Derek Cole describes an emotional breakdown during a workout while living with MS, discussing how his physical abilities and speech have changed. He woke his wife Judy and reflects on frustration, faith, and why letting emotions out and talking to others matters.
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Hey, what's up, everyone? Derek Cole here. Thank you for listening to the podcast. And today's a bit different. It's a bit personal. I wanted to share some personal things I was going through a few weeks ago, which I usually kind of write about what's happening. I write about it to get out, but this time I'm doing a podcast to get out that way. And maybe, you know, I'll write about it. But a few weeks ago, I've been working out four times a week, mainly for weight control, to help my core, to help me with balance and everything with Ms. And anyway, I think, you know, one morning I was doing legs and when the workouts was, you know, staying on, standing on one leg and, you know, stretching and doing some exercises back and forth, and I completely lost it. I lost it. I was. I was crying like a baby. I did finish my workout that morning, but I came to bed and what I have, what I have to do every morning I do, it is I get up, you know, three, 45 or AM. I work out for, you know, 20, 30 minutes, have a protein shake, come back to bed, have to cool myself down with ms, I have to cool myself down before I get into the shower. So usually come back to bed, try to go to sleep for another hour or so and then get it ready, head to shower, do my morning routine before. Before I go to work. But getting to bed crying woke Judy up. And, you know, I think I was. I was just frustrated, frustrated I couldn't do my exercise. Frustrated with ms, frustrated not understanding what was going on. But about, you know, I would say five or 10 minutes of being in bed and, you know, I just had to apologize to mainly God and say, you know, I'm sorry for questioning you. We have been blessed beyond measure. We're blessed every day. And, you know, I apologize for losing it. But I said all that to say this sometimes just let it out and. And when you let it out, I mean, you feel so much better. I think I've been holding that in for a while because I've been frustrated. I get frustrated when things. I can't do things. You know, even talking now, I'm talking pretty low, but I'm still, you know, slurring my words. And the Ms. Is obviously, you know, affecting me. And even then, even when I, you know, look back to a video I did in 20, 15, 16, 17, you know, look at that. I look at that video and I see me. I'm like, you know, that. That Derek, that version is never come back, Never come back. And that version is probably never gonna come back. I can never talk like that again. I can never, you know, be that way. And it is what it is. But sometimes the main reason I'm saying this is sometimes you got let out. You can't always be strong one on the outside. But I think this is going great. You know, obviously I make quite a few jokes about my, my ms, my slurring, but like, anything like you're going through, you know, every, every, everyone has their battles, their challenges, but I just want to use all this to encourage you to talk about it, to get it out, to tell someone, talk to someone, because it does no good to keep it in because you either explode emotionally or you might explode at someone at the wrong time for. For no good reason other than they called you at a bad moment. So, anyway, get out. But I wanted to use this platform. Thank you for listening. Thank you for being loyal to the podcast. Hopefully maybe I will write about this in email or a Facebook post. Usually writing does help me out quite a bit, getting it out there and kind of sharing the struggle. But this time I chose the podcast to let it out first. So thank you for listening and we got off track this podcast with this personal, personal touch. But we'll be back on message last time. Take care.
