28: Dealing With Addiction in Loved Ones with Janelle Bruland

Welcome to my podcast called you'd Must Be out of youf Mind. My name is Dr. Don Wood. Everyone has experienced some trauma at times during their life. These traumatic events and experiences create a significant impact on how your mind works on a day to day basis. At the same time creates long term effects on your emotional and physical health. It will interfere with your ability to stay present and in the moment. After years of research, I used my knowledge of neuroscience to to create what I call a memory reset. This memory reset reduces and eliminates the impact of the trauma and allows you to experience peace and clarity. My podcast will share many stories of people experiencing similar symptoms to you and how their lives have been positively impacted.

By our TIP program.

I can't wait to share with you how the impossible is possible and why you must be out of your mind. And there it is.

Well, welcome to another episode of you Must Be out of youf Mind. My name is Dr. Don Wood. I'm your host and as you know, we always bring on amazing guests that have so much to offer when you're listening to this and you know what we do. And today I've got another amazing guest. You're just going to love Janelle Bruland and she's an amazing entrepreneur, author, speaker. I think you're going to gain so much knowledge from her. So welcome, Janelle, to the you Must be Out of your Mind podcast.

Thank you, Dawn. I'm delighted to be here with you today.

Very good. So I want to first get into.

As an author, you've written the most recent book that you wrote, right? The Success Lie, right?

Yes.

Tell us a little bit about what that, what stimulated you to write that kind of a book.

You bet. Well, on my own journey as an entrepreneur, I realized that I felt this need to work a lot. I love to work. I was very passionate about it, but I found I was really good at taking care of everything and everyone. And I felt this need to continue taking on more and more and stacking things, continuing to add more to my schedule. And I realized that I was buying into a lie and I wasn't alone in it, that today many entrepreneurs buy into this lie of success as I was that you have to keep doing more and more, take on more and more and sacrifice everything to get this success. And you end up sacrificing those things that are most important to you, maybe your health or your family. And that's the lie. And I, once I discovered that, made the decision to take my own life back, to take control, to actually define what I wanted success to look like for me in my life and to have purpose and meaning, and I was able to gain control of my own life. And then, of course, I want to shout it from the rooftops because I want every entrepreneur to be able to overcome the overwhelm in their lives and to have a life of balance and a life of joy.

And you've built a very successful company. So this is, you know, this is coming from somebody who's truly built a success in her career. And you did a lot of that on your own, right? I did raise as a single mom, which is even more incredible to be able to do. So can you tell us a little bit about how that all came to be and what you did?

Sure, you bet. Yes. I think looking back at it all is, for me, building a business and a successful business was the place that I could really shine.

And.

And for me, it was really keeping me from some of the things that I didn't want to deal with at home that were really, really hard. And, you know, as you mentioned, I was a single mom when my girls. I have three daughters, and when my two youngest were 4 and 7, their dad left very abruptly and we were abandoned by him. And all of a sudden, to our surprise, to my complete surprise, my world was turned upside down and myself a single mom to my three girls. And this was when this happened. I'd already had the business that I'd been growing for a number of years. I'd started it, a facility services company out of the living room of my home, and it had really taken off and was growing, and we had moved to a. Another location out of my home because the business was really growing fast. So I had this. This family that I needed to take care of, and they were my world, these little girls. I wanted to make sure they were okay. But at the same time, I. A team depending on me and clients depending on me as well. So it was. It was a juggle just trying to. To balance it all for sure.

Well, I read your book and, and the book is amazing. So I want to go over some of the things, and I've been sending you some feedback on what I sort of picked up. So the audience.

Wonderful.

Yeah, the audience listens to me. Right? This will really resonate. And one of the chapters, which I think what you just sort of touched on was, I think in chapter six, because I remember I'd sent notes up to five, and you say, well, where do you read six?

And when I read chapter six, it's exactly what you were just sharing right now is imagine, you know, when people are listening to this, imagine coming home and finding a note, right, from your husband, who just literally told you he's gone and coming back, and you've got three daughters and all these financial responsibilities, as well as staff and everything else. So that, to me, really had a big resounding effect on me thinking about. I couldn't imagine how difficult that would be to do. Well, how did you do that? How did you handle that?

Wow. Well, it definitely was difficult. And as you and I talked, that day had a profound impact on my life. My world was turned upside down, and I wanted to crawl into a little ball in the corner of my bedroom and never get up. I mean, it was devastating.

My first husband, I loved very deeply. I so wanted him to be well, I so wanted him to. For us to be a family. And when that broke in a million pieces, it was devastating. But then I realized that I had these children that depended on me. And I realized that.

I could either be in this ball, over in the corner, and give up, or I could get myself up, buck up, put one foot in front of the other and keep going and show them that we would be okay.

And it's really easy. And probably a lot of people have experienced this where it would have been easier just to go in the corner, and people would have understood.

No question.

Right?

No question.

Oh, I get it. You know, Janelle, look at what she's gone through. No wonder everything fell apart for her. But you weren't going to do that because you had something more important, Right?

Right. And I think the even bigger piece about it, Don, is that my faith held me up in those times because I realized that even though I felt so alone in that moment, I remember on the floor of my bedroom, just crying out to God and just saying, why did this happen? How can I do this? And I just remember really feeling his presence that day and realizing I wasn't alone. And I wasn't going to be doing it alone because my heavenly father was. Was there. He had a plan for my life, and even though I couldn't see it, he was going to help me walk that next path in that journey. I didn't do it alone. And I learned through it. My pain was going to become my purpose. And. And it ended up turning into something beautiful that now is. I can actually look back and call it a gift.

It's amazing because what you just said was really powerful. My wife, when I met her, because I, I. You and I had these great childhoods Right. So we'll talk a little bit more about that. But, yes, my wife, I thought this was unusual, that people have trauma. I didn't know that that existed. And so she had this trauma and she always. She never wanted me to tell anybody. She swore me. When she told me the things that she'd experienced as a child, she swore me to secrecy. Don't ever tell anybody that. Right. I shared it with you. Because she actually said, if that changes your mind and you don't want to marry me, I'll understand. And I was like, wow, I didn't hear anything that would have changed my mind.

Right.

And so. But to her, that's what she was feeling. And I said to her, I said, I really believe one day your story is going to help people. She never believed that. She really did. And if it wasn't for her, none of what I'm doing would be possible. I never would have done this without. Without what she experienced, what my daughter experienced. So just like you said, so if you're going through a tough time right now, there. There's a way out. Right. And you just have to stay, you know, faithful, and you still have to stay with the belief that you can make a change.

Right.

You know, and even your husband, your. Your first husband was an addict. Right. So much shame and guilt about that. Right. That nobody talks about it.

Yes.

So even I'm sure during that time it was difficult to share with people what he was dealing with.

So talk a little bit about what you dealt with with that. With dealing with a husband and father that was addicted.

Yes. That was really hard. And it did bring a lot of shame. It was this best kept secret. To the outside, our life looked picture perfect.

Obviously, in our home, it was not. I am so glad that as the years have gone by, and especially in these last several years, that trauma and addiction is being looked at with a different lens. And it's more acceptable to talk about mental health and that it's okay not to be okay. And it was this shameful secret. I remember I tell a story in my book of my cousin during this time when I was going through this and she lost her husband to cancer. And I remember reaching out to her and just saying, I am just so sorry for what you're going through and the pain that you're feeling right now. And she said to me, you know what, Janelle? Your pain is greater because Jim didn't choose to leave us.

Right? Yeah.

And your first husband chose to leave you. And when I, my husband was diagnosed with Cancer. Everybody surrounded me. And you were unable to really feel like you could share it at all. And even to this day, I mean, there are people in my life who, who didn't know anything about that. I kept that very private because, yes, it was. It was embarrassing, which is too bad.

It is. And even mental health stuff. So addiction is obviously something people cover up. There's a lot of CEOs, executives out there that are dealing with this. If they go to HR and they say, hey, I'm having a problem with drugs.

Right, Right.

They could lose their job. So you can see why people cover it up. And. And then mental health. We're starting to see, you know, Kevin Love, who played for, for Cleveland at the time, came out and started sharing that he had panic attacks. People are like, here's a millionaire basketball player, he has panic attacks.

Right.

A lot of people cover it up because of all that shame built around it. My daughter was dealing with her health issues and she was an actress and she was living in Hollywood and she couldn't talk about it because if she told people she had Crohn's, they wouldn't hire because they would say, well, what if we get in the middle of a movie? Right. And.

Right.

Flare up and then you go down for a month. Right, Exactly. Production. So she was constantly in a cover up about how she was feeling health wise. And then that created all kinds of stress and anxiety and all of those things. And then they just put her on a ton of medications for all of those things, fixing the problem.

Right, Right.

So. So even for your, your ex husband, your first husband, there was help out there, if people truly understood it.

Right. And not just fixing the addiction, but getting down deeper to what is actually causing these other things or causing these other health issues. And, you know, we talked about. I was having health issues. That was for me, I thought it was all about, oh, I'm working too much, which was true. And I was burning out, which was true. But I wasn't looking underneath to where were those health issues really coming from or the addiction or the different things that, that you have. And oftentimes it's coming from the trauma that is down deep that's buried.

They're saying that it's about 80% of all the health issues are psychological. That's where it's coming from. Yes, definitely true with my daughter because I tell the story a lot about my daughter having trauma that we were unaware of.

Right.

Created the Crohn's and then created the second autoimmune, the IDIOPATHIC pulmonary hemocytosis, both autoimmune. So when people are dealing with that, it's generally coming from an unresolved trauma. So the mind is not doing maintenance when it's in a fight or flight state.

Exactly.

So most of the resources are going to dealing with the lions that you're being chased by.

Exactly.

It does. Because if you think about it, if you're really, truly being chased by a lion and you're running on jagged rocks and bare feet, are you going to feel the pain? No. Your mind will not think it's a good idea to tell you about the pain and slow you down. Ignore the pain so that you can run faster. But as soon as you get away from the lion, now you'd start to get some maintenance done. But that's, you know, sort of a metaphor for what trauma does. Trauma keeps. It's the lion chasing you constantly and the stress and then so with everything. That's why it's so remarkable. I love having you on here because you're such an inspiration to people who are also living with those kinds of issues. Whether it's an addiction in their home or a health issue. You can still be successful and you can still build something, an incredible, which you did, an incredible business, incredible life. You've got your, your new husband, you know, you're so in love. You've got this great recovery from that, right?

Yes.

That's an important message for people to understand.

Yes, there is hope. And there, there just hope. And if, if there is somebody out there listening who just feels really stuck right now and hopeless and feels like there is something from your past, something that's holding you back from being the person that you're called to be. I just want you to know that there is hope and you can get back your life.

Are you tired of dealing with stress, anxiety, panic attacks, depression, even feeling broken? Have traumatic events and experiences in your life created post traumatic stress for you? Perhaps you're an athlete, an executive trying to reach that next level of performance. Well, there's nothing wrong with you and there's nothing wrong with your mind. Your mind is dealing with some glitches and error messages as a result of these traumatic events or disturbing events earlier in your life. It's interfering with your ability to stay present because the memory keeps on looping, activating your nervous system. I've helped thousands of people deal with anxiety, panic attacks, depression, feeling that sense of brokenness. We can clear that in as little as four hours. Check out our website. InspiredPerformanceInstitute.com and check out some of the stories and testimonials. Some of these may relate to what you've experienced in your life, and we look forward to helping you reach your next level of performance. And there it is.

Yeah, it feels at the time, I'm sure you did when, when you got that note right, it feels insurmountable, but it's really not. And like I talk about, when I talk about addiction, I say addiction is the symptom, it's not the problem. There's nothing wrong with you, and there's nothing wrong with your mind. Even people in addiction, they found a resource to stop pain. Addiction is all about pain. Right. So the symptom is the addiction, not the problem. Right. Solve the pain, you'll solve the addiction.

You bet.

So the key is. And what I loved about in your first chapter, and this is something I really believe in, we resonated so many things. I just kept sending you, like, yes, that was awesome. Yeah. But intention explain to people what the value is in living an intentional life.

You bet. Well, one of the things that I teach about is that so many of us live on automatic. I mean, we do so much habitually, and we can be doing things habitually that are good for us, or we can be doing things habitually that are not. And there's many things that we're doing where we're just living on automatic. We're going along, not even really thinking about. About our lives. And then years may go by and all of a sudden we wake up one day and think, how did I get here? How did I gain these. These extra 30 pounds? How did I end up in this estranged relationship? How did this or that happen? And it's because of this living on automatic process that we do that without even realizing it, we're deristing. And I talk about how being out in my kayak and having. Being pulled by the tides and drifting out to sea because I wasn't paying attention. And the good news is, is we can. We can make the decision and the choice to become aware of where we are living on automatic. And we can choose instead to live intentionally and live the life that we want to live, that we deserve to live and be intentional about it.

Yeah, I love that because it's one of the things I talk about. If you want to make change in your life, you have to be intentional about it. Because just like you talked about, the reason we get on these automatic pilots is because it's designed to keep us safe.

Yes.

Even though it doesn't look like it's safe when you analyze it afterwards you go, why did I get on that path? It's because your mind was just trying to, it didn't know any other way. You hadn't done anything differently. I use the story of if you walk two miles every day to get food, but you had to navigate snipers and landmines on that two mile trip. But every day you were getting there and getting back and feeding your family and then somebody goes, why would you do that? There's another route down this way. It's only a hundred yards and there's this big supermarket. It's really safe, well lit. Your mind doesn't know that so it's not going to make that change just because it logically makes sense. Survival will always override reason and logic. So your mind will not accept the logical explanation because it has experience with the two mile trip and it knows it can do that.

Right.

I always say the purpose of intention is to build research for your mind to make the change. Think of repetition as research.

Yes.

And there's the more data you can give the mind about making the change, the safer it's going to feel. And then it will override the old code. I just believe behaviors and habits are just codes that God built because your mind's trying to protect you, never trying to.

Exactly.

Yep.

Yeah, exactly. And I think that that's what's comfortable. And I, I think a lot of people stay in what they think is safe even though somebody else from the outside looking in are going, how are they? How are they there? How are they even? How are they even? In that and in the book, your body keeps the score. It's just, it's beautifully talked about that you just, it's a learned it' that you learn. Like the dogs, when they tested them and they put them in these cages and the first time that they shocked him, the dog ran away. But when they came back and they kept shocking them, the, the dog finally just laid there and just kept getting the shock. And then they opened the door to the cage and then came back to shock. And the dog wouldn't run away. The dog was so used to being shocked. Oh, there comes the shock again. That it didn't even get up anymore, which is horrific. But I'm an example of that in, in my own marriage and in the place where I stayed for so many years. And you say that about how did that person stay in that relationship for so long? How, how did, how did they do that? Well, that was their norm that was comfortable. And just like you said, it felt. It felt safe. And that was. That was the only path that I thought that I had. And I couldn't see anything else. And I think a lot of people stay in these habitual patterns that are unhealthy for them because as you said, they don't know any other way. And I think that's how we can be so, so helpful to others, is by sharing our stories of. But I was there too. I get it. And it just was about learning, recognizing, and then making the choice because you can do it differently. It's not easy, but you can do it differently.

Well, unknown is not safe. Known is safe, even if the known is painful.

Excellent point.

You were living in the pain, but that was. At least you knew what to expect.

Right?

Right. Even though there's still unexpected things coming. But at least you knew that thinking of making a change would have seemed very difficult, especially with three young girls dealing with a husband in addiction. Plus everything else you're dealing with on your business side, you knew that's the two miles with the snipers and landmines.

And so. But you knew it and you could navigate it. You could get there and back every day. And so that's why that message of intentionality is so powerful. Because the only way to break out of that is to go against the flow and take an intentional decision that I'm going to change my life, even if it feels uncomfortable. Because the more I can data I can build, my mind will eventually go, hey, you know what? You're right. This way is better and it will always go to the better way for you. But it just didn't know it.

Right. That's such a good point.

Yeah. So focus on that kind of intentionality. And I think that's a big. And just talk about how much of it is subconscious. I just watched this video and it's amazing is I'm a big Ten. Hockey is my number one sport, but tennis was my second sport. And there was a video that Andre Agassi put out and Agassi used to play against Boris Becker. When Boris Becker first came up. I don't know if any of these names are you a tennis person?

I'm not, but. But you go on. I'm sure a lot of people listening are.

Yeah, so they were world famous guys. Boris Becker came up at 16, was a phenom and just had an absolutely powerful canon serve, which really, even at that age was overpowering for some of these pros. But Andre Agassi was the One guy that could just manage the serve. And they just said, you know, Agassi just seems to be able to respond and was able to. To cover that kind of a serve. Boris Becker said he used to think that Andre Agassi was reading his mind. That's what it felt like. And Agassi just came out with how he did it, and he said it was actually harder. Right. To not let him know that. What I knew, as opposed to returning to serve, what he told is that when Boris Becker would go to serve, if he was serving to his left side, he would stick out his tongue to the left. If he was serving down the middle, his tongue would come straight out. And if to the right, it would go to the right.

Oh, my. And I'm sure he had no idea he was doing that.

No, he was doing it. But August, he picked it up and was able. So he doesn't want anybody to know that, because then he would change it.

Sure.

So he doesn't know he's giving this tell, but he's giving the tell. And they showed clips of Agassi just demolishing this power serve. Right. And Becker can't figure it out, and some of the other great pros hadn't figured it out, but that just shows you how you can get into an unintentional pattern, not realize it. Right. And can't understand why somebody's balancing off against you.

Right? That's exactly right. Yes. And. And as we've talked about, there's so much that is just part of our subconscious that we don't even realize what we're doing. And so it all goes back to, well, then you just need to find a way to become aware and really evaluate your life. I do life assessment with my clients where we take this holistic approach, looking at seven main life areas. And are you really living your best life in those areas? Are those buckets full? Is that balanced? And because often when it's not, it points to some of these areas where you've really lived on automatic, haven't paid attention, have allowed these habits to just evolve over time, and you have to become aware of it. And then once aware, you can make the change and the choice to move forward, just as we talked about. So it's all about just making that decision that I can make a change. I can make a change today. This may be what I was doing, and I did it for a reason, because like you said, it made me feel safe. That was all that I could do right then with the wisdom that I had, I Always tell myself, I tell my clients that don't judge yesterday's decisions with today's wisdom. We can't change what's in the past, but we can learn from it and we can take it forward to make our future a better one.

I love that. And it's all about, again, back to intentionality. But also, the other thing that I really resonated with your book, and this is I talk about all the time, is optimism versus pessimism.

Yes.

You have this amazing optimistic outlook. So even when you're in that dark time. Right. You still believed in optimism. You had your faith. Right. That you would manage to get through it. And whenever I talk about optimism, when people say to me, well, I'm just really pessimistic, I always say, no, you're just low on optimism.

You need to train your brain to become optimistic. Right?

That's right.

Because if you stay in that. And I, again, I don't believe, like energy, I say there's no such thing as negative energy. Energy is energy. It moves things one way or another. Right. Always energy. Like you can't put a battery in a battery tester and that come up negative. It's either low or zero or high. Right, Right. And so that's the same thing with the optimistic, you know, so things aren't going well. No problem. I have skill. So you had tremendous skill in doing what you do in your business. So tell me about what, how optimism has helped you in your life.

Oh, it's been huge. And it's a mindset and it's a choice. Again, it's not. People will ask me that, how are you so optimistic in the face of these circumstances and whatever they may be? Because we're going to continue to run into things. It's not like you have one area of trauma in your life, one experience that you've had to navigate, that we're always going to face challenges. It's how we approach those challenges, and it's really about choice. That was what the name initially in my book was going to be was it's your choice, because you really can choose that mindset, and that's what helps you overcome. So for me, I remember when we went through the Great Recession in 2008, nine in our business, and our business was running along. We had a lot of growth. We were doing really well. And then all of a sudden, the world changed and nobody knew what was going on, and everybody was just hunke, tinkering down, trying to figure out what was going to happen next. And overnight we lost a tremendous amount of business. Our regular work that we were doing, our maintenance work, projects got shut down. We had trucks in the yard that weren't going out and servicing. And in the beginning.

I was fearful. You're talking to your clients. They're afraid. They don't know what's going on. You're talking to your colleagues. They're the same. Everybody's feeling. There's this mindset of uncertainty and fear. And I realized that when I was going into my office and showing up with that mindset, it was catchy, and my team would feel it, too. And I realized that this is not how I need to show up. I have got to show up with a mindset of optimism and hope and confidence. And as soon as I did that and made my own shift, we. My entire team just rose with me to the occasion. And we ended up growing more in that recession than. I mean, we had tremendous growth in those next two years because we came together and we said, well, where's the opportunity here? What can we learn through this? We have less work, so let's really work on our systems and our efficiencies. What can we do in this time? And how can we change to be better as we come out of this? What can we do now? So it was just that shifting of perspective.

I love that. And this just is another testament to who you are. What did you do during that time? You bought a new, bigger building, right?

I did.

Now, that's totally counterintuitive, right? I know, but that's what made you successful.

Yes. It was being willing to take risks and to make bold choices. And as an entrepreneur, realizing that it's okay to fail. I mean, I love to win, and I hate to fail. But you know what? Those failures, and I'm sure you can attest to this too, are the biggest learnings in your life if you take time to really look at them. And. And now I've just reframed those. Those failures, those bumps in the road, that. That's just part of your growth. That is just growing you. It's taking you to that next level of success, and it's helping you be better. So I've just reframed it, and let's just. Let's try it. If it doesn't work, then we'll try something else.

It's so good. My wife. I drive my wife crazy because no matter what I do, I'm competitive. Play a card game. She'd go, you're just so competitive, even with just playing cards. I know I go, but that's what you loved about me, right? Don't.

You rather have the guy that hates to lose than the guy that just goes, oh, well, that's fine.

No, right, right.

That's what drives us, that's what makes us successful, is we don't like to lose weight, but we're willing. It's how you handle the failure.

That's exactly right.

This is the best advice I got was from the tennis pro when I was like 13 who told me the way to get better is to lose a lot. And again, it sounds counterintuitive, but what he was telling me is play better people. Don't keep playing against the people you can beat because it feels good. Right. But play against the people that can beat you because you're going to challenge yourself, you're going to pick up better skills, you're going to learn the speed and the power of a game that you haven't seen before.

Right.

Have to be willing to accept that you're going to lose. And it was difficult. So I'd go play as a 13, 14 year old in the, in the 15, 16 year old division. 17, 18 year old, I'm getting knocked out in the first round. Not used to that.

Right. That hurts.

At first I'd come back, you know, to the club and people say, how'd you do? Well, I lost. Oh, really? You lost? What was the score? I lost two and one. You lost two and one? Yeah. But you had to accept it. Right. They're used to like, they would hear me come back and oh, I got to the finals, I got the semi finals or stuff like that and all of a sudden now you're having to, you know, take it on the chin. But 100. Right. Because then I started to learn how to play against better players and it improved my game dramatically. But yes, being willing to do that, I would have probably hit a limit.

Right.

My own talent could take me to.

Right?

Yeah.

That's awesome.

Yeah. So the other thing that I loved again in your book, and I could talk about your book all day, what I also loved in your book was the fact that you knew nothing about the industry you went into and yet you still went in. Right. Most people would not do that. Tell me what it took to make that kind of a call, to challenge yourself that way.

It was interesting and I think I knew that I knew something about business.

And the ability to learn and surround yourself with the right team is what can lead you to success. I think you can get into any industry if you've got the drive to learn it and be willing to roll your sleeves up and come alongside your team to do it with them. And I always talked about I didn't want to have my team doing something that I wasn't willing to do. So in the beginning, when I started with this small cleaning company, commercial cleaning company is how it started. I remember meeting with my team in my living room and saying, I don't know anything. They were cleaners. They had experienced as cleaning technicians. And I said, I don't know anything about the cleaning industry, but you do. But I know something about business, and together I think we can do something really great. And I went out and cleaned with them, and I think that gave them respect for me, that I was willing to come alongside them out there. And I learned, showed them that I could learn from them. I think that's what's so important when we are taking care of a team. It was always my philosophy that there wasn't any person on the team that was more important or more needed than the other, that every single person had an important role to play. We've all been given these amazing gifts, but your gifts a little different than my gift. My team members, gifts that we were, they were different than each other. I didn't want clones of myself. And so that's what really can make a strong team, is when you're willing to. To hire people with different talents and that can come alongside you and you work together and be willing to hire people who are a lot better than you. And recognizing those things that, you know, I really need to stay in my lane of what I'm good at. And we, we help a lot of clients discern that for themselves and for their team. Because I know there's a lot of people out there that will grow a business, but they'll continue to wear all of the hats when they should have taken off some hats a long time ago. And that gets into the, you know, the overwork and the. And the burnout too, and the lack of balance.

Well, sports taught me so much of that, hockey in particular. So in hockey, you had your different role players, right? So you had your defensive players, you had your offensive players. My job was, I was always a leading goal scorer. Right. And so I had an obligation to do that part. And I had to realize that you had to count on my teammates to do their role. Right. And not try to take on everybody's role. Because if you do now, there were times where you'd have to. Just like you talked about, I would have to come back and pick up because my defenseman maybe missed a check or whatever, so I'd have to come back. But I had to count on him to do his job. And most of the time he's going to do it. But if there was a. Some sort of an error or something that happened, I had then had to then learn how to cover and help them because they're going to do the same thing for me.

Sure.

And the thing that I found too is the best team was we played on one year. We got the five top goal scorers in the league all on our team. I mean, that was pretty unusual, right?

Right.

Terrible as a team. Oh, you couldn't win.

Well, I'm sure that makes sense. Yeah.

We were thinking, oh, if the five top goal scorers were going to dominate everything, great. We were not a good team. We were good players.

But we weren't a good team. And so just, you know, speaking to. What you were just talking about is you all have to then do your role, stay in your lane. The problem was is that everybody wanted to score. You put five guys, you can't have five guys all on the same team trying with the same mission to go. Everybody's trying to score, but you still have to be. It became such a competition between the guys that it didn't really. Now they don't want to pass to you because they're in a competition with you.

Sure.

That did not translate very well. So.

So before we finished, I definitely want to talk about. Because I share this all the time. It's a big part of my whole story. And what we do in our business is I had this ideal childhood. I have not met very many people that had my childhood. So tell me about your childhood, what you experienced.

Well, I had a wonderful childhood like you. And I was raised in just a wonderful home of loving parents. And I always felt loved. And as I said, when later on in my life then I married someone who had an addiction, I didn't even know what that was. I was raised in a home where I can't remember my parents ever arguing.

There were four siblings. I was one of four. And we grew up on a dairy farm in Washington state. And it was just an idyllic way to grow up. I mean, playing with the animals on the farm. And my dad would sometimes let me feed the baby calves. And we had chickens and just lots of room to run around and play. And we just. We had a good childhood. And my parents were always there. We were in a lot of different activities. And even Though my dad is an entrepreneur, worked a lot of hours. He always carved out time for mom and the kids, and he was always at all of my events, and we took time together for family vacations. He really made mom and dad both made family a priority. And they've been married now more than 60 years and still live near us. And it's just they've created a wonderful legacy that I hope I am now doing the same with my own children.

And it's so amazing. That's what I always talk about with parents. If you. The best thing you can do for your children is to make your home safe.

Yes.

They need to feel that sense of safety. I always had it. You always had it. I believe that that was a key to your resiliency when you had the issues in your adulthood.

No question.

Being able to be resilient. Right. Because you had. You knew what the model was.

Yes.

You had dealt with safety, so you knew what safe felt like, and that's what you were trying to get to. I believe that that's a big part of. You know, I've had bumps more as an adult than I ever did as a child. Right. Because life keeps coming at us. But I think resiliency. And I know. We heard. We both heard him speaking at one of the conferences. Dr. Gabor Matei, who's a leading guy in trauma as well, and somebody asked him, why does one veteran get PTSD and another one not get PTSD in the same battle? And he said, childhood.

Right.

If they were traumatized as a child, they will develop PTSD right after. Right. Where the person who didn't probably didn't have that childhood trauma or resilient.

Yes. So it's amazing and. And just a good message to us that we need to help others create those environments. And it is important for the entrepreneurs out there listening is. It's important to make that time for your family, which is likely one of your top priorities. And that makes such a difference to have that wonderful, special time with your kids. And that's going to mean so much when they're adults.

Yep. Absolutely. Thank you, Janelle, so much for being on. I want to make sure that people have a chance if they want to reach out and connect with you and definitely get the success. Lie. It was really funny because I go, you know, usually, usually in the mornings to. To do my work. I go to this restaurant and I sit there and I have breakfast and I eat at this restaurant. So every time. So I came in with this book and there was one of the Servers there knows me really well. She's going, oh, okay, what's that book? She immediately went on Got your audio version.

Oh, I love it. That's great.

And so anyway, so she was all excited when I told her you were going to be on the, on the podcast today. So she was excited. And, but that's why I sort of get my, my work done. So if I encourage you to read the book, I loved it. It was great. Right. Get the audio version if you want. Right. But definitely get the book. How else can people reach? Because I know you do a lot of great work with entrepreneurs and people that you're helping. How do they find you, reach you and connect with you?

Yes, well, they can reach out to me on social media at Janelle Bruland. I'm on Instagram and LinkedIn and the other all those places. And also my website, you can go to www.thesuccess.life and so that's way to reach me. And then I have a freebie that I'd love to have you get your hands on and we're going to to give you the link. But for those overwhelmed entrepreneurs and business professionals out there listening, I wrote an ebook and it's called 10 Quick Ways to Calm the Chaos. And they're just easy ways that you can implement anytime during your day when you're just feeling overwhelmed, you need to take a moment to calm yourself. These are some great ways and things that you can do quickly. And please listen to my podcast, the Intentional Leadership Podcast, and would love to connect with you. So don't hesitate to reach out.

I encourage everybody to do that. You can learn so much and this being such, you're so inspiring. So I'd love to have people you know find you and reach out to you, get your books and whatever else. So again, Janelle, thank you so much for being on. This has been awesome. I knew this was going to be great.

So again, any questions for me before we finish up?

No, this was wonderful. Thank you so much for making the time. It was so much fun to spend this time with you and just so much synergy in what we're doing and providing help to people and, and thank you for what you do and the gifts that you bring. And I was able to come to, to your business in Orlando and see your institute and you're just doing amazing things. It was wonderful to experience your program myself. And please, for those listening, if you haven't checked out the TIP program by Dr. Dawn, you must look into this. It really has. You've made phenomenal difference in so many people's lives. So thank you for what you do each and every day.

I appreciate it. Thanks so much.

You bet.

Thank you, everyone, for listening to another episode of you Must Be out of youf Mind. And there it is.