39: Transforming Education: Connection Before Content with Teresa Lubovich

Welcome to my podcast called you Must Be out of youf Mind. My name is Dr. Don Wood. Everyone has experienced some trauma at times during their life. These traumatic events and experiences create a significant impact on how your mind works on a day to day basis. At the same time creates long term effects on your emotional and physical health. It will interfere with your ability to stay present and in the moment. After years of research, I used my knowledge of neuroscience to get create what I call a memory reset. This memory reset reduces and eliminates the impact of the trauma and allows you to experience peace and clarity. My podcast will share many stories of people experiencing similar symptoms to you and how their lives have been positively impacted by our TIP program. I can't wait to share with you how the impossible is possible and why you must be out of your mind. And there it is.

Welcome to another podcast of you must be out of your mind. And I have an amazing guest here today that I think we're going to learn a lot from. Teresa Lubovitch and she is an incredible mentor for young people and children. So welcome to you Must be out of your mind. Teresa.

Thanks so much for having me the privilege.

Very good. So we've started to do some, some things together in terms of what you're doing and what, you know, what we do. But could you maybe give us a little background on what you're doing currently? Now we'll get into further stuff. I know we talked a little bit about that. I'm fascinated with that too. But tell us what you're doing right now for young people.

So I run a full service tutoring agency. We're just outside of Seattle and that includes all academic support for K12 subjects. We have test prep for SAT and ACT. We work with adult learners and more recently we've been doing a lot of brain training for cognitive therapies to help students with learning disabilities. So it's pretty all encompassing. But it didn't start that way. I started at my kitchen table with a family that hired me privately and it was during the six years that I tutored them. Sixth grade till they graduated was when I really feel like I kind of got a PhD in what kids show up with when they come in for learning support. They had a lot going on that was complicated by adoption by Fetal alcohol affect. They were twins that had different affect. They had all kinds of issues around anxiety and panic disorders and depression and thyroid issues like in medication for everything. And it really taught me how much is actually in the way of learning. Before we could ever get to the subjects.

Day in and day out. I had to navigate how the day was for them and what was happening and eventually get them regulated and present at the table so that we could actually do the work. And by hard work and tears, they graduated high school. It was my great, great joy to see them walk. But it was really their experience with me that taught me so much about how much our kids are carrying. That has nothing to do with what's in their backpack. It has to do with so much emotional concerns and traumas. Big capital T, as you say, and small T that get in the way. So that's really how it started. Now we have a group of 20 tutors. Like, it's grown really big.

So that's amazing. Well, yeah, you were so right, though, because you were getting a PhD. It's amazing that you sort of recognized that that was the issue, as opposed to trying to work with it and manage it. Right. Which is what the current system does, is, okay, they've got that problem. We'll just. Well, we'll try to get them through with it as opposed to addressing it and going to the root cause, which is really what we do as well. So I always talk about when people come in and they say to me, oh, I have anxiety. I go, well, no, that's a symptom. You don't have anxiety. Anxiety is a symptom of something. Why would your mind be anxious? Why would your mind be depressed? There's a reason why. Because our minds don't do anything for just no reason. It doesn't wake up one morning and say, all right, Teresa, we're just going to be depressed today. It's depressed because it's trying to get you into some sort of an action or fix something.

Yeah.

And if you don't fix it.

I was so drawn to your stuff because I was like, where has this been? Like, I needed it back then when I was first starting. I love that you've identified that and got the support available. It's fantastic.

Yeah. And I know that's one of the things that we're talking about is having you guys facilitate more of the programs. And so we've got it now in VR. So we're trying to decide whether we wait till we launch the VR, Right. Or we do it, you know, with what we've currently got. Because the current online system is very effective.

Yeah, it is.

And when I first started to develop it, my wife, who's my biggest fan, she said to me, she goes, I don't know if that's Going to work. You know, she says it's not you, but it does. It really works because there's a formula to what I've developed, and it's really the formula that works. And the way I think I describe it, which you'll totally understand, this will make perfect sense, is we need to create the optimal conditions. Right. For the mind and body to heal. And what you were doing for those children that you were first teaching and learning is you were creating optimal conditions for them to learn. They will learn. But if you don't have the optimal conditions because their whole system's dysregulated, they'll struggle in school.

Yeah. And that hasn't abated. As I've been in this business now 20 years, we're having our 20th year. This next year, it seems like kids are carrying more and more anxiety, more and more dysregulation. And so that's part of our team training now, is really focusing in on how do we connect with them, which is how our tagline was developed, which is connection before content. Because the system, the education system, really flips that upside down and is all content focused and trying to teach to the test and make sure that the teachers are getting the scores that they need for funding and all those backwards ways of doing things that don't actually get to the heart of the student, which is what our goal is, always getting to that heart. And that creating the conditions for that is critical because once we have that connection established and safety established, they take off and like, their trajectory is like, crazy good. But getting settled and getting, getting ready for that is a lot of what we're trying to do.

I. And I think it's brilliant that you discovered that, because I love that connection before content because that makes so much sense. It's really what people are saying, well, your program is really long. Four hours is because I've got to create the connection. Right. Because if you just start diving in, if you walk down, sit down to a child and say, okay, you're going to like me, I'm going to like you. Let's go. They're not going to do that. The safety message has to be developed.

They have the most excellent BS meter, do they not? They will not move if they do not feel safe, that is for sure.

What was really interesting is the other day, not yesterday, the day before, I was in Georgia working with 50 wardens, taking them through a group doing our program, and boy, I got another lesson. Those are people that don't trust anybody. I mean, their whole system is about distrust. And so it made it a real challenge to try to build that connection. When you're in a group of 50 people who are, you know, they're suspicious of everybody. And so they have to be. That's their job. You know, so they've got prisoners full of BS that are going to try to convince them. Right. And they can. They can smell that a mile away.

Yes.

So it was a really interesting. It was really interesting to sort of go through that. And it was a great experience for me. I think I. I did some really good work with them, but at the same time, I learned something is how to connect with people who have had that. The trauma in a prison. You can't imagine. I mean, they were telling stories, and I was just like, I don't know why they want to do the job. I can't understand why anybody would want to do that job. Besides the danger. Right. There's just. There's no real appreciation. I mean, you can't make a mistake. And if nothing happens, that's. And you don't get any recognition because nothing happened in the prison. Everything went fine that day.

That's a good day.

Yeah, but nobody recognizes you for that. They only recognize you when something goes wrong. And so they really don't get much praise. They just really get mostly criticism. And the media tears them apart. And so they said is like, the media is so hard on them. They just got all these. And then these are the people, you know, the one warden was talking about, you know, he has to go home, and his children now are seeing all these reports, and people are, you know, reading all this stuff, how hard that is. You know, you're. You're a good person, a good dad, and everybody's criticizing your dad. You know, it's really tough.

That's not fun.

No. So, you know, but this is what you're dealing with as well as, you know, you don't know the home that the children are growing up in. So they're, you know, they're coming in with a whole bag full of different things, and no two people have it the same way. So tell me about some of your successes, because I know you're really super successful in doing this. You don't grow to what you've done without having a lot of success. So share with us some of the success.

I have some specific kids in mind who came to us really dysregulated, really tough situations. The success, for me, I actually get asked that a lot by parents when they're first questioning about joining our team and having us work with their families. Family, they'll often say, like, how do you measure it? And grades would be an obvious improvement, but it's pretty far down our list. We have lots of other markers that we're watching for that have to do with regulation and calm. And so I think there's a. There's a particular boy that comes to mind who lost his father during COVID And he was in, I believe, sixth grade and falling asleep in class. And mom was at her wits end, didn't know what to do. They came and talked to me. And so out comes the story that dad recently passed and that they had also moved. And I was like, well, no wonder he's sleeping. He doesn't want to be present to any of this. It makes perfect sense to me that he's checking out. So he came to sessions, started working with one of our team weekly. And for the first, honestly, first year, it was pretty challenging to get much work out of him. But our consistency in showing kindness, offering hospitality, we always offer them a warm drink and a treat. We try to just really be consistently safe and kind and calm. Eventually one day this boy said to the tutor, can I show you a picture of my dad out of the blue, hadn't talked about the father the entire first year. That was a massive win that he had to share that very personal space. And so of course, the tutor was prepared and handled it beautifully. And they got to see the photos of dad. And then the next couple of visits, it maybe wasn't mentioned again. And then it was mentioned again. And then some stories started coming out. One day this boy showed up for his sessions with a Ziploc bag of like, blackberries. And the tutor was like, what are these? And he said to him, I was out picking berries with my mom and I was thinking about you. Wow, these are for you. While the tutor was about near tears because that's another huge win that he had. The kind of wherewithal to even think of others at the time and then bring a gift. And then since then, he's made us a pie. He's brought gum to share with everybody at the tutoring center. Like, things like that are really important. Tells that his heart is more settled. And since then, his learning has just taken off and his disengagement has become full engagement. Mom is like, I don't know what you guys did. What happened? This is not the boy I brought you. And I'm like, yes, this is not the boy you brought us. That is, our mission is to give kids back to their parents in that way. Some of the other comments, I believe, for me that are big personal wins are when a family will say thank you for giving me my student back. We're not fighting anymore. They're owning their load. I don't know how you did that. What magic are you doing over there? And honestly, it comes back to every tutor being trained in my model and how to work with them when it comes time for them to show up with a difficult day. Especially I've had some teachers on my team who really struggle with the model because their whole training is about getting through the content. And they've come to my office after a session and they're like, we didn't get anything done. I don't know what to write home. And I'm like, well, tell me what happened? And they're like, well, for 25 minutes of the 55 minutes, they talked about all this drama with whatever. And I just look at my team, I'm like, that was the work. And now that bandwidth is cleared and they can go and do the rest of the work at home. Like you literally helped accommodate what they needed to process so that they could move on. Well done. And they're just, like, befuddled. They. They take the longest to train because of the other training that they've come in with.

It's the same thing in the medical field as well, is that we're breaking new ground and I'm showing things. We're actually. I'm going to publish this year a study on how we actually change the way the DNA is read and transcribed. It's phenomenal. Teresa, you're going to love to see this, because what I say is this unresolved trauma creates inflammation. Inflammation is a response to trauma, whether it's physical or emotional. So if you're punching me in the arm, my arm's going to swell up. Why? To protect it. Inflammation is not a problem. It's chronic inflammation that's the problem. So the cells go into a cell danger response to protect the integrity of the cell. So it becomes hardened and inflamed to stop any bacteria or foreign invader getting into the cell. Makes sense, right? So nothing gets into the cell, but nothing gets out of the cell. Now, when the danger's over, the inflammation will come back down and then the system will then turn back on. The immune system will come in and clean up. The problem is, is that people have not understood that trauma keeps running, emotional trauma. So what's going to happen to inflammation stays on. So the genes that Regulate that inflammation, stay upregulated. The genes that regulate the immune system are down, regulated. So now these kids get sick over and over and over because the immune system isn't strong enough to handle whatever's coming at them. So what I'm showing is, is that when we resolve the trauma, the inflammation comes down. The genes that regulate inflammation and the genes that regulate immune come up and we're proving it. It's going to be a world changing study to show that if you can heal the child like that, you can also heal their physical. So the way to get to it is the emotional. And if we get to the emotional, I believe 80% of all the illnesses we're dealing with are psychological.

You must see it all the time.

I see it so often. And whether it's test prep, I mean, some students who are coming to us for the sat, for example, if they've psyched themselves out of how they're going to do, they will literally be sick on test day. I see it all the time. And they're worried that their peer who's testing the same day is going to do better than them. They sabotage everything they've got going on to help themselves find out where they're good and where they're strong. Which is always our goal, is to celebrate how uniquely they are made and how they function in classroom and how they function with studying and how they can learn new things. But if they have that inflexible thinking piece, which is a really common thing that we measure on one of our incoming assessments, they are very rigid, which is an indication of trauma. Usually that's one of the things that shows up as trauma, as well as slower processing speed can also be a trauma indicator because everything shuts down.

What's energy? Energy, right. The energy is going to survival, right?

Yes.

Not to maintenance.

Which means they're not really focused on the Spanish they're trying to do or the English paper they're trying to write, or the math. It's so far down the list of things that they are paying attention to that it's. It's impossible to really try and just random content, it doesn't work.

So that's the way I describe it. If you're being chased by a lion and you're trying to read a book, you're not going to absorb any of the book.

Right.

Until you get away from the lion. Well, trauma is a perpetual lion. It stays on. It's the glitch that I talk about. So as long as that lion is still present, they're not going to be able to focus and yet they're going to then diagnose them that they've got an issue, you know, and then they're going to medicate them. And really all they needed to do is bring back safety. And so if the safety message becomes clear to them, then they can start to learn how to focus. And it makes perfect sense.

Yeah, it does make perfect sense. Especially the more you, the more I've seen it, the more obvious tells are. I can tell before a student ever comes in the door if they're going to need a little bit of more extra time to get regulated before they can start. And so I'll just give my team a heads up. Sometimes they're literally arriving at the center, getting screamed at in the car to get out, we're late and then come in and try and sit down.

And you know, that works real well.

Not going to work very well. So yeah, there's some like super basic things like that that aren't big trauma or P related, but they're, they're still coming in with a lot like up in there before they can get settled.

That's the old Henry Ford statement. Firings will continue until morale improves.

It's terrible. Yep. Right.

So who's going to be working really well when they're under that threat? And so the other thing that's interesting too is we also are publishing this study. We did a study on the gene bdnf, which is the gene that regulates neuroplasticity. So we showed that when took people, we brain mapped them before and the youngest was 15, the oldest was 63. And then we brain mapped them after they went through our program. And so when we did the study that we brought in an individual who was going to produce the results for us. So it's not our numbers, it's somebody, an independent producing the numbers. And so he's been doing it for 30 years. And he said to me, he goes, I'll be honest with you, I've heard about what you're doing. I don't believe you're going to get that much change in neuroplasticity. He says it takes a long time to get the brain to make changes like that. He says, so if you get a 10% change in brain plasticity, I would call that a home run. He says, I'm not sure if you'll get 10. He says, but if you do right, I would think that you accomplished a lot. So he says, but I'm just going to report the numbers. So don't get mad at me if you don't get the numbers right. And I said, that's fine. Just report the numbers. You know what we got, Teresa? 45% change in brain plasticity.

I believe it.

He went from our biggest skeptic to biggest fan. He says, I didn't think that was possible. But when we get the trauma out of there, the gene that regulates neuroplasticity upregulates and now they can focus and change and adapt and learn. And that's why you see so many children with trauma have trouble in school. Because the mind that the gene that actually regulates their ability to do what you're trying to get them to do isn't possible. It doesn't have the energy, doesn't have the power.

Wow. I know. I love that there's so many new things that you've discovered. We have a program for kids that's called attention memory and processing skills that builds in new neural pathways and it completely changes the student's ability to. It's not about education specific. It's all of life. Like it shows up at home before it shows up in the classroom. I. We are just. It's the thing that thrills us the most is to give a family hope that there's things that can be done and they're not stuck forever. And there's great programs out there. I love that we can refer your program to our families. I'm surprised how many don't jump at it because I think they misunderstand. I would love you to speak to this. I think they think it's going to be some kind of in depth therapy. And they're like, no thanks, we're not doing that with our kid. I just wonder how, how you help with some of that hesitation that they come with. Because I'm sure you guys get it all the time. I'm only getting it a little bit when I talk about your stuff. But I'm curious about that.

Yeah. One of the things that we've been dealing with for a long time is the fact that we sound too good to be true. You can eliminate post traumatic stress in four hours. How is that possible? I've been in therapy for years.

Right.

And it never did that. But it. What I said is what I talked about earlier is getting the brain and the mind into optimal condition to heal. It will heal. But if you'd never create that safety. Just so you talked about. That's why I love what you figured out already is when the child feels safe and connected, they will learn but they can't do that beforehand because the system's designed for survival. And as long as the survival process is running, it's going to be very difficult. It doesn't matter what program you use until you get. And I love the fact that you figured that out. If you get the connection first, then learning, as opposed to. They're trying to make the learning ahead of time. You can't do it. You're pushing information down a pipe that doesn't have the capacity.

No. No capacity. There's another student that comes to mind when you asked about success that I thought was. Was really heartbreaking at the time that the girl was coming in to sign up for the SAT with her dad and he had just finished his last radiation treatment for brain cancer. And she. And I was like, well, I don't know that test preps should probably not be on your plate right now. You've got a lot going on with dad's health. But she was insistent and he. He's like, no, I really want her to do it. Like, she really wants to do it. Well, guess what? How do you think she did for eight weeks? And I just said to her, you need to give yourself permission to just be with your dad and be present and put this on hold and come back another time. Well, she never did come back another time. She did not score well and her head was elsewhere the entire time. But our mission as a team for those eight weeks that we were with her was to just provide safety and kindness and a place that she could relax for the time. Even though technically we were supposed to be doing all this test prep curriculum, it wasn't about that for her. And when I think about kids today who are carrying huge burdens with sick parents or a divorced home split household, all the chaos that can come with all of that. And then you put those big things aside and then there's like the social anxiety at school, bullying, small or large stress with parents at home. Like, there just is. It's a very rare student to come in that's not carrying something. Like, it's pretty common across the board for our team to be like, there's a lot going on here. Were you aware? And usually I am. I have the sixth sense about my intake. I can tell them this is what's happening. This is what I saw, keep an eye out for this. And like, I'm 99% right all the time that I've nailed it. But it's come from experience of recognizing how it's showing up in the student. So I think the connection model is the future. I truly believe that what we've uncovered is how it should be done across the board and that I don't know how to get that out everywhere. But I'm trying and we're teaching and we're getting it out there because I truly believe that for our kids to succeed with the kind of interruptions that they are encountering in life now. I didn't encounter them when I was in school. My kids didn't encounter much of the social media stuff that's present today, which is a whole nother level of stress and trauma can be right in there. And addiction. When I was featured in the Wall Street Journal last year in December, and.

Yeah, I heard about that. Congratulations. That was amazing.

It was a great surprise. But the hundreds of families I talked to after that, I was blown away by literally every family I had a consultation with. Beautiful, lovely people were epically, like at a level of concern about their kids that I hadn't seen in a while. Every single call had something to do with schools not working. They're addicted to their phones. Can you help us with that? They're addicted to social media, they're addicted to gaming. All these things that were like taking the place of a relationship with them as a parent, but then to fall out with education. So they were calling me for the education piece, but that wasn't really the piece. It was all this other stuff. And so that's when I hooked up with you guys because I was like, I got a lot of families and they need a lot of help. And I really, truly believe if they had all done what I had suggested, that might be very different today.

So we have to figure out a way to get that done. Because you're right. And the thing that you have said, like, again, your connection before content is actually the question they don't know that they're actually asking you is why are they on social media? Connection. So if you're not providing connection in any other way and their only source of connection, and it comes back to the survival brain, it's a primitive instinct. If we are connected to our tribe, we're safe. If we're excommunicated from the tribe, we die.

Yeah.

So when you think about a thousand years ago, if the tribe decided to excommunicate you, you were definitely going to die because you had no support. So that drive to go to social media, even though it's not healthy, is coming because they're not getting connection somewhere else.

Yes, 100%.

And so what you're doing in school and tutoring them is actually giving them maybe the only connection they have.

That's how we look at it. We literally anticipate that this might be the kindest, safest spot they've had for the day.

Yep.

Or the week.

Yep. Absolutely.

We don't know what else is going on out there. And that's what really drives the atmosphere that we create in our centers and in our virtual sessions. It's really. It's such a high value to us that we're paying attention to all those unspoken things. I actually tell my team, answer the questions they're not asking you out loud.

Yes. Yep.

What are the questions? And then I have the team throw them back at me. And they're getting so good at it because it's so, so, so important. And then the same way, when we send the notes home to the parents at the end of the session, we're answering the questions they're not asking out loud, too. And that is. Is my kid gonna be okay? Is this. Are you seeing them? Do you really see them? Are you. Are you attending to them the way that I need you to? Those kinds of things. It's a lot of fear. There's so much fear that parents have and that kids are bringing, that we have to be aware of and really take into account how we speak to them and how we present. So it requires a regulated adult, very calm, patient, regulated adult, to sit with kids who are not regulated.

Absolutely not.

Get spun out by their dysregulation.

And the number one fear for the human mind is uncertainty.

Yes.

So the more certainty they can create around themselves, even if it's not good. Right. They're still trying to create that certainty. And then the problem is, is you've got parents who maybe really love their children, but they're dysregulated, so they can't provide that safe space. And, you know, people talk to me all the time. What's the best advice you can give to a parent? And I said, make your home safe. It's got to be the place that they can come and rest. Right. Without any fear. I grew up with that. I had this amazing childhood. My parents never yelled, never argued, never fought. Teresa. Like that's not an exaggeration. It was that calm.

Were they alive? Yeah. Yeah.

I know. You think they're robots. Maybe they were. Maybe this was an alien experiment. But I tell the story of. And this is not what would happen in a typical home, but it happened in my home when I was 6 years old. My dad was sitting down at his desk writing out bills. And I remember at 6, sitting down with him and asking him what he's doing. So he thinks, oh, this is a good teaching moment. So he's showing me how he takes a check and then he takes the bill and he's asked me to help him put the check in the envelope. The bill in the envelope gives me a sponge to seal it and then give me a stamp. Those were before the self sealing stamps. You had to seal it up. And then he said, now do me a big favor and run this down to the mailbox on the corner and put it in the mail for me. So I'm all excited. I remember this day, I ran full speed. I'm so excited. I'm working with dad. And then I come running back and my dad's not at the desk, but I see a whole bunch of other bills and envelopes that obviously need somebody to take care of. So I just start randomly stuffing paper into envelopes, sealing them up. I took every single stamp and used every one. I didn't want to waste any because I thought this is going to be a really good idea. And I ran them back down to the mailbox. I remember trying to stuff them in because, you know, the slot there was too many. I couldn't get them all in. I'm trying to push them through. I finally get them all in. I go running back thinking, you know, my dad's going to be so happy, he's going to give me another assignment. And I get back and my dad's sitting there and he goes, where are all the other bills and envelopes? And proudly I say, I mailed them for you. And that's what he did. He laughed and he said, I don't think I explained this very well.

Oh my gosh, what a way to laughed.

He laughed and he realized, oh my gosh, of course the kid would do that. I, I didn't explain it very well, as opposed to thinking the 6 year old should have figured it out, right? So growing up in that kind of an environment, right? And then he explained to me, you know, it's specific that has to go into that. And so I learned something. But I didn't feel stupid, I didn't feel humiliated, I didn't feel threatened or shame. And so he gave me a great life lesson. And then, you know, I have so many experiences like that. So if I made it, we got disciplined if we did something wrong, but it was never an anger. It was always like, here's the consequences of the mistake you made. But it was never like, I'm going to get. So if you made a mistake, you weren't afraid, right? That you're gonna get hurt.

There's so much fear. I. Yeah, I see that, too. I feel like one of the things that we love here in the office is. Is if we hear kids laughing, that really good tell that safety is at play. Because everybody's busy, right? Doing their work or trying to do their work or whatever. So whenever there's, like, somebody's throwing their head back and having a good howl, I'm like, we win. We have fun. This is. This is what it's about. I love that he did that. That was great. That's a great story.

So many another one that was sort of interesting is When I was 12, hockey was my big sport. So my dad had his car parked in the driveway, and they were just pretty narrow driveways, but I'd have the net at the end, but his car's sort of in the driveway. So I think I know how he does this. I'm just gonna back it up, right? I'm 12. So I get in the car. I don't even close the door because I think this is easy. I'm just going to turn it on and back it up. I don't know. It's a standard, so I have no idea that it's in gear. So as soon as I turn the key, it jumps, right? And the doors open and it hits the chimney on the other person's house, right? It stops, but it bent the door. And so, like, I'm like, oh, what am I going to do? So I went and I told my dad, even though I was, like, nervous, I had made a mistake, right? And so he comes with me. He says, well, what? He says, are you okay? The first thing he says, are you okay? Is everybody okay? I said, yeah, everybody's fine. He looks at the damage on the door and he says, okay, we're going to have to get this fixed, and you're going to do it with me. You're going to sit with me while I fix it. We're going to go get the parts, whatever we need, right? That's. That was sort of my punishment. I had to. I just can't let him fix it. He's going to make me do it with him. I have to be involved. And then he starts explaining how a transmission works and why it jumped back and what you have to do. And it has to go into gear, has to be in neutral when you start it, and When I turn the key, it was in gear. It turned the engine, which turned the axle. He explained the whole thing. I remember that description going, oh, well, that makes sense.

Wow.

Never feeling like I was going to be yelled at or screamed at. I felt bad because I knew I had made a mistake, and I felt like I damaged the car. And I. The biggest thing I never wanted to do, Teresa, was disappoint my father. That was the worst. Right?

Yeah. It's that high. That connection is like. You don't want it breaking.

No.

When you have that, it's protecting. You don't want to protect that. It's. So that's. So that's such a great example, too, because there's so many kids that are. That's not their story. And they do come in with so much fear and shame of doing wrong or getting bad grades or. And so much so that they're hiding results and hiding that they've missed stuff. Insane. They've turned them in and the teacher hasn't graded. Like, there's a lot of drama around hiding things because of fear. And so I feel like if we can give them a safe place to unpack it and address it and make a plan without judgment and then see them own it, then that's the first steps toward, you know, them ultimately owning their work and being in charge of what they need to be in charge of confidently, like, in doing it because it's something they want to do, not because everybody's about to beat them over the head with something if they don't get it done. Yeah.

How well do we respond in fear? We don't. We don't respond well in fear. We go into that sympathetic nervous system response, which is going to change the way we operate. And that's why I always say where you want to operate from is that calm state. That's a person who's much, much more effective. Because I had a guy tell me one time, I was speaking at the Spartan World Championships, these guys are phenomenal athletes. And he said to me, he said, I'm telling him about how I teach them to be able to stay calm so they can perform at a higher level. And he goes, well, I don't know about this. He goes, because I was always told that that nervous butterflies in your stomach before a competition is good for you. And he says, what do you think about that? And I said, no, it's not. You're burning energy.

Right, Right.

And so why would you want to do that? I want you calm before you.

But that's not what we're taught. We're taught that those butterflies, those nerves are really good for you. And it, and it shocks me because I watch like, let's just take a singing competition, right? And you've got this young lady, she's got a voice of an angel. And she talks about how nervous she is. And I'm like, gosh, if I had that voice, that last thing I am is Nerf. I'm like, let me go out first. Because everybody's going to go home, they're going to know the competition's over. But that's not how we're taught. And it's coming from all of those experiences in their childhood that has taught them to do that, to operate that way. So you're providing that safe haven that could maybe adjust. And look how much better they do when they're not feeling threatened or dysregulated.

It's amazing. It's literally, it feels like such a privilege to witness the shift. And really, once those shifts start to happen, they are so easy to lean into and support. So easy. But all the resistance and pushback and whatever they think it is that they're coming to or being forced to come to or whatever they think tutoring might look like or the programs that we offer, very quickly, that settles. Because they start seeing, oh, you treat everybody the same. It's not just me. Oh, this is always the same consistency. Always calm in here. It's always peaceful. I have a lot of kids. That's the one comment they say the most is that it's so peaceful here. And I'm like, oh my gosh, that's so interesting that they, their spirits would recognize that because obviously it's not the norm for them to comment. It's not the norm. And so that just feels really sacred. Like we want to protect that because of what we're actually doing with their lives. And not just the content, right? So that confidence and self esteem is intricately connected to 100 to the safety they feel.

Well, it's all about safety. And that's what's the primary mission of the brain, is to keep you alive and keep you safe. So it's looking for that everywhere. And if it's looking for danger that interferes with that. So if they've got a lot of experience with I don't do this well, I don't do that well, or I get yelled at when this goes wrong, then they're looking for that. I talk about my wife. My wife grew up in a very traumatic household with a very Very angry, violent father. So when I first met her, I could see. And that's probably what you do too. You see in these kids who they really are, but they don't feel it. So when I first met my wife, I was like, she's this loving, beautiful person because my. My sense was so clear. I could see it so easily, and yet she didn't feel it. And if I said something as simple as, no, I don't like that, Even just that calmly, she would tear up and start to cry and say, why are you upset with me?

And I'd go, all that programming. Oh, yeah.

How do you think I'm upset? She goes, well, the way you said it, you're getting upset. And I go, no, I'm really not at all not upset. She wasn't wrong, and I wasn't wrong. I wasn't upset. But she was so super sensitive to sound so that she could hear if I was a little tired at the end of the day. And there was a little change in the inflection in my voice. I'm not mad, but that sounded like I was yelling. So that would activate her nervous system. And then her nervous system goes into fight or flight. And it's not making any sense to me at that time because I didn't understand it. I'm like, how did I do that? Like, I know I wasn't mad. So I've got to choose my words carefully. I got to be careful how I say it. I. I was doing everything, but I could activate her with nothing, with just.

A look, which makes sense. It makes sense that she's hyper alert. Yeah. For safety, but not now. Makes perfect sense. Yeah.

Once you get the trauma out of the way, she still has her ability to protect herself, but at the same time, now she's not activating on everything.

Yeah.

Where before she definitely would have.

Yeah. For sure. I love that you're. I love that we found you. My niece had done your program digital. She had very big capital T trauma that this program completely changed her after having done all the other modalities of therapy and whatever. It was remarkable. And so I did it as well. I did it with my husband and my daughter, and we did it in a Saturday. On a Saturday morning. We blocked it off. Did it in the four hours together. Beautiful. My daughter's hesitation about the. The program was, you know, I don't want to talk about whatever I'm. My trauma is. And I'm like, you don't have to talk about it. She's 31 now. She was Very reluctant, which is what I. It's probably pretty common, I would imagine. Reluctant to do the work. She wasn't sure what we were doing. But the training you do on the front end, getting you ready for the work you're going to do was very fascinating. She was fascinated by it. And after it was over, like two days later, she came in the kitchen and said to me, I feel different today. And I said, what's. Tell me what's different? And she said, I feel like I had a thousand computer tabs open in my mind and more than half of them got turned off.

Yeah, that's it.

Which was her anxiety. Part of her anxiety. And I was like, oh my gosh, how cool is that? So it was interesting to see her response and then my husband's response and then mine. I was getting ready to go to my son's wedding and hadn't seen my ex husband for 18 years and there's massive big capital T trauma related to that relationship. So I did your. The tip program in anticipation of that day and was able to be 100% present at the wedding, completely present to my son, and not have that angst and fear about the day that I had had thought I was going to be and that would be such a distraction. So we are like 100% sold on this program and tell everyone we can think of whenever it comes up in a conversation that this is available. And so first of all, thank you for what you've put together. I love that we personally can share it because it's not just something we're offering that we don't really know about. It's actually impacted our lives in a positive way. I love that beautifully. Yeah.

Yeah. And that's what a lot of people. You know, again, the fear is I'm going to have to go through a lot. It's going to be painful. It's not right. It's very different. But the key is getting them into the optimal condition. And that's what all that education is all about.

Yeah.

Is all of a sudden it's like, well, this makes sense.

Yes. And I love the parts where you talk about the atmospheric conditions and how that dictates so much. It was really, really clear and really helpful. And so now my daughter, she's 31, she is doing great. She doesn't have the same anxieties she had. She's been in the Navy for 10 years and is living on her own. Like, it's beautiful. And it all started for her. She was born prematurely at £1 7 oz she was so tiny. And so there was a lot of, like, things they scared us with, with her development, that things would be wrong or would you know that her brain hadn't grown properly and all the, all the brain bleed, all the things that they scare you with. And she's just been an amazing, an amazing human that survived that traumatic birth, which was not her fault and had nothing to do with choices she made. So it's a wonderful gift to be now at this stage of life seeing her flourishing and seeing part of it is because of this program that we did.

So I love that. It's interesting because people don't understand, like, how does that work? How do you do that that fast? It's just science. The mind and body are designed to heal. What interferes with the healing is it doesn't get into. Like I said, you can be chased by a lion running on jagged rocks and bare feet. You won't feel the pain. You should get away from the lion now, the pain. Because the maintenance has to start.

Yes.

And so if the. If the mind and body aren't in that condition to start the healing, they're just going to deal with all the damage being done, all your feet getting torn up by the rocks. Right. But once you calm it down, then you can start the healing process. And I had a lady, I thought it was really good. She's actually a reporter with a big news agency. And she had been told by a couple of other people, another lady from a news agency who said, you got to do this program. And so she eventually did it, and she called up her friend and she says, I feel different. I can't sort of put a finger on it yet. She said, I can't describe it. I'm not sure what it is. And she says, so, you know, I'm just going to keep observing. I definitely feel different, but I can't describe it yet. And then she called her friend back the next day and she says, I just figured it out. She says, I was with my boss going over the show that we were about to do, and she says, and I'm always anxious, and I wasn't anxious. That's what I was feeling. It was gone.

It's unfamiliar to her. That's why she couldn't say it.

She knew it was different, but she couldn't put her finger on it until she's sitting there going, I'm not anxious talking to him. And so she goes, that's when I knew it was different.

Wow, that's so cool. I love how it Shows up in different places for people, like how their stories are. Everybody's story is unique, but how it actually changes their perspective on things.

The other thing that changes too, which is fat. This is why we call it the performance program, which fits in perfectly with what you want to do, is we all have another gear, we all have another level. And so physically, it also shows up. So that's why I love working with athletes, because we see it with athletes. So as an example, I had this one father. He wanted his daughter to go through the program. She's a Division 1 swimmer at her college, and she went through the program. And then afterwards, he said to her, he says, so how do you feel? You know, they run around. How do you feel? How do you feel is everything? And she's going, I feel good again. I'm not sure, right? She was pretty high functioning. I'm not sure what it is I'm feeling, but I definitely do feel better. So one of the things that I talk about is we actually change the mitochondria, the energy in the cells, so now you have less power when you've got all this stress going on. So she tells her dad, I definitely feel better. I'm glad I did the program. And then a month later, she's talking to her dad, and she says she went to a meet and blew away the competition. And she went back. Like, I had this great meet. She went back, and look, she was making personal bests all the month leading up to the event.

Oh, wow.

She was improving her skills.

Couldn't tell how she felt, though.

But it was showing up physically. We have so many people who break world records. Another guy, he sent me a. A map. He's from Phoenix. He sent me a map of a Saddlebrook Country Club, which is a golf course. And he sent me this map with this red line through the golf course. And I'm like, why is he sending me a map with a red line? And then he calls me a few hours later. He said, you get my map? And I said, yeah. You're like, yeah. And I said, what is that? And he says, that's the route I run every day. I do that every single day. And he says, but I was running last night with my girlfriend, and she got upset with me and said, slow down. Why are you running so fast? Like, why are you out running me? He goes, I'm just running. I'm not out trying to do anything. I'm just running. He says, when I got back, he realized he'd been making personal bests. He Wasn't trying to outrunner. He was running faster because he had more energy.

Yeah. The energy was released. Right. From not being stuck.

Yep, yep. And it shows up physically as well as emotionally. So those are the things that we're doing the studies on. Because when you see that, like one of the tests that we do in the DNA study, which is absolutely fascinating, I didn't realize this, but they showed us in the test gait speed, like how you walk. Everybody's improving their gait speed.

Oh, wow.

Just go through the program and it shows up in their DNA.

Well, that makes. That makes perfect sense. Right? Everything's affected. Like, everything.

The whole system.

All the systems are. They're so integrated together that it makes sense it would show up in different. Different. Wow, that's fast.

Yeah. So I love that the Wall Street Journal picked up on what you're doing. So tell me how they did that, what happened, and what are you seeing as a result?

So I am a board member for the National Tutoring Association. I have been for a couple years. Been a member for, I don't know, 17 or 18 years. And about two years ago, they asked me to be the special media liaison for people who are looking for interviews and stuff. So I've done a bunch of them. And I got an email from the president of the NTA that day saying, here's another. Another interview. Would you take it? And so I said, sure. I didn't know who it was. I didn't know who it was until we were done. I. This is. This is the wildest part, which is a piece we were going to discuss. So let me back out of that for just a second. I didn't know that the Wall Street Journal was a big deal. I didn't know I was talking to a lady at the Wall Street Journal until it was over, which was probably good because I was just my normal roll. But the reason that I don't know that the Wall Street Journal was a big deal is because I grew up overseas. I literally was in other countries from the age of 10 on, living on a hospital ship with mercy ships, traveling the world, giving free medical care to all these different countries that we were invited to. And so I. I have missed huge portions of American culture growing up. There's so many funny things that my husband's like. Remember this TV show when you watched when he was a kid? I've never heard of it. Stuff like that. I just. There's huge chunks that I don't have. Wall Street Journal apparently was one of those chunks that I did not have. And so the article came out and in December, my husband says we should look online and just see what kind of comments we're getting for the article. And I was like, okay, so you know, there's like a thousand comments and they're flying in fast. And I was like, oh my goodness.

Wow.

I had no idea. But the article was focused on the distraction and the, the population right now that seems to be struggling the most is middle school boys with organization and engagement, which is right up our alley. And so I was able to speak to our model and what we're doing to, for her to contribute to the story. And then they were tracking another family who has ADHD diagnosis and trying to get him tracking through medication and all the things. So it was my contribution to that article. That is why we were there. But I didn't realize that it was a big deal until everybody in my world was like, holy cow, Teresa, how that happened. And I'm like, well, I don't actually know. Kind of wild. So I feel like the, the fallout from that article was all these families reaching out for help and asking for us to help intervene with their boys. And our population kind of plays out that way too. We have a higher boy population than girl. And the issues around organizational coaching, which is one of the things that we provide, is kind of paramount to almost every student that shows up. It's a rare student that comes in and has like got a handle on everything and has good systems in place. Most don't and most don't want their parents to help them with that. And most don't want to do anything other than use the calendar on their phone. And so we are taking in those families that we've been working with have seen huge impact shifts around managing their load, tracking homework, following through with turning things in, changing their mindset about how their brain works and using the systems that best suit the way they process. And that's all determined on our upfront assessment that we use through a company called Mindprint Learning. And it's like a blueprint, our fingerprint, everybody's is unique, but it's a mind print and it measures the 10 cognitive functions that impact learning. And then it comes with this tailor made list of strategies that would be probably the most effective right away so we don't have to like throw spaghetti at the wall and hoping we're starting with a bit of a running head start, but that empowering the student to understand where their brain's superpowers are because everybody has sections that are Amazing is really paramount to building confidence. And then they kind of learn that they have this kind of ace up their sleeve in how they perform in the classroom because they got their results and didn't know that their verbal reasoning was like the strongest thing or flexible thinking was really high. And I always make a big deal of that particular one because it's so common for it to be a skill to support. But when kids come in with good flexible thinking skills, they can make. They can pivot easily and make changes much easier. That really benefits them in test prep. So there's lots of celebrations and then using those strengths to support their weaker areas. So across the board, for families who are asking for help for that, that's kind of how we onboard them. And then in communication with the family, we just become part of the family for a while and helping make sure that what we're suggesting, they know what it is and how to follow up at home and help the students have successes there. And then they report back with us. So we're kind of like a third party saying the same things the parents are saying, most likely. But we kind of have a bit of a cheat there because they are more responsive to us and more willing to dive into those things because we're not mom and dad. So it feels like we have a little bit of a. Like we're cheating because we actually get better results. But then we. They get a good system going and they. They change how they're managing and then we hand them back and they're not with us sometimes for very long. And then there's other families that have been with us for six years. It's just that they found their tribe and they might change subjects through the years as they get older. But I've told many a parent, your student doesn't need any more help on this math or this whatever, name it. And they're like, that doesn't matter. Good. They're coming for the rest of their high school years. Like you. You've got them forever. And then when they go to college, we tutor them through college too. Like, it's so fun be part of the longevity of knowing families. And then siblings and then cousins are coming. So it's kind of like protect them all as we can. But it's because of the. I believe it's because of our approach is so tailored to them. And. And really when you know who you are and what you are good at, you kind of change how you view the world and what your. What your possibilities are. And that's really the root of trying to make the good connection and really support who they are, because they're all so different and unique and beautiful and struggling. But that doesn't mean they're not unique and beautiful. It just means that we have to work on some things. And so being able to provide that support. That's a very long answer for the Wall Street Journal.

No, but that's. But that's. That's why it resonated, I think, with a lot of people. It's one of the things that I say very early on when I start the presentation is I've had Teresa, I've had people cry when I say this to them. I'll say, there's nothing wrong with you, and there's nothing wrong with your mind. Your mind is dealing with some events and experiences that are taking it out of regulation. Right. And most of the times it's a glitch. It's an error message. We just need to reboot the system.

Makes so much sense. Yeah. Why they cry?

Because that's not what they've been told.

Right. And they think they're broken, and they've been told they're broken.

The same thing with adhd. I have a very different way of. This is what I explain with adhd. I'll say to them, did you have a stressful home growing up? Whether it was intentional or not, you could have two professional parents that love their kids, but they're totally stressed out professionally. It's going to show up in the children. So they're not trying to do it. It's just the way they're dealing with their stress. So if during the most formative brain development years, between 0 and 7, this child is dealing with all of this stress, intentional or not, the child doesn't have fight or flight options. You and I, as adults, if we get into a disagreement, you can fight with me or walk away. A child doesn't have either. They can't fight. They can't walk away. So how do they deal with the stress? They literally do this. They tune it out. They'll focus on anything but that stress. So now they look totally distracted. They can't focus. But they trained their brain to do that.

Yeah.

And so.

Yeah.

To survive.

Yeah.

So now you stick them in a school and you say, now focus on that. That lady up at the front of the class. Well, they've trained the brain to do the opposite. And then they diagnose them that there's something wrong. They have adhd. Well, no, they just need to retrain their brain yeah, there's nothing wrong with them. It's a coping mechanism. They coped with their stress by unfocusing.

Yeah.

And yet now, here's what's fascinating. So many of them are very, very smart. And then I just had a rather very bright. I just had a. I was in a conference last week and this one gentleman said, you know, had ADHD and it is super successful. And I said to him, tell me what you're really good at. And he goes, well, here's what. Here's where my strengths are. And I said, the reason you were able to do that is because you were interested in it. When you have interest in something, the ADHD doesn't stay because now you can focus because you like what you're doing when you found. But now because you do things, you trained your brain. If I'm not interested in this, ignore it, don't pay attention to it. So they can diagnose themselves or get diagnosed with adhd, when in actual fact they're brilliant. All they have to do is find out what they're interested in and they can excel. And so it's actually a great way to train your brain, but it turns up in school as you've got problem.

And some of the parents. Now I'm having more and more parents say I'm ADHD and now my kid is, or I suspect or whatever. And I'm like, there's so much trauma probably lurking here that isn't being talked about. I'm sure you've heard of Gabor, mate.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

He said somewhere he likes to. He likened it to attunement deficit. And I was like, that is exactly how I observe it in our kids too. And so I feel like we've had a. We've had. There's lots and lots of kids who come who have a diagnosis who are in the middle of a diagnosis or they're suspicious that they have it, they're starting meds in the middle of the med change or fully medicated and have, you know, it's better for them. Like, we have all variations of that showing up here. There was a young boy whose father also passed away during COVID and mom was diagnosed with cancer and his ADHD was off the charts. And I'm like, well, no kidding.

Like, yeah, don't focus on that problem.

He. There's so much he doesn't want to look at. It makes perfect sense. But when they come and they work with us one on one, the ADHD usually isn't present.

No. Because they're interested, you make it interesting. And now they want to pay attention. And they can pay attention.

Yes. And so I'm like, I get asked like, why doesn't it show up here? And I'm like, it's the way we're working with them. But I don't know how to, I don't really know how to explain it well. But it's almost always a family will come in with a diagnosis, a medication or an IEP for their individual education plan, all these things, or an IQ or whatever. And I'm like, everybody just stop with the boxes, please, and let me just. Your student.

Yes.

And we have a great session. Like, it's all that noise I feel like is also contributing to what's happening.

And as soon as you give them something that's interesting and exciting, the way you're presenting it is not the way they got it presented to them in school.

And that's what they say often. I wish my teacher would have just said that, or can you come teach my class? I'm like, you wouldn't want me in your classroom. That would not be a good combo. I am a one on one girl. Like, this is our sweet spot. But I hear that because I, I'm catching that. Why didn't somebody else do it this way? Or that's what I needed. And honestly, it's someone taking the time and being attentive and totally complex and making it interesting. Yeah.

So the way you present the information, and that's what I said to this gentleman is I said, why are you able to do these other things so well? Right. When you tell me you have adhd, so you don't have it when you do what you like and you do have it when you don't do what you like. Well, that's human, of course. And so it's, it's such a different way to, to look at it. And so I, you know all of these diagnosis that they get put in on them. Do you ever read the book or hear Jim Quick talk?

His name's familiar, but I don't know off the top of my head.

He's the world's leading expert on memory. And Jim Quick went through our program. I did his podcast with him. He loved what, what I did. But his story is fascinating because what he said was when he was in kindergarten, he was on a chair and he fell, hit his head on the radiator. So he had a brain injury. And he says he remembers not being able to focus and not be able to remember. So he was really Struggling in school. And so one time, the teacher asked him to read something from the book, and he couldn't. He was struggling. And the kids started to laugh. And, you know, that nervous laughter, you know, that it's, like, embarrassing. And the teacher said, again, probably thinking she's helping him. She goes, don't laugh at Jim. Jim has a broken brain. And he says. And that's when he quit. He said, I can't learn. Of course I can't learn, right? My brain's broken. So he struggled all through school, and he tells this story, and he says the only thing that he loved was the X Men, you know, the Marvel comics. And he said, I felt like a misfit. The reason I like the X Men is because they're the misfits. And he lived in Connecticut?

Yep.

And he says, as a kid, I remember riding my bike around thinking that the academy has to be here. It's in Connecticut. If I find the academy, that's the school I want to go to, because I would fit in. He's got this amazing ability to focus on X Men and everything. He loved about it, struggling in school. And then he said, to make a long story short, he says, I don't know how, but I managed to get into a college. And he says, and I was still struggling. And to the point that he said to his roommate, he says, I just have to drop out. And the roommate says, I'll tell you what. Before you drop out, come back with me this weekend. I want you to meet my dad and just talk to my dad before you quit. And so he said, okay. So he went for the weekend, and the father sat down with Jim and said, jim, write down the things that you love, that you want to do in your life. He says, make a list for me. So Jim says he sat down and he sort of wrote out the list. And the father grabbed it from him. So let me look at this. He says, now I'm mortified because I want anybody to see this. And so he's like, oh, no. This guy's looking at, you know, my innermost secrets and what I want to do. And so he has this wall of books, like a library. And he goes to the wall, and he takes five books off the shelves, and he says, now, Jim, I want you to promise me something. Before you quit college, I want you to read these books. And so he says, will you agree that you'll read the books before you decide to quit? He says. And Jim says in his own mind, he's going, I don't Think this guy heard me? I can't read a book, let alone five books. So he says, so I agree just to get out of there, he says, and on the plane ride, yeah, on the. On the plane ride home, he says, I pick up one of the books and I start reading it. Before I knew it, I'm like, almost through the book.

He found a book he was interested in. The father realized what he was interested in by giving the list. And as soon as he gave him material, right, that he was interested in, he could focus. They just haven't given him anything that he was interested in.

Holy. Which undid that lie that his brain was broken, right?

And now he's the world's leading expert on memory. And so it was really fascinating because the other story he tells, which I love telling, is because he says, so now I'm this world expert on memory, he says, I'm hired by Universal Studios, he says, to work with some of their executives. And he says, so I'm in a meeting with their executives. And he says, and the president of Universal said, let's go to lunch. Jump on the golf cart with me. We'll go to the cafeteria. And on the way to the cafeteria, he says, he sees the Wolverine billboard up in Universal Studios. And so he says to the president, he goes, that was my hero. When I was growing up, the X Men were my heroes. And so the president says, where are you going to be for the rest of the week? And he said, well, I head back to my home in Los Angeles. He says, if you want, we're shooting the scene at the Academy in Montreal. We're shooting that whole scene for the movie. Do you want to come with me? And he says, so I'm flying on a private jet with Holly Berry, Hugh Jackman, all of these people, they let me stay there with them for a few days. I'm working on their lines to help them with all of that. And he says, what an amazing like this is living his life's dream as a kid, he says he gets back home and there's this big package waiting for him, and it's a giant poster of all the X Men with him in it. And they all signed it and said, welcome to the Academy.

Wow.

Incredible.

That's incredible. I love stories like that where the. I think the impact of our words, I think we're careless as a culture, for sure. I mean, in a way, cursing others. And to say that his brain was broken was a curse to him, really, until he got free of that. And I feel like that Part of our training with our team and the connection and all that is. It's really the intention and how you say what you're saying and what you focus on. And it's so significant because we all believe things that aren't true about ourselves. Like the girl who was singing. Like you were saying she had a beautiful voice, but there was a whole bunch of lies that she had about whether she would be liked or valued or whatever those things were for her. From her story matter, I love. That's a great story. I haven't heard that one.

I loved it. I sat with him when he was telling me the whole story and I was just like, this is amazing. And then the other thing that was interesting, I wrote my fourth book. I called it Don't Mess With My DNA. Because it's all what I'm working on. And this is one of the things I talk about in the book. It's just like you talked about how words can have an impact. And I said, with the best of intentions, you can hurt a child. So that teacher wasn't trying to hurt him, she was trying to help him. She thinks she's helping him by making an excuse for him, but what she did is she set a tone for him for the rest of his life. And so I talk about when my wife was growing up. So she's got this traumatic household she's already in. And then some of the mothers in the neighborhood decided to put a tea party together so that all the little girls could come to the tea party. So she's all excited because she's a girly girl and she gets her grandmother dresses her all up and she gets to the tea party and the mothers are greeting them. And the one mother says to Bridget, she goes, oh my gosh, Bridget, you're going to be such a heartbreaker when you grow up. And all the other mothers are like, oh yeah, you are going to be a real heartbreaker.

Unison. I all agree.

She says, I felt sick to my stomach and had to go home. What she heard is, you're a bad person. You're going to break people's hearts. Now, they're not trying to say that, but a six year old doesn't know what that means. So she's filtering through her experiences thinking that that is a bad thing and they're not trying to do that. So you have to be so careful with the words. And also in the book, I tell the story, which is funny, which isn't traumatic at all, but I remember my mother saying at times it's difficult to make ends meet.

Oh, yeah.

And I remember as a child thinking we were having a problem with meat. Getting meat to get together. Like two pieces of meat.

That's your child's brain. You don't have the capacity to.

No, that's exactly. And I tell that story because it's sort of funny. It wasn't harmful to me, but I. I just assumed there was some sort of a problem. And do you ask the child? No.

No, you don't. You just move.

What do you mean? Ends meet? There's a problem with meat in this house. I don't know what it is. Having trouble getting them together.

That's actually a good example because kids will say things here about something someone said and you're. I'm like, oh, my goodness. Like, wow. Which is why we spend a lot of time focusing on the strength and using the strength to start.

Yes.

Not the other way around. It's kind of like the strength finder assessment. I love using that for some of my hires because everybody else in the generalized population and the generalized procedure of getting hired talks about, tell me your weaknesses. Well, I'm like, I want to know where you're a superstar, because that will help with the things that we know will show up eventually. It's with us with students too. And if they know that they're good at something or that they have a strength that other kids don't have, like, that's really powerful and it changes their. Their self esteem in a pretty significant way.

Just like Jim Cook talked about when the father gave him books that he made based on what he matched up with what the father figured, all of a sudden it was like he woke him up.

That was. Yes. Oh, that's a good phrase. Wake them up. I feel like that's. That's really what's happening here too.

Yeah. And so once they identify what they're good at, no two people are going to be good at the same thing. Even the kids in the same household may not be good at the same thing, but when you identify.

It'S amazing what can happen.

It's interesting too, I think, in looking at students who come in for support. Usually they're at the end of their rope. By the time they call, they've tried everything they can try. And so there's a certain sense of hopelessness, I guess, being here with our team and how we're working with them creates a community they didn't have in a way that's unique. And I feel like that's such an important piece of Our humanity and how we do best when we have community around us. And I realized recently, talking to somebody else about my upbringing, that traveling the world the way I did exposed me to a lot of different cultures. And to this day, I have friends flung around the globe that are lifelong friends. Learning the different cultures and learning the way where we're the same and how we are all interconnected to each other really feeds this model that I've developed, which I didn't connect to my childhood. I connected it to those kids I started with. But it really actually goes farther back that in my DNA, really, truly in my DNA. First of all, salt water's in my DNA because I was living on the ocean. But this whole idea of community and connection and then support for others and celebration, it's all connected to that and all goes back to the. My early, early years. So I feel like in some way, it's kind of my pedestal to speak on. I. It's what I preach all the time. But I'm doing it in a way with my team that really helps them. Actually. They're building new connection in their own communities because of the way they're doing this job. It kind of has this ripple. Like, it. It goes out, you know, like, it's really powerful. And your work, too. Like, your work is the same. You're undoing all these things that have all this ripple effect in every area of their lives, which is so beautiful. It's really so beautiful.

Well, that's. That's why when I heard, when you told me that you were living on a medical ship going around the world helping people, it's no surprise where you're sitting right now.

I didn't put that together, but I do now.

You are absolutely a person that wanted to save people, help people, and you were just drawn to this. And you're a natural at it. That's why it came so easy to you. You're a natural. You could see things. It was sort of similar to what I talk about is people say, how did you figure all this out? And I had this idyllic childhood, and I came in as an entrepreneur. I wasn't coming into this for the medical side. I was coming in to save my daughter. And so if I didn't do this, my daughter would not be alive today. So I came in with a mission of figuring out, what did they miss? And that's what you did. You saw, what have they missed? And that came from your ability to heal other people, help other people. That was your mission. That's what your parents mission. So you came in as a person ideally suited to do what you're doing.

Yeah. Isn't it amazing how it all like fits together? It is wild. Yeah. Yeah. I do love it. I thought it's. It's everything to me that to be able to pursue this and, and change kids lives one at a time, I just want it to get out farther and bigger and be more the norm.

Than what we have right now definitely should be. So anything that we can do to help spread that and I think we'll be doing a lot more stuff together and helping you to help your people and. Yeah. So we'll definitely figure out how to make all that work. So thank you so much for your time. I know we went probably a little longer, but it was.

We're good. We're so good. I'm happy to be with you. That was really fun. I love what you're doing.

Yeah. And I love what you're doing too. It makes so much sense to me. So I'm a big believer in whatever we can do to help children. What you're doing is changing lives. You're not just teaching them, you're changing their life. And there isn't anything more rewarding than that.

I know it's true. Thank you.

So thanks, Teresa, for being a part of and everybody for listening to another episode of you must be out of your mind. And there it is.

And there it is.

You're used to hearing that.

I love that we still say that around the house when we have things happening. And there it is.