190 - Amplifying Voices: Empowering Young Women Through Listening and Leadership with Yes Girls Create's Therese Myers

Welcome to Listening with Leaders. I'm Doug Noll, lawyer turned peacemaker. I teach executive leaders how to listen to emotions rather than words so that they can become the leaders everyone wants to follow. And I teach those same leaders how to be authentically present, available, and connected to their families despite being insanely busy. I have learned that we are 98% emotional and only 2% rational. Learning how to listen to emotions is, in my experience, the foundational skill of life. Stick around to the end of the show and I'll reveal how you can be on our next guest in 15 to 20 minutes. So let's get started.

Therese Myers, welcome to Listening with Leaders. You are the founder of a nonprofit in New York City called Yes Girls Create, found at yesgirlscreate.org. And you do this as a passion project because you, in your other life, you have a corporate job with Tiffany Company. Welcome to the show.

Thank you. Thank you for having me.

You're absolutely welcome. Um, we were talking before, and we both have a passion of working in nonprofit projects that are kind of our legacy projects. For me, it's Prisoner Peace. For you, it's, um, Yes Girls Create. Tell us a little bit about what led you into this project of helping young girls and young women, really, in, in New York City learn about life.

Well, I will say that Yes Girls Create was created literally out of a need for me to do something a little different with my life. And it started one day with me taking the train, and I was thinking, to myself and out loud and asking one of my friends, I know it has to be more that I want to do with my life. And what does that look like? And a friend of mine referred me to a transformational leadership class. And fast forward, I took it. It totally changed my life. And out of that, a moderator said, look to the person to your left and what will you be doing one year from today? And I don't even know where it came from, but I breathed the words is I'm going to create a nonprofit, uh, girls group, and it's going to be called Yes Girls Create. It actually— I said it was going to be called Girls Create, um, and over time it evolved to Yes Girls Create. So the wonderful thing about that is that it helped to be the catalyst for something not only life-changing to me but to all of the girls that I impact.

But tell us a little bit about the project.

So with Yes Girls Create, we are a nonprofit girls group um, based in the New York City area. We service girls ages 8 to 18, and we bring in female leaders to speak about their journey and path of how they came to be who they are, um, at present time. But we do it with a creative flair, and most importantly, we want the young ladies to see themselves in the women who come into our organization. But we also do it with a creative activity. So if we bring in someone in the fashion industry, we will create a task during session that is related to the topic that we're going to discuss. We have had seamstress comes in, come in. We have created vision boards on pillows, and we actually sew them. We've had bakers come in, and we brought in cakes, and we've, you know, basically brought in 30 vanilla cakes, and all the kids decorate them. But the topic was being alike but different, and just talk about the evolution of how we look. We start off the same, but we all end up differently. I mean, we've had mayors and We've had nurses, we've had makeup artists, we have scientists who come in and showed how they went into biology but turned their business of fashion and skincare from their love of science. So we want our young ladies really just to see that anything is possible. It's about really exposing them to women in fields that maybe they may have been exposed to, but perhaps they haven't. But how can you just really think differently about what your future can hold. And hopefully we're bringing some mirrors into their future to them.

So it— this sounds like a really terrific idea of exposing these young women, 8 to 18, to life opportunities that probably in their families of origin they would not be exposed to.

And that is correct. You know, it's about legacy building, but dreaming. Yes Girls Create is about unleashing the little girl in these adult women, but most importantly, allowing our young girls to see what the possibilities could be. And it may not look the same for two girls sitting in the same room, but it could absolutely, hopefully unlock an idea of creativity or STEM or music, whatever it is. It will expose them to something that they may not have had the opportunity to see in their day-to-day life.

So you've been doing this since 2018. Can you share any amazing stories, transformations, success stories of young women who have gone through the program and come out the other end?

And well, the great thing is in this 5 years, our butterflies— so our girls are categorized into 3 stages. We have our caterpillars who are 8 to 11, our chrysalis who are 12 to 14, and our butterflies who are 15 13 to 18. So this year is the first year that we are so excited to have our true graduates of the program. Um, so we have two young ladies who will be graduating this year. So the greatest transformation, I think, is seeing that some of them started when they were literally 12 with us, or 10, and now they are getting ready to go to college. They are experiencing life in its fullest, and most importantly, they have some wonderful ideas that can lead them into the future. You know, when I think about the young girls, the biggest thought in this 5 years of what has transformed for us is that we started in a daycare in Queens. I wasn't sure who was going to show up. I just knew that we had some really awesome volunteers. We were singing, we were ready for them. We had 12 girls. And literally just this week, we stood center stage at the Barclays Center in New York City and had the Game Ball handed off to us. So to think that you can have a vision and it starts off as just a seed, and then here it is 5 years later that it fully blossoms into something that's, you know, almost, you know, magical. Because our girls sat down in the first row at this place where, you know, holds thousands of people to play basketball, and they know that they've sat with us also in this daycare in these little seats. So it really is just something super, super, um, phenomenal in terms of the vision unfolding right before our eyes.

So I know that this project fills your soul. I'm just— you have a— you, you work for Tiffany Company, you've got a fairly important job there as director of data management. How does the work that you're doing with Yes Girls Create affect you in your— in the job that pays the bills?

You know what, I have been employed with them for just over 30 years, believe it or not, and I can say that in this time it's been the evolution evolution of learning about myself, learning how to run a business, learning how to coach and lead individuals. And I take that with me into my nonprofit world. Um, it is almost— some days my two worlds are totally different, but on other days, even as up to yesterday, you know, I volunteered with the Department of Education for National Women's Day for Youth Mentorship. It was from my job side, right, because they sponsored it. But so here are my two worlds coming together. So it's really being able to teach, inspire people that I work with who are adults, and then bring it into my, my world of these young women and do the same exact thing, just at a different age level.

So if you think about it, you've been doing this for a while now. What is it that gets you up in the morning, gets you really excited, gets you going?

I think what gets me really excited is the idea that I am changing the generation that's to come. When I think about my day-to-day job, I absolutely love it. I enjoy the upskilling. I enjoy learning about technology. I enjoy creating memories for people because really that's what I do in my day job, right? I create joy for millions of people all over the world in some way or form. When I think about the nonprofit side of it, it is the creating of the joy of these young hearts and minds to think and get excited about what they really don't even know is to come when they walk into our doors, because we really never have the same program every month. Every month is something different. Every leader is different. There's a spin on it from a topic that's different. So it's a different type of creating of joy. But what I see in my young ladies is the idea that they can really imagine greatness. They can see themselves in these women who are coming in, or the women who volunteer, the women who are supporting as, as leaders in the— in our organization. And they can see themselves. This is a safe space, which is really, really important. And their parents see the same thing. Their parents are advocates for these women growing to be, you know, wonderful citizens as they grow up. They're getting life skills. There's not a parent who says that we cannot do it alone. So I think as they come to the Yes Girls Create doors, seeing and feeling the energy that we create gets them excited about that. And it's really nice because in this world that we live in, it's so crazy. It is wonderful to be able to see that kids get excited about just good clean fun, right? It's just, it's just coming together. Sometimes it's conversation, sometimes it's activity, it's joy. We just had a huge conference at St. John's University here in New York. And we had, I think, probably just under 200 people and, you know, 60 girls, their parents, volunteers. And it was truly magical because it was something that these young children probably never experienced and probably even some of the older ones too. But it was just— it was a day filled with joy. And it really just created a wonderful opportunity for adult creatives to connect with their younger spirit and for these young women to also connect with their future selves.

Amazing. So what is it you think that's unique about yourself that you bring to the table that makes all this successful?

I think my best quality in terms of uniqueness, I like to call it my creative superpower, is the ability to imagine the impossible. I don't move into any day thinking that it cannot be done. I ask for guidance as I walk in and I wake up in the morning. And I try not to think of why it cannot happen. And I think that if when we move into this space of a positive attitude and we are excited about what the future holds— and granted, every day may not be, you know, sunshine— but if we keep a spirit of joy and happiness and, you know, say, you know what, it's going to work out, everything works out according to what it should be. And just to be able to be patient in that. I think a lot of us often don't have that. So if I can tap in someone else that's sitting next to me to be like, you know what, let's just think positive on this situation and let's try to think about things a little bit different, that makes it a really great space and creates good energy. So my superpower, my superpower is positivity.

Sounds like you are uncrushable.

Uh, well, I like to think so. Sometimes I get a little splattered, but Absolutely.

Well, um, this show is, uh, it's called Listening with Leaders. I don't know if you know anything about my background, but, um, I was a trial lawyer for 22 years and then went back to school mid-career. I noticed you went back to school kind of midlife too.

Yes.

And, uh, I earned my master's degree in peacemaking and conflict studies and became— left the practice of law, left a very successful trial career to become a peacemaker. And I learned in that process and in practicing as a peacemaker and mediating that we can de-escalate people if we learn how to listen them into existence. And I'm just curious about your journey with listening, both in your corporate work and also working with— in your nonprofit, working with these young women. How, how has listening been for you?

I can tell you that listening is a learned trait, right? Absolutely. It is not something that comes naturally to any human, right? And I can tell you that there's times I'm not really even good at it. I'm not even good at it because— but I am a problem solver. Some people are peacemakers. I'm a problem solver. So immediately I'm looking to come in and with the fire hose to put out the emergency. The ability to listen for me is very intentional. I literally have a journal that each day it says, what do you want to do today? I said, I want to practice listening because I want to be able to hear what is being said. I want to be able to hear what is not being said. I want to hear, particularly as it goes to the people that I coach and lead at work, my day job, and then my girls. I wanna listen to their heart. I wanna listen to my parents. I wanna be able to hear everything that is being said and unsaid, because I think with that skill, right, you are able to uncover and unearth so much in terms of conversation and connectivity. You get to trust your gut in a lot of spaces by listening and hearing what's you know, what's going on in the world around you, you know, it— and it's not— it's really not easy because I think ultimately a lot of us want to hear each other ourselves speak. That's the first thing. That's the first thing. But the other part of it is that you really have to be present to listen, you know. So it's learned, right?

How do you keep yourself from getting this— I think one of the biggest challenges that people have when they're listening— I mean, a couple of things you've already mentioned. One is we like to hear ourselves speak. Two, we go to problem solving much, much too quickly sometimes. Three, when we're listening, we engage in what I call Type 1 listening, where it's my agenda. I'm listening to get information from you. It's all about me. It's not about you, as opposed to Type 2 listening, which is the listening where my agenda is to make sure you feel deeply heard. How do you prevent yourself when you want to listen and you're really motivated from getting distracted and really you're really able to focus and make the other person feel heard. How do you do that?

I almost have to quiet what's around me. I literally have to shut out the noise in my own head in order to be able to listen intently. Now, my husband probably would say I'm not very good at it. So I practice with the children. So that—

what do the kids say?

Because he definitely will probably say, I don't know what she's talking about. But I, I will say that every day I get better and better at it. Some days I'm really successful with it, and other days I say I can work on that a little bit better. Um, but what I do is I give myself some grace in that place, and I do try to be really present. You know, I think particularly when there's a lot of activity going on around me, it becomes a little bit more challenging to do that. When we're in the spaces where we have our girls, and we're having an event or an experience, I, if they're speaking, I try to be present in a moment so that they know that they are heard, because it's, that's really important to me. A lot of times people will hear me speak, and they'll say, I need to let our girls know, my girls know that their voice matters, their words matter, their thoughts matter. And sometimes just out of habit or nature, we will cut the person off. And it's not so much because we don't want to hear what they have to say, it's because I'm moving into that problem-solving stage. So the opportunity presents itself for us to— sometimes I have to bite my cheeks so I cannot say anything. So it— yeah, yeah, that part, that part, right? Like, tap me in, Coach. Tap me in, Coach. But I think that the, the great part about it is being really keenly aware of where you can do better, each of us, when it comes to that listening side of it. Try to remove some of the distractions because, you know, the world is filled with the, the instant, you know, grams of distraction. And but, you know, what can we do? We just got to take it one moment at a time and figure out where we want our energy to, to vibe and flow so that the other individual or individuals can get the attention that they deserve.

Yeah, I teach it. I teach a technique that, uh, called affect labeling, where you ignore the words and only pay attention to the emotions. And you label, you label the emotions by just telling another person what they're feeling in the moment. And what, what science, what we've seen in neuroscience, another interesting study just came out today is that the brain reacts to that in a really positive way. So you can calm anybody who's angry, for example, in 90 seconds or less just by listening to their emotions rather than to their words.

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

I discovered this as out of necessity as a peacemaker and a mediator being called into high-stakes conflicts with lots of money involved and people very angry at each other. How could I get them calmed down? So they could fix their problem. I couldn't— I need to fix their problem, but if I can get them, then they can usually fix their own problems.

Yeah.

And, uh, it's turned out to be an extraordinarily powerful, powerful tool. In fact, back there is my fourth book. You can see in the back shelf there, De-Escalate: How to Calm an Angry Person in 90 Seconds or Less.

And most people are angry, you know. When we look at you, we look at the world around us, when we look at the interactions that we have, whether it's in public settings or work settings, wherever we go, there is a lot of emotion that's fueling our conversations and our interactions. And to be able— sometimes people say, you had me at hello, right? If someone could just say hello. I said, I'm going to do a TED Talk on that. If we take a moment to really lean into what someone is feeling, they often just want to be heard. Right?

That's all they want. That's the number one need of every human being is to just be heard. And I was watching on YouTube the other day. I was watching some interviews of some correspondent who was talking to some people attending a Trump rally or something. And when I listened to them very carefully, what they were really saying, even though the journalist was trying to bend them, what I heard was that they have the same— although I don't tolerate that kind of ideology myself, what they were saying was stuff that I totally agree with. They weren't that different.

Right.

And my feeling is that if we just took the time to listen to each other and ignore the politicians that are trying to poison us, yeah, that we would be as a country and a community in a much better place. Mm-hmm.

You know, love is rooted in most things, right? And it's either lack of or overflowing of it. And how do we meet in the middle to be able to balance the scale of the emotion that we need to, um, we need to exist? There's no one that can exist without love and without listening, but sometimes I think those emotions overflow and then we, we lose the connectivity to be able to connect with someone else.

That's right. And that's just because we haven't— to your point, we haven't been trained how to listen and how to regulate our own emotional reaction to people. And what's really cool is that when you, when you learn how to listen another person into existence, you don't become reactive. I call it the 4 C's. You can, you can talk to somebody calmly and you can be centered and compassionate and have utter confidence. And no matter what they say to you, you can't get rattled, which is really cool.

Yeah. It takes practice though. Yeah. That's, uh, really, we all don't have those skills just yet. Sometimes, you know, yeah, it's just under, it's really, it is practice.

It's like riding a bicycle, but it's mostly being taught. That listening is counterintuitive. It's not what we think it is.

Mm-hmm.

And learning what that's all about. I'm curious, do you do— when you work with your girls, uh, have you done any kind of socials? I saw, I saw you did a whole thing on etiquette. That was pretty cool.

Yes. And you would think they wouldn't have liked it, but they actually, they really did. So it was—

what did they— I, I was going to ask about other social skills like listening and other kind of basic life skills that they probably don't get in their, in their families of origin for a whole bunch of different reasons. But the etiquette class really caught my attention.

How did— what—

how did that— how did that go? That had to be really amazing.

It actually— it really was. And I think both young and older, there's certain things that you think you don't know. But again, Yes Girls Create is about preparing our girls for the unimaginable. And the idea is that you're going to take these skills, you'll learn how to— which fork to use, how to sip your soup, how to do— and I think that even if they never reenact those steps of the etiquette class again, they will never forget it. They're going to remember that I should take my time. How do I eat? Let me break in portions. Let me— with those, all those small things that generally not too many people are teaching at home, right? You know, we're not really doing that in this day and age. But to think that you have an opportunity to learn about these life skills in a space that's safe, that I can You know, I can make a mistake if I don't get the rice on the right way, you know, it's okay. But this is the place to practice, this is a place to grow and to learn. And really, it's the place that— guess what? We're on an even playing field. We— some of us were, as adult women, we were saying, oh, that's how you should do that, right? So I'm trying to be a teacher, but some things I don't know either. So it always— it goes to show also that we are all in a space that we get a chance to learn, right? We all get to learn. It's not that anyone is coming in with any more knowledge than the other.

I mean, to me, something like that, this is what, what a lot of people don't understand is, is learning etiquette, learning how to listen, learning social skills, learning how to negotiate, learning how to talk and speak. These are all life skills that, that we, we, we are assumed to have at 18 years of age. That no one has because they're not trained.

That's correct.

If you— it strikes me that if the girls go through the kind of program you're talking about, just that one little class, an afternoon of learning etiquette, what a confidence booster. Yeah, they can walk into any situation and you've seen it.

Yeah, you've experienced it. So now you can take your experience and experience and then bring it into these situations that, you know, there's going to be a dance There's going to be a dinner out with someone. There's going to be something that will say, hey, did you, you know, remember it? But every— but like anything, you have to practice to repeat it, right? You need to put it into motion, you know, and hopefully that if even if it's just one thing, they will know to break your bread before you eat it, you know, I don't care, whatever it is, you know, just do it.

The point that really struck me was the idea that you could take something that we all, you and I, take for granted, but there are many young families today that don't have a clue about this stuff. And, and teach that to young women to give them the confidence that they can succeed in social situations that they're not accustomed to being in.

Yes.

And that's really powerful.

Yeah, give them the tools so that they can be successful, one tool at a time, right? Not a whole toolbox, right? I want to give you one, and you're going to build your toolbox.

There you go.

And then over time, the goal is that you will be a— you'll be equipped with what you need, whether it's at 18 or 28, right? Because just because they're 18 doesn't mean that they're never going to come back to Girls Create. They're going to come back as mentors, they're going to come back as volunteers, they're going to come back to pour into the younger girls that are there. So it's that hopefully over time you're getting a tool at a time, right? Literally that. And then we now take this and we have a toolbox, and it doesn't have to be an old rusty one, it could be a real cute little bag one, you know. But we want to give them what they need to be successful today and beyond.

Incremental improvement over a period of time.

That's it. Yeah.

This keeps niggling in the back of my mind. Your butterflies, you got a couple of them now, 15 to 18. How are— how have you seen their growth over the period that they've been with the program?

Literally, I call it It's the transformation of a butterfly, but technically they're really not a butterfly. They are a flower literally just blooming and blooming and blooming. And if I, if I have just recently had shared something, um, on social media with the day one to today, and it's the same girls, they have the same faces but they've matured, they have the same smiles, they're just bigger, you know, they're standing tall, they know how speak, you know, when they're spoken to. They know how to ask for what they want. They know how to articulate their needs and their goals so that it can be heard. And it's only by that that they're able to now move into society and these other spaces and really get what they deserve and also what they ask for. You know, we have young ladies who says, I want to go to this school, I want to be, um, an aerospace engineer, I want to be a doctor. So we need to get these people to help pour into these young ladies. But guess what? If you didn't speak it, how would I know that? You know, maybe at 8 you don't know it, but at 12, 15, and 17, you are now gaining the— again, the tools you need to articulate your needs and wants in life and be able to stand on it. And guess what? Sometimes you may get it right and sometimes you may not, but the idea is that at least you know your voice was heard. And someone is listening.

Good for you. One more question, I'll let you go. A little late back there. What's one thing about yourself, Therese, that we would not know about unless you revealed it to us?

The one that I am always dreaming. I am always thinking of how can I make the world a better place? How can what I am dreaming get laid out into something that can create? Like, literally, people say, yeah, she likes to create, but literally, I, I dream of what can make the next thing better, right? It could be innovative, it could be a thought, it could be a word, a play. I'm— I am People know that I'm a people person and they know that I want to see everyone win, and I actively engage in those conversations. But in my deepest, deepest of souls, I feel that there's so many ideas that are waiting to like literally flower that I'm thinking, will I get to achieve them in this lifetime? In all honesty. And I think that most times I'm trying to work towards that. But the deepest fear is that maybe some of these wonderful ideas may go to a, a, a dark grave with me somewhere. So I try to get 'em all out. So most people don't know that about me, that I am actively dreaming. Even when I'm walking, I'm actively dreaming.

You're truly a creative.

Yeah.

Good for you. Well, thank you so much for your time today, Theresa. It's been wonderful talking with you and getting to know you.

I thank you, and I thank you for amplifying not just Yes Girls Create, but also for allowing me the platform to speak and to be heard.

Been my honor. Thank you.

Thank you.

Doug Noll here. Thank you so much for listening to Listening with Leaders. If you are a successful executive leader who would like to be on this program, please visit podcast.dougnoell.com/podcast. If you got something out of this interview, would you please share this episode on social media? Just do a quick screenshot with your phone and text it to a friend or post it on the socials. If you know someone that would be a great guest, tag them on the social media to let them know about the show and include the hashtag #ListeningWithLeaders. I love seeing your posts and guest suggestions. We are regularly putting out new episodes and content. To make sure you don't miss any episodes, go go ahead and subscribe. Your thumbs up ratings and reviews go a long way to help promote the show and mean a lot to me and my team. Want to know more? Go to my website, DougNoll.com, or follow me on LinkedIn, Facebook, and Instagram. That's @DouglasEnoll. Thanks for listening, and we'll see you on the next show.