282 - Empowering Young Families: A Journey of Resilience and Community Support with The Alex House Project's Samora Coles

Welcome to Listening with Leaders. I'm Doug Noll, lawyer turned peacemaker. I teach executive leaders how to listen to emotions rather than words so that they can become the leaders everyone wants to follow. And I teach those same leaders how to be authentically present, available, and connected to their families despite being insanely busy. I have learned that we are 98% emotional and only 2% rational. Learning how to listen to emotions is, in my experience, the foundational skill of life. Stick around to the end of the show and I'll reveal how you can be on our next guest in 15 to 20 minutes. So let's get started. Tamara Coles, you are the executive director of an organization in Brooklyn, New York called the Alex House Project. As we can all see looking at the screen behind you, the website is alexhouseproject.org. Welcome to Listening with Leaders.

Thank you. Thank you for having me.

First of all, I want to dive into your background. I know you've been working in social services and that sort of thing for most of your career. But first of all, tell us a little bit about the Alex House Project.

Sure. The Alex House Project was created in Heinz years before I, before it even existed. Uh, so. The plans for the Alex House Project came upon me when I was working in a community neighborhood organization and was designing a program for the community. And because of my own lived experience, I thought what other group of people to help serve was teen moms. I was a teen mom myself at age 17. And at the time, this was 1992. So things were a little bit different than they are now in terms of resources and services. So they were a little bit— we were more lacked back then, but they still are now. And so during that time, I had to finagle how to get back into school, how to find a job. Those systems of Medicaid and public assistance I knew nothing about. And so I thought that Reaching out to young moms in 2000, I wanna say 10, at that time, reaching out to young moms, things should have changed quite a bit. Unfortunately, they haven't changed that much. So there was still blockage from obtaining resources for young moms, especially young women of color, young parents of color. In certain communities, which was Red Hook was very, um, one of those isolated communities that a lot of resources didn't pour into. And so I started small groups, uh, working with teen moms in my neighborhood, uh, and then it just spilled over into other neighborhoods. And then I saw the need and I'm like, oh, wait a minute, there's something happening here. Um, it was very organic in a way, it grew itself and why not name it the Alex House Project after my son Alex? Uh, because it was all because of my personal experience, uh, being a mom at, at 17, which led me into creating this platform for young moms and dads.

And so what you're doing in this project is providing— it sounds like it's a lot of teaching and information, um, teaching you young teen moms how to access services, educating them, not just general education, getting the importance of getting an education, helping them understand how to manage work-life balance, how to become better parents, and hopefully stop the cycle of poverty and oppression that we've seen so many generations. Is that a fair summary?

That's very fair.

Okay, good. So tell us a little bit about yourself.

I, I've already told you I was a teen mom. I worked in social services, I want to say well over almost 20 years now. And so I have a, a good background in providing resources or doing research. I, I went to Medgar Evers College. I've done some studies at Barnard. I've done, uh, a lot of partnering with other organizations in my community. And beyond. And so I have a really good extensive knowledge on the human services, social service sector. And so I'm just one of those folks who are very committed to the intention of making sure that young families succeed and transition over into successful parenthood. And that all includes not only just education, but housing, and better parenting and stable employment.

Wow. So you've been doing this for a long time now. What is it that gets you up in the morning and gets you excited to go to work?

I think because I wish I had an Alex House Project when I was going through my trials and tribulations as a young mom. And because I actually know the process and I, and I know what, what happens when you don't have that support and when you don't have the community to, to to help you, um, uplift. I understand what it feels like to go up a muddy hill. I understand all those difficulties, and I also understand what can come out of that if you are persevering, if you are looking forward to the future. And so I think because of that gets me up to make sure that, okay, I got more work to do.

So you're dealing with a lot of young women who are— they're teenagers, they're not even legal adults yet. And they completely change the path of their lives because they become pregnant. How do you motivate them to want to continue to grow and evolve and become better than they are and better than the lives they've been living so far?

I, I think the secret sauce to our success is that our organization is peer motivated, and so our young families are trained and led by other young families who went through the program. So they're not looking at me now as a— I was going to say 40, but I am 50 now. I'm a Tua, older woman, but they're looking at their own peers. A 16-year-old could be looking towards an 18-year-old for support or vice versa. And because they are close met in not only their situation but their age range, they're able to receive certain things that they will not probably— most likely won't receive from older adults who think they may know it all. And so I think that is one of the secret sauces of our organization.

Yeah. And roughly, roughly how many families do you serve overall?

We've served over 600 families since 2013, but last year we— I I think we did like maybe 120 families.

And when you think about success, what does success look like to you with these young women that you're working and young families you're working with?

So success to me can look— look up, there's different categories, if I can expand a little bit.

Of course.

So some of the categories of success could be, um, job placement. For some of our moms, our young moms working at the Alex House Project, uh, this could be their first job. And when I say their first job, I don't mean their first retail or mechanical job, right? Their first hard work job where they can actually look at a career moving forward. And also this could be their first time opportunity for getting housing. So we help them move up the housing rank to make sure that they are eligible for long-term housing. Not only that, it's the children are the real beneficiaries the Alex House Project, right? Because the children are the ones who are going to actually move out the way and move forward into community. And so we always say it takes a village to raise a child. We know this for a fact. But the prerequisite really is you, in order to really successfully take care of children, you have to support the parents. And in our case, to young parents.

I saw that you— I looked at your website briefly and it looked like part of what you do is teach these young people how to be parents. How do you go about doing that?

We have, we have two curriculums that we use. We have an evidence-based curriculum called The Parenting Journey, and then we have our evidence-based influence curriculum called Healthy Mommy, Healthy Baby. These series of workshops help our young parents be educated in becoming better parents through other parents that came into the organization. And so that's where the first side of the peer-to-peer model comes into play, where these classes are facilitated by other young moms and other young dads who've actually gone through these series of workshops over the course of maybe 8 to 12 weeks. And then also because the environment that we create where it is a peer model, everything that we do is a teach one, each, each. One model, and because of that, our families, our young families, they run to our organization to get support, to find work, to jump into a class. And because there is a no judge— judgment— no judgment, I guess, platform for around them, they're more likely to go through all the classes, go through all the trainings. Become successful, uh, within at least 2 years.

Is it typical that a young family would be with you for 2 or 3 years before they stabilize enough to be able to go out on their own?

Yeah, and I, I think 2 years is a, is a good benchmark because your first year as a young person, you're really just getting to know us. You're really just seeing if we really— we're talking the talk or we're just, just saying what we want to say. And because a lot of our young families are under the age of 21, there's not a— they need to be able to become developed in other areas, right? By the time the second year starts to roll around, you start to see the change. And of course, we all know that change doesn't happen overnight. For us, 2 years, 18 months to 24 months is like a really good indicator of where we can start to see the change.

Where do the parents of these young parents come into play here?

Yeah, so we get, oftentimes we get calls from other social workers. A lot of our parents are from the foster care, aging out of foster care units, or they're still in foster care, or their children are in foster care. We do get a lot of calls, referrals from other agencies. That may not necessarily work with young parents, but because they have a client or two, they refer them to us. And then a lot of our participants are word of mouth because they see the success rate within them and they wanna share it on with their other peers.

What is it you think, Samora, about you? What's unique about you personally that makes this so successful?

I think for me is I am able to see, especially with this population, I'm able to see past the hurt and past the struggle. I'm able to see that young mom who's maybe 15 years old still struggling with the fact that she's a teenager first and then a mom and then da da da. So I'm able to see them pass all of the negativity that's oftentimes associated with teen parenting. I'm able to just press the start over button with them as they are with me, and I am very authentic with them. And so I think they pick up on that, and which is why sometimes a lot— oftentimes they call me all the time or text me, and I'm like, no, I can't talk right now, but Um, I always follow through. And so everyone always needs a person like that. It just so happens that I'm here for teen parents and young moms and young dads.

This show is called Listening with Leaders because in my perspective and experience as a peacemaker, listening is the foundational skill of life. Tell me about listening in, in the work that you do.

Yes, so for For me, listening is something that we embark on it on different levels, right? We embark on it as an opportunity to like, of course, gain information from our participants. But the main factor is what is it that they want? What is it that they think they need? And so we have to be intentional when we are talking to young people, right? Because not for nothing, but they are gonna be the ones who are gonna create this new world that we are so desperately trying to have. And so if we are not intentional with how we hear them, how we receive them, and how we deliver our services to them, then it all falls back on us. So we are very intentional when it comes down to listening to our folk that we serve. And because of that, because of that, We don't offer services as another center, right? So our offices that's actually being built now is a welcoming center. It's not a Medicaid office. It's not institutional looking. It's very open and welcoming, living room setup, play area setup. Our families to really want to be part of the community.

And how are the young people— how are the young people accepting all of this? Obviously, it sounds like they are grateful. Many.

Yes. I want to say that they accept this. They are very grateful for the Alex House Project. In fact, because not only do we provide the service, but we also provide, again, employment opportunities for our young parents. And because this is not an after-school Programs, families are working 20 to 25 hours a week for 2 years, either gaining their high school diploma, learning Microsoft Suites or those type of applications, learning how to do group work, how to facilitate. So they are learning all these different mechanisms so that way they are really fully vetted when it's time for them to get an employment that reaches their careers. Opportunities.

So are these young parents still in high school and going to school while they're working with you?

There's a mix. Some of them are still in high school. Some of them have not finished high school and are looking for the high school equivalency. And some, yeah, and some have finished high school and looking for that next level of education. We supply support to all of those categories.

But they're in high school, you're supporting them to get their high school diploma. If they dropped out, then you're going to help them get their GED. And if they want to go to community college or actually go to a 4-year college, you'll provide— you'll help guide them along that path.

Absolutely.

And what kind of jobs do the young people pick up once they get through your program?

Quite a lot of our jobs around the social service sector. So they become either case managers, case aides, social workers, and then we We also have opportunity for technology jobs, and we also are looking into culinary as an offset of employment opportunity. The reason why our social service sector is so high is because we want to be able to— who is the person that you're now looking to be, right? And so if you have to sitting in a Medicaid office, what type of worker would you want sitting in front of you? And so we are training those type of people to be that person that you always wanted, or you wish you had that certain type of a person of helping you in your time of need.

People who are knowledgeable and empathetic and can listen and understand and not just be a faceless bureaucrat.

Correct.

Wow. And how's that working out?

It's working very well. We've, we've gotten a lot of our parents into other organizations to do case management. And for some of them, they have 15 to 20 caseloads. And I'm like, what? Wow, that's impressive. And, and then in there, their pay has increased tremendously. And because of the work of the Alex House Project, because we're intentional about the work that we do, these young families, if you give us 2 years, we can get you on the path of success. And that's what we try to make sure happens.

Can you reflect on any really big success story that you think about that just makes you smile with joy?

Uh, well, our— yeah, I could actually do that. My program manager started off with me as a participant a little over 10 years ago, and she's gone through the ranks of being a participant. She has 2 children, a participant. To an aide to now a program manager. So she's been with me since inception and she's gone up the ranks. And so I'm looking forward to seeing what greatness she still has in her to be part of the Alex House Project because she doesn't want to leave, she said. So I have to make room for her.

Maybe, maybe, maybe she'll be your successor.

Perhaps.

So that, that is interesting. Where do you see yourself? You just turned 50, I think, or you said you're 50 years old. What do you How much longer are you gonna continue to do this work? And then what's after that?

The Alex House Project is my baby. And so I'm willing to do the work as long as I'm— as up until I'm needed. Being a founder though comes with some, some decisions that have to be made, right? And because you wanna make sure that the organization is sustainable and my time as a founder may be capped at a certain amount of years, but I'm here for the long haul until Someone says, okay, we got it for now. So until then, I'm here.

Okay. How are you funded?

So we get funded through various, uh, foundations, um, the Pinkerton Foundation, uh, Brooklyn.org, formerly known as Brooklyn Community Foundation, New Yorkers for Children. So we have, I would say, a list of funders, and then we have some dedicated individual donors, who believe in the work that we do. And so we're always looking for, of course, uh, new funders and new donors, uh, but we do have a, a good steady hand of people that support us.

And I imagine they are generous with their donations because they see the powerful work that you're doing with what— this, this particular population that, that if not taken care of can really fall through the cracks.

Yes.

I'm thinking that you're in Brooklyn, which obviously is part of the greater New York metropolitan area. There has to be a huge need for what you do. Are there other people that are providing services like what you're doing for the teen mothers?

There are other organizations that provide similar support, but I don't think— I, I think the Alex House Project is maybe one of the only organizations in New York City. We, although we are based in Brooklyn, we do serve the entire New York City. But I believe because of the way our organization is structured, where the parents, the young parents really are the voice and make the decisions of the organization and how it moves forward, I think we are very unique in that method. And also because we hire the parents So they don't get a stipend, uh, they get a paycheck and they file tax returns. And so I think we are very much different when it comes to that aspect.

Do you find you have more demand for your services than you can provide?

Absolutely. Especially when the COVID came, like, yeah, the little, the little tugboat that could out of nowhere, the bigger organizations, they were looking for us because they went they had to close their doors and we kept ours open. And it just went from maybe 40 to 50 to 60 moms to like 80, 90, 100, 150, 300. And so we were like, oh, okay, now let's get ready. And so, but the Alex House Project always pulls through because of the work that we do and because the people that provide the services are there. And they want to be there, it's a little bit different than, uh, your regular job. Most, most jobs you're like, oh my gosh, I can't wait to clock out. And with the Alex Houses, can we go in the office today? And I'm like, no.

That's pretty exciting though, if you can get a young person excited about serving others.

Yes.

And creating meaning in their life by serving others and showing them how to walk the road that they've already walked. That's gotta be very impactful for your people. And I would imagine that they mature in a really beautiful way because they've learned how to serve at an early age.

Yes.

Not only do they have to deal with their children, but now they're serving their peers and teaching people how to come along. And that, that is, it teaches leadership and it matures them quickly. I can see how that would set them up for success. One more question, Samora, and then I'll let you go. What's one thing about yourself that we would never know about unless you revealed it to us?

Hmm. Played a background in Law Order as a prison inmate.

Did you serve time?

Yeah.

Wow.

I really did. I really did.

So you wanna check out my, we'll talk about this when we end the show, but you wanna talk, you wanna check out my Prison of Peace project. We're in Connecticut now. We're all over the place, but we haven't made it into New York yet. But as I told you before, in 2010, my colleague Laurel Crawford and I walked into the largest, most violent women's prison in the world and began, began training 15 women out of, wow, all serving life sentences. Or long-term sentences, how to stop prison violence. And now we're all over the world. Sounds like your organization started out and now it's mind-boggling. Thank you so much, Samora. I really appreciate your time today.

Thank you. Thank you for having me. I appreciate it.

Doug Noll here. Thank you so much for listening to Listening with Leaders. If you are a successful executive leader who would like to be on this program, please visit podcast.dougnull.com/podcast. If you got something out of this interview, would you please share this episode on social media? Just do a quick screenshot with your phone and text it to a friend or post it on the socials. If you know someone that would be a great guest, tag them on the social media to let them know about the show and include the hashtag #ListeningWithLeaders. I love seeing your posts and guest suggestions. We are regularly putting out new episodes and content. To make sure you don't miss any episodes, go ahead and subscribe. Your thumbs up, ratings, and reviews go a long way to help promote the show and mean a lot to me and my team. Want to know more? Go to my website, DougNoll.com, or follow me on LinkedIn, Facebook, Facebook and Instagram. That's @DouglasEnoll. Thanks for listening, and we'll see you on the next show.