In this solo video, Dr. Jameca Cooper, a psychologist with two decades of clinical experience, introduces the first installment of her "30 Days of Radical Healing" series, focusing on shame. She defines shame as a feeling of embarrassment, humiliation, and sometimes guilt that stems from an intense concern about how others perceive us. Dr. Cooper explains how shame commonly appears in her clients’ lives, especially women, describing three primary behavioral manifestations: (1) emotional suppression, illustrated with the example of a sexual assault survivor who, burdened by shame, may stay silent and enter abusive relationships; (2) diminished self‑worth, where shame leads individuals to view themselves as less valuable or worthy; and (3) self‑sabotage, where people pre‑emptively ruin healthy relationships out of fear that their perceived flaws will eventually be discovered. She offers concrete signs to watch for—emotionally withdrawn behavior, self‑deprecating self‑talk, and relationship‑undermining actions—so viewers can recognize shame in themselves or others. Throughout, she encourages audience engagement, invites comments, and frames the discussion as part of a broader healing program aimed at ending the year positively and starting the new year in a healthier place.
Chapters
Hi, I'm Dr. Jameca Cooper. Thanks so much for tuning in today to watch this video and to join me on my channel. I hope you enjoy the content and have so far, therefore please like the video and subscribe to the channel. I'd also like to hear from you in comments about what more of, what type of issues or information you'd like to see on the channel. I would appreciate that. So today we are still in the midst of our 30-day Days of Radical Healing. This is our program that we started in 2022 to make sure people were ending the year right and starting off this new year in a much, much better place. Today we're focusing on shame and radical healing. So why did I think this was an important topic to discuss in a video? It's because You all know I'm a psychologist. I've said this over and over again. I've been a psychologist for 20 years, done a lot of things, seen a lot of things, but a bulk of who I see in therapy, my clients, especially women, deal with a lot of shame in their lives. And what I found that over the years is that the shame becomes this block that really keeps them from moving forward. So Let's talk about how shame shows up in people's lives. What are some behaviors that you could see that other people are engaging in that could let you know that what they're feeling and thinking, um, has to do with shame in their lives? So one way that shame shows up is that people begin to suppress their emotions. So first of all, let me go back a little bit and talk about what shame is. Shame is really this feeling of embarrassment or humiliation. Sometimes it can be partially guilt feelings, feeling embarrassed about something you've done, something you're not proud of. And lots of times the shame is rooted in being very, very focused on what other people think. So the shame comes because I did something bad and other people would see me as a bad person or would think I'm bad and judge me based on that thing or those things. So that's what shame is. So many times, one of the ways you see shame show up is that people suppress their emotions. So let's say a woman, and I've seen this many, many times in therapy, a woman that has been sexually assaulted or raped after having been at, at a club and having a few drinks, she could feel shame about that situation. And as a result of how badly and how much shame she carries around with her about that situation, she could get in a relationship with a person that is abusive, both physically and emotionally, and that person would then suppress their emotions. So they would be afraid of this person, want to say something, but they would suppress all of that because they feel so much shame at the things that they'd done in the past, which in this case, been a victim of sexual assault. So the shame really kind of carries over into other situations. So, and then it, again, it makes you suppress emotions. Another thing that shame does is it makes you question your self-worth. In other words, I go with the same example. Sometimes women who've been sexually assaulted, in their own eyes, now they see themselves as being less worthy, less worthy, less valuable, less everything. They feel like having been sexually assaulted means that they're not as valuable, not as good. So they feel like their quality has gone down, and they blame themselves many times for this. So shame shows up in that way. Of self-worth. Lots of times I see it a lot with my clients in therapy. Another way that you'll see shame show up in people's lives, and I think this one is a very, very interesting way, it would be self-sabotage. So you see people that, let's say they're in a relationship with someone and the relationship is going really, really well. Like the person likes this person, other person likes them, they're happy, everything's going well. You could see the person who carries the shame, they'll go in and try to sabotage the relationship. In other words, they might tell the person, oh, I know, I know you're going to break up with me anyway, so I'm I'm going to break up with you first. Or I know that somebody's going to tell you at some point that you shouldn't be with this person. Like, why are you with her? Why are you with him? And then you're going to break up with me. So I'm going to make sure I'm going to beat you to that. I'm just going to break up with you first. I'm going to start acting out so that I'll make you break up with me. This whole self-sabotage comes from this whole mindset that they have as though I did or experienced this thing that is so bad, so horrible that it makes me feel so bad about myself. I'm so embarrassed humiliated, that I know that one day you're gonna find that out and you're gonna end it anyway. So they just try to beat you to the punch by sabotaging the situations because in their mind it's too good to be true anyway. Once you find out what I've done or who I am, you're going to end it anyway. That is a direct result of shame. When people carry shame, they do those type of things. They sabotage good relationships, they sabotage good friendships, they do all of that. So these are things you can look for if you're looking for evidence of if a person is experiencing some shame in, um, their Relationships or just in general.
