Radical Healing during the Holidays

Hi, I'm Dr. Jameca Cooper, and we are doing our 30 Days of Radical Healing. And today we're going to talk about radical healing during the holidays. I think it's very important to focus on how people can make it through, survive, and make the best of, and even thrive during the holiday season. Lots of times people feel pressured to spend time with their family, their loved ones, and sometimes even their friends. Sometimes because it's the end of the year We've had a long year between— oh my gosh, everything— pandemic, work, all the different variants of the pandemic, and people are just tired. So it's really okay to use this time to focus on yourself. So what I want to do today is focus on some things that you can do to make it through the holidays and to feel better at the end of the holiday season. And today I'm going to give you 4 different things to do that. Make sure you like this video and subscribe to this channel. So first thing I want to focus on today is self-care. I talk about self-care in lots of my videos because I think it's very important. And when I think of women of color, especially the ones that I've met with and worked with in therapy, many times that's where we just don't take care of ourselves. We don't take the time to focus on caring for ourselves in a way that gives us balance and in a way that provides us with the energy and motivation to continue. So what happens is over time you don't focus on yourself, you focus on everyone else around you, and before you know it, you're at the bottom of the list. You haven't done anything to take care of yourself, and therefore now you cannot do the things you used to do, which is taking care of people, right? So try to end this year knowing that self-care needs to be a very important part of your life in 2022. So what are some things you can do? During the holidays to focus on self-care. Some of the things that I've talked about in my other videos are things we might easily think of, like sleep, getting enough sleep at night. I'm a person that I'm really big on getting 7 to 8 hours of sleep a night for me. Now I hear people saying that, you know, I only need 4 hours, 5 hours. I don't buy it. I don't really buy it because I think that in order for the brain to regenerate and in order for your muscles and your thoughts to relax, you have to have a certain amount of sleep every night. So I would recommend at least 6 hours of sleep a night for anyone. So getting adequate sleep every night is part of your self-care. Does that mean that you can also take naps during the day? Sure, go for it. If you have time to take naps, that's even better. Because what we know is that in the United States, we don't focus on taking care of ourselves during the day. If you think about countries like Mexico where they have a siesta, so an afternoon nap, we don't have things like that. We just believe in work, work, work, work, work. So sleep is very— important, and it's very important to your healing, especially as a woman of color. Other things that can be part of your self-care routine, physical activity, so fitness. It's important that you take the time at least 3 to 5 times a week to be engaged in some type of physical activity, whether you ride a bike, you run, you fitness walk, you just walk, aerobics, any of those things that can be healing to your body. Because if you work at a desk all day and you sit down, if you're doing virtual meetings all day, you're not moving enough. So it's very important to heal your body by moving. So 3 to 5 times a week, you need to make sure you're engaging in about 45 minutes of exercise a day. It's going to help you sleep better, and it's going to help you feel better. So fitness can be a part of your self-care ritual. But also, this is very important, your social activities. So making sure that you spend time with the people you love, however you choose to do it. It doesn't necessarily have to be in person. It can be virtually, it can be on the phone, it can be whatever you feel comfortable with, comfortable with. But you need to make sure that you focus on the people you love and things that make you happy, such as laughing with your friends. I know for me, it makes me very happy to spend time with my friends and catching up and just maybe focusing on what we did when we were younger, those type of things. They're healing, they're healing to your spirit. They make you feel good and they put you in a better place. So these are some of the standard self-care practices that you can engage in in order to feel better. But I also want to encourage you to think outside of the box as far as what is healing and what is caring for yourself. Maybe it's sitting down and having a good meal. Maybe it's going on a trip. Maybe travel is something that you really want to do and it's healing and restorative for you. Because at the end of the year right now, we have a couple of weeks left. Well, actually, we have a few days left at the end of the year. I want to make sure that you take the time to review what has been helpful in this year and what has not been helpful in this year. So what has not been helpful, of course, you want to make sure that you implement those things in 2022. Another very important part, second thing, very important part of radical healing during the holidays is establishing boundaries. So I said before that whether you spend time with your loved ones in person or virtually, it's totally up to you. But what I found with individuals is that they have a hard time setting boundaries with their friends and family. So for instance, if your family wants to see you in person this year but you don't feel comfortable as a result of the pandemic and people's risk and mask and vaccination status, then it may be necessary for you to sit this one out and to not be involved in in-person gatherings. And that will be establishing a boundary, you saying, you know, I understand you want me to come and spend time with you, but this year I just do not feel comfortable, so I'm going to sit this one out and stay home. But I'm open to connecting with you via Zoom, FaceTime, or whatever option you have. So that is one way of establishing a boundary. For other ways of establishing boundaries, it could be like you don't feel like having to deal with anyone during the holidays at all. You are not required to see anyone in person. You are not required to talk on the phone or interact with anyone virtually. This is all up to you. The holiday should be a time where you engage in something that's good for you. So if you choose not to engage with anyone this holiday season and just be off work and watch TV on the couch, that's what you should be doing. So establishing boundaries regarding what you're going to do and what people should expect of you. So another way to look at boundaries is imagine like— this is a good thing to think about because now with the pandemic most people have these Plexiglass shields in front of them if they have a desk. I know if I go to the nail shop, sometimes they have this Plexiglass. Imagine you being surrounded by Plexiglass all around you. It's like your Plexiglass cage that surrounds you. Well, this glass cage that surrounds you is, or are, your boundaries. This is what you teach people about how to get to you, how not to get to you, what to say to you, what not to say to you. But this is your own little box you created Yours could be high, your walls could be high, your plexiglass walls could be very low, which means people will step over those walls, people will smash those walls, people will ignore those walls if you have low walls. But if you have healthy boundaries that you have established, then those walls on the plexiglass are going to be high and people will not be able to, um, overcome those, climb it, run, jump over it. No, because they're high, they're clear. And they see them. So imagine that these are your boundaries. These are things you can work on every day, every week, every month about establishing better boundaries. So you have to teach people how to treat you, and you have to let them know that, hey, whatever Wanda says, if Wanda says she's not going, she's not going. And don't keep asking Wanda because she already said she's not going. That's a boundary. When people know that they can't keep pushing and pushing and pushing you and that you will not bend, over time, then that is a very clear boundary. It's also what I would consider to be a very healthy boundary. So second thing is establishing boundaries. Third thing is gratitude. What is really healing for women, uh, individual, anybody really, but women of color is it can be healing for you to focus on what you are grateful for, the things that are going well in your life. So this holiday season, everyone can ask themselves What am I grateful for this holiday season? And what is it that you are grateful for? You can drop those in the comments. I'm interested in hearing about those things. So maybe some of the things that you are grateful for is, um, your family, your immediate family, your extended family. Maybe what you're grateful for is having a roof over your head. Maybe it's having your family. Maybe it's having your health. I'm going to do a later video, make sure you tune in for that, about testimony, radical healing, and how Providing a testimony is healing and why. I'm going to talk about some details with that using an example from my own personal life. Make sure you stay tuned for that. So gratitude— what are you grateful for this holiday season? What have you been grateful for this whole year? What has gone well in your life? If you've gone the whole year and have not been sick, that is something that you should definitely be grateful for. If you haven't lost any loved ones, um, that's something you should be grateful for. So spend some time focusing and thinking about what things this year or this holiday season are you really grateful for and appreciative of in your life. Studies show that the more individuals can be gracious and appreciate the things they have, the more that they kind of spin that energy into being less stressed and less upset about the things that are not going on in their lives. The fourth thing that I want to focus on that's radical healing for the holidays is about meditation. So how do you meditate during the holidays? There are lots of different ways to meditate during the holidays, but one of the ways that I want to focus on is more of a manifestation meditation. So how you can begin to think about, imagine, and visualize some of the things that you seek in your life. So let's say, for instance, during the holiday season you are not surrounded by your family, but you seek to be surrounded by your family or other people that really love and care for you, you could begin to meditate and manifest that through your meditation. And there are lots of different ways to do that. One of the ways that I'll tell you about today is one that is very similar to what we use in psychology called guided visualization. It's the art or the practice of visualizing that which you want to accomplish or obtain in the world so that it becomes attracted to you, is a better way to say it. So that it becomes something that is something that the universe will bring into existence is probably the best way to say it. And there are lots of ways to do this guided visualization, but it involves being able to imagine here the type of things that you seek in your life. So whatever that is during the holiday— in the holiday you could seek, um, a partner, you could seek friends, you could seek wealth, you could seek health, lots of things. You could seek a new home. Um, but you have to be able to first imagine it here. Then the next thing you'd have to do would be to be able to really see it. What does it look like? What are the pictures of it that are here? And maybe pictures of it in real life that you've seen. Um, what does it smell like? If you think about, let's say, a new job, what would that place smell like? What does it sound like? You have to be able to attach a lot of adjectives and descriptors to it to be able to really bring it into your imagination. So when we do that, we are really training our brains to think about goals and things that we really want to put our energies into in ways that make it easier for us to then achieve those. And in my other video, I will be sure to talk about manifestations and meditations, so manifesting meditations. And I want to talk about that, um, regarding radical healing because I think it's very important and I don't feel like people understand the concept enough, um, but I want to make sure you get it. And I will connect it to some other resources that may be helpful to you later. So Um, today I've talked about 4 different things that you can focus on for radical healing during the holiday: self-care, establishing boundaries, gratitude, and then meditation. And remember to stay tuned for my part 2 video that will focus specifically on manifesting in meditations. Radical healing for the holidays. We are still in the midst of our 30 Days of Radical Healings. I appreciate you joining me Be sure to drop comments about what you're grateful for. I'm Dr. Jameca Cooper Cooper, and join us for other videos.