Connecting with Self and Spirituality with Shelley Riutta | How Humans Heal Podcast

Hi and welcome. I'm Dr. Donni Wilson, and I'm excited to introduce you to Shelly Riota today. She is a psychotherapist who has taken what she does in her practice beyond to help people and audiences all around the world, including helping other therapists and business owners to implement her approach. So thank you so much for joining me today, Shelly.

So happy to be here.

Wow. So I think, yes, it's such an important time for people to be able to have support. Of course, we have so much stress going on around us in the world and this internal environment inside of us, the psycho emotional, spiritual environment, needs help. And I think that's maybe something we're not all used to needing and not knowing where to get it. So tell us a little more, like what you do and how you got to doing what you do.

Well, I am trained as a traditionally trained psychotherapist, but.

Prior to that, I've always been interested in that mind, body, connection. And even as a child, I was always reflecting on why are we here? And the deeper questions in life. Always as passionate about holistic healing, you know. And so when I went to school to be a traditional psychotherapist, so I was going through that training, but then on the side, I was doing my own exploration, you know, about different tools and techniques and really studying transformation. So when I got done with graduate school, I worked in more traditional psychotherapy settings, you know, as a psychotherapist. And then I ended up working at a Native American tribe as a psychotherapist. And when I first got there, I was like, oh, my gosh, this is where I belong. Because they were talking all of the mind, body, spirit, ideas and concepts was, is culturally, you know, what they believe. And so we would staff cases according to the medicine wheel. And it was really, really powerful. But what ended up happening, and this is we can kind of just take a look at this at the collective level too. But anyway, we had this beautiful way of working with clients. And then one day someone decided on the org chart of.

The community, it said they wanted to take the behavioral health clinic and put it under the medical clinic. And it was almost like virtually overnight, the mindset around how you heal, you know, with mental health went to the medical model. And so if you're having anxiety or depression, it was more like, so. And then we hired more psychiatrists. And so it was really powerful to see kind of like the way that we had been working with clients. And then when that organizational structure shifted, it was like the mindset shifted and all of These beautiful tools and frameworks for understanding the transformation that people were going through. Kind of got lost to take these pills and, you know, not looking at all the different dimensions. So me going through that experience and just seeing the results on clients and, you know, was really powerful to see, you know, that. That loss. So it really kind of fueled my fire for holistic. So I ended up starting my own private practice doing holistic psychotherapy so I could be free to really take everything that I believed, everything that I saw, really created powerful transformation, and started my own private practice in lovely Green Bay, Wisconsin, and was able to build a successful, thriving business because people wanted a different way, they wanted a different path. And then 11 years ago, I had the awareness. I was like, oh, my gosh, I am having such an amazing experience working with my clients, clients that had gone from therapist to therapist, clients that had been on medication for years.

You know, helping them transform and shift. And I was like, I could share this with more people. Plus, there was all these things that I had learned. My undergraduate degree, surprisingly, is in marketing. And so I'm like, I could actually teach other holistic professionals, really, how to market and grow their business as well as these amazing tools and techniques from this holistic framework that they can integrate into their business as well. So that's how things unfolded. So that's what we've been doing for the last 11 years.

And I feel so grateful to have completed the certification because you created a certification program where practitioners and other professionals can learn your techniques, the things that you found successful, like you said, with helping people. I love that word transform, because it feels like.

So much of the time, people feel stuck in, say, anxiety and stress and depression and in their lives, really.

Right.

We can feel. We can get feeling stuck with our life and our health experience. And the word transformation, you know, means, wow, something could actually change. And that right away just gives hope, right? Like, hope that something different is possible.

Right? Yeah. So that process of transformation is really symbolized, you know, by that butterfly, you know, and actually, that is the. Our logo is a butterfly.

So. But I think when we look at the collective, what's going on right now, there's a massive transformation. You know, people are being called to shift and transform really rapidly and very at times, uncomfortably, you know, with everything that's going on. And so. And that's why you and I talked a little bit beforehand about, you know, some resources and ways that people can kind of access things internally and spiritually that can help to provide some. Some guidance and comfort and security. When externally, things are so unstable, changing rapidly and. And just can be very triggering for people. So I love that.

And in fact, I was going to say, like, how does a person know when maybe a transformation is what would help them? Like, I'm thinking maybe it is like, feeling overwhelmed or notice. Feeling like there's a lot of change happening or. Yeah, tell me.

Yeah, no, that's so great. Because it is. That catalyst oftentimes that people have for transformation is things get really uncomfortable and painful internally, externally. It's kind of like.

Pressure gets put on people. And people have different thresholds for when the light bulb will go off and say, I have to change, I have to transform. Like, something needs to shift here. For some people, they feel a little bit of discomfort, and they're like, I need help. And some people, their threshold, they need to feel a lot of discomfort before they are like, I need to change. I can't continue the same way I've been doing things, because it's not. It's, you know, I'm in a state of pain rather than a state of joy and freedom.

And that could be emotional pain or physical pain or. Right. Where you're just like, every day feels like I'm walking through mud, or I'm like, I just don't want to do it anymore. And you start to realize, like. Like, you start to look at maybe I need to shift where I live or my relationship or my job, right? Like, these kind of. Sometimes this change that. That's sort of needed to shift. It is. Is a. Is a. Or even just a shift from internally, right?

Yes, yes. And people. Oftentimes people. And this is why the pandemic has been so.

Intense for people, is that taking away distractions, you know, like, I'm going out of my house, I'm going to different events, and I'm seeing different people. And all of a sudden you're like, okay, I'm in my house and I have to look within. And so for many people, that was uncomfortable or they didn't know how to navigate that. How do I go within or how do I. What happens when all the distractions are taken away? And so that's why we've seen, you know, people struggling a lot because of that, not knowing how to navigate it. And it's been then that catalyst for that transformation. So for people to, you know, so people. People are reaching out for help in greater numbers than they ever have. Reaching out to therapists, coaches, healers, you know, because they're like, wow, I'm really feeling it. Rather than before, they could distract themselves from some of those uncomfortable feelings.

And I know that you teach a lot with breath work and guided imagery. And it makes me, as you're speaking now, those come to mind because those can be in the moment when we're really uncomfortable and we're like just going, okay, I'm reacting, and I haven't quite figured out what I'm going to do about it. But those tools that you teach are so helpful. Maybe tell us a little bit more about that. How come breath work and guided imagery is so helpful?

Yeah, with breathwork, the idea behind it is our natural breath is in the belly, and when we're in fight or flight, it's higher up in the chest.

When we are in those fight or flight moments or moments of stress, it can be helpful to slow the breathing down and then have it. You know, those deep belly breaths can help shift into more of that.

Physiological. You know, let your body is just calm and relaxed. The other thing and you're familiar with this is the. We talk about the conditioned self and the authentic self. And when we're in the conditioned self, we are in the fight or flight, there's some form of fear. So our breath is normally shallow, more shallow. And when we shift into the authentic self, which is more in alignment with who we really are, we go into that. You know, the deeper belly breaths go more into that calm. You're relaxed, you're really in a state of alignment with who you are. And this is where people feel peaceful. They can be feel bliss and joy, you know, gratitude. And moment by moment, we're either in one or the other. We're either in that conditioned self or in that authentic self. And so being able to notice that without judgment, you know, that's one of the first exercises we have people do, is track every 15 minutes, are you in a state of fear or in a state of faith and trust? You know, because that's. If you distill the conditioned self and authentic self down to its core level, it is. The core of the conditioned self is fear. The core of the authentic self is that faith and trust.

So, and it's this being able to notice conditioned self versus authentic self from what I've learned from you as well, and what I observe is that that then gives us the space to sort of like step back from all of the chaos and be like, okay, where am I in this and where do I want to go from? Kind of helps us with that transformation and guide us, because otherwise we. We lose sight. Like, if we're in that conditioned self, and we're constantly in the fear and the stress and reactive state. We lose track of ourselves. Right? We really lose ourselves in our experience. But when we can come to that authentic self, now you're more grounded and centered like you talked about, and you're able to then choose in a whole different way.

Yes, absolutely. Absolutely. It's a more resourceful place, and you want to be in your authentic self when you're making important decisions rather than those decisions. In the condition, self will be based on fear, and they'll be based on reaction.

And so I guessing that some people listening might even just be thinking, like, it's actually possible to choose this. Like, at first it feels like we have no control over these things.

Right? So, yeah, absolutely. The first stage is really awareness. You know, like, what are you in that condition self in that authentic self. That's that first step. Because a lot of times people don't have awareness that they're popping back and forth from one to the other. And so that first stage is noticing without judgment. You know, what is the percentage of time throughout the day that you're in one versus the other? And then the other thing you can start to pay attention to is, what are those triggers? What are those things that tend to trigger you into the conditioned self? Is it a thought? Is it a situation? Is it a person that tends to trigger you? Because once you notice that, then you can do that healing work. And maybe there's something that needs to be healed because it's getting triggered. There's some deeper healing needs to happen with those trigger points.

One thing that I know you teach and part of your method is to be able to look at what created the conditioned self. Some of our stresses from childhood and messages we got maybe from childhood or from society that created more of that conditioned state.

Again, I think it's common to dismiss what happened in our childhood that was in the past. I can't do anything about it. Sometimes people go to therapy and then they start to think about what happened in their childhood or in their past. But to me, your method really is different in that it helps people really be able to shift what happened in their childhood. Tell us more about that. So people really understand the power of. And then it doesn't have to be, you know, sort of like reliving the trauma of.

Right. That the oftentimes what happens with trauma is that it can get locked into our bodies, locked into our minds. And if we go back and go into those situations and do the healing work, around it and see what the beliefs are. You know, a lot of times people have a belief pattern that arises out of a traumatic situation, like maybe I'm bad or there's something wrong with me, or the world isn't safe. I mean, that's a big one for people, right? If they've been traumatized, a lot of times it disrupts their feeling of safety in the world. But if we talk about realigning with, and this is another dimension of what we teach and talk about, and that is not only reconnecting with your authentic self, which is your divine spark and spirit, but it's also connecting to the, to your spiritual connection, whatever that is. You know, each person's on such a unique spiritual path, but we do have spiritual presences that are with us, part of our spirit team. And, and that's a resource. So when I started working with clients, you know, the way I would say it in, in the session is, you know, we're going to explore, you know, what your spiritual biography is, you know, what their path of spirituality has been as a way to explore. Is there a way that they can tap into some kind of spiritual practices or support or those spiritual presences as a resource state, as a place where they could feel supported.

And, and I would say I'm not attached to what that looks like, right, because everyone's spirituality and spiritual path is so different. But to help people reconnect, you know, because sometimes people disconnected from a sense of spirituality, to help them reconnect again or connect for the first time is so powerful, you know, and the foundation of that is we are spiritual beings having a human experience. So it's like this is our basic nature, right?

Something a lot of people don't know is that too much stress can actually create an abundance of health problems like high blood pressure, high blood sugar, anxiety, migraines, insomnia, even fertility issues. This is because high stress puts your adrenal glands on overload. They release cortisol and adrenaline, which controls your digestion, hormones, immune system, energy, focus and even your emotional response. So how can you beat stress when you don't know where to start? That's why we have a free 7 day stress reset program. It's designed to help support weight loss, digestive healing and hormone balancing. It includes support for integrating self care. Daily tips come to you by email and video. Gluten free dairy free meal plans as well as grocery shopping lists, journal pages and more. This free program will help you beat stress and put you on the path to wholeness in your Body. Get your plan now for free@drdonnie.com.

We need that queen. We almost need that kind of, like, reality check sometimes, because, again, we are. We're so busy trying to get through our to do list and, you know, whatever. Whatever is triggering us that we. We kind of can lose track. Oh, my gosh. I'm. I'm, you know, who is the me that's living in this human body, having this human experience.

And. And I think, you know, what you're saying is so true that we sometimes we've kind of lost the space to be able to talk about spirituality, you know, because it's so often we're trying to separate it from, you know, from our other experiences. And when we separated, then we end up losing the chance to talk about it and to experience it and to. And. And I love how you're saying, like, you know, to be. It's not about judging a certain version of spirituality. It's about supporting people to discover their own.

Yes, yes, absolutely. That reconnection can be so powerful and also help people feel a sense of comfort and support, a feeling of, I'm not alone anymore. Because with what's going on, people can feel isolated and alone, and people feeling like people don't understand them because part of what we've lost collectively oftentimes is a sense of community. And obviously the pandemic has kind of heightened that when we literally can't be together at certain times. So people being able to have that connection internally and cultivate and develop, that can help them kind of comfort any sense of loneliness or disconnection.

Oh, that's. Yeah, that's huge. I think that's really huge. Like, if someone was just listening and they're like, you know, what is my spirituality? How do I even, you know, go there? What would you. What would you say?

Yeah. So one of the things I always tell. Tell our clients, like, your spiritual connection is always communicating with you, and it communicates to you through your. The thoughts in your head, which is always fascinating to think of. You know, we always think the thoughts in our heads are being generated by us, but when we really calm our mind down, go into meditation, or maybe when we're waking up in the morning, or we're still and peaceful, and all of a sudden we get this thought. And oftentimes it is your spiritual connection giving you a nudge, like, do a little bit of this or remember to call this person. I mean, it can be as mundane as that. Right. But we are being guided with thoughts that are coming into our head that are actually from our spiritual connection, which I think is amazing. Like, I remember when I first had that awareness, I'm like, oh my goodness. You know, because we think our mind is our own, right?

But like, for me personally, like my spiritual connection will give me like little nudges like check this or check that or you know, go to that store and not this store. And sometimes I'll just, just for experimenting, I'll just like go to the store that they told me not to or whatever and see what. Sure enough, there's like something going on. You know, it's fascinating. You know, we're, we're being supported on these very subtle levels and maybe not so subtle levels with our day to day life.

And it's sometimes people refer to it as like on an energetic level. You know, we have different terminology and words around this.

Right.

Different ways that people talk about, you know, spiritual realm or energetic realm, or sometimes people think of it as intuition. But I also love how you really help people to connect with even maybe people who were in their lives that maybe have passed away.

Totally. Yes. So part of that process of when you reconnect spiritually and start to practice that connection with your spiritual connection, oftentimes what starts to come through is a loved one, a family member that has, has moved on. And it's such a powerful and healing thing to be able to support people to do that because they can maintain that connection with their loved ones even though they're not in physical form anymore. Like my sister and her husband have a lot of communication with my dad and they will make major decisions in their life based on their communication with my dad, which I think is amazing. And she actually worked for our organization for a few years and that's where she kind of learned those skills to do it. But it's very comforting for her, you know, because they trust, you know, that guidance that's coming through. And so they, so I just encourage everyone listening to just know that your loved ones are still around you, loving you, supporting you, helping you out in your life. I know when my dad had passed away because I knew he was actually going to pass away because of being able to connect. I knew he was going to pass away. Before he did, he was going down to Houston for a surgery and I got the message that he was going to transition. And when I, when I was in commute, I said, why is this happening? And they said, he will be able to help all of you more on the other side, you know. And what was fascinating about that is My stepmother, after my dad had passed, she started getting messages from my dad. And she's like, she came up to me, she didn't know that I got that same message before he died. And she came after he died. She just said, oh, I got a message from your dad that he is going to be able to help us more from the other side. And I was like, that's amazing. I got that same message, so.

Wow. And sometimes then just being open to the possibility of. Of getting these, you know, these insights or these messages, and then, you know, trusting it, being willing to get this is. This is. You know, because sometimes I think we might have these things happen, and then we. We might dismiss it, or we might be like. Or we might just miss it because we're too busy.

Yes.

Yeah. Those messages. I totally agree. I think so many messages are coming through to people that they just. They. They're not even getting them, and they. It could make their life so much easier.

And I think, like, you know, ways that you. You. If a person's listening might want to start. Start to kind of be listening more would be mean. Prayer would be classic. Right. But also can happen with meditation, which you and I have talked about, how much we both enjoy meditation. And it blows my mind, really, to think that meditation can be such a tool for.

Coming in contact with that spiritual realm and the spiritual guides. Right. To just be like, you know, that that's what can happen in that space and time. And if we don't. If we don't have that kind of, like, space and time in our lives and we're not. We're not gonna have that opportunity as much.

Right? Absolutely. Yes. Yeah. Meditation, I think, is vital, you know, and people having that quiet time. But again, it can be hard for people to be still.

And because a lot of times what first surfaces when you start to meditate is the chatter of the conditioned self, you know, and the distraction thinking, you know, from this to this, and worrying, you know, the mind not how, you know, not being able to get quieted down.

So it means lots of ways to try to distract us, doesn't it?

Yes.

Right, right. But having those, you know, such a gift to yourself to devote that time, you know, what is that quote? It's like, was it the Dalai Lama? Someone. They're like, if you're busy, you need to meditate for. Instead of one hour or two hours.

Like, the busier you are, the more you actually need to do it. So, yeah.

Yeah, that's. That's amazing. Right? And to, you know, and that it's not something we are perfect at from the beginning.

Right? Totally.

Absolutely. It is a practice. You know, sometimes they'll call it a meditation practice for good reason because you are practicing, you know, staying focused and not getting the mind distracted and all of that.

And of course, this can be helpful for just navigating life, but also can be helpful in when maybe a practitioner who's helping other people or, or really anyone who's running a business. Tell us more how you see this, you know, going from, you know, sort of like a single person to, you know, being able to, to help with expanding and reaching more people.

Yeah, so I think it is, you know, the way that we work with our clients because we work with, yeah. The practitioners who are wanting to grow their business and their impact and really serve their ideal clients. And so, you know, as they're.

In the holistic business school, you are going through certification as you are going through the trainings and the coaching to really grow and scale your business. And because really what we teach is you need to really build your business from the inside out, you know, and that it starts with this deeper connection and alignment inside, and that's with anyone, you know, anyone who, whatever career you have, you know, you're going to thrive more in your career the more connected and aligned you are with your authentic self versus doing your job from your conditioned self. So this is what we, why we teach, why it's so important to be in that alignment and connected space.

I mean, I think that's such an important point because sometimes people like, say a person might start working on themselves, right? Like practicing noticing conditioned self versus authentic self. And maybe they're practicing meditation and maybe they're making some other changes in their life, in their day to day, but then they start to kind of be afraid. What does that look like if it, if it goes into sort of like my family members or how I run my business? You know, sometimes people can feel like, you know, how can I, how can I trans, you know, transform. There's that word, transform again, you know, into other aspects of my life. And so you're already saying from the beginning, hey, this is, this is what, this, you know, the more you transform yourself, it's. It's automatically going to become part of everything else you do. But tell us more about that, like how to help people just ease into it and ease that anxiety about the changes that could happen.

You mean as they're going through the transformation?

Yeah, yeah, right. Sometimes like it's so anxiety and the condition itself find so many opportunities to jump in. Right. So as soon as we're like going, okay, I'm gonna, I'm gonna work on myself. But what does that look like when then I walk into my home or my family or my work.

Oh, right, yeah. So. So having those intentions of transforming, working on yourself and then how are you navigating the day to day stressors? And I always teach my clients to really.

It's kind of like you're. And I've never really fully studied martial arts or anything like that, but anything that you do that you want to really get good at, you want to put yourself into really intense situations. And so sometimes my clients who would be in such challenge, and I'm like, this is exciting. You get to practice these skills, the skills of breathing into your belly, going into faith and trust versus getting activated into fear, looking at what that false belief or fear, what's the old program that you're running? And then using those trigger situations as opportunities and setting the intention that I want to go into the most stressful situation and be able to be in a connected place, calm, peaceful, no matter what's going on around me. And knowing that you have that within your control. I remember one of my clients years ago, she used this phrase and I'm like, this is so, so perfect. She's like, I want to be the thermostat and not the thermometer when I walk into a room.

Yeah. So really cultivating. Well, first it's the belief that you can do it. Right. Because a lot of people think, well, I can't. If this was going on, you would be reacting the same way. But the reality is, no, you don't have to react that way that you've always reacted.

There's a new response that you can practice, you know, and treat it as an opportunity. Like, oh, I wonder, you know, one of the experiments I did for myself as I was traveling and I was going through the Boston airport and there was all these flight cancellations and so I was going through maintaining my state of joy. Like I would always challenge myself to stay, stay in a state of joy, like at a 9, 10 level, no matter what was going on. And I remember going through this airport like, I'm going to just be a beacon of joy no matter what happens. And then I got picked to go in the extra security line and people were even more grumpy because one, all the flights are getting canceled now they have to go through this extra security line. And I said to myself, I'm going to maintain my state at a 9 or 10, even though I'm going through this line. So I started joking around with the guy ahead of me and literally within five or 10 minutes, everyone in that line was laughing and having fun and having a good time. And the reason for that is people.

Don'T have a lot. They can be easily influenced. And so if you're consciously in a positive state, you can affect an entire room by maintaining that high frequency. It's like those tuning forks, you know.

And then. And treat it as a game like, I'm going to practice that. I'm going to go to my family event where normally people might have a fight or something like that, and I'm going to be in a state of joy no matter what happens, or I'm going to go to the store. You know, you can just have these different situations and then just practice and practice and practice and. And then that becomes very empowering.

And it's not. I mean, I think sometimes people might think, well, am I just, you know, being fake? Am I just. But what you're talking about is not just being fake. This is actually choosing to know how to be in your authentic joy state.

Totally. This is actually. Yeah. Being more in alignment with who you really are. Which, you know, the core of who we are is in a state of joy. You know, it reminds me of when we travel on an airplane. You know, how you have to go through the clouds, but it's always sunny when you go through past the clouds. That's really how we are. We're always in that state of joy. Love. That's the core of who we are. And then what gets layered on top of it is these conditioned self programs and beliefs and feelings and triggers and all of it. And you are navigating that. And the goal is to get back to that original state, you know, as often as you can.

I love it. And at the same time, like, you know, learning how to navigate me, knowing that some, sometimes some interactions are going to be with. With people who are not necessarily in their authentic state. So also. Right, like learning how to do that.

Exactly. And having compassion for people that are in their conditioned self. It's easy to go into judgment, especially when you start to learn that framework. You're like, oh, that person's in their conditioned self. And rather than move into compassion like that's. That person is struggling. They're not in their best state of mind. And they're oftentimes just reacting out of old programs. They're in that fight or flight, you know, in that survival energy. And it's hard for them to be kind to be around because of that activation inside of them.

Yeah. Yeah, that's. I mean, that's so. I think that's so helpful. And I want to make sure when I share this, I'll share in the episode notes where anyone listening can find out more from Shelly from the Holistic Business School and the Global association for Holistic Psychotherapy. Is the. Is the other organization or tell us, tell us where. Where they should be looking to find you.

Yeah, the website is the holisticbusinessschool.com so that's the best place. Yeah, we have. Yeah, that's the best place to find us. We do have the Global association of Holistic Professionals. That is something we have as a free Facebook group that we're.

That people can be a part of. If you're a practitioner and you want support in growing your business, that can be a great place to come and network.

Amazing. Thank you so much. And, you know, I can't wait for you to, you know, to even share more of this because it's been so helpful for me. And already I integrate this into the work I do with my patients and in my programs because I see how beneficial and how transformative it's been for me and for my clients or patients, and it just makes me so excited to be able to share it with more people. So thank you so much for joining me.

Thank you for inviting me. It was such a great conversation. And I really just want to say to everybody, you know, just, you have this beautiful, authentic self inside of you. You have this amazing spiritual team surrounding you and just opening up to that beautiful energy. Allow yourself to feel it, take it in, receive it would be the best gift you can give, Give yourself.

Thank you so much. I love that. All right, thank you, Shelly.

Oh, thank you, Dr. Donnie.

Thanks for listening to how humans do heal. If you liked this episode, leave a rating and a review. And for more resources, visit drdani.com.