Intimacy, Arousal, and Desire: What Prevents Women from Enjoying Sex (and How to Fix It)

Hi and welcome to how humans heal. I'm Dr. Donnie Wilson, and today I'm excited to introduce you all to Susan Bratton. She is the intimacy expert to millions. And she's joining us today to really dive into this topic of intimacy and arousal and sexual desire and helping us to really understand that and how to make that possible in your life if that's something that has been difficult for you in your health experience and your life experience. So thank you so much for being here with me today, Susan.

Dr. Donna, you and I are just two peas in a pod, aren't we? I mean, I'm so happy to be here on your show. And a few weeks ago, you and I recorded hpvfix.com which we're working on to help more women understand your protocol for reversing hpv. And I'm really happy about that because I do. As an intimacy expert to millions, I really spend a lot of time in three key areas. The first area is sex advice, intimacy tips, orgasm skills, pleasuring skills, techniques. The second is bedroom communication skills, because until you understand what you want and can ask for it, you can't really get the kind of sex that is right for you. And then the third leg of the stool of my work is sexual wellness. And that includes safe sex, what you do when you get STIs, and also reversing the atrophy and problems that come from aging genitals. And I want to talk today a lot about what happens to our bodies that's very natural and what we can do to reverse the aging and atrophy of our genital system. And I like to always give people luxury mid range and let's just say the cheapest, the mid range and the luxury ways of rejuvenating your not just vagina, because that's the internal part of our genital system, but the external part of our genital system. Because at 61, as a sexpert, I'm having fantastic sex, the best sex of my life. And I'm having the best sex of my life, number one, because it's a conscious practice. I enjoy my sexuality. I get a lot of not just pleasure and connection out of it, but it fuels my creativity, which I really like. And I want all women to feel like they can have that. And women get. They come up against a wall, Ow. Sex hurts or what have you. Oh, I don't have any lubrication or I haven't had sex in so long, my vagina feels like it fused together, you know, that kind of thing. And So I really want women to feel like, oh, my God, my genitals are so beautiful and responsive and orgasmic and appealing, and they taste good, they smell good, they look good, they provide so much pleasure. I'm so comfortable with my genitals. I feel happy when my partner enjoys them and plays with them and goes down on me and makes love to me. And I really want all women to have the, I guess, the grace and pleasure that I do. And it's a learned skill because I didn't always feel this way. As a matter of fact, I'm sexually a very late bloomer. It wasn't till my 40s that I really made a fierce commitment to figuring out what it was going to take for me to have the good sex I thought other people were having that I wasn't.

You've. You're. I can't wait to dive into all of this with you. And I think too, just pointing out that first of all, this, all of these topics, a lot of times people don't feel comfortable talking about it or asking questions, even asking their practitioner. Sometimes, sometimes women are a little more likely to ask me because I'm helping them with various different. Whether it's HPV or symptoms related to vaginal and pelvic health. But it's. I want to acknowledge that for a lot of women, this conversation is like, is it really okay to talk about this? And so I just want to say, like, Susan and I are here to say, yes, it's okay to talk about this. It's important to talk about because really, ultimately, this is part of your human body and your human experience. Experience is the way I think of it. Like, and it. And sometimes, as you mentioned, we kind of like cross it off our list and give up as if we can never go back there. And I love that you're really inspiring women to say, hey, you don't have to give up on this.

You.

It's just a matter of learning and practicing and getting the tools and techniques so that you have the resources you need in order to, to be able to access. I love the words you just use. Like, you just completely change the language to say, hey, this is. This is the language you could be using related to your body and your intimacy life and your sexuality in general. And to be. To learn that we can find that, you know. So I'm hoping to give a lot of hope to women who may have been going and even with sexual abuse history, because I know this is something that you also experienced and have worked with. I mean, what Are you, What are your thoughts on that? If someone's coming from that background of maybe trauma or abuse related to genitalia or sexual activity, the very first thing.

I'd say is that almost all of us have been traumatized. We're traumatized by our culture. We're traumatized by our religions. We're traumatized by shame. We're traumatized by poor lack of knowledge. We're traumatized by our own frustrations of the vision we have and not needing it. We're traumatized by how horny our partners are and how we're not. We're traumatized by the fact that we've mostly been having patriarchal sex instead of what I like to call matriarchal sex. And I'd like to describe what that is, because I think once I describe what matriarchal sex is, women are like, oh, God, no wonder I haven't had good sex. I've been having sex the way men want to, and men, honestly, they just don't know any better. I don't play the blame game. I mean, I think that men generally will give up their pleasure for our pleasure. They just don't live in our bodies. And we are so different than men that they're just treating us the way they want to be treated. You know, they're grabbing our crotch and they're grabbing our boobs because they want us to grab their penis right away. Because they're full of testosterone. They wake up horny, they have good morning wood. If they're healthy, they get nighttime erections. They masturbate almost daily because they're biologically wired to top up their sperm, to keep it fresh because they're supposed to regenerate the species. That's what we're here for. And they, they just don't realize that we run on a 28 day cycle, that it takes us, it takes them two to three minutes to get a hard on. It takes us 20 minutes to get a clitoral erection. And I do want to talk about how our bodies work today because I think that is such an important part of it. A lot of what I talk about is, is someone functional? You know, it's like, here are the parts you have and here's how they work. Because if you don't have that basic fundamental knowledge, then you think something's wrong with you. And there's too many women out there having mercy sex with their partners, their horny male partners, and not really getting enough out of it, but doing it out of obligation or just to keep Them from being grumpy, when in reality we could be having incredible sex that's completely fulfilling, highly multi orgasmic. And we could be badgering them for more sex. And there are women who are listening who are badgering their partners for more sex. And one of the interesting things about sex and this leads into really our first area of conversation that I want to talk about, which is libido, desire and arousal. I think about those like a Venn diagram, kind of like the Olympic logo with circles interacting. Exactly. You are right here in the middle of those three circles. Libido, desire and arousal. And libido is our body based desire. It's our horniness. And when you have any kind of illness.

And that's physical and emotional because they are always hand in hand, they are a double helix. Physical and emotional illness. They go hand in hand.

When you don't, when you're not feeling horny, it's likely your health and that's your libido. That's why you want to work with functional medicine doctors and naturopaths who get to the root cause of the problem. Like you, Dr. Donnie. The second thing is this notion of desire. And desire is the emotional game, the head game. How do I feel about myself? Do I feel worthy? Do I feel wanted? Do I feel lovable? Do I feel like I'm enough? Do I feel attractive? If you are constantly focused on not feeling attractive, which estrogen being the dominant hormone, sex hormone, it is a judgy hormone. It is the hormone of safety for women. It keeps us safe. But one of the ways it does that is by making us extremely judgy about things. That's why we're persnickety. And we're persnickety with ourselves. Oh, my belly is fat. Oh my. I have cellulite on my butt. Oh, my breasts are saggy. Oh, my skin is crepey or whatever it might be, I'm too fat, I'm too thin, I'm too old, I'm too young, I'm too whatever. That's estrogen controlling your mind. And good sex is a mind game because sex is a mindfulness practice. I've had an orgasmic meditation practice with my husband of 31 years on 18 or 19 years now, could be even 20. I'd have to ask him. He's the numbers man. And that's where we have a clitoral stroking practice that is not penetrative. That allows me to go into an orgasmic experience with him where he's taking me there with his stimulation of this gentle stroking of my vulva. And I'm riding his ride, but we're in this limbic conjoined trance state. And by staying with sensation and focusing on sensation and getting out of my head and into my body, which this practice teaches you how to do, all lovemaking becomes more pleasurable. And so desire is, how do you feel about yourself and how do you feel about your partner? And understanding that your critical nature needs to be checked at the door of the bedroom. Because testosterone gives your male body partner rose colored glasses. He doesn't even see. And he likes the fat, he likes the boobs, he likes the butt. It's funny, I just gained probably five pounds over the holidays. I had a facelift and I did some PRP to my elbow joints that I'd messed up in the gym, so I couldn't really do any working out. But I kept on eating right through Christmas and it was delicious. And I've got like an extra good pad going right now. You can grab my hips, you can grab my belly, you can grab my boobs. And I said to my husband, enjoy it while it lasts because this is not how I like to be. I like to be fairly low body weight, high muscle. I like to be low body fat, high muscle. I try to keep that in my scope. I try to get as muscly as I can. Being almost 6 foot tall woman that I don't get too buff. But. But he is like, I just love it when you're like this. And I said, I know that's why you need to be grabbing handfuls of it now because in a month it's going to be gone because I'll be able to work out again.

It's such a good point though, like to. I love how you're pointing out that like, that men have a whole different.

Yeah, they want gynoid fat.

All of their hormones are different. The way their desire works is different. Everything is different. And so, and I think that's why sometimes people almost like give up because they're like, hey, how am I? But you're saying, hey, if we can understand them and we understand ourselves, there's a way to bring that together.

Yeah, once you, once you know how your body works, you don't feel like something's wrong with you. Because women always blame themselves. Oh, I'm just not the kind of woman who can have an orgasm from intercourse. And he goes, well, I guess you're not. And so they stop trying. And my man, if there is one thing, thing I want my legacy to be. It's Susan Bratton taught me about the power of engorging my genitals and gave me the time that it takes for me to get my full clitoral erection so that I can cross the gasm chasm, I can cross the orgasm gap, which is how easy it is for guys, my male body partner, to have an orgasm from intercourse and how hard it is for me. Well, it's only hard because we get rushed for sex because he's already horny and ready to go and he goes too fast and we think that's what's expected. And then we can't have our orgasms from intercourse. And all women can have 20 kinds of orgasms. Some are locations you touch on your body. Some are practices like my expanded orgasm practice, which by the way, for your listeners, if you're interested in learning more about this expanded orgasm practice, I have a website about it. It's@expandherorgasmtonight.com and if you go there, there are explanations of it, there are videos of me explaining it, et cetera. It is a practice that is a lineage that I learned from my mentor, Dr. Patty Taylor, and she created a program that teaches couples how to have this incredible practice. And what it does is it gives us women time to, to get that arousal go up the arousal ladder, which is the third ring. In our conversation here. We talked about libido is your health. Desire is how you feel about yourself and your partner and the trickiness of estrogen. Just don't listen to her. Right? Let yourself go and feel good. And then arousal is this 20 minutes it takes us to get all the blood flowing into our genitals so that we can have our genital system expand so that it has more surface area, so that when it's stimulated, it has way more pleasure signals going to the number one sex organ, which is.

Zip here, Right. You wouldn't think that your brain.

That's amazing. Yes, thank you so much for explaining that. And I, I wanted to point out, like in my book that Master Stress reset your health book, I share how sex is actually, I consider it a stress recovery activity for sure. Studies definitely show that not only is it reducing stress, but it's increasing oxytocin levels, which is what you're also referring to here with the orgasm is this release of oxytocin, which is an anti stress hormone. And there are studies that show that, you know, people who are experiencing orgasms have a decreased death rate. Even so, it's like we live longer. They live, you're living longer. And it doesn't just have to be orgasms with a partner. It can be orgasms from self pleasuring, which I know you like to talk about as well. So tell us more. What is, what is self pleasuring? If someone's like, wow, I would like to be able to have orgasms to improve my health. How can I do that even if I don't have a partner or I want to separate from my partner?

Well, there's a couple of things. One, I'm going to leave the five tools that every woman needs to expand her orgasmic potential till the end because I want to do a little show and tell of something that I like to call orgasmic cross training, which you can do yourself without a partner or you can make it partnered play. And this expands your orgasmic capacity. So however you're having orgasms right now, if you are, if you're not, you have them ahead of you. They are a learned skill. You can teach your body how to have it. It's not hard. And honestly, I talk to a lot of women doctors, female doc, female sexual doctors that don't have orgasms.

That understand the female genitalia, they understand engorgement, they understand.

Orgasmic processes as mind body connection and that they, you know, release hormones and neurotransmitters and you know, things like oxytocin. Which by the way, one of the nice things about oxytocin is that not only does it make you feel closer to yourself and your partner and deepens your intimacy, but it also makes you less irked at other people. It's actually a pro social.

Hormone that the more sex you have, the less irked you are by humanity.

Which is helpful today.

You know, it is true. It's. I think we, we definitely all could use more oxytocin. And there's other ways you can, you know, even just by being with a pet or, or getting a hug. There's, you know, there's ways but, but just to know, wow, this, that's, you know, because I think sometimes people downplay sex as just sex. They're not realizing that has all this capacity to shift not only your perspective at the time of the orgasm, but going forward.

Yeah, it reboots your nervous system and it calms you down. I can tell women that aren't having good sex by how jittery and nervous they are.

You can see it sometimes, you know, say if someone's just started, you know, listening into this and they're like, wait a minute, I feel like I need to get my body ready for this.

Yeah.

You know, sometimes that's a lot of times the conversation I'm having, like, let's make sure your hormones are balanced, or if there is vaginal atrophy, let's address that. Let's, let's. If there's, you know, how do we get that? Because it's true we usually hear about the gut biome, but we don't so much hear about the vaginal biome. And it's, it's so important, especially for fending off, you know, like, and protecting yourself, because some women are really afraid, hey, if I start having sex, am I going to be exposed to a virus or some infection? And so you, we, we obviously do. If you're having sex with another human, you're, you know, there's a possibility that there's going to be a shift in your. I think of it as the vaginal ecosystem, which includes the bacteria. But as well, you know, there's going to be some viruses or yeast that come through. And we want to have your body in a healthy place so that you, you're ready for that. Like, you can protect yourself from whatever you might get exposed to. And as you know, that's one of the. My key ways of addressing HPV is just really help get the vaginal biome healthy. So it's like, so basically, like, one step is like addressing, as you talked about before, like, understanding the aspects of sexuality and then understanding and supporting your health overall so that you're like, you. You're ready for sex and intimacy. And then what I'm, I'm excited for you to tell us is like, okay, so how do we, how do we. How can we start to understand these. And I know you have so many resources, Susan, on like, understanding arousal and, and how to. To help, you know, help ourselves to experience arousal in a. In a successful way.

Yeah. So I want to give you a free download for your listeners that's called. It's@ArousalSecrets.com and basically in that, I go into even more detail about how your body works. Because what I want to do now is I want to move along to what goes wrong with our genital system and how to fix it. And then I want to do the orgasmic cross training. So I want you to go to arousalsecrets.com and download. There's an e book and a video, and in that I explain exactly what all the parts of your body are, your genitals, and how they work and how they like to be touched and what you need to experience pleasurable sex. It really helps when you understand that you're not broken and that your. What your parts are and how they like to be pleasured and how they've never been getting what they needed. And as soon as you can explain this to your partner and hearing what I say and then going, okay, I want to try that. And then explaining it to your partner is going to help you from this day forward, get to the kind of satisfying sensuality and sexuality and intimacy and pleasure that I feel is our human birthright on this planet. And one of the things that is up there in the pantheon with love of friends and family, good health, good nutrition, love of art and music, connection to spirit or Gaia or God or whatever is right for you. These are the beautiful things in life. So what goes wrong? Let's just make the little list of the most common issues that women have. Number one is loss of lubrication. Number two is decreasing sensation, more difficulty achieving orgasm as we age. One is painful intercourse or even painful sex around the vulva anywhere. The next is incontinence, urinary incontinence. So stress and urge incontinence. Like, I can't get my key in my lock of my door without peeing my pants when I get home, or I can't sneeze without peeing my pants. That's bullshit. You need to fix it, and it's fixable. There's no way you need to be wearing a panty liner every day. No way. So that's fixable. And then last but not least is sagging labia. As we age, especially if we are groomed down there, if we're, if we don't have our old big old bush. Our labias start to sag as we age and they kind of look like old man balls. And that is unacceptable to Susan Bratton. I need a nice, plump, youthful labia. And so, you know, these are things that women aren't talking about, they're noticing and they're thinking about. And they're like, what do I do? Do I need to go have plastic surgery? You do not. No cutting involved. I don't believe in that. Unless there's, you know, there are some women whose labia are so long that they interfere with pleasure. Riding bicycles or doing their peloton or what, what have you playing tennis or what have you. And, and in that case, I can't begrudge a woman wanting to take care of that. I wouldn't cut my labia if they were hanging down on my Knees, because they provide me so much pleasure. But that's me. And you gotta do you. So now, how do you fix all of those things? There's a stack. When we talk about something called sexual biohacking, there's two. There's two things you can think about with regard to your genitals. And this would just be the same as how I take care of my face and my body, you know, in my face. It's funny. I was happy to get a facelift and cut off the excess skin, but I would never touch my labia. Isn't that so funny?

You know, you moisturize, you go get microdermabrasion, or you do dermaplaning. You get your lasers to get rid of the age spots and to plump up the collagen. You know, you're doing all these kinds of things.

Attention. Right. To what we can see. But it's another area of the body is important, even if you're not looking at it all the time.

Exactly. And I think it's. It's.

The differences are that there's sexual biohacking and then there's sexual regenerative treatments. Sexual biohacking is taking what you have and making it even better. Sexual regenerative treatments are reversing aging and atrophy so that you get back to where you were. So you can start with regeneration, and then you can be like, well, I'm going to see how much more I can do. You can go into biohacking. So this is really up to you.

But just to know that these options are available and that you can make a decision. You can say, okay, let me start here. And then. And then decide if I want to do these other. You mentioned PRP for your elbows. You can use that. Yep. Vaginally, too.

Exactly. Yes, exactly. Perfect. So there's a couple of things for. This is the. This is kind of the process that I recommend, and that is.

When you have. And it really depends on whether you have internal issues, external issues, or both. And most women have both, honestly. So this is what I like, is I like to do kind of the innie and the outy kind of options. And the very first thing I start with is this vagina device. It's at vagina. It's@vagina device.com. easy enough. Vagina device.com and it's called the V Fit Gold. And this is. I'm holding up a little device. If you're listening to the podcast, I'm holding up a small white device that is an FDA Class 2 medical grade device that is an intravaginal it goes inside your vagina device that has three modes, three modalities that it uses to help with incontinence, tighten and tone vaginal laxity, which comes from thinning tissue, rejuvenate lubrication. And I think those are. And I said incontinence.

Yeah. Really good things to be doing.

Super good things. If you're 40 years old you got to start with one of these. And it uses red light therapy photobiomodulation to stimulate the mitochondria of the vaginal mucosal lining. That also it uses warmth, which warmth recolligenates the tissue and it also helps with engorgement. So it brings blood into the tissue. And then it uses a vibration, a slight vibration. This is not a vibrator, this is not a sex toy. This is a FDA Class 2 medical vaginal rejuvenation device marketed for menopausal woman for incontinence and vaginal issues. And the warmth and the vibration do like the vibration does the Kegel toning piece of it. So this is good for inside the vagina which is great. So if you have.

Sounds like something every woman should be. Should have.

Yeah.

Like because this is just part of our, of our lifetime is that those.

The vaginal tissue gets weak with the loss of estrogen.

So we're gonna if to end the incontinence. The muscles get weak and everything. So it's like hey, we need to be paying attention and being proactive about this.

Yep, exactly. And then the second piece that you have to do with it and really it's almost the foundation is to take a nitric oxide booster. And in addition to a publishing company where I publish passionate lovemaking techniques and bedroom communication skills, I have a second company. The first company is called Personal Life media. It's a personallifemedia.com, the second company is called the 20. It's at the 20store.com and one of the two products that I make is a supplement for blood flow. And you need blood flow to think for your heart, for exercise, to keep edema and swelling down, to keep your the fingers and the tips of your body fully vascularized. And you need it for pelvic blood flow during arousal because your vagina is not a self lubricate, it's not a gland, it doesn't self lubricate, it's a muscle. It's a stretchy muscle and it is lined with essentially something similar to the inside of your mouth. But it gets wet from Your blood plasma going down into your pelvic bowl and seeping through the vaginal walls. So if you have lubrication issues, it is likely you are low on nitric oxide. Women think it's their hormones, but, you know, in reality, lubrication issues, estrogen is not going to fix lubrication issues. Estrogen is going to thicken the tissue a bit because it thickens your skin, it thickens all the tissue, but it's not going to give you more lubrication. And that's women's number one complaint is, honestly, lubrication. And so the simple, beautiful thing is to take a nitric oxide booster. I make one that's made from organic fruit and vegetables. It's called Flow F L O W. And I have a special link for people who listen to me on a podcast that has a better price and better shipping and all that stuff. It's at buyflownow.com b u y dash f l o dash w n o w dot com. If you want to get it or take any one you want, it's okay, whatever you prefer. But women write to me and they're like, within 10 days, I was wetter than I'd been since I was 20. I mean, there. Even though lubrication is not correlated with arousal, like, you could be super turned on and dry as a bone, which is very frustrating, when you're super turned on and you're dripping wet, you feel more turned on. It just makes you feel hornier. And so not only does it help with painful sex, it gets that lubrication back and it makes you just feel more warning. So it's. It's part of the libido piece of things.

So you're mentioning nitroxide. So for anyone who. That's a new term, nitric oxide helps to dilate the blood vessels, too. So it's like this is. And you mentioned earlier that part of. For women, it's 20 minutes of stimulation to get blood flow there. But even then, if you don't have enough nitric oxide, it may be. It may be even harder or longer to get to that. Right? So it's like the goal is, how do we help with the blood flow both by touch and time, but also by making sure you have enough nitric oxide. And it's very common. If we have. If we've been under a lot of stress, which all of us have been, inflammation in the body.

Other health issues, what ends up happening is the nitric oxide production decreases. And so this is something that I pay a lot of attention to, especially in cases of fatigue and migraines and MTHFR related ventilation issues. So it's, it's. But I think it's often forgotten or only talked about for men. So I love that you're saying, hey, this is something that women need to be paying attention to too. And there's simple ways to address it. It doesn't require like a medication that's got side effects or anything. You can use nutrients to help your nitric oxide levels. And so thank you for sharing them.

Yeah. Why is it all about men in their Viagra when we. If you look at, I'm holding up a banana right now, a little, a little plastic banana I got off Amazon. And what I explained to women is that if you think about the banana as a man's penis and all the fruit in about 50% of his penis sticks out of his body and about 50% goes in and down toward his testicles. But if you take that banana out of his body, that banana shape and you peel it back, what's left in the is the fruit of the banana. And all of that is erectile tissue. Now just take that banana and curve it into a circle and put it into your vulva. That's how much erectile tissue you have. We have the same amount as men. And nobody's talking about our blood flow. Screw the medical community. We'll do it ourselves. We'll eat our leafy greens, we'll eat our beetroot, we'll take our nitric oxide supplements and we will get our blood flow going. And what I love about it is that women don't realize that there's erectile tissue completely surrounding the vagina. Which is why you can have orgasms from intercourse without even touching the tip of your clitoris. Because once you get all that engorged and the penis is sliding in and out, it feels incredible. So literally it's just getting the blood flow there and having the time for it. And then you can cross that chasm and start enjoying intercourse course as much as your male bodied partner, maybe even more so. I know I do. So going back to what we were talking about with kind of the stack of things that regenerate. So we talked about taking flow, we talked about the vagina device. And then the next thing that I layer on there is FEMI wave. And FEMI wave is you go to a practitioner for this and it is not a CO2 laser that burns you or RF device that wounds you deep inside and hurts like hell. It's actually, it doesn't even go in the vagina. It's done on the outside of the vulva. So you've got your vagina device doing the inside of the vagina and the femiwave also does the inside of the vagina from the outside of your body. You go and they run this little wand over your mons, over your outer labia. This is how you plump up your old saggy labia. You do femi waves. If you want a pretty yoni. My pretty little yoni. Yoni being the tantric lovemaking word for the female genitalia, the vulva system. That femi wave plumps everything up again. It gets it all with this new tissue. It also reduces or eradicates incontinence, which is fantastic. So it goes right into the urethral area. It shores up all that, that musculature in the pelvic bowl and then they do it in the perineal area and the clitoral area. So that basically the acoustic wave that they're sending into the vulval system is doing tiny little micro damage that then your body recruits your own growth and healing fact. You don't feel the damage, your body recruits these healing factors. And within 30, 60, 90 days of this treatment, you have reversed atrophy. You've gotten rid of the incontinence. You're. I am so lubricated right now between the flow and the vagina device and.

The femi waves that it's got all the, all the ways working. They all work together. And so it's a matter of finding a practitioner that offers this.

Yeah, just go to femiwave.com there's a directory.

Awesome.

Yeah, it's super easy. It's. And take your husband and get him gains waves. Because gains wave and femi wave are the same thing. They just do it on his penis. My husband just got his gains wave. He goes every year and he gets a gains wave and then here's the next thing that you can stack on it. So now we're getting into luxury items, but that's fine because there are women who are like, let's do it all. I take care of myself. I'm going to 100. I want to have hot sex my whole life. I'm going to do all the things. And the last one that I add on is the O shot or orgasm shot. And that's what you mentioned, Dr. Donni. That's the PRP or platelet rich plasma that comes from your own blood. It's taken, put into a centrifuge the white and red blood cells are removed. You're left with a fibrin rich matrix of golden broth that has the healing factors and the cytokines that call to your own body's stem cells to come and heal. Repair. This is regenerative sexual medicine. You're actually regenerating atrophied clitoris, atrophied labia, atrophied pelvic musculature, atrophied urinary and urethral function. You're just fixing the whole thing by stimulating and regrowing new tissue in the vulva. It's just unbelievable.

I trained with, with PRP and oh, shot. And so I can say like, I, I'm not offering it as a service currently, but I definitely, if someone's, you know, thinking, hey, is this something that's safe and useful? I can tell you that it's, that it's, it's, you know, and this is the thing I love about this conversation too is these are things that you can do. You're not having to. Because I think a lot of people worry, am I gonna have to take a pill every time I have sex? Or every week or every day? And it's like, these are things you can do to help your body recover and then you have minimal maintenance to, for ongoing. Right?

Yes. This is what I love about all of these things. They are non invasive regenerative treatments that turn back the clock on aging and give you wonderful youthful sexual function. I mean, I'm having orgasms that are the intensity of when I was 30. I've got the lubrication better than in my 20s and 30s. My vulva is so delicious and ripe and velvety and luxurious and functioning so well that it's just giving me so much pleasure. And I'll tell you, you get better at sex as you age. So having the best sex of my life at 60 is no surprise. I've got youthful genitals and the experience and wisdom and confidence of being a woman my age. I don't take any shit from anybody about anything anymore. You know, this is what happens when you get to be in your 60s. You're just like, here's how it's all going to work, people, you know, and.

This is the thing. It's like, I love that you're also showing sharing and you, I mean, you have so many resources available. And I want people to know that if you're, if you're listening and you're like, wow, Susan just said several things that I want to learn more about. Including communication with your partner and self pleasuring and how do you do these things? And even just the energetics of an intimate connection. Right. Like, you know, I love that you cover this whole breadth of information for people so that they can just start to feel more comfortable about this. And they can. It's not something that happens overnight. It's something that you just start putting your intention and your attention until. And, and it can be such a beautiful way also if you are in a relationship to work on this together with your partner. I mean, I know that's what you share that you and your husband did is made this, hey, this is something you're going to work on together and end up getting to the place that you're just describing now where it's, you know, you guys were successful and that's why you're so passionate about sharing it with everyone.

Exactly. Yeah. We almost got divorced because I wasn't having orgasms from intercourse and I didn't want to have sex with him anymore. And because I didn't want to have sex with him, I was giving him mercy sex and he was grumpy and he ended up having an affair with a married woman whose husband wasn't having sex with her just to cope because he loved me and wanted to stay in the marriage. And when we came clean about it, I was, he was like, well then let's make sure you have pleasure. What do we need to do? Let's go to some workshops, let's learn some things, let's go to some therapy. And the workshops were incredible. And I said let's, let's build a company teaching people all over the world how to have the things that we learned in these workshops. So we brought our workshop people in and we created online programs. And now you can do it from the privacy of your own home and increment your knowledge because it's the blind leading the blind out there. There. The quality of sexuality that people are having is very, very low when they don't have any sexual education. And the only place you can get sexual education is from sex educators like myself. And luckily I've had a 20 year career creating programs that have given millions of people more pleasure and connection. But I want to end with the five types of self pleasuring tools that every woman should have for her orgasmic cross training plan. Does that sound good?

Yeah. Yeah.

Okay, great.

So sounds like a good finale.

It really. That's a happy ending right there, Dr. Donnie.

Okay, I'm going to show you quite a few little devices and let's see, almost everything I'm going to show you is from Fun Factory with the exception of the very first thing that I'm going to show you. So this. Now the notion with orgasmic cross training is that you can come from, you can have orgasms from direct clitoral glands stimulation. You can have it from G spot stimulation, you can have it from intravaginal stimulation.

And that the more that you get the entire vulva vibrated, pleasured and engorged, the easier it's going to be to get engorged with a partner. And you're already going to have some engorgement. If you have a pretty steady self pleasuring practice, you're going to start already ahead of the game. And the other thing that's important is that different types of stimulation are going to teach you how to have orgasms more easily from lots of partnered stimulation. So toys don't make you addicted to them. They don't make it harder to, they make it easier to have orgasms with partners. And they don't ruin your ability, ability to orgasm. They enhance your ability to orgasm.

It's such a good point because people worry about, they hear this and then they, they are afraid.

Fear mongering. So this is called the Womanizer and it's an air stimulator. It suckles the clitoral structure. Excellent for engorging the clitoral structure. This is a, this is like a ground zero. You gotta have this in your pleasure chest. The second thing is having a good big vibrator, any kind like a magic wand or anything like that is very good. One is another wow brand product that's quite nice. But any kind of a big buzzy vibrator where you can get the outer labia, the inner labia, the mons, the perineum, not just the tip of the clitoris. You got to start bringing blood flow into the entire outer vulva. Then the next thing that I think is really nice is this is the Volta by Fun Factory. And this is really nice because it actually is like a motorboat for your clitoris. It's very delicate for many women. Many women swear by the Womanizer. The other 50% swear by the Volta. And they give you entirely different sensations. So that helps your clitoris be more responsive to entirely different sensations. The next thing that I really like to recommend is a G Spot tool. This one is how I forget what this one's called, but it's a Fun Factory product too. Just look under the G Spot tools. And this is very nice because it's an Intravaginal vibrator with a G spot tip for the top of your vaginal canal. Or you can also look for something like this. These are also similar. This is the lady by and the Misbi. The only difference between these two and these are what you would normally you would call these rabbit vibrators. These are super high quality. You don't want to buy any cheap products off of Amazon because they have plasticizers and phthalates that are endocrine disruptors that are sucked up in your v vaginal mucosal lining and they ruin your hormones. So you want to use really good products. Fun Factory makes their own silicone. It's so fine. They're a German company. This is an internal and external vibrator and that's why it's called a bi because bi Bi means two in German and they're a German company. So it's the lady and the Ms. Buy. The misbi is really great for people with smaller vulvas and the lady by is really good for women who really like who have a bigger vagina and who really like deep penetration. For me personally, being almost a six foot tall woman, I have a giant vagina and so I need these bigger type of toys. But for some women who are like, I think my vagina is fused shot, I'm not sure I can even have sex. I haven't had sex in so long. Start with the vagina device that I talked about here earlier and coaxing that in and opening the vaginal area with that warm light, the warmth and the vibration. Then you can move to something like the Ms. Bi which will really help you with having something in your vagina that's a strong vibration. Last but not least, you could also potentially move to something that's called a thruster or pulsator. And a thruster or pulsator uses a magnet and it goes back and forth and it goes in your vagina hands free. This one comes with a clitoral tip tickler. And this one is just a plain one that has no external piece to it and it goes in and out of you. This is the Tiger and it has a G spot stimulator and it's hands free so you could have this inside you while you're also putting something directly on the clitoris to stimulate it. And you can have blended orgasms. So this is nice because I think this really helps you cross the gasm chasm where you're feeling something inside you that's stimulating you intravaginally while you're stimulating your clitoris so you can have orgasms that way. So that when you have a male bodied partner inside you, you're much more likely to be able to have orgasms from intercourse or just use a vibration on your clitoris while you're being penetrated by a partner. That'll get your orgasms going as well. So don't expect, expect that if you don't automatically do it, you can't, you can. It's learned. These tools are for your pleasure and your improvement sexually. Very, very good for you. Don't skimp on them. You've got enough shoes. Don't buy any more shoes. Buy sex toys. Because you will be a happier woman with a new vibrator than you will be with a new pair of shoes. Although shoes are nice, believe you me, I buy a lot of shoes. But I, but look how many vibrators I have.

Here's. Oh my gosh, thank you so much because I think that like what you just gave us in a couple minutes is, I know, a whole education because otherwise you're, you know, I'm sure so many women are like, where do I even start? How do I, what questions do I even ask? So thank you so much and for listening. Who wants to learn more? This is not the end of what Susan has to share. She's got books, she's got blogs, she's got videos, she's got so much. And so you can, you don't have to feel ashamed about educating yourself. You can, you can learn so much more from her from wherever you are and really start to get comfortable like at the, it definitely just improving your health vaginally and as you mentioned, even the urinary tract because of course that the vagina and the urinary tractor right next to each other and, and this is so important for preventing. So you know, even if we're just thinking about incontinence and infections and preventing these sort of things later into your life, but also to feel comfortable with an intimate partner and even if you're not with an intimate partner, to be able to get the benefit of sexual activity, intimacy and orgasm so that you can use that also as part of your wellness plan. You know, in addition to eating and exercise and sleep, this is also needs to be part of, I think, our wellness plan for longevity. So thank you again so much for sharing today. Susan.

Yeah, Donnie, thank you so much for having me. I wanted to remind women that arousalsecrets.com is a great place to get started. I also, you can find me on betterlover.com. i've got hundreds of videos. One of the ones I'd recommend is a my videos on yoni massage. Y O N I Yoni massage. Starting a yoni massage practice, if you're lucky enough to have a partner, is really, really the way to back to healing. And I am on Instagram under my name at Susan Bratton. S U S A N B R A T T O N And my website, personallifemedia.com has hundreds, thousands of articles that I've written over the last two decades on every aspect of sexuality. So I will meet you where you are. You just use my search box and you will find resources and I'll share them, of course.

Everything.

Yeah, great.

So everybody, if you read down below this video, you'll find links to these websites that Susan's mentioning and buy flow.

Now because that's your ground zero for literally brain function, vascular function, I mean, nitric oxide. We need that as much as we need our hormones. It is, it is a function of estrogen. Estrogen can't live without nitric oxide. You must have it to. Yes, they go together. As a matter of fact, I should share. Donni, I'll share with you a slide presentation that Dr. Felice Gersh did at the A4M longevity gynecologist. Yeah, she's a Irvine gynecologist and she did a whole, a whole 45 minute presentation on how nitric oxide and estrogen are basically intertwined, that one needs the other to really function. So I'll send that off to you too. And thank you so much for having me. We covered a lot of ground.

Oh my gosh, it's wonderful. Thank you so much and, and thanks everyone for listening in. If we can help you at all with any of this, please don't hesitate to reach out to us. We are here and we'll talk to you all very soon.

Thanks for listening to how humans heal. If you love if you liked this episode, leave a rating and a review. And for more resources, visit drdani.com.