A short YouTube talk (by Dr. Gary Sanchez) introducing the concept of a personal "yos" — an internal system that drives behavior — and explaining how self-awareness of one’s own yos and recognition of others’ yos improves communication and relationship durability. The speaker gives examples (e.g., the tendency to fix vs. the need for comfort; the importance of keeping one’s word for a partner whose yos centers on trust) and offers practical steps like pausing to ask whether someone wants a solution or an ear.
Chapters
Your yos is the internal system that drives you. So knowing your yos and the yos of those closest to you is the first step to stronger, long lasting relationships. This will help you maintain better friendships, communicate more clearly with one another and mediate issues without damaging your relationship. When you know your yos, you will gain immediate self awareness. Understanding your individual strengths and challenges will help you express what you need from the other person and or persons in the relationship and as well as identifying when a characteristic of your own yos is the challenge. So let me give you an example if you are better way Sometimes your drive to fix things can frustrate people in your life when they are only seeking comfort. You have a hard time listening without finding a solution for that person. Knowing this about yourself allows you to listen. Pause and ask the person if they are looking for a solution or they really just want an ear to listen. Self awareness is one of the most important pieces to a healthy relationship. By knowing others yos you will have immediate clarity on that person. Knowing how you operate and how they operate will open the door to better communication. For example, if you are in a relationship with someone with the Y of trust, you know that you can never go back on your word no matter how small because if you do, you will lose their trust and ultimately damage your relationship. Understand your yos and the yos of your loved ones so you can be self aware, understand them more clearly and ultimately communicate better. Relationships are hard work, but let's make them less work.
