Rewrite Your Narrative: Fueling Confidence and Purpose with Loren Lahav

In this week's episode, we're going to be talking about the why of challenge, to challenge the status quo and think differently. And I've got a great guest for you. Her name is Lauren Lahav. She has spent the last 30 years in personal growth helping people all over the world from. I mean, just everywhere. Fiji, Portugal, Spain, everywhere. And she has her own event. It's a. It's a big event for women called Own your worth. And I think you're going to love meeting her and she is going to get you to think differently, and she's going to share some amazing tips and information with you. So I think you're really going to enjoy this.

Welcome to beyond you'd why podcast, where we go beyond just talking about your why and actually help you discover and then live your why. You see, we believe that knowing your why, that driving force behind every decision you make and every action you take, is the essential first step to really knowing yourself. It allows you to move forward faster and have a bigger impact. If you're already a fan of the show, then you know that every week we talk about one of the nine whys, and then we introduce you to somebody with that why so you can see how their why has played out in their life. This show will be more powerful for you if you've already discovered your why. If you still need to do that, head over to why institute.com and discover your why today. It'll only take you about five minutes. Now, let's meet today's guest.

This week, we're going to be talking about the why of challenge. To challenge the status quo and think differently. So if this is your why, then you don't believe in following the rules or drawing inside the lines. You want things to be fun and exciting and different. You rebel against the classic way of doing things. You typically have eccentric friends and eclectic tastes because, after all, why would you want to be normal? You love to be different, think different, and you aren't afraid to challenge virtually anyone or anything that is too conventional or typical for your tastes. Pushing the envelope comes naturally to you. So this week, I've got a great guest for you. Her name is Lauren Linda Lahav. And Lauren is an American talk show host, television producer, mom, wife, author, entrepreneur, and philanthropist. Lauren is the real deal. Her signature is her ability to take someone facing a challenge quickly, identify what it will take to resolve their issue, and do an intervention that results in lasting change in a matter of minutes. This is a skill that she has developed having been involved in personal development. For over 30 years, not only has she studied with some of the greatest thought leaders in the world, she has the innate ability to apply what she has learned to helping thousands transform their lives. Driven by her passion to help empower women of all ages, all over the world, of all walks of life, Lauren has created a platform through her products, tv, documentary, online resources, live and virtual events, and books for women to receive support on many levels and through the community. Lauren is the author of Life Tune Ups, which was featured in People magazine as one of the top three books of 2010. Lauren, welcome to the podcast.

Thanks so much. I'm glad to be here. It's wonderful.

This is going to be fun. I love the why of challenge because we never know exactly what we're going to get, but we're going to find out here in just a minute. So, Lauren, where are you right now? Where do you live currently?

I currently live in Las Vegas. But as you were describing my wife, you were describing my mom, so I think I've become my mother.

I love that. So take us back in your life now. Where were you born? What were you like in high school?

In high school. Wow. I was definitely what you were saying. I'm originally from Asheville, North Carolina, a little, little, little Jewish girl from the South. And it was very interesting growing up because it was in the. As you know, I'm 58, and it was. It was a whole different time back there. I was probably like, I went to a. An elementary school. I went to a Catholic high school, and my parents. And once again, there were only two Jewish, Two, maybe four Jewish kids at the whole school. And so there were parts of Asheville that, you know, we weren't even allowed to go to. So in high. I think I have always been a rebel, you know, just like, okay, I'm gonna, I'm gonna. No one's gonna tell me how to do something. No one's gonna tell me because I'm this way. I'm always one of those people. It's like, I want people to love me for who I am, not what I am. And so in high school, I was always. I loved to work. I just. I loved to work, whatever that it was doing. My brother and I were raised on flea markets. And I don't mean, like swanky flea markets. I mean, like flea markets where there were real fleas. So our parents raised us as very, very strong contribution, values, and hard work. So we would appreciate everything in our lives. Like, as I shared with you earlier, you know, my mom grew up with the high school in Albuquerque. And we just. We would. My brother and I, we created a arcade underneath my dad's office because the space was there. I went on, and I was pretty much an average student. You know, I mean, I cheered. I was present the. Whatever, the Latin Society. I was on the debate team. I remember I was. You know, I wasn't. I was okay and everything, you know, just okay. Zerba said, well, you're never going to get a. You're never going to get a, you know, a scholarship to college. And I'm like, oh, hell yeah, I will get a scholarship to college. And I was the very first girl from western North Carolina to ever get an Army ROTC scholarship. So, you know, I guess you're right. I just. Okay, fine. You know, I'm always. I always will find a way anytime I'm. I love when people tell me I can't do something because I find a way.

So you were a Jewish kid in a Catholic school?

I was a Jewish kid in a Catholic school, yes.

Yeah, that seems a little bit different how. I'm sure it was.

You know, what was amazing about it is my. And I really want to give my parents so much credit because my. My parents raised us to appreciate all kinds of people. My parents would always say to us, the worst thing you could be is be ignorant. So we went to all different kinds of churches. I went where they spoke in tongues. I went to. I went out to Billy Graham's place. You know, I went and I went to the Pentecostal churches to. I had nuns that I went to mass with afterwards. And so I think that I have so much empathy for where people are at in their life, because my parents made sure that we did that. My dad started the housing authority in the 60s, which was not an easy time. You know, we have many death threats against us growing up. My parents made sure we never knew about those things. But we were, you know, we were in it. We were in it because we wanted to really make a difference in the world. And so I always fought for the underdog, mostly maybe because I was the underdog. And so that's always been a big driver for me is fighting for the underdog and finding a way or making a way.

That's interesting that you say that, because that's one of the typical things that we hear people with the why of challenge say is I fight for the underdogs. And maybe because. Did you feel like you were at one point an underdog?

Oh, for sure. Oh, yeah. I mean, like I said, I mean. I mean, I don't know how deep you really want to go there, but, I mean, I think maybe just when people say, oh, those things, how people talk to people, that really can't be that way. I mean, I remember being a little girl, and my. As a little girl, I mean, imagine this as a little girl in like seven or eight years old, all the way, probably till I was 12 years old. I remember people saying to me, oh, you're nothing but a Jew girl, you know, or the Jews deserve to die in the concentration camps. Or. I mean, I heard some pretty horrific, horrific things. And I was very, very, very quiet and very reserved, and I made up for lost time, obviously. But I remember the day where someone took, you know, said something to my brother, and I was just like, that is it. I am done. And, you know, we call them defining moments in our life that just changes who we are. And I was sent to the principal's office, and they said, you know, you're going to go away. And I'm like, I'm just tired of this. I am tired of people, like, picking on this person and picking on this person. And no more like that is it. I am. You will never hear me shut up ever again because I will always be out there cheering people on and helping them find a way. So it's always been that way. Yeah. So it's fun. I mean, even today, it's like, people. A lot of times in, you know, in what I've done For the past 33 years, a lot of people go, man, Lauren, like, you're always, like, you always have to ask yourself, maybe there's something I don't know. Right? I think the worst thing you can do is assume something, right? Like, I was sharing with you, my husband loves the state of New Mexico, and. And I said, why do you love it so much? She goes, because people don't take the time to see, like, what happened after Route 66 and how many small towns that it just destroyed. And. And we assume that, you know, we. We think that every city in America is a big city, and there's so many small towns of people just barely getting by and just to have more appreciation and empathy for those people. So he loves going to all the little towns in New Mexico and staying at the hotels in the small towns, right? They don't ever get the visitors because people are always going to the big towns. Something as simple as that. I think that we need to think. We need to wake up a little bit more of what's happening around Us with our neighbors and our friends and you know, just a total stranger on the street. Mm, wow.

Well, so you graduated high school and off the ro. Army rotc. And where was that at?

So I was like Private Benjamin, you know, I went to. I went to the University of Georgia because I was a journalism major. And I was going to go to Chapel Hill because I am from North Carolina, as I said, where it was more of a newspaper writing, journalism more at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. And a friend of mine, she's like, I'm going to go check out the University of Georgia. And I was already signed up to go to Carolina, but like you said, me a challenger. My. I went with my friend and I'm like, oh, this is like a cool town. Athens, Georgia. I think I want to go to school here. And oh my God, it's my scholarship work here. And I decided to go to Georgia and they have more of a broadcast journalism school. And I was actually going to. I was offered a job back in the 1987 when CNN was first starting off to go work as a correspondent. And of course I said, oh, I don't think so. I'm going to move to Vail, Colorado when I graduate and work on my doctorate of waitressing. And so, yeah, I'm pretty much a rebel, I guess I would call myself.

Well, I haven't shared this with you yet, but my wife has your same why. So I'm fairly familiar with what it would be like to be married to you. And the story you're telling me right now is almost exactly her story. So it's.

She must be really cool.

Bring her to Vegas. We'll have a good time.

I will. That's awesome. Okay, so you're now, now you've graduated, you've got your degree in broadcast journalism, and you're a waitress in Vail. So where do you go from there?

Well, so anyway, when I was in. When I was in Vail getting my doctorate of waitressing that we all know is such an important degree to have my manager, I love my manager. He. He really always asked your why, you know what, you know, why are you doing this? What does this mean to you? And I said, I love people. I just love meeting people. I love hearing their story. My very first client when I was waitressing was Howard Head. And I remember saying to him, so why. Why did you create the oversized racket? And he goes, because I couldn't see the ball anymore. Right. Like, I think that too many people don't ask the why Right. They don't realize the juice, the passion that, you know. You know, we always say in the south, if your why don't make you cry, it's not your why. Right? So you need something that brings you to tears. And I decided I was going to get into sports marketing. So I worked for Rossignell and Kemper Snowboards when they said snowboarding was never going to last. And my manager, Kevin Foley, would always sit anybody that had to do with the world of sports at my table. And one day I was waiting on this table full of men and it. And they said, oh, young lady, what do you want to do when you grow up? And I'm like, I'm going to be. I'm getting to sports marketing. They all start, ha, ha, ha. And then they go, what do you mean by that? And I start talking. And then I put on my sass. And it turned out it was the world of sports. It was Mark McCormick, Donald Dell, everybody. You can imagine. At the head of the table was this man named Joe Harper. And he looked at me and he goes, my name is Joe Harper, and I'm general manager of the Del Mar Thoroughbred Club. And I look at him, and I said, where is Del Mar? And he said, you're perfect. And my manager Kevin came up behind me.

And Joe said, when can she start? And my manager goes, I'll have somebody drive her out next week. And I didn't know a soul. I moved to Del Mar, California. I started working at the racetrack, and I loved it. I loved it. I met so many extraordinary people. But as I shared, my parents raised me with very, very strong contribution, values, and what was missing. I loved it. But I think it was the why. Like, I was like, I needed something deeper for my soul. And a friend invited me, goes, look, we're going to go deliver food to the homeless. Do you want to go with us? What I didn't share with you in college, I was coming back from a football game with my friend at the time, and he had bought me this book called Unlimited Power. He goes, oh, my God. Unlimited Power. That's like, so you. Oh, my God. And he bought me the book. I never read the book. I took it with me because the colors were red and black and go, dogs. I just kept the book with me. So my friend in November 1989 said, look, we're going to go deliver food to the homeless. Do you want to go? I'm like, sure, that'd be great. Okay, give me. They gave me an address, and it was a big you know, 10,000 square foot house in Del Mar. But Everybody had a 10,000 square foot house in Del Mar. Just this one happened to be in the shape of a castle. So I go and I meet about 25 people, and we go deliver food to the homeless. And my heart was so full. I was just, like, so purpose driven. It was. It wasn't just like a checklist. It was just like, oh, I feel so alive. And we come back, and I'm walking around the turret of the castle, and I see this guy in Nelson Mandela, this guy in the president. And I started looking through, and I'm like. And I get to a giant shadow box. And I was like, holy doggies. That's that book that, you know, Frank bought me in college. And this guy taps me on the shoulder and he goes, oh, have you read my book? And I'm like, no, but I have it. And it turned out it was Tony Robbins. He was 29 at the time. I was 24. And I went that evening. And where. He invited me to dinner. Like I said, it was a very small group of people. My friend's like, what's she doing here? I'm like, I don't know. That big guy invited me to dinner. And he goes, do you realize, like, where you are? And I'm like, dude, I don't know. There's 25 people here. Whatever. Calm down. He goes, this. This is Robbins Research International. I'm like, all right, whatever. And.

He goes, this is Tony Robbins Company. And I was like, okay, fine. And Tony had each person stand up. And I think when I think about the why, I think about this. He had each person stand up, and he said, I want you to say something that you're grateful for. And I felt my heart sink for a moment. And I said, you know, I'm just grateful to finally met a group of people like this because I didn't think that they were out there. And it's. I think I love what you share. And I was watching your reel and watching, you know, one of your talks, because we get so stuck in the how that we don't. We don't get emotionally charged by that. Why? And I said, you know, I'm just. I feel like I finally met a group of people that are like me, that. That are driven by purpose and are driven by making a difference. And six months later, I ended up going to my first. You know, I went home and went back to work, but I had went back to work with a different. A whole new awareness just of what's really important to me, what kind of people that I really want in my life. And then six months later I went to an event and then they asked me to go work for the company. So that's a little bit of my backstory.

That's amazing. So you've been working for Tony Robbins since all that?

All this time I was working with him. I was working. I still work with him. I still teach a couple seminars a year. I teach about four events a year for him. But now, you know, that's just one part. Whereas before. Right. I had to really look at my why. It's like back then it was like, why I love making a difference. And then when I was asked to launch a program for him in Fiji, that's Poor me. You can all say poor me. That was 2002. I lived in Fiji for two and a half years. I taught over 36 week long programs every year. It was like Groundhog Day. But a new group would come in. It was perfect for me. Right? A new group would come in. I'm like, how can we. But this is great. And then another group would come in and another group would come in. And I'm always looking at how to make it better and what could I do to far exceed people's expectations and blow their mind. And then we lived there for two and a half years and we taught the program in many other countries like in Portugal and in Puerto Rico and Scotland. But I was, remember being there and I was like, I felt like I was hiding out. I asked myself though, like, why am I here? Why am I doing this? And I felt I. I felt like I needed to step into my greatness even more. And that's why I said, I'm going to go back. And this was 2004 and I started launching these events for women. I wrote my first book, the Greatest Love, in 1996, When not yout Everyday Person was writing the book. And then my second book, as you talked about Life Tune Ups, it was in People magazine. And it wasn't a marketing thing. It was just someone saw the book and they loved the book. Then I went on to do a couple other things, but I started to do these, you know, retreats for women. And because I saw a lot of women go like, that was, you know, like great information. But who am I? Like, who am I at my core? Because I think specifically not. And the reason I talk so much about women is because I think as women, we get locked into our roles versus forgetting who we are at our core. Right? We have so many different things that are going on that we don't. We just like, like who am I? Like no matter what stage of life that I'm going through, and that's really what I'm super passionate about, is helping give women that strong certainty of just knowing who they are. So I know that at whatever stage in my life, I'm going to be all right. And I look at my 16 year old daughter and I'm like, yes, she's seen it. She's getting it like so much younger. And that's my passion for women to really own their worth.

So now you do seminars in different parts of the world and they're mainly women.

Yeah. So I just, next time you come back, I'm going to take you. I just did a huge event here in Las Vegas called Own youn Worth and it was a two day event. We did it at the Worry Studios. That's my fourth time doing an event there. We have 5,000 women virtually, we had 300 live, but. And you know, it's really beautiful, Gary. And we get a lot to talk about this, but when I had different men that spoke like two of our sponsors, they spoke about just the difference that their mom made in their lives. And I think so many women need to hear that. I don't think they hear it enough of like the impact that as a mom that they've made to their, to their boys. You know, I believe, my belief is that we need to be the heroes our kids seek in the world. And I know that I've done it. You know, I have a 27 year old son, I have a 27 year old bonus daughter, a 23 year old son and a 16 year old. And you know, when I, when my kids say, you know, thanks Mom, I saw everything that you did, I just don't think, I don't think mom. I don't think moms hear it enough. Moms, grandmas just. I, that's my passion is for, you know, to celebrate those everyday hero, especially women that are out there because I think they're doing a lot of things that, you know, don't seem so sexy most of the time.

Yeah, I completely agree with you. I have two daughters, so a wife and two daughters. And it's, it's different times now than it was when you and I were growing up.

Yep.

And so they're, I think they're better, but maybe still have some room to go.

Yeah, I think that for sure. And I think that, you know, if you look at the way that if you go even further back. There's a poster that I have over there that I've. I didn't realize how much it's been conditioning me my whole life. It's called Women who Run with the Wolves. And. And it talks about this part of the. How important it is for the wild woman to live on, right? Because when we let. When we let that. That wild woman die, like, what happens not just to. To the woman, but to society. And, you know, we've. We've lost that circle. The real women's circle, like, original women's circle, were women of all ages, you know, so you'd have, like, the wise women, and then they would mentor the next generation. And that mentorship. I mean, that, to me, is why, you know, doing this event is so important for me to be able to just bring that energy back and just know that. I mean, like, I was just with my mom. She's. Like I said, She's 87. And the beautiful stories and how much I can learn from her and that we're losing so much history and just to capture the essence at the last event that I did, the one in March, and have to bring your wife and your. Your two girls to the event. But I had a lady who was a Holocaust survivor, and she, you know, I mean, I think a lot of people, we hear about things like it, but I don't know if we really, really get it. Like, her grandfather was coming to. Had already gotten his U.S. citizenship and came over to the United States with his two sons, while his wife didn't want to leave her family in Czechoslovakia, so she stayed in Czechoslovakia. Well, everybody died. The mom, her sister and her went off to Auschwitz, and they were standing in line headed to the gas chamber. And the mom and her sister, they. Her sister was on the left side. She was on the right side. And they took her mom and her sister and they pushed them literally straight into the gas chambers. And she went to the. To the right, and she was running. And she didn't know people were in, like, a uniform or anything. She didn't know what was happening. And she ran into this guy, and he goes, how old are you, little girl? And she said, I'm 14. He said, no, you're not. He goes, from here on, you're 16 years old. And she said, but I never lied. He goes, from now on, you're 16 years old. And so, because she ran into, you know, those divine moments that we talk about and how powerful we have to listen to those divine moments. And so that kept her Alive, you know, running into that man. And. And I, you know, you hear all these stories about what people. The meaning that people take away or their why, right? From. From. From maybe their. Their number from the Holocaust. And I said, so, Lucy, what does that tattoo mean to you? And she said, and it was so interesting. Cause I'd never heard it before. She gave it a whole different meaning. She said, lauren, that meant to me that I was never going in there, meaning she was never going to the gas chamber. She said, I just have to work. And she goes, I need to work. Why? You know, why am I working so hard? Why am I, like, doing whatever? So that I can survive, so that I can tell the story. It's kind of like Viktor Frankl, right, with man's search for meaning is that, you know, why did he survive through all of that? Because someone had to tell the story. And like you said, if we don't help people really discover their why, there they'll be. Tony always talks about something that's called the science of achievement or the art of fulfillment. And I believe, you know, and I love that you're doing this, because I don't. I don't always go, you know, say yes to every podcast. But I love this so much because I see so many people, they're just doing. Going through the motions, and they have no juice in their life. They have, like, I. I wake up every day and I go, today is going to be the best day of my life again. Who am I going to meet? Who am I going to serve? Who am I going to run into? What's distinction am I going to make? And I feel that that's what you're doing here is exactly what you're doing. I know. I was looking at some of your interviews. I know Dave Sanderson very well. I've known Dave probably 30 years. And when that happened, when the crash happened on the Potomac, I mean, that took Dave's life to a whole different level and really brought that juice out for him. And Brad Sugars, I know a lot of these people, and. And it's. It's usually something that happens that you just get to that point, you go, that is it. I'm no longer settling for how I've always done my life. So I want to. I want to wake people up, shake them up, wake them up. That's why when I talk about doing an intervention, my job is not just to love on, you know, just be all nice and sweet. It's like, let's wake the freaking up. Because too many People have fallen asleep at the wheel of life, especially now. And I think that, you know, it's like the hunger, you know, we got to get that hunger back in people to just say, you know, we didn't. Like, really, like, okay, the past couple years have been hard, but it's been really like, that hard. Like, compared to what? Like.

She survived typhus twice. You know, if you were to hear some of these things, I mean, like you said, when you give it more meaning, when you give your why more meaning, you're. You'll. You'll wake up with a sense of like, I gotta go out there and share or do my vision or whatever that it is for you. So sorry, I kept talking.

No, not at my head. What was that moment for you that you realized, I gotta work with women, I gotta wake them up. I gotta get them to know that their value and own their worth. What was the home you.

I think I've had many moments. I think I've had many moments, but the big one was when I would see people. And you know this. I am so grateful for events and seminars, but I see a lot of people when self help becomes self help, right? And they don't go back. And we say, what you do after the event is more important than what you do at the event, which also has to do with the people that you hang around. I think your environment means so much. So we don't talk enough about environment and community and keeping that going and setting those boundaries of what kind of people you're going to surround yourself with. But the first moment was, like I said, like, I saw these women, like, learning a lot of information and go, that was great, but who am I? And getting them back to their core. I talk about that. There's four different stages that we go through. There's the discovering who you are, right? And then there's the staying true stage where you feel good and this is great. Oh, my God, I know who I am. You think you know everything in the world and you're not, you know what I'm talking about, out. And you're not gonna listen to anybody because you know everything. And then there's the. You either get married, have kids, job, change something. You're like, holy doggies, I gotta rediscover who we are. I see a lot of, you know, a lot of people in their 30s, 40s, even 15, like, who am I? Like, who am I? They have to rediscover that stage. And then there's this stage that I'm probably in, right? Now the kind of I don't give a. You know what I know who I am is that staying connected to who you are. And it's like somebody called today, she goes, oh, my friend's like, oh, my God. Like you're gonna just say, you know, I hope you're not, you know. And I was like, nothing. I know every day I say to myself, I know who I am. I know what I stand for. I know my intentions are good. I know that I'm here to serve the greater good. So I do believe the power of incantations are. Are. Are a must for people. I believe what you say first thing. So what was. So that was one of the. One of the distinctions when I see that. Another was when. When everybody told me that I wasn't going to be able to. I was on the road about 185 days a year with my two boys, and I traveled with them, one here, one here, one, or whatever. And it was like, oh, there's no way you're going to be on the road and do a great job and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, I will find a way, you know? And I, I did. And I feel that I inspired a lot of people. I think the other thing was when we went to. When Tony asked me to launch the program in Fiji 20, whatever, 22 years ago, and then it was like. And I felt really cool about it because I do feel it inspired a lot of everyday women that, oh, she can be on the stage and she can make a difference so that you don't have to be 6 foot 7 to make an impact, right? That you can. And to really stay true to my style. I don't. I would do no service to the world if I ran around trying to be a little Tony Robbins, right? And he wouldn't want that. My job is to be my best me. And I'm an everyday woman that's dealing with all challenges. Getting my daughter to ice skating, picking this one up, sending that to my son, doing that, and just really in the trenches. So that was a big thing. And then the other was just seeing.

You know, the bullying between women. I just never got it that the, you know, they talk about the bullying and harassment of women to women. Women tearing each other down. And that is not the way they. The only way the world's going to get better is if women really pull together. I really believe that. I feel like that the world needs a big hug, right? And that's that feminine energy. And not just women, but everybody has that feminine energy. But we need to open up that kind of compassion and love and empathy to just understand and appreciate each other's world. Many years ago, how many years ago was it? Probably like 16 years ago, Madonna did a movie, and it's called I am because we are. And it's basically your pain across the world is still my pain. There is no separation there. You know, the. They talk about that. You either do one of two, two things. You're either adding light to the world or you're adding darkness to the world. Every time you say something nice, you add light to the world. Every time you say something not so nice, you add darkness to the world. And I think if people could just stick with those basic principles, man. And same thing, women too. Like, every time you say something nice to your yourself, you're being a great example. Every time you're not saying nice, something nice to yourself. And I think just really giving. You know what I found about owning my worth is that you say setting boundaries is a really important thing. Or maybe it's reclaiming your space in the world, but just saying it and just like, it is what it is. And I think that that's my husband. I really. I remember what he said once. He goes, I don't need your kids to love me. I need your kids to respect me. I didn't really understand that at first until I'm like, you know what? That makes a lot of sense. And I think that having that respect for yourself is owning your worth, right? Knowing that you are enough, that knowing that. And I don't mean just knowing you are enough in the la di da way. I mean, like, I'm a freaking catch. I wake up every day, I'm a freaking catch, man. I have so much experience. I have so much great things. I have so many amazing stories. But not just me. I want every person to wake up and do that and. And really, like, yeah, I'm the you know what? So there you go.

How do you help women.

Own their worth? How do you help them figure out what their worth is? How do you help them get past the I'm not good enough? How do you help them get to the point where they think, like, you are? Like, what you just said, like, well, I think.

I think there's a couple things I can't help them, right? Like, I can. I can assist them. I can be an inspiration, and I can bring in people that are inspirations, right? It's like, I hate the word motivation, because only you can motivate yourself to Go to the gym. I can tell you to go to the gym. I can inspire you by being that example. You can inspire all of us to do a beautiful podcast and everything that you're doing. But I can, you know, provide the resources. I can be a resource for you, I think. You know, I'm working on my new book right now and it's. I, after all of these years being the trans, I've realized it comes down to a couple of things. One, it comes down to the rituals that you do, for sure. As I share with you, I wake up every day and I say, today is going to be the best day of my life again. Little did I know that Barbie said that as well. I guess, I guess that's it. Is that, is that the best day ever? I don't know. I didn't see the movie, but I have. I literally for 25 years have said, today is going to be the best day of my life again. Second thing is I do. And I. It might sound corny to people, but let me tell you something. I do this with CEOs of companies and everyday parents or kids that are in school, I teach the same thing. The basics are the basics, right? Like my husband and I are doing dual lingo right now, right? And we're doing it as if my, you know, a kid was learning it that's 5 years old or us that's 58 years old, right? Basics are the basics. Do not, I think too many people poo poo the basics about things. So one are the rituals that you do. So let's talk about that. And then you're hearing a lot more about it. Now. I think with people, I believe that it's what you say first thing, that when you wake up in the morning and then I do my I am statements. I'm loving, I'm honest, I'm passionate, I'm compassionate, I'm kick ass, I'm full of faith, I'm God's girl. I'm too murder tight. I'm a sexy salsa dancer. I'm a great coach. I'm, you know, I'm hilarious. And nobody can take it away from me unless I give it to them. So you're asking, like, what happens? We give our power away, right? I don't ever give my power away. I'm like, I know. And I go back to that whole thing. I know who I am, I know what I stand for. And I like, stick with it. It is ingrained in me of my I am statements for me. And I like tap myself And I anchor myself and I know it, I know it to be true. So I would say it's those type of things. I also have a code of conduct today. What can I do to appreciate something in nature to be a better wife than I was, to help those who want to be helped, to, you know, to always stay true to who I am. So I come up with my code of conduct and like those are my, my boundaries. If you would. So rituals, whatever your rituals are that you do.

My.

We have another one I could work on all day, all night, all whatever. I love to work, I'd love to create. But my husband, he's like, that's it, six o', clock, it's done, it's off, it's, we're done. You don't get to talk to any of your people, you know, get getting on your phone. I'm like, oh my God. But what it's, is it's helped me. I've always done block timing. It's helped me be more efficient. And it's, it's a beautiful ritual, right? Another ritual I remember when my. I think you have rituals also require you speaking up for what you want. Like God bless my kid's dad. But I did not ask for what I wanted and what I needed because I was a pleaser, I'm sure. Like I'm the only person on here that was a pleaser, right? Not so when my, when I met my husband, he says what I think guys are really simple. If we would just. I love men, I respect men so very much and.

But I think you guys just need to be told what to do, right? Like I mean, just simple, you're simple creatures. And so my. And, and then you want to just know what you can do to win, right? So to make your lady happy or whomever. And I remember when I first met my husband and I said I need flowers. And he goes, and he heard he needs flower, that I need flowers. And for the past 12 years that we've been together, I get flowers every Friday. Whether it's a photo of the flower, whether it's a flower, a picture of a flower from our backyard. But he gets to win. My guy gets to win, right? And guess what happened when my daughter got in a relationship. She, I'm not saying it's all about flowers, but guess what? She told the story to the boyfriend. And then he said, do you want flowers? And she goes, yes, I'd like flowers. And so now here you see this little 16 year old that her boyfriend now has a Win, you know, just I think that we, as women, we don't think you have to, you have to say what you need that's going to make you feel good. I wasn't fair to my kid's dad because I didn't, I didn't speak up, I didn't tell him what I really needed to, to feel happy. It doesn't have to be something materialistic, but it was just. Or if you go back to the love languages, I'm quality time. I love quality time with people. And then ever so every time that he would say, oh, go do your thing, go on the road, go do this, in my head I went, oh my God, he doesn't want to be with me. Where he thought he was just supporting me. So I think owning your worth is speaking up, right? And always doing it with elegance and grace. I'm not talking about being, you know what, I'm talking about doing it with elegance and grace. And I think so I think owning your worth is also. So that's a big thing that I would say, one is your rituals. Two, it's the questions that you ask, you know, like if you keep saying to yourself, why am I not good enough? You know, compared to what? Like, what does that really mean? Instead of saying, you know, how can I love and appreciate who I am and what I stand for? What is something wonderful that I've done today? You know, who loves me? I think questions, we always say questions are the answers. So I think that helping you ask better questions is a really important things as well. The other is I had the opportunity at this pass on your worth event is I had a girl, she started jiggy puzzles. They're puzzles with purpose. And she was on Shark Tank. She got funded by Mark Cuban. And when I had her, we talked about, you know, where do you start on a puzzle? Where do you start on a puzzle? When you start on a puzzle, Gary, where do you start?

I try to start at a corner, right?

So you start on the boundaries, right? So you start on the boundaries. That boundaries gives you some framework with regards to everything. And I think that boundaries are important for everything, right? So, you know, you go from state to state based on the boundaries of it. And then you can play within the middle part, like me being all crazy and changing up. But I do like to know the boundaries of it. So setting those boundaries. And then also, once again, you know, the people, I have a list I call my nifty 50. Those are the top 50 people that I would do anything for in the world. Now that list changes. And I'm always constantly evaluating, you know, like, how do they make me feel? Literally, I. And this might sound really crazy, but this is something that I've done this past month. I've written down every conversation that I've had, and how does it make me feel when I'm off the call with that person? I'm giving it a number.

0 to 10. Did I feel great? And I'm reevaluating, like, where I really spend my time, who I spend my time with, who I feel like I'm kissing, You know, what to. I don't know about you. I've. Like, sometimes I feel like, oh, my God. Like, again, Lauren, like, seriously. And that, you know, and I've been catching myself and, and which, which. Which conversations feel really authentic, which people that I followed up with that they kept saying, let's get together, let's get together. Like, I loved your communication with me, right? Because it's like, you didn't go, well, this way. We'll check in in four and a half weeks, and then let's check again and then we'll do this and we'll do that. Like, I'm like, oh, my God. Like, can we just go do it? Like, let's do it. Let's schedule it. Let's get it done. Let's go. So, like, I gave our. Our text conversation a 10 plus, because that made me feel good. Like, I knew that you were going to. You did what you said going to do. I went to the site, Everything was prepared, everything was great. I'm like, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. And I don't think we check in enough. I don't think we check in enough. I think we. Keith Cunningham always says something beautiful. He says, you can't track what you don't measure. Right? So measure. How do you feel when you're doing your job?

Do you need to go back and ask your why. Why are you doing this in the first place? Right. Or do you need to. How do you feel at the end of the day? I just think that we need to track more.

You know, Lauren, I can tell you and I could go on and on, and I would love to, but I know we just have a little bit more time. And what I'd love to kind of finish with is what's the best piece of advice that you've ever been given or the best piece of advice you've ever given?

Hmm.

I would probably say the best piece of advice that I've ever been given.

Probably. I remember it was Bob Proctor. Bob Proctor. When I wrote my first book, the Greatest Love, and I said, bob, I don't get it, I go, why are people excited for me? Like, if my friend wrote a book and it was with a major publisher, I'd be so excited for them. And he goes, lauren, it's not that they're not excited for you. They're afraid that you're going to leave them behind and you're going to find a whole new group of people. So have empathy for them and understanding that they, you know, what people crave is love and connection and make sure that you let them know, like, what you're doing, where things are at. And I think the other thing, and my whole thing is always you ask yourself the question. Like, this is my question that I always ask myself, which is, if I say yes to this, am I staying true to myself? If I say yes, like, if I say yes to this interview, am I staying true to myself? And if the answer is yes, then I'll do it. If the answer is no, then it's a hard no. It's either. My. My friend Jeff says either give it a strong yes or a strong no, but no wishy washy dilly dally stuff in the morning. Get serious. Your life. We got this. There is no dress rehearsal. Let's do this. Let's play big. Let's go help a lot of people.

Wow, you. You know, I love the way you think, and I love the questions that you're asking yourself, and I love that you spend time thinking about it instead of just kind of doing. You are more intentional about the way you live, which is a hard thing to do, I think, because you're always reflecting on what worked, what didn't work, what can I do better? How can I improve it? How can I make more fun? All that.

Always. I am always. I think that living intentionally is definitely. I think that in my. Especially over the past, you know, four years, I think that that is really big, a bit big demand. Like, very intentional with all the actions that I take, the people that I surround myself with. If I'm going to put good food in here, I better be putting good food up here, right? So. And so many of us are putting premium fuel in my car. I better be putting premium fuel in my head. So, yeah, that's it. I'm. Any way that I can support. You know, I think that we are so blessed that there are so many great opportunities now, like podcasts like this, where people can hear such great information. Your podcasts are wonderful. So I look forward to listening to more of them.

Thank you. And now if there are people that are listening and they want to follow you Lauren, they want to learn more about seminars that you're doing. They want to hear more about own your worth. What's the best way for them to connect with you and get in touch with you or your organization?

Thank you. So they can go to I am Lauren Lahav L O R E N Lahav L A H A V is on Instagram and they can, they can Type in their invite 23 and then they could possibly win a set of the IM cards or a or one of the own your worth live live tickets if they go and put it in byte 23 just because I really like you and I think you're really cool and I want to see like how serious your people are. Do you want me to do this? Because I'll do something. I'll do something really big. Those people that go in and do invite 23 on Instagram or on my on my Facebook is just Lauren Lahav when they go there they do invite 23. They are going to get a on your worth ticket when it when it for virtual ticket and it'll, it'll give them some kind of thing this and it'll ask for the code. And so we're just going to have the code be Gary. The code is going to be Gary. So when they put in there Gary. When they put the code Gary in there then they're going to get their virtual ticket. And the website is own your worth experience.com they can learn all about it and thank you for having me. Um, also anything that they see on my page on lauren lahop.com all the products that I have up there, I donate all of the proceeds of the products that are on there to help this. There's a school here and we do monthly birthday parties for them. All these kids have never had a birthday. So the kids that are in August, we'll have a birthday party for them and then we will have one for each month of the year. And all of the, all of the proceeds will go to the outlet school and hopefully they'll be able to do more schools. All schools around the the United States. How about that? That's my.

That's awesome. When is your next event?

The next event? Well, I'm getting ready this weekend as you know to go to Albert not Albuquerque Sedona for my mastermind. I have a group of 20 women that are joining us. But the next event I'm doing a speaker training for women in November. And then we're doing a the own your worth big event next March. So that's march the night. 10th, 9th and 10th, I think. 8th, 9th and 10thth, something like that. Yeah. In Vegas. So you better come. I'll be there with your girls.

Yeah, that sounds great. Well, Lauren, thank you so much for taking the time to be here today. Really enjoyed. I knew it was going to be a great conversation and I love all the information that you shared. And now I'm fired up. Now you got me motivated.

I'm excited. Well, thank you so much, Gary, and have a wonderful day and stay true to the amazing, awesome rock star that you are, too.

Thank you very much.

I really hope you enjoyed today's episode and that through today's guest, you heard how important it is to know your why and how impactful it can be in your life and the lives of those around you. Be sure to head over to why institute.com and discovery, your why today. Remember, the more you know about yourself, the more you'll know about others. I'm Dr. Gary Sanchez and I'll see you on the next episode.