The Search for "Good Enough"

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Welcome to beyond you'd why podcast, where we go beyond just talking about your why and actually helping you discover and live your why. So if you haven't yet discovered your why, go to whyinstitute.com, discover your why, and then come back and the podcast will have that much more meaning for you when you know your why. And so if you've listened to our podcast, you know that every week I, I talk about a particular why, and then I bring somebody on with that why. And so this week I've got a really, really special guest for you. We're going to be talking about the why of Better Way because my guest for you is actually my daughter. She's 21 years old. She goes to Colorado State University. She's majoring in interior architecture, and she happens to be home this weekend. And so when I speak at events around the country, I often get questions from parents about their children, the benefit of knowing their why as they have to make decisions on what school to go to and what career to pick and how this all fits together. So I thought, what better way than to bring on my daughter because she discovered her why a few years ago before she went to college, so we can have a conversation about that and you can see how it's played out in her life. So I want to introduce you to my daughter. Her name is Jacqueline Sanchez. She goes by Q. So welcome. Q.

Thank you.

So let's start first by talking about what it was like for you when you discovered your why. How about before you knew your why versus after you knew your why?

I think before I knew my why, I was just very confused on, you know, why I would get really stressed out about certain things or why. I don't know, just maybe the decisions I would make would be different from other people or why I would think certain things. And then I think right before college, when I found out about the why, and my why was to find a better way, it just made so much more sense to why I would think about certain things or get so caught up in a certain train of thought or something like that, and then it just made a lot more sense about who I was and then helped me make decisions later on and with clarity and understanding myself more for sure.

So give us an example of that. Let's talk about high school. What were some. What were some things that you noticed where it helped you as you went through the cause? High school is challenging, right?

Yes, for sure.

High school for everybody, especially for teenage girls, is very challenging. And so how specifically did it help you? Give us an example.

I think since it is, my why is to find a better way.

I think for me, I was just constantly trying to find the best school to go to, and I never felt like I went to two different high schools. And the first one I went to was just didn't feel like it was me. It didn't feel like I was, you know, living my best life in high school. I wasn't doing all the things that I wanted to do. It didn't feel like a better way to use my time. And so I felt like I had to be proactive about using these years in high school, so I wanted to find a better way. And so I switched high schools my junior year, which a lot of people would say is pretty crazy and risky, but I wanted to do it because I just felt like I wasn't in a good spot where I was. And so I made the switch, and it was the best thing I'd ever did, and I'm so glad I did. But I think it's because of my why and that I had this drive to find the best for me, that it wasn't. I wasn't gonna just sit back and wait for something to happen. I was just. I wanted to make it happen for myself. So I think that was, for sure, something that I saw in high school.

How important was it for you to have clarity in high school? I mean, because I know there was a time when you didn't have clarity. And then I could just see it in your face. I could see it in the way you walked. I could see it in the way you talked about. I could see you had words to express what you were thinking and feeling once you discovered your why. And what was that like for you, as opposed to maybe how some of your friends handled the same things.

Right. I think that it was very freeing to all of a sudden put words to, you know, who I was and the way that I thought if I knew. I'm constantly thinking about to finding a better way. It wasn't just. I was always, you know, not feeling like this was good enough or something like that. It was more just like I was. This is how I thought, and I had clarity and freedom and peace knowing that this was okay. It was just How I was, and I learned how to figure it out. But it was a lot. It was a lot better to know that this was how I was feeling and I could put words to it and put a title to it, instead of just floating in this abyss of my thoughts, not knowing, you know, why I would make these decisions versus my friends, where I had no really idea of what they were doing or what they were thinking, but I had some clarity and peace knowing that that was the case.

So are you saying high school girls don't know how to make every decision? Is that what you're trying to say?

Yeah, I guess I kind of am.

Well, you know, one of the challenges for everybody listening, one of the challenges that better way people have is actually making decisions. And it can drive you crazy trying to figure out, why can't I make a freaking decision? And I saw that with you and, you know, tell us about that.

Yeah, that has always been my biggest struggle, for sure, is making decisions, because I always wonder if something else is going to be better, if the grass is going to be greener on the other side. So I think for me, that was a huge struggle, especially, you know, my senior year of high school, wondering what college to go to. I was so stressed about making that decision and, you know, everything that goes into that, where I wanted to live and stuff like that. So I think it was so hard not knowing what the best way was for me. And so that can be kind of a challenge with my why and just with this why in general. I'm sure you can say the same thing. But, yeah, that was definitely hard to figure out at first and to navigate. But I think I've definitely done a lot better of a job knowing that and just trying to use that to my advantage. But it was for sure stressful and kind of frustrating to learn about myself in the beginning. But. Yeah.

So one of the another thing to think about is once you know your why, that doesn't mean that your life is now going to be perfect. That doesn't mean that all the challenges that you have with your why are suddenly going to go away. What it does is it gives you an understanding of why those things happen in your life. I mean, my why is also to find a better way. And I struggle still with decisions. It doesn't mean that because I know my why of being a better way is going to change all that, but it just allows me to understand how it feels that I'm going to struggle with decisions and there are ways around them for us. And how did you figure out a way around making decisions or to actually make a decision. What was the method that you've used?

I think the method that I've used was realizing that not everything that I pick is going to be the best, but it is still going to be good enough. It's still going to be good, and there's still joy and value in that no matter what. So I think just kind of learning to be okay with this decision that I make and making peace with that, giving myself a time limit or a deadline or something to kind of finalize that feeling and knowing, telling myself that this is when you have to make this decision by and it's going to be okay and you're not going to be able to think about it after this time point. And I think that that really helped me make a decision and be okay with that. Going through this process and telling myself these things definitely helped give me peace.

See, what you said right there was really, really critical. For those of you that are listening, what she just said was, you know, what better way people are looking for is actually good enough. Good enough until we say, okay, that's good enough, then it's not good enough. And we'll keep going and keep going and keep going. The end game for a better way person is good enough. And so it's interesting how you've been able to utilize that to your advantage, because to be honest, I still struggle with that. And pretty much every better way person I know struggles with that is knowing that every decision doesn't have to be perfect. Every decision doesn't have to be the best of the best. It just has to be good enough to move things forward. Is that what you're saying?

Yeah, that's exactly what I'm saying.

You figured that out at age 20, 21, and a lot of people don't figure that out until they're age 81. So has it been nice for you to realize this stuff at such an early age?

Yes, absolutely. Especially going into college and then being in college, knowing myself so much more has been very, very helpful.

I definitely see the confidence in you. I definitely see the ability to pick the right career for you. You have a way to make decisions, right? A way to know what lane you should be playing in?

Yeah, definitely.

So how did that play out when it came time for you to pick a major or pick a career?

Mm, I think for me, I came into college knowing kind of what I wanted to do, which was interior design. Interior architecture. And I was pretty sure about that until I didn't know what anything else was. And I started freaking myself out, always thinking, is this the best path for me? Is this good enough? And I had kind of a mid college crisis, if you will, in my sophomore year and kind of freaking out, wondering if this was the right path for me. But then for me, I had kind of a different experience where I had to. It took getting out of it to really appreciate being back in it. And that's just kind of the path that my experience took me to. But I think really I knew that this was the better way for me when I realized that nothing else was what I was good at, what I wanted to do. And so now I know that this is definitely the best way because I saw what everything else kind of was. And so I think that was the path that I need to take. But it's kind of different for every person. But I think like, wanting to know, to find the better way in college can be kind of hard, especially with major changes because you can go in and out of one, not putting enough effort into it, not knowing if it really is the best one. So that can be really challenging. But I think luckily for me, you know, I. I had a good two years under my belt knowing that I wanted. That I didn't know if I wanted to do interior design, but I knew enough about it to make that decision knowing that this was good enough and. And luckily I fell back in love with it. So for me it just. It happened to work out well.

Because you actually quit the major.

Yeah, I did.

You. She, you started as interior design. We're in the design program.

Yeah.

You quit after two years? Two years. Got out, said, don't want to do this. There's got to be something better.

Yeah.

And then you got out and started doing what?

Fashion.

So then you were into fashion. You did that for how long?

Five weeks.

Five weeks. And then you had to what, beg your way back in?

Yes, I had to beg all my teachers to let me back in. Five weeks after the school. Five weeks into the school semester. And I didn't, which has never happened before, I guess, in this major because you have to get back in to it with enough GPA and all this stuff. And it was just crazy. But luckily I was very grateful to have amazing teachers that knew my work ethic and knew who I was to luckily let me back in.

So what was the defining moment? What made you say, wait a second, this is not what I should have been doing?

I think when I just felt like it wasn't the better way, I Just.

Knew in my mind what made you feel that.

That I could be doing something better for it. I could be making.

A more impact interior design, that I could be making better work in interior design, and that I would be. Have a better life doing that. I think in the future. It didn't make sense doing what I was doing for so many different reasons, and it made so much more sense to go back into interior design for me.

So I think what finally happened? You woke up and what was the defining moment? What, you were sitting there in your dorm or in your apartment, I guess, at this point? Or were you in the sorority at that point and you were what. What finally happened that said, huh? This just doesn't seem like what I should be doing. I shouldn't have ever gotten out of this. I made a mistake.

I think it was just because I. The only thing I could see myself doing in the future was design and interior design.

And so you were in search of a better way, which led you to. Not a better way, which led you back to the right way.

The best way.

The best way. Ah, yeah. I could see that happening to a lot of better way people. So, you know, for those of you that are listening that your why is not better way, there's that constant struggle that we all have who have this why of never being satisfied, never being content, always trying to find something better, always looking around the corner and thinking, I wonder if that's better than what I'm doing. And not necessarily being attached to what you're doing now because, you know, something else might come along that's better. Right. So it's hard to sometimes stick with things because you're in search of something better. Right. That's very accurate, and we all live with that. And what you've said was so critical, which is going from it has to be the best to going from to it's good enough. Mm. It's good enough to move me forward to where I can make my next decision or my next move.

Yeah.

So why did you pick interior architecture?

I picked interior architecture because. Well, one, I've always been really creative, but it allowed me to really get the best of both worlds with my why and my creativity and being technical at the same time. I've always kind of excelled academically, and so I wanted to do something that would challenge me, but also allow me to be really creative and allow me to find a better way for people. So I think interior design and architecture really allows me to do that because I take something that's already pretty good or okay. And I make sense out of it for people, and I make it the best, and I make it. I find a better way for people to live and find a better way for others to experience spaces and design and to appreciate it more. And so I think that that's something that I've always loved doing without even knowing it. And interior design just lets me do that creatively and with so much fun and passion. And it's. It's just a really awesome career that. That is perfect for my. Why. Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, so when you think about it, interior architecture is taking. You get to live your why of finding a better way through your career, because that is.

Making things better.

It literally is.

Right? So when what you do is in line with why you do what you do, you will have passion for what you do. So let me say that again. If what you choose to do is in line with. With why you do what you do, your why you will have passion for what you do. That's where passion comes from. And passion is the fuel that gives you the energy to pursue your dreams. Without passion, you don't have anything. Without energy, you don't have anything. So you got to have passion to stick with it when times get tough, because times will always get tough. Without that passion, you'll just flounder or you'll quit. And so that's why it's so nice for you to know that you've picked a career where you're gonna get to live your why.

Yeah, definitely.

Now, I'm sure you've had friends, you've had dorm mates, you've had sorority sisters who are not sure of what to do.

Yeah.

And how's that working for them?

I think it's a lot more challenging for them because.

I have a couple friends that do know their why and it has been helpful for them. And then I have a couple friends that have. That I don't think have taken the why app and stuff like that. And they are just, you know, really following their feelings and this idea of following your heart and stuff, which really nobody understands. And so I think they've just kind of had to go with their gut at times or go with what maybe they're excelling at academically and not as much what they're passionate about. And so I think that can get people in a huge problem later on, or maybe they're following this idea of what is going to make the most money later on. But maybe I'm not necessarily really passionate about. And I think when you have both of those or when you have passion that aligns, you know, with what you're doing, like you said, is really the sweet spot. And so I have friends that don't, you know, have that feeling and don't know their why and isn't in line with what they're doing. And, and it's just every single day they're just pulling teeth to go to class and to do all these things. They're not enjoying it versus me and some of my other friends are really finding purpose in class and really want to do these things because there is a purpose behind it and there is passion because you see that it's in line with the way that you think and our why.

So let's go back for a minute because I'm kind of envisioning parents listening to this with their, their kids, their high school kids, their college age students. And when you're in high school and you're faced with the decision when you were in high school and you were faced with the decision of making choice of where you wanted to go to school, how were you supposed to do that? What was the advice that you were given and did it work?

Honestly, that is the biggest struggle as a high school student and a high school senior is because there are so many great options. And I chose Colorado State for many different reasons, just because it was close to family and it was beautiful and it luckily had the thing that I was loved and passionate about, which I didn't really think about until later on, but I was just lucky that it was there. But when I was looking for schools, people would tell me, go where they have this best program or whatever, which is helpful. But I mean, as a high school senior, you really have no idea what you want to do. You may you completely change your mind so many different times. And so I don't think that's necessarily the most helpful thing. I think when you are making that decision, it should be a lot more about.

Kind of a bunch of different things of like, are there multiple different really strong programs that I could go into of things that I'm interested in not? And like, do they have this one thing that I might change or something of that nature and maybe not getting too focused on one particular program or something like that. But for me it was hard because there were a lot of different universities that I wanted to go to and a lot of really awesome places that I think I would have thrived at. And so I think it's not like you have to pick one and there's only one specific place for you, which I don't think there was one specific place for me either. I think I would have done great at multiple. So. Which does make the pressure a lot like it lightens the load for sure. But I think that, you know, wherever students pick is the place for them, but it's hard to narrow that down because there are so many. So I think just like giving yourself time and grace in that decision making process because, you know, it's not, it might not be perfect and you can always change too. So.

So essentially you're kind of back to the same thing of they're all going to be good enough.

I think so. I mean, yeah, I could have gone to so many different ones and they would have been great. But I picked this one and it worked out. But who's to say it wouldn't have been great at a different place?

So the stress that you're under to pick the perfect college may be overrated.

I think for sure.

Because wherever you go, that's going to be where you should have been and you'll find your way through it to. As long as it offers some things that you're interested in.

Yeah.

And then once you're there, you're faced at some point with figuring out, okay, what's my major, what's my career path? Do they have, you know, so in your case, you were able to realize that something at a certain stage that the choice that you made isn't right in line with how you think.

Yeah.

And so it fit you. So for those that are listening right now that don't have any idea what they want to do, they're, you know, freshmen finishing their freshman year, finishing their sophomore year and they're stressed because I remember being in that position myself and now I've got to figure out, okay, what am I going to do with the rest of my life? Holy cow.

I don't know my why yet. What would you recommend they do?

Definitely take the why app for sure. I mean, that's the first step, is just knowing yourself a little bit more to really line up your why with your career path or maybe a career you're thinking about to see if you can jump ship if it's not the right thing. Or maybe it just gives you more confidence to know that you are going in the right direction.

But once you know your why, so many of the decisions that you're faced with become so much easier, don't you think?

Yes, I think so.

I mean, you, what it does for you is it gives you the lane to play in and the ability to make a decision and say, look, if I go this way, let's say your why is better way like ours is. It'll be the same for any of the why's. But I'm just using that as the example. It tells you that if this career that I'm picking is not going to allow me to spend my days finding better ways to do things for people, then I'm probably not going to have passion for it. So get out now instead of sticking it out because you started it, right. Sticking out because you started it, started it. Leading you to a place that you can't recover from very easily is not the way to go.

Right.

I have a patient, my dental practice, and he and I were talking about three years ago, he was telling me the path that he was going to go on and his why was to do things the right way and very sharp kid, very sharp dressed kid. And he told me what he was going to do. He was going to work for.

A detention center, working with kids at night and actually more just like monitoring them at night because he wanted to make some money. I said, gosh, you know, I just don't see that as the career where you're going to get to live your why? Well, he wanted to, you know, make some money. And I said, here, let me just tell you what happens to a lot of people. What happens to them is they just pick something and they get started down that path and then they get invested into it because they put time into it. Then they start accumulating things. Well, I got to get a new car, I got to get an apartment, I got to buy new this, I got to buy a new that, and then they get a boyfriend or girlfriend and then they get married and then they start having kids. Now they've got kids, house, spouse, lots of overhead, lots of responsibilities, and they hate the career choice they made.

Now what are they going to do? Now they're stuck in it for many years because they can't get out. That's exactly what this kid did. Exactly. He was just in my office last week, just had a baby, hasn't gotten married yet, but just had a baby, got a house, got all the stuff in a career that he hates. You don't want to do that. That's a very challenging and oftentimes miserable way to go. So right now you have the opportunity to discover your why. Take a step back and look and see does my career choice allow me to live my why? If it does, wonderful. If it doesn't, change it.

That what you would say, yes, definitely, very important right now.

And even if that means postponing things for a while, even if that means taking an extra year or taking an extra two years, at least you're gonna end up on the right career path.

So yours is interior architecture. So where do you want to go with that? What do you see in your future?

I think in my future, I would just love to work under a couple designers to really understand the industry. See if I want to do residential hospitality, kind of figure that out after graduation and just work for some really awesome designers. And then maybe eventually I would love to open my own practice and kind of do my own design at some point for either hospitality, residential, kind of see where that takes me. But yeah, really just working with architects, designers to help people find a better way for their space, a better way to live, to really enjoy the space that they're in. So that's kind of just the plan to finish up school and then see where design takes me.

Well, what are you doing your senior thesis on?

So, my senior honors thesis, I'm doing it on coffee shop design, which I'm really excited about because I'm geek out over coffee shops always, since I was in high school. And so I'm basically conducting this study of third place, where I study a bunch of coffee shops around town in Albuquerque, Colorado, kind of all over any place that I really am. And I evaluate each coffee shop based on the selected criteria, things like music, lighting, seating, and really just trying to evaluate each coffee shop based on these, the specific criteria and evaluating them. And then once I'm done with evaluating all these different coffee shops, I will take this data to figure out what I think is the best coffee shop, and then probably designing my own after that to really see it come full circle at the end. So I'm really excited about that.

So you're taking something that's already there, you're studying it to where you can do it as good as they can, and then you're going to find a better way. And that's, in essence, what the why of better way is all about. And if you were to have had the opportunity that I have to have kind of followed Jacqueline's life so far, that's the same thing that happens over and over and over and over. And so when it comes time to finding a designer to work for, I'm sure she's going to find the best designers.

Work for them until she figures out how they're doing it, and then find even a better way to do it. And that's how the mind of a better way person works. That's how I think. That's how everyone else who has that why thinks. So if you're looking for somebody to help you find a better way, go to somebody who has the why of better way. So, Jacqueline, thank you for staying up late with me. Thank you for. She's about to drive back to college tomorrow morning.

Yes.

But I cornered her and said, I want to have you on my podcast so that other college age kids and parents see what's possible, see what they go through. I mean, I personally have noticed the level of her confidence skyrocket as she's sure of the decisions that she's making, sure of the lane that she's supposed to play in. You know what these conversations are that are going on in her brain? They're confusing, very confusing. Unless you know your why. And then they start to make sense. Right. And when you can make sense out of it, then you can start to use it. You become less concerned about what the heck is going on in my head to. Oh, I see what's going on in my head now. How can I use this to my advantage? It's there whether you know what it is or not. But once you know your why, then you get to use it to your advantage to make better decisions, to get on the right career path, to find the best path for you. And that's what I've seen happen with my daughter and my other daughter as well, who you're going to meet probably in the near future. So, Jaclyn, thank you for being here and we'll keep everybody posted as you go along in your journey.

Yes. Thank you so much for having me.

Have a, Have a good rest of your week, everybody. Thank you.