WHY NOT Wednesday! with Melissa Stephens

These last few years have made us question everything.

Our relationships.

Our jobs.

What constitutes an.

Office.

And who we are.

In a.

World filled with chaos, confusion and uncertainty. It's time for some clarity. It's time to start understanding one another.

It's time to start understanding ourselves.

We envision a world where everyone knows their why. But even more, we envision a world where everyone knows their why. O s, their why, their how and their what. The operating system that drives you, that lets the world know where you stand.

What your unique gift is, and most importantly, who you are.

Yos.

Are you ready?

Hello everyone and welcome to why Not Wednesday. We have a fun show for you today. I'm going to introduce you guys to Melissa, who is Melissa Stevens, who is a former best kept leadership secret, who's turned coach, business alchemist in your pocket, who transform your biz, transforms your business from stagnant chaos to serenity on fire. Even the name has me excited. Serenity on Fire. She's a certified professional business and peak performance coach who specializes in business management. Not for profit management, project management, developing teams, corporate leadership development. I mean she's, she's got the total package. She works with alpha entrepreneurs who are ready to elevate and expand, banish burnout, shift from burning everything down to creatively building from their biggest vision and desire while repairing the cracks in their foundation and refusing to settle with where they are. So are you guys ready to meet Melissa? Let's bring her on. Welcome to the show, Melissa.

Thank you, thank you. So glad to be here.

I am so glad that Mike Van Pelt introduced us because as you mentioned in the, in some of the comments prior to the show as we were posting on LinkedIn and we were, we were connecting with our audience, we've had some very fun conversations and I always love talking to people with your yos. So let's talk about your yos. Because people, you know, the reason we are joining is we want to talk about why not, but we want to talk about your why operating system first so that people know who you are. So your yos is to challenge the status quo, to make sense of the complex and to contribute to others. So what we know about Melissa is that she is here to challenge the status quo, think differently, bring out of the box solutions to the table. Now how you're going to do that is by helping people make sense of complex and challenging. And it's funny, as I read your introduction, your yos is all over that you help people understand things. You take stuff that's complex and Challenging, you help people make sense of it and ultimately you contribute to their success. So how, how does that sound in terms of describing Melissa?

Wow, you sum it up so perfectly. I think this is why I love the conversations that we've had because you just get the energy and you just get the understanding of what we're talking about. Right. Challenging the status quo is not negative, it's not detrimental, it's not dirty or taboo. It's literally thought provoking. It's simply saying we don't have to do things the way we've always done them. We don't have to follow a cookie cutter prescribed way of being if it serves us and instead we can adapt, pivot and shift however that's going to serve us to get the results that we desire. We step outside of the box. That is where the most creative happens. That's where leadership gets to be on fire and that's where we get to have the most fun and is when we're actually willing to challenge our own thoughts and beliefs and what others may say or share to find what actually works for you as an individual.

I love that we got a lot of people on that are listening and they're sending out some, some shout outs. Thank you, Dave Sanderson, for being on. Lindsay Pollock said hello from Houston. Dave Tegmeyer, Indianapolis. Lynn Everard's in, in South Florida. So he's in your neck of the woods and I know Jerry Fletcher is up in the, in the Northwest. So guys, thanks for joining. Thank you. Please put your questions in the chat. I hope Carl Pontow comes on because he challenged you, Melissa. So we're going to get to his question. But this is so fun. You know, I, I love a couple of things that you said when it comes to, to challenging the status quo. You said it's not dirty, it's not wrong. There's nothing wrong with, with challenging the way things are done and coming up with creative new ways of doing things. And I think not enough people embrace that. Right. And so tell us how you, you've made a business of challenging the status quo. What, what drove you from being that best kept leadership secret into a coach?

Well, I think the biggest thing that led me there is simply watching how many people struggle and stress. Yeah. When it doesn't have to be that way, when it can be effortless and easy. Now that doesn't mean there's not hard work involved, but that we over as humans, we overcomplicate everything. So watching people overcomplicate it, burn it all down to create it get so frustrated, spend so much time in the problem of it that they're not finding the solutions or experiencing the success they desire was really what drove me to think, you know, what people might think this is common sense, but so many of us don't tap into it. We've got to be able to have these conversations. Why not do this? Why not take my gifts and start sharing that and helping others find that success and create it the way they want it, the way they envision it? Because so often we're tired and miserable from what we may have otherwise experienced and we're ready for something different, but maybe we just don't know how to put all those puzzle pieces together.

Fantastic. Melissa. Hey, by the way, Carl is here. He said hey. He said, he shouted out, I'm here. And I know this. Carl is not going to shy away from this conversation because he's got his own opinions and he does some amazing work himself. Matter of fact, we need to have you on the show, Carl. So, so let, let's ask a couple of questions. So tell me. And we're going to get to Carl's question. So where does serenity on fire come from? Because already that is, that is challenging the status quo because you don't think of serenity and fire at the same time. So tell me about it.

Well, here's the thing. Everyone wants peace. We want joy, we want happiness, we want easy, right? We want those things. Those are all internal feelings that we get from how we cultivate ourselves. And when you have that, do you know that stress and worry and frustration are so much less in your space? Because internally you've already worked those processes to have that joy, that serenity, that calmness. And when you invoke that and then you take that fire that's in your belly, that core center, that fire, you ignite that so that everything you want is possible. And you go after. You're not as scared of it, you're not afraid to step into the mess of it, but you do so with such a confidence because you already know that you've built your foundation and you already know that you're at peace, that you have that sense of calm and that you've got this. Your confidence is super high and your self esteem is super rocking and it doesn't matter whether or not you believe it. In every moment your fire is so ignited that anything is possible. And you have that sense of calm that washes over us when we know we've got this, even if it's challenging.

Love, love that man, what a great. I, I hope Joe, I hope you capture that. So Joe is our. Joe Ache Studios does our video editing and I hope he captured that clip because that, you know, as I said in the description of today, that was fire. Good job, Melissa. Thank you so much. So let's, let's get to your, your, your, the. Let's get to Carl's question because I want to get to it and Carl, happy to be on the show, love it. We're gonna send you a link so we can get you on. So one of the things I posted about is Melissa believes that the journey must feel like the destination. And Carl had a difference of opinion on that. So let's give you the opportunity to answer. What do you mean by the journey must feel like the destination?

Absolutely. So here's the thing. We set big hairy, audacious goals and when we do, that destination feels very far forward in front of us. And we feel like there's a lot of mileage to cover before we'll get to that destination where we want to experience the elation of whatever the accomplishment of that goal might be. The problem is how far away from you is that destination. When you start your goal, it feels like forever. But with the journey feeling like the destination, you are celebrating every micro win, every small step forward. So the journey gets to feel like the destination so that when you finally reach it, you've been celebrating and embodying it and enjoying it all along. And it doesn't feel like some long anticipated awaited, never to be gotten milestone. Instead you are bringing what you want that destination to feel like. You're bringing it to the right now present moment and embodying that, it actually motivates you to keep pushing forward with your goals. When sometimes those big, hairy, audacious goals can kick us in the bite and slow us down. By utilizing that journey in that moment, it keeps that fire going so that you can get to that final destination. And then the celebration is just even bigger and more delicious because you've been celebrating all along the way.

I love that. So Carl, you can comment and tell us. Hey, did that answer the question? Because one of the things that, what Carl said is, you know, the, the, the journey and the destination aren't going to feel the same. And it doesn't mean you can't enjoy both, but you enjoy them in different ways. And what you're saying is you're kind of taking, you're taking that big, hairy, audacious goal into little pieces and you're enjoying it along the way. So you're. So not only are you going to have that big journey or that big celebration at the end, but you're going to have little celebrations as you go along.

Yeah. Because think about your. Your journey, your destination, like a road trip. You get in the car and you take off and you get sidetracked on all the wondrous things you discover along the way. That doesn't take away from your destination, but it adds to the experience of everything you get to enjoy versus jumping in the car, down a straightaway of nothing but blah and blah and road drama, road sleep till you finally get there, and then you're like, yay. But also, I'm exhausted. And everything in between. It wasn't as nearly a momentous journey as it might have been.

And as we would expect with someone with. With the why of. Of. Of challenge, it's got along the way. Right. So I, I learned something, you know, just. Just recently, and it just really made sense to me. One of the things we have to do is we take. Have to take the mundane, and even that has to be fun because, you know, at the end of the day, we have. There's work that we have to do. Not everything we do is fun. Right. Melissa? But how do you. How do you take something that's not a lot of fun that you have to do and make it fun? Do you create a game out of it? Do you. You've got. If when you do that, all of a sudden work becomes fun? It doesn't.

It. It does. I. That's, you know, it's one of those hacks that I teach my clients. Take something that you're not interested in doing, whether it's the dishes, writing a long paper, it doesn't really matter what it is, and pair it with something that you do enjoy. So maybe you're cranking up the music, you are having a dance party, you are eating something delicious, you're on the phone having a powerful conversation, you're dancing outside in the rain while you do the yard work. Whatever it is that you pair with the mundane, that, yes, we have to do those things, and no matter what we do, they're not great or enjoyable. If you can pair that with something that is more aligned with fun for you.

Right.

You get it done quicker and faster. It feels like it happened so easily that suddenly it's not as mundane the next time because now you've got your own hack to make it work for you. And it works with kids, it works with adults. I mean, this hack just works for anyone. That will use it.

Yes. Love that. So, and I love Lynn's comment. He said, don't wait until the destination to take out your camera and take pictures. Take them all along the way. Because you're right, the journey has to be part of it. And. And guess what? You've got a convert. Melissa, Carl says that sounds good to me. Thanks for clarifying. So, Carl, it's good. You know, Carl helps people tell their stories and he's a great message. Message guy. So maybe you guys should connect because if you have people that need help putting their message together, Carl is amazing at it and building that story based on. Based on your. On your yos. Right, too. How do we tell our story so that we attract the people to our life? Because, Melissa, do you want people in your life that don't want to be challenged, don't like to look at things outside the box?

Typically, they don't hang out too long. I will be long. If they're not interested in engaging in that, then they can disagree. They don't have to necessarily speak, subscribe to it. But if they're not interested in engaging in that, they typically don't hang out too long because they'll think I'm a little fiery and I am. Right.

A little.

Whole lot of sass, bringing that truth with kindness. But it is what it is. Right. And. And it's raw and it's. It is just as it comes. And so, yeah, if you don't want to play in that sandbox with me, you typically don't hang out too long, and that's okay.

Yeah, well, you know what? I love the conversations going on in the chat. Rob Swimer says he loved Lynn's message and. And he's thanking you for. For sharing your message. And Carl wants to get connected on Zoom, so I'm sure you guys will connect. So tell us about your biz boss.

What makes you different so your biz boss. Here's the thing. As leaders, we get in the trenches alongside our team and staff for a long time, whoever we're doing, and we're building along with them, and that's fantastic. Leadership needs to lead the way. We need to be the model, but, you know, the boss. Nobody likes a boss, but they are known for delegation. They're known for holding feet to the fire. They're known for expectations. Sometimes as leaders, we actually need a biz boss to kind of help keep us moving so that we don't get so caught up in our own excitement and our ideas and our creativity that we don't move them forward. We don't do a lot of implementation and execution. So sometimes what you need is that accountability partner, that biz boss, to kind of point you in the right direction, hold your feet to the fire, be accountable, and get you moving with those big ideas. Because big ideas, we love to play in them, but without implementation, without execution, without systems, without processes, they stay out in ideal and they stay on the creative space, and we don't get them to bring them to fruition. So your business, that's where I get to come in as that accountability partner and push to kind of really help you stay along that journey that you have designed for yourself, but making sure you're meeting the goals along the way that you really, really want to dive into without getting stuck in them. Because, you know, I'll go down those rabbit holes without getting stuck in them, getting too overwhelmed with them, or never getting them big to be anything more than a big idea. Right?

And I love what you just said because you just said the, the thing that is so unchallenged of you, you just said you, you come in and you hold people accountable because the big idea is everybody. You know, ideas are appreciated, plans are worshiped. Right? You got to put it into, into a plan. So you help as the biz boss, you help those people with all those big ideas, put them into a process and a system so they can actually execute them.

Yes, yes. Without losing that creativity, without losing the fire. Because think about it. Anytime you've got this big idea and you go to put all the plans together and design it and think about the implementation, execution, you start losing some of that fire because that mundane starts kicking in. So here we're going to help the leader continue to have that big idea of creativity and that big fireball burning. But we're also going to get the things put in place so that their teams or whoever is supporting them can have that for execution and they can stay where they want to in creative space, but also overseeing and making sure that the vision's coming to life.

Got it. Man, that is so necessary, Melissa, and I'm so glad you're there. So let's talk about this, because you do know I ask all our guests if you have a, a giveaway that you, you have for people, what are people you've got to give away? Called the Business Breakthrough Guide. So we're going to put that in the comments. So if anybody wants, wants that you click on that, what are they going to get in that?

So that is really some hacks. So you Know we have all these various areas in our life. Financial, mental, emotional, spiritual, business, family, friends, all the things and how do we fit them all in on a calendar and enjoy them all the time. This breakthrough guide is going to help you put those things into buckets, plan out when and how and where you're going to do them, give yourself some accountability timelines and break it down so that you actually feel power empowered and you have the success you're looking for. Because we're going to chunk it down into tiny little bites so that it doesn't feel so big and overwhelming, like it's just a big creative idea and you're building in all the time that you actually want for the things that are important to you. This is just going to keep you on track and help you get where you want to go a little faster, a little easier, and not so overwhelmed or burnout from trying to do it all, be it all, manage it all and have it all.

You know what I really appreciate about that and so thank you guys. If you're, if you're listening and I know you know what's interesting and you know this, Melissa, a lot of people are listening, a lot of people are watching and they don't all comment all the time. So we've got our regulars that comment all the time. We, we love you guys for doing that. But if you're in the background, get that breakthrough guide and take advantage of it. It sounds, what I love about that again is you break it down into doable bite sized chunks that you can do. And I think people like ourselves, people with challenge in our yos, we need that structure. Right? So what I'm hearing, and I've heard this before, I think what's important for us is to have some guidelines we need. Like you said, you don't want to take away the creativity. You need room to play, but you need the bumper. You come in and you set the bumpers right, you say, okay, this is where you can play. Don't go outside of this. Because if you go outside of this, you're not going to get things done. But I love that you've got it. You create those bumpers for those of us with the how of challenge or the why of challenge or even better way, we're always chasing that shiny object.

Yes. Yeah. And this just holds us accountable. It keeps us accountable to ourselves and it also allows us to have other people be accountable with us, but it just allows us to put it down on paper because you know what, when it's just floating around in our mind. It's gets bigger and bigger and bigger. We've got to put it down on paper to have that implementation and execution. By writing it down and then being able to break it apart, it's doable. Because suddenly that big, hairy, audacious goal that you feel like it's going to take hours and weeks and months.

Yeah.

Becomes five minutes at a time. Do you know you can get done in five or 15 minutes? And how often you get those little burst of moments that you can actually forward your own progress for success, it makes it so much more doable and it's so much more fun that way.

So. So, Melissa, how do your clients not come out of a meeting with you and just run through walls ready to go do everything? Tell us, tell us, tell us a success story. Tell me about your favorite client. I'd love to hear about somebody that came back to you and said, melissa, I did X that you told me to do, and this is what happened. Tell me a favorite story.

Oh, a favorite story. You know, I have one client who very high visionary, very creative, lot of great ideas. But it was getting them down, getting them solidified, and then putting the plan in place to actually make them happen, to take them from big idea to progress to success, Right? And once we worked on processes and systems and we took those big ideas and cultivated them down and built them into a system in their time management system, their energy management system, that allow them the freedom to not feel like it's all over the place, right. Buckle down and start focusing on getting things done. In no time at all, they turn things around. They were suddenly finding more time in their freedom and more time in their schedule because they had more freedom and they were feeling like they were so successful. That checklist, they were checking off goals left and right, writing a book, creating another business. Like, they were doing some amazing things and their energy was high because they were staying lit with their own internal fire system. So we ignite it. So I always tell people, sometimes I bring the fire when yours isn't quite lit. We get that flame going again. Once we reignite that, you have that in you and it just keeps burning and you're on your way.

Ah, man, that, that is exciting. Hey, I want to, I want to thank Bruce, Bruce Kirk, but because he took the, the link and he put it on LinkedIn. So now everybody, whether you're listening on Facebook, you're watching on YouTube, or you're. Or you're watching on LinkedIn, everybody's got the link. So thank you Bruce, for doing that. Appreciate you. It's in the chat post, folks, if you're interested in learning more about that. So I like to ask this question to every, every guest. Tell us about your biggest why not moment time. When you said why not to something, what was it that you said why not to and how's it worked out?

So my biggest why not? So I'll tell you. We decided to sell our home and move to the woods. Because why not? Why not have the best of both worlds? Why not be surrounded by nature and all of its glory and live in a very quiet, secluded. Secluded, secluded place.

Yeah.

And then also be able to travel about and go anywhere we want and experience all that Atlanta, the city, everything has to offer, and then come back to our own seclusion where we get to spend so much time. And if you know me at all, I love to be outside. Nature is my jam. So being outside and being grounded, we watch deer. We have so much that we get to appreciate out here that we don't get in the city.

So.

So we just decided one day, you know what, I'm gonna sell the house and move. Let's just do it. Let's just move from everything we know. Go someplace that's a little different, but that is so us, and see what happens. Because why not? Life's short. Why not take the big moves and do something different?

So do you go outside every day and walk barefoot?

I do. It's a grounding practice. Every morning and every night. As a matter of fact, if I remember right, we had that conversation.

That is correct. If you're listening, if you haven't done it, take time every day, take off your shoes if you've got grass, dirt, and just walk barefoot. Tell us about that. Just explain it to everybody real quick. What, what is the purpose?

So grounding, right? You go outside, your barefoot, you're walking, you're reconnecting to the earth, and it feels very freeing and it gives you just a sense of grounding and this sense of calm, and you're outside in nature with the beautiful fresh air, and you can't help but be relaxed and you can't help but take all that stress and worry, let it sink back into the ground, right? And you just feel so much better and it just calms your system, calms your energy, and it allows you to move into whatever's next. We always need a break or a transition between anything we're doing, any meetings, any work, whatever it is. We need that transition space when you go outside and ground for even Five minutes. And it allows you to just decompress and schleuff off whatever you were before. You're stepping into the next thing. It just makes everything easier. That transition period is such an important piece for anything we're doing.

You know, I did it. So I'm going to tell you and Jerry Lujan, one of our partners at Y Institute, talks about that. And we do that before we do a big presentation. We just take off our shoes and just work our feet. Your feet are such an important part. There's all the bones in your feet, right? There's lots, lots of bones there. And getting grounded is just so important. So thank you for doing that. Hey, you know, remembered you're in Atlanta. So Rob Swimer, who commented earlier, is in Florida, but I got connected to him, to Mark, through Marva Baylor, who is in Atlanta. So you guys are neighbors. I'll have to introduce you to Marva Baylor. She's. She's going to be on here soon. So I just wanted to make that connection because I was thinking about that. So what are you excited about in 2023? I saw your video that you put out a couple of weeks before the end of the year, and you talked about, hey, you guys, you think you're ready for 2023, but you're not. So let's. Let's get. Let's get ready for 2023. So I know you're ready for 2023, but what is it that's exciting you in 2023?

Oh, my gosh. Well, I think 2023 years is just the year of possibility. So we have been through a couple of years of kind of isolation and being hidden and really kind of separated. Right. And now we're stepping into the year of 2023. If you add it all up, it's the number seven. What a magical number it is. But it's a powerful time of emergence. And for anyone, whether you've been hidden and secluded in isolation or you're just getting feet under you and ready to burst out onto the scene, it is a year of emergence, and I am super excited about that. Helping others step out of their own shells and into their own creative space, outside of the box, thinking. But it's just a place of just super powerful energy where we get to step out, shine as who we are and really embrace the possibility because it is infinite. And it's such a great year again, to just from where we've been to where we are, to really take what we've learned and apply it in a way that's going to serve us in the highest way possible to allow us to achieve everything we desire to. Because there's so much time to be outside and play and enjoy. And so just taking ourselves out of the cocoons we've been in and putting ourselves back out there in the sunshine, just emerging, it's powerful, and I'm super excited for it.

You know, that is such a great answer. I can't think of a better note to end the show on. What do you say we end on that note, Melissa?

Why not?

Why not indeed. Man, this has been so much fun. Melissa, I've got to give a hard time to Kurt Von on and he said a meeting ran late. Now he's going to have to watch the replay. Kurt, he. He reposted the announcement and he was telling people no. Melissa sounds like a little bit of a contrarian. I can't wait to listen. So, Kurt, you are gonna have to listen because it was a really good, good show. And I don't know if you saw Rob swim. He says live a dog's life. Be in the moment and present with yourself. Melissa, you've shared so much gold with our audience today. Thank you so much. We appreciate you. I love that you've got passion over your right shoulder and purpose over your left shoulder. This is all what. What we'd like to talk about. It's why not? You talked about some good why not moments today. Have a great Wednesday, everyone, and we'll see you next week on why not Wednesday.

Bye.