79 MomAgenda Founder on Mompreneurship and Self-Care

Hello and welcome to Top Down Brain RX Chill Pill Podcast, where you can boost your resilience just by listening. Resilience is about bouncing back from setbacks by adapting and learning so you can thrive through life's challenges. Each episode includes research-backed tools and leaves you with an action or meditation prescription that you can apply immediately to your and your family's life. I'm Dr. Juna Bobby MD, a board-certified physician and a mom of two amazing kids. My purpose is to make the neuroscience of wellness accessible to you and your kids' everyday life. Because when I became a mom, I wanted to do everything possible to empower my children with healthy mental and physical habits. This wasn't something that I had growing up, so I had to learn how to create it. I'm definitely not aiming for perfection, but I can honestly say that the mind-body skills I learned transformed my family's life. After years of training, I fully transitioned into teaching mind-body medicine leaving one of the most prestigious private practices in New York City so I could dedicate my time to creating and teaching the science of resilience. My almost decade-long experience teaching high-performing students of all ages at Juilliard and many other schools have now led me to the creation of my newest course, Plan2Soar for K-12 and Soar Under Pressure for youth, as well as stress management and resiliency courses for youth and adults.

These courses are available for partnering schools, organizations, and online for individuals at mindbodyspace.com.

A portion of all proceeds go to those students in need. I'm so excited to have with me today Nina Restieri. She's the founder of Mom Agenda, the ultimate beautiful planner made especially for moms. She was a mom of 4 young kids when she started this business 16 years ago. Now she's reinventing herself and has written her first book, "Overcoming the Mom Life Crisis." She wants us moms to know that we're not alone and that we don't have to sacrifice our happiness and our own well-being to be a good mom. She says, quote, "Giving yourself what you want and need allows you to share more of your joy and purpose with others. Loving yourself makes you better at everything in life." "It makes you a better mom." End quote.

Hi, Nina.

Hi, Juna.

How are you? Thank you so much for being here with me today.

Thanks so much for having me.

I'm so excited because I know you have almost a whole chapter on how to say no in your new book. So that—

we all were— we all need training in the fine art of saying no.

But so that means you said hell yes to to this interview, so I'm really excited.

Yes, I did. It was a no-brainer.

Awesome. Okay, so I'm so excited to have you here, Nina. I mean, I heard about you because I bought your Mom Agenda, I would say about 20 years ago.

Uh, well, we started in 2005, so it was probably 16 years ago.

Oh, time flies. Okay.

Yeah, I can't believe— I can't believe it. We've been around for this long. It's like, it's crazy how Time goes by, right?

That's amazing. Yeah. And I guess maybe I didn't buy it before my son was born, but I guess at that point I needed something and I was looking for, you know, agendas. And yours was so pretty. It was like that bright pink color, like popped out at me. It was at that store, Wendy G. Do you remember that store?

Oh yeah. Yeah. And Greenwich Avenue. Of course.

I don't know if they're still there.

No, they're not there.

So that's where I found it. And I loved it. And I can't say that I was really great at using it, honestly, because maybe you need 4 kids before you can use it as efficiently as possible. I just had 1 kid at the time. So I loved it, though. I wrote in it. I just, you know, I had to train myself to plan things as I started on this new road. I had left medicine to become a mind-body coach. So at that point, I started having to make my own schedule and have all these, you know, my own agenda. And that's when I really started needing to plan. I'm sure as a mother of 4, you probably got there way before I needed to. And then obviously you're organized enough to become an entrepreneur while having 4 kids. So you must be super organized.

I'm embarrassed to say that Mom Agenda, the original idea grew out of the fact that I was so disorganized with 4 kids. The kids were babies, they were between 1 and 7, and I have 4 of them, as you said, and I was a mess. I was missing play dates and doctor's appointments. I would forget to pack my kids' lunch for school, you know, forget to pick someone up from soccer practice. It was a disaster. I realized I needed a system and I went to Staples and they had stuff for moms, but all the stuff for moms had like little bunny rabbits on them or, you know, like cartoon characters. And I was like, oh, I don't want, I want something beautiful that can also help me get organized. So that was the seed of the idea.

But of course, I mean, everything we teach, we need ourselves, right?

Exactly. That's exactly it. So I needed this and I thought, well, if I need it, then probably a lot of other moms need it too. And why doesn't this exist already? I couldn't believe that it wasn't already out there, you know? So I thought, okay, it's up to me. It's up to me to build it.

So what exactly was it that you wanted out there that you couldn't find other than the pink bunnies? Was there anything else organizationally that you felt like was missing out there for moms?

You know, I thought about it this way. I had a dream one night before I started the business, and I dreamed I was in a bookstore in front of a big section of wedding planners. So picture a wedding planner. You know, it's very specific for the bride to plan her special day. And I woke up that morning, and I had been looking at hundreds of wedding planners. I woke up that day, I have this day ahead of me with my 4 kids in 4 different schools all over town, all their different— and I thought, why isn't there a planner for moms? If there's a planner for brides to plan one day, why isn't there a planner for moms to plan every day? Because every day is a pretty big production when you've got even one kid or a bunch of kids. So that was kind of— I wanted it to be specific for moms, like to really address our unique needs.

And so you had 4 kids. How far apart were they?

They're, they're 2 years apart, all of them.

Okay, so how old were they when you, when you made the Mom Agenda? I— they're all in college, right?

So right now they're 25, 23, 21, and 18.

So, wow.

At the time they were 7, 5, 3, and 1 at the time I started the business. So, wow. Yeah, people were like, are you sure you really want to start a company right now? People thought I was insane.

Yeah. Tell me about that. So how did you, how did you manage that? I mean, obviously you had to start planning and I know a little backstory. I know that you did a lot of research before you actually came up with the planner, right?

I did. I spent 9 months talking to other moms about what if, if the planner were perfect for them, what would it have, you know, how, how could it address because I thought, you know, I know what I need, but what about other moms? So the interviews I did confirmed a lot of my instincts, but I learned a lot as well. So I spent 9 months doing that.

So what were the top 3 things that moms need?

Well, one thing that they needed was they wanted it to feel calming. They wanted it to be serene and calm and like, simple. They didn't want a lot of forms to fill out, you know, boxes to check, and they didn't want more work added. They wanted something that was going to make life easier and calmer. So we made it very simple on purpose. We didn't put a bunch of forms in the front. We only put the very important information in the front. So that moms wouldn't feel like this is another chore to fill out my planner.

Yeah, who needs another thing to do, right?

Who needs another thing on the to-do list, right?

Yeah, yeah. So you made it simple. Are there any other major things that you added?

They wanted it to feel similar to what I had said, like an accessory, like something beautiful that they'd be proud to take out of their bag at work or at lunch or wherever, you know, we all love our shoes and bags, right? So a lot of women said that, you know, it's stationary and planners are important to me and it's important that it be beautiful, that it be something that I feel good about carrying around with me.

Mm-hmm. And it is beautiful.

Mm-hmm. Thank you. Mm-hmm.

And what about the planning itself? Like, is there any— if you had to give a new mom or mom of younger kids right now? Like what would be the most important thing as far as planning yourself out? And obviously it's to avoid feeling overwhelmed, right? 'Cause that's the main issue right now. For even for kids, I teach a lot of teens and that's their main complaint really, the overwhelm. They won't say I'm stressed. They'll just say like, I'm so overwhelmed with all the stuff I have to do or, you know, after procrastinating. So, They won't use the word stress. It's interesting unless you say, are you stressed about, you know, too much to do? And they'll be like, yes, that's what it is.

It's an epidemic, you know, especially among moms. Too much to do, not enough time to do it. I have a whole chapter in my book called Overcoming Overwhelm because overwhelm was one of the key ingredients to me kind of losing it.

Um, and what do you mean losing it? Was it a particular moment of losing it or was it like an over the years?

Yeah, it was kind of a over the years gradually losing myself. And, and that's really what my book is about, Overcoming the Mom Life Crisis. I call it the mom life crisis because it's kind of like a midlife crisis, but it happens to moms when you just constantly put yourself last. "You Get Overwhelmed and You Take Care of Everyone Else Other Than Yourself." I love that title. Thank you.

And of course, it's also not just putting yourself last, but putting things in front of you that may not be healthy for you. I know there was one part of your book where you're talking about in the past you might have stayed out too late with your college friends or drank too much and gave up your Sunday mornings to recoup. And now you can say no to that. So it's also, you know, thinking you're going to have fun or thinking you're doing something for yourself, but it really actually is hurting us. Right?

Right. I think that was a big part of my learning process is like the things that feel good in the moment aren't necessarily good for you. You know, and self-care is really about making choices that are good, really good for you long term. So for me, that means having one drink, whereas a few years ago I would have 4 or 5, you know, because it felt good in the moment. But I really don't want to lose a Sunday at this point in my life, you know? Or eating healthier foods because you feel good, whereas if you eat something really fatty, you kind of feel crappy for a few hours. To me, that's what self-care is, is doing things that really benefit you, not just in the moment, but in the longer term.

And you have a lot of advice on that in your book as far as how to figure out what that is for you, right? So you do a lot of journaling and maybe you can speak for that, but I know you're a meditator as well.

I do. I meditate twice a day, which is a— life-changing practice. And I know you talk a lot about meditation.

Yeah, that's the basis of, you know, training focus and attention that I use via neuroscience. I mean, it's really the act of training your brain to pay attention to what you want when you need it to. And really, it's all about the executive functioning brain, you know. And then, so your planner, to me, that's like all about the executive functioning brain. I mean, because it works the same areas when you try to plan your time out and figure out what your priorities are.

Right, and priorities, I think priorities are another key to overcoming overwhelm. I have a piece in my book about setting your priorities. We had a— my daughter had a teacher who was nominated for Teacher of the Year Award, and she declined it. She declined the award, and the reason she declined is that it involved a lot of paperwork and interviews and all this stuff, and she said, "I have two priorities. One is to be the best mom, grandma, wife I can be. The other priority is to be the best teacher I can be. And doing all this work, jumping through all these hoops to win Teacher of the Year is not aligned with either of those two things. So I'm gonna pass." Wow. My head exploded, you know? So I took out a little Post-it note and I wrote down, be a great mom to my kids, build my business. And I put it in my day planner. And having those two priorities helped me overcome overwhelm because it was like every time the PTA called or every time someone asked me to do something, it was like, is it aligned with these two things?

Okay, so you have those—

I'm gonna say no.

So you have those two core values with you at all times, and then you check. And then I think, you know, and it's funny because I teach this as part of my course, is like, if you have those core values in front of you— and they can change over time, obviously— but if you have it with you all the time, then it makes your day-to-day decisions easier.

It's, it's just clarity. Yes, instant clarity.

And then you don't have to worry like, oh, should I do it or not? Or did I say the wrong thing? Right? Because you know that it's right for you.

I love that.

Because sometimes, sometimes when you have a calendar filled with commitments, what we do is we cancel things that are easy to cancel. Right?

Okay.

We— and we do the things where the person is screaming the loudest. Right? But that's an external approach. That's making other people happy. If you do the My Exercise, it's internal. You're planning your day based on your values rather than based on what other people are screaming the loudest about.

So are you writing that like in your planner and you— so you have it right there in front of you so you can check back and say, hey, look, those are my two core values. It's not like— going for a last-minute lunch with the ladies, or— although that's important too. I mean, I have to say, and we'll talk about that later because I know you talk about your tribe in the book, right?

Right, right. And over the years, my priorities have shifted in different— and at some points, you know, let's face it, my friends for a long time were not a priority.

Mm-hmm. Because your business and your children.

Because I decided to be a working mom of 4 kids. And that's a sacrifice that I made. So I haven't had as many lunches with friends as I probably would've liked, but that's the decision I made.

And what you're talking about is something that John Lee Dumas talks about all the time.

He does Entrepreneurs on Fire. I don't know if you ever listened to that podcast.

I don't think so.

But he calls it OPA, other people's agenda.

Yes, exactly.

OPA. Yeah. And that's fine if that's what you're doing or that's what your core values are. That could be your core values, right? To be the PTA president or do all those things, that could be a core value too.

Absolutely.

It's just what's important to you. And how else do you prioritize when you have 4 kids and everybody needs something? How do you manage that? I mean, what came first, your business or your kids?

Oh, always my kids.

Okay, me too. I'm the same, I'm the same. They're at the top.

Yeah, and there were, there were a lot of years where, um, the business definitely suffered as a result. Not that, you know, we— I mean, we're still here, we're doing great, but I have more time now to spend on my business than I really ever have now that only one kid is still in here at home with me. It's actually kind of sad.

Well, you and I will have to get together now since my daughter will be— oh, she's a junior also. Well, your son is a senior, right?

He's a junior also.

Yes. Okay, so we'll be on the same track.

Yes, almost empty nester. Oh my gosh.

Okay, so, um, so they always come first. I mean, I find that even one kid at home could take over my whole life at times.

Absolutely. And it was never a question for me. And that's really one of the reasons I decided to start a company, you know, start my own company. I wanted to work, but I never wanted to lose the freedom to put my kids first. That was just, you know, for some people, it's work comes first and great. But for me, The kids come first. I had to find a way to build my career around them, around them coming first. Yes, I was very fortunate that I was able to make that choice and eternally grateful for that.

You would recommend this kind of entrepreneurship life to what kind of mom?

I mean, it's not for everyone. You know, as you know, for being an entrepreneur has a lot of ups and downs, but if you value your freedom, You know, I think that if you really have faith in yourself, like it takes a lot of self-trust and confidence and stuff like that to make those decisions and really be the leader of a company. You know, and it's not for every— I mean, I know I have friends who really prefer the structure of corporate America and the hierarchy. You know, and I didn't thrive in that world in my pre- pre-Mom Agenda days.

Yeah, what did you do before? I was going to ask you that.

So I started, I started in advertising, so I worked for a big company. And actually, my mom was a mom entrepreneur in the '80s and, um, and into the '90s. And after about 5 years in advertising, I went to work for her. She had a marketing agency. Oh wow. She was unfortunately very sick, and I knew I was gonna be taking over this company. So I went to work for her. So then I had the experience of working for a small startup.

Mm, okay.

And I liked it so much more than being in a big corporation. So I guess you just have to kind of know yourself, know who you are and what environment you like.

Mm-hmm. Well, I'm sorry to hear that about your mom, but it sounds like she was very courageous because back then, like most advertising agencies were like those big male firm, right?

Yeah, yeah, she was awesome.

Like that, that show. What was that show? Oh, Mad Men. Yeah, that's the only thing I know. They say that that was pretty close to reality.

Yeah, a friend of mine, her dad was one of those guys, and she said it was quite accurate.

So your mom decided to go off on her own. So you, you actually had a background that really helped you then, I would assume, with Mom Agenda, right? Because of the marketing thing. Everything's marketing.

Yes, absolutely. And I don't think I could have done it without having that, you know, Branding 101 from my advertising days.

Okay.

And also having the experience of running my mom's company helped me realize it's not so scary. Like, running a company really requires common sense more than anything else. You don't have to be a rocket scientist or have any special skills, although the marketing definitely helped. I think it's, I think it's 90% common sense and grit.

Don't you think you need grit? Like, because it's going to be bad sometimes, you just don't know where it's going.

Thick skin.

Yes. And also, you're not really on social media much, so it's— I find you like amazingly interesting because you're not on social media that much. With Mom Agenda?

Yeah, it's— social media is kind of like fun, but it's not the priority.

But I don't think you don't have to be— have a huge presence in order to make a business happen, right? What do you think in these days?

I actually think email is more important than social media by 1,000%. Wow.

And people open their emails?

Enough people open their emails. Yeah.

And how did you get those emails?

Just over time we've collected them because we have, you know, we have a forum on the website where people who come to the website because they've heard about Mom Agenda from a friend will just give us their email address. We give a discount to everyone who gives us their email address.

So you don't bombard them with newsletters and things like that, right?

We just do a couple a week.

But do you send out blogs and stuff? I don't think I've gotten that many from you. I think I get like discounts and stuff, but I haven't really gotten— Yeah, yeah.

It's mostly discounts. Like we're launching the new products next week and we'll be sending a lot of emails next week because it's the launch. But normally we just send a couple each week.

Okay, well, congrats. I can't wait to see what you have coming. Are you going digital also? Are you having a digital agenda or no?

We're not. You know, we've, we've experimented with that and we found that our customers tend to really love paper, you know, the— our customers are tactile. They love stationery and paper and pens, and a lot of our customers have the perfect pen to write in their planner, you know. It's a tactile thing for us.

And I think I really agree with that. I use that with my students too. I always give them like a physical planner on top of all the digital stuff because It just, you just get lost in the two-dimensional space of the computer, you know?

Also, when you're, when you're managing multiple schedules, um, the, the space that you have on a, on a phone just really isn't, to me, it's not really enough space to see what's happening for everybody in a week. So I think with a weekly planner that you can look at the whole week for you and your kids Um, you just feel like you have control over your week when you can look at that all in one place.

And also when I have multiple calendars, sometimes one doesn't sync and then you're, you're screwed. What's like, have you had that happen? I mean, it's the bane of my existence because I have multiple calendars. That has happened to me.

I am a paper all the way person. I've never even tried using my phone because I'm such a technophobe.

Did you write your book on paper or on—

I wrote my book on my laptop, which was a big deal for me because I was an English major in school and I wrote everything on paper for a very long time. Yeah, I did all my papers on paper and then I retyped them into my computer. I thought I wrote better on paper.

Maybe you did.

I recently read that Obama wrote his book on legal pads.

Wow, I did not know that. Yeah, that's very interesting. Okay, so what about your kids? Do they use planners?

They do. My two middle kids both use Mom Agenda. Jenna and Matthew.

So a boy and a girl, they both use Mom Agenda. I would love to see how they're using that.

Jenna uses Mom Agenda and Matthew uses My Agenda, which is our line for all people, not just moms. But it's the same setup with space at the top for you and then 4 separate spaces below. Matthew uses it for his classes. He's a student in college. And Jenna's in the city working, and she uses it for school— I mean, uh, work, work and exercise and meal planning and stuff like that.

I love it. What about the other two kids? No planners for them? They're, uh, they're rogue.

They're, they're digital, which I'm very disappointed.

But did they learn how to plan better because of you and, and your company, you think? Did you teach them?

How to do that?

I think that's one of the most important skills to have. I really do.

Um, you know, they probably learned from watching me. Mm-hmm. You know, I mean, I think, I think the most important way we teach our kids is by modeling behavior, you know, rather than telling them things. So I think watching me plan and trying to keep it all together, I'm sure that they picked up some, hopefully, some tools.

Yeah. So planning things out to me is like a miracle because like I told you, I was not very good at it in the beginning. And I went to school, I went to medical school, I went to all these tracks, and my whole life was planned out for me. I never had to plan anything because you're working whatever many hours and you're not planning that. So for decades, I didn't have to really plan because all the— this is like a railroaded kind of career path, right? So I just started understanding how important it is to plan, and it's kind of like outlining a paper, but I always think about it like that, like taking your life and having sort of an outline, like you said, with your core values and your goals of where you want to go, and then having that in between, then you can really plan out your days and make your days fruitful, right, towards that goal. Just like an outline of a paper. Like when you start a paper, if you know where you want to go with this paper, it's so much easier than just starting to randomly write.

That's exactly right. I've never thought of it that way, but, but that's exactly right. If you have your core values and your priorities and your goals clear, then you're planning kind of should all fall into place, just like writing your paper. Once you're— the outline is the hard part, and then the writing falls into place once the outline is done. I think that's exactly, exactly right.

And you wrote this book, so did you, did you think like, what do I want to do with this book? When you start to write it, you had to think first, what do I want to be saying with this book, right? What do I want this to do?

What's my goal? And that led to the outline. Like, what do I really want to say? Uh-huh. Yes.

So tell us about this book. It's so exciting because I think you're coming to a new chapter in your life. You're still keeping Mom Agenda.

Yes. Right?

Yes.

Which is awesome. But you're coming to a new part of your life. I think you're going to be a coach, or you are a coach now.

I wouldn't say I'm a coach, but I'm, uh, I do hope to teach women how to overcome the mom life crisis and that's why I wrote this book. I feel like I have a unique perspective on what can happen to us as moms, how we can get sucked into that vortex of just losing ourselves and it took me a long time to, and a lot of, again, a lot of research and it took me a lot longer to research this than it did to research the Mama Chantala. It was years.

And how did you do the research? Give us a little bit of, um, how you got your, you know, your journey on this self-discovery.

I started with therapy. There were therapists, coaches, acupuncture, which I'm a huge fan of, somatic movement. My dance classes were incredibly important on my journey.

You're pole dancing, right? Is that what you said? I read that in the book.

Yes, that was in the book.

So that's your— yeah, how did you find pole dancing in Greenwich?

I didn't.

I went to the city for— yeah.

Oh, okay. Yeah, I went to kung fu in the city. That was my version of pole dancing.

You know, I think everyone has their own thing, and for me it's pole dancing. And I wrote about That's really good for your mula bandha.

Correct. If you have 4 kids, pole dancing is awesome for your pelvic girdling.

Yes. You need a lot of core strength to get upside down on the pole.

I know, I've seen it. That looks crazy. I would definitely— I tried to climb a pole once at a gymnastics class with my husband. It was like an active date we went on. And I was not able to do it.

It's hard. It took months. But I think I wrote about this in the book. I was like, I was trying to find something that really like I wanted to go back to every week. You know, like we all have that activity that we love doing and it's so fun and you can't wait to do it again. And I knew all these women in Greenwich, it was tennis, you know, or paddle or swimming or Zumba, you know, and none of those things clicked for me. And then I went to pole dancing and I was like, Oh my God, I'm home, you know? And it was like, why did it have to be pole dancing?

You know, like, I would never— I would never have guessed you for a pole dancer because you're just like so mellow and subdued. I mean, not that I have any idea, like, I don't have a preconceived notion of who a pole dancer is, but I would not have put you in that category.

Yeah, it's—

So how did you find it?

I, I— a friend of mine, I wrote about it in my book actually. I was having dinner with her and I was complaining about my life, like, I'm overwhelmed, you know, the kids, I have no time, I'm so stressed, I, I'm not happy. And she said, you really need to try my dance class. And I was like, really? Like, you think I need another thing on my to-do list? And she was like, will you just trust me? —like, so I tried it and I was like, I have to do this. Like, I have to do this every week. Like, I have to find time in my schedule. Like, it just—I felt like I was home in my body again and like my body needed it.

So have you ever done it before? Nope. Were you a gymnast or?

I was a dancer. Oh, okay. I was a dancer in school.

That makes sense now a little more. Mm-hmm. Okay. And they put on music, right, with the pole dancing?

They put on very loud music. The lights are off. There are no mirrors. So it's really— it's not— I don't know how to explain it, but it's more of an emotional experience than a physical experience. You really get into your body and feel what's going on in your body.

And it's all women, or is it all— It is all women. OK, so it's not like what you think of when you think of pole dancing in like a men's nightclub. It's like truly like an exercise.

It's not about performance or choreography. It's about kind of what feels good and it ends up being very empowering. And it ended up being an environment where I experienced something for the first time that I never experienced anywhere else. And it was women supporting other women. Women cheering for each other. Women loving each other, like, because I think we as women tend to be in competition with each other. So that experience was one of the things that kept me coming back, that this tribe of women, you know, you would do your dance and everyone would say, "You're so beautiful. That was so beautiful." I've never seen anything like that. And so it was this love fest of all these women supporting each other, lifting each other up, which is just not something I ever saw in Greenwich, Connecticut.

That's really interesting. And so do you go to the same place every time or different places?

I went to S Factor in the city. Okay. But I think that the experience I had is unique to S Factor. There are many pole dance studios, but most of them have mirrors and they keep the lights on. I see. It's not something that's interesting to me at all. I like the lights off. You know, it doesn't matter what your body looks like or how old you are. I mean, it's like meditative. It is like— it is.

And how did you get into meditation? What kind of meditation do you do? Yeah, I do mindfulness meditation.

I got into it a long time ago. On a trip to Canyon Ranch. Oh, Canyon Ranch!

Yeah, I've been there. I gave a lecture there once. The one in Massachusetts, in Lenox?

Yeah, the one in Massachusetts. I'm a big fan, and someone that I worked with there suggested that I read Wherever You Go, There You Are. John Kabat-Zinn. I read the book, and I just, I started meditating. And then a few years later, I read Dan Harris's book 10% Happier. And I also had a therapist, Terry Cole, who's a med— who's a big meditation person. So I just had a lot of, a lot of the various people on my journey pointing me in that direction.

Um, cool. So I met Dan Harris when he gave a lecture at the MindBody Conference, and I was like stalking him because I wanted to come. Hopefully he'll come on at some point, but, um, Yes, so he's really funny and he's, he's very relatable because he is so down on his own meditation technique and he admits that it's, you know, it's not something that you perfect or anything like that.

Yeah, it's, it's, it's a— it— I mean, I think it's a struggle every day, but I do it because I think it's worth it, you know.

Do you use guided or do you just guide your own?

No, I focus on my breath. The guided meditations don't really work for for me. I know a lot of people like the different apps and stuff. I think because I've started doing it so long ago, I'm just used to the focus on the inhale and the exhale.

I started using Insight Timer that has a bell, so I would just put the, the bell on at the end of 10 minutes or 20 minutes, and that was always— but I also learned the, the Vedic mantra meditation, so that is just on your own. You don't have any guidance, and And it's funny because I am a teacher on Insight Timer, so I put up a lot of guided meditations with my voice, but I don't always— most of the time I don't meditate with guidance either, but I think it's useful in the beginning, don't you?

Yeah, I think for a new meditator it's helpful for sure.

So when you started meditating, did you use Jon Kabat-Zinn's guided meditations?

No, I just did 5, you know, so I started just by reading the book and doing 5 minutes at a time. And then I built up to 15 minutes at a time. And I would just look at my phone. I would just keep my phone next to me and look at it and see if my 5 minutes were up. At first I would check like 3 times. And now? Now I check once usually every 15 minutes.

How has that changed your life?

I don't really know how to quantify it. I just have a better day. I think a big part of it is being able to observe what's happening rather than feeling like I'm being swept away in what's happening. Do you know what I mean? Like something happens, you can step back from it and say, okay, this is happening, rather than being kind of swept along the river of circumstance and, you know, what do I do? Being able to step back and observe is, to me, a really valuable tool that I've gotten from meditation. Like, it's like detachment, you know, detachment from circumstance. Like, I— and it makes you feel like you can handle anything if you can detach from it.

It's almost like you're listening to your best friend have an experience and you can help them, right?

Exactly. And you don't get Mm-hmm. Yeah, you don't get so emotional. You can be more rational if you're observing from a distance.

Mm-hmm. It's like when they say, it's so easy to say, right? It's easy for you to say, but then maybe you can be that other person too. I have to admit though, sometimes I'm just getting swept up and then like dragging myself out to be on the sidelines to watch.

Oh, it's, it's a practice every day. You still have to work at it. It's It doesn't— well, for me anyway, it doesn't come naturally. I still have to work at it.

But it's, it's like pole dancing. Like, if you stop pole dancing, you would lose all your muscles, right?

Exactly, exactly. So you have to think about it every day.

And you were talking about your journey, like, was there any particular therapy that you found very useful for you, or was it all different kinds you tried?

It was all different kinds. I think that, um, The key thing for me was my first therapist who kind of guided me in this direction, who said, you know, maybe it's time that you were part of the equation of your family. You know, maybe it's not just your kids and your husband. Maybe you count also. And that was revolutionary to me. What do you mean I count also? You know, like, I think that I had convinced myself that to be a good mom, you have to be needless and wantless, you know? And I developed some really bad patterns as a result of that. So this therapist really helped me say, "Oh, my voice matters. My happiness matters. I matter." And that's what really changed my life. Her name was Shelley Doctors. And, um, I'm very indebted to her.

That's wonderful. And was that talk therapy, or did she—

it was traditional, traditional psychotherapy.

Yeah. Okay. And then what about coaching? What kind of coaching did you get that was helpful to you?

I worked with a Martha Beck life, uh, life coach who was fabulous. And I'm, I'm a big fan of coaching because it's it's less about exploring your childhood and what's making you make certain decisions, more about actionable steps.

Completely, 100% agree. Because I think also the things that coaches can teach can be preventative. So now that I understand, you know, because now that I understand what coaches are doing and I'm also coaching myself, I understand that this is before you have that diagnosis. So if you could get those skills under your belt at some point, even if you end up with something later, it's like you already have some of the skills.

Yes. Yes, I agree. I do think, um, for many of us, it's important to do therapy first, like clear out whatever those patterns are that have— that get in your way from your childhood.

I guess I was talking about kids, teaching these skills to kids because they're just starting to form those patterns. So exactly. Yeah, but I agree. I mean, talking to somebody is really important too. Yeah. Okay, so tell us about your book and how we can, you know, who, who's it for and where is it going to be?

When it's available anywhere books are sold, so Target, Barnes Noble, Amazon, our call your local bookstore and have them order it for you. Awesome. And it's for, it's for anyone who feels like they are giving and giving and giving and are depleted. You know, that's really what the mom life crisis is about. You're depleted and you don't see a way out. Mm-hmm. So I think a lot of moms, you know, feel that way because they're trying to be a good mom and at the end of the day, you just feel like you have nothing left. You just feel empty, you know.

I love it. It's so needed. And what age group? Anyone, or—

yeah, I think anyone with kids who feels overwhelmed, no matter what your age, or without kids, anyone who feels overwhelmed. It's specific— I specifically wrote it as a mom for moms, but I think it— anyone who's overwhelmed could benefit from it, but moms in their 20s, 30s, 40s who are— who need to figure out how to, how to make themselves happy.

And I loved it. It's very readable, right? Thank you. And I love the specifics that you go into. Like, you actually had a script on how to say no to things.

Well, again, I— so you teach what you need to learn, right? Yes, I needed those scripts. I needed the script, so I wrote them.

I love it.

It's very practical, and I think people are going to love it, and it's so useful and so important.

Thank you so much, Juna Bobby MD.

So congratulations. And did you have a publisher? Did you go your own, or— Post Hill Press is the publisher. Yeah. So you have an agent? Did you go that whole route? This is your first book, right?

This is my first book. Yeah, I worked with an editor who had a relationship with this publisher, so, uh, so you didn't go the agent route? I did not go the agent route.

Okay, because I have a lot of authors on this podcast, so I love to know like how everybody got their first book published.

Yeah, are you, are you thinking about doing it?

It's not really like a book, it's more like educational books, but it's still writing.

It's a lot of writing. It is.

It's a lot of work. How long did you take to write this book?

2 years.

Wow, congratulations. Your 5th child, right? Or 6th?

Oh my gosh, 6th. Yeah, Mom Agenda was my 5th, the book is my 6th.

Well, congratulations, Nina, and thank you so much for being here today. I really I appreciate your time and for you to say hell yes to this podcast.

It's so good to see you and talk to you.

So good to see you.

Thank you so much for listening. That was Nina Restieri. Her mission in life is to help women overcome the mom life crisis, to go from being a busy mom doing it all to becoming a happier, more fulfilled individual. Find out more about her at nina-restieri.com. And don't forget for Mother's Day, buy your mom or yourself a beautiful mom agenda at momagenda.com. You can find her on Twitter and Instagram @momagenda. For topics that you'd like covered on the podcast or information on our STEM-based courses to boost resilience in youth and adults, email info@mindbodyspace.com. Or simply go to mindbodyspace.com and opt in so you can get extra tips on the science of resilience in our newsletter. And you'll also get information on our neuroscience-powered planner and online courses. Please share this podcast with anyone who believes in the scientific method and are curious about natural ways to boost performance, health, mental and physical resilience for themselves or their kids. Thank you so much. And until next time, this is Dr. Juna Bobby MD. Juna Bobby MD, wishing you and your family wellness.