Four Basic Tools for Learning How to Fail Well According to Amy Edmondson, Author of "Right Kind of Wrong: The Science of Failing Well"

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So in last week's episode, I was so thrilled to speak with award-winning Harvard Business School professor and author of Right Kind of Wrong, Amy Edmondson. If you haven't listened, please do. And if you know people who are afraid of failing, that's pretty much every human being. We're all averse to it. Well, then share the episode with them because I think they'll get a lot out of it. In this episode, though, I want to follow up with some real-life applications of Amy's recommendations. So go find a pen and paper, and while you do, think about a time when you failed. It doesn't have to be a major fail. It can be something small but meaningful. For example, maybe you didn't do as well as you wanted on your last exam, or maybe you had a fight with your loved one. So go ahead and hit pause and come back when you're ready. So if you haven't already done so, write down that little fail that you're gonna be working on in this exercise. Amy says that there are 4 essential tools that you can practice in order to be successful at failing well. The first essential tool is persistence and not stubbornness. So we'll break that down. So persistence is working hard, knowing that there's value in what you're gonna do, and while you're doing it, you're getting some feedback. Whether it's from your target audience or your data experts, whatever it is, you're getting data back telling you that you're working on something that's worth the time and resources that you're putting into it. Now, stubbornness is different. It's clinging to an unrealistic dream. Maybe you haven't tested out your hypothesis or the product or whatever you're working on, and you're ignoring feedback or data or responses that you should be paying attention to. And you just keep working on something, whether or not it's gonna be useful in the end, even though you probably should be pivoting or even giving up. So now you can hit pause and write out some evidence that support you to continue working on whatever failure you're using in this exercise. So write out why this relationship, exam, or whatever it was, why you should keep working at it and why you should persist in it. Okay, the next tool is reflection. It's usually the best practice to write things down in a journal or notebook just to figure out why the failure occurred in the first place. You can learn a lot when you take the time to dissect out what happened. And in Right Kind of Wrong, page 278, Amy says, quote, pilots who record and reflect on, for example, losing and then regaining control of an aircraft can spur an investigation into whether there's a problem. That needs to be fixed, end quote. So it's really valuable to reflect, hit pause, and write out who, what, when, where, why, how your failure occurred, and what corrective actions can be taken to improve systems or prevent failure next time. The third tool is accountability, taking responsibility. It's hard to take responsibility, but sincerely being interested and curious about what went wrong will help us to get it right the next time. So hit pause and write out what part you played in this failure. Be brave and curious and be honest about how you acted and what you can do next time to prevent it. Now finally, get familiar with sincere apologies. Amy says, done correctly, a good apology wields almost magical powers in repairing the damage failures cause. Here's a short excerpt from the last interview where Amy summarizes the tools to fail well, and she explains what a good apology entails.

I think for parents and for educators, educators, it's, you know, start by recognizing human fallibility and system fallibility as a given, right? That's the kind of the pool. That's the real world. That's the world we live in. Um, practice what I'll call sort of critical failure skills, like persisting in hard things. If you try something new or you take calculus and You know, it's going to be hard. You're going to persist. You're willing to persist through setbacks, through failures. Self-reflection and collective reflection, whether through those kinds of, you know, after-action reviews or just your own. You might keep a journal. You might be honest with yourself about what you're doing, what you're learning, and taking accountability. You know, when something goes wrong, take a look at, hmm, how did I contribute to that? And how did other factors contribute to that? And be willing to look at both, not just how, oh, well, I was kind of a victim here because, because, because. And also, you know, master the sincere apology because it will come in handy and it is important.

So when you say sincere apology, what are the components of a real apology that works?

It's first, it's acknowledging something went wrong, that harm occurred, small harm or bigger harm, and acknowledging your own role in it, right? Not making excuses, but saying, I came up short in some way and whatever that was, or I was careless or I was not thinking. It's, it's really taking responsibility. Resist the temptation, which is ever present to make an excuse. It wasn't my fault because just do it. And then in many cases, offer to make amends. Like, you know, I will not be late again, or what can I do to, to help make it up? Right? So it's just a kind of open, honest, willingness to, to own your part in it.

And it takes practice, right?

It does take practice. And you know, the beauty of a good apology is it not only helps the person that you may have harmed, but it actually helps you. You know, it turns out there's research on this. It makes you feel better, more whole, uh, more positive emotions as a result, because really what you're doing is, is repairing the relationship. Just a little, it had a little tiny harm to it and now we can kind of make it whole again.

And isn't that also where confidence grows, where you can actually be aware of yourself, aware of your shortcomings, aware of your faults, and then be able to admit it? I think the most confident magnetic people are the ones who can sit there and say, oh yeah, I know that about myself.

Absolutely. So, um, it's so attractive.

So to sum it up. The 4 tools for failing well are persist, reflect, be accountable, and practice making an excellent and sincere apology. So I hope you enjoyed that exercise and keep practicing these 4 tools so that you can get better and better at failing well.

Thank you so much for listening. Please forward this to a friend, a family member, and anyone who needs to stress less. And soon enough, you'll be surrounded by more Zen people. Your support makes everything possible. So subscribe and head on over to YouTube to my Fall Asleep Easy channel to get a good night's sleep and for more lifestyle medicine tips. Sign up for the newsletter to get the podcast episodes and extra tips right into your inbox. Until next time, this is Dr. Juna wishing you and your loved ones wellness.