Dr John A. King Live

Hello, TikTok.

Hello, TikTok. We should be there. We're streaming, streaming, streaming, streaming. And then we come here and we go live here. Then we go live here. Now that should be broadcasting like in landscape. Okay. It just looks weird.

Just for the moment. Usually it changes. Well, this one's still doing something.

Doing its thing.

Yeah.

How you doing, folks? Welcome to Finally Friday.

Finally Friday. We made it.

Yes, we did. All of us collectively. So we hope your week's well. The aim of Finally Friday is to, if we do it like that, change the view, give us an idea of what we're looking at.

Yeah.

The aim of Finally Friday is to celebrate the fact that we have come to the end of our week.

Yes.

Collectively, creatively. Well, that's better. Look, I think it's on Instagram. It's a bit better.

TikTok there.

So, well, let's try that. Just trying to work out cameras. So yeah.

So, hi, Nick.

Hey, Nick. How you doing, man? John and Mrs. John. Exactly.

That's how that goes.

Hope you're well, man. Hey, see you at Man Church this Saturday, brother. Tomorrow, 8 o'clock. Hop on. Been missing you, man. Love to see you on there. It'll be great.

So we're doing Finally Friday, Nick. Grab a beverage.

Grab a beverage. And we will, um, we'll get on to it. So the aim of Finally Friday is to celebrate the fact that we have finally got Friday.

Woohoo!

And we love to talk about a week, tell you guys what we've been doing. We've got some great updates on Deal With It, the book, and the re-release on that. We've been talking with our partners Wisdom OS about what's happening there. And so that's exciting. Good news on the agent front for the 2 novels that are going out. And we just did a fun thing this afternoon.

We did. We went painting. We went out and we sat on the back deck at the country club and painted a little tiny view of the golf course.

So before we get into how— well, you show them how awesome the paintings is and I'll talk, I'll talk to them about it.

Okay.

Why and how we do that.

Yes. So little slice of the golf course and then there was a cool, like, blooming something down there. So I painted that as well.

So, so the wife, the Mrs. John being married to the writer knows there's nuances about being married to a writer and she'll get to go next on what that's like. But this is what it's like being married to a painter. You go through the week and we've got a day, she's got a day a week where she knows she's able to paint. And she sometimes forgets between months. She normally paints on Monday.

I do normally have a studio day on Monday.

And so she's pretty sure she forgets what it is to paint between Tuesday and Monday and Sunday. I forget to paint. I don't know what to do. So often I like to go and try and help facilitate a creative process. So this afternoon, we just decided, let's go plein air as Landscape Artist of the Year says. And we decided, let's go to the country club and sit there overlooking the golf course, watch all these people run around in the heat playing bloody golf in Texas.

It's so hot.

So bloody hot. And so they were doing that, and then it was like, okay, well, let's do that again.

So, it was very enjoyable. We stayed, we were, we made it an hour. We were in the shade, of course, with like, there was a fan over us, but So it was enough time to do 2 paintings, and my paint was all sticky because it was so hot. And but it was great fun.

It was great fun. It really, it really was great fun. So we're just having a problem with Mel's Instagram site.

So— Oopsie daisies.

Gotta restart that again.

Sorry, Instagram.

Us.

So finally Friday, other creative things from the week. Um, I did quite a lot of work on a commission that I've been working on.

Uh, talk to them about that and how that's been a challenge.

It is. Uh, so it's, it's a wonderful interruption to my— so you have this sort of creative trajectory that you're on, and I typically paint like chickens and, you know, weird birds and like fun things. Um, and a lot of things from my imagination. And so we had a friend of ours who said, hey, could you paint? Um, it's, it's a photo of her and her husband. Uh, but like, she wants 2 separate paintings, not them together. And so, and they're very, they own a ranch and, you know, so sort of cowboy look. And I, first of all, I don't normally do people, but the reason I took the commission was like, okay, this will stretch me. It'll be great. You You know, um, and so—

No, it's not.

We're just in the angsty part of the process right now of trying to learn to paint people and also learning to paint commissions because I'd not really done that before. So, you know, taking— having a brief to work to or whatever is a whole new experience for me. So, um, so it's been a bit—

Sometimes if you're married to a creative All the best. Sometimes you gotta help facilitate that process and do it in such a way as it's a win. And so we just went up there, we sat outside, we had some water, and we just painted. And so what that does is just help. I've noticed with Mel, if she gets another day outside of the mud, even if it's only an hour to do it, then it really helps her soul.

It does. It invigorates me. And then when I do get to Monday, I don't have to, like, sort of drum up all this creativity. I'm like, I've been rejuvenated by, even if it's just simple little sketching or painting in the sketchbook or, you know, whatever. I come to Monday feeling excited about what I'm gonna paint.

And I find that with writing as well. Like, Monday's a day I've got set aside just for writing. But, but if I don't get a chance to write during the process, if I don't get a chance to Even just an hour, like you said. Even just an hour, 2 or 3 times a week to try and do it, then it— what, what I find is that things become stale to me and I lose sense of— I lose a place in my characters. Nick is liking this thing crazy. Thank you, Nick.

Thank you, Nick.

Hey, everyone like it. Apparently, we win like points or something with TikTok.

Oh, wow. Thanks, Nick.

Yeah. Loving it, man. Thank you. And so, so what I find is if I dedicate this one day a week, which is full writing, and I write on Saturdays, Sundays, I write every time that I can get a spare free space. So literally, if I'm between appointments and I've got an hour, I'll write, I'll write for my novel because I think it's like, if it's like anything, if you're passionate about it, you'll try and find time. And we're both at a stage in life where we're repositioning ourselves for the next 20 years. And we wanna be full-time. We, well, we are, the fact is we are full-time artists and writers and we support ourselves doing other things. And we're, we're wanting to see our art transition over into it being part of how we generate income to live and, and, and be passionate about our dreams.

So, so we're both full-time creatives who do other things as well.

And let me encourage you, If you're a writer or an artist of any— what, musician, whatever, don't say that you're a part-time anything. You know, it's like, it's like when I talk about my indigenous heritage or Mel's indigenous heritage, Cherokee and Wara-Mungu, indigenous Australian. You're not part indigenous. I just am indigenous. You're not part an artist. You're not part a musician. You're not part a writer. You're not part a painter. You are a painter. And you, it is what you do. If it is what you do and if it is your passion, if it's just a label that you like, then I want to encourage you to reposition how you see that. And I want to encourage you to refocus your life. If that's where you're wanting to go, then put your intention on that. We had a great conversation with our friends Matthew and Michelle with Wisdom OS. We're their business partners together. And it's been a journey for us just focusing on this is what we wanna do. And it's great having friends that you can bounce those things over. It's very, it's, it's been very productive for us.

It has.

So speaking of books, Deal With It, you know, Deal With It's been on sale and available for, for years now. And so what we've done is we took it down because Gina Magee is shopping it to large publishing houses. And we're wanting to bring it back out again and re-release it. And I wanna encourage you, if, if so, so deal with it. It's a memoir, but, but I like to see it, we like to see it as duct tape for the soul. It deals a lot with my trauma, my background. I was trafficked as a kid, abused, a whole range of horrible things like that. And, um, so I had recall of that back in 2008. 2008. And I've been in recovery for Probably, I don't think you ever get recovered from something like trauma. I think you get tools in your toolbox and you overcome it. And so we've been in a process of learning that. We've spent about 15 years in— 15 years and about $300,000. And a lot of that, all that information is in Deal With It. And we're just re-releasing Deal With It. And if you want to go to drjohnaking.com, join the—

Book launch list.

Book launch list, then when it comes out, We will sign a copy and send it to you. And what's unique about this is that at the end of every chapter where I talk about what I, what I went through, Melissa talks about how we went through it together, about as a couple what we did, because the power of the partner is absolutely incredible, um, and vitally important, uh, for, for recovery. So Deal With It is a really practical book on the recovery process. And what's interesting, and, you know, being a little bit, you know, sitting outside yourself, is, is seeing this phase of recovery. John 1.0 before recall, John 2.0 during recovery, and now coming up to John 3.0 and wanting to say, what's next for our life? And I think that's very important if you've been through a major, um, major traumatic event, is what does life beyond look like?

Mm-hmm.

And you've gotta have that vision and you've gotta have that focus and you've gotta have that hope.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes. We've had a lot of people tell us that even though they didn't have any sort of PTSD diagnosis or anything like that, that they found the book really helpful, even in just that is like, um, how do I craft the life that I want to have? And what does that look like? How do I get there? How do I structure my day? How do I Um, you know, how do, how do I work with my partner to accomplish the things that we both want, both together and individually, you know, the things that we want?

So, um, so if you've got questions, please put them down on Instagram or on TikTok and, and, um, on Facebook, YouTube. And we, we'd love, we'd love to talk about that. So, um, Nick, trauma and grief are the 2 hardest things to deal with. They really are. And we understand that we're dealing and processing grief at the moment. Melissa just lost her sister-in-law. I just had a mate die 2 days ago. And then before that, I had a brother die like this. It's been 12 months of really processing grief. And so I think if you're in a stage where you're dealing with a grief period, then I think it's very important that you give yourself time and room. room.

I think space to— John calls it sitting with something. You know, you sit with the emotions that— because grief is like, it comes in waves and it like washes over you. And there's all these different emotions that play out. Um, we always encourage people to write things down. Um, you know, that really helps. Yeah.

Um, my brother's told me this, Justin Still, Justin Waitra in, in Warramungu. MJ, when my brother was, when my brother was alive, and they taught me so much. And the concept of sitting with grief in Western society, we wanna run from grief. We wanna put a fancy suit off, go and stand in a funeral home for 15 minutes, the shorter the better, because we don't really wanna unpack our emotions. And then we just wanna bugger off. And so I think what happens is if you're really close to these people is you're left with things. To deal with, to face. And one of my brothers, Junior Dave, he called me this afternoon and said, hey, how are you going with the passing of so-and-so? And I said, man, look, I'm not sure. You know, I'm just sort of going through this. Well, you know what? I'll give you a couple of days and we'll circle back around and have a chat. And I think that's a very important acknowledgment. And even with family members' passes, is not forgetting their name. Being able to talk and, and connect with them and discuss the person who passed and being comfortable with that.

You know, I saw a quote from a, it was a lady, she's 70 years old, 72, I think. Um, and she said, you know, she had occasion to deal with grief in her, you know, longer life. And she said that she felt like the greatest joy Was the fruit of grief well lived. She's like, if you live well through that and you move through it, that there is joy on the other side. And it's only after, like, going down do you appreciate coming back up.

You know, Psalm 23 talks about, like, walk through the valley of the shadow of death.

It—

you're supposed to walk through the valley of shadow, not buy timeshare in the bloody thing. It needs to be a passage through to get to the other side. And I think when pro— and, and Nick, you know, when you talk about trauma and grief, I think that's very much a part of the process is understanding that you are on a journey. And as you go through this journey, it's very important to keep going through the journey and understanding you're gonna get to a point when the sun's gonna rise. And you've, you've gotta be able to do that. You gotta be able to journey through like that.

And, and Understand that you are in motion, you know, like you're, you're moving through something. It's not always going to be like it is right now today.

Yeah, that's it. That's very good.

And one step in front of the other. Even when we were in early days on John's recovery, he's like, I don't, I don't care if I have to fall and crawl, I'm going to keep moving forward.

And we did that for years. It's like, it's like You know, people talk about one step forward, two steps back, or two steps forward, one step back. I was literally down to inches. If I can just make it like on my belly crawling forward 6 inches, then I'd be happy.

Yeah.

And I think that's part of it. And, and if you're going through it, have a look at Deal With It. Go to drjohnaking.com, hop on the launch list, and we would love to sign a copy and send it to you. And we'll, we'll email you when it's coming out, and, you know, we'll go through all that, all All the rigmarole and talk to you all about what we're doing. I've got a bloody fly in my whiskey.

Oh no! Do you want me to help you get it out? No, no.

That's just gross. It's a very drunk. I hope it likes Irish whiskey because oh no!

I don't know if you should drink that now.

It'll be fine.

Sanitized.

Sanitized. It's definitely disinfected. Oh boy.

So anybody else have any questions for us?

We had someone last week ask us, ask, thank you, ask us, ask us during the week about what are 3 things that we've found that help us in our weekly creative process. So do you wanna start?

Yeah, for me, wow, I say a big one is structure. Like, I, I Structure my schedule so that there's room for that creativity. I know every Monday I wake up and I get to walk into my studio and be there, and whatever happens happens. Like, whether or not I'm having a great painting day or not, like, I have that time set aside. So I— structure is important for me.

It is structure. Um, and I think preparing yourself, like, Like, if you've got that time set aside, you're going to go in there, like, like, get to bed early.

Yeah.

And get up early and expectant. So, so be intentional about it. I've got this time. I'm going to go in there and set yourself up for a win. Like, turn your phone off. Don't pick your phone up first. Don't take calls that day. Don't check your email. But, you know, what have you got and where are you going and how are you going to get there?

I think, I think that a lot of that. So to encapsulate that, I would say intentionality. Is that what you think? So, yeah, because like on Sunday night, I know my painting day, my studio day is coming. I always make sure the kitchen is clean when I go to bed because when I get up in the morning and I come into the kitchen and I wanna wash out brushes or do whatever, I don't want it to be dirty. Yeah.

You know, and so You wanna make coffee and go.

Yeah. Intentionality. Yes.

So structure, intentionality.

Yeah.

What would, what would you say would be number 3?

I, I have a lot of, well, I don't know about your process with writing, but I have a lot of exercises that I go to, to either warm up creatively. If I walk into the studio and I feel just, you know, I have a lot of sort of things in my back pocket to warm up. You know, I'll do a sketch with my left hand. I'll, you know, I'll go— if I'm feeling really stuck creatively, I'll go to my husband and he like gives me a game, like makes it a game. Like he's like, put 3 dots on a piece of paper and he's like, okay, now you have to make a painting out of these dots, you know, or whatever.

Right.

And so, um, I have all these little tricks in my back pocket to get to jumpstart me, I guess.

Yeah, that's good.

I don't know if writers have that though.

Oh, mine is to edit what I wrote before. So if I've written, so I, I did some writing Monday, I got an hour in Tuesday, but I've been just so busy. We've got Man Church coming up tomorrow. So I've been preparing for Man Church. So that's where my writing was yesterday because normally I get a couple of hours in. So we're not, and we've gotta clean closets.

We're cleaning closets this weekend.

And the garage.

Yeah.

So congratulations. And the closets as well.

We, we sound like we have a really exciting weekend prepared.

Yeah, really. But when it comes to Monday, like Mel's got these exercises, I will go back to what I wrote last time and I've got a chapter. I'm up to chapter 27 that I'm editing for Gina. And I'm gonna start. I was got halfway through that Wednesday or Tuesday when I looked at and I thought I've got to stop. I'll go back and I will reread chapter 27, and then I will start again. So I will deliberately make the decision, and I made the decision when I when I stopped editing that chapter, and that's a very important, particularly for writing, is making a decision to not try and complete this chapter in a rush. And I'm stopping here. I know I've got I need another three hours on this chapter. to finish it up. So I'm gonna stop. And so when I come into Monday, having— we get up slow on Monday, we have coffee on Monday, we don't actually go to the gym, we don't leave the house on Monday. So we stop then and we go, okay, now I'm gonna go back. And what I do is before I'm even in my shed to write, I am in the mindset about chapter 27 and, and I go that way. So that, that helps me with that process of being creative.

Getting back in the flow.

Yeah.

I feel like if you get a chance to write, Several times a week, it's almost like you stay in contact with your characters. Yes, he's like having this ongoing conversation with this cast of characters, and I feel like if you don't get to write all week and you come to Monday, you've lost touch with them, and you have to like get back and have a chat with.

Hey Mike, how you doing, man? On YouTube, good to see you there, mate. We got a bunch of people on Instagram and TikTok. So if you've got any questions, drop them in about the creative process. About processing trauma. We've got a free talk coming up. When is it?

August 27th.

August 27th is part of the Phoenix Collective. We'd love to invite you along again. You can get that information on drjohnaking.com.

Yep. Go to drjohnaking.com. It's all there on the front page.

And the aim with the collective is to help take these 16 years of knowledge that we develop, you know, helping people with trauma I.e., us, and passing that on. So, you know, you're more than welcome to come along and pop on and be a part of that whole conversation.

Anybody else have any, like, exciting plans for the weekend? I don't know if you're gonna top clean out the garage and clean out the house.

Yeah, no, that'd be very hard to speak up against abuse. Joint, how are you?

Good to see you.

Jag in the future. Monodoc Galbo. Good on you.

Hi, everyone.

So yeah, you probably can't top. That's probably why they're not saying anything.

Yeah, they don't have anything.

Top finally in the garage and and then next week we're painting the deck.

So you know, just getting all squared away. It's been a very busy summer so far, and we have. Had a list of like house things that we wanted to get to, and we had not.

So speak up against abuse says I've read all your books.

Good.

How are you? Well, thank you very much. Hey, why don't you come along to our our free talk? Drop DM me when you when you get off this, and I'll send you a link. And I'd love to have you and invite you along, and have and just you know. connect with you. Love to. Thanks so much for reading the books. I hope they've been helpful. Yeah.

Yeah, that's awesome.

I think when people hear that we're full-time authors and writers, they think magically all of the rest of the life like does itself. Stephen King makes a gazillion dollars a year. Like I paint my own deck.

Yeah, that's how that goes.

Well, she paints the deck.

I do. I, I enjoy, I enjoy staining and painting things. Yeah, it doesn't matter.

You turn up at our house and she'll probably paint you as you're standing there.

You know, I, so we have the closets this weekend and the deck next weekend. Then probably the week after that, I've got a, I got a lot of paint touch-ups to do around the house. So there's that.

Mike just told us he got his track certificate with McLaren yesterday.

Woo!

Come on, big guy. Well done. Look at you, man.

That was like midweek too. That wasn't even—

Yeah, I know. Really? So I'm painting the deck and you're driving McLaren.

Yeah. Good one. We're cleaning out the garage. Nice. Well done.

That's really exciting for you, man. So he works down at McLaren. In Fort Worth.

And, uh, so cool that, that he jumped on our Finally Friday. Right.

And Speak Up Against Abuse says, thank you for helping with my PTSD and getting myself together.

Nice.

It's a journey, isn't it?

It's so nice to hear from somebody that's been helped.

Because you sit in a bit of a vacuum.

We do. We sometimes, we feel like we're sort of shouting into a void. A void. So, oh boy.

Yeah. So has anyone got any questions on trauma recovery? Recovery without— so do you wanna talk a little bit about your thoughts on recovery? Good morning, Mama Abbott. How you doing in Australia?

Good morning.

Come on up. Your mob down there.

Mama B and T, I think, is what that says. Oh yeah, I'm pretty sure.

Oh, that's cool. Did you want to talk about artist recovery tools?

Oh yeah, artist therapy. Um, there are a lot of different programs out there for artist therapy. I've not ever been certified. I've thought about doing that. Um, but I believe that creativity taps into that part of our brain that causes us to feel peace, and there's a lot of science behind that. And, um, so when you do have sort of the racing thoughts or, um, you know, fight or flight, you know, you're in overdrive, that one of the ways to, uh, help your body come out of that is to do creative things, whether it's drawing or painting or coloring with crayons.

Because it enlivens another part of your brain.

Yeah.

And, um, I, I know when I when I first had recall of what happened to me as a kid, whole aspects of my brain became enlivened, like writing poetry. I spent the first 7 years writing poetry and it was a very impactful time.

And, um, oh, that's great. Good on you. So Mama said, um, she's doing, uh, Healing her panic attacks doing art therapy. So that's—

What sort of things do you do? Let us know what sort of things you do.

Yeah. Let, let us know what sort of exercises you're doing.

And we'll pass them on to the universe as we know it.

Yeah. I would love to facilitate that.

Yeah. Tell everybody what your ideas are and how you cope. And so we might talk about that on one of our, um, our Phoenix Talks. Um, is artist therapy and, and, and talk about that and how, how art as a therapy. Because if you think about it, so, um, PTSD, it's, it is a, a physiological change that happens within the brain and aspects of your brain close down and other aspects get heightened, like the fight and flight response. And so what, what art does is it literally forces your brain out of one side, which is the left side.

The left side.

Into the right side, the creative aspect of things. So you're in the left side being fearful.

And calculating all the possible things that could go wrong.

And all this stuff forces you to go across into the right side of your brain. And frequency medicine we found very helpful. And then, And there's a couple of others. So, well, I don't know what that someone's asking us to invite you to co-host with one other. I don't know what that is. So Michael's got a great question. So what was I halfway through speaking on something that, oh yes, I'll come back to you, Michael. We'll go over here.

Mama B&T says you have, she has a junk journal that's like messy scrapbooking. So the collecting also distracts me when I'm out. I'm excited to look for things for my art. I also draw.

Yeah.

That's wonderful. That's perfect.

We have, we have a collection of journals that we take everywhere and just doodling or drawing or writing thoughts and poems. That is, is great. So Michael's asked the question and I wanna put it to everyone here. He says, how do you handle people needing autonomy and anonymity? Sorry. When discussing, you read it.

I got anonymity. When discussing trauma, when someone, uh, wants to talk about it, but that openness is really scary and they don't want others to know, how do we handle that?

We— How did I handle it? You ran at the bloody thing.

Yeah, you did. You just— the way John handled it was to run at it and like make a documentary about his story.

Yeah, tell the entire universe.

That's not the recommended approach for everyone.

No, no. With, with your case, mate, I, I would find someone you trust.

Yep.

And, um, have a conversation. Someone who understands and knows. It might be a therapist. Um, if it's going to be, be a pastor at a church, they have to have some sort of experience. Even a therapist has to have some sort of experience. One of the challenges I found with trying to find a therapist when I was going looking for one at one stage is that they didn't really understand what it was. And a lot of my mates, veterans, police mates, is they're talking to people that have come out with degrees but have got no life experience. So anonymity, when discussing trauma, you can do some of that online.

Mm-hmm.

But at some point, you know, and there's a great series of talks out there about vulnerability being courage. And I think, I think at some point you've got to understand that your scars of shame have to be allowed to graduate into medals of honor. And you've got to be able to be prepared to have a conversation with someone about getting forward. The concept of dragging something from the darkness into the light, the moment you drag it from the darkness into the light, the fear of it goes away. And the moment you start talking with a trusted source about what it is you're challenged with, and we do a lot of this in coaching, we, we coach people and that's why we developed the Phoenix Collective, is to try and help people like this, Mike. Is that part of that process is talking to people and helping them through it. And you've gotta find someone you can walk through it. You cannot, I personally believe you cannot overcome trauma by yourself. It's a very lonely place. It's a very isolated place. And the power of a partner, if you don't, if you're in an intimate relationship, and this is one of the things when my first marriage broke down, is that my first, the previous administration just couldn't cope with the thought that, that what happened to me as a kid and couldn't cope with the challenges it was being married to. The ramifications.

The ramifications.

How it affects you as a person. Because, you know, abuse or trauma trauma more often than not is what is done to you, not by you. And so, you know, when you, when you're dealing with someone who is not prepared to understand that or accept that, and they're blaming you for the trauma that's happened, or they're not prepared to be compassionate about it, it ain't ever gonna happen, you know?

Yeah. So I, I think to answer your question about anonymity, like, we, So we have our open calls. Like, this is how we do it anyway. We have our free calls with the Phoenix Collective where people come and they can just listen to— we're speaking about some certain topic or whatever. And, and people don't typically share, you know, in an open forum if they're not comfortable. A lot of people opt for one-on-one coaching with us. Yeah. And so that's how we do that. We Do it via Zoom or, you know.

So Speak Up Against Abuse on Instagram talks about, I write poems and now help other people that have been trafficked. And I think that's a great way to do that. I think just being prepared to have a conversation because like Mike was saying, you know, I know Mike, Mike's just an incredible guy. He's so talented, so gifted, um, in so many ways. And he, he's a, he's a man's man and he finds it very, you know, he, you know, he's out here getting a track certification with McLaren. So he's obviously not scared. And yet there's areas of his life that he finds fearful to embrace with other people. So I, I think that's very important. You've gotta understand that there's people, you are surrounded by people that are more fearful about talking about what you think is the worst thing in the world.

Yeah.

That, and I'm constantly surprised I meet people and think, oh, they should have their shit together. Obviously they don't. Um, and, and I think— hey, Josh, great, mate, thank you for that. Speaking Up Against Abuse is a long name to say. Appreciate you, mate. And I think, um, you know, it's— I think that's very important.

Yeah, I do. And I think, um, what you do a lot of times, so, um, it seems so naturally for you to just talk about things, and, um, it's It's actually very taxing.

It's very taxing and difficult.

Yeah.

And Mike was just saying that there's a, there's a leap going from online talking to actually saying it out loud.

Yes.

Yeah, it is, mate. Absolutely.

There is.

Because you can't go back from that. You can hide behind the anonymity that sits with an online chat or talking to— and let's talk about AI as your counselor and therapist. Like, you ready? Fucking just don't.

No.

Just don't do it. Um, AI is a narcissist and it will tell you exactly what you wanna hear.

Yeah.

And, um, it could point to mo— some modalities and therapies. And, um, Josh just pointed out your book helped me. Thanks, mate. And I don't know if you've got one, Mike, but get yourself a copy of Deal With It, Man. And, um, I think, you know, the, the ebook is like $9 or something. If you want this, this copy, I'll sign you one and send it out to you. It's, Just go on and get on the list, mate. And when it comes out again, I'll, I'll let you know or drop by for a beverage and I'll, I'll give you one. Um, well, you know, $25 or something. So, yeah, so there is a big leap, um, when you go from the anonymity of a social media group into—

Writing poems. I think a lot of your poems were anonymous when you first started. Yeah, they were.

Um, and yeah, and, but then I, but then I did this documentary and they wanted to blur my face and hide my voice and hide my name. And I thought, you know, at some point, I've got to allow these scars of shame to turn into medals of honor. The fact is I made it and I survived. And I think that's where we all have to do. So, Mike, you can go to the website now, mate, and download the ebook or put your name in the, what's it called again?

Book launch list.

Book launch list. And we'll let you know when the new version's coming out. And we'll sign a copy for you. So I think that's very important to do. I think we've all got to have the courage to face our demons down. And that's— let me park on this scars of shame into medals of honor. And I remember I would walk around and I would try and hide. I'd feel like everywhere I went, it was like excrement on a sacred altar. You know, I was just so embarrassed and ashamed of what had been done to me. And I felt I was carrying it. And at some point, I had to literally go. And I remember standing one day going, hang on, I made this. This wasn't done to me.

This was—

this wasn't done by me. This was done to me. I made it. I'm alive. I'm prospering. I'm, you know, I am, I am, I'm making it in life. And you've got to give yourself permission to celebrate that. And part of what we're concerned about when we don't talk about our past is what other people will think about us. And we've got to get beyond that because if you can't get beyond that conversation, then you're never going to fully heal.

I agree. And there's nothing more important in life than the story that you're telling yourself about yourself.

That's very good, babe.

And when you— very good. When you say those things out loud, like, this was done to me and this is what I'm dealing with as a result of it. You've, you've put that out there. It's almost like it— you got to get it out of you, and that's why you say it out loud and you put it out there. And then you get to the point of telling the different story: I survived, I'm prospering, I'm thriving. And that— I think that's the only way that you can start to change that story that you're telling yourself about yourself, is to get that You gotta wash all that out.

But, and the reality of what you're saying, um, mate, is that there's no going back once you put it out there. And that's true.

It is true.

But, but I wouldn't put it out there online.

No.

Because you can never take that back. I would put it out there with a trusted source.

Yeah.

And, um, find someone that you can sit down with and have a chat with and, um, have the purge. Have the purge.

Yeah, it's good.

Hustle Queen.

Hustle Queen. Oh, wow. Watching you on Stopping Traffic gave me the courage to speak out after 16 years, and first time I did was on the documentary Surviving Sex Trafficking. Congratulations.

Well done.

You're one of those run at it, run at the thing, hard things too. Yeah.

Yeah, that's great. Congratulations. Yeah. So what did you do in Hustle Queen? What did you do in terms of, um, You know, coming to terms with, you know, that fly I rescued from the whiskey.

It's alive. Oh, stop.

It's alive.

That bloody thing was just floating around drunk in his whiskey.

My whiskey.

And it's just— stop.

Sorry, Hustle Queen. Definitely, once you put it out there, it can never be taken back. Yeah, it's true.

And there were ramifications for that in John's life too. The first—

Like a divorce.

Well, there was that. But the first time he saw the documentary, we went to a screening. It was, that was tough.

But, you know, you tell your story and you're used to telling it in a very small space and then you see it on the screen with 350 people. It's like, oh shit, what have I done?

Yeah. So definitely can't take it back.

Yes, Joss, the fly was drunk.

Drunk. He flew away now.

Well, happy Friday to the fly.

That's hilarious.

So any other questions, folks? Anything else? We try and do this every Friday. It's around 4-ish.

4-ish. We're artists. What do you want?

What do you want? So, um, the next time we might do a painting live or something. Listening to them gasp at moments of my life was hard. Yes, it is.

Yes, it is. And we had— okay, so this, this is a story. We— the reason That Deal With It even exists was because every time we screened the movie, uh, like so many people came up to John afterwards and said, how are you not crazy? How did you make it through? And so he, he took all of the tools that he had put together in his toolbox and he put them in a book. And so that is, yeah, that's how Deal With It came about.

There's references to about 200 tools in the back of the book. A great friend of ours, Kathy, Sue Doherty put the toolbox together, and there's lists of, of, of books.

She's an academic.

She's an academic. She's totally academic.

So she knew all of the studies that backed up what John was saying. So it was really cool.

Talk, talk about all of that. And, wow.

Yeah.

That's true. She says a movie theater with over 200 people who knew me for over a decade and never knew that those things about me. And that is the thing. It's out there.

It's hard.

It is hard. And what's hard is going forward because I would say the vast majority of those people judge you and it's not positive.

Or you feel like they may be judging you, or, and even if they're not, I find that people think about me a lot less than what I worry about them thinking about me.

Josh was just saying that He still struggles and can't do touch. Okay, there's a great chapter in here, Josh. Go back and read the sex chapter because it talks about that. So you know you're not alone. But part of that is finding the right person and having honest conversations. And when you're talking about sex and sexuality, it's probably the topic that people don't talk about in father's sexual abuse and trauma. Because we'll talk about it, we'll go in documentaries about it. And when I— when we did a survey on these people, 175 of them, so the range with people who have been sexually abused, you'll find about 30% are hypersexual, about 30% are undersexual, and about 30% are just like asexual. They just, I couldn't be bothered with this thing. And so you've got to, got to be comfortable for where you are in the spectrum. And understanding that sex and sexual relations with inside a relationship is very important for the glue of that, that relationship is you've got to find ways to have conversations.

And even, well, even not, not just sex, but even affection, like holding hands, touch, you know, because sometimes that was a challenge for you in the early days. And we, we had to talk about it and I had to like So mine was compounded because I'm autistic.

So, and I find touch very hard. And autistic kids are, are 4 times more likely to be sexually abused than, than people that don't struggle with autism. So I had, I had these overlying and performance things. And then the way that I was sexually abused and all that sort of stuff was, was very performance-based. So you come through that, and I'm a Christian man, and, and you come through the church, and the church can't deal with mental illness and can't deal with sexual abuse. So you've got these compounding things that happen, and it it's sort of what blew my part of what blew my first marriage about. Even when I got married, I didn't know I'd been abused and all those sorts of things. And um and so when we I married I married a woman who physical intimacy wasn't important to her. Physical intimacy was very important to me because of my abuse. And it wasn't until I really married Melissa and she taught me that sex was a conversation. And it's, it's based, the basis of which is communication. And so that was very, very important to it. So Hustle Queen just asked what the name of the book is. It's Deal With It. Go to the website, drjohnaking.com. And put your name down in the book launch list. Book launch list. And the same with you, Mama. Put it down there. And because at the moment it's not available, but we're just about to rerelease it. And what we'll do is we'll invite you to a couple of events that are coming in. And then when it's released, we will sign you a copy. We'll both sign you a copy and send you out a copy. Send it out. So deal with it. Go to drjohnaking.com. And thanks, Hustle Queen. You know, it is a blessing. It's been a blessing to both of us. And Josh, you're talking about writing a book, mate.

He's talking about your book.

Oh no, he said, he said he's talking about writing a book. I think he's thinking of writing a book.

Oh, awesome.

So yeah, it's a process. And we'll be speaking about how to write books. If there's people out there and you're interested in how to write books, I've written 32 of them, nonfiction and 5 fiction novels. And we're going to bring a couple of people on. I'm gonna get my agent on and a few other authors on here and we'll be able to talk about what it is to be creative and how to write books and how to go about that process.

Yeah, the process of publishing.

So if that's of interest to you, then on Melissa's Instagram or my Instagram or on the other programs, please. Or there's an email on drjohnking.com.

There is.

There's, you can contact us via that.

Yeah. Send an email.

Send us an email and tell us, look, I'd like to talk about this. I'd, here, here's some questions I've got and, and we'll be able to do that. Hustle Queen, just go, if you could go to that list yourself and enter your email. On that list, she said. On the book launch list.

Oh yeah, it just asks for your email address, so we'll need that. Uh, yeah, just have her— do you want to just DM John?

And let me just put— unless we just put it—

put it in the link. Oh yeah, we could just put the link. Sorry, okay, I'm kind of new at this still.

There it is.

There you go. Oh, can you add it on the I don't know.

Can I?

Oh, oh, oh, it's so fancy. Okay, we're adding it to the live right now. Technology is awesome. Awesome, awesome.

There it is there. So there's the website. For you.

And book launch lists, send us an email if you have questions about writing the book process and all of that.

So we've got authors we can bring on, we've got some phenomenal artists we can bring on, we've got agents we can bring on, publishers we can bring on. So if any of these things are of interest to you, depending on your creative space, then we'd love to bring them on. And make them part of it. Yeah, for sure. I'm gonna put this on, on your Instagram as well.

Thanks. This has been a fun Finally Friday.

Yeah. So anything else before we like bugger off?

Congratulations to everyone for making it to Friday. And if you missed it at the beginning, we're cleaning out our closets this weekend. So that's exciting.

So if you've got nothing to do, no, that'd be pretty boring. I sent you a DM on another, please check. Yeah, shall do. Promise.

We'll do it. We'll do that.

Alright, you mob. Anything else? You're welcome, Mom. Not a problem whatsoever.

I'm so glad you found us today.

Yeah, it really is from down under. I was back there. When were we back there? We lived out, so we, I'd reconnected. You'll get this, Mama. Um, Wara Mangu man, uh, stolen generation, reconnected with my family for the first time.

In 2023.

In 2023.

And we, so we lived, uh, outback for about 9 months over 2024 and 2025.

So yeah, lived out with my family, met them. Um, it was one of the most, it's still something I have a hard time processing how you go from orphan to tribe. Um, it was, it's a thing.

It is a thing. I think we both have a lot of, uh, rich experience that we went through during that time that we have not unpacked. Yeah, I, it hasn't made its way into my art yet even. I made so many paintings and sketches while I was there. And I haven't revisited any of that work yet. It's like it's simmering sitting there.

So, Mama, Waramungu, Tennant Creek, halfway between Alice Springs and Darwin. That's my mob. So waramungunation.com if you're interested. So yeah, the depth of it's true, like, It was, it was a profound emotional and spiritual experience. Um, you know, it was, as Mel said, I, I've still, um, yeah, way up there.

Yes. Way, way, way, way, way.

With proper blackfellas, man, just wandering around out there.

No, no toilets.

No toilets. So I had all these deep spiritual encounters. Mel had no toilets and no air conditioning.

No shower.

No shower. Brown snakes eating goanna and kangaroo.

Fine.

Yeah. We should just have a whole conversation about that.

Beautiful though. The most beautiful place that I've ever had the privilege to live.

And the people are so beautiful.

Yeah.

I'm, I miss, I miss them. It makes me heartsick some days. I, I don't think about it. I think that's why I don't think about it.

Yeah. We sort of like put it, put it away. You know, yeah, interesting.

Interesting, right? Well, I'm out of whiskey and I've got a cigar to smoke. And so Man Church tomorrow, www.manchurchoonline.com. Um, and, um, love to have you there, fellas. Come along, it's men only. Come and have a hop on, 8 AM Central Time.

Central Standard Time.

So Josh, my niece was crying and she could not talk to anyone but me, and she asked me for a hug, knowing I do not do hugs, and we cried for an hour and she thanked me. Yeah. Perfect, Josh.

Great.

Big win, brother.

Big win. That was a big win for both of you guys, probably.

So Man Church tomorrow, manchurch.online, 8 AM. Love to have you fellas on there, and we'll be streaming it across the services, but it'll be a great time. Well, appreciate you.

Have a great weekend, everybody.

Cheerio. See you, love.

That was a good one.

102 viewers on TikTok.

We got 1,000 likes. Boom!

That was fucking Nick gone crazy, man.

Thanks, Nick. That was nice of him.

So we had 100 there. I don't know how to tell on these other platforms how many we had. It's telling us we had 4 views, which just isn't