Five People God Warns You Not to Help (and Nobody Preaches About This)

5 people God commands us not to help, and not many people preach about stuff like this. So let me give you the first big thought before we get into this. Sometimes when you help someone, it is actually enabling them and actually detrimental to them, and that can put you personally in disobedience to the word of God and even in danger of engaging activities and is detrimental to them. So the second big thought is Not all people are good people for you. You're not actually responsible for their spiritual growth and development. You're just responsible for what you are called to be able to do and to do the best you can. So if I told you that God commands us not to help certain kinds of people, would you believe it? We're constantly given the impression as Christians that we must help everybody and say yes to every request. and to anyone in need. But when you actually read the word, you discover something surprising. God does not approve of that kind of help. In fact, there are certain sorts of people that we shouldn't help. You're actually disobeying the word if you engaged in helping these people. The third big thought to start with is there's a difference between help and enabling. And sometimes we are— we— what we actually call help is sponsoring sin. and allowing behavior to continue that he's actually trying to address. We're feeding irresponsibility, and some— often we're shielding people from consequence of their action in their life that they're actually supposed to face and be confronted with. So let me address something before I start, because I posted this topic as a promotion on social media, and I got some pushback. I had people say things like, we're commanded to love everybody as we love ourselves. So therefore, this topic is not biblical. But notice that the title says people we should not help, people that we should not love. So people automatically misjudge and misread something. And the scripture— the scripture they're misquoting is out of John 13, where it says, a new commandment I give to you, that you love one another just as I have loved you. You also love one another. Now, that scripture doesn't say that we shouldn't interact with someone or come to someone's aid. It actually says that we should treat others as Jesus treats us. And and there are some ways that Jesus just doesn't interact with us. He chooses not to. He disengages from us. So we'll get to that at the end. The second thing they misquote is out of one Corinthians thirteen, where they talk about love and they misquote the Greek and they said that everyone should have agape for each other. One Corinthians thirteen: Love agape is patient and kind. Love agape never comes to an end. But but this is what I want you to hear: It is agape means that a love that is self-giving. committed purposeful goodwill, choosing another's good even when it costs you. It does not mean you're a pushover or a doormat, but sometimes turning your back on someone or leaving them to their own devices is the greatest, most selfish act you will ever do. For example, an alcoholic wife, a drug-taking spouse, someone who beats you up or rages at home. Sometimes you can't rescue those people. And you're actually not obligated to. So let's dive in. Five things. Number one is do not help a manipulator. Proverbs 12:22. Lying lips are an abomination to the Lord, but they that deal truly are his delight. Lying lips are our abomination. So the word lying from the Hebrew is deceitful or falsehood, to lie in vain and to be wrong. So God does not look at lies with pity. He actually says it's an abomination. He looks at them with disgust. And when you stop— when you support someone who is living constantly in deception, maybe without realizing it, you're not helping them. You're actually sponsoring their sin. The way lying lips often manifest is through manipulation, and that's what we would call a manipulator. A manipulation is not just how they are. It's a state of emotional neediness. And it's a sin. And the mistake I feel that most Christians make is thinking that loving someone means saying yes to everything, that we're obligated to fix people's problems. But Jesus didn't do that. Remember with the rich young ruler? He's got someone that— let's miss that one. Let's look at this one out of Luke 12. Someone in the crowd says, teacher, tell my brother to divide the inheritance with me. But Jesus said to him, man, who am I to be made a judge or an arbitrator between you? In other words, I've got nothing to do with this, so don't drag me into it. And often a manipulator will do that. They'll just drag you and pull you into a situation. And Jesus refused to get involved. He did not allow people to place him in roles that were not him. Listen, I'm not your judge. That's someone else's responsibility. I'm not, I'm not called to do that. If someone only remembers you when they need something, if they back you into a corner with guilt, and if you're a real Christian— and these are feelings you might even just have yourself, unstated ones— if you're a real Christian, You would engage and you would save me, or you will help me from that. Then you've got to push back with some boundaries. It's not a cry for help; it's manipulation. And helping a manipulation does not set anyone free. It actually exerts control over you, as opposed to them being responsible for controlling their own environment. Love is not saying yes to blackmail. So there you go. There's first headache for this morning. Here's second headache for this morning. Two Thessalonians three ten. Now this is a couple of verses here. Two Thessalonians three ten and eleven. If you've got a Bible, you should always have a Bible. Bring a Bible to Man Church because I could just make shit up. I've been known to do that on occasion. But get your Bible, have a look at it, take notes down, fellas, and then go back and check it out and have a heated discussion at the end. So 2 Thessalonians 3:10, for even when we were with you— Paul is saying this to a group of people in a church— we would give you this command: if anyone is not willing to work, let him not eat. It's a hard commandment. For we hear that some among you walk in idleness, not busy at work but busybodies. Some another fellow coming in. So I'm not talking about someone going through a hard time, struggling with unemployment to rebuild their life. That person deserves help. They deserve our encouragement. They deserve our prayer and support. I'm talking about the one who never takes a step Yet wants life to move forward for them. They're always asking for prayer. They're never bending their own knee. They're always asking for help, but never lifting a finger to help themselves. So pay attention to the wording here. It says that these people are not willing to work, and that is a difference that is massive. Some people suffer and they can't change that. They're faced with a bankruptcy or they're faced with an illness or a disability. But the sort of people that Paul is talking about are people who suffer because they choose not to make an effort. And what happens? You step in, you fix it, they feel relief. You think now they'll change, and they don't change. So next week they're back. You're helping again and again until one day you realize they're not trapped in hardship. you're trapped in a dependency. They're dependent upon you to answer all their situations and circumstances. And it goes on in this passage where Paul is talking to a church. He's talking to a group of Christians, and he says, not busy at work, but busybody. Some people have got 6 hours a day to sit on TikTok and death scroll, but they don't have an hour to get out and mow a lawn and make $40. So these people don't have anything to do with them. They're not the sort of people you should invest in. They're not the sort of people that you should even be giving your time to. And in fact, according to Thessalonians and what Paul is saying, once you do that and you do that with these types of people, you're actually being incredibly detrimental to them. You're giving them an opportunity to become dependent upon you. And who are you? Are you their savior? Are you their provider? Shouldn't they be going to God and Christ and trying to connect with that and working those situations out? Sometimes the fall you keep rescuing them from is the push that God is wanting to make to wake them up. Let me say it again. Sometimes the fall you keep rescuing them from is the push God is wanting to use to wake them up. I told my son when he turned 18 he was going to have to get himself a house. He was going to have to move out. I let him go through 19 and make excuses. And then at 20, I sold my house. And he said, Dad, what am I going to do? I said, for 24 months, son, I've told you're going to get your own house. He said, I'm just newlywed and I've got a new house. Said, you can sleep on the couch. But— and I sat him down, I said, son, I like sex and I like a lot of sex. And sometimes I have sex in the bedroom, sometimes I have it in the lounge room. So if you come home and the lights are off and the door's locked, then you better get prepared, boy. You better knock hard. So anyway, one, one One morning I come out, I've got to the gym at 5. My son is sound asleep in his car and I'm knocking on the window. What are you doing? He goes, well, Dad, the lights were off and like, I didn't want to come into the lounge room. I thought, okay. He found an apartment the next week. Sometimes us rescuing people is stopping them from growing into what they're called to be and who they're called to be. I wish my son was on the call for this. I'm gonna tape it and send it to him, I think. Point 3 is do not help the repeat fool. Proverbs 26:11, and this is— I love this verse, phenomenal. Like a dog that returns to his vomit is a fool who repeats his folly. Now, we've all been dogs eating our own vomit at one point or another. Now, this sort of person, the repeat fool, will drain your patience because unlike the lazy person who seems like he wants help, That's what the fool's— the fool isn't just lazy, but he's going, yeah, you know what, thanks very much for your input on that. You know what, that's a great idea. That's a tremendous opportunity. They'll nod. They'll— I really should do something about my life, and they'll do nothing. This time it's not any different. It's the same thing over and over again, like a dog who throws up perfectly good food and then wants to go around and eat it over and over again. It's disgusting and a total waste of time. The same mistake, the same empty promises, eating the vomit. Now you pray, you cancel, you send Bible verses, sermons, devotions. Nothing changes because the fool, he or she doesn't want transformation. They want relief and they want you to rescue them. And you can't help someone like that. Some people leave a terrible relationship just to go into another. They get out of debt to go back to spending straight away. They ask for prayer over sin, and yet nothing changes in their routine. They don't want deliverance. They want a handout, not a hand up. And the Bible's pretty clear is, look, just avoid those people because it's a waste of your emotional and physical resources. We've all got a limited amount of faith according to Romans, a little bit. We've got a small amount that we have of faith and determination, so we're going to spend it on people who want it spent on them. Or we're going to spend it on people who don't want to spend on them. So do you have to keep helping? Biblically, you help those who want to get out of a situation. You don't help those who just want to be carried, lie on a couch while you carry them. Doesn't help anybody. Proverbs 23:9, do not speak in the hearing of a fool, for he will despise the good sense of your words. That's just speaking. Your time is valuable. Your time is important. And what I actually think of here is when I'm spending time on a fool, someone who isn't going to change and isn't going to do something different, I think about the people who do want to change and do want to see something different that I don't have time to help because my calendar is completely booked. My day is completely filled. So often I think there's an opportunity for us to Not see this as a selfish act, but as an act that is actually giving us opportunity and more room to help somebody who really wants it. And you've got to make time in your calendar to do that, because if it's filled just with people who are codependent or dependent upon you, you're never going to have a chance to get to others. So point number 4, do not help the proud. So this is a tough one because sometimes it's hard to determine who's proud and who's not. But James 4:6 says, but he gives more grace. Therefore it says, God opposes the proud and gives grace to the humble. So if a fool wears you out by repetition, the proud wears you out by resistance. And I just can't be bothered wasting my time anymore with people who know everything. I just couldn't be bothered, man. You show them the scripture, you try and help them, they want to argue. You give them their advice, they roll their eyes. You warn them, they say, listen, I know what I'm doing. So here's the thing. I just say to those sort of people, bugger off and leave me alone because I don't know what I'm doing. I'm 62 and I, with humility, say I'm pretty successful at what I do in life. I don't know squat. I'm wise enough to know that I want to surround myself with smarter people. Now you let Mr. Fourth Person of the Trinity piss off and do it by himself. Don't waste your time anymore. It's just not worth engaging with conversations with those people because they're really not that productive. God actually says he opposes those and he resists those. So if God is not willing to help them, who are you, like Mr. Fourth Person of the Trinity? Don't get involved. Just don't do it. It's on God to work those people out. But he gives grace to the humble. Again, if we're occupied with the proud, we're not going to have time to give grace to the humble, the second chance to the humble. If we're fully engaged with arguing with the proud person who turns up at work The proud person who thinks they're doing you a favor by taking a paycheck, as opposed to the guy down the road who's just stumbling around and looking for someone to give him a chance. You've only got so much to go around. I suggest we invest in the humble because the humble's going to learn, the humble's going to grow, and the humble's going to want to walk with you forward. Remember the rich young ruler? So the rich young ruler— and this comes into Uncle John's heresies. This is one of my favorite heresies. I love this one. So the rich young ruler comes to Jesus and said, listen, mate, listen, I've done it all. I'm really good at stuff. And so what more? I've got it down. You and I are, we're just good. And Jesus goes, yeah, but I need you to sell everything and to walk away and do this. And so the rich young ruler, Jesus doesn't engage with him. He says, listen, you want this? You think you've got it? Yeah, but actually there's a couple of things you missed. I need you to go and attend to those. Sell everything, follow me, and then we can work it out from there. And when the rich young ruler walks away sad and despondent, Jesus doesn't follow after him and try and make a point of discussing him. So here comes the heresy part. All that other stuff's true, and I've got no scriptural base for this whatsoever. So let's— that's my disclaimer. But I did read a good book once by a guy called Bishop Dean out of England, and he follows the personality traits of the Apostle Paul. And he posed this question: What if the Apostle Paul was the rich young ruler? What if the Apostle Paul had come to Jesus at that stage, passionate for God, passionately believing in the Messiah, said, "Listen, I've done everything, Jesus. Can't I come and join your twelve?" And Jesus go, "No, mate. I need you to sell everything and then come along and follow me." And I just love that as a thought. Here is someone who had all the education, all the wealth, all the opportunity. It comes to Jesus and says. I should qualify on this. And Jesus said, you know what, I'm actually more interested in your character than your accolades, and I'm needing you to do these things. Now, Christ had no problem with wealth, position, or education. He was very clear on that. What he did have a problem is when we believe that those things were the source of our own salvation. And just as a thought, as a thought exercise, to follow that track to become the man who first of all crucified Christians, maybe because he was so angry Because Jesus rejected him, but then goes on to be the man who says, "I am not ashamed of the gospel." I think that is an incredibly interesting thought exercise. If you will cater to proud people, they will never evolve into who they're supposed to be because God can't do the work on them that He is wanting to do the work on. So point number last, number five, Proverbs 19:19: A man of great wrath will pay the penalty. For if you deliver him, you will only have to do it again. So the word wrath means furious displeasure, rage, anger, someone who bottles it up and then it explodes. I'm not talking about someone who defends the faith. I'm not talking about someone who— I'm talking about someone who creates conflict. They fight at work, they argue in traffic. Never done that on 114, have I? Yes, I have. What a stupid waste of time. stirs up trouble in the family, splits a church. They're never wrong, they're always the victim. That's how you can tell someone who has a problem with wrath. They're never wrong, they're always the victim. And you, with your good Christian heart, you think you should be the peacemaker. That's not what it says. It says that in this situation, if you get engaged with bringing about peace, you're only going to have a challenge again. So you've got to let that boat sink by itself. They don't want peace. What they want is attention. And if you put out the fire he or she started, get ready to put out another one tomorrow. And if you keep rescuing them, they— but you need to stop being the— you're not really a peacemaker, you're an accomplice in their wrath. So they're the sort of people you've got to put away from. The emotional energy you spend trying to negate the possibility of someone losing their crap. It takes a lot of energy and it's really not worth it at all. Sometimes the discipline those sort of people need is not a hug, it's their consequences. So now I've been in situations— this happened probably about 2 or 3 months ago, man. I was in a dark spot and I was out somewhere and someone was just a total dick. So I decided out of all the people in the universe to point out what a total dick they were. That was my job. I just had to tell them, you're a dick, Karen, you're a dick. And you know, everyone wanted to bar up, bro. I've never sat there praying, God, please let someone try and hit me, because I just wanted to go, man. I— life had bottled up. I mean, I— so I was just there with a mate. So anyway, my mate gets involved and talks the situation down, and we leave. Unfortunately, I'm with my mate, another mate, his wife, and my wife. So not a good situation, not a good situation. So anyway, I get home and I go, what the hell happened to me? And then I started to have a look at the phase that I was in. I'd had two brothers die. I had a whole range of situations and I hadn't processed any of those memories. I hadn't processed any of that grief. I just bottled it up and I exploded. I had to call my mate and sit down with my mate and say, I'm not excusing my behavior, but I need to unpack my behavior. Because I need someone to talk to about that. They're the sort of people, and I think that that guy is still a great friend, like a tremendous friend. We're having breakfast, him and his family, this coming week, and I'm glad that my friend saw me as someone he could help. But if I was to do that every week, at some time that guy needs to cut me loose because he's going to be standing up to defend his family in a situation that someone like me would have caused. And I just don't think that's how it should go. I think those sorts of people need to, if they're quarrelsome, they need to feel the weight of their choice. So I'm gonna open it up and I'll give you a recap. So I think I can do it this way. Do this? No, I don't. I do it this way. I push that button and I go ask all to unmute. I am so proficient at this. Matthew has been coaching me and I couldn't work out how to make someone else a co-host so they could do it for me. But anyway, So let me give you the summary of the 5 points, and then let's have a discussion about it. Tell me what you think. 5 types of people the Bible warns us not to help. The manipulator doesn't ask for help, controls. The lazy doesn't want change, wants comfort. The fool, the repeat fool, not the foolish person, but the repeat fool, keeps repeating the same cycle and uses you for relief. The proud wants a solution without admitting fault. The quarrelsome stirs up conflict and drags it in. So last thought, and then we'll open. The first scripture I quoted: A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another just as I have loved you. You also love one another. I don't know about you, but anytime I've been a manipulator, lazy, a fool, proud, or quarrelsome, God has beat my ass. It's not— I don't get a free pass on that stuff. So my reflection is, if God's going to beat my ass for it, then I can get around beating someone else's for it. And that is the love that he extends for us, and that's the love we should extend to someone else. Because I've come to believe that he knows more than me, and that's a position in my life I plan to stay at. So there you go.