Dr. John A. King says you're your own harshest judge, and holding yourself accountable helps. But over-apologizing and taking full blame for relationship problems backfires: your partner stops respecting the effort. Balance responsibility with clear talk about the work you're doing.
No one will condemn you for your failures greater than yourself. I talk about this a fair bit in Deal With It because I think it's something that we, we have to face. And I think that's a good thing. I think if you hold yourself accountable and you're the person that holds yourself the most accountable, it actually gives people around you permission to just relax. What I found in a previous relationship is I would hold myself to the highest standard. I'd apologize for everything. I'd say sorry for everything. I'd take full responsibility, and the response I got was not, you know, well done, I really see you're trying. It was, I say you should and you're never going to change. Uh, that sort of thing, a relationship is doomed in that environment. You need to be in a place where you can take responsibility, tell someone and show someone that you're working through it, and have the emotional support in order to grow beyond it into the better person.
