#126: Finding Your Sexual Power and Creativity with Susan Bratton

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Hi, I'm Dr. Tabatha, the Gutsy Gynecologist. I'm a triple board-certified OB-GYN and functional medicine physician. I've embraced the world of functional medicine and wellness through my own personal health journey, and I'm super excited to share my wisdom and unique perspective as it pertains to women's health. After caring for thousands of women, I've come to realize that your gut health determines your gyn health and your overall And it's a super gutsy thing for me to go against conventional gynecology practice to bring you the truth. No more Band-Aid medicine, ladies. We're talking root cause resolution on this show. So if you're struggling with hormone imbalance, weight gain, period issues, anxiety, insomnia, you name it, then you've come to the right place. And I want to be your gutsy gynecologist. So welcome.

Hi, Dr. Tabatha.

All right, ladies. Oh my gosh, this week's episode is on fire. So be prepared to open your mind a little bit and get ready to embrace the idea of enjoying sex again. So this is what I hear all the time from my patients and from you guys, my listeners, is I'm too busy, I'm too tired, I'm not attracted to my husband anymore. It's a chore. I, I have sex because I I have to, like, all of these things. And, you know, what happens is, at first, we're totally into the relationship. We got all of these, you know, hormones flowing, adrenaline, oxytocin. We're excited about having a new relationship and having all that intimacy. And then eventually reality sets in, right? We have children, our bodies change physically. We don't necessarily like how we look or how We feel because our gut isn't working, or we're having vaginal issues, or our period is a mess. And there's so many layers to us being sexually active and being— wanting to be intimate. And so my guest today is an expert at honing in on enjoying sex again, because really what happens is we go through all You know, those daily issues of life. We stop being intimate with our husband. We let our jobs and our families and our stress and all that stuff take over. We let all the negative talk about our bodies take over, and we start building a wall up between our partner and ourselves. And so I often see women resenting their husbands because they're still able to enjoy sex and you're not. You know, you look at it as a chore, like something you have to get done, or you're not interested, or you're in an avoidance pattern because it's uncomfortable. You don't want to share your body because you don't like how you feel or look. So many layers, so many reasons. And this can literally destroy marriages. It does on the daily. And so it's really a gift to you, to your, to your marriage, to your children if you figure this out and figure how to enjoy sex and create, um, an intimate relationship with your husband that you want to be in again. And so You know, this is not something dirty. This is not something to feel ashamed about or embarrassed to talk about, the fact that you don't enjoy being intimate, you don't enjoy sex, because there are solutions. It is completely possible for you to enjoy sex and to connect with your husband or your partner and to rebuild that relationship. And so I really want you to take this to heart today. Listen to what my guest has to say. Go on her website, check out her stuff. She has so many amazing resources depending on where you are in your relationship with yourself and with your partner, what your issues are. She's going to talk about the difference between libido desire and the ability to orgasm and enjoy sex. She's going to talk about the 20+ ways you can orgasm, and she's going to give us a full-on anatomy lesson. So this was really cool for me. Like, I loved this episode, and I think that we need to talk about this stuff more because what I see every single day with my patients, and I hear from you guys, is I don't have time for that. I don't enjoy it. It's not on my priority list. And part of it is just our mindset toward it, but part of it is that our partner doesn't know how to pleasure us, and so we don't enjoy it, and so there's no desire to want to do it, right? So she— Susan, my guest today, can teach you how to teach your partner how to pleasure you, and they actually want to. That's the, you know, maybe misguided thought is guys just are in it for themselves and they don't really care. But when I've, you know, polled the men, they do care. They do want to please you, and they find you attractive even with your mom bod and all the changes you've been through. They still see you As the beautiful woman that they fell in love with, and they just want to please you and feel like they did a good job. So I love this episode. I think it's really helpful. Check out Susan's links. Let me just shout her out before we get going here. Susan Bratton is intimacy expert to millions. She's a champion and advocate for all those who desire intimacy and passion their whole life long. So she is co-founder and CEO of 2 corporations, Personal Life Media, a publisher of heart-connected lovemaking techniques and bedroom communication skills, and The Twenty LLC, which is a manufacturer of organic and botanical supplements that enhance sexual vitality, which she's going to talk about those supplements today. It's pretty awesome. She's a bestselling author and publisher of 34 books and programs, including Sexual Soulmates, which you should start with, Relationship Magic, Revive Her Drive, Ravish Him, Steamy Sex Ed, The Passion Patch, Hormone Balancing, and Hot to Trot. Susan has been featured in the New York Times, on CNBC, and the Today Show, as frequent appearances on ABC, CBS, the CW, Fox, and NBC. You can find the Susan Bratton Show at betterlover.com, her personal shares on Instagram @SusanBratton and her Lust for Life supplements, Flow and Desire, at the20store.com. So all those links are in my show notes. And she's going to talk about what these supplements can do for you physically, but she's also going to talk about her resources and really figuring out what area you need help with. To get back to making love and having a strong, beautiful relationship. And she's got the resources for all of it. So she is fabulous. I love her. She's not afraid to just tell you the truth and say it like it is. So she's going to give us an anatomy lesson, like I mentioned. So if you're listening to this on a podcast, you might want to go to my YouTube channel, The Gutsy Gynecologist, and watch it because she has— some, um, some pictures, and she's going to show us vibrators and different products. So super fun. Go check it out on YouTube at The Gutsy Gynecologist, and don't forget to hit the subscribe button so that you can get notifications and keep getting all of this amazing information that you're not getting from your regular gynecologist. So here we go. Well, welcome Susan to The Gutsy Gynecologist Show.

My gutsy gal, my gal friend. How are you doing today, Tabatha?

Oh my gosh, I'm so excited for you to be here.

Me too. We've been looking forward to doing this show together. We're covering so many things that I think women just aren't even aware are out there for them to support them in having ageless sexuality. So, uh, thanks for giving me the opportunity to connect with the people who love you because I know there are a lot of them because you are so lovable.

Oh, thank you. Yeah, I was listening to you on another podcast once and you were describing my typical patient and I was like, okay, I need to talk to this woman because you have hit the nail on the head. Like, we have all been so busy being professionals and mothers and raising our families and tending to our husband's needs that we just ignore our own, right?

Yep, exactly. We go last. But one of the things that I think happens— I like to talk about this concept called the matriarchal versus the patriarchal view of sex. As an intimacy expert to millions, one of the things that I really stand for is helping women understand that the way we've been having sex has not been in service to our biology and our psychology. And once a woman hears me talk about how sex really needs to be for us in the female body, then they understand why sex hasn't been as good as they want it to be, why they want to want their partner but they don't, and how to fix that so that it's not just them going, oh God, my hormones must be flatlining. I have no libido, when in fact that's not it at all.

Yeah, exactly. That's what we need to talk about because I hear it all day, every day. Oh, my hormones must be imbalanced. I must have low testosterone. No, it's your lifestyle. It's your lack of self-care and self-awareness of like what makes you feel good. So I want you to unpack all of that.

Yeah. Good. All right. Well, I think the very first place to start is in understanding the difference between libido, desire, and arousal. And libido is your body's engine of lust. And you mentioned estrogen and testosterone, and testosterone definitely is the hormone of desire. It's the thing that makes you want sex. So when women go through perimenopause and menopause and their estrogen declines, we actually have a higher testosterone to estrogen ratio than we used to. And that's why there are those women out there who are like, I'm hornier than ever after menopause, because They— that's working for them and the other systems are functioning too. And when women think that it's hormonal, and I'm not to say that hormone replacement therapy doesn't support good sex, it does. As a matter of fact, I am chock-full of bioidentical hormones. I take Bi-Est, I take testosterone, I take progesterone. I even take oxytocin intravaginally sometimes when I notice that I'm getting kind of thin. So estrogen definitely decimates the vaginal mucosal lining. It thins the tissue in our whole body. We get papery, wrinkly tissue, and that happens to our vulvar tissue, as you know well and good as a gynecologist. And so replacing estrogen is helpful, and there are some other things I want to talk about that are for the women who both embrace Estrogen replacement and those who have chosen to shy away from it through what I personally feel is reading erroneous data because I am a real champion for hormone replacement therapy at 60. I feel like I'm really operating very well. I'm still having my period. I still feel vital and young, and my cognitive function is good, and all of and my vulva is rich and voluptuous. I would actually tell you that I think my vulva is. more voluptuous, juicy, responsive, and activated than it's ever been in my life. And that means dialing all the way back to my 20s and 30s. I'm having better orgasms, more intense pleasure, and wonderful intercourse at 60 years old. So, I really stand for ageless sexuality. And so, libido is often mistaken for hormone when in fact it's a loss of nitric oxide. I brought some visuals to share today. I'm going to do a sex toy show and tell. I'm going to do a vaginal rejuvenation piece on the show today, and I'm also going to show you your genital anatomy so that you can understand why it is that this little gaseous molecule called nitric oxide that declines as quickly as our hormones do. By the time we're 50, we have half the nitric oxide production we did when we were in our 20s and how to top it up so that we get blood flow to our genitals. Because if you want to have good sex and you want to have good lubrication, the way lubrication works in our vaginas, it's not a gland. There's no gland wetting our vaginas. It actually is recruited from the blood plasma that goes into our pelvic bowl on arousal that seeps through the vaginal mucosa and wets the tissue. In addition to that blood flow being in our pelvis to wet our vagina and get us lubricated when we get turned on, it also plumps up all the tissue. And this, if there's anything that you're going to take away from what I hope will be a very action-packed, chock-full podcast today, that is ground zero. First step, if you have low libido, If you have painful sex, if you're not having orgasms as well as you used to, if you are suffering from sensation loss and a loss of orgasmic intensity, taking a nitric oxide supplement is the very first and easiest thing you can do. Now, you can get nitric oxide from your leafy green vegetables, from beets, and from some herbs like dill, for example, has high nitric oxide production capacity in it. Though we shove ourselves full of greens every day and we eat our daily salads, there are still a lot of nutrient loss in our food supply. So topping off when you're over 40 with a nitric oxide booster is super helpful. And it turns out that citrulline versus arginine, which are 2 amino acids that help your body produce this gaseous signaling molecule that opens up your blood system, your vascular supply, and allows your body to pump the blood where it needs to go when you need it. So, to your brain when you're thinking, to your heart when you're exercising, to your glutes when you're doing your squats, and to your vulva when you're making love. And it also helps with edema, cognitive function, as well as just overall cardiovascular health. And that's citrulline. Citrulline comes from the watermelon. Citrullus vulgaris is the name of a watermelon.

Love that.

It turns out that that rind is chock-full of citrulline, which works better for people over 40 than arginine does. Arginine also can tend to exacerbate herpes viruses, which I've had since my 20s. So, the last thing I want to do is make it easier for my body to have a herpes outbreak. So, citrulline it is. And one of the things that I do— so, I am both a publisher of passionate lovemaking techniques and bedroom communication skills. and I teach sexual health concepts, how to have ageless sexuality, basically sexual biohacking.

Yeah.

And I also own a supplement company. So, Personal Life Media is my publishing brand. I've been doing it for over 15 years now, and I have a supplement company called The Twenty based on the 80/20 rule that 20% of the ingredients give you 80% of the results, and those are the ones I put in my supplements. And so, I made a supplement called Flow, F-L-O-W, a nitric oxide booster that's made from organic fruit and vegetables because most of the stuff that's on the market is made from vats of pesticide-laden corn syrup in Chinese factories that goes through biological fermentation and inoculations, and all the chemicals stay right in there. So, you're literally gulping down pesticides when you take those supplements. So, I made my own because I understand how our sexual function works, and it works on blood flow. Because pound for pound, inch for inch, we have as much erectile tissue as our male-bodied partners. They've got about half of their erectile tissue sticking out of their body in the penis part that you can see, but their penis goes down and inside their body, and there's another whole bit of the corpus cavernosum and spongiosum in there. We as women have 3 erectile tissue systems. The clitoral system, the urethral system, and the perineal system that literally wrap around our entire vaginal canal. So when we think about sexual pleasure and think about the tip of the clitoris with the nerve endings, what I can tell you is that yes, that's a lovely place to touch, but you can have as many orgasms touching your entire vulva and easily from penetration without even touching your clitoris. Once you get that tissue activated and engorged, and engorged means filled with blood or tumescent. And I think that one of the things when we go back to that matriarchal versus patriarchal thing I was talking about earlier, how daddy likes to have sex, that's how we've been doing it and it ain't satisfying mommy.

Right.

What mommy needs is all her erectile tissue systems to get full of blood because our erection as is as important as our male body partner. Everything's all about how erect he is and nobody's talking about us. Our male body partners wouldn't have satisfying sex with a flaccid penis. Why would we be having satisfying sex with a flaccid vulva? That's basically what the message is that I really want to get to women. The more you play with that tissue, the more you activate it, the more you get the blood flowing in there, the better pleasure, satisfaction, orgasmic intensity you will have and the more youthful your entire vulva will stay. Because what does blood flow do? It brings oxygenated healing and growth factors to those tissue systems as you age to keep them young and healthy.

Oh my gosh. I think that point is so important. I honestly don't think women understand that you do get engorgement, especially women who've never had orgasms or really been into intercourse. You know, I remember the first time I felt plump down there. I thought, what the heck is going on? You know? And then I went to medical school and learned it all. But it's like, that's a really important concept. And I want you to talk about the fact that men wake up with that blood flow right there. And we do not. We need to encourage that. You know, I love the nitric oxide, but what else can we do to get that blood flowing?

Yep. Well, one of the interesting things is that men have a couple of competitive advantages sexually. That are biologically wired in because we women, we're on a 28-day cycle. Basically, we run with the moon cycle. And so, we go into estrus and we have this 5-day horny window where we're most interested in having sex because that's the time of conception. Even after menopause, we still run on a moon cycle with our hormone response. And men get bathed every morning in a bath of testosterone. So, they're always horny and ready to go. They need to be because when we want them, they got to be ready with a topped-off fresh sperm supply, which is why they are also drawn to masturbate more frequently to keep that sperm topped up. So, that's one competitive advantage. And the other competitive advantage that the masculine body gets is hemodynamics, which is, you know, Dr. Tab, it's blood flow. And it means when they get aroused, the minute they start thinking about sex, boom, Their penis is up and erect if they're healthy. Of course, if they're not, that's a different story. And I am an expert on penile erectile function. We can do another show on that so all the women out there whose husbands are getting a little bendy or can't get it up or keep it up, we can tell them how to fix that because that's pretty easy. GainsWave or the Phoenix Black, these are the things that work for men along with nitric oxide. You want to be giving it to your guy while you're taking yours. Every night if possible, anytime you can do it, and definitely 2 capsules before sex so you can get the blood pumping where you need it to go. Because they're always ready to go, they're way faster than we are. They don't slow down, which is where you go from libido to desire. For us and our arousal, our arousal systems take longer. And so it was funny, The other day, a guy emailed me and he said, or DM'd me or something, I'm on Instagram and I get a lot of DMs on Instagram. He said, I tried that technique that you recommended and oh my God, it worked. My girlfriend came more intensely, harder, and better than she'd ever come. I was like, okay dude, I've written like 150, 200 sex techniques, 300, 500. I've been doing this for a almost 2 decades. Which one are you talking about? And he said, slowing down. I was like, okay, well, that's not technically a technique. That's just some good advice. But God love you, slow down. I always say to guys when I'm talking to the men on the men's podcast, I say, turn around and come back and get us. You're way further along than we are. You need to slow down, slow down some more, and then go half that speed And then cut that by 50%. And then you might be where we are. We need a lot of engorgement, a lot of kissing, breast play, nipple play, full body touch, hair stroking, eye gazing, relaxation, foot rubs, uh, yoni massages, oral pleasuring before you ever even bother to try to get that thing inside us. And they just don't know because they don't live in our bodies. So I wanna show you what our, what our parts look like and what they want from us, because I think that's very important too. How's that? Can you see that? Okay.

Yeah. So anybody listening, go on YouTube and watch because Susan's gonna teach us.

So gutsy gynecologist Susan Bratton. I'm holding up some images here. And the very first one that I'm holding up is basically the female vulva. At the top, you'll see that it's the mons pubis at the top. If you want to become a female ejaculator, if you want to have the bliss of the liquid orgasm, which all women can do, and it's not pee, it's prostatic fluid that comes again through the blood plasma down into the urethral canal and is expressed out of your urinary tract just like a man. ejaculates and urinates out of his penis. We do too. We just have an innie instead of an outie, but we have that function just like our male-bodied partner because we started out the same. We all started out female and then about half of us changed into XY chromosome males and grew externally. But We have all the same parts arranged in different order. So we have the mons, which when it is stimulated up at the top, it allows the blood plasma to get in there and create the ejaculate, which feels really nice when it's expressed or released with orgasm. The second thing you have are the outer labia. Underneath the outer labia, the big plump part of the outside of Your vulva. You have the legs of the clitoris underneath there. They're called the vestibular bulbs, and those are underneath the outside. They like kneading and pressure to plump up. That also makes sex better, intercourse better when you want it a little harder because you've got a cushion for the pushing. This is what I get to say as a sex educator. Things like cushion for the pushing. Then you have the inner labia, and the inner labia come up and create the hood and go down and create what's called the fourchette at the bottom. They're exquisitely sensitive, and they can be an incredible source of pleasure all on their own as well. And then you have the opening to the vagina. That's called the vestibule. And inside that, you have the clitoris Under the hood, the tip of the clitoris, the head, which goes to a shaft that goes up and into the pubic bone. And then you have the clitoral arms, which are kind of up inside, running up inside the vagina. And you have the next thing down in the vestibule is the urethral exit where your pee-pee comes out and your ejaculate comes out. And all around that, is a little spongy tissue that I call G-spot number 2 because most women are pretty familiar with the fact that there's a G-spot up inside the vagina. But it also comes out and shows on the face of the opening of the vestibule around the urethra, and it loves to be pleasured, especially with a tongue or the tip of a finger. Then you have the opening to the vagina. That's called the introital sphincter. Or the introitus. It's a round muscle like your iris, and it is very sensitive. It's the one when you have estrogen loss that starts to hurt and get thin the most, especially if you've ever had any kind of childbirth, vaginal childbirth, or episiotomies or things like that. It can be very delicate. That can be healed. We'll talk about biohacking and ageless sexuality and talk about PRP as something that we can use to fix wounded vaginal problems, reconstituting tissue because we have tissue loss. Just like our boobs start to sag and we start to wrinkle, our vulva basically does that too. So the more you bring the blood in and keep it plump, the younger and juicier it stays. And so then you have inside the vagina, of course, you've got on the upper roof, the urethral sponge or G-spot. It's erroneously named. It's not a spot. It's a long Tube like a pool noodle. And then, of course, at the bottom inside of the vagina, you've got the perineal sponge that lives between the rectum and the vagina that loves to be stroked. Then you have the perineum, which is all very sensitive and loves to be touched. You have the anus, which is also full of rich nerve endings. You've got your sweet little butt cheeks down here that also love to be squeezed and massaged. You've got your groin area on each side of the vulva. You've got your belly, the insides of your thighs. All of this loves to be touched, and the more it's all pleasured and stimulated and massaged, the more the blood flows in and you get that engorgement. So I want to show you what it looks like inside your vulva. If I peel back the skin, here's what it looks like underneath. This is essentially the 3 erectile tissue systems of your beautiful vulva. There's the clitoral tip, the shaft, the arms or crura, the legs which are called vestibular bulbs. There's the urethral sponge with the little rosebud where the urethral exit is inside the door, the opening of your vagina area up above. It goes up along along the vagina. So that's a whole spongy tissue that loves to be stroked outside and in. And there's your perineal sponge, this sweet little bump down here, and the opening to your vagina, which is exquisitely sensitive and likes pressure. It's got mechanoreceptors in it. So your vagina was built to have orgasms from penetration. We're symbiotic with the male-bodied partner. If you're a same-sex partner, person, or gender spectrum non-binary, you get 99% of that pleasure. It doesn't matter. You can stimulate it with toys, with dildos, with strap-ons, etc. But what's great about this is that you don't need to even touch the tip of your clitoris while you're having penetrative sex, penis in your— or dildo in your vagina, because your whole The whole vaginal system is erectile tissue. So once you get it full of blood, it operates on its own without any intervention. The number one thing that I want women to understand is that there aren't some women who can come from penetration and other women who can't. All women can come from intercourse. All women. You can come. All orgasms are? is learned skills, and there are 20 kinds of orgasms your body can have. And as you age and you build more and more experience, this is like sexual personal growth. You can learn how to have vaginal orgasms, clitoral orgasms, G-spot orgasms, squirting orgasms, nipplegasms, mouthgasms, throatgasms, Gasms from toys, gasms from objects. Uh, you can have orgasms on command from verbal commands and dirty talk. I mean, you are an orgasmic being and you can be sexually self-expressed your whole life if you just keep learning new skills and things about your body and taking care of yourself.

Oh my gosh. That is amazing. That's so important for women to understand because I guarantee the majority of my listeners are not having orgasms. They're not wanting intercourse with their husbands because it's been this one-sided relationship. Where do women even start?

Start here. Let me show you a couple more things. This is why you want to go to the YouTube channel, Gutsy Gynecologist on YouTube. What I recommend for women is that you incorporate sex toys into your lovemaking with your partner. that, you take advantage of the technology that's available in the 21st century to improve your engorgement and your orgasmic response. There are 4 kinds of sex toys that I think should be in every woman's bedside drawer. The first is a straight-up vibrator, but the kind of vibrator that I like and what I'm showing is called the Lady Bi from Fun factory. This particular vibrator is essentially like a rabbit vibrator. It has 2 motors. There's a bigger version and a smaller version of this, and one goes inside your vagina and the other is a pad that goes on the outer clitoral and urethral area. This stimulates you both internally and externally, helping you cross that orgasm chasm so you can bridge the orgasm gap from how easy it is for your male body partner to have an orgasm from penetration and how hard you struggle to do it. This trains you to be more internally responsive and cross-trains you to have those vaginal orgasms. The second kind of vibrator that I like is this, which is a Womanizer. This is an air stimulator. It's basically a clit sucker. For many women, this is their favorite vibrator. The reason why I don't recommend this as the first line of defense is that it's not going to train you internally to have orgasms. If you love the Womanizer but you want to also incorporate the internal, this is the Womanizer Duo, and it has an internal G-spot vibrator with an external clitoral air stimulator. So G-spot and internal vibration with clitoral stimulation. And then this This is called a pulsator or thruster, and this is a hands-free internal vibrator with a G-spot bump, also from Fun Factory, that goes in and out of your vagina on its own, hands-free. It's weighted. It's actually quite heavy. It'll stay in there and it'll go back and forth and jiggle back and forth and awaken and enliven all the intravaginal tissue. If you're someone who hasn't had intercourse for a while and you're starting to date again and you're worried that you're going to be too fragile, the Thruster is a very good vibrator for that. And then finally, the pièce de résistance would be a wand-style vibrator, which is just straight-up vibration. But what I like about it is— and this is the wand from We-Vibe, that's a Womanizer company as well. These are all German brands, amazingly. This has both a rumbly vibe, but you can also get smaller vibrators with buzzy vibrations. This is very good for getting all that outer vulvar tissue going— the labia majora, the labia minora, the perineal area, the mons. It loves this really deep, strong vibration, as does the whole clitoral structure. So these are the 4 types of vibrators, and Once you start solo pleasuring and you start using them and coming from all these different kinds of vibrators, it's going to increase your ability to have orgasms with your partner. Contrary to some people's fear, using sex toys doesn't numb your clit. I mean, it might temporarily if you go nutty and you're just drilling down on yourself, but it helps you become more orgasmic in more ways because You're essentially giving yourself all these different types of stimulation, and your body needs a variety of stimulation to orgasm. That's why vibrators often come with different patterns. Ones that go vroom and things like that, because when you give sensation and then take it away a little bit, your body reaches for more sensation, bringing you closer closer to orgasm, making it easier for you to orgasm. So that's why one of the things that I do is teach so many sex techniques, pleasuring techniques, is that the more techniques you have in your toolkit, both for you to give to your partner as well as receive from your partner, the more pleasure you end up achieving because you train your body to feel the sensation and stay in sensation with more variety.

Yeah. And how do we talk to our partner about this? Because I can hear women right now saying, you know, I don't want to upset my husband. I don't want to hurt his feelings.

Oh God. They get so butthurt. Don't they?

What I find is that men just want to make you happy. They really do want you to have an orgasm. and enjoy what's happening. They just don't necessarily know how to make that happen, right?

Yes. Well, they can't. They don't inhabit a female body, so they don't know, and they're not getting any sex education. All they're doing is watching porn, which is the opposite of what we want. So here's my solution for that, and I'd say it's probably the most fundamental skill of all the skills that I have, and I just give it away. I have a little book called Sexual Soulmates: The 6 Essentials to Connected It's one of my most popular books, and I've written over 35 books and programs. Sexual Soulmates: The 6 Essentials of Connected Sex. One of the very first ones is something called the Sexual Soulmate Pact, P-A-C-T, and you can get it for free at sexualsoulmatepact.com. It's a free download. It gets you onto my email newsletter. You can unsubscribe anytime, but I send sex tips out constantly. constantly. You're definitely going to want to be on my newsletter if you enjoyed anything I said so far.

Yes.

And the Soulmate Pact, the Sexual Soulmate Pact, essentially deals with the problem that for the masculine, he wants to give you incredible pleasure. He's testosterone dominant, which makes him overly confident. He thinks he's better than he is. And when he receives feedback, he takes it as criticism because in the masculine domain, there's a pecking order. And this is my friend, Dr. Terry Real, who's been on my Sexual Vitality Summits and all kinds of things. Basically, what he says is for the masculine, we're feminine, we're team-oriented and collaborative. The masculine is always fighting to keep their place and to go up a rung and up a rung. And when they get feedback, it's criticism and it puts them down a rung and they don't want some woman telling them what to do. So, how do you get around that? This Sexual Soulmate Pact is an agreement that you strike with your partner, and the book is written more for him than for you, in all honesty. This is to help you get him to realize that he will be a winner and you will respect him more. Those are the 2 things he wants. You want to be adored and found sexually irresistible in equal measure by your partner. He wants to be respected For doing a good job. He wants to win your respect and he wants to give you incredible pleasure. So if you give him feedback that tells him he's not giving you incredible pleasure, then he's like, ooh, and everything's ruined because he can't take it. This teaches you how to do it in a ninja way where he's like, I love it. Thank you, baby. Do you tell me some more? He suddenly realizes the magic of your feedback, which then emboldens you to give it, and you suddenly get a sense of what you really want because you're not afraid to say anything because he's loving everything you're saying. And all of a sudden, your body starts telling you what she wants. You're tuned into her. Your intuition is dialed up, your body intuition, and your body Image issues start going down. That's the Sexual Soulmate Pact. It's one of my most genius, simple, easy solutions to getting on what I like to call the upward pleasure spiral. How to get your sex life to get better and better and better as you age instead of swirling down the toilet like all your friends who are getting divorced.

You have to download this. You have to read this and incorporate it. It's something you do when you're not in the bedroom, right? It starts—

No, it's right in sex. It's right during sex. It is right in the middle of it. It's exactly how to tell him what he needs to know and have him love you for it.

I love this. Okay.

You start getting really good together in bed when you start doing the Sexual Soulmate Pact. It is dumb simple too. Wait till you read it.

Oh my gosh. Everybody needs to try this because You hit on a really important point. This ruins relationships. This ruins families, ends in divorce. So, you know, don't just do it for you, do it for your family. I love that. I love that idea. And yeah, not feel ashamed that you want to enjoy sex again and have that relationship with your partner. So let's talk about other ways we can physically enhance the situation? Because I do have a lot of women who are going through the menopausal transition. As you mentioned, hormones can help a ton. I also do O-Shots and vaginal rejuvenation in my office. What has been your experience with all that?

Yeah, well, I've had 6 O-Shots. It took me 2 O-Shots to start really even getting my clitoral structure reconstituted again with healthy tissue. I started when I was 55, and I think the O-Shots are excellent for clitoral sensitivity and fixing little pain points, and it also helps with incontinence. So PRP, I'm sure you've talked about it a lot on your shows, and the O-Shots since you do them. I won't go into depth with that, but I think they're very good for that. A lot of times women's vaginal mucosal systems are so beleaguered and so aged and so thin and so friable and so delicate and so painful that even just shoving gobs of estrogen in your vagina isn't going to quite do enough. The product that I used to have to tell people, you're either going to have to do a CO2 laser or you're going to have to do an RF device. If incontinence is more your issue, I'd recommend RF. It goes deeper, helps with the muscle muscle layers in the bladder sling. But the CO2 laser works well for the actual tissue itself, reconstituting the tissue. But the problem is they hurt. You weep. It's hermesis, so you're damaging to repair. And although that's great, I say, why damage to repair if you don't have to? And that's when I found the VFit and now the VFit Gold from joylux.com. And that's That's my first line of defense for my recommendation for women who aren't so far gone that they think they might be able to reconstitute. And this is what it looks like. It comes in this little gold box, the VFit, and it's essentially an intravaginal device. Do you sell these?

I do not.

So I'm super interested. I got to get these into your office for you. I'll introduce you to them. This device is so wonderful. Because you can take it home and you can do it every other day for an 8-week protocol and then as needed. And it uses 3 modalities to regenerate vaginal mucosal lining. The first is that it— let me turn it on. The first thing that it does is it uses red light therapy, which is photobiomodulation. I use that on my scalp to keep my hair thick. I use it on my back. For back pain. I use it on my belly when I'm losing weight to tighten the skin. And then I have this VFIT device. That's a red light device. I have a red light in my sauna. I've got a Red Rush that I sit in front of. I love red light for mitochondrial biogenesis, which is creating more energy in the cells to produce more tissue in your vagina. So the red light therapy is combined with a warming unit. which collagenates the tissue, recollagenates the tissue, and also a vibration which is essentially performing your Kegel toning so you can keep the musculature firm as you age so you don't get prolapse, incontinence, and loss of orgasmic response from the inability to have strong and powerful orgasmic contractions. So I love the VFIT. And it feels so good. I get up in the morning, and I know you're on Instagram too. I get up in the morning and I put this in, I put my red cap on, I put the red light on my back or my belly, and then I scroll Instagram while I'm drinking my coffee. I am hilarious. I talked to my, my daughter who's turning 25 this month over WhatsApp, and she's like, you're always wearing that red cap. And I'm like, baby, I call you every morning. You know, this is what I do every morning. I put in my vFit every other day. I love this. Product. And if you go to joylux.com/susan, you get a freebie. Sometimes it's various of their products. They've got some very nice products that are vaginally safe, beautifully formulated by doctors, FDA approved that go with it. And so you always get a bonus bonus when you go to my site because I spend so much time telling people about it. They made me a custom page so that women will get a little bonus so they know they heard from me. I just really love to spread the word about all of these modalities because women just aren't even aware they're there. They think they've got to go do some super expensive painful procedure and they don't always need to start there. There are cases where You absolutely need to use the RF devices, etc. And then GAINSWave now has come out with FemiWave, which is the— and this is the Phoenix product, which is an at-home device that delivers acoustic wave treatments to the genital system. And this is great for your man, the Phoenix for your man, or the GAINSWave treatments from a doctor for your man. FemiWave for women. the female body. It does a fantastic job regenerating the whole vulval situation. So the labia, the outer labia, the inner labia, the clitoral structure, that's what the acoustic wave is very good for because what it's doing is it's doing a little bit of tissue damage, hormesis, that stimulates new tissue growth. So a GAINSWave or a FemiWave with a P-Shot and an O-Shot, adding your nitric oxide. Those are a really good combination of things to reconstitute tissue loss and loss of lubrication and loss of orgasmic intensity. That's really your sexual biohacking stack. And for men, I add a penis pump, a vacuum erection device. Women can also benefit from a vulval vacuum device pulling more blood into the vulval tissue. So it's— what did I start with? Blood flow.

Yes.

It's all about keeping your vascular system strong so your blood can get into the tissue to keep you enjoying your sexuality because that's your libido. When your body feels good, when you're healthy, then you want sex. When you're not healthy, when your microbiome is a disaster, when you're you're constipated or you have irritable bowel syndrome, or you're just you can't make your hormones, you can't recycle your neurotransmitters, you're not getting the serotonin you need, the dopamine you enjoy, the oxytocin production, and so ultimately it all starts in the blood system and the gut. That's that's where it all starts, and we've got to take care of that if. want to, you know, just taking a hormone isn't the answer. It's, it's getting the systems working that are there to keep you sexy and strong your whole life.

Amen. Yeah. I just had a patient this week who she is pooping like once a week. She is so constipated. And, and then she just kind of throws in there. And I, you know, I really wish we could fix my libido. I'm like, do you want to have sex when you're that backed up?

You can't.

He's like, no, I don't want him anywhere near me. You know, I might have an accident. It's uncomfortable. It's like we really need to look at the full picture. So I'm so glad you mentioned that. We have to have a good functioning gut and all of that, right? Because we worry about that stuff. We sit there, we can't even get into it because our mind is racing. It's thinking about our bowels and our bladder.

What if I fart?

Right, exactly. Yeah.

No, no woman in the universe likes to fart.

Right.

Honestly, it's a signal that you're relaxing and letting go. So your partner doesn't really care about it.

Yeah. So what you're saying is you gotta get yourself dialed in. You gotta get your health on track. You gotta get your hormones balanced. You have to learn what you like. From yourself and that women are capable of orgasming in multiple ways. What about the woman who's never orgasmed? Have you seen women like that overcome these issues?

God, of course. Hey, none of us orgasmed when we were born. We learned how. All you have to do is learn how. Um, there is one thing, and I'll, I'll circle right back to that, I promise, but I wanted to know if If you've interviewed Dr. Kara Fitzgerald yet about this book, Younger You, she'd be great to have on your show. She's got this new book out, Younger You, and one of the things that I think is really interesting about it is that it's really about methylation, which is, you know, we were talking about hormones and we were talking about neurotransmitters, and all of our body systems are biologic cycles. They're processes. They're circuits. I think about them as circles. They require inputs, and then the wheel turns and you get the thing that's supposed to work. And for a lot of people, up to 30% of people have a genetic anomaly called the MTHFR gene, but even people who don't aren't properly methylating. They have too much folic acid. They're not getting folate. They're not eating enough leafy greens. They're not getting any betaine. They're, they're not doing the things that complete the cycles because you could be making hormones, but not completing or having them be free and available. You might not have enough boron, which is the thing that uncouples the hormone from its protein binding globulin. And you could be making neurotransmitters, but your system's backed up because you're not methylating or getting the system complete, and you're not taking the used neurotransmitters and cycling them back through the body. So, there's a lot of things that prevent us from actually achieving— I mean, you can work on your gut for a decade and still not be producing the kind of neurotransmitters you should be because you're not making enough SAMe. And, this book, Younger You, is really about What are the foods that actually help you make the whole system run completely efficiently? She's very smart. She's a functional medicine doctor. It's called Younger You, and that I don't think any conversation about the gut biome and hormones and neurotransmitters would be complete today with this newest information that we have about the methylation clearing the methylation path.

pathways.

It's like being constipated in your production of hormones and neurotransmitters and, and other functions as well. So, uh, the Krebs cycle, for example, making ATP for energy to increase the mitochondrial power, uh, the batteries of your cells, having enough energy— all of these systems rely on methylation. So if you're slow, constipated, draggy, low libido, This might be a good book to look into.

Oh my gosh, I couldn't agree more. Like, methylation is where it's at. I personally have 2 genetic SNPs. I have MTHFR and a COMT mutation, so I'm a horrible methylator.

Yeah.

And I definitely struggled with fatigue and estrogen dominance and all of that in the past. And I love Dr. Kara Fitzgerald, so thank you for that recommendation. I'll put that in the show notes because women need to understand that we're not just making a hormone and using it is so much more complex than that with all of the processes of detoxification and methylation. So great points on that. And I would just encourage women to like go to your site, susanbratton.com, and have an open mind and be ready to try something new, right? Because it's— it can be exciting. You can find a whole new self that you didn't even know you had. Like, I just get excited listening to all the stuff you're talking about, and I know that anatomy, but the way that you explain it is very exciting and like—

Practical.

Yeah, and it's practical. And just to know that we are actually in control of our ability to orgasm and how we feel and the ability to enjoy our husbands, which I know we want. It's just that we need to make the time. So should women be doing like an hour a day? Is it 10 minutes? Like, how much do you really have to put in to start noticing some feedback?

I want to return to how do you orgasm if you haven't before. But before I do, um, I want to tell you about the other supplement that's in my, um, in my the20store.com. It's called Desire, and it's a 90-day daily multivitamin, multimineral supplement with libido botanicals built in. And they are methylated Bs, super high quality, highly bioavailable, very absorbable B vitamins inside this product because most daily vitamins are using folic acid and unmethylated Bs. And so, at least a third of us aren't even absorbing them. Not only that, we're poisoning ourselves because we can't absorb them. So, we're filling our bodies up with things like folic acid, which actually hurt our methylation and detoxification pathways. So, these are my 2 flagship supplement products. They're made to stack and work together. And, I put the Libido Botanical right inside the Daily Multivitamin Multi-Mineral. And, I just think those are some of the simplest things that a woman can do to make sure that her systems are working. Now, going back to a woman who's never had an orgasm, all you have to do is just keep trying. I showed you the 4 types of vibrators. There's one more that I don't have right here. It's the Volta by Fun Factory. What I love about that is, and I think if you use promo code Susan, you get a discount on all of these products. The Volta is kind of a little motorboat on your clitoris. So you've got the motorboat, the Volta. You've got the air stimulator, the clit sucker. You've got the thruster, the internal. You've got the Lady Bi or the Miss Bi, which I think is the one you should start with because it's awakening your entire vulval system. You've got the big wand for lots of power and vibration to get all that tissue plumped up. And you've got the G-spot stimulators that vibrate that are also very good. So that's 6 different kinds of stimulation for your yoni. Yoni is another word for vulva. It's a tantric sex word, Y-O-N-I. If I don't always want to say vulva, which is so medically, I often say yoni, and the masculine, his penis, is called the lingam. The yoni and the lingam, they're pretty words for our female and male genitalia. And I think start with one or two and start cross-training and play with yourself and use some good organic avocado oil or sweet almond oil. I don't recommend lubes because they're FDA Class II products and they have to include preservatives, and your vaginal mucosa is a sponge.

Right.

It sucks up all that crap into your body, and we're trying to get the crap out of our body, literally and figuratively. So I just use oils, quality nut oils. I always say, if you wouldn't put it in here, your mouth, you shouldn't put it in there, your vulva, because it's all going into your body. So why would you be poisoning yourself with chemicals? You can make salad dressing out of the lube. It's like that clean. It's nothing special. You can get whatever you want, refined avocado oil, sweet almond oil, but not coconut. A lot of young women use coconut oil because they cook with it. The problem is that it's antibacterial and I find that for many women it disrupts their vaginal microbiome and I don't recommend it.

I have seen so many women get yeast infections From using coconut oil, so I completely agree. But I love that recommendation. Just spend some time with yourself. Get to know yourself. Get the ebook and help figure out how to talk to your man. Right? I love that.

Yes. Learn it yourself, so you know you can do it. It will come. You will come. Your body is made to come. Your body. loves to have orgasms. You are an orgasm machine. You can have orgasms in so many different ways. On my website at personallifemedia.com, I have a whole series called Come With Me. It's 20 different kinds of orgasm exploration, and I explain in great detail and describe how to have every single one of the different kinds.

It's all free.

They're just articles. I give away tons and tons of stuff. So if you're the kind of person who's like, Well, I'd like to have more kinds of orgasms. I'd like to have female ejaculatory orgasms. I'd like to have nipple. What do I do? How do I do it? It's all there.

I love that so much. You are like this endless resource of amazing information. Thank you so much. Oh my goodness. So the links are in the show notes. Everybody needs to check this out because we honestly, we deserve this. You know, sex is not just for men, so we need to step into our feminine, step into feeling good and enjoying ourselves. I love all of this. So thank you so much, Susan. You're amazing.

Thank you so much for having me. Yes, the field of sexuality is vast, but we've laid down some really good basics here today. And if you want more sex techniques, I have a video website called betterlover.com. I have over 200 free techniques as well as my journey with O-Shots and vaginal restoration and all that stuff. You can search on my websites and find anything, any word I said, anything that's on your mind, the links to stuff. It's all there for you. I just love I love to help people find their sexual power and creativity.

I love it. Thank you so much. Oh my gosh, I hope you got so much out of that episode. I love all of that. Like, I nerd out on the anatomy and the physiology of it all, but like, I'm excited again. Like, I want to have a better sex life, and I have a pretty good sex life. So, um, I just want you to go check out her resources, be open to trying some things, get creative, get back in tune with enjoying life. Life is not just about going through the motions every day and, you know, dealing with health issues or struggling to take care of your kids or, you know, pay the bills. Like there's so much more to you and to your life and to your relationship with your partner. So like really tell yourself, I want more. I want that. I desire that intimate connection. I desire, you know, more joy and orgasms in my life. Like I'm gonna make this happen, and you will make It happen. You really will. So I'm really excited about this. I hope you enjoyed that. Let me know, you know, shoot me a message, hit me a 5-star review, and let me know that you really loved this episode because this could be a game changer for you. You know, I'm talking about like saving marriages and keeping families together just because you have better sex. Like, it really does make a difference. So just think about that, um, and let me know what else you want to hear about. If you want me to have Susan back on, because she and I could talk all day. I mean, that conversation could have went a million different directions. So there's so much that we could really unpack with that. So let me know what you were left thinking, hmm, I want to know more about this, right? Um, but take one thing at least from today, one golden nugget. Like, what are you actually gonna incorporate? What do you think is gonna change your situation for you? Start incorporating that, add it to your other things. Um, for me, I don't know, maybe I'll get a new sex toy and just add that into the mix. I love that advice. So those links are all in the show notes. Check it all out. Otherwise, go have an amazing kick-ass week and lift up your other sisters, the other girls. Share this episode with them because everybody needs better sex. So I love you guys. Keep on keeping on.