In this personal testimonial, Dr. Tabatha Barber recounts how, despite achieving her dream job, high income, and professional accolades, she fell into severe burnout. She describes falling asleep at her desk, forgetting critical moments like a delivery, and being on five medications for depression, reflux, irritable bowel syndrome, and Hashimoto's thyroiditis. She also details a failed back surgery that left her immobilized for seven days. In the midst of this crisis, she describes a spiritual turning point: she "surrendered to God," interpreting the hardship as a divine lesson to stop abusing her body and to reclaim her voice. The narrative moves from despair and anger toward a realization that caring for her body is essential, and that surrender led to a shift in her life perspective.
Chapters
By the time I got my dream job and my dream paycheck and all the accolades, I was miserable. I was so miserable, I was falling asleep at my desk. I couldn't remember my patients' names. Like, literally, I would deliver someone the night before and forget that delivery. This is like one of the most beautiful moments in your life, and I don't even remember it? Like, how sad is that? I was on 5 different medications, antidepressants, anti-reflux medications, Bentyl for my irritable bowel syndrome, thyroid medication for my Hashimoto's. I didn't use my voice in that delivery room. I let the doctor do things to me I should never have, and I developed a thyroid issue because I didn't use my voice. So I'm suffering from all of these things, and God had to break me. He told me once, you're a wild stallion, I had to break you. And I appreciate that because I don't like authority, I don't like rules, I don't like to be told what to do. Um, but when I finally surrendered to God, everything shifted and he had to break me. So what did he do? He put me on my back for 7 days. I had a failed back surgery and I got stuck in a delivery and I couldn't move. And so I'm laying in that bed and I'm angry. God, you told me to go help women. You told me to give them a voice and a choice, and I've been serving them, and I've been working 150 hours a week and raising my own babies and doing everything you told me to do. Why are you doing this to me? Anybody ever say that to God? Feel like he's, like, forsaken you? He's like, you left me in that delivery room. 'You went and did that without me. This is not how I would have told you to do it.' And he didn't leave me. He didn't forsake me. He was trying to teach me a lesson that I wasn't stewarding my body. I wasn't treating this vessel like the amazing vessel that it is. I was taking it for granted. I was abusing it. Even worse, I was talking so mean to my body.
