3 Effective Ways to Disconnect from Social Media & How to Optimize Your Morning Routine

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Finally made it.

Thank you. Thanks for having me here. Yeah, we made it happen. I know you're in la.

I was a guest on the Jay Shetty podcast.

You're an amazing guest. Everybody loved you.

Oh it was so cool.

The short video we made that we put on Facebook and. Oh, my God, that went so far. Like, people loved your episode. Like, absolutely loved it. It was amazing. It was incredible.

Well, they're gonna love this episode. I'm pretty big deal.

I'm very grateful to be here. Thank you.

Oh, I'm so grateful that you're here. Last time we saw each other, I was, like, getting down. I know Bruno Mars in high heels.

It was impressive.

Okay, so we have to just, like, start from the beginning.

Okay.

Not childhood, but, like, where Jay Shetty was kind of born into who he is today. That was going in a monastery.

Yeah, absolutely. So we start.

Yeah, let's start from there.

Yes. I'll give you a bit of a prequel, just because it's important.

Okay.

So I spent my teens being an absolute rebel. And I was always experimenting with everything under the sun. Multiple relationships, dabbled in drugs a little bit. Nothing for the form of addiction or wanting anything else apart from really seeking a thrill. Like, I was looking for a thrill. I was looking for meaning. I was looking for passion and purpose. But for me, at that time, I didn't know what that was called, and it kind of came out in all these rebellious ways. And I think that also came from coming from a family where it was very much like, live by the rule. You know, you can be a doctor, a lawyer, or a failure. You've got these three options. And then I was trying to rebel and question that the most important thing was that I spent a lot of my teens, starting at the later end of my teens, really wanting to learn and really wanting to hear from people who went from rags to riches.

And it just hit you.

It was one of those things, you're.

Like, I have more purpose.

No, it was a mixture of a few things.

Okay.

My dad was trying to get me to read. Now, I'd never read a book until I was 14, until my dad started giving me autobiographies and biographies, and those were the books I started reading. So I read, like, David Beckham's autobiography, and I read the Rock's autobiography, Interesting People. I was massively into soccer and massively into wrestling, so both of those were huge for me.

You said soccer and not football.

I did. I wanted to call it real football.

Right, you can.

I went to watch LAFC last night, so I'm trying to. You know. But it was that feeling. My father was trying to help me grow and think and be more thoughtful and introduce me to wisdom. And at the same time, I was just going through experiences where I lost a couple of friends. You know, one of my friends died in a car accident and one of my friends died through gang violence. And like, both of those scenarios, like, made me start to question, like, wait a minute, like, they were good people, right? They were like beautiful, loving, kind, sweet people. But they just went in a moment. And that really got me that year. Like, I was around 16 years old when that happened. And that really hit me. And I was just like, what is the meaning of life? Like, where am I going? Like, am I using my time wisely? You never saw that coming. And I think when you lose someone that's close to you, whoever that may be, I think it makes you question what you do with your own time, right?

And that's what happened to you and.

That'S what happened to me. And that's what kind of started that journey. A couple of years later, I was invited to an event by my friend. And so this monk was invited to speak. And I didn't even want to go. And I literally said to my friend, I said, I'll only go if we go to a bar afterwards. Like, that's the only way I'm coming out. The reason why I'm staring all of this is I want people to realize how opposite this was of me, right? Because it's not like I grew up as a spiritual kid or a religious kid or a kid that was. I was totally the opposite. And then I go to this event because my friends say, yes, we'll go to the bar afterwards. And I'm completely flawed and speechless because everything this monk is saying is completely cutting through to my heart. And he's talking about, like, selflessness and he's talking about service and he's talking about living a life that is worth sacrifice for other people. And I'm thinking, why is this appealing to this 18 year old guy? But it is like all of it's appealing to me. I end up spending time with him afterwards. You know, like, you network. So I went to network with a monk and I pushed the card. Yeah, exactly. Like, can I get you a drink? And then, and I go up to him and I say, you know, everything you just said, like, really connected with me. It really felt powerful to me. And I said, I'd love to experience more of this. And so he said, well, why don't you come and join me this week? I'm traveling in London and England, so why don't you just come and hear me this week speak and get to know me better. And I did. And then that Led to me actually going to live with him in India. So I spent all of my summer holidays. We didn't say vacation, summer holidays from 18 to 22, while I was at university. Every break I got, half of it I spent interning at financial companies in London. And so I'd be in bars, steakhouses and suits. And then I'd spend the other half of my summers living as a monk in India, dressing in robes, meditating, sleeping on the floor. And then when I graduated, I decided to do it for real. So I had all those and I.

Went to the monastery for three years.

Yeah, three years. Yeah, that's right.

What were you doing in the monastery? Exactly?

So we would wake up at 4am every day, and half of our day was dedicated to self or silence, and the other half was service.

Self or silence?

Yeah. So you'd spend half the day working on yourself. So that means self study, self meditation, silence, group meditations, prayer, the type of things you expect monks to do. And that's like half of your day. But then the other half is totally about service. So we would be building schools, we'd be feeding homeless children, we'd be trying to develop sustainable villages and food distribution programs that were helping and serving tons of people in India. And so I chose this path because it was this perfect balance between self and service. And the way it was taught to us is that everything you do in the part of the self day, you then go and give it away in the service and you learn more and then you come back and do more self realization and then service.

It's like a cycle.

Yeah, exactly. Three years in, I had pushed my body to extreme limits, like fasting, Fasting. And I'd sleep very little because I wanted to see the power of meditation. I had this side of me that wanted to make what I was learning even more relevant, even more accessible, even more practical. And this is all in hindsight. I didn't know this then. And my teacher said to me that he felt it would be better if I left so I could share what I'd learned.

Wow, so he wasn't kicking you out?

Well, it felt like that because at that time I didn't have this hindsight of, oh, yeah, maybe I was in the wrong place or maybe I'd done my time. At that time I was like, I want to do this. And I'm pushing and literally he comes out and he's just like, you know, it's not you, it's me. It's like it feels like one of these awkward breakup Conversations. And I'm thinking I just gave up everything. Like, I broke up with my girlfriend. I left, you know, all my jobs. I turned down my jobs. I left my family. Like, I gave up everything to do this. But then it was like this revelation, both internally and from him, where I was like, maybe this isn't right for me, for life. And that probably is one of the hardest things to ever have to go through. If you've made a plan and a vision in your mind of how you want your life to look like, and then it feels like it's just been taken away. And mine was to be a monk, which sounds like the weirdest thing. But if someone takes that away from you, it hurts.

Well, that's an interesting statement, because it's like you felt a calling to be a monk, but then your teacher said, oh, no, I think that there's been a different calling for you. What's the difference for you between a calling and a desire? Because it sounds like you had both.

Oh, I like that. Yeah, that's a great question. That's a great question. A desire is something that you push, and a calling is something that pulls you. Right. That's the difference. And you're right. I think you're spot on. I think it was both. I don't think I was naturally meant to be a monk. I was someone who was trying to rediscover myself and work through so much of my teenage years.

It was for a moment, for me.

It was a transformation. It was like going to school, but at the same time, it turned into a calling. Because I got so fascinated by serving, and I got so fascinated by wanting to make an impact. And I got so fascinated by wanting my life to mean more than just being successful or just being material. And I think that's what I got introduced to.

My belief is that, like, you have to do the work in order to get to where you are or where you want to be. And there's so much like, empty prayer or empty meditation that goes into so much of people's desires or wants or callings. And I think that sometimes we just have to either be still and wait for that moment to pull us or be proactive in what it is that you truly want to do. Because you were being proactive in going and talking to that monk.

Correct.

You were being proactive in spending your summers with him. But then it was a pulling that took you to actually go live in the monastery. So it's like it does take both to get to where you want to be.

I Couldn't agree with you more. I did a podcast a few months ago and it's called the Myths of Manifesting. And I think that's really one of the myths that we have, that we just believe that just thinking and just willing and just meditating or just praying and suddenly someone's gonna sprinkle some fairy dust and poof. Yeah, like the genie's gonna turn up and, you know, you now are that person. I think the challenge is that we have to get the balance right and it can't be about the result. I think wanting and desire is always about the result. A calling is about the process. Calling is something you're excited to wake up and do every day. When you have a desire, it's just like, oh, yeah, I want to be on the top of that list, or I want to be at the top of that.

Yeah, because we have desires in our careers 100%, but we also have a calling to be where we are today.

It's the balance. It's both together, right? You want to do the prayer and the meditation and the manifesting, but then you want to go and follow that up and do the work and go do the meetings and the strategy. You have to embrace polarities. And what I mean by that is people are like, do I need to be sincere or do I need to be strategic? I'm like, you need to be both. Sincerity and strategy together is a lethal combination. Whereas if you're just sincere, then you're not practical. And if you're just strategic, then you're not intentional. And you don't wanna be lost by either of those. You wanna have both.

There you go. Faith is important to you and you talk about it a lot. But I wanna know what faith is for you. Because for me, faith is very important. Faith is something that grounds me. It's the center of who I am. It's my calling, it's my desire. It's all of those things. What is faith to you?

Faith to me, like the two polarities is the day to day practices and the map. So it's the thing that's guiding every decision. It's the thing that's guiding every direction that I move in. It's the thing that guides who I want to be friends with, who I want to connect with, the type of work I want to do. But then it's also what I do daily. And to me, that's what's so beautiful about faith, that it can be practical and simple, but then it can be philosophical and spiritual. And so to Me, faith is both. Because if I'm not practicing on a daily basis, how can it last? And if it's not the governing thing behind all my decisions, then how is it true? Like, how is it real?

And how is it your moral compass also?

Exactly. Yeah. So for me, it's both of those things at all times. And so it's everything I do in the morning. So my meditation practices, my prayer, the way I communicate, how I speak to my wife. Like, I think all of those things. How I speak to anyone, I think all of those things in my faith. And at the same time, it's like, do I. Am I doing this out of love? Am I doing this out of service? Am I taking this decision just because it pays the bills and just because it makes money? Or am I doing this just because I think it'll be cool? It's the same as. It's so funny. You asked me this question because I was speaking to someone about you just before coming on the show today. Yes. I was saying, one of the things I love about Ashley and why I think we get along so well and we find it so easy to connect is because we both have such deep faith.

Yes.

And I said, I always find it easier when you meet someone who has their faith, and it may be different, but they're open, and then you just connect. And that's how I feel with you, that when we first started talking and meeting, I felt it straight away.

The people who are really rooted in their faith, and that comes before anything else. I always connect.

Yeah.

It's a big deal.

Yeah. My wife felt that with you, too. Even though we were dancing to Bruno Mars. I know.

We were like, yeah, it was so fun.

It was.

So then you left the monastery and you met Arianna Huffington. I mean, she kind of gave you a platform.

Well, yeah, it wasn't that quick. So I left and went back to London.

There was some work that you put in.

Exactly. I moved in back with my parents, and I had my big debt to pay off. So I had my university debt, which is nowhere near as bad as U.S. debt. So.

Oh, it's ridiculous.

It's so bad here. I can't believe it. So I had $25,000. So I come back and I was trying to figure out what to do. And then fast forward three years. I started making videos after I came back. So the videos were far after. But I'd been speaking about these things, studying, teaching, sharing, since I was 18, since I was introduced to it. But then I really felt this. I was Talking to companies, I was talking inside events at corporations, and I was working one to one and coaching lots of people. And that all naturally evolved. But I was thinking, how does this reach every person in the world? Like, how do we get these message to reach everyone at no cost, for absolutely free, to make it really accessible? And I thought, video. I don't know if this is true or whether it's a meme, but I remember seeing something that said, more people in the world own a smartphone than a toothbrush. And I thought two things. I thought, I need to make stuff that people can watch on smartphones. And then I thought, we need to figure out how everyone can get toothbrushes. So that's a crazy statistic. Yeah, it was crazy. I remember seeing it. So I don't know if it's true or not. We can check it out. And that triggered a thought in me. I was just like, wow, that means there's kids out there who have smartphones, they don't have toothbrushes, which means they can access wisdom and insight and all of this stuff that I've been learning. So how do we share it with them? So I started making these videos and before that, I went and pitched my video idea to around 40 media companies in London and they all rejected me. And this was before I made a video. I pitched them my idea for a mindfulness based video series. So they were like, jay, you have no communication experience, you have no video experience, you have no hosting experience. I had no official training in this space. And so they're like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. But they were right because I hadn't yet demonstrated that I could do what I was asking them to invest in.

Wow.

And so then I started making my videos and my global HR leader at Accenture, because I was working at Accenture at the time, a big corporate company. She showed Arianna Huffington my videos at Davos. And the next thing that happened is I got a call from Arianna Huffington's team and they were just like, we love your videos. We want to meet you in London. I met them and I said, look, I'd love to see what we can do with this. I then sent an email every day for 30 days saying, Danny, we met in London. You promised me that you loved my videos and that Ariana loved them. We've got to do something with them. They're not just going to sit around and get out to people and help people.

That's dedication.

And I wasn't charging anything. I made no money from this Whatsoever. It was me wanting to share a message and hoping that that message would resonate with people. A month later, Danny replies to me and says, yes, fine, we do want to get these videos out. And now, in hindsight, I realize it's because they were going off and trying to build Thrive. So they were busy with that move at the same time as trying to do this. And so Danny makes this happen. I speak to Arianna on the phone. She's like, jay, we really love your content. We are going to share it. We want to make this happen. And then they share these videos. And we shared four videos, and those four videos collectively did tens of millions of views. The first video did a million in a week. The second video did a million in 24 hours and did like 30 million overall. And they were putting all of this on the HuffPost site. And this was mid-2016. So it's three and a half years ago. And literally just. It was amazing. Just that overnight, because of social media. All because of social media. And like I always say, I didn't get paid a penny for any of those. That wasn't the point. The point was always, can this message reach people? And they gave me a platform. And so I'm so grateful to Arianna and Dani and Cara, who was on the team at the time, and Dan, like, that whole group of people that I'm still friends with today that were just so committed to the message and believed in it. I didn't have a platform at that time. I didn't have a brand, I didn't have anything. And they believed in it. So really, it's all credit to them.

But now you have to use social media, which is like a dark place sometimes. How do you handle it?

I just really have had to build up rules around my social media use.

You have.

So my rule is never look at the phone first thing in the morning.

Oh, my gosh. I am really trying.

This is my biggest one. I think if we did this, we would conquer our lives.

I have now not looked at Instagram first thing in the morning. I just look at the text, the email. Okay, we're good.

That's good.

Yep.

That's huge.

It is for me.

That's huge. At one point, I actually used to put my phone and my laptop locked in my car downstairs because that was the only way I could truly convince myself not to look at my phone. And I think we have to go to that extent sometimes or that extremity to really push ourselves out of it. So I don't look at My phone until I go down to the gym, which is two hours after I meditate and wake up and everything. So I try and avoid looking at my phone for those first two hours. And I find what that does is it gives your mind time to warm up. You don't start your mind on someone else's reactive schedule. When you wake up and you look at that email and you look at that notification, you're now thinking about everything everyone wants you to do, not what you want to do, right? You're not thinking about who you want to be or what you want to achieve. You're thinking about, oh, Mary wants me to get that right. You know, Julie wants me to do that, right? Like, whatever it is, like you start thinking about everyone else's schedule. And then the third thing that happens is, and I've said this before, but I think it's really powerful when you think about it. I think about this in the morning, it really stops me. None of us, and I mean literally none of us would let 100 people walk into our bedroom first thing in the morning.

That's true.

Ever before, doing your hair before you do maybe your makeup, getting clothes on, having a shower, you would never do that. But we let a hundred notifications enter our mind. That's literally trying to shake our consciousness awake, right? It's like really trying to wake your mind up. You're expecting your mind going from zero to 60 miles per hour in five seconds when you open up Instagram or WhatsApp or emails. And it's so much pressure on our minds. That's really all it is. It's pressure and stress for your mind to have to wake up and warm up way quicker than our bodies do. So that's been a huge one for me. That rule, the other rule I love, which I fail at all the time, but I'm trying, is no technology zones in your home and no technology times. So I believe that the bedroom and the dining table should be technology free because it's more fun to sleep and eat with people. So we should take them out of those two places in the home. Everywhere else you can use them places in your home where you can have human connection, human touch. Just take it away from those areas. And I think you almost have to imagine when you walk around your home, you almost have to imagine like a red line around the dining table and a red line around the bedroom. Like, almost like a laser. Like, imagine if you cross over, it's going to like electrocute you or something. Maybe we should do that for some Time, you know that could stop you, but. So that's it. Setting up rules around technology for me has been huge. Making sure that when I get back in the evening, you're not using technology past 7pm, 8pm, whatever that rule is for you. And yes you're going to break it and yes, you're not going to be perfect. But the point is, at least if you have the rule, you're working towards something, right? That's really worked wonders for me.

Definitely.

At least if it's four out of seven days a week, like that's good enough. Let's be real. Your best days start the night before. Hatch believes small intentional rituals at bedtime can completely change how you show up in life. Here's the thing. Self care doesn't start with doing more. It starts with resting. Better sleep is the foundation of emotional, mental and spiritual well being. That's why Hatch created Hatch Restore a smart sleep clock designed to help you reclaim those moments around bedtime. It's all about removing distractions and creating calming routines. Think gentle audio, science backed sleep sounds and a sunrise wake up that makes mornings feel good. So if you're ready to unwind at night and wake up refreshed, head to Hatch Co and start your ritual today. Hey everyone, Jay here. And as much as you listen to me, you ought to listen to your body. Little things like headaches, hair loss can be your body's way of telling you, hey, something's up. Do you hear me? I will not be ignored. Luckily, Amazon One Medical has 247 virtual care. So they're always there to listen to your body. Thanks to Amazon One Medical, healthcare just got less painful.

You're so good with your words and you're such a great listener. But who is your rock? Who's the person that's listening to you? And you're able to bounce everything off of my wife.

My wife is definitely my rock. Like she's amazing. She's more monk than I'll ever be because she naturally has these sage like qualities. So waking up for her is like a piece of cake. My wife wakes up at 5am every day and can meditate. 5am 5am and spiritual qualities too. She just has that. So for me I find my wife's amazing. She's always good at making sure that I'm doing things for the right reason. She's always good at checking me. She's always good at humbling me, grounding me, but in a good way. Not in a critical way, but in a J. I know you can be better Than this.

That's amazing.

Yeah. So I really have that with her.

You know, you need a cheerleader.

Yes.

I think it's very important.

Yeah.

And I think that, again, on social media, there's, like, always these ideas of, like, fairy tale relationships. Right. And expectations, and people aren't talking about what they need. And I know that you have to talk about relationships a lot on your social media. Like, people really want to know about relationships.

Yes.

This is something that's kind of plaguing people.

Yeah.

I kind of want to get into.

It a little bit. Yeah, let's do it.

Because I feel like even though you may not be the expert, you kind of have to be an expert because of all of your followers and all their questions about it.

Well, I think this is fun because I know you have a wonderful relationship too. Yeah. So my thing has never been to be an expert. What I think is it's fun to unpack the journey when you're on it.

Right.

Like, I almost think, like, you never get to the end of the journey. So how do you ever become an expert? Because it's almost like, if you're an expert, then that's like you saying, I've nailed this. No, but it's. You can never.

You can't be an expert.

You can't be an expert in something like relationships because your relationship's always evolving. Like, for example, you're having a baby now.

Yes.

That's gonna evolve your relationship.

Things have changed. I've never been more in love with Justin than right now.

I love hearing that.

Yes. Like, it's just something about growing. Life with him is. Oh, my gosh. It, like, makes my heart melt. But then when the baby comes, they all say. Everybody says, like.

And we don't have to sign up for that everybody thing.

I know. And that's the other thing. You don't have to listen to what everybody says. I have blocked out so many things that people are like, you know, what's gonna happen? It's gonna be like this. And I'm like, does it have to be like that? Then?

Yeah, it doesn't.

No.

There are certain trends and patterns that we can be wary of.

Of course.

And people see that. They're like, okay, when you get married, this happens. When you have kids, this happens.

Of course. Of course.

But I think if you let that define your whole experience, that's the biggest mistake you can make. And so for me, all I'm trying to share is the journey and the process of figuring it out. That's all I'M trying to share.

And.

And she was the first guest on my podcast that I interviewed. And the whole conversation was, here's all the mistakes we made in our first three years of marriage. Like, this is what we got wrong.

Oh, wow, you went in.

That's what we talked about. Because I wanted people to hear how much stuff we've worked through, because that's the fun of it. Because when you can have fun working through stuff and people are hearing that, they're like, oh, my relationship's not so different now, because if all I'm seeing is the selfies and the happiness and all that kind of stuff. So for me, that's where my expertise is. My expertise is how do I share while I'm going through it and share with you just the experience I have? So I'm not giving advice to couples who have kids because I've not been through that. I don't know what that feels like when I go through it. I'll figure it out and I'll share some. So I'm sharing pre marriage, getting married, the early years of marriage, what I'm.

Learning from that, which also is a really hard part of the marriage, I think. So it is. Our first year was quite interesting to say.

Go on.

I mean, it was just like we waited till we were married to have sex. We hadn't lived together. My career was really kind of just started taking off, and he went to grad school, and it was like finding this balance of, like, who we are in so many different aspects, but, like, knowing that divorce is not an option. So it's like, we have to focus and work on this. And nobody. They tell you, oh, marriage is work. Marriage is work. But nobody can explain it to you because every marriage is so different. So it's good to hear that other people are explaining their first three years of marriage and the struggles that they'd been through. Something we did do on our honeymoon actually was read the five love languages. Have you read that love that book?

I've made videos on that book. Oh, you did? Yeah. I've made, like, three videos on that book, and I think Gary Chapman's a genius.

What are your love languages?

I believe your love languages are based a lot about how your parents loved you. Oh, interesting. So, my love, like, you want what.

Your parents didn't give you, or you still want what they gave you? Both, depending on how good or bad they're correct.

Got it. So mine was. And this is how I traced it back. I love my mom. She's amazing. And when My mom was raising me. She sometimes couldn't spend a lot of time with me because she was working too.

Okay.

But I knew that on my birthday, she would always get me the gift that I wanted. She would always get it no matter what it was. And we didn't grow up with a lot, but she would save up, make sure that I had it, and she would find it and she'd get it for me, and it would just be one thing, but it would always be the one thing I most wanted. So, like, one year is like Power Rangers or something like that. And I realized that I associated love with gifts.

Oh, so was that your number one love language?

That was my number one love language.

And is it gift giving and getting?

Yes. So I love giving people grand gestures, and I love receiving grand gestures. But my wife, her number one love language is quality time. Because her family on their birthdays and stuff would just time spent. Yeah. They wouldn't go out to work that day. Her dad would stay home. They would plan an activity or whatever, something like that, and they spend time together. So when we met, I was like, where's my gift? Like, where is it? It's like, do you not love me? And I would be giving her these grand gestures and gifts on her birthday, and she'd be like, I just want to spend time with you. And.

Okay, I want you to break mine down.

Go on.

I'm acts of service.

Yes.

What does it mean?

Do you like giving or receiving?

I like getting acts of service. Like, if you want to love me. Acts of service.

Well, that's the hardest one, right? Your husband'? That's amazing. That is the hardest try.

He is a talented man.

Yeah, that is.

I mean, it's like he vacuums. Make the bed. Do the thing that I asked you one time and it's done.

I'm like, wow, that is impressive.

Oh, yeah.

Active service is one of the hardest ones.

It is. Oh, so I'm hard to love.

No, you're not. Just kidding.

I'm just kidding.

No, no. So that's me projecting my bias of how scary I found out. That's me going, oh, my God, I'm so glad that I could never do that. I could never live up to that. But no, that's beautiful. And that's what I mean, that you are with a partner who understands that, loves that, is able to give that, and that's great love.

Languages are very important in relationships, and Justin's is time spent and physical touch.

Okay.

Those are his top. So I just know that, like, I know what he needs.

Exactly.

And he knows what I need. And I think that anybody who feels like they're not connecting with their partner should read that book 100%.

I love that book. I recommend it to everyone. And I think the biggest thing we should all notice is until you read that book and until you figure out love languages, you are speaking different languages, right? And so it's like literally speaking to your partner in a language they don't understand. And so you could be doing everything, like for example, for you, you know, Justin could be buying you like the best gifts in the world and taking on fancy holidays and all this kind of stuff, but he's not doing acts of service. And you're going to be like, well, now what?

Doesn't he love me?

Yeah, exactly. And he does. You may be with someone, anyone who's listening and watching this right now. You may have someone who loves you deeply. You just never articulated what your love language is. You have to speak up, you have to share it. You can't, no one can read in between the lines. You can't expect that person to figure it out by looking at you. You need to tell them, this is how I feel most loved, right? This is what I need to feel loved. And I see so many couples that get scared about saying this or doing this or it's like hard for your ego because being able to have enough vulnerability and openness to say to your wife, I need you to tell me I've got this right, like words of affirmation that I need words of affirmations. And you know, the ego goes, oh, no, I don't really need that for my wife. But you have to share it. If you don't tell them that, how are they going to know? You got to put your ego aside and be really open and honest.

Everything you talk about on social media and through your videos is so emotional based. And there's just a lot of like that inner work, especially like with relationships. But what about the physical aspect of it? Like physical, like the intimacy and all of that. Do you ever touch on any of that?

Ah, let me think. I've definitely talked about it from an abuse point of view.

Right?

You're talking about from a.

Well, like when you're married, sex is important.

Yeah, yeah, right.

And I think that for me, my understanding is like, you have to have the emotional first before the sex can stay consistent.

Correct.

And great.

It's so much easier to talk about that or go into that. And that's why I focus so much on My content on the other side, right? And my content is so heavily focused on the compatibility, on the healing, on the deep work. Because I'm like, if people get this right, they're gonna have amazing relationships, they're gonna have amazing physical, everything's gonna be great. But when you look at all these magazine covers and you'll always see like, you know, the seven things she wants in bed and the three things. And it's always those things, like, and that's what I love about what I've been able to do with video, is that we've shifted the conversation. The videos gained millions and millions of views, but we're talking about stuff that actually is gonna make a difference. Whereas you telling someone like, these are the three things she wants in bed, like, that's not gonna change your relationship. If you aren't compatible, if you don't connect, if you don't speak the right love languages, if you're not empathetic, if you're not vulnerable, then that three list of this and seven lists of that isn't gonna do anything.

It's void.

And that's where I'm trying to get to with people. Because I don't want people to use sex as, as a substitute for that. And I don't want people to use sex as an excuse for that. And I don't want people to use sex as a cover up for not having any of that. Because I know having been in tons of relationships where it was just physical and that's all there was. That's the only time it felt good. It didn't feel good at any other time. I didn't go home with a beautiful feeling in my heart. And then when it's only about that, that's also when it can be easily replaced because that's easily changeable. And that's why I think so many people go through and I talk about my videos so much, about cheating and loyalty. Because when it is just physical, it becomes so much more easier to just disconnect and throw it away.

And now heartbreak.

Yes.

What's your advice on heartbreak? I know you have a video up. It's like the five things people should do through heartbreak. And one of them is like, get rid of everything from the past and only focus on the present and the future. That's hard for people.

I like getting rid of visual triggers. I think the challenge in a lot of our lives is that we're surrounded by the same sounds, the same sights, and the same people that we were in our past. And I see this with anything. And I'm sure you felt this. When you went deeper into your faith, did your circles change 100%? Right. When you went deeper into your faith, did what you look at change 100%? Right.

So you look at my heart changed.

Your heart changed, both internal and external.

Yes. Because for me, when I transformed in my faith, it was a transformation of my heart.

Yes.

Not about what I was actually doing or not doing.

Correct. And that's what I feel for anyone. Anyone that I've witnessed and observed go through transformation in their life. Their environments have changed. And so for me, a lot of us are making it harder for yourself. It's like saying, I want to start working out every day, but I don't own any trainers. Right. It's like, that's not going to work. It's like doing the opposite. Like, I want to go on a diet, but I'm going to keep chocolate cake in my refrigerator. Right. Like, it's that. So you're saying.

So you're enabling yourself.

I want to get over the past, but I'm going to keep my ex's sweater right next to me, and I'm going to keep all these text messages that I can keep reading through again.

Why do people go back and read text messages from someone that broke their heart?

Because nostalgia and imagination is more powerful. Right. The feeling of nostalgia, and this is in studies too. Like, the research behind nostalgia is you always think things were better in the past with something like this. So you read a message and you're like, oh, but they love me so much. And now all you're doing is reality's here, and you've got your own version of reality playing here. So you're basically writing your own movie script up here. When reality's telling you this, and nostalgia.

Is that script, it's that fantasy that's never gonna be.

It's that fantasy that isn't real. So it's you saying, I don't want to accept what is. And I'm trying to accept, what if.

Those people who can't get over that. That hump, what do you tell them?

One of the biggest things, like, do.

You really want to.

No, no, no, no, no, no. It's a good. It's a good conversation. I think one of the biggest things I say to people is just like, let's kind of break their space that they're in. It's almost like that person needs a space change and they need to get out of that zone. And so for me, I'm always encouraging people to start Doing new things. I think it's so powerful when you go and have a new experience, when you try something new, you join a new class. You've never done it before because guess what, it's about finding yourself again. So you're now learning new things about yourself. You're now falling in love with yourself.

It's about falling in love with yourself.

Correct. And I think that the biggest mistake we make in that time is everyone's telling you, oh, when's the rebound? Like, are you going to date this guy? When are you going to start dating again? Or this girl? When are you going to be out there again? And it's almost like, well, no, maybe it's about I go inside this time and spend some time with myself. And I think new experiences are a beautiful way of doing that. Because you only learn new things about yourself when you do new things with yourself.

Right.

You never, like, we never do new things with ourselves. You're always doing the same things with the same people. But imagine you start doing new things on your own and now you have new memories. And one of the things I've been talking about a lot with people is forming new memories. If you don't make new memories, the old ones will always hold you back. And that's why we're stuck in the old, because we're not making any new ones. So the old ones just keep pulling you back. So the best way to make new memories is a set up, an experience. Do it with a friend that you love. And when you go out there, it's this technique that's often used for grounding and therapy and everything. But I use it for presence. And that's how we were trained in it as monks. When you go somewhere and you're like, I want to take a mental picture of this. How many times have you ever said that where you go somewhere, you're like, I want to have this in my mind and I want to keep it forever.

And the iPhone camera is not going to.

And the camera is not going to do it. It's not going to keep it emotionally. And I think we're so bad at creating emotional memories that are new. So the best way to do it is called 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Okay, so when you're in a space and let's say I want to do it of this, I look at five things that I could see. So five things that I can see right now. So I'm going to say, you obviously important part of the memory.

You're important too. I'm doing it with you.

Yeah. I'm going to say the rug. So I'm going for space.

Okay.

I look at the ceiling. So 1, 2, 3, 4. I'm going to say the couch. So there are five things that I can see. The second thing is four things that you can touch. Okay, so four things I can touch.

My silky dress, my really dry skin.

You're good at descriptions. Silky dress, dry skin. This is good.

The rough textured.

Rough.

Textured. Rough. Yes. And. Oh, my glass.

Yeah, glass.

Water.

Amazing. Three things that you can hear.

I can hear the light.

Yes.

I can hear myself swallow. And I can hear your voice.

Perfect. And then two things that you can smell.

I can smell my garlic breath. And I'm having a hard time smelling basically anything because you can hear how clogged I am.

Yeah, me too.

But maybe my perfume.

Okay, great.

It's all about me.

Yeah, no, that's good. And then one thing you can taste garlic. Great. So if you did that in an experience that you want to tortoise forever, all you have to do to make a mental picture. Take a mental picture of everything is do 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste.

I really like that.

Yeah, it's beautiful. And this is what I mean by when you're going through a breakup, the biggest mistake you make is the old memories hold you back because you don't know how to make new memories. And so my advice to everyone is, go and make new memories.

Okay, so I did Tony Robbins, right? And it was the lightning. It was fun. And the biggest thing that I came away with was I don't live in the present. I'm constantly living for the what's next? Here we go. You know, okay, team, it's time to hustle. And he said, what are you grateful for? And, I mean, I could sit there and say, I'm grateful for my health, I'm grateful for my family. I'm great. You know, like, I could list a few things, but he said, what are you grateful for in your career? And it's like, I had to really go deep. And I think that maybe if I started doing the 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, I would be able to go back to experiences that I thought my heart remembered, but my mind didn't.

Totally.

And I am totally implementing 5, 4, 3.

And that's exactly what it's. So today, it's used for a lot of people who struggle with anxiety to bring them Back into the moment when we were trained in as monks. It was what we did for Presence, like Zelia, what you said. And this is why the biggest mistake we make is when you're having an experience, the only sense we activate is the eyes. And that's why when you're trying to think of a past memory, you go, what was it again? Because you have to close your eyes because that was the only one that was activated. Whereas what we've done with 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, is you've now absorbed this memory through all the five senses, which means each one of them is going to give you a different bond. I like it. Yeah.

Wow. All right. Switching gears a little bit. I really feel like insecurities breed negativity. Right. And a motto that I like to live by is kill people with kindness. What do you think about that phrase?

I love that. You do. I agree with you completely. This is the beautiful thing that happens when you say thank you to someone who's kind to you. It does three things. The first thing is you recognize kindness. So now you are triggering your mind to start recognizing kindness, and you're now recognizing kindness in them. The second thing you do is you reinforce kindness in them. They realize, they're like, oh, when I'm kind, people appreciate it, so I'm going to be more kind. So you've now reinforced kindness within them. And the third thing is you help them repeat it. Now that you've shown them that their kindness is reciprocated, they're now going to be kind to more people. So when you recognize kindness in someone, it reinforces that belief that kindness is amazing, and then they repeat that kindness to other people. So now you've started this domino effect of kindness just by thanking one person who knew. Yeah.

It's so interesting to hear you talk about being a monk and, like, how you spend half the day working on yourself and half of the other day working to give out to others. And what is your take on putting yourself first? And, like, is it selfish?

So with monk teachings, the point is, you are taking care of yourself first in order to serve better. So it's always like, I'm gonna put myself first so that I can fill up so that I can serve with more. Because we want to serve with our best selves. I always say this to people. It's like, people always like, jay, should I go to this party? Should I go out to this event? Should I call up this person? Should I do this? Should I do that? And I'm just like, well, if you're going to show up there with that energy where you're going to have to convince yourself to go, then guess what? That person's going to feel that. Because if you want to show up and you're going to show up with your best. So I feel for me, it's not selfish. If the intention is, I want to give more and serve more, that's good. It's selfish when it's just like, oh, I'm just going to take care of myself because that's all that matters. Whereas it's like, no, I'm going to take care of myself because I want to give my best self to the people I love, to the people of the world, to the people I care for. And so I'm gonna keep prioritizing myself. So I went down the wrong journey. When I first started wanting to serve, I used to just think, oh, yeah, I'm gonna stay up all night. Someone needs me to drive halfway across the country, I'll do that. And I would do things like that. And I started to realize I was just people pleasing. I wasn't serving. I was actually serving my own ego. That was the most selfish thing.

Interesting.

It was the most selfish thing because it was just people pleasing. But then I realized actually me saying, look, you know what? I need to get a good night's sleep tonight. But I promise you, first thing in the morning, we're going to talk about this and I'm going to bring my best self to this conversation. People started to respect that and value that and gave me that space. And so for me, as long as your intention is clear that you're putting yourself first so that you can give more, that's the best thing you can do. Because I don't want to die early because I'm negligent of my health. Because that means you're going to serve less in the long term. Hey, friends, quick question. How do your nights feel? Hatch believes the way you wind down at night shapes how you show up the next day. Self care isn't about doing more. It starts with resting better. That's why Hatch created their Hatch Restore a smart sleep clock that helps you reclaim your evenings, think calming sounds, gentle audio, and even a surprise wake up to start your day right. Check it out at Hatch Co. Because better nights lead to better days. Hey, everyone, Jay here. And as much as you listen to me, you ought to listen to your body. Little things like headaches, hair loss can be your body's way of telling you, hey, something's up. Do you hear Me, I will not be ignored. Luckily, Amazon One Medical has 247 virtual care. So they're always there to listen to your body. Thanks to Amazon One Medical, healthcare just got less painful.

And have you noticed this shift on social media where it feels like we're all kind of competing in the self Care Olympics? What do you feel like that pressure is for everybody just to look and feel centered?

I think it's a good thing that people are now starting to realize that fatigue is not a badge of honor, that you're only successful if you feel that way at the end of the day. But I think this is what always happens in the world. Balance only comes when we go from one extreme to the other extreme. So at one point, maybe a few years ago, I don't know how long, people were always like, you have to grind and hustle and that's the only thing about success. And you have to work hard and if you're not tired, then you're never going to be successful. You're never going to be a millionaire or billionaire, whatever it is. And I think that was the talk. And now the talk's gone the other way. If you're not getting a massage every week and you're not sleeping eight hours.

If you're not meditating. Lymphatic massages.

Exactly. And then it goes to the other extreme. And that's how the world gets back into balance. And we know the answer is the middle. We know that you need to feel a bit stretched in order to work on yourself. You need to work on yourself to stretch yourself a little more. And life is never the perfect middle. It's constantly back and forth. And I think that's the mistake. We're looking for middle or we're looking for extreme. And actually it's just back and forth. It's just oscillating. I'm never at a point where I'm like, oh, my life is in perfect balance. Because balance is a myth.

What are three practices for self care that you live by or that you give as examples?

One of my favorite ones is what I talk about emotional vocabulary. So Harvard, and you can Google this, has this great table and it shows how limited our emotional vocabulary is. So what I mean by this is if someone asks you, how's your week been?

Ah, it's all right.

All right. Good. Bad? Fine. Okay. Right. How's your week going? Good. How's your day been? Okay. How are you doing tonight? Fine. Right. That's literally how we describe our lives.

Sometimes I say, so good just to Mix it up.

I love it. Good. At least you've got an expansive emotional vocabulary.

So expansive.

So expansive. But our emotional vocabulary is so limited. Now there's a challenge here. We don't get to understand how we truly feel because we never articulate and express it. So when you say that you're angry, are you offended? Are you irritated, Are you defensive? There's so much more to the word angry than just anger. Or when you say I'm sad, when you say you're sad, are you upset? Are you regretful? Are you triggered? Right. There's just so much more. When you self diagnose and you limit your vocabulary, you're just like, oh, I'm just sad, I'm just angry. And. Which means that you can't articulate to yourself what you're really dealing with and you can't articulate to a friend what you're dealing with. So you don't feel understood. And feeling understood is such an important part of self care. The feeling that I can articulate what I'm really going through and someone understands me. That's huge for self care. I think it's one of the most important things of self care. When you look at someone and you feel they really get me, doesn't that, isn't that so good for your confidence and your self worth and your significance.

Makes you like them, feel loved.

Exactly. All in one moment. So for me, that's one of the best self care techniques is when I'm struggling with something, let me not settle for the base level emotion. Let me really understand it. And then if you're speaking to a therapist, you're speaking to your doctor, you're speaking to your friend, you can now actually articulate it better so they can actually help you back.

Wow.

And you feel understood.

What else you've got?

Yeah. The second self care tip that I absolutely love is how we talk to ourselves.

Right.

And so this to me is probably the biggest one. One thing I was talking about is I looked at the definition of confidence and I've never done this, but I love looking.

Actually I haven't either. And I talk about confidence all the time.

So I thought I'd look at the definition. And it starts off by talking about self assurance. And you think, okay, yeah, that's what I imagine when confidence. And then it says. And it's the appreciation of one's own abilities and qualities. Which blew my mind. Notice it didn't say receiving appreciation for your quality for yourself. Yeah. Appreciation of one's own abilities and qualities, not the Appreciation of others, not the validation of our brothers, not the approval of others.

But that's why you can say, I have confidence in you.

Correct.

Or I have confidence in myself.

Correct.

Right, okay.

Yeah. And so the way we talk to ourselves is all over the place.

It's key.

When you're going out to a party, you dress up and you look at the person, you go, how do I look in this? And I'm like, no. Ask yourself, how do I look in this? Like, how do I feel in this? Or when you go to an interview, people say, how would people describe you in three words? It's like, why do we care about how people would describe it? How would I describe myself in three words? And so for me, the way we talk to ourselves is such a big thing. So I have this mechanism that I love coaching people on and sharing with people. It's called spot, stop, swap.

Spot.

Oh, my British accent. Okay, I want to do it with you.

Spot, spot.

A spot of tea.

A spot of tea. Spot, Stop, stop.

Swap.

Swap.

Yeah. So every time. That's very good. That's very, very. And I'm not even that posh, but you made me sound really posh.

Yes, darling. Mary Poppins is what I have.

I love it. I feel like we need to hold a bit of tea and just, can.

We get a tea?

But spot, stop, swap. So every time you notice yourself say something negative to yourself, spot it first, start spotting that pattern. Because that's all it is. It's a pattern. And we don't realize how much the words we say to ourselves have an impact. Like when you say something like, to yourself, like, I'm starving. Right. When you say that, guess what? Your body gets triggered into feeling like it's starving.

Oh, my God. I see that.

So mind and body are connected. So do I. That's why I'm picking on this example. Whereas what you actually mean is, I've been lazy. I haven't planned my meals. I haven't eaten for two, three hours. And you're saying, I'm starving. Starving is the person who doesn't know where their next meal is coming from. You're just hungry and disorganized. And so when we say to ourselves, I'm exhausted, rather than saying, I'm going to make time for a nap today, or, I'm going to sleep earlier today, I'm going to bed, you're saying the same thing, but what you're saying is changing it. So spot, first, spot that pattern. One of the things I think a lot of people say to themselves is, I'm not good enough. I'm ugly. I'm not beautiful. She's beautiful. He's really good looking. He's got a great body. She's whatever. And if you spot that, where is that happening? It's usually happening when you're browsing through social media. So now let's stop. Let's limit the time you spend in that place with that person. Whatever it is that's sparking and triggering that thought, let's limit that time and then let's swap it for something better. So what am I going to swap that with? I'm going to listen to Ashley's podcast. I'm going to read this book that Ashley recommended called the Five Love Languages. I'm going to go to a class that I've been wanting to go to or a workshop or whatever it may be. You've now opened yourself up to swapping it. So spot, stop, swap. So start to spot the patterns, the way you talk to yourself that are bringing you down. Start stopping being in those places and times that spark that thought because there's usually an alignment. And then swap it, upgrade it for something higher.

Swap it. Yeah, that's good.

Yeah.

So I can't say it three times fast, though.

Spot, stop, swap. Spot, stop, spot. Yeah, that's all I. Yeah, so that's. That's probably my second one and. And my third one. This is probably one of my favorite ones right now. And I think we've been told for a long time that you're the average of the five people you spend most time with. We've heard that again and again and again. And everyone's always like, get together with people you want to be like and stuff. And I've been thinking about that a lot lately and I was. A lot of my friends were saying, you know, Jay, I'm always around people, but I still feel lonely. I don't know if you've heard that people are like, I'm busy, but I'm lonely.

I'm around people, especially here in LA and New York, right? Yeah.

And you feel that people feel lonely. And I said, the challenge is we need to stop getting together and we need to start growing together. And what I mean by that is schedule one experience once a week with a friend where you're both growing together. Choose an activity that neither of you are pro at. So don't go to yoga class. If one of you is a yoga enthusiast and the other isn't, go somewhere where there's a level playing field. Why? Because you now get a fresh experience together. It's so good because it boosts your confidence.

Who cares if you're bad?

Totally. And because you're going together and you're both bad, there's no pressure. And my best memory of this is, once for training I was sent to Chicago and it was 80 of us who'd never worked together. This was when I joined a corporate company. 80 of us were sent to Chicago for training, but we were told it was Chicago. But actually we were two hours outside of Chicago in the middle of nowhere. And we'd be at training 9am to 6pm and then at 6pm it was too late to get into Chicago. So we'd have to do something. And the only thing we could do is play sport because there were all these outdoor sports places. 10 of us every night would go out and we played volleyball in the snow. None of us had ever played volleyball before. I could pick up the phone to any of these people today because we all just had this crazy unique experience together.

That's so funny.

And you're learning something together and I think we underestimate this. Learning something every day is huge for your self care because you only feel good about yourself when you feel you're progressing. So I started this really simple habit and it's learning a new word every single day.

Oh, oh, I've been writing down new words in my notes. Yes.

Oh, I love this. Okay. Amazing. So literally learning a new word every day. And you may say, jay, I want to learn a new city or I want to learn about a new culture or I want to learn about a new cuisine or I want to learn, but make it small and something you can achieve like in three minutes.

Right.

And so my word today was Meraki. M E R A K I Meraki. Yeah. And what it means is to do something with soul or to create and leave a piece of you in it, in what you create. And what I love about that word is now I've shared that with you. We're now having a discussion about it. You've now contributed to a conversation. Your self worth gets boosted because you've learned something new. You've proved to yourself you can remember and share it. Those are just some answers straight away that came to my mind. Practices that I think are really simple.

They are simple. I'm glad you explained them because I think sometimes people just rattle things off and they don't go into explanation. And I think that's really important.

Thank you.

I think that a lot of people are looking for peace. What do you say to those people who are just in search of peace?

I'm glad you asked this. So the tagline of my book is called Train youn Mind for Peace and Purpose Every Day.

Wow.

I believe that it's something that can be trained and I believe it's something that you have to take responsibility for. The world around you is never going to be fully peaceful, ever. Even if there was world peace, you would still not have peace with a little argument with your partner or a little issue at work. Like, that's never going to disappear. So the desire for everything around you to be calmed is a wishful thought that doesn't have an end. Whereas the feeling of wanting to create calm and peace within is very realistic. And the point is that that peace is always going to get triggered. And I think that's the mistake we make. We're looking for this perfect, consistent, never touched definition of peace. Whereas peace is something you're constantly training yourself to look for. So what I would say is that people should try and find the one activity they have in their day that brings them peace. It could be sitting and having their morning tea. It could be sitting and reading from a book they love. It could be having a beautiful conversation with their partner. Whatever it is, just have one activity a day that brings you peace. In my book, obviously I talk about a lot more than that. But to find just something that brings you peace, it could be a mindset that brings you peace. So I really believe that all stress, pressure, or lack of peace comes from your mind being ahead of your body or your body being ahead of your mind. So how many times have you been in a scenario where your mind's like, racing really, really fast and your body's like, ugh, I just want to be in bed. Right. Everyone been in that situation?

Yeah.

Or you're in the opposite scenario where your body is moving really, really fast, doing a lot, but your mind's like, ugh, I still want to be in bed.

Oh, that was me yesterday.

Right, Right. So we've all experienced both.

You get into all this in your book, don't you?

Yes.

Oh, I can't wait to read it.

So the alignment of the two is what creates peace. Let's imagine I was running late today and I'm stressing. I'm like, I haven't thought about this and I don't know what it's about. And maybe I'm, you know, all that stuff that we know that you'd be stressed about when you're running to work. And I'M sitting in the back of a Lyft or an Uber, or I'm driving and I turn up to the meeting.

Cause you live in LA and you can drive.

Correct. So what I would do is I sit down and I breathe in for the same count that I breathe out. Oh, yeah. So I breathe in for a count.

Of four and through the nose, out.

Through the mouth, through the nose, out through the mouth, and I breathe out for a count of four. Now, when you breathe in for the same amount of time as you breathe out, you're aligning your body and mind. Why? Because your mind is counting. 1, 2, 3, 4. And your body in unison is breathing in and out. 1, 2, 3, 4.

This is very similar to hypnobirthing.

Yes. Oh, no, I didn't know that. I was saying hypnotherapy, but hypnobirthing.

No, but what they're teaching me through, like going through contractions and things, it's amazing because it connects your body and your mind and it helps you deal with any kind of stress.

Yes.

And because I'll be going through physical stress.

Correct.

It's going to help me through that.

Amazing. Yeah, I love that. And that's the point. That whenever your mind or body are ahead or behind of each other, that's where you feel a lack of peace. And so you find peace when you come back into alignment. So Gandhi said, when what you think, what you say and what you do are aligned, then you'll feel peace and harmony.

Well, I'm excited for more Jay Shetty knowledge.

Thank you. You're very kind.

No, you're kind.

You're very kind. Honestly. And I really love our conversations because, A, you ask amazing questions, B, you make it very fun to be around you, and C, I'm just so impressed right now. I am blown away.

Thank you for being here.

Thank you for having me.

But before I let you go, there's one thing that we do at the end of every pretty big deal, everybody kind of freaks out.

Do I have to do, like a.

You don't have to get up and.

Do an answer anything. Oh, good, good, good.

But you do have to answer a couple questions.

Okay.

We do the live Boldly Lightning round.

Ooh, I like it.

What's the last pretty penny you spent?

Oh, probably these.

Oh, those are good.

Yeah.

He's lifting up his shoe. These are nice trainers. What's your biggest deal breaker?

In what scenario?

In any scenario.

No intention.

Oh, that's good.

If I don't feel someone has an intention, it doesn't have to be right or wrong because I think that's subjective.

Right.

But it's like.

It's like an empty question.

Correct. Like, where's the heart? Like, is there any heart? Is there soul? Is there intention to this? Or is it just because.

All right. And because we're on pretty big deal and you're a pretty big deal. I want to know what's a pretty big deal to you.

I'm not used to being on the other side of these. I ask a lot of these questions.

I know you do. I put on the other side of the world.

I know, I know. You were great. A pretty big deal to me is being able to make really meaningful friendships after 30 years old. As we get older, I think it gets hard to build really deep, meaningful relationships. A pretty big deal to me is finding really, really meaningful, deep, beautiful relationships that are genuine, authentic, that I could pick up the phone to in a tough time, that would call me in a tough time. Yeah, I put that above everything.

You make a good point there, Jay. Thank you so much for coming up. Thank you. I really appreciate it.

Oh, yeah, this is. Thank you. This is so much fun.

It was.

I love this. Check this out. On an average commercial flight, the captain has the Autopilot engaged about 90% of the time. And some psychologists estimate that we make about 90% of our decisions similarly on autopilot, without thinking. But unlike an airline pilot, when we take our hands off the controls, we don't usually end up where we want to go. But don't worry, there's a simple way that we can stay dialed in. The next seven minutes are about intention and adding direction to the choices you make in life. I'm Jay Shetty. Welcome to the Daily J. Now, before we take off, let's pause and take three deep breaths to help us get centred. Breathing in and breathing out, inviting inward and releasing outward, opening up and settling in. Now, let me tell you a story. Before I started high school, if you'd have asked me what my worst subject was, I'd have said art, no question. But then I met Mr. Buckeridge. He was an art teacher in my school, tall and thin. And I remember how he always wore these red checkered shirts and knit ties. I also remember something Mr. Buckeridge would do that really bugged me. At least at first. He'd stroll around the room looking at our work and each time he'd stop at my desk and ask me this question. Why? Like, why had I decided to use that colour combination? I don't know, I'd say, cause it looks cool. Mr. Buckeridge would shake his head. That's not a real reason. He always pushed me to really think things through, to be clear about my choices. And honestly, that's where I first learned the power and the importance of intentionality. That lesson has helped me throughout my life, and it's one that can help you, too. When I left high school, art had gone from being my worst class to my best. But it wasn't because I got good at painting or drawing. I didn't. I'm still terrible at them. It's because I learned to look at the world through the lens of intention. And now, today, if I'm launching a new project or even just decorating my office at every step along the way, I know my why. When we ask why, it's like turning on a light in a dark room. We're no longer just feeling our way around, hoping we'll eventually find the door. Instead, we have a vision and a direction. It also ensures that we're living with purpose instead of being driven by unquestioned impulses or unexamined emotions that we're not living life on autopilot or playing follow the leader. Why is an opportunity to check in with yourself, to make sure that your actions align with your values and your priorities. Here's a simple yet profound exercise today. At each decision point you encounter, as you contemplate your choice, pause and ask yourself why? Okay, it doesn't have to be every decision, considering how many we actually make in a day. But try to do it for a few hours. Why am I having cereal for breakfast? Why am I opting to wear this shirt? Why am I stopping to buy a coffee on my way to work? And why did I choose this coffee shop? Remember, answers like because it's cool or Because I always do will get the Mr. Buckridge buzzer. Challenge yourself to go deeper. You might be surprised at what you discover and how being more thoughtful and deliberate impacts your life. I know it may seem like a little thing, but asking yourself why gives you back the controls so you can fly with direction and intention. And with that in mind, let's practice our intentionality as we turn to our meditation. First, get comfortable wherever you are and be purposeful about what that means for you in this moment. During this practice, you shouldn't do anything just because it's what you usually do. Instead, be very deliberate so eyes open or closed and consider why you're making that choice. Tune in to your breath here and you can keep flowing along with your natural rhythm, or mindfully breathe a little deeper. Feel free to hold your attention on your breath or consciously shift your awareness somewhere else, like a sensation in your body or a sound in the environment. Now take a moment to think about your day so far. Why are you where you are right now? Why are you listening to the Daily J? Why are you listening at this time of day, in this place? And now, let's open this up. How often do you do things with clarity of purpose and intention? And how often would you say you're on autopilot. As you move through life? When and where? Could you ask yourself why? How could this transform your life for the better? Personally, my why for the Daily J is very clear. I'm incredibly motivated to help others live their most mindful lives. I hope Mr. Buckridge would be proud. Thanks for being here and I'll see you tomorrow. Hey, it's Joel and Matt from how to Money if your New Year's resolution is to finally get your finances in shape, we've got your back prices, they're still high, and the economy is all over the place. But 2026 is the year for you to get intentional and make real progress.

That's right, yeah.

Each week we break down what's happening.

With your money, the most important issues to focus on, and the small moves.

That make a big difference. Kick off the year with confidence. Listen to How To Money on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Hi, I'm Dr. Priyanka Walley.

And I'm Hari Kondabolu.

It's a new year, and on the podcast Health Stuff, we're resetting the way we talk about, which means being honest.

About what we know, what we don't know, and how messy it can all be.

I like to sleep in late and sleep early.

Is there a chronotype for that, or.

Am I just depressed?

Health Stuff is about learning, laughing, and feeling a little less alone.

Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

This is Dr. Jesse Mills, host of the Mailroom podcast. Each January mentioned promise to get stronger, work harder, and fix what's broken. But what if the real work isn't physical at all? I sat down with psychologist Dr. Steve Poulter to unpack shame, anxiety, and the emotional pain men were never taught how to name. Part of the way through the valley of despair is realizing this has happened and you have to make a choice whether you're going to stay in it or move forward. Our two part conversation is available now. Listen to the mailroom on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your favorite shows.

This is an iHeart podcast. Guaranteed Human.