The Dark Side of Big Goals

Hello and welcome to the Curiosity Chronicle, a weekly podcast where I provide actionable ideas to help you build a high performing, healthy, wealthy life. Today's podcast is brought to you by AG1 by Athletic Greens my all in one daily supplement. Seriously, this stuff has replaced an entire cabinet of supplements for me in one daily Scoop. There's a reason it's been a core part of my daily routine since 2011. To find out why, go to drinkag1.comsahil and take advantage of a limited time offer. Now onto today's the Dark side of Big Goals A few weeks ago, I completed my first marathon in 2 hours 57 minutes 31 seconds. Just six months after I started running in March, I decided that I wanted to pursue a new physical challenge and given the weather was improving, I picked running. I had developed a very negative relationship with the activity during my baseball years, when it was mostly a punishment for poor performance, but I figured pursuing it in a new context would change that. I set an ambitious goal to run a sub three hour marathon within six months of starting. Why? It seemed like the mark of an elite amateur and I guessed it was achievable if I really pushed myself. I registered for the Erie Marathon, which was set to take place on September 10, and started training like a maniac to achieve my big goal. And when September 10th arrived, I did it. And it felt great at first. But what happened next surprised me and led to a fundamental change in how I'm going to think about goal setting and achievement in the future. Let's have an honest conversation about the dark side of big goals. Come to the dark side if you are an ambitious person, which I'm willing to bet most of my listeners would identify with. You've probably followed a model that looks like this. Start at point A. Establish a big goal to reach point C. Work like crazy to achieve big goal. The problem, as I now see it, is what happens next. There are two potential outcomes with big goals. One goal missed. You work and work towards your big goal only to come up short. The pain, sadness and disenchantment from missing a big goal that you work towards is obvious and real. We all know this pain. It's often the worst if you come up just short of the big goal. Since the outcome we created was binary, this is what I would have felt if I had run a three hour and one minute time in the marathon. The other option is number two Goal hit. You did it. You achieved the big goal. You feel an immediate hit of euphoria. Then you go to sleep, wake up the next day and think, okay, now what? You know you should feel great, but you don't, which makes you feel worse. No one wants to hear about your champagne problems, so you keep them to yourself. This post achievement rut is what I felt after running the marathon and what I want to focus on today. My view is that big goals create a perfect storm for unhappiness via three core pathways. Number one the arrival fallacy. How many times have you assumed that your lasting happiness was on the other side of some big goal? A promotion, a pay raise, another degree, etc. How many times have you been proven wrong in this assumption? The arrival fallacy is the term used to describe the false assumption that achieving a big goal will create that lasting happiness in our lives. It's a when then psychology that says when I achieve X, then I'll be happy. The reality is that achievement is not a lasting source of happiness. Our natural wiring, hedonic adaptation keeps us running. We reset to the baseline and start wondering about what comes next. Number two Purpose Dissipation when you are hunting a big goal, you wake up with a clear purpose. In my case, as I was pursuing the marathon goal, I knew that I needed to bring a clear focus to my running and training for the day. I woke up energized and excited to take it on and keep making progress. After I achieved it, I woke up with no clear reason to push myself physically. I felt a bit lost if I'm honest, as I didn't know what I was working on or towards that day. The happiness of the goal achievement was replaced by a wandering sensation of being lost. The focus on a singular big goal created a purpose but also destroyed it once the big goal was achieved. Extrinsic Focus In a meta analysis of 105 studies covering over 70,000 participants, researchers found that valuing and prioritizing extrinsic goals over intrinsic goals is a recipe for for lower well being. My observation is that big goals tend to be extrinsic in nature. A promotion, title bump or big race financial achievement, becoming a millionaire, hitting a specific follower count or level of fame. These big goals become how we define success for ourselves and our lives. Achieving the last big goal is never enough as we simply reset our scoreboard and need to achieve the next big goal to feel like a success. By defining our success on the basis of these extrinsic goals, we are setting ourselves up for unhappiness. The Case for Micro Goals in the introduction to this piece, I said that my realization on the dark side of big goals led to a fundamental change in how I'm going to think about goal setting and achievement in the future. I'm not going to make the case for eliminating big goals from your life. I still think it's important to have big, ambitious, overarching goals that push you to grow and adapt. I will continue to have big goals, though. I will try to ground them in intrinsic objectives where possible. The big change I plan to make I am going to focus on micro goals. Micro goals are small incremental growth and development targets. They aren't the giant leaps like the sub 3 hour marathon target, but the small steps that happen along the way, like completing a 10 mile run. Pain free micro goals solve the three main pain points of big goals. 1. They avoid the arrival fallacy. Micro goals are small enough that you don't tie some grand happiness assumptions to their achievement. They keep you motivated to grow without the pressure that they will individually change your life. 2. They create daily purpose. Micro goals are continuous versus discrete. There is no big purpose letdown because there is always another micro goal on the near term horizon that you can use for motivation. Further, my new practice will always have micro goals positioned just after any big goal achievement date to ensure a purpose in the days that follow. An example would be a recovery micro goal following a marathon big goal to ensure I had a focus area to attack in the aftermath. And number three, intrinsic focus. These micro goals are more intrinsic by nature, partially because they aren't big enough to share publicly for clout or external affirmation. They refocus you internally where big goals fail. Micro goals excel. My go forward approach is as follows. Establish overarching big goal to set direction. Establish small incremental micro goals to set daily focus. Adjust and course correct micro goals regularly based on evidence. Balancing the big with a focus on the micro is where I plan to thrive. Small is beautiful. A lot of small wins add up to something spectacular. Remember, ordinary becomes extraordinary. That's all for today's piece. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you learned something and I hope you'll share it with others. As always, until next time, stay curious friends.