Weekly Question & Framework: April 12, 2024

Hello and welcome to the Curiosity Chronicle Weekly Question and Framework. In three minutes or less, I'll give you one question and one framework to get you thinking going into the weekend. Without further ado, let's dive right into it. A question to improve your relationships Are you listening to understand or just waiting to speak? When I was younger, I used to think that you should never have an argument or fight with someone you love. As I've matured, I've realized that navigating disagreements is how you grow in love with someone. The key to navigating disagreements successfully, with success defined as reaching a solution that helps the relationship grow stronger through the conflict, is mutual understanding. Let me ask you a question. How often have you been in a fight with a loved one and found yourself waiting for your turn to speak? They are going on and on about the issue and you're tapping your foot on the ground and looking at your watch, hopefully metaphorically, until they finish so that you can get your points across. I've been there. It's the default setting of relationship conflict for most of us, and it's the worst way to approach the conflict. You're waiting to speak, not listening to understand. Dr. Julie Gerner is a coach who works with some of the most powerful and high performing leaders in the world. Her model for conflict resolution focuses on shifting from conflict to collaboration. Shift from me versus you Positioning confrontational waiting to speak to us versus Problem positioning collaborative Listening to understand. When you listen to understand, you work against a common enemy, the problem, and solve problems more effectively. Think about this the next time you find yourself in a relationship conflict. I guarantee you'll land the plane in a better place as a result. A framework to find your flow the Law of Reverse Effort There is a Zen parable that I absolutely love. A martial arts student approaches his teacher and asks, how long will it take me to master this craft? The teacher replies, 10 years. The student, looking impatient, responds, I want to master it faster than that. I will work harder than anyone else. I will push myself to practice for many hours every single day. I won't rest until I become a master. How long will it take then? The teacher considers this new information, smiles and answers, 20 years. This story brings to life a concept called the Law of Reversed Effort, coined by author Aldous Huxley. The harder we try with the conscious will to do something, the less we shall succeed. It's easy to find examples from your own life where this concept rings true. When you press to try to complete a creative task, you become less creative when you actively push to try to find the perfect partner. You rarely find that person. When you try to force yourself to fall asleep, you stare at the ceiling awake. Elite sprinters follow the 85% rule. They try to run at 85% intensity because it keeps them loose, fluid and effortless. When they try to run at 100% intensity, their body tenses up and they slow down. The lesson here is simple. When you adopt a mindset of balanced effort, you achieve greater heights. Life is not about pushing to the max at all times. This is a recipe for burnout and bad results. Balance your effort. Learn to breathe and flow in everything you do. If you find that headspace, you will always thrive. That's all for today. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you learned something, and I hope you'll share it with others. As always, until next time, stay curious. Friends.