Everything I Did to Escape Despair and Fall in Love with My Life
Elay Amitay Halevi describes how she escaped depression by restoring her body first (sleep, nutrition, exercise), then rebuilding emotional regulation through meditation and journaling, and finally following her intuition to create an aligned life. She explains how neuroplasticity and cultivating safety in the body made the difference.
Chapters
At any given moment, you can change your life. The past does not have to equal the present or the future. And I want you to know, no matter how low your life has gotten, no matter how low you feel, no matter how hopeless you feel, you can turn it around. I want to share with you today the things that help me turn my life around and the perspective shifts that always pull me out of a dark time or a rut because I am no stranger to darkness. I know what it's like to not want to wake up in the morning. I know what it's like to be alone. I know what it's like to feel like your life has no meaning, like your life has no purpose and that there's just no point in any of it. I know what it's like to have crippling anxiety. I know what it's like for the walls to just close in on you. I know what it's like. I know what it's like. And I've managed to pull myself out of there to the point that I rarely ever, ever feel like that anymore. Thank God. But first of all, I just want to reassure you and let you know that no matter what you've been through in your life, a person who goes through a lot of darkness has the capacity to experience way more light and has a certain inner strength that a person who doesn't go through anything will never have. And I know that's kind of like a cop out, like, oh, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. But honestly, the inner strength that you're gaining by dealing with what you're going through and by coming out on the other end, which you are going to, it's going to stand to you for your whole life. There's actually a law in hermeticism. It's the law of rhythm. And it states that the capacity or the measure of the pendulum swing to the left equates to the measure of the pendulum swing to the right. And particularly, a person who experiences a lot of darkness has the capacity to experience a lot of light. So I want you to remember that no matter how dark it's gotten, gotten, the lower that you go, the higher you can rise. And upon the ashes of your life you can build your kingdom, you can change the story. So let's talk first and foremost about the brain. Because I like to be practical. And when I was in the depths of despair, I wanted facts. Like I didn't want people to tell me, woo woo. Magical principles which we're going to get into some of Those in a minute. But I wanted the facts like I wanted the cold hard truth, because that's all I could believe in. So when we look at the brain, we have neuroplasticity in our minds. Essentially. What that means is the neural connections that you've made in your mind to think a certain way about things, you can change those. You can completely rewire your brain. So I want you to conceptualize for a moment whatever way you've been thinking about things. Let's say for a second you've been thinking a certain way about your finances, or you've been thinking a certain way about yourself for your whole life. That is just a well trodden neural pathway in your mind. Like a pathway through, like, all these trees, right? Your brain is going to try to conserve energy by walking down the pathway that's well trodden. That's why we live our lives on autopilot for the most part, until we come in and interrupt it. But you being the creator, at any given moment, you can take your awareness and you can take your consciousness and you can redirect it onto a new pathway. You can train your brain to do that. And yes, the first couple of times that you do that, it's going to feel difficult because it's like your consciousness is having to, like, scramble through all these trees and leaves and branches and bushes and shrubs, and it's going to want to go on the one that's already cleared and well walked. But you are strong enough to take your attention and to force it down a new pathway, a new way of looking at things, a new way of responding, a new way of thinking about things. And when you force yourself to do that enough times, that pathway becomes well trodden, and then that becomes your autopilot pathway. And what's so freeing about realizing that is you're not your thoughts. You're literally just a bunch of pathways that you've walked and you've learned to walk during your life. But you can take your attention and your awareness and put it on a new pathway. You have the power to do that. I actually saw a video recently on my page of a girl, and she said, get the voice in your head to scream your name as loud as possible. Now get the voice in your head to whisper your name as quietly as possible. You have full control over that voice in your head. You just commanded it to do something and it did it. That voice does not control you. It runs an autopilot way of being that has been trained into you by your environment. But the way that you change your life and is you stop allowing that autopilot environment program to run and you instill a new program. You retrain yourself. And I would need you to start thinking about this like you're going on the training grounds for the rest of your life. You're in your rocky cutscene, you're in the montage, and you almost want to romanticize this part of your life where you're reprogramming yourself to be aligned with what actually matters to you. I was drinking kombucha and now I feel like the bubbles are getting me okay. No, I'm fine. So, yeah, you want to be romanticizing this, and I'm going to give you the layers, but you really want to go into this thinking, I'm stronger than this autopilot program because, my God, you are. And the autopilot program, the sneaky thing about it is it's been taking your energy, it's been leeching off your life force, but that doesn't mean that you don't have life force. So right now, you might feel very tired, very drained, very powerless. And that's because you've been giving your power and your energy away to these disempowering thoughts, to these disempowering habits, to people that are draining you, to situations that aren't aligned with you. Do you know how draining it is to be in a life that is out of alignment. It is exhausting. So you need to realize that you have so much power, but the way that you've been living has been making you think that you don't. That doesn't mean that you don't. It's just literally the way you've been living. It's just the way you've trained yourself to think. That's not your essence. That's not who you truly are. Who you truly are is an infinite being, is all powerful. You are full of consciousness. You are full of divine light. You have life force energy pulsing through your body. So we're going to talk. I'm going to take you through the steps now in one second. Sorry, that sun is so bright. I'm going to take you through the steps now, but I want you to first of all, just commit to going into this training ground with me. Commit to realizing that you're not your thoughts, and you're going to take your power back. I need to close the curtain. Okay? So we're going to go through it layer by layer. Layer one. In this training ground of rebuilding yourself and your life. First of all you need to get your physical body in order so that you've got energy to actually do this inner work. I cannot tell you how important the basics are when you're trying to rewire your beliefs, release your traumas, release your fears and change your identity. That is hard work. It is not a walk in the park. You need extra energy to be able to do this type of work work. And if your energy is drained at a base level just from eating unhealthy foods, from not exercising and from not sleeping, it's going to be very, very difficult for you to do this inner work. Also human connection and human interaction. If you can have just genuine supportive connections, great. If your connections are toxic, cut them all off. While you're shape shifting and morphing and releasing your old self, you need to cut off everyone who's going to bring your energy down. This is the season of prioritizing you. This is the season of rebuilding and mesomorphing into the new version of you. Who's going to be capable of living your dreams. Because the way that you've been living is not fucking working for you. It's made you miserable, it's made you depressed and it's been draining you of your life force. So you've got to make the commitment to prioritize you. And that might mean God, cutting off certain people who make you sacrifice yourself for this season. Let yourself do it. Let yourself be selfish. You need this. You need this the way you've been living, living for other people, prioritizing what other people want, doing things because other people think it's good. It clearly isn't working for you. So now is the time to let that all go and put yourself first. You prioritize your rest, you prioritize your health and you prioritize your exercise. That is the base level of transformation. Once you've got that stuff dialed in, then you move to phase two. Phase two is your mind. Phase two is meditation. Regular daily meditation, preferably in the morning. You want to create. This is so important. And this really, really changed my life in this level too. You want to create containers for peace in a life that is chaotic. So life is inherently chaotic. Especially if you're in a life that just. You feel you're so powerless in. And you keep getting knocked and blow after blow, you just keep getting knocked down. You need to take yourself out of the chaos. You need to get this away from you and have at least an hour in the morning. I'm. I'm actually. I was going to say 20 minutes, but no, honestly, get up earlier and take an hour for yourself to create a. A container of peace where you sit in silence with yourself, where you meditate, where you allow yourself to be vulnerable with yourself about what's hurting you, about what's, what's upsetting you. You allow yourself to sit with your emotions and honor yourself. Journal, get to know yourself. This container of peace that you create in your life is going to have a knock on effect to every other area of your life. So this is what phase two is all about. You want to get to know yourself. You want to sit in silence with yourself. You want to start to understand your emotions and let yourself process your emotions. Let yourself feel all the stuff that you haven't allowed yourself to feel, that you've been running from. In phase two, ride it out, purge it out, cry it out, scream it out, sit with it. Because you're signaling to yourself that it's safe for you to come back home into your energy. And that is so important. So long as you're a million miles away from yourself, running from yourself, constantly getting swept up in the chaos of life and the world. You are not going to know yourself and you're not going to know what you want. And you're never going to be able to come into alignment if you don't come home first into your energy. And you won't come home first if you don't let yourself sit with the uglier or more uncomfortable emotions. Think that is your right of passage, that is your ticket to your alignment. Let yourself sit in the discomfort. Let yourself process your own grief, your own traumas, your own emotions. I promise you, it is so, so worth it. I literally did this. I started meditating. Oh, sorry, sorry. As if you're a person. I started meditating. I was in a toxic relationship. I was living in London and I was so out of alignment. I was so miserable. I was crying in the shower, bawling my eyes out, like, so lost and I just didn't know what to do. I was misaligned in every single area of my life basically. And I remember I just had a thought where I thought, I need to do something. You know when you get to that point where like the pain is just too much and I was sleeping and I was eating and I was exercising, but I had such a void. I was ready for phase two, which is the mind which is creating this container of peace. So I was like, okay, I need to do something. I feel so lost and I was just so hopeless. I felt so powerless. And I thought, what can I do? What can I do? I'm gonna get up an hour earlier than my partner and I'm going to take that hour for myself to be with myself. I also had a really anxious attachment to this person that I just kind of knew wasn't good for me. So this was my way of starting to take my power back. And this was back in 2023. And I would wake up in the morning, I would do a meditation. And that meditation specifically was a frame technique meditation. I've mentioned this a lot and I'll keep mentioning it because it really changed my life. It was a frame technique meditation. I'll leave the link below. And really, that meditation was so powerful because you essentially sit down and you call your energy and your attention back, back to you from everything outside you, from the people you've been sending it to subconsciously, from tuning into other people's energies and emotions constantly, which a lot of us do, especially if you're in a relationship. And I did that for two weeks consistently, every morning. And I could literally feel my life force, my consciousness, my energy coming back to me. And at the end of the two weeks, I remember getting up from the meditation and it's like the blindfold had come off. It's like I had come back into my body and I could see again. I could see who I was, I could see my value all of a sudden. And I could see that this relationship and the situation I was in was not good for me. The blindfold of being so in tune with everyone else's emotions and needs came off. And I could feel finally, because I was back in my body, because I had sat with myself and sat out with my emotions, I felt like I was myself again. And then I felt like I could start making decisions based on that. You need to come home first. Before you go setting goals, chasing things in the world. You need to come home and feel safe in your body. I cannot stress the importance of that enough. So fa, like step two is all about arriving back into your body and detaching from, from the external world, letting go of this program, stressing about this, this, this and this, and your old way of thinking about things. You basically have different neural net networks in your brain. And every time you think of your job, for example, you trigger that same neural, neural network. So you think, job, Karen, Linda, gossip. What about that project? I'm never going to get promoted. You'll have the same thoughts or similar thoughts triggering over and over and over again because you've trained yourself to think that way. When you start meditating, when you start journaling, you begin to create space between you and those autopilot thoughts, between you and tuning outwards all the time to the external world, putting so much importance on everything outside you. And then eventually, with consistent practice, even with two weeks, you can take that attention that you've been putting on, all your habitual thoughts, all your neural networks that you keep firing, and you can bring that attention just back into the present moment. That is when you start to get your power back. That is the most powerful thing you could ever do for yourself. Because you're going to realize you have the power then to take that attention and to put it on something new, to set up a new neural network and new associations and new ways of looking at things. And when you do that, the external world is going to shift to reflect that. So this is how people can literally go from not being able to walk to setting a new neural network in their mind where their, their legs work and they walk. This is how miracles can happen for you in your life. And at the start of this video, I said literally your whole life can change in the, in a moment. But you have to do the inner work to allow that to happen. You have to create that container for yourself, that non negotiable one hour, half an hour, 40 minutes every morning, every day where you calibrate yourself, where you prioritize yourself, where you come back home into your body and you let go of the old way of being consciously and consistently you let it go. You let it go. You let it go. You signal to yourself that it's safe to come home. And slowly but surely you're going to feel safe in your body. You're going to feel safe to let go. And when that happens, a whole new world of possibility opens up for you. You begin to consider that good things can happen for you, that new things are possible for you. Things that you never thought were possible before because you were so caught up in your anxious thought in the old way of things. And you just thought that that's the way that it had to be. You need to create that space. That's what level two is all about. Meditate, journal. Get to know yourself. Start figuring out your self concept. How do you view yourself? What are your beliefs about yourself? What are your beliefs about the world? Where did you get those from? What do you want to believe instead? Start questioning everything you think you know to be true about yourself. Start questioning the stories that you tell yourself. That's literally going to open up so many possibilities for you. You want to look at this almost like you're both reparenting yourself and falling in love with yourself, like all at the same time. So reparenting yourself in terms of your bedtime is at this time, you make sure you're washed, you make sure you're well fed, you make sure you get fresh air, you make sure you feel safe, you make sure you feel heard, you make sure your needs are met. And then falling in love with yourself in terms of seeing the good in yourself, getting to know yourself, getting to know who you really are at your core, and spending quality time with yourself this whole period and how you're going to pull yourself out of this is not going to be found in chasing external things and running away from yourself. The only way you're really going to pull yourself out of this is, is by doing it completely differently and coming back home and prioritizing yourself within phase two, it's really about overcoming your limiting beliefs and questioning them and realizing if something can be so easy for someone else, there's no difference really between me and that person, except for the story that I've been telling myself. So why don't I tell myself a new story? And a key part of phase two that really, really changed my life was realizing that I had been in a fighting stance for my whole life. So you might resonate with this, but if you keep suiting up, putting on armor, going to battle with the world, the world is going to give you a battle to fight. If you're constantly, subconsciously standing in a fighting stance, looking for danger, looking for things wrong, looking for things to fight, the world is going to send you battles. And I need you to understand that. When you drop the fighting stance and you realize that it's not your responsibility to constantly be on the lookout to constantly be standing for, scanning for danger and threats, the world is going to reflect that back to you. And you're going to notice that you're divinely supported. You're going to feel that. You can't feel that right now because you've taken on the responsibility possibility of the Divine. You at some point learned that you need to be on your guard constantly. And you being subconsciously on your guard is draining you so much more than you realize. And it's attracting situations to you that reconfirm that you need to be on your guard. One of the most important parts of my whole awakening and transformation journey was fully surrendering and letting go of the need to be on the defense of the need to be fighting against the world. When I did that, and I was vulnerable enough to acknowledge the moments that made me feel like I had to fight against the world, to let go of those moments and to surrender into the fact that I'm divinely held and divinely supported. When I allowed myself to be that vulnerable, to just let it go and let myself be divinely held, I cannot tell you how much relief that brought me. I cannot tell you how different I felt in my life. And I cannot tell you how shocked I was at how much energy being in that fighting stance was taking away from me. Because the truth is, safety is an illusion. You guys like, this need to control everything in your world. This need to fight, fight constantly in your external world. It's born from a time when you didn't feel safe or numerous times when you felt you didn't have control or you didn't feel safe. But honestly, it's not making you any more, any less safe. Like constantly worrying, constantly looking out, it's really just draining your energy and it's not actually making you any more safe. Safety is an illusion. We're all here, we're all going to live and we're all going to die. Our souls are eternal. The Source God is eternal. And we are all safe in the hands of the divine and in the hands of God. And you need to start giving that responsibility back to the divine because it's going to set you free. Whatever happened in your past that made you feel like you had to take up that role, understand that the past is gone. It was a snapshot. It was a moment in time. It no longer exists unless you choose it. And it's not serving you anymore. Maybe it served you back then, maybe it helped you feel more in control to take up that fighting stance, but it's not serving you anymore. Because the more you fight, the more the world is going to give you battles to fight. It's safe for you to drop your weapons. It is safe for you to lay down your armor. It is safe for you to let go. And when you do, you're going to realize how much life force and energy you've been wasting on fighting. And when you get that energy back, you're gonna just open up to so much joy and beauty and flow that's been in front of you this whole time. You just couldn't see it because you were too busy fighting. And the world is gonna reflect it back to you. You're gonna feel divinely supported. You're going to realize you don't need to worry. And then you can put your energy on creating what you actually want. This is another thing people ask me, and there's a reason I haven't mentioned visualization yet, that comes at the end. People ask me, I can't visualize. I find it really difficult to visualize. Of course you find it difficult to visualize. If you think this, the world is a scary place, why would your feminine creative energy flow and imagine and picture something for you in a world that you're saying is unsafe? If you keep standing in a fighting stance, looking for problems, looking for danger, scanning your environment, always on guard, you're signaling to yourself that this is not a safe place to create or be or exist. So why the hell would you be dreaming and visualizing that doesn't add up. So the two go hand in hand. The more you can signal to yourself that the past is gone and you're divinely supported and it's not your role to keep being on your guard and you can let that go, the more your feminine energy is going to spring to life and you're actually going to want to create in this world. You're going to naturally visualize and start thinking of more possibilities. Because the thing about fear is fear and feeling unsettling, safe, and being on your guard is a very constricted, narrow focus. So when we look at the scale of consciousness, if you're down here in the survival paradigm, which is like fear, fear, guilt, shame, anger, Anger is actually up here a little bit. But the lower level emotions, you basically have blinders on. So all of this stuff exists like there's infinite possibilities for what can exist. Like there's a version of reality where everything is so easy for you, everything flows and you don't have to stress and you don't have to worry, but you can't see that version. You can't even see a possibility like that because your emotional state has you just so zoned in on one possibility. So when you do this inner work at level two and you start generating a feeling of genuine safety from within and you start start releasing your limiting beliefs that are making you think in this lower level. And you start releasing all the things that are making you feel shameful and guilty and fearful. Your vibration, your emotional state is naturally going to raise the more you let go of that stuff. And then your perception expands and you can naturally see more possibilities for yourself and for your life. So you see how people have a backwards. People are like, I want this thing, I want this thing, I want this thing. But they're trying to want something from a lower level emotional state. So they're infusing everything with fear and doubt and limitation when that's not the natural state of things. The universe is abundant. There is an abundance of opportunities for you. There is a whole supply of wealth, of opportunity, of love, of connection waiting for you. But you can't see it because you have a blindfold of fear on. So you have to go to the source and take that blindfold off. Allow yourself to come back into your energy, come home, face the things that you are not facing internally. Because if you don't face your emotions, you're signaling to yourself that your body's not a safe place. Face your emotions, go to your traumas, realize the past is not the future, and allow yourself to be present and to feel safe in the present moment. Right now, that blindfold is going to come off and then you're going to naturally be able to see more possibilities and genuinely be excited about them. You won't have to force anymore. Letting go is the antidote to forcing in your life. The more you can let go and just allow things to be as they are, the more you're going to just be able to actually just naturally flow towards what's meant for you. And you're going to feel aligned, you're going to feel abundant, you're going to see possibilities without needing to force it anymore. So surrender. Surrender to everything. Whether it's your relationship is bothering you, your life is just bothering you, your your own self is bothering you. Surrender to every single thing, everything you like, everything you don't like, everything outside of your control. Let it all go. Surrender to it all. Literally. There's a meditation that I used to do a long time ago and it starts in extended child's pose and you literally just go down and you put your head on the floor like some people do in prayer, and you surrender. You have to start surrendering the stuff that's not in your control. You have to start letting go because it's going to free you. It's going to set you so free, you have no idea. The thing is, when you resist things in your external world, you are asking for more of that thing with your energy. What you resist persists. So even if it's something you don't like because you're putting your energy and your attention into it, you're going to get more and more and more of it. This is why in phase two, it's really important to monitor what are you watching, what are you complaining about? What are you talking about? So actually I didn't mention this a minute ago, but a really important part of phase two is your inputs. So you've got meditation, journaling, getting to know yourself, meditation, coming back home to your energy, journaling, getting to know yourself, overcoming your limiting beliefs, processing your emotions, and also switching out your inputs. So the stuff that you're consuming, in content, in conversations, in news, in everything, change it from stuff that's intoxicating you with just noise and that you don't want, switch it out for stuff that's going to nourish you. It's so important that you do that at this phase. Your mind is a garden, your subconscious is a garden. And if you're putting weeds in there, seeds of weeds, there's weeds that are going to grow. If you're putting seeds of flowers in there, flowers are going to grow. Literally. You need, need to start treating yourself right. I actually have a metaphor for this. Oh my God, how exciting. I get to use this metaphor. I was wondering when I'd get to use it. I recently started garden gardening and I bought geraniums and my granny was like, you need to cull these every day. As in like cut bits of them off. So I went out to cull them for the first time yesterday. I'm a new, I'm new to gardening so I was probably doing it wrong, but I literally cut a bit of it off and, and I thought, oh God, I feel so bad, like just cutting this part of the plant off. But then I thought no, my granny said that these are really like durable plants and this is going to grow back and it's important that I cut the dying piece off cuz it'll regrow. And then I thought, well, so long as I make sure it's in the right soil, so long as I make sure it has water and sunlight, I could cut the whole plant off and it would re re regrow. And then my brain went. It's the same for you literally. No matter what's happened to you, no matter who has cut what part of you off, no matter what part of you has been wounded. Human beings are so adaptable. We can bounce back from anything. The human spirit is so powerful and just like a plant. So long as you're in the right environment, so long as you're feeding yourself, so long as you go where your light is reflected, so long as you go where you're being watered and nurtured, you can regrow, you can bloom and flourish and bounce back from anything. But you have to make sure you're getting the right inputs. So this is why level one was the physical body. Level two, you need to make sure your mental and emotional bodies are being nurtured. What are you watching? What are you consuming with your eyes, with your, with your content. And take the time to genuinely curate your Instagram. Like, delete the apps if you want to, but really cultivate a really, really powerful and supportive environment. It's going to change your whole life. It's going to support you so much. So wherever you keep putting your energy and your attention, first of all, realize you've got a limited amount of attention. So it's like my kombucha here. Let's just say this was my attention for the whole day, this bottle. And I spent half the day complaining, half the day on social media, half the day talking about what I don't want or don't prefer or don't really care about. These aren't half, but you know what I'm saying. And the rest of the day then I want to start maybe thinking about, well, what do I want? But I've only got this much energy left. You have a certain amount of energy every single day. Now, this can fluctuate a little bit. Some things are energy drainers and some things are energy givers. You need to become so aware of where you're spending this energy every day. Realize it's like a meter, it's running out. And every complaint that you make, every time you engage in gossip, in talking about what you don't want, in scrolling, in feeding into things that you don't prefer, you need to realize the cost of that is this. It's your life force. It's draining your life force energy. You need, need this. It is the most valuable precious asset in the world. Companies profit billions and billions of dollars off of our consciousness and our attention through what we're scrolling constantly here. It is the most valuable resource in the world. When you're spending it constantly on things that aren't important to, to you, you're actually signaling to yourself that it's not valuable. And then you don't feel valuable, but you're also running out of it. So you don't have any left to place on what's important, important to you. That's why you're so tired. That's why you're so drained. And then the other part of that is, whatever you place this on this energy, this attention, this life force, it creates more of that for you. That is manifestation. Law of attraction 101. So stop talking about what you don't prefer. Stop focusing on what you don't prefer. Honestly, I've done this time and time again. I'll get into a spiral where I'll start thinking about all things I don't like, or I'll start getting really frustrated with certain things in my life and I'll catch myself and I'll realize, hey, this narrative is everything you don't prefer. And what's happening is you're getting more and more in this and it's getting worse and worse. So let's stop it right now. This is the thing. You're so powerful you have no idea. This is going to make you realize how powerful you are. Notice when you're going down a spiral that you don't prefer. Get in your notes app in your phone or get an advantage journal and write down what you do prefer from that situation. Read that again and again and again and feel it in your body. Say, oh my God, the situation changed. Now this is happening now. My boyfriend is calling me beautiful five times a day now. He is obsessed with me now I don't even know if I want him anymore. Whatever, Whatever. But get in the habit of interrupting your own negative spirals and your own habit of focusing on what you don't prefer and interrupt it. Rewrite it into what you do prefer, reaffirm it and feel it in your body and watch how the situation literally starts to change. When you take your focus of what you don't prefer, what you don't prefer falls away. It ceases to exist. So you've got the power to do that. And the other thing is remind me not to drink kombucha before recording a video because I literally can't stop. Perfect. The other thing is. What was the other thing? I literally burped so loud just then that I can't remember what the other thing is. The other thing is, whatever you're trying to force in the external world, that's a waste of time. All you have to do is embody. All you have to do is embody. What a relief. So there's a book I'm reading at the moment. It's Parallel Realities of Self by Frederick Dodson. But I mean, all the self help, all the spiritual, all the manifestations, principles, even the religious texts, they all allude to this as within. So without so what you're trying to force and change in the external world. If you're looking for someone to respect you, you must ask yourself, am I respecting myself? Am I feeling deserving of respect? Internally, have I set that standard for myself? Rather than trying to force someone else to bend to your will, rather than trying to force. Force the world to change and fit your requirements, are you fitting your own requirements? There's a quote that I wrote, and this is the perfect example of this. When I was in a very low low, it was after my first breakup, and my God, you guys, I was devastated. I was so heartbroken. So it was my first love, obviously. I thought we were going to get married. I'd never experienced love before. I also have abandonment trauma and father issues. So the fact that a man loved me, it was really intense for me. And when he left, oh, my God. And it was quite a bad breakup. I was crushed. Like, I thought I was going to literally die. And for a few weeks, I was so anxious. I was so low. I was so low. And I think I was 21 at the time. And I woke up one morning, I was just fed up of feeling like shit. I was fed up of being miserable and wasting my life over this person who literally didn't give a about me. I was lucky at the time. I had anger. Like, he moved on so fast and he changed his profile picture on Facebook to like him and the girl he moved on with. And he wasn't. He was an in the end, which actually helped me move on a little bit faster. I always say it's almost easier when someone is a. This is also an abandonment trauma I had. Let's. We're going to do another video about that. But anyway, I woke up one morning and I was like, you know what? I am done just wasting my energy being sad over this guy who's already moved on. I'm not going to keep wasting my life. And I realized something. I don't know where this quote came from, but, like, I. Every day was waking up when I was in this bad period, complaining about everything. And I was in college at the time in Ireland, so I couldn't move. I couldn't really change my situation. I couldn't move out. And I remember I was so, so angry with my whole situation every single day, single day. And the world was reflecting that back to me. The world was sending me things to be angry and upset with because I was presenting that energy to the world. And I realized it was me who was causing all of this chaos and all of this bad stuff around me. I was perceiving so much bad because I felt so bad. So I wrote on my whiteboard in my bedroom. I woke up and I wrote, when you can't find the sunshine, be the sunshine. You have to lead the dance here. Whatever you're trying to force into the external world, you have to become that energy before the external world can reflect that back to you. The world is literally a mirror. So whatever you embody, you will get. And I literally was so heartbroken and so fed up that I just thought, why don't I just try to be a positive force? Why don't I just try to be delusional and to expect miracles and to expect best case scenario to come from this and just see what happens? Because the other way is not working for me. So I decided and I said, I'm gonna be a force of good. I'm gonna be positive. And I went out into the world. I went to my course, I saw my friends, I went to my job, I was working in a pub. And guess what? The world, when I started smiling at it, it started smiling back at me. Things started to change so, so fast. And this is what happens when you stop resisting and trying to force the world around you and you instead change yourself. The whole world then can change. So that is the source. It's you. You and your reality are not separate. So now we're going to get a little bit esoteric. You are your. Your reality. The two are not separate. Everything you're experiencing outside you is simply your perception which is being created by your embodiment. So you are the source. You are the beginning. You are the end. And if you want the outside to change, the inside must change. You have to lead this dance. You, when you shift, when you completely say, okay, it may be the case that this is still like this outside. It may be the case that this circumstances are constant. Coming up. But I've decided that I am no longer the same, no matter what. It is literally a matter of time before the world can reflect that back to you. It will reflect that back to you. All you have to do is stay strong in your new embodiment. And the world has to show that to you sooner or later. It has to. Okay, Phase three is to start following your desires and start creating a life based on your intuition and your desires. So the word creating is really key here, you guys. Phase three. We are creators. You are gonna like this has happened to me before. I've made it through phase one and I've made it through phase two, but I didn't get into phase three properly and I didn't start really creating with alignment with my heart's desires. So I would kind of default back down a Few, like a few levels. And then I would come back up, but I never tapped into phase three. And phase three, creating is where you really come into alignment. So whatever intuitions, whatever desires you have for your life, I need you to know that that is a spillover from a parallel version of you who's already living. That time is non linear. Everything exists all at once, literally like segments on top of each other, like this. Different dimensions in the Matrix. So I want you to think right now of a past version of you. And I want you to think of how grateful you are for that version for getting through something. And how this version of you was existing that whole time, guiding that version of you through. Like I can think back on the time a few years ago when I was in the trenches, I was so low, but I could feel a presence. I could feel a version of me sending me this intuition, sending me these desires, telling me to keep going. There was something in me that was like, keep going, keep going. I know it's, but keep going. And now I know that it was me. Now this version of me right now because I have such a resonance with that past version of me. Like I can literally feel her. I have so much, so much love and respect for her for getting through that grind. But it was me standing here in this dream life that was pulling me through that trench on nothing but delusion and intuition and a feeling. So your feelings are not random. There's a version of you on a parallel reality who's already experiencing that thing that you desire right now. That's how the feeling of desire. Desire can exist for you in your body. It is a compass, it's an action signal, it is a spillover. That's why resonance is created in your body in the form of a desire. You would not be able to desire something, you would not be able to think about something or visualize something unless there was a version of you already experiencing it. And unless it was highly likely, not only possible, but highly probable that you are going to experience it in this lifetime. That's the reason desire is there. So you need to get into the habit of treating your desire as permission to go for something. Not waiting for someone else's opinion, not getting all the evidence first, not getting another qualification. Your desire is the permission to go for that thing in your life. And no matter what kind of desire it is, is. So I talk to people a lot and they have like they're trying to figure out what their intuition is for their career or what they're like soul aligned job or work or whatever their project is. And they're like, I don't know what it is, I don't know what it is. First of all, you have to let it go. It's not something you're going to force. It's something that's going to come from within. The more you let go and you just align with your authentic self and you heal the stuff that's blocking you from being authentic and being present and safe in your body. Okay, so that's first of all. Second of all, ask yourself what you do have intuition for right now. So it could be visiting a certain country that is such a common one. Don't worry about the desires that you don't have or the intuition that you don't have yet. Worry about following the ones that you do have. Because what happens is when you follow that, first of all, you're signaling to your feminine energy, which is the one that creates the these desires, these visions, this imagination, this play, this intuition. You're signaling to that energy within you. Okay, I hear you and I trust you enough to actually follow you when you do that. She is going to spring to life. She's going to give you 10 business ideas. She's going to tell you the name of 10 people to cut off, five people to connect with. She's literally going to tell you what time to book the flight that feels best or what time to head to the airport that feels best, what food to eat that feels best. I can't even explain to you guys. Life with your intuition on is on a whole other level. That's your inner compass. Living in alignment with that, with your soul, with your body is going to change the entire game for you. Like literally. It's just going to feel so good to be alive. And I know what it's like to feel terrible, terrible to be alive. I'm telling you, this is available to every single one of us. All of us have this energy within us. And if you go through the levels like I just explained, you will get there. I promise you. You will. So, yeah, basically, when you nurture your intuition in the ways that you can with the desires that you already have, it's going to get louder and louder and it's going to guide you in every little thing and every big thing in your life and your life is going to dramatically change and it's going to feel so aligned. The work that you do is not going to be work. It's going to feel like flow. The people you meet. It's going to be like Miracles like how do we even cross path? The things that happen are not going to make sense. So whatever intuition you have, whether it be to go to a certain country or to take up a certain class, follow that. Because, yes, first of all, what happens is your intuition, your feminine energy gets louder and stronger because she feels like she can trust you to actually take action and look after her when she gives you an idea and gives you an intuition. Second of all, you will find that when you follow it, you're going to discover something, usually in a way that you will not expect. So I will give you an example of this. I kind of knew that I wanted to do something to do with like coaching or mindset, but I didn't know exactly, but I was like, I kept putting it off. I had all these limiting beliefs. I did have an intuition, however, to move, move to Spain, to this place in southern Spain. So I ignored that for years, of course, and then eventually I did enough inner work that I could finally admit this is what I wanted. And I ended up moving on my own. The. The apartment. The way that I found the apartment was such a fluke. And the first day that I got here, when I finally took that leap of faith and followed that intuition, within 20 minutes, I met my literal soulmate. I. I had not even arrived at my apartment yet. And I had met my now boyfriend, my literal most soul aligned relationship, within 20 minutes of arriving here. Insane. The other thing was, when I got here, my soul resonated with this place on a way that I cannot explain. I've never had it before with anywhere. And I had like a full body resonance. I had like another kind of awakening. And the energy of this place enabled me to overcome the parts of myself that were standing in the way of my alignment in my career and aligning with what I really wanted to do in my life and my life's work. So if you have an intuition for anything, whether it be to go to a certain place or do a certain thing, there's something for you there. It's going to unlock something within you that needs to be unlocked so that you can discover something about yourself to bring yourself into alignment. Just trust me when I say that. So follow whatever desires you have and make it a priority to create based on your desires, regardless of what anyone else says. Because honestly, honey, if you've ended up in a slump, in a rut, in a life that you hate, it's because you've been living a life on everyone else's terms but your own. And when you do that it's impossible for you to see your power and see see your value. It's like you've come so far out of alignment. This is your most aligned timeline is one of these over here. You're all the way over here living according to everyone else's terms. Any wonder you can't see your value? You can't see your worth. You're not standing where your light is being reflected because you're living a lie. You need to start having the delusion, the audacity, the confidence in yourself and that trust in yourself and your inner voice to just start following what you want. Want. Your relationship with yourself is the most important relationship you will ever, ever have. And you need to show that you have that trust in yourself, that you're going to nurture your own desires. That's when you're going to start to see your true value reflected externally. That's when you're going to really feel your value. Because you're no longer standing in a place where your light is not reflected. It's like there's a picture on social media, it's some post that goes up, what? There's a picture on social media of a Lamborghini in, like, this messed up garage and there's dust all over it. And it's like, you could be so valuable. But if you're standing in a place where your light is not reflected, you are worthless. Stop standing where your life's not reflected. Stop making decisions according to people's terms who do not understand you and your inherent qualities and your inherent intuition and your inherent strengths and your inherent value. There was some video I saw a long time ago that talked about, I don't even know if you're a lion, but you're in a school for monkeys and they're getting all the monkeys to climb a tree, but you're a fcking lion. And you're sitting there on the ground looking at everyone with the tree. You're just gonna sit there and think, I'm not good enough? It's not that you're not good enough. You're just not a fcking monkey. You're a lion. So this is what I mean. You need to start crafting your life on your own intuition. And everything I share with you today is to get you back into a state where you're in your body. You're letting go of everything that's blocking that intuition so that you can actually make decisions based on your own feelings and your own desires, because that's where you're going to Realize that you are a lion, that you're powerful, that it's not that you were never good enough. You were just in the wrong place. It just wasn't really being reflected back to you because you were trying to live a life according to everyone else. And they're not like you. And that's fine. You're like you. And you need to own that. You need to own who you are authentically. Own up to the places that you're being a fraud. Own up to the ways that you're portraying your authentic self. And own yourself. Own your weirdness, own your differences, own your quirks. Build your life around that. And you will never hit that low point point again. I promise you. You won't. Okay, that's all for this video, guys. I hope it helped. Please remember, your life can literally change at any moment. Every moment is a new moment. Go into tomorrow and decide that things are going to be different. Set your intentions differently. Stop looking for the negative. Stop looking for battles to fight, because they will be sent to you. Realize you are creating everything. You are so powerful. You are the source. You are part of God. You are divine. You are valuable. You are enough. You just have to tune back into your energy. Let go of all the. All the noise, all the lies, all the distractions, and realize how valuable you are. If I can do this, guys, if I can overcome all of that darkness and all the shit that I used to be so attached to, my addiction to stress, my addiction to negative thinking, my addiction to my suffering, then you can do it, too. I am not special. And I literally thought I was going to be like that forever. It doesn't have to be the way that it's always been. I promise you. You can change your whole life. You're still alive. You're still breathing. You have a chance to start again in every single moment. Every single day is a new fucking day. And you can try it again. There's people who today who are taking their last breaths. There are people who are in hospital begging for the opportunity to just try again, knowing their days are about to end. You have a chance to try again. And because you are a human being with a spirit and a soul, you can rewrite your whole story. If I can do it, I'm literally a human being just like you. You can do it, too. People have done the most miraculous things. People have overcome the worst things and have made amazing, miraculous things happen in their lives. You have all the power. You have every resource that you need to do it. You have to stop giving those resources away. If you do what I told you to do in this video, I promise you, you will get your power back. You need to remember, you've got everything you need. You've got everything you need to start again. You just have to decide. Decide. You have to decide to let go of the story of the past. You have to decide to see your worth, to see your power. To value yourself, to cherish yourself, to heal your inner child. Reparent yourself. Nurture your desires, nurture your relationship with yourself. Stop basing your decisions on everyone else's opinions, because that is draining you of your power. That is how you realize how powerful you are. That is how you rewrite your story. Make the decision that this is the turning point, and I promise you, your whole life will change.
