Can you hold onto the stairmaster?

9 Jun 2024 · 1 min

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0:51

In this short, profanity‑laden monologue, Eric Roberts humorously debunks the gym‑culture myth that holding the railings on a StairMaster is “bad” for progress. He first exaggerates the absurdity of the idea, suggesting the rails exist only for holding clothes, sliding, or tipping the machine over, then clarifies that it’s perfectly fine to use the rails for balance, fatigue, or safety. He concludes with a defiant message to dismiss anyone who criticizes rail usage, encouraging listeners to ignore such “douchebags.” The piece mixes sarcasm, profanity, and supportive reassurance, aiming to both entertain and normalize using equipment aids during workouts.

Chapters

If you're holding on to the rails when you do the StairMaster, you're never going to see any progress, and here's why. They didn't put these rails here so you can hold on to them, because that would make way too much sense. No, you see, the rails are here to hold your fucking clothes, or they're here to use as a slide for when you get done, or they're here so you can actually try to tip this fucking thing over because you hate doing it so much. Clearly all those things make much more sense than just, you know, holding on to the rails. Right? And I hope you know that I'm kidding. Of course it's okay to hold on to the railings. Why else would they be here? If you need to hold on for balance or just because it gets difficult or you're tired, that is completely okay and you're not going to ruin all of your progress. So the next time some douchebag or douchebaguette tries to tell you you can't hold on— Tell those people to fuck off.