How to stop self sabotaging yourself I Why do I self sabotage my weight loss

YouTube, what is going on? Welcome back to the channel. Welcome to the video. In this video, we're going to be talking about how to stop self-sabotaging yourself. This is something I get asked on a daily basis, multiple times a day, and it's something that can be incredibly frustrating. It can, it can, you know, make you question if you can actually do this. It can make you question who you are and what you do, and it can It's really tough. It is really, really tough. In this video, I'm gonna do the best job I possibly can to help you out in your current situation and what's going on and just give you some things to think about, give you some tips, give you some pointers, give you some of my thoughts. I truly hope it does help because I understand and know how tough this can really be. I would say 2 things before I get into any of this right here. Number one, There is nothing wrong with going to see a therapist. I can't speak enough about how big of a fan I am from seeing a therapist and speaking with a mental health expert of any kind, because again, this is something that's going on up here. We both know. And again, we're going to use the context of weight loss in this video, but this could be self-sabotaging anything. Could be your relationship, it could be your business, it could be your school, it could be literally anything. But we'll use weight loss in this context just because it's a— we're a fitness channel. But just literally speaking with somebody and getting through those things inside of your head, it can be a massive help, man. So I would say number 1, please feel free to speak with a physical therapist, with a therapist or a mental health expert. I think that can make the world of difference. Number 2, a lot of what I'm going to talk about here today is I've gotten from a book called The Big Leap, and it's by, I believe his name is Gay Hendricks. I'll put a picture here of The Big Leap, and you can see the front cover. It has a fish on it jumping out of a bowl, I think. Very, very good book. If you are somebody who struggles with self-sabotaging, I would pause this video, go to Amazon, order that book, come back to this video. Seriously, I think it's that important. Please get that book, or at the very least, get it after you've are done watching this video. I think it's such a beneficial book for somebody if you are struggling with some sort of self-sabotaging going on. All right? So that's my 2 little notes, then we're gonna get into it. So number 1, when it comes to self-sabotaging, and again, this is talking about like, you know, let's just say again, we'll use the weight loss context for example. Let's say you're trying to lose 20 pounds and every time you lose 15 pounds something happens where you quote unquote fuck up and you go off your diet and you don't diet for a month and you don't work out for a month and you gain all the 15 pounds back. So you never really lose the 20 pounds. And that happens over and over and over and over again. It happens every single time you lose roughly 15 pounds. I know some people, they're like, man, you know, I lose the same 5 or 10 pounds over and over and I can never get past that. That is a scenario right there where it's like, it sounds like you're self-sabotaging or like, you know, every time you do good during the week, the weekend rolls around and like You know, you're self-sabotaging yourself, right? So all of these things, like, if that's kind of what's going on, listen, there may be other things in place. Like, just, you know, what came to my head really quickly was like the weekend, for example. Well, yeah, like, if you're like eating nothing throughout the week and only eating clean foods and doing all this stuff, like, yeah, like, you're probably going to self-sabotage yourself on the weekends because you've restricted yourself way too much for the week, right? But, you know, if it's like happening consistently month after month, year after year, right? Which I know when it comes to self-sabotage, like, people struggle with this for a long period of time. If there's a recurring theme, then that's where we kind of look at this thing called the upper limit. And the upper limit essentially is this, almost like this ceiling that you put on yourself, kind of either consciously or subconsciously, where it's like, all right, well, once I get here, this is all I can do. Once I lose 5 or 10 pounds, this is all I can do. Or once I lose 15 pounds, I'll never actually get to 20 pounds, or whatever the upper limit might be. Again, this could go for Literally anything in life, could go for fitness, could go for business, could go for relationships, could go for literally anything, but there's this upper limit that you place on yourself where like every time you get close to that upper limit, you go back down. You get close, you go back down. And so you have to be aware that number one, that upper limit is going on, right? So that leads right into number 2. These things are kind of intertwined. You have to realize there's an upper limit and you have to recognize That upper limit. And listen, the reason that you're setting an upper limit for yourself could be, I mean, one of a million reasons. Oh, which by the way, it's a great thing to, at the very least, number one, do some journaling. And I'm a big fan of journaling. Or like I said earlier, speak with a therapist and they can, you know, you and them both can kind of unpack things and get kind of, you know, to the root cause of issues. But it's like, I've had clients in the past say, you know, let's just use the example of getting under 200 pounds, right? I've had clients in the past where they're like, hey, if I get under 200 pounds, like, you know, that would mean that I'm no longer— I'm— whatever reason, I'm no longer fat, or people actually might like me, or I'm not just the fat funny person anymore, or, you know, the guys or girls might actually like me. And like, it's just like this upper limit, right? There's this upper limit that you were creating on yourself. Or, you know, I've had clients in the past where You know, not the best scenario, but like their parents, you know, kind of molded them in a sense of like, oh, you're not this, you're not that. Like, you're not that pretty girl, you're not that in-shape guy, you're this person, you're that. And like through childhood, you have developed this upper limit of yourself where it's like you don't really think that you can go above that. You don't think you're more than that. You don't think you're worthy of that. You don't think— that upper limit is what's pushing you down every time you get close to it. It's pushing you down. Again, The Big Leap, the book I referred to earlier, talks about this in depth. Again, I would really try to encourage you to read that book, but that's kind of what was happening. Like I said, this could be so many reasons. This could be when it comes to losing 20 pounds, like every time you get to 15 pounds you go off track. Again, that could be because your diet is too restrictive. That could be for a different reason, of course. Let's just say for the sake of this video, it's self-sabotaging. Every time you lose that 15 pounds, you're like, I don't believe I can actually do this. No way, this isn't real. No, no, no, no, no. Like, there's something going on where you're reaching this point and it just pushes you back down. So I think number one, realize it and recognize it. And when I mean recognize it, I mean like, this is where you have to kind of do some work to like notice what's going on and notice your habits. Like, again, for example, If you know every 4 weeks, right, after the 4th week of a workout program, you're just like, something happens. You start falling off or you're not consistent or you're sleeping in and not getting up early for workouts. And you notice the first 4 weeks are good, right? And again, this could be going back to like motivation, right? Like you're super motivated for 3 or 4 weeks, then you're not and stuff like that happens. So take all this with a grain of salt here. But again, the point of this video is talking about self-sabotage. And again, just really quickly on that, motivation's not gonna last. Action is what creates results and results create motivation. So you have to make sure you continue taking action. But back to the point of this video, if you realize that, let's just say every 4 weeks you start to self-sabotage yourself on your workouts, when that 4th week comes up, let's fucking go. And what I mean by that is you make yourself hyper-aware of it, right? Again, let's say for example, and again, this is 2 is kind of bleeding into 3. These things kinda bleed into each other if you haven't seen, right? But you're recognizing it, right? Every 4 weeks I go off track with my workouts. Every, you know, every 5 or 10 pounds I always seem to quote unquote mess it up and go off track and not track my calories and not do whatever. Cool. Every, you know, every 15 pounds I lose, I always end up gaining it back, right? Or whatever the pattern is, right? But that's the whole point. You have to recognize the pattern that is going on, no matter what that pattern is. You have to recognize that pattern of what's going on. And I will also say, you know, you kind of got to recognize like, why are you setting this upper limit for yourself? And again, this is where I think therapy or some kind of journaling or just, you know, getting your thoughts out can be huge. But like, why are you setting this upper limit? Do you think you're not good enough? Do you think that you're, you know, you're always going to be overweight and it's never going to happen for you, so why even try? Do you think that, you know, You'll never be that person who's in shape. Why are you— what's going on? Recognize the patterns and then also recognize why are you putting this upper limit on yourself. Why do you think that every time you start to lose weight it backfires? Why do you think every time you start to get into a workout routine it backfires? Are you that person who's like, oh man, well, after 4 weeks I haven't seen progress and I'll never be that person who looks really, really good, so why even keep trying? That's your form of self-sabotaging. Recognize these things. This doesn't happen overnight. You might have a light bulb moment, but you might not. You might have to work through some things to get to where you want to be, but you recognize why you're self-sabotaging, you recognize what's going on, and recognize the habits, which then goes into the third point, which is you make a plan. Again, if you know every 4 weeks you are going to fall off your workouts, for example, That 4th and 5th week, you better be like absolutely just on edge. Like, all right, I'm staying on it this week. I know this happens every single time. I'm on it. I'm going to make a plan. I'm going to make sure I go to bed early to make sure I can get up early to make sure I get my workouts in. I'm gonna get my workouts in before the day even starts so nothing can derail me. Like, you better be on your shit, for lack of better terms. You better make a solid, concrete plan to make sure you can execute when that time period comes up. If it's, you know, you lose 5 or 10 pounds and you just kind of go back to your ways, well, you know, when you've lost 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 pounds, like you better be hyper-aware and hyper-diligent of what's going on, of your actions, of the habits you're taking. Because oftentimes when it comes to self-sabotage, people don't realize they're doing it until it's done. You know what I mean? People like, you don't realize you've self-sabotaged until it's happened. You're like, oh fuck, I gained the weight back again. Or it's been 3 weeks and I haven't worked out. Like, that's when you realise it. But what you have to understand is the 3 weeks before that, right? So let's say you haven't worked out for 3 weeks and you self-sabotage yourself again. The 3 weeks before that, there were things that were leading up to that happening again. There's always things that lead up to it. I refer to this sometimes like when people have struggle overeating at night, it's normally not because of what they're doing at night, it's normally because of what they're doing during the day. What we call it is like you have to break that chain of events. Let's say for example somebody is struggling to overeat at night and they are not eating breakfast, which makes them really hungry throughout the day. When they get home they have very high hunger and that's when they binge. If you insert breakfast here, you break that chain from the beginning. You break that chain and now you have food throughout the day. You are not as hungry when you get home. You can control your portion sizes more. It all flows better because you broke the chain up top. Kind of the same scenario here. Before, like, it's you don't wait until after you've self-sabotaged to fix quote unquote fix it. Like there's things that you do that lead up to it again. Let's just say for example, like you start you know oh I'm not going to work out today because I'm too tired or I'm not going to work out today because you know the kids have this or oh it's okay I'll just skip one thing or oh you know I'm going to start scheduling more events on the weekends when I normally work out on the weekends or whatever. Whatever your thing is, if you recognize it and make a plan for it, you make yourself hyper-aware of it so you say, oh shit, no, no, wait, wait, this is when— these are the habits I normally start to do when I'm going down that path of self-sabotage. So it's almost like cool, you can almost like see ahead of time. You're like, oh fuck, shit, like no, no, no, I gotta make sure I stay on track. Like no, no, I'm not doing that. I gotta make sure I stick to my workouts. I gotta make sure I stick to my diet this weekend. Whatever it is for you, you start to see it before it happens. And then when you start to again break those chain of events, well then the result that you get later on is going to be different. It's not this now waiting until you've self-sabotaged and feeling guilty and all this kind of stuff. You've now reviewed what's going on, you recognized it, you reviewed it, you made a plan for it. So now when it happens, you will be aware and prepared. And one of the biggest things when it comes to like creating change in your life is awareness. Awareness creates change. And so when it comes to changing your life and changing your habits and changing this kind of upper limit type deal, the more hyper-aware of it you are, the better, especially in a situation like this where it's like you're self-sabotaging. If you're like, you know, it's almost like I kind of think of it as like that, those glasses that kind of like make your eyes look really big and you're like going like this, like scanning all over the place. If you're doing that, man, like you have such a better chance at actually changing because now like You're not waiting until after the fact. You're being proactive rather than reactive, if that makes sense. And so, making a plan. If you know every 4 weeks you're off, you know, you're going off your workouts, like, make a plan for no matter what, you wake up at 5 AM and you get your workouts done. So, that way, no matter what happens, you've gotten your workouts done and you're good to go. And the rest of the day, no matter what happens the rest of the day, it's already done. They're already taken care of. Don't worry about it. Or, just in general, if you know that you tend to skip workouts at night, move your workouts to the In the morning or something like that, right? If you know, you know, every time you lose 5 or 10 pounds, like something happens on the weekends or whatever the case may be, like, all right, well, you better make a plan for the weekends every single weekend going into it to be hyper-aware of exactly what you're doing. Where am I eating? What's going on? What's my guidelines? What's my plan? Which, by the way, if you want some help with the weekends and dieting, I have an entire video on that as well. But you better make a plan for that, right? Like you have this plan in place now so you can break these chain of events and then the outcome you then get is going to be different. Those are the 3 biggest things thus far when it comes to how to stop self-sabotaging. Number 4 is going to be something that I think is really important as well, which is like you got to stop beating yourself up for it. You being an asshole to yourself, you would never talk to your best friend the same way you speak to yourself, and you know it for a damn fact too. Think about if your best friend came to you and was like, man, Cheryl, again? I fucking fell off my diet, or whatever the case may be. You'd be like, dude, man, Susie, it's all good. Like, get back on track. You got this. But to yourself, you're like, loser, failure, never gonna do this, never gonna accomplish this, you suck, all of these things. Imagine if you said that to your friend. They'd be like, wow, you're a fucking bitch today, Cheryl. Like, thanks a lot. Thanks for nothing. Let me go talk to somebody else, why don't I? Like, you would never say that to anybody else, but for some reason, you're saying it to yourself. A few things here. Number 1, you're not going to be perfect. You're not. You're not going to be perfect. Things are going— even now that you're aware of it and all this stuff, sometimes it's still going to happen because guess what? You're not perfect. I'm not perfect. Nobody is perfect. You have to understand that, number 1, and understand that it's not about being perfect. This is not about being perfect. This is about being consistent. Consistent is not perfect. Perfection breeds inconsistency. Consistency breeds results. Therefore, perfection breeds inconsistency. Perfection breeds no results. Consistency breeds results. So you have to be consistent, not perfect. And again, piggybacking on top of that, stop beating yourself up for not being perfect. Like, dude, you have to stop being an asshole to yourself because you're not perfect. Nobody is ever going to be perfect. There are going to be things that come up in life that force you not to be quote unquote perfect. I would actually argue though, being perfect is actually just being consistent and just like making the best of the situation you possibly can, rolling on and moving on with it. That's kind of number 2. And then number 3, piggyback right on top of that, use each situation as an opportunity to learn. I think this is one of, if not the most important things with this, is like so many people use this and they're like, I'm a failure, I suck. They're super guilty, they feel bad, they feel like they're never gonna accomplish this. And they use it as kind of like this, this thing sucked, let me move on. And like, that's all. They beat themselves up, they think they're a failure, this was terrible, and just move on. It's like, dude, like, you don't understand. Going back and looking at that from an objective, honest, non-emotional standpoint, we talked over here about like noticing what happens before you self-sabotage, right? So if you can use these scenarios where you quote unquote fuck up, which The only way you fuck up is if you quit altogether. But if you use these scenarios where you go off track or whatever you want to call it, and you go back and say, all right, shit, what happened? Right? What happened right there? All right, cool. This happened, whatever. I can accept it. Move on. I didn't fuck up. I'm not a failure, but what happened right there? Oh shit. I saw like, you know, around that third or fourth week, I was kind of getting lax with my workouts and I was kind of making, you know, I was kind of making excuses and I was kind of saying I was doing this and that and like, okay, shit, shit. All right, all right. Next time that rolls around, Well, guess what? You've now looked back, you've reflected, and you've learned from it. That's the most important thing, man. You're not going to be perfect, but every single situation is an opportunity to learn from that situation moving forward, to put yourself in a better position to then recognize what's going on, make a plan for it, and break that chain in order to get you to where you want to be. So please stop looking at it as this thing where you fucked up or you're a failure. Absolutely not. You take it from a non-emotional, objective standpoint. Learn. Think about what happened. Oh shit, on the weekends I didn't have a plan. I was kind of just going whatever, you know. I was— I didn't eat all day and I was super hungry at night. And then, you know, I was just drinking and all this stuff happened. Learn from it. You learn. So the next time you go, you have more knowledge to make a better plan and do all these things and break that chain of events. All right. So those are the 4 main things when it comes to how to stop self-sabotaging yourself. And one final note, which I didn't even mention, but hopefully you saw 'cause it was in a different color. One final note, and again, the book talks about this, but one final note I wanna leave you with is you are worth it. And what I mean by that is, like, again, consciously or subconsciously, we sometimes put this upper limit on ourselves 'cause we think we're not worth it. Like, you don't think you're worth losing 50 pounds. You don't think you're worth, you know, getting healthier. You don't think you're worth— Being happy. You don't think you're worth sticking to a diet. You don't think you're worth it. And again, subconsciously or consciously, because sometimes you hear that and you're like, no, no, I think I am, but like subconsciously you're like, nope, you're not worth it. Like, you're never gonna do it. It's never gonna happen for you. Why are you even trying? You're always the fat person, all this kind of stuff. I'm just here to tell you, you are absolutely worth it. You absolutely can do this. You will do this, and it all starts with right this very second. I'm really hoping this video right here was literally that catapult that changes your trajectory. Again, it's not going to happen overnight, but it started to turn those wheels and change the trajectory of your journey, because I promise you with all of my heart, you are in fact worth it, and you can in fact do this, and you will in fact do this. All right, hope this video helped. If it did, please feel free to let me know below. I'm actually very curious to hear how you feel about video. So please let me know below. I love to read the comments. And again, if you need any help, I'm always here for you. Feel free to reach out. Um, any questions, any concerns, let me know, and we will chat soon. Okay.