Achieve Peak Performance and Reach Your Full Potential - Dr Stan Beecham

It's not about being happy. It's about being fully alive and functioning at a high level. I think we're happy when we get what we want. You know, if things are going my way, I'm happy. And things aren't going my way, I'm not. I think what sits beneath that is a sense of peace or contentment.

On the show today, Dr. Stan Beacham and yeah, welcome to the show.

Thanks, Eric. It's good to be here with you.

And, and I just wanna like this Elite Minds. You wrote this, what, a few years back, right? Yeah, 2017, thereabouts.

Yeah, I did a first edition in 13 and then I think it was maybe 15. McGraw Hill picked it up.

Right.

So I, I redid it and I added a couple of chapters. So I, I call it a second edition, but I don't think it, you know, it's technically a second issue, but it, but it is, it is for me.

So this, this book gripped me right away. This is probably.

One of the best books I've ever read in my life. And you know, just from the tagline, you know, how winners think differently to create a competitive edge and maximize success. And I even love, you know, on the back it says, retrain your brain to think like a winner. Conquer your fears and go after your goals. Achieve peak performance and reach your full potential. Become who you want to be mentally, physically, personally and professionally. After I read all that, I thought, well, what else is there? You know, that's pretty much like all the things that I want to do. So, and from start to finish, I mean, this, I have so many like notes in this book, you know, underlines and exclamation points. Absolutely loved it. So I think.

Thank you.

I think this book will form a good basis for our chat today. And, and before we dive into it though, I'd love to, love to just hear a little bit about you, your story. How did you end up so focused on wanting to unlock people, help them level up and maybe get into that 2% club?

Yeah. So, Eric, I got a doctorate degree in clinical psychology. And by the time I had finished the four year program, I realized I didn't want to do clinical work. I had worked in, you know, clinical hospital settings and I just didn't feel like that was a good fit for me. There's a certain level of patience and.

You have to be, you have to spend a lot of time alone, one on one with people. And I realized I wasn't really cut out for that work. And I had been an athlete in the Past in sports psychology.

When I was an undergraduate in the 80s, it was just getting big in the U.S. so I realized at the time I was really interested in that performance psychology. Like, you know, why do you have two people with equal talent and ability and one performs at a much higher level? And that was really kind of what. And it's still what sports psychology tries to tap into or performance psychology, because I do a lot of work with companies as well, is, you know, how do we, how do we manifest our full potential? And as you and I talking earlier, I think Maslow is on it. That 2%. I said, you know, I don't know how, you know, what the number is, but I think it's a single digit number. And even, even elite athletes that I've worked with and really successful CEOs, people that we might look up to and think of as really successful, most of them don't think that they're anywhere near where they could be, which is interesting. I was reading an article, it was a Harvard Business Business review survey, and 90% of CEOs stated that they frequently or regularly wake up at night with some anxiety around failing. You know.

Just, just being really haunted by that thought of failing. So anyway, to answer your previous question, I got into sports psychology in the, in the 90s. I went and started the sports psychology program for the University of Georgia inside the athletic department. I did that for about four and a half years and then got an opportunity to work with a consulting firm working with businesses. And I did that. And, and so now I'm on my own. But I do a combination of working with corporations, executive level folks, and I still do work with a handful of, you know, elite, you know, professional Olympic level athletes because I really enjoy that. They kind of keep me on my toes. So that's what I'm doing right now.

Amazing.

You're asking about the book. What happened was I was doing some speaking and people kept saying, you know, you should write a book, you should write a book. And I didn't really, really want to write a book because I'm not a great writer and haven't really enjoyed writing that much. I mean, most of the writing I did was in school. And it was pretty painful, right, because you knew you're going to, you know, there's going to be red ink all over the page. And.

A client of mine who'd heard me speak a number of times at the company.

He said, I'm going to send you. He was the one saying, you need to do this. Scott Humphreys, his Name, you need to write this book. And so he xeroxed all the notes that he had taken on, like, a legal pad and mailed it to me. And it was. I mean, it was pretty thick. And it's like, I didn't realize I had that much to say. Yeah. So I just started, you know, thinking about, okay, what are the. What are the messages? What are the teachings? What are the learnings? What are things that I've learned in my life through my work that I'd want to share with other people? And that's how I, you know, I came up with about 25 kind of AHAs, or what I thought were significant learnings, and that was how the book began. And then I just. I learned to write and not edit, and that's what you have to do to get in that flow state. Yeah. And once I did it, the book just came pouring out of me. So I was really surprised that I was able to do it.

But I felt compelled to do it. I felt a responsibility to do it. It wasn't. I wanted to do was. And I think a lot of people who. Who've done something of any significance, they did it not because they wanted to. They felt that if they didn't do it, they would be haunted by it.

Yeah, exactly. And. And. And you. You really caught me right at the start of the book because you said, being happy is not the purpose of your life.

Yeah.

Can you expand on that? Because I think that's reliable.

Yeah. You know, I said, you know, being. It's not about being happy. It's about being fully alive and. And functioning at a high level. And I. You know, the thing about happy. Happy is kind of like the weather. I think we're happy when we get what we want.

Right. And so, you know, if things are going my way, I'm happy. And things aren't going my way, I'm not. I think what sits beneath that is a sense of peace or contentment or even a sense of purpose and meaning. I think. I think we all want to think that our life matters and that we have. There's a reason we're here, and there's something we need to do. I think when you pursue happiness.

And I especially hear this with parents talking about their children, they say, I just want my child to be happy. I go, no, you don't. You want your child to grow up and move out of your house and be able to care for themselves and be, you know, independent and autonomous, you know, and stay out of jail and stay sober. Right. And Be able to have meaningful relationship, like, that's what you want for your child. And if you have to struggle to get there, so be it. So instead of, you know, that sense of, I want my child life to be easier than mine, and I want my child to be happier than me, I don't think. I think that's really a misinformed message. I think we want our children to take on as much responsibility and difficulty and challenge as they can tolerate. Because when you look at people who have real meaning in their life, that's what they're doing. They're. They're doing something that's difficult and challenging.

Yeah.

You know, the other thing I would say about that is, you know, when I. When I. The people that I work with, I frequently ask them, you know, what is the thing that you're most proud of that you've done? Not having a child, but something you did individually, like getting a graduate degree or running an iron man or. Yeah, you know, something that you did. And once they identify it, I said, well, was it easy or difficult? I go, it's difficult. I said, was it a little bit difficult or, like, a lot difficult? And almost always they say it was really, really hard. In fact, it was the most difficult thing that I did. Right. So if we want to be proud of our lives, if we want to feel like our life has meaning and purpose, I think that's what we have to pursue, is to do things that really, you know, are a little bit frightening when you first think about it.

What, what. So what about all the side totally aligned with you? I mean, that's how I've lived my life. It's. I've lived in different countries. You know, I went from consulting to building, you know, helping build a tech business to build a restaurant chain, to now, you know, lots of different stuff. And so it's always been, like, completely different.

And challenging. But I also know that.

For example, when I share the things that I've done.

I also notice that it gets quite a reaction from people. It feels very, very odd. And when I kind of dig a little bit more, it doesn't seem like the majority of people actually want to do really difficult things, put themselves outside of their comfort zone. So if our ultimate goal in life is to do stuff like that.

What is it that keeps so many people from not doing it, then?

Well, I think part of it is what we've been told about what successful or happy or meaningful life is. I think a lot of us have been told something that's not accurate. I Think we've been told to pursue the thing that comes to you naturally and easily. And there's nothing wrong with that because we do have innate talents and abilities. But I just don't think there's a lot of messaging, especially in modern day culture, that really encourages you to take on as much as you can handle. I mean, there's a few people doing that, like Jordan Peterson would be an example, even though he's extremely controversial.

Because he doesn't believe that we should restrict speech, his understanding psychologically of what we must do to live a meaningful life. I think he's spot on. I mean, and it's not his opinion. I mean, it's embedded in the research. You know, I say things, you know, time to time and people will say, well, I disagree with you. I say this is not an opinion, this is not what I think this is. You know, what years and years of research and demonstrated, you know, there's certain facts about human beings that the fact that you don't like the fact doesn't mean that it's not true. You know, and the fact is, is that people who take on as much difficulty and challenge that they can tolerate those people like being alive more than those who don't.

Right, right.

And we should, we should pay attention to that.

And so you said something just now about. Well, part of the reason why is because people get kind of told they're sold, you know, the wrong things. And I think what you're getting at there is the beliefs that then form within people. And you talk about that big time in the book as that's like the cornerstone, the foundation of everything. There's a section of the book where you even the ultimate determining factor in how you will be, what you will do, the things you'll achieve, etc. How much success you have are the beliefs that you have about yourself. Right?

Yeah, but the belief that you have about what life do I have to live in order to be successful? Like if I was really successful, what would my day look like? I mean, I asked people think about that.

Right.

You know, and it's not sitting around and watching three hours of tv.

So what are some of the common beliefs that you, you see common, limiting beliefs that you see people having. And can you give an example, like practical ways in which people can start to change those beliefs?

Yes. Let me, let me start with how, how we raise children and the messages that we give to children. Because that's where that belief, you know, formation begins. Right. Like most of the things that you believe about yourself is because someone told, told that to you. And you believe, like if someone told you you're smart, then you believe you're smart. If they said you're ugly, you believe you're ugly. You know, if they, if somebody told you you're a great athlete, you know, we, we believe these things, kids, because we don't know. And so what I see parents doing now, and even, even parents with college age kids, and I've, you know, I worked a lot in the colleges and I worked in college counseling centers when I was coming along, you know, if I got a bad grade in a class or had a difficulty with a teacher, my parents didn't intervene on my behalf, you know, and call the teacher. Now they do.

Right. Like parents are stepping in for their child and fighting their battles for them. And I strongly believe as a parent, you should never do something for your child that your child can do for yourself. For example, as soon as your kid can tie his or her shoe, don't tie their shoes anymore. It's not because you don't love them, but you want that child to become independent, right? As soon as they can dress themselves, feed themselves, stop doing that. But the other thing is to stop fighting their fights for them. Otherwise they're never going to learn how to negotiate, you know, and interact with people, especially during tension. And this is what, this is what I see coming along now. So what happens is a kid gets into difficulty and what do they do? They just, you know, they leave, they, they end the relationship, they quit work.

And so that belief of can I tolerate and manage difficult things, how difficult should my life be? So that would be a belief, right? Like, what do I believe about how difficult my life should be? And my answer is pretty damn difficult, pretty challenging, you know, like on a regular basis, if you, if I'm trying to do big things, okay, if I'm really trying to do something of significance, I'm going to run into more roadblocks, right? If I'm not, if I'm not trying to go big, then yeah, the road's a little bit flatter. I mean, talking about athletes is a great example. I mean, you know, if you're a runner, how many miles do you run a week? I mean, I work with professional runners. They run 100 miles a week, you know, and when you're running 20 miles a week, you think, well, shoot, I could never run 100 miles a week. Well, you could, you know, not immediately, but, you know, we don't, we don't really know what we're capable of doing. I think we have to acknowledge that too. So, for example, if I said, eric, like, how many days could you go without food before you would die? You know, the answer is you don't know, right? Yeah, probably. Unless you've been that situation. And most of us will never know. You know, you might think, well, I can go a week, maybe you can go two weeks. You don't know. But you're not going to put yourself in that situation. I mean, most people won't. Most people won't even skip a day. The most.

The most, by the way, funny story with this one. The most I have, I've ever done is five and a half days. Then my wife asked me to cook a meal and I made the mistake of smelling the chorizo and I ate that like a wolf.

Yeah, I bet you did. See, I think. I think we should do things fasting, as example. And I've been. I fast too. You know, I mean, it's really interesting what you're capable of doing. You know, don't go to bed one night, stay up all night and see what happens. Those kinds of things. We just. We just don't. We don't do that. So the fact of the matter, for most of us, we don't know what we're capable of doing. And we never put ourselves in a situation where we're going to find out.

So let's assume that from all the programming, for example, in childhood, we not as independent as we could have, could have become. And we don't step into challenges as much as we should. And we have this belief that.

You know, we're just going to squander our potential. We're just going to be just shy of what we could have been. How do we change that?

Well, the first thing is acknowledge that I could do more. You know, it's interesting. So if you look at the research with high performers, they'll call them strivers, right? So think about the people you work with, the high performers that you work with. If you ask them to do a self assessment, they'll essentially say, I'm doing a pretty good job, but I could do better. Okay? Like, they'll quickly critique the areas that they need to improve. So for those of you who have employees, this is an interesting thing, especially when interviewing people, because a person who says they're great at everything, you don't want to hire that person. You know, the person you will hire say, well, I do these two or three things pretty good, but I got four or five things I'm really Still working on like that's the person you want. If you look at average, low, average people and even poor performers, what's interesting is people who are, people who are incompetent, people who are. Sorry about that. People who are incompetent, they don't know that they're incompetent.

They don't think of themselves as incompetent. They generally think, well, you know, I'm doing poorly because you know something that Eric did to me, right, it's someone else's fault. So people that are on the low performance end, they tend to look at the low performance if they think of their performance. Low is based upon external things. High performing people, they didn't generally view themselves as, I'm not doing more or better because I haven't, you know, haven't gotten there yet. You see. So the, so that belief and this, and this is what I see, and you can really see it with elite athletes is they're seldom satisfied. You see this with high performing people in corporate America. You know, they're seldom satisfied. They, they're thinking about what they haven't done yet and what they want to do. And of course that's what keeps them going. If you really sit down with them and kind of peel it back, they'll admit, yeah, okay, I'm pretty good, you know.

And so a high performing person, do you think it's, it's possible to reach your full potential, become a high performing person without a coach?

Well, I think what you need is you need a reality check. You need people around you that you can go to and say, hey, A.

Right? I mean like if you have bad breath, you probably don't know you have bad breath. You might need your buddy to say, hey, here's a breath mint, right? So anytime somebody offers you a breath mitt, take it. Because what they're saying is your breasting. But you don't know that. Like we need, we need external observers to help us see ourselves clearly. And so yes, I think people as a general rule who've done quite well, they've had that throughout their life. They've had someone who would tell them the truth.

And, and they were able to tolerate the truth. They didn't feel injured by the truth. I mean, you all have a friend, right, that if you give them any kind of critical feedback, they immediately get defensive and they can't tolerate it. Right. And what I'm, what I'm saying is, is, is you want people to be on this with you. I was in the bank the other day. And they said, hey, we're going to send you a survey. Will you give us a 10? Anything less than a 10 is unacceptable. I said, I tell you what I'll do. I'll tell the truth. How about that? How about when I get the survey, I tell the truth? But see, what the manager was basically saying is, I don't want you to tell the truth. Okay? I want you to give us a 10. Well, then how are you going to find out what you don't do? Well, you know, I mean, the fact that I was in your bank for 45 minutes and do a simple procedure because you don't have competent people. People to do it. Right. Like, why would you not want to know that? But we don't. So most people, what I'm getting to is what's keeping them from performing at the highest level is they don't want to know the truth. And they're not asking people. They're asking people to. They're asking people to be nice to them. They're not asking people to tell the truth. You know, and so I think about that, you know, if you're. If you're a manager, a leader at work, you know, what's. What's more important, to be nice or to be truthful? And so if you're a person and you value being nice over being truthful, then you're not going to tell the full truth, right? You're going to file the edges off the truth. But the only way that I can tell the truth to you is if I tell the truth to myself first.

Yeah, exactly.

Right? So now you're getting in this capacity to be able to observe your own thought process and to observe your own emotional state, which most people haven't spent any time doing and they're not good at. And that's the essence of meditation. But if you can get to where you can observe your own mind, that is transformative, right? If you can understand that your mind is. Is basically doing the same thing the TV is doing. It's just talking to you. But when you're watching the movie on the tv, you don't think it's you. But when you hear the clatter in your own mind, you think it's you. It's not. Yeah, he's the object, you're the subject. You're observing all of that.

And I love your point about.

Feedback. Essentially. I ran a series of workshops recently with a company about the art, the art of giving and receiving feedback. But one of the simple ways I started it out was not even using the word feedback for some reason. The word feedback is feedback, right? And it creates this, like, negative connotation. So instead I asked everyone.

Does everyone out, you know, does everyone here, you know, consider themselves someone who likes to learn and do you like to learn new things? You know, pretty much everyone raised their hand. Does everyone here, like, want to improve? Pretty much everyone raised their hand. So everyone wants to learn and improve. Right? Those two word. And that's all feedback is, is an opportunity to learn and improve. So if you want that, that's the mechanism for delivery.

And then the second, like, illuminating thing that I said on this subject was that.

Look at all the people around you that you work with, that you live with. Swirling in their heads are tons of, of learning and improvement opportunities for you. They're there right now. They're just afraid to tell you.

So it's there. And if you can.

Yeah, you got to make it safe. Right? You got me. Especially if you're the boss. You have to ask people. I mean, this is one of the things that C Suite people will tell you all the time, is they know that people aren't telling them the whole truth because they don't want to make the boss mad. And what I'm saying is, if you're the boss, you have to. You have to ask people, but you can't ask one time. You have to say, I really, really want to know what you think here. Or, you know, tell me why this is a bad idea. Tell me why this isn't going to work.

Yeah, I'd love to learn. I'd love to improve, you know? Are you willing to help me? Yeah. Okay, well, then tell me. Excellent. So you mentioned, when you're talking about high performers just now, you mentioned that virtually every high performer out there will say, yeah, I'm doing a few things well, but I want to. I still want to get better at some other things. Want to improve. And in the book, you talk about how better is actually the enemy of best.

Yes.

So, yeah, let's talk about that. I mean, what's wrong with trying to get a little bit better each day?

There's nothing wrong with wanting to improve. The problem I see once you get on the better path is you never get off of it. And so there's no. There's no sense of satisfaction of being enough. So when people say to you, you need to get better, you generally hear that as criticism, right?

Yeah.

But if I said to you, hey, Eric, I want you to do the best that you can, and that's All I want you to come to work every day, do the best that you can. And so then you say, you hand me, you know, some work that you did, say a report. And so I look at report and I say, let me ask you a question. Do you feel like this report is.

A good example of your best work? You know, this. Does this represent your best work?

Well, now we're having a different conversation than if I said to you, hey, I think you could do better. Like, is. Is, you know, is this your best? So if you think about the whole thing with better, right. Is future tense. It's like, we want you to get better so that in the future that you'll, you know, develop. But my sense is, if I do them, if I do my best every day, won't that achieve that? Like, isn't the best way to grow and develop to do the best that you can every day, want that natural? Won't that want improvement naturally happen? And so now, because there's something ambiguous about better, but most people can tell you objectively, like, is that the best that you can do? And if the answer is yes, then good, do that again. Like, do that as many times as you can. The problem with better is it has a punitive, evaluative, judgmental quality to it that people tend to back away from. You know, you got to do better. You got to do better.

I like the idea of kind of getting to reset the clock every day and saying, hey, I'm gonna show up and try to do my best today.

Right? But think about if you tell yourself at the beginning of the day and you really believe that, like, today I'm gonna do. I'm gonna attempt to do the best that I can. Think about the mindset that that puts you in versus you. Get up in the morning, you say, I gotta do better.

Yeah, Totally different.

Yeah. All performance happens in the now. Like, you don't do anything in the future, Right? You can think about the future, but you can't do anything with it. Same with the past. You can't do it. You can think about the past, but you can't do the past. So the only thing that you can do is now. So the question is, what's the state of mind that's going to help me be most present? To do better or to do my best?

And I can connect this back to all the. You've worked with some incredible.

Elite athletes and including, I mean, I remember Kevin Butler from. I grew up in Chicago.

Oh, yeah? Yeah.

So including Kevin on the Bears. And.

It really Makes sense when you talk about better versus best. Because if I think about elite athlete, what elite athlete enters a game, for example, and says, in this game, I'm going to try to do a little bit better than I did in the last one, they wouldn't say that. They say, I'm going to go out there and do my damn best.

Right. And that's what. And that's what we should ask of ourselves, and that's what we should ask of the people that we work with and of our children. You know, if you got a kid, you know, who has some learning issues, and the best that they can do is make a B or C. Okay.

And what.

What about, you know, is there a danger that every day then becomes a. A game day? And then you think to yourself, oh, you know what? I don't want to do my best today.

I know, but every day is a game day.

Yeah.

You could, you know, you can live or die every day. You know, this may be your last day. And if. If you're not fully dialed into it, that might be the reason that you died, you know, is that you, you know, you fell asleep at the will, you know, literally or figuratively. And so I think. I think to live with a sense of urgency and to live with a sense of purpose is, for me, at age 60, works quite well. Because, I mean, one of the advantages of being 60 is you realize, okay, you're past halfway and you're not going to be here forever because your body starts, right. Manifesting, you know, issues and problems. Wear and tear, if you will. Right. And. And so you begin it, you know, at that age to realize, shoot, I'm not going to live forever. You know, when you're 20, you thought you're bulletproof. And when you're 60, you realize, no, I'm not. You know, and, you know, you're going into the repair, it's like an older car. You're going into the repair shop more often. Oh, I mean, you. Right. And you, and you. And you see people your age, you know, you see somebody and they look old as hell, and they tell you they're 60 and go, man, this guy's the same age as me. And then, you know, your parents are, you know, in their 80s and 90s, and you realize, you know, they're coming down the home stretch here. I mean, there's no denying that. But I think that sense of doing the best in all situations, especially in my interactions with people, that's where I really continue to struggle. I don't feel like I'm consistent enough.

How so? Well, I. I get lazy. You know, I'll. I'll get triggered and have an emotional response and handle a situation in a way that I wish I didn't.

Right.

You know, now those are becoming, I think, you know, fewer and fewer, but I still do it. When I do it, I get really frustrated with myself.

Yeah, that happens. I mean, 10 years ago, it used to happen, like, all the time, but it's still. Yeah. The big thing for me is, is. And I still mess this up, but, you know, something will trigger me, and I just try to remind myself, just pause, you know, just create a little bit. Create a little bit of space.

Right. Well, how people treat us is really about them. It's not about us. Right. Like, if, you know, if a stranger is rude to you, you know, say you're in a restaurant or somewhere, you know, checking into a hotel, and someone is really rude to you, they're not really rude to you because they don't know you. They're just rude.

But in your mind, it's like, you were rude to me.

No, they're just rude.

They're rude to everyone. It just happened to be your turn.

Right.

Another thing you talk about in the book is you talk about how.

Your belief that success is 100% mental. And.

I'm just relating this to my own kind of experience. So.

For me to feel mentally on top of my game, I need to be doing a certain amount of strength training and cardio training weekly. Or I just start to feel. It's like the chemical cocktail goes off and I start to get depressed and down and, you know, agitated easily. And I'm just like, fuck it, you know? So is success at 100% mental, or can the body actually help the mind?

Well, the problem is the body can't do anything without the mind. I mean, let me ask you, if I took. If I took your brain out, what would happen? How would that. How would that body do? If. If I. If I. If I just took a chunk out, but I left most of the brain, like, how would you do?

Yeah, not good.

So what I'm getting. What I'm. What all I'm saying, when I say 100, what I mean is, is that the brain's controlling what the body does. It does that. You know, physiologically, it does it chemically, it does it electrically. I mean, there's so many things that can go wrong with your brain, right? Like, you know, get all your dopamine and serotonin sucked out of your brain and see what that's like, you know, you won't be able to get out of the bed, you know, you know, or you know, take, take a knife and you know, dice it up a little bit. You won't be able to function. So all I'm saying is we, when I talk about being 100%, it's like we, you can't separate the mind from the body. And so when people say, you know, what percentage of it's mental, all of its mental.

You know, it's, it's, it's all mental, it's all physical. It's all of it. You can't, you can't.

You know, it doesn't make any sense to me to separate, you know, what part is mental and what part is physical.

Yeah, no, I hear you now. That's a great example. I mean.

The moment you said, what's going to happen when I take your brain out of your body?

Yeah. Or take the chemicals out of your brain.

Yeah, I totally.

I mean this is, this is much of what mental illness is. Right. I mean if, you know, anyone who takes an anti anxiety or antidepressant or antipsychotic medication, it's all adjusting, you know, the neurotransmitters which are the chemicals in your brain. You know, it's like you could have a perfectly good car, but if I drain all the gas and oil out of your car. Okay, it doesn't matter.

Yeah, exactly.

Ours non functional. If I put really good gas and really good oil and it'll do better than it would do. You know, we're the same way. There's, there's a, you know, and we don't even know yet. I mean there's so much that we don't know about how our brains work and how they function. I mean, from the time that I've gotten out of graduate school to now, I mean we, I mean there's just, there's a lot to learn.

And you talk about. Another thing that really hit me in elite mind in your book is you talk about the power of intention. And.

This, I mean this is something that I really latched onto in my book as well. The three alarms.

I was finding it difficult to. My beliefs weren't right. And so what I did was the whole fake it till you make it things. I literally have three alarms on my phone. 6:30am it says World Fitness champion because that's who goes to the gym. So I kind of set an attention. 9am says world's best CEO because it makes me think how would I act If I was that. And at 6:30pm it says, World's best husband and father. Not that I am, but it just prompts the question, how would the world's best husband and father walk to the door right now? So it's like I try to have this intentionality on the health front, on the work front, on the home front, and cue it at the right time of day. What do you think about that whole idea of faking it till you're making it, till you make it and not really having the beliefs, but trying to remind yourself of that higher version of you and hoping that you can act your way to it?

Well, it makes me think about this construct called confidence.

Which is a fancy way of what do you believe you're capable of doing? And the problem with human beings is that it changes. You know, like, if I. If I. If I said to you, are you a confident person? You might say, well, right now I am, but come Saturday, I may not be. Something might happen. Yeah. All right, so this. So. So, you know, we talk about the importance of the beliefs that we have about ourselves and what we're capable of doing. The tricky piece is that it changes from. It's like the weather, you know, it's like, how's the weather where you are? Well, today it's nice, you know, it's. Guys are clear and it's sunny, but there'll be a day where there'll be a storm, you know, and it's like, I can't even go outside. It's not safe. So how we experience ourselves and how we view ourselves fluctuates. And of course, part of what we want to do is we want to find a place where that roller coaster, you know, instead of it up and down, it's, you know, it's more, you know, small up and downs. Like that's how you want to live your life, you know, where the. The highs aren't so high and the lows aren't so low.

You know, I was thinking the other day, you know, college football in the south is really big. And it's like, you know, the more you love your team, the more you hate the other team, right? And so if you really, really love your team, then you really, really hate the other team. But, you know, if you like your team, then you're like, they're not, you know, the other team, they're not terrible. They just, you know, they're not us. And so I see people do things to such extremes and.

You know, think about themselves and other things with such Extremes, it's like, you know, isn't there, you know, you see this in American politics now, right? Are you on the left or the right? We're like, you can't be a moderate. You know, you can't say, well, you know, the Republicans got a good answer to some issues, but the Democrats got a good answer some other. Like, I don't hear anyone say that, which is my own personal position, by the way. You know, and I'm hoping that the next direction, next generation, like my kids coming along and going, you know, the two party system doesn't work, guys. You know, where's there's no middle ground here, there's. There's no moderate approach to this thing. And, and so we do that with ourselves where, you know, like, I'm great, I'm terrible. Yes, you're both of those things. You know, Monday you were awesome and now it's Thursday and you're struggling, okay? So, you know, you're struggling on Thursday, but you can still do the best that you can. And sometimes the best you can is just getting dressed and getting in the car and going to work.

Yeah, yeah, exactly. Just adapting it to the context of the day.

Right, right. So allowing ourselves to not be on all the time, because you all know that's the truth about yourself and dealing with yourself with a bit of grace. I mean, you know, you would do that with your best friend, you would do that with your partner. You know, if they were just coming down off of high, you would say, well, hey, you know, it makes sense. This is what happens. But we don't do that with ourselves. And so I think that's part of why our confidence, our belief ebbs and flows, is that we don't allow ourselves to fluctuate. You know, like, can you, can you be a good person but that did something that you're ashamed of? Yes, you can.

Yeah.

You know, can you be a good, you know, a good athlete but have a bad game? Yes.

Can you be a good father but say something to your child that you are really embarrassed? Yes. That's how it works. That's how it works for all of us, you know, great CEO and make a terrible business decision. Yes.

Yeah, I've done some of those.

Yeah, we all have.

All right, let's bring it home now. So, practical tool that people can use on their quest to become their best. What's like one practical tool that they can use?

Well, well, one thing, the first thing that came to mind because I just did it myself, so every year I do something that Pushes me to the limit, both physically and mentally.

And a couple years during COVID I got on my motorcycle and rode to California and back, you know, and I was gone for six weeks.

I just got back from France. I went and walked 450 miles during 30 days.

Geez.

And in the middle of May, they had a heat wave. It got into the 90s. And I've done. I've gone over to Europe and walked these ancient pilgrimage routes. You know, when it's called the Camino de Santiago, there's. There's a number of them, and I've walked several of them. But basically what I do is I usually just go for two weeks and I walk, you know, 25, 30 kilometers a day, you know, 15 to 20 miles. So, I mean, it's pretty physically intense. But this time I went for double that amount. And, you know, I got. I got back on June 3rd and what's today? The 16th. So two weeks later, and the bottom of my left foot is still numb because, you know, I walked so much and it'll. It'll come back. But, you know, just doing something like that, like, get way out of your comfort zone, put yourself in a really vulnerable place, you know, in a country where you don't speak the language, you know, you know, like 10 words, and you're walking down a dirt road and you don't know what's around the corner. I mean, you know, you have a reservation and a hostel tonight, but you have no idea what it's going to be like. Like, one time, one time we stayed in a. In a convent. It's been converted, but, like, the beds were really short, you know, Like, I didn't have six, two, so I didn't fit the bed, you know, so you're kind of balling up like you're in a kid's bed, you know. And then the other thing is a lot of times, you know, the meals included, so you, you know, you're having dinner, but you don't know what it's going to be, and you don't know how edible it's going to be or if you're going to have enough to eat. And you're out in the middle of nowhere. So it's not like you're going to get in the car and go get some food. So just that kind of uncertainty and then you're carrying everything on your back. And so I really like doing that because it, it's so different than the way that I normally live. So I think that's a practical thing. Like, you Know, I mean, you can. I mean, most people, you know that I know, I mean, their vacation is they go to the beach and sit on the beach, right? And drink beer. And there's nothing wrong with that. But I don't think we have enough adventure. We don't take enough. We don't have enough challenge and risk. So that would be one thing I would. I would say to people, to think about doing, you know, is doing something.

You know, on pretty much a regular basis that challenges you physically, psychologically, spiritually.

Love it. Love it.

So that. And then the other thing you can do, wherever you are, is just learning to sit with yourself and observe your mind. And your mind, in my opinion, does two things. It generates thought and it generates emotion. And if you can get to where you can just see, watch those thoughts like you're watching a movie, you know, and those emotions and. And detach from them. Like you. If you can learn that you have thoughts, but you're not your thoughts, you. You have emotion, but you're not the emotion, you know, you're the witness to that. You're that which observes your mind, your consciousness, if you will, or your spirit, however you want to think of it. But if you can get to a point where you can observe your own thought process and your own emotional process and have some space that will radically transform your mind, you will immediately get a handle on things. And now you. Now you get to choose. Okay, so I have this belief, all right? But it's just a belief. Well, if I don't like the belief, I mean, can you change it? I mean, you know, one thing I say to people is, like, who controls your thoughts? You know, who controls your mind? That you look at me like I'm crazy, go, I do. And I go, yeah, you do. And how good a job are you doing? Right? Like, if you really believe you can control your own mind, how good a job are you doing? Like, isn't that something you'd want to be great at?

Yeah.

I mean, given the fact that you can have any thought.

Yeah.

I mean, there's an infinite number of thoughts that you can generate. And given the fact that you could think anything about yourself in the world, like, wouldn't you want to do that with some intention?

Oh, yeah, Absolutely Right.

But most people don't realize that, like, I get a choice, and I'll do that, Eric. Like, I'll be driving down the road, and I'll be, you know.

You know, just neurosing about something, you know, just spinning some negative thing over and over. You know, just stuck in the ditch on it. Right?

Yeah.

And I'll. And what I've learned to do is to talk out loud. Because when you. Because your own thoughts is just a conversation going on in your head. But it's really important that you say it out loud or you write it down. Right? So if you have a thought that haunts you. And so I'll say to myself, like, of all the things that you could be thinking about, Stan, isn't it interesting that you pick this one? That's all I say to myself. Isn't it interesting that you picked this one?

Fantastic. Amazing.

Yeah. I mean, and then if you don't like that one, then guess what? Pick another one. Now, I'm not saying it's easy. I'm just saying it's possible.

This is the book. Once again, everyone, elite minds. Dr. Stan Stan Beacham. If you want to retrain your brain to think like a winner, conquer your fears and go after your goals, achieve peak performance, reach your full potential, become who you want to be mentally, physically, personally and professionally. Got to read this. One of my favorite books ever. Thank you, Stan. Thank you so much for coming on the show today.

I enjoyed Eric. Yeah. Okay, Thanks.