Kerri Hummingbird | When Doctors Say, "We Don't Know" Podcast | Episode 202

Welcome to the show. My name is Eva Vennari, founder of the Elevate Institute, and I'll be your host for today's podcast, When Doctors Say We Don't Know. It's an inclusive conversation, and so many are craving to share their stories and experiences, and today's guest is no exception. Today's honored guest is Carrie Hummingbird. She is a soul guide who inspires people to lead their lives wide awake with an authenticity passion and purpose that positively impacts others. She has served as a social activist, a leader, and philanthropist for over 3 decades. Did I pronounce that right? Philanthropist? I still can't get it right. Keri, welcome to the show.

Thank you, Eva.

Yeah.

Look at the laugh. These things need laughter.

Well, it's a, it's a big word and I usually love multisyllabic words, but that one has always been difficult with my mouth. But anyways, I want to say we've met, we've known each other for a few years now, and I met you through the Skills Not Pills movement.

Yes, ma'am.

Yep. And now as the host of the Soul Nectar Show, which is very exciting, it's beautiful. But I want to ask first, before we get into those things, your name, Carrie Hummingbird, is that your given name?

Well, now that's a really interesting question, Eva. So the only part of my name that was, that is still the same from my birth is Carrie. And, you know, here's why. So I had 3 fathers from 0 to 5.

How do you do that?

My mom did that for me. She did it for me. Now I used to say, that's not maybe so foreign for me, but see, I'm on the spiritual path now. So I say that was for me. So yeah, I had my natural father. And then I had a first stepfather. And of course, my name has changed. And then I have the second stepfather who ended up being my dad. for, you know, the better part of my life from 5 years on. So his name was Lonsby. And so if you listen to my book, Awakening to Me, on Audibles, you'll hear Carrie Hummingbird Lonsby introduced now.

Uh-huh.

But since then, my name has changed. So the Hummingbird part of my name came into play because I was in a marriage for 20 years. I got divorced. I thought, what isn't— I don't know what my last name should be. And what's the right name? You know, this is a perplexing question for women, you know, because where are you gonna go back? And, and I don't know, what is your authentic name? Like, what's your name really? Is it a man's name? So that's why I was in that inquiry. Like, and then I had this spiritual awakening moment. I did a meditation journey. And at the end of the journey, I saw this amazing hummingbird in rainbow light just appeared. And I, I was so awe-inspiring. It was one of those awe-inspiring spirit moments. I thought, that's, that's for me. So I looked it up and I thought, yep, that's who I am. So I just started going by Kerri Hummingbird. I just changed it on social media. I was in this place like, I don't really care anymore what people think about me because I'd just been through a divorce, like 20-year relationship collapsed. You know, been through psychotherapy for 2 decades, all of this. And I thought, I just don't care anymore. I'm just going to do what I want. So I changed my name.

That must have been very freeing.

It was freeing. And now it's actually legal because when I got married, I was just doing it on social media. But then when I got married with my new husband, Hakim Sami, I took on his last name Sami because S-A-M-I, Sami, also means the light. And so I studied Q'ero with the Q'ero people in Peru for energy medicine training. I've learned their— some of their practices. And one of the words— they have 2 different words for energy: hucha, which is heavy energy, and sami, which is light. So it was so funny when I met him, I thought, oh, this is, you know, I'm being connected. So—

No kidding.

I did change my name, so I changed it legally to Carrie Hummingbird St. Mie, so now it's totally legit, although people probably question it, and that's okay.

Well, when I say— I think hummingbird, I think of the, of course, the beautiful bird, but the colors on the bird's feathers. When anybody sees you on these shows, you know, the Skills Not Pills movement or the whole— the Soul's Nectar show behind you, and even the colors you wear, They look like hummingbird colors.

They are hummingbirds. Well, I'm very attracted to flowers and to all things that love flowers, anything that loves nectar. I mean, my show is Soul Nectar Show. So yeah, all about the nectar.

See, Eva, how it all ties together?

It all ties together.

Well, I like that. And even, even with the programs that you offer, you also tie all of this in. So It's just really cool. And the conversation is— for between you and I has always been very intuitive, and I just kind of follow a flash of, of— if you want to call it brilliance, I can— down a road of discovery. And I think that's really what we're going to do here. So I wanted to start with the Skills Not Pills movement, but when I remembered thinking, I don't know the story of Hummingbird, and I really don't think that's your true given last name, so I'm glad I asked.

Thank you for asking, confirming that.

Yeah. Well, I can see now where all of this, you know, kind of comes together and makes a beautiful picture. So let's go back. Skills Not Pills Movement, what made you decide to start that?

Well, really it was because I, I was on this journey from really early. I mean, honestly, I was a toddler when I was seeing my first psychologist, believe that or not. But because of all the turmoil of being, you know, childhood divorce, and my mom wanting to keep me away from my natural father because he was acting like he was going to start molesting me.

Mm-hmm.

And that was when I was just 1, 1 years old. And then the second father, this first, the first stepfather was pretty violent and alcoholic. And I'm sure my mom did not anticipate him being like that. Looked like a mild-mannered professional, certainly didn't end up being that way. So that was very traumatic. So very young, I was biting my arms and leaving these welting marks on my arms. So I was in psychotherapy from, you know, toddler. And I spent all this time in psychotherapy with these diagnoses and these labels. And it didn't— it helped me learn how to navigate my thought tunnels, you know, my mind, but it didn't really heal it. And so by the time I had my child, I had my first child at 30. And up until this point, it was just the weekly psychotherapy sessions. But as soon as I had my child, all of these changes took place in my body. And what I now know was happening was that I It's like I had so much love for my child pouring through me. And it was just a— anybody who's had a child, like, you just understand the profound love that you have that you just never had before in your body. And here's this little baby and you just love this baby. And I was having that happen for me. And that was stirring up the dust inside of me, all the spaces where stuff got repressed from my childhood and all of these things were stirring up and I went into a depression. So at that point they put me on the post— you know, I was in postpartum, so they put me on these pills. I stayed on those pills for like 14 years.

For postpartum? And isn't— aren't those— isn't that supposed to be just short-term solution?

Yeah, it's supposed to be short-term. But see, that's the thing is that once you start taking these things, you don't come off. Unless you advocate to come off of them.

The doctors didn't say— the ones who prescribed them said, look, this is short-term and you should only be on them for X number of months?

No.

Wow.

Here you go on these. And the thing that really happened was that I also was starting to believe that I wasn't going to be able to cope without them.

Oh.

So I was afraid that if I, you know, when I started having getting pregnant with my next baby, I was, I was actually the one that was like, I'm afraid. I don't know if I can, you know, what if I go depressed again? What if I start having— because I was having some visions, like I had a vision of a hole in the middle of the bathroom floor when I was taking a shower, like, like an abyss.

Wow.

And that really freaked me out, you know. So I didn't really know where that came from. Now I know it's like a You know, I would say it's a spiritual vision. You know, it's a spiritual— it's a message from my spirit like, hey, you have some things to heal. And if I was to do that over again, if I was to coach me now, knowing what I know now, I would have said, we need to do some child healing. We need to do some traumatic healing. We need to PTSD. We need to go in and somatic healing, you know.

That's right.

But of course, these things weren't known then.

So. Well, and even, even if they're known now, do you feel like the way that people are taught, including myself, you know, how to go about finding, seeking help, um, do you feel like the practitioners, doctors that they encounter would be able to easily go, oh, this is PTSD?

No.

So tell me how you really feel.

I, I, you know, let's just say getting this message And the outreach out has been quite challenging, as I know that you know.

Yes.

Because people are so addicted to the pills. Now, I just want to say in defense of the people who are addicted to the pills, I totally get it. I mean, I was also terrified to come off the pills. I thought, I don't want to screw up my kids. So if these pills keep me from screwing up my kids, I'll take them. You know, that was kind of my mentality. And, but what happened was, is that's not a long-term solution, you know, number one. It's not a way to live. Living disconnected from your heart and from your feelings is not a way to live.

And that's what the medication did with you.

Totally. It put a wall, like a glass wall between me and all of my feelings. And I know now that the feeling body of a woman is extremely powerful and that it's only an uncomfortable experience when you haven't gotten used to feeling your feelings and expressing them. It's only an uncomfortable feeling when you're clearing trauma, you know. So I do believe that the birthing period, a period when a woman is having a baby, is especially prone to the resurfacing of childhood traumas. And it's just like a natural process that happens. You know, we have to heal it. And we, in order to heal it, we have to feel it. And so what happens with these pills is that, you know, this wall gets put between you and your feelings. So you don't actually get to process the trauma. It just stays there haunting you. And so when you go off the pills, well, you cry. So then you think, oh, I can't go off the pills because I just keep crying. Well, what's the crying? The crying is releasing all the trauma. That's what it's doing. It's releasing it. So it's actually the healing process. So instead of allowing that to happen though, we're expected to never be sad, right? In this culture, we're not expected to ever be— we're supposed to be happy people with big smiles. So, you know, you're not allowed—

Eating McDonald's hamburgers. Yeah.

So you're not allowed to have— exactly. Eating whatever you want. So we can go down that tunnel if you want. But let me just say that while I was on those pills, of course, Because I, I know that there's people listening to this who are also doing this right now and really aren't going to like me pointing this out, but I'm going to point it out because I love you. So I'm going to say that I also was taking those pills and drinking my wine.

Mmm.

And drinking my wine, which is counter to the point of taking the pills. So, you know, it's just actually just a way to prolong the suffering so that you don't have to actually face your feelings. That's all it is. And so what's the quick solution to healing is to get yourself in a place where you have medical professionals, holistic medical professionals who can help you understand how to navigate reducing those pills if you're on those psychotropic pills. Get off of those things as soon as you can and start healing. Actually allow it to heal and feel everything. Get some support in navigating that traumatic space that you don't remember from your childhood, probably. And it could also be ancestral trauma. Like, there's a lot of things that can surface.

Mm-hmm.

So it might not even be yours. Like, you might be like, well, I don't— I didn't really— I had a pretty decent childhood. I don't know why I'm having all this. But then, well, I don't know, did like 2 generations back, did your grandmother have Some trauma and that wasn't processed?

Yes. Yeah, that might, that might be a little bit difficult for some to hear and understand that it's possible. You know, I've been, I've been in this realm of the Akashic Record reading and understanding the ancestral world. How would you describe that to somebody who's hearing that for the first time?

Well, I would just say this. If you don't believe in that, but you, but then how come you know that addiction is passed on? In a family. You know, it's like alcoholics, generation after generation after generation. How does that happen? Is it just training? Or is there something more? Because anybody who's gone through this experience, I can tell you there's a compulsion. It's a bodily compulsion. So that bodily compulsion is not training. It's not It's not, you know, nurture. That's nature. That's ancestral DNA.

Aha. Okay. So now we know how to recognize it.

Yeah.

Yeah. So just because something has been— and I don't want to use the words out of your control because we all have choices to take it somewhere, you know, to do something about it. But to feel out of control about it, I suppose that would be the best way to say this is a subconscious behavior, something that's Not just trained into me, but it's part of who I am and how I came into this world. It's passed down. I inherited it.

I inherited it. And so part of what's being challenged right now with the alternative health space is this idea that people have that they're just separate from everything. Well, I'm just separate. I'm just me. I'm separate. I'm not, I'm not related to anything. But in fact, you are related. And we're all inextricably related. You know, I can't remember the exact science around this, but I know that the water that you drink, that's been circulated around the planet so that every ancestor and every tree and every animal and every, every, every has drank from that water. It's the same water.

So it has memory.

It has memory, right? We're in a closed system on Earth. It's a closed ecosystem.

That might freak out the people, especially if you're, if you're a germaphobe. Oh my God, I'll never drink water again. But you know what? That's true with air.

It's true with everything. It's a closed system and it recycles itself. So think about that. It's a closed system. It recycles itself. Everything that you do to yourself, like these pills and putting them down in, you know, the drain or peeing them out, that all gets recycled too.

Scary thought.

That's why I'd really love for people to consider maybe not taking those anymore because you're taking them, you're peeing them out, and now what water are you giving your children? Is it separate water or is it water from the earth? Separate or from— it's all a closed system, remember? So anything you consume, your child's also consuming.

And not just your child, but everyone.

Everybody's child and every person and every animal and every plant is consuming what you're consuming.

Well, yes.

And that's a scary thought, right?

I mean— It is. Yeah. I mean, I take it a step further and I think about how our bodies are a natural filtering system. However, we don't want to bog it down with extra things that are superfluous to what we really need to live.

Exactly. And do you really need to stuff your emotions down because why? Because you have to conform to the expectation that you need to show up at your 9-to-5 job and be productive and not cry and not be depressed? That's why? Because you have to fit into the system?

What is so scary about looking at your feelings, your emotions? You're like, what, what is the scariest part about that? that people resist going through?

I think it's a sense of being weak. It's a lot of conditioning and domestication around being weak, or if you're— if you show up at work and you're depressed, then you'll be fired or something, like you'll have consequences, or you, you know, you'll be taken advantage of because people are bullies and they'll pick on you for having feelings. I mean, I'm sure there's a lot of reasons that people have for not being vulnerable. And, you know, certainly in the climate that we're in, in the world today, I can see why. But we've got to shift that. If we want humanity to survive, we've got to start taking this very seriously and realize that we are all consuming everything that each one of us is consuming. So if somebody is taking antipsychotic pills and that's going out into the water system, at some level, we're all taking that. Mm-hmm.

Yeah, whether you believe in homeopathic or not, you know, however much it's watered down or, or refined into the smallest particle, you're still getting a tincture of it. You're still getting a shadow of it, and it's still affecting—

It's affecting you. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. So I want to circle back onto this subject of the subconscious and these stuck emotions. So where does a— where does a person start on those things?

Well, it's really, really good to have a supportive community to join so that you can be in the presence of other people who are also doing the inner navigation journey, really looking at themselves, feeling their feelings, and expanding capacity to be present with others. It's, it's a really beautiful thing to be in community and to realize In a vulnerable space in community, that people are going through something very similar to what you're going through, and they've just been hiding it just like you. So in a vulnerable space of healing in a community like this, you can share those things without judgment. You can share it and be received. And when you're received and you're witnessed in something that's, that's painful for you, it's amazing how quickly it shifts. just by being witnessed, just by expressing it, and just by having somebody else empathically connect with you about that. It shifts tremendously quickly because you don't feel like you're all alone. You don't feel like, I'm the only one that's going through this, so I don't— there must be something wrong with me. Everybody else seems to be so happy. You know, if you look on Facebook and you see people's pictures, well, it sure does seem like we live in the land of happy people a lot, you know? Like, everybody's happy but me. I can't tell them I'm not happy, that I'm somehow deficient.

Right.

But actually, if you went behind the scenes and you met some of those people, like if you looked at my profile picture, you'd say, well, she's always happy. And the truth is, yeah, I am happy a lot right now. A lot in my life I'm happy. But does that mean that difficult things aren't happening? No. Difficult things are happening. I've learned a new way to be in relationship with them. And I've learned how to be in relationship with my emotions in a new way to let them flow when they need to flow. I don't hold back on myself anymore. And because of that, I'm able to be much more happy no matter what's going on. But that took a process for me to get there. And that process was being in community with mentors and being able to be in a space where it was safe to be seen. And I got to tell you, that's very different than going to a psychotherapy couch and sitting down and, and telling a victim story over and over again every single week. That's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about you really want to change. You want to heal it. You want to move through it. And you want to get to the other side where you don't need pills to stay alive. That's really what I'm talking about.

Yeah, that is the most— that description speaks of integrity, of being a human being, of honoring our bodies and saying they have the ability. It has the ability. It's designed perfectly to heal. If we give it just what it needs and the extra stuff can then fall away because it is just extra. And then being happy becomes easier. Is that the idea?

Yeah, the more that you strip off the false— the false you, you know, that you became because everybody told you to be that way. And that was, so here's, here's how you get happy. First, you go get your college degree, then you get a good job. The house, then you buy the cool sports car, then you blah blah blah, you know, and that doesn't work for everybody. Maybe for some people it works for a little while, but suddenly you want more depth, especially after you become a mother. It's like, it's— that doesn't— yeah, it's like so empty. It's just so empty when you finally become a mother and you realize how unimportant all that stuff is.

Yeah, well, midlife crisis is a thing for both men and women. They're going through periods of time. And even after, if this is resonant, as a person who listens to stories all the time, I hear these similar stories even from young adults who've just graduated from college and they feel a little bit lost. I've been told I need to do this to be happy. I went to college, I got my degree, but now I'm out of school and I really don't feel like I'm living my purpose. And what is that? Like, the words don't seem to— have any history to them. No one's given them this information. I'm hoping that we can raise the awareness of what's possible as opposed to just doing what society thinks is normal.

Yeah, so doing what society thinks is normal— if you look and you actually educate yourself about what's happening in the world, what you see is that what society thinks is normal is leading to Water being taken away from indigenous people around the world, bottled up in Nestlé bottles. Oh, did I say that?

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, I did. Yes, you did. I mean, jungles being burned down, which by the way have beautiful medicine, natural medicine to heal a lot of things without, you know, somebody tinkering with it who thinks like, I'm so important, I can tinker with something and make my own solution. You know, the fact of the matter is we live on this amazing planet that is a consciousness that is filled with medicine, natural medicine. It already exists. We don't need to, you know, recreate the wheel. We don't need to recreate something that's already been created. The only thing we need to do is get in harmony with it, get into alignment with it. And when we're in alignment, we won't have dis-ease because we won't be out of sorts with the planet that birthed us. I mean, we're made of the Earth. I love— people think that the Earth is something separate, like it's a floor.

Right.

It's not a floor. Your whole body is made of Earth. You wouldn't even be here if it wasn't for Earth. You think you can go to another planet? You're made of Earth. How are you going to survive on another planet?

There's a conversation from NASA, and they're talking about how when humans spend too much time in the outer orbit away from the resonance of the Earth, then we get mental illnesses pop up, physical illnesses pop up. There's only a certain amount of time that we can be away from the physical Earth. We are part of each other.

Yeah, we're— our whole body is made of Earth. So yeah.

Stardust. We're all stardust, so is the planet, which is really cool to come to that conclusion and realize that all is— the all is one theory. The, you know, we're all part of each other. And just like you said, water holds memory, and every time that water passes through us, it's a reminder that it is a closed system. And all that makes sense to me. So I love that. And I just want to— I want to wrap up a few things and say you've written some books. You're one of those Overachievers like me. And I want to make sure to mention them because if you like this story, if you like this conversation, you're going to want more of it. So you want to look for the books. Are they, are they on Amazon? Where can, where can they find them?

Amazon. Yes. So if this speaks to you and you want to know more and you want to go right to the gusto, well, yeah, right to the gusto.

Yeah.

Okay. So depending on where you're going, well, let's start you off. My story began with Awakening to Me: One Woman's Journey to Self-Love. And that's on Audible and it's on Amazon. And that tells you the early parts of my awakening to all of this. It talks about, you know, sort of the pit of despair I got myself into. And then the awakening process and how I started realizing all of these things and finding alternative healing. Then the book I channeled last year is called The Second Wave. And it's called The Second Wave: Transcending the Human Drama. And that one is for anybody that feels a call of purpose. Like, you feel like this is something really important happening on the planet right now, and I want to be part of it. And I want to remember what I'm supposed to be doing before it's too late. I want to do that thing. So check out that book. It gives really good information. And then the new book that's coming out, it's on preorder right now, and you can get chapters 1 and 2 of it. That is called Love Is Fierce: Healing the Mother Wound. And the mother wound, as you might guess, is not just the wound with your biological mother. It's not just, oh, all the ways that she trampled on you as you were growing up and without even realizing it, right? Poor mom.

We blame her for everything.

Blame her for everything. So it's not just about that. And for those of us who are mothers, we're like, oh goodness, one more book. Do I want to read this book? Yes.

Yeah.

Yes, it's really powerful actually. And it'll really save you a lot of headache that you might be putting yourself through right now with all your mistakes. So this book is really helpful for that. But it's in the bigger picture. It's healing the wound with our own Mother Earth. It's really reconnecting us to the Divine Mother, Mother Earth, and realizing that we can't live without her. We actually really need her. And we need to be grateful, just like any mother, Mothers work best when you're grateful and you listen and, you know, you support and you're there. I mean, mothers work really wonderful with gratitude. And so the same with our Mother Earth. So we are— this book is really powerful. You can get the first 2 chapters at motherwoundbook.com. So you want to definitely put the book there, motherwoundbook.com.

Perfect. And we're going to put that link in the show notes page. So you're going to be able to see that when you go into your favorite listening application for podcasts. So motherwoundbook.com, and then more about Carrie will be there. So I have one final question for you. What do you feel is the most important thing to remember when searching for answers?

The answers are inside of you. And I know you've heard that a million times. You're like, and if you know it, you know it. And if you don't know it yet, you're like, why do they keep saying that? It's so annoying.

It can be when it feels elusive. But yes, it's the truth.

It's the truth. But it's so hard to know that truth when, you know, you're not tapped into your own intuition and yourself yet. So yeah, it's frustrating. I get that. But really, honestly, the answer is inside of you. Your body will tell you. You're, you're, you know, think of it this way. You're on the earth. You're made of earth. We're in earth school. Mother Earth is your teacher. She made your body for you so your soul could come into it, your spirit, your essence, your, you know, that thing that leaves when somebody dies, that's you. And you're coming into this form and it's telling you that something's not good for you. If your stomach's upset, it's telling you something's out of alignment. You know, if you have a headache, it's telling you something is out of alignment. So you listen to your body, ask it, why is this headache here? Why is my stomach upset? You can learn to use your intuition and tap in, and your body is your greatest guide, is your navigation system. So really, the answers are inside, inside your body, inside your spirit, right inside of you.

Beautiful. Thank you. So thank you for being on the show, Carrie. I really appreciate it.

Thanks for having me.

Absolutely. And thank all of you for listening in. With our guest, Carrie Honingbird, today on When Doctors Say We Don't Know. This has been an engaging conversation, and I'm hopeful those of you listening will hear a message of hope so you too can turn your experience of pain into triumph. If you're driving and can't click on the links to the show notes, remember you can always hop onto theelevateinstitute.com and follow the podcast links for today's show. There's more to talk about. Tune in next week to our episode of When Doctors Say We Don't Know. This is Eva Vennari reminding you to question everything.