Birthdays After 40 | Happy 60th Birthday

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What are you waiting for? Good night. Do you remember when birthdays were all slumber parties and phone-shaped cakes? Was that just me? What are your thoughts on birthdays now? Well, we couldn't wait to be older once. I'm curious how some of the birthdays now feel. First, there was 10, you know, double digits, yes. And 13, of course, finally making it to teenagehood. Then 16 for the license, a new decade at 20, and oh so adult. Well, welcome to a little peek behind the curtain at Flipping 50, and where I will ask our Community Coach, Karen, what turning 60 felt like for her, approaching it, thinking about it, and what you would've thought. You thought at 20 or 30 about being 60 and what you think now? All these questions and more are a part of this episode. So if you got a big zero birthday or maybe a double nickel or a 5 birthday of any kind, tune into this one because we actually just unpacked a few things. And I think really what I'm giving you or gifting you Karen did to me by giving me her time is a real sneak peek about the who behind Flipping 50. These are the kind of people that are answering your questions, and they're really just like you. So I wish you could come over, sit on the porch— well, maybe not today— sit inside with a glass of iced tea and be here with us. But since you can't, this is Debra Atkinson. You're listening to Flipping 50, where I address your top struggles and concerns, and mostly we hope I hope to inspire you to expect and demand something very much better than we've ever seen before about how we age. I share what to eat, how to move, and how to change your mindset so you can have the energy and vitality that you want, need, and deserve in this, your second and better half. And my guest today is our Community Coach, Karen. She's a retired educator and Flipping 50 Community Coach. She's a passionate advocate for healthy living and active aging, and you will hear why as you listen. Throughout her career as an educator, Karen witnessed firsthand the impact of healthy habits on overall well-being and longevity. After retiring, she dedicated herself to furthering her knowledge in the field of fitness and wellness. As a Flipping 50 Community Coach, Karen leverages her expertise to provide valuable guidance, support, and practical strategies to women flipping 50 hot Not Bothered who are looking to optimize their health, fitness, and overall quality of life. Karen, thank you so much for coming on, for kind of being in the front of the room instead of just in the back.

My pleasure.

Well, and you had a big birthday, and that was really what prompted it because I've been wanting to dig into that. I think The zero birthdays are big. I think sometimes the, the five birthdays are also kind of big depending on who you are and what else is going on in your life. But happy birthday, by the way.

Thank you.

So were there any special thoughts leading up to this particular one, like days and weeks leading up to it, or even the year? I know, I know I'm kind of in that moment where I'm thinking Wow, I gotta get ready for this.

Yeah, in fact, I think that's probably in my life in general has been the case. It's been the 9 that is harder for me because the 0 is around the corner. So yeah, it is a year of reflection and a year of, you know, wondering, wow, what— where did this go so quickly? So But it was, you know, I don't really feel any older obviously than I did a few weeks ago, but I didn't go forward kicking and screaming. But I did, I have reflected a lot on how, where did life go so quickly? I know I still have a lot of living left, but wow, 60 years, how did that happen? So yeah, a lot of reflection on that.

Do you remember back when you were in your 20s or 30s even thinking about like somebody that you knew or what it would be like when you were 50 or 60 or 70? Do you remember what your thoughts were?

You know, I kind of had, um, I think maybe a different perspective on aging a little bit because my mother was 40 when I was born.

And so we have that in common. Yes.

And so you, you've had probably very similar experiences. So when I was 20, my mother was my age now, and she was always a very active person. She didn't do a lot of exercising, formal exercising, but she worked full-time. She would come home and, and immediately put in laundry, feed the horses, go out and work in the garden, mow the lawn. And I remember her as a child, she was always, even though she was the oldest mother in the neighborhood, she was always the mother who was out playing baseball with us or out playing kick the can with us. So it warped my sense of age, I think, a little bit, gave me a really good perspective on, wow, you, you can be older, as my mother was older, and still be very, very active. Um, and so I didn't really ever think of 60 as old because of my mother's example.

Were you aware when you were younger that there was a difference between, like, your friends' moms and your mom at all?

You know, actually, sadly, it took me until I was a little bit older to realize that I actually had a, you know, my mom was really cool because I remember vividly in first grade, we were going to the zoo on a field trip and my mother was one of the parents who was chaperoning. And I remember all of the kids asking me if she was my grandma.

Oh.

And that made me feel really badly when I was 6 years old. You know, I was a little bit embarrassed, but But then I started watching my mom and how much more active and involved she was in our lives than the younger moms. And then I was, you know, I didn't care. My mom was a great mom and she was— she played with us. And so in the end, it didn't matter to me. But I do remember that moment.

Yeah, very cool. Can I ask, were your parents matched in terms of age? Was your dad about the same age or older, younger?

Well, kind of a complicated life like yours, Debra.

Aren't they all?

Yes. My father passed away when I was 5.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

And my mom had 8 children.

Wow.

So, um, yeah, that, that made a little bit of difference. So she did marry when I was 10. Uh, she married a gentleman who became a great stepfather to me. But he was, I think, 2 years younger than my mother, at least 1 year younger.

So good for her.

Yeah. Yeah. She was a cougar.

She was setting the standards. I love that. So my mom, you know, the story I've probably told more than one person, but my mom— so I was— had an older mom to begin with, was the youngest of 4, and she married somebody 10 years her senior. So my parents hung out with the grandparents of my friends and played cards with them, played golf with them. So it was, yeah, it was different for me. And I sometimes felt a little outside of the loop that my parents weren't, you know, because it seemed like all my other friends' parents also were good friends and, and they did things together. But my parents were a little different.

So, so your mom actually became older instead of him becoming younger.

A little, yeah. And honestly, she, she always picked older friends. They all died. I said, Mom, you've got to start picking younger friends. And we were able to laugh about it, but she sadly said goodbye to a lot of people. Yeah, yeah.

You know, that's kind of where I am in life too. All of my friends are older. I don't know why I've chosen them as my friends. Maybe they're wiser, you know, they've lived more life, so they're, they're good mentors to me. Yeah, but all of my friends are older as well. They're all in their 70s.

So what do you think now? So we've been kind of looking at when you were 30, what'd you think of 60? What if we flip it? What if you think now about when you're 90? I mean, it's an equal time period, but what does it feel like when you think of it that way?

Wow. Yeah, a little bit, a little bit scary.

I mean, all your friends will be 100, but yes, I will be friendless.

Um, you know, it is a little bit frightening if you let your mind wander that direction. Mm-hmm. But at the same time, I think that we now know what we need to be doing. We now know, you know, so much more, and we have so much better science and medicine than we did. But my, my mom, like I told you, my mom was a great example of being really active. She, she didn't retire until she was 75. She worked full-time as a nurse. And, um, the unfortunate thing was when she turned about 80, she would complain that her feet hurt. And so she quit doing anything. She sat down on her chair. She quit gardening. She quit mowing the lawn. She quit going out and playing with the grandchildren. She just sat down in her chair. And I, I would buy her— I remember buying her exercise in bed videos. I think she thought it was naughty. Um, but I bought her, I bought her DVDs and, and some light dumbbells and helped her know how to turn that on. And she never did that. She never did it. And I also bought her one of those little bicycle kind of things that you sit in and move the pedals like if you were on a bicycle.

That was like early days of infomercials.

You could get those. Yes, yes. But I thought anything to get her moving, and she never did. And it was, it was very sad because she went from being just a such an active person to, to someone who never moved from her chair. And so her health began to decline. She began to atrophy. She would fall frequently and didn't have the strength to get back up, so we would have to call the paramedics to get her up, which would mean that she then had to take a trip to the hospital. It became kind of a vicious cycle, and I really do believe it was because she sat in her chair and, and didn't move. So I think for me, looking at 90, my mom was both a good example of being active, but then also a non-example of what to do as you age. So I've decided I'm going to be more like Ruth Bader Ginsburg, and I'm going to be in there even if my weights, you know, at that point are only 5 pounds because my joints are, are fragile. I'm still going to be out there weightlifting and staying active. And, and I, I always want to hear your voice in my ears reminding me to do my strength training. And I, I really do think that my life would be much more fulfilling if I do that. So yeah, so, you know, as far as that, as far as health goes, plus the other thing I I've considered the last year is, um, as I watched my parents age and, um, my husband's parents are now aging, we tend to get a little bit stubborn as we age.

Who, me?

Yeah, who? And, and so I've— I plan in the not very distant future, and I know I have a lot of life left to live, and this, what I'm going to talk about, is a long way down the road, but I'm going to write myself a future letter. I'm going to write myself a letter to my future self.

That's so good.

And I want to remind myself what it is like when parents, you know, refuse to do certain things. Like, I'm going to remind myself if my children feel like it's time to take my car keys away I need to realize they're doing that in my best interest and that maybe I'm not seeing all there is to see as far as my lack of abilities in driving. I'm going to, when I get farther down the road, I'm going to, and I know where I'm going to live because as you know, I move around a lot, but I'm going to find my own care center. And not that I ever want to end up there, but if I find my care center and I put this in my future, my letter to my future self, hopefully my children won't feel so badly if that— if they feel like that's where I need to be.

Wow.

So that, that's my plan in the next little while. I just think that we, we children of aging parents feel guilty and they become stubborn and it ends up causing conflict. And I, I'm hoping that through a letter to myself, I can reason with my future self. That's, that's my plan.

Wow, I love that. And so many, I think, are thinking about— more recently I've been thinking about, you know, my son is engaged, so he's gonna be married and It'll be— it's a long engagement, but I keep thinking about pivot points, and I'm not intending to go anywhere either, but I mean, we never know. We've, you know, we've all at this point seen some kind of tragedy, and I keep thinking there's so many things I want to say to him, but when we're together, it just feels like this is too heavy. It feels like this is— he would just roll his eyes, but I want these things in writing. I want I want him to have these things to read, to feel. And I've been thinking about that. But when you said write my future self, I've never heard that and I love it. So that was the mic drop moment, I think, for today. So thank you very much. I hadn't counted on that. We most definitely, I think, should take a look at that. I'd love for anybody who's listening to this or sees the post, comes back to it to let us know if you've done that. I'm— such a great idea. Love, love, love. What would you say right now? So 60-some years on the planet, if you look back, what are the— some, some of the biggest ahas in your life so far? Or the— and you may have hinted at one already, just about how long it took you to be aware of your mom was older and that kind of hit you, but then she was actually maybe more youthful, you know, than some of the other moms. What else is a— like, this is how I deal with life now differently than I, than I maybe did in, in my 20s or my 30s?

Well, I think there are, there are several things. My husband and I were just talking about this. And, you know, some of them I probably won't say on this podcast.

Yeah, yeah.

But, you know, I think, I think one of the things that I've learned from you about my health is that everybody has a different body. And, you know, we can read all of these things in a magazine or a journal or online, wherever we're reading. And and try to adopt them, but they're not right for our body, for our particular body. So one of the things that I've learned most recently is that even food that is healthy for some bodies isn't healthy for my body. And I've been dealing with that the last few months, and I finally realized what those things are and why they aren't healthy for my body. Um, you know, and, and many of them are, are things that every, every article you would read about how to be healthy will tell you to, to eat.

Um, okay, if I don't interrupt you and say, what are they, listeners are going to say, I would have liked to hear more. They're gonna— I know they do this.

So for me, um, I, I had— I did the 28-day kickstart from the cafe. Yep. And I did the elimination diet, and, um, I felt pretty well. I also simultaneously did a food sensitivity test, and I had 34 foods, which to me was a phenomenal amount of foods to react to. And so I removed most of them. Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt.

No, I was just— well, it would have been me interrupting, but was that a 90 food test or a larger?

It was the larger screening.

Okay, okay. I was gonna say that was a high proportion if there was— yes, okay.

Yeah, that would be a third.

I know.

So, um, so, but I couldn't ever really figure out what the common denominator was between all of those foods, except that when I was a vegetarian, I had eaten most of those foods frequently as my protein source. And that was my common denominator. I felt comfortable with that until about last September when I started having some really serious gastro issues and ended up in the emergency room. I ended up with a, an emergency colonoscopy. And I still felt terrible and no one could find out what was going on. And like many, I'm not going to say all, but many gastroenterologists, their focus isn't on food. Their focus isn't on what runs through our gastro system. You know, so they would just tell me to go home and find a balance between stool softeners and laxatives. Oh, and you know, and, and I remember— let's get really gross here— I remember saying to him, so you want me to take a laxative? What's going to happen when I'm 90 and I have no muscles left down there? And he just looked at me like I was a little bit on the crazy side. So I, I still continue to do elimination, eliminate, you know, eliminating foods., and, um, I'm not going to name any particular product, but I discovered that, um, that amino acids were my problem because they were made from pea protein. And then when I started studying pea protein, it led me to lectins. And as I looked back at my food list, they were all high lectin foods. Yeah, so it's been a couple of years, you know, really trying to eliminate and really studying, um, but I've now found it. As soon as I eliminate— eliminated essential amino acids made from pea protein and was very good at eliminating those foods that were on my food sensitivity list, I feel 100% better. So, wow. So, you know, in most of those foods— tomatoes, cucumbers, zucchini, any kind of squash— those are all things that we all consider to be healthy foods.

Yep.

But they're not healthy for my body, right?

So, and, and to go just one step further, not healthy for your body right now.

Right now, right?

Yes. Even if been fine with them before. And I think this is something that a lot of women in midlife— your gut is very close to your hormone production, and the two together, you know, when hormones begin to change, the gut significantly can change. Something you did tolerate, you may not.

Yeah, yeah. And I didn't think, you know, there's, there's a lot of research about stress and its effect on hormones and your hormones' effect on your gut. And as you know, I'm going through a particularly stressful time right now. And you're right, I think, you know, once hopefully this situation becomes resolved and my stress level goes down and my hormones even back out, then maybe I can introduce some lectins back into my diet. But, and I, and I think that's another One of the things you've asked me a couple of times is, how's your stress level? And I always say to you, I don't really have any stress.

Yes.

But I now have some stress.

Yeah.

And it's really amazing all of the things that I'm discovering that stress impacts. I mean, I was an elementary school principal and a middle school principal, so I know stress.

Right.

But, but I've been retired for a long time and I think I've forgotten. Um, you know, just the effects of stress on your body. I, I went to my doctor to talk about my hormones, and she asked me— she looked at my hormone panel and said, what stress do you have going on? Because everything has changed. Which I thought was fascinating. I didn't realize that was going to upset my testosterone. Yeah, you know, it just is amazing, the effects of stress on your body. So I need to, going forward, I've started meditating and trying to use, you know, that to alleviate some of the stress. I can't get rid of the stressor right now, but I need to do things to address that, that's that effect on my body.

So, so good. I'm so glad you mentioned that. And I also, just for listeners, I think it's so important to, to gauge. I mean, there are times in our life where I think we can look at Yes, I know I've got a lot of stress going on. But there are other times when we think, oh, I'm not stressed, because maybe it's self-imposed. Like, you love running and you've always loved going for an hour run, but at the time when your hormones change and estrogen, say, has come down recently for you, your cortisol level goes up. And that means that the same load and level of stress that we impose, self-impose, or collectively have from other sources, it all becomes too much. And we can't necessarily filter it really well for ourselves. And this is where, where lab testing does come in handy, because we can't gauge it. It's where our trackers can be helpful. Like, how well are you sleeping? How deep are you sleeping? I every once in a while I'm wearing a Garmin on my wrist and it's kind of a new one and I don't like her. She talks back to me. So I will be, you know, starting a walk and she'll say, oh, good performance level. Like I'm at a +3 and I'm like, oh, go me. And then the next day it'll be like -1, you should rest today. Or in the middle of the day, you should take a few deep breaths. And I'm like, I'm in the middle of a weight workout. What? Is the matter. But it may be that, you know, that day the weight training that I'm doing may not have been the best thing because my body wasn't taking it on like exercise stress. And so just to give you an example, that it's no matter what, we can know better, but we can't always— you know, what is the saying? You can't see the picture when you're in the frame.

Yes, yes. You know, and, and I have, um, people ask on Facebook to us frequently, just tell me what my schedule should be, you know, tell me what Stronger program I should be in. Yeah. And, and so 6 months ago, I was very easily doing Stronger 4, which is one of the more difficult programs with pretty lengthy workouts. And I was doing it, I was feeling great, and then life happened. And now I do Stronger 7 for people who have adrenal issues. And, and I think that that's really important. I used to do HIIT 3 times a week at the same time I was doing Stronger 4. I know now, looking at, like you said, your Garmin, I look at my Oura Ring, I look at my ache in my back, I look at my, my, what my doctor is telling me about my hormones, and I know I need to change. So I no longer do HIIT 3 times a week. I no longer do Stronger 4. I do one that's much shorter. And so I I think that we all need to be aware of that fact that life changes and we need to make adjustments in our exercise for what our body needs right now.

I love that. Yep, so very good. And it is, you know, the number one question that we ask, and it's a coaching question because all we can do is co-collaborate. But it's how you feel. How do you feel, right? That's like the number one. You don't need a scale, you don't need a tracker, and In fact, sometimes those things are going to lie to you, but how you feel absolutely never does. So those clues— and I know we've been somewhat trained, kind of a little backstab of doctors, and we love you, you know, you doctors who are out there serving us best— but every once in a while, you know, it feels like someone's not listening to you when you get those labs back and maybe they're, oh, you're normal, they're nothing wrong, you know, and you still feel badly, do not ignore that. Don't go away thinking it's in your head. It's not. To keep looking for answers, I think, so good. Absolutely, absolutely. Okay, so it's, it's, you know, beyond halftime. You're in the third or fourth quarter. We all, we all know those are where the games are won, but we also usually push the accelerator because, you know, we want to do things we haven't done, see places we haven't seen, make things happen that we didn't. Is there any of that for you, thinking about from here to the finish line, what do you have to do yet?

You know, absolutely. Um, so my husband is almost 10 years older than I am. He will shoot me if he tells— if I— he hears that. Um, So I always tell the story that when he was in his first year of teaching 5th grade, I was in 5th grade. I wasn't in his class. Oh my goodness. I was not in his class, but I was that age. He hates when I tell that story. But so he is, he's almost 10 years older. And I think that's where my panic comes from is I think that we only have maybe 10 or 15 more years that he will be healthy enough to do a lot of traveling. And that's not very long.

Can I just say, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. I don't know that you want to put that out to the universe.

Well, I don't mean, I don't mean that anything's going to happen to him because he's very healthy. But I do mean he's going to get to the point where he says, I don't want to get on an airplane. That doesn't sound very fun to me. You know, he will live longer than that. He has great longevity and he's in great shape, so I don't worry about him about that. But I just think there will come a time where he doesn't want to get on an airplane. So one of the things we've always wanted to do is to attend all of the, the major tennis tournaments. So, um, We've been to Indian Wells a few times in Palm Springs. We've been to Wimbledon and the US Open. We had plans, we had reservations to go to the French Open when COVID hit. So we need to get back to that. I want to get back to that and I want to get to the Australian Open very soon. So those are two things that, that I want to do very soon. And for me, I've been to, to five of the seven continents traveling. And I've always had a goal to go to all 7 continents. And so that's something I, I want to do. Those are both really long travel days and kind of rough getting to Antarctica. So I knew, I know I need to do it when I'm younger rather than when I'm older. So something I, I need to do soon. But I think probably especially right now, I'm living close to my grandchildren. I only have 2 and I will always only have 2 grandchildren. But I think probably the thing that I have concluded in the last several months living close to them is I want my legacy to be that I taught my grandchildren to be kind and nurturing adults.

Hmm.

So that's, that's what I'm trying to do every day is just connect with them and nurture them and hopefully be an example to them about how to be kind, how to be nurturing.

So, so good. So good. Well, thank you so much for being here.

Well, you're welcome. It was kind of fun to sit down after you sent me those questions and, and really spend some time doing some serious reflecting, not just as I'm exercising and having some passing thoughts, but really sitting down and thinking about it. So Thank you.

Yes, of course. Okay, listeners. So what about you? So is there a question I should have asked Karen? You can leave that for us below a post where you're seeing us share this. That is a part of our team. You've seen a little bit behind the curtains about who we are, which I think is a very important part of maybe doing any kind of program with us or being a part of the membership, knowing who's behind the scenes and why, putting a voice with that coach who responds to you on Facebook. So I'm so glad we had the opportunity to do this. I like to know this: how would you like to hear who else is behind the curtain at Flipping 50 and why it matters to them to work here? I'd love to hear from you. If that would be fun, or would you like to hear from a Flipping 50 Menopause Fitness Specialist, one of our health and fitness coaches? Share your response with me on Instagram or in the Insiders Group on Facebook. And if you're not there in the Insiders Group, I'll put the link to that in today's show notes, and that will be, by the way, at flipping50.com.

Debraatkinson.com/birthdays-after-40.

What are you waiting for? Let's start flipping 50 today.