From Cancer to Coaching Women Through Change with Eliza Riley

What if you were diagnosed with cancer, got past it, 7 years later it comes back? And then what if after that, that was the thing that became the pivotal moment that changed what it was you did, and that became coaching other women through midlife changes? This episode is for you if you are overwhelmed with all of the small and/or big things that think we should be doing during midlife or menopause, and I think you're gonna love it. Welcome back, everybody. I'm Debra Atkinson. You're listening to Flipping 50. If you are an OG and listen regularly, we're so glad that you're here and coming back again. If you're brand new, this is a very special episode. So quite often I will interview somebody on muscle and on protein, on longevity, strength, maintaining muscle mass, on hormones, how they come into play, bone density, all the physical things and the things that really come into play in order to make physical fitness pieces that we talk so very much about work, like sleep or dealing with stress. And this might be dealing with stress, but this is really, I think, about the meta meta, and that is taking the things that you learn and actually turning them into actionable items in your day-to-day life. Because isn't that the secret to actually getting the results that something can bring? I think we're all bombarded right now with the best of the best in terms of more science coming out about women in perimenopause, menopause transition, or postmenopause, what we can do, what's possible for our bone, our muscle, for our aging. And yet implementing in the already very full lives that we lead, or potentially in the maybe lack of energy or the fatigue and the challenges with sleep that we may be trying to survive. There is that. So this guest is actually also a coach, but she has, and I think you'll sense this, a calm about her that is the absolute best way to know somebody's truly an expert and good at what they do. There's a calm confidence that she doesn't need to raise her voice. She doesn't have to talk loud to get attention because she's just somebody that you will listen to and believe based on how confidently she says it. I'll have some of that, please. So here we go. My guest today is Eliza Riley. She's a holistic health and menopause coach who helps women navigate hormone shifts and reclaim their energy through simple, sustainable life changes. Yes, please. She overcame cancer and she discovered herself the power of small, consistent habits to create big transformation. And now she teaches other women to do the same. She's the founder of Menopause and Chill and the host of the Holistic Menopause Solutions Summit. That is how we met. We'll talk a little bit about that at the end, but I think you're really gonna like this, especially if you're a woman who is stuck in overwhelm. But in this episode, I also ask a question about, um, something that my daughter-in-law had asked me about, and I love the answer that Eliza gave me. In fact, I, I welcomed her to coach me on what would have been what I suspect a better response. So in case, and what I would guess is you probably are in these situations too, more regularly than you know, but I think for all of us it will be helpful and insightful. So stick around for that, and then don't miss this because at about about minute 20 of our interview, she really gave a mic drop, and it is something that I think we're gonna repeating— be repeating over and over for a long time to come. Let's dive into this episode. I think you're gonna love it. Eliza Riley, thanks so much for being here.

Thank you for having me.

All right, we're gonna dig into the dirt right away. This is the way we roll. You know, you are very open about your cancer journey. Everybody heard about it in your bio, and it really reshaped your approach to health, and probably, I might say, to life, I would guess. Can you share a little bit about that experience and how recent or long ago was it, and how did it lead you to doing what you're doing now? Were you in the same vocation prior?

Sure, absolutely. So I was diagnosed with an aggressive cervical cancer in 2000, so about 20, what, 25 years ago now, a little more than that. And, you know, like most, I was in my mid-20s, like most of us. I went in every year for my Pap, you know, like you do, my birthday gift to myself, as we learned many years ago. I had done that at the time. It was, we were still supposed to do it every year. So I'd been doing it every year. And in February it came back with mild dysplasia. And I'm sure that there's lots of women who are listening who have had that diagnosis. You know that you hear that mild dysplasia. And so you know that the doctors will tell you it usually clears itself up, we'll retest you again in 6 months. And so I went about my life. You know, I was actually planning my wedding. I got married in June. And a few days before my wedding, I went in for that, for that recheck. And when I came back from my wedding, from my honeymoon, my doctor called me and said, you have cervical cancer. And because it went from mild dysplasia to full cancer in 6 months, I had a whole team of oncologists working with my— on my case because it was— they had never seen that. They'd never seen it. It's typically takes about 10 years is what they told me back then. To go that quickly or to go that far. And so everything was a whirlwind rush. You have to go get the blood work and go get the surgery and go do all of the things very quickly. You don't have time to slow down and really reflect on what's happening in your body. You just are doing what you're told and you go through it. And then You know, after everything that we did, all of the treatments and stuff, I got, you know, as hopefully you do, you have too if you've gone through this, I got the all clear. Now cancer's gone, I'm good. I can go back to living my life as I did prior to this diagnosis. But 7 years after the original diagnosis, it came back. The cancer came back. And I say that it came back as mild dysplasia. But because of my history, they, my doctors, and I was still working with the same doctor, he didn't want to wait 6 months. He's like, okay, 3 months, you got to come back in. We're going to recheck you. And so every 3 months I had to go back in for this recheck. And it's a Pap, but it's sort of an aggressive Pap smear because they have to really get in there and check for cancer cells. And because my cervix had not healed from all the things that they had done just a few years prior, it was very painful. It was one of the most painful experiences I've ever had to, like, just sit and deal with, you know, you just have to go. And then, and it was so stressful. I mean, first off, you know, here we are back here again and every 3 months I'm going in for this, for this painful procedure. And I would cry the entire way. It's an hour-long drive. I would cry the entire way home and just cramping and in so much pain. I did that for 18 months, 18 months of every 3 months. And I found myself stuck in this— I apologize. I found myself stuck in this wait-and-see cycle for 18 months. And then after that, with no real answers, because at that point they're like, well, it might clear itself up, but we can't do anything until it progresses. So you're just stuck. That last time I remember so clearly, after 18 months of doing this, I was headed home. And that's when I realized that something had to change. I trusted my doctor fully, but decisions about my care were being made by health insurance, by my health insurance, not by me, not by even by my doctor. He would make recommendations and the health insurance company would say, nope, we can't go that route. We have to go this other way to do this other thing instead. So I made a huge and extremely frightening choice at the time. To fire my health insurance and to go through this in a different, in a different way. I stepped outside of the system and really started listening to my body. I started doing a lot of research on what could heal cancer, what could heal my body. And I didn't know what I was doing because at the time I was not a health coach. I was actually working in finance. But I started researching holistic healing. I started taking that advice and making these shifts in my life and just slowly started reconnecting with myself and started really listening to what my body was saying to me because it was speaking to me through this, through this journey. And really, that's what brought me into the work that I do now, coaching women to trust their bodies and to find their own way forward, because I do feel that Symptoms are messages. They're our body telling us, hey, I need your attention right here, wherever that— wherever here is for you.

Mm-hmm. Can I ask how old you are?

51.

And, and I think this is so relevant because, A, number one, you're legal to be here, so that's good. Welcome. But it's also, I think, that for women in midlife we get to that certain point of awareness that it's exactly right. We've buried it. Like, our needs came last. We serve others. We feel really good serving others. We get some kind of juice and jazz because we do, and we put other people first, and we were just— we're just— it's part of our nature. But then there's this point where we get an empty tank, and then we maybe don't have the reserves to heal ourselves, or the reserve to, you know, as you mentioned, the art of stopping and listening. What do I really need right now? And we, we can't decipher that message. So how is it that you segued into coaching other women, or were you doing that, involved in it prior to the cancer starting? Where did that become, this is what I'm gonna do and I know I'm meant to do this?

Well, I think that, um, I think that as, as you mentioned, I think that most women are caregivers. You know, at that point in my life, I, I had children, I took care of them, I had my husband, um, and I was— even though, even in, in my jobs, I was not a— I was not in, in, in the health, uh, or the wellness space at all, but in my jobs, I was always trying to help people with whatever, you know, whatever issues, whatever challenges they were that came up for them. So I think that moving into holistic healing, as I learned, it just became— it became a— here I have this knowledge and I want other women to have it too.

Very cool. Your message of firing your insurance company, how well is that received or rejected by women? I'm really curious.

It's a very mixed bag. I would say honestly it's a mixed bag, but I would say most people do not see the value in that. I think that we have— again, it's the same type of thing. We have grown up, we've grown with this lesson of doctors know everything, do what they say, take what they give you. You have to have health insurance because you never know, something might happen, right? There might be some emergency that happens. And so you have to have health insurance. And I'm not knocking it for that. I'm not knocking it for emergencies. Like if you're in an accident and you, and you have to have something major happen, then it's good to have health insurance for that. But I truly believe that when it comes to your health, to your longevity, to what's going to make you feel good in your body today, tomorrow, and forever, the health insurance is not going to get you— health insurance companies are not going to get you there.

Mm-hmm. I so agree. And I think it's— if we could just separate that and say, okay, let's make the best decision for me, and then what does insurance say about that, you know, and is it going to support that or not? And that would change the game, I think, for all of us. Otherwise, we're in jail. Yeah. You talk so much about small shifts and the power of it. What does that mean in in terms of just putting it into practice, you know, in a, in a daily life where we have so many opportunities to think one way or frame our mindset around something in one way versus the other, you know? And how and why do you think that women so often overlook the little things that make the hinge a big door swings on?

Sure, sure. Well, I think again, it comes back to what we've been taught. We are so often taught that healing has to be this huge effort. Like if you want to clean any part of your body, you need to do this major detox or this total lifestyle overhaul. You know, when I think about healing or health, when I, you know, when I look back to being a, being a child, I looked toward— I had an aunt who was this sort of hippie granola type, you know, who, who only shopped at the health food store, you know, only ate the brown bread, you know. And, and now I think she'd probably be seen, be seen as pretty conservative. But at the time, she was just the wacko aunt who was really, really out there. And, you know, she always smelled like patchouli and stuff. So nothing against patchouli, but, you know, I, that was like the pinnacle of what health looks like. You know, that's what, that's what, you know, it had to be this like giant overhaul. Like you couldn't just eat healthy and be who you are. You had to become something different to be healthy. So, and I think that most of the, the women that I work with, they're already overwhelmed. You know, they're already struggling so much with so many things. So what they need is not is not an overhaul. They don't need to look like that hippie aunt. I mean, if you do, great. Like, I still think it's a great look, but they need something that's going to be more manageable. And that's where these small shifts come in. Things like just drinking more good water. You know, like, we don't even drink enough water, but really it needs to be the right kind of water. That's, that's certainly something to get into. But, um, something like going to bed 30 minutes earlier so that you're getting a good night's sleep. Something like, um, one of the things I, I think is so simple, we can all do it: stand outside in bare feet in the sun for 5 minutes every day. Like, that is such a simple shift, but it sends a powerful message to your body that says you're safe, you're supported. And I think we overlook these, these smaller things that we can be doing because they're not dramatic enough. They're not these giant detox things where you're like, I gotta feel miserable to feel good. Like, you really don't.

That is so good. There's so much to unpack here. I really love this topic. I feel like we could get in here and swim around for a long time. And I think that like the whole term biohack, number one, Before we jump in and go any further, a word from a sponsor, because if you're trying to stay hydrated, this is key. Did you know 3 out of 4 US homes have toxic chemicals in their tap water? Even though contaminated water looks clear, it could put you at risk for devastating health concerns including fatigue, hormone disruption, cognitive decline, even cancer. Surprisingly, standard fridge and pitcher filters do little to remove most contaminants, and Bottled water contains microplastic. So what's the solution? Introducing AquaTru, the countertop water purifier tested and certified to remove 84 contaminants including chlorine, lead, forever chemicals, and microplastic. Its patented 4-stage reverse osmosis system goes way beyond ordinary filters for pure, healthy water you can trust. No plumbing, no installation. AquaTru has been featured in Business Insider, Popular Science, and named best countertop water filter by Good Housekeeping. Join 98% of customers who say their drinking water is cleaner, safer, and healthier. Go to AquaTru now for 20% off your purifier using promo code FLIPPING50. AquaTru even comes with a 30-day best-tasting water guarantee. Or your money back. Take the guesswork out of pure, great-tasting water with this exclusive podcast-only offer now at aquatru.com. That's a-q-u-a-t-r-u.com using promo code FLIPPING50. F-L-I-P-P-I-N-G-5-0. The biohack is it an industry? I don't know even what to term it, but this biohack movement or trend, you know, it just seems like it's puristic. Like it's— I don't even know if that's a word, but I think I made it up. But it's like you, you literally got to be doing all the things, or, well, you can't do that. That's not biohacking because that doesn't fit over here in the the box that I think it should fit in. And you're so right. And, you know, we get ahead of ourselves and behind ourselves and from all different directions. I find we, we do this in such an extremist way. I think both in terms of— I'll give you an example, and I don't think she listens. I'm right now hoping she doesn't listen, but A young woman I know and love, total respect if you're listening, asked me very recently, what do you think about colostrum? And I was like, let's clean up the diet first, okay? Let's just not— let's unprocess the diet before we go down that rabbit hole. Or maybe think about a multi— high-quality multivitamin before we go to— I mean, There's so many things I would put before that. Like, where'd that come from? You know? And yet it's like, I don't know, did I give her the wrong answer? Because she was wanting to take a step in the right direction. So I'm like, well, is there a right or a wrong answer to that question? You know, because it begs— if I discouraged her, then I'm making it like, no, no, no, if you want to be healthier, this is the right way, and that's the only right way. And I'm like, whoa, maybe I need to apologize for that. Unpack that a little for me. What would you say to that?

Coach me, coach me. I honestly, if someone came to me and they said something like, I would like to try— what do you think of colostrum? I— that's something that I don't know enough about to be able to advise on, but I would say try it, and if it feels good in your body, then awesome. Like, in anything that, that someone is willing to try You know, we have to meet them where they are. So if they're not willing to change their diet, they're not willing to quit smoking, they're not willing to quit the, the six-pack of beer every week, like, if they're not willing to do any of those things but they want to add colostrum, like, hey, do the thing. Like, do the thing that you're ready to do. Do the thing that inspires you. Do the thing that, that you think this is going to make a change for you. And if it moves them even a, a minuscule amount towards health, then they may want more of that. So then that's when they'll come back to you and say, okay, so what now?

Yeah, I screwed that one up. Okay, so there's that. All right, so now I'm reformed. Um, but I, I really hear what you've said here, and I, I'm not sure I could go all the way there, but I do think I could have answered that differently with maybe a question on what are you hoping that it will do for you? Because maybe we start there with a list of things that would be the first priority if you were after that. And I think I would have answered that more easily if somebody had asked me an exercise question. It was just that, that one just threw me for a loop because it was just so out of the blue. It's like, well, wait a minute, I want you to stop drinking water out of plastic bottles. Let's do that first.

Okay.

Oh, well, thank you for that little pivot of coaching. But I want to point out what I just did there, and that was just as the midlife woman you are, most likely it may be daughters, it may be daughter-in-laws, or maybe that's not where you are, but you probably mentor some young woman. Maybe it's a niece or a colleague, somebody at work, and they are probably looking to you, and maybe that, that opportunity will come up. To maybe not make the mistake that I did. And we're, I think, there. And I think just being willing to say, how can I be a positive influence and keep the door open to those questions continuing to flow my way? Because I think that's the other thing I'm concerned that I wonder if my answer stopped that or not. Or, or did it keep the door open? Because I think that would be a concern. What would you say? Oh, I'm sorry, I just want to say I love that.

I love your idea of coming at it from curiosity, because I think we should always come at, come at anything that comes at us from a, from a place of curiosity. I think that's an excellent place to start from. But, but then also, I would, I would, um, I think that, you know, thinking on it more, I think that I would want to just say try it and then let me know what, you know, that bring them back to you so that they can, so that they can come back and say like, that didn't work, or that, or that, and now I feel amazing. Yeah, now I'd rather give up the, the, the other things.

So good.

Yeah.

What are a few small shifts that would make a big difference for women particularly who are on our listenership? They're in probably a stage of perimenopause or they're in postmenopause. What are those things, knowing that we're all dealing with a shift of— it's not just the hormonal physiological changes happening in our body, but it's also the psychological messy middle of life that we're in, in the cumulative effect of both. What would you— what do you say, what are small shifts that might be super helpful?

Well, I, I would say that, um, one of the, the biggest things that, that most of us need to be doing more of is supporting our liver. And, and I know that that is not the sexiest topic, but your liver plays such a huge role when it comes to hormone balance. You know, so many of us are struggling with symptoms of, of estrogen dominance, and, and, um, the liver plays a huge role in clearing out that excess estrogen so that we're not reusing the stuff that our body has decided to get rid of. Even something simple like drinking lemon water in the morning or eating more bitter greens or having a cup of like a dandelion tea. These small things, again, they're not— these are not huge changes, but when you do them consistently, your body begins to shift. And it's not It's, it's not about fixing everything. Like, it's so— it's, it can be so hard to know where to start, but starting anywhere is better than staying where you are. So, so it's not about trying to fix everything, it's about creating momentum in the direction of healing.

That, I believe, was your mic drop, lady, right? Yeah, starting anywhere is better than staying where you are. I love that. And I want to— I'm going to share one of our beloved community members with you. And so if you're listening and you know who you are, this is all said with love and respect. But we were once, very recently, at a small group meeting, and a group of women were there. And one of the women was asking for some help and support. Sleep was really an issue, and she could, she could see this. And as she was relaying to us her routine, and that's kind of where I probed her, she was in what we call the love seat, you know, hot seats and getting the coaching moment. And I said, well, what is your bedtime routine? If sleep is a struggle, let's just kind of talk about that and your wake-up routine. And she proceeded to go down and was still talking 15 minutes later about her routine. So you could see that there were many, many steps. But then I do this and then I do that and then I do that. And we could all see how her brain works. And we were exhausted listening to her be like, boom, boom, boom, squirrel. She was all over the place. And I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa. But I think we can easily get We take this small shift, but then we say, okay, and then I'm going to do that one too because that was a really good idea, and then I'm going to do that one too. Um, you know where I'm going with this. So how would you support someone who is in that, like, I'm really trying to make small shifts, but there's 82 of them and it's getting overwhelming?

Well, so don't start with 82. Like, that's, that's the big key. Like, really just pick 1 or 2, and, and then you, you get to a point where those— that 1 or 2, um, no longer feel like a shift. This is just what you do. Um, and so, and then you, and then you add to that. Another thing that you can do is, um, habit stacking. I'm sure you've heard of habit stacking. Yeah. So take something that you already do regularly and stack something healthy onto that. Like, if you, if you brush brush your teeth every day, and I hope you do, if you— if you're— after you brush your teeth, maybe you take, um, 30 seconds to just do some deep breathing, you know, just, just something as simple like that. Um, if you have coffee every morning, maybe you switch to having a cup of warm water with lemon first and really get your digestion going, get your, get your adrenals, um, and your liver and your gut all, all working, and then you have your coffee as a Yay, I did that thing. Here's my congratulatory cup of coffee. So things like that. Again, we come back to it's not about intensity. It shouldn't be like 82 things that you're trying to fit in before you go to bed. But it is consistency, picking a few things that are going to move you towards healing and doing them regularly so that you can start to feel the shift in your body.

Ooh, yeah, really like that. I think that has so much value. And so peeling back maybe some of those things, that long list of this is my to-do list before I go to bed, and realizing that, you know, if some of them are just habit, you can actually stop thinking about them. They don't have to be on that list. I love that. There's probably among our listeners, there's still, I think, a degree of frustration or fear Maybe frustration about what's going on now, maybe in not feeling they're in control of the weight or the body composition that they'd like to. And the fear about, will this get worse? Will this lack of control get worse? And/or what will it mean for me 10 or 20 years down the road if I'm this heavy now? Will I continue to gain weight if I listen to futurists, you know, predict what happens over the course of a lifetime. So that, so that women can kind of lean in and trust their bodies and trust that they can actually change the trajectory of their health and life. What would you do to help them move from that source of frustration to something different?

I think it's so important to, to, to even just name what you're saying. Like, I think so many women at midlife we feel betrayed by our bodies. You know, our bodies have really messed us over, you know, in the worst way.

Yeah.

Thank you. And so we don't trust— we don't trust ourselves to make the right decisions. We don't trust our bodies to do what it's supposed to do when we make the right decisions, you know, if we even figure out what those are. So the first thing that I, that I do is really normalize what they're feeling, because it is, it is so normal. It is so common. And midlife is so full of changes. And most women, most of us, I mean, I haven't met a woman yet who knew what to expect at this stage. And we didn't have these conversations with our moms and our grandmothers or even siblings. Like, we have older sisters who went through it before us. They didn't talk to us about it.

So I know, I— how rude, right?

You knew this was coming. That's the real betrayal right there. So you think that something is wrong with you when really your body, again, is just communicating with you. Like you mentioned earlier, Debra, we have spent so much of our lives caring for others and we are not the focus. We've not been the focus, whether the focus was our education or our family, marriage, kids, our careers, our parents. It's always something else. And midlife becomes a time when we really get to make the choice to put ourselves first because that's what is happening. Our bodies are saying, "Pay attention to me and stop." Because every time it's asked for attention before now, you've gone, "No, no, no, no, no. We'll get to you later. I've got too much else to deal with." So, this is an opportunity for you to stop fighting your body and start listening to it. And when you you begin to rebuild that relationship. And that would— that's what brings back your confidence. That's what brings back trust in yourself to, to figure out what to do and to, to, to have your body actually do the things to go, to go where you're wanting it to go.

So beautifully said. So many things and so many of your answers have been literally from a place of wisdom that I'm guessing that only your journey got you to. So first of all, thanks for sharing that, and thanks for doing what you're doing. But I also want to introduce— you're hosting a summit coming up, and so tell us a little bit more about that and what is your mission with the summit and what's unique about it.

Absolutely. So it's the Holistic Menopause Solution Summit, and this summit was really born from seeing how how undersupported women feel during perimenopause and menopause, as well as how many of the answers that we get are medications that don't actually address the issues, that don't actually make us feel better in our bodies. That so often we walk out of our doctor's office feeling not seen, dismissed, understood, dismissed. Yes, that's another good one. So the summit was something— it was created because I really wanted to bring something that would— that felt like a breath of fresh air, that, that is not about fear and restriction, but more about support, encouragement, and real holistic solutions. The speakers that we have for the summits are amazing. We have doctors, we have practitioners, we have coaches, we have women who've walked this road, and they're sharing tools that are actually doable. Not, you know, these huge 15-step protocols, but just, again, small shifts that make a big difference. And it's for any woman. This summit is designed for any woman who's thinking, I just don't feel like myself anymore, and they are ready to do something about it without spinning on the mainstream medical merry-go-round.

Wow, very cool. And by the way, everybody, I am going to— I'm partnering with Eliza, so I will be there too. And we have a link. If you have a mind like a steel trap, this is for you. If you don't, don't worry, it'll be in the show notes. But flipping50.com www.mssummit.com. So Menopause Solutions Summit, we'll just put 3 letters because your brain works better that way. So there's that. But we have that here, and the dates of it are December 1st through the 5th. Good time of the month to kind of dive into everything you, and, you know, take some time to do it. So talk about the layout of it. Daily, there will be how many talks? Just so women can do a little planning.

So it's a 5-day summit. Currently, there's going to be about 5 speakers each day. I'm still figuring out how many speakers, you know, there will be, but I'm shooting for 5 per day. There will be— you'll have 24 hours, you know, like to watch any of the summits that are available each day. And then you'll have the office, of course, the opportunity to own them as well.

Yes, so great. And I, I'm so excited for you in hosting this and for all, like, listeners and attendees, because I can just tell— because when you're a really good coach, you're also a really good interviewer, and you, you do it with the lens of what do I need to ask that my listener needs to know right now. And actually, that's funny, I just got chills. So literally, that's like a download But I think that, that is the beauty of being able to be in the seats you're kind of producing. Here's what I— if I knew all of this, what I would want to know. And so you pull all the minds in one place for someone to learn. So I'm so looking forward to it. So wishing you the best of luck. Everybody who's listening, if you're looking for something unique, you know, there are a lot of things that you can attend where you're learning about the hormones or you're learning about the actual practical application. But I would say this is one step deeper, which is what do I do with all of that information? Because we really don't need so much more information, but we need the application, we need the transformation that comes from implementing it. And to me, this conversation thoroughly illustrates that Eliza is— that is her gift. It's her secret sauce, is helping you take something and say Here's how I'll put this into action for myself. So thank you so much.

Thank you, Debra. I appreciate it.

Yes, and thanks for being here. Good luck.

Thank you. Thanks so much.