Sex and Sports for Women Over 40

Real quick, before we dive into this episode, I have a little sleep secret I want to tell you about. Look, sleep is crucial for your fitness, but it's crucial for just plain old everyday life and function. And I find I sleep great unless I have a migraine. And I've had more than my fair share since perimenopause all the way through postmenopause. My secret weapon was Blue Sky CBD sleep gels. Each gel contains 25mg of CBD and 25mg CBN for deep restorative sleep. Something about it helps to reduce inflammation, which I believe for me was key in helping me get to sleep. But the biggest thing is so many of the over-the-counter solutions, whether for sleep or migraines, can ruin gut health, and liver health. Neither one of those did I want to be problematic for me. So this option is recommended by healthcare providers worldwide and backed by thousands of happy customers, many of whom come from our Flipping 50 community. There is zero THC, so it's non-habit-forming. It's made by a trusted family-owned company that we all can feel good about. Third-party tested for purity and potency. And if you're interested, you too can try a sample for just $6. But even better, you can get 30% off forever with discount code FLIPPING50. That's FLIPPING50. Just go to flipping50.com/blueskycbd. We'll put that link in the show notes and you'll find it everywhere on Flipping 50 at My Favorites. What are you waiting for? Good night. Waning libido is common, but it's not the only thing to consider. In this episode— blush-worthy episode, by the way— we're looking at libido, sex, and orgasm all inclusively. And so buckle your seatbelts. If you're walking and you blush easily, just might want to know that in advance. Don't say I didn't warn you if all this makes you blush. It's audio only, and We're just talking. But if you don't have this discussion with girlfriends because sex talk is uncomfortable and you don't want it with your partner and he does or she does or vice versa, I'm actually sharing this podcast for exactly that reason. If you don't have the conversation with someone else, let's have it here, at least in a one-way street. Intimacy, including sex, is actually quite tied to overall health and well-being. If an integral part of your life is missing, but you're not inspired to discuss it, then maybe this is for you. It's still pretty PG-rated, so no worries there. I'm Debra Atkinson. You're listening to Flipping 50, where I address your top struggles and concerns. And believe you me, that In the last 10 years, as I have exclusively said, all right, we're focusing only on women in menopause. Although a large portion of my last 30 years prior to that was also working with them. I just didn't know I was doing all that research. I've heard a lot about the inner workings of relationships of my clients, not because they requested, but because when you're moving, We all tend to relax a little. Boundaries fade, and people get comfortable, and they begin to talk. It's one of the reasons that I love the fact that when my stepson was growing up, we had a boat. You spend hours on a boat with, you know, younger people, you have conversations you otherwise wouldn't. When my son was growing up, kind of through that same stage and age, he was golfing. We were golfing together. We were traveling to golf destinations. And again, you don't have conversations like that that happen when you're active, when you're in parallel play, the same way if you don't have some other vehicle. So I think it is so very important to You know, this is really a very, very important topic, and yet you may not be having it with anyone else, including your doctor or your partner, but also just girlfriends, because we don't necessarily volunteer that. Because here's what I've learned from hearing behind the scenes, and of course confidentiality never lets me disclose, you know, if I talk here to you about 'You know, I had a client who,' or 'I've heard something.' I feel like this is honoring you by giving you the feeling, hopefully, that you're not alone, and it's honoring them by— there's no disclosure of, of anything that would identify a particular woman in a particular circumstance. But I can tell you that this happens a lot and that this is a topic that I think is so very important. So Let's dive into this. It is just the one of the ways that we share here what to eat, how to move, and how to change your mindset so you can have the energy and vitality and maybe the intimacy that you want, need, and deserve. A European study conducted by a sports nutrition company in 2022 with expert opinions weighing in on the results from a professor of exercise science and two, the second individual was a sexual health educator, set out to find out how different sports improve sex lives. This study was conducted by a survey of 3,200 Europeans who play sports or exercise. Now, this was not specifically just women in menopause, so this survey was men and women of all ages, but I think still, you're going to get a good indication of how might this apply to you. Interestingly enough, several of the sources I found reviewing references for this episode were done by sports companies of some sort. And I point this out, meaning the surveys, their research, the polls, they were conducted by people who— companies behind sports products like protein powder or, or something else, an electrolyte drink, for instance. And I point that out because it's no accident. I mean, they are doing that because that means they're creating content that a lot of people will watch or listen to. That's just vouching for the fact that this topic is extremely important to people and that not everybody is having a great time getting it on. And so Everyone is looking for information. I think this is just illustrating a good example because product people want to make sales. In order to do that, they want more eyeballs and they know that this topic is a hot topic. See what I did there? All right. This is something pretty foundational to every human. Intimacy is one of those things that not only, you know, does it feel good and pleasure, you know, is important, but it also promotes healthy hormones like oxytocin, dopamine, serotonin that counter the effects of stress. So let's dive into this. Sex and exercise and sports participation. Exercise and sport can be a part of bringing this little bit of joy and connection back, or enhancing it if it's already present for you. I'll put in resources a few other connections that can help, but above all 100% transparency here, strength training may be a girl's or a boy's and a couple's best friend, as long as you're in the sweet spot. And yes, pun intended, I couldn't resist that one either. It's not football players. I mean, here's the funny thing. Notoriously, I was a PE major, so no one I think makes more jokes about PE majors than PE majors themselves, or at least back in the day. Now, no longer is there such a thing really as PE majors. I don't think even, you know, those who want to be elementary PE teachers are PE majors. You are a kinesiology major or you are an exercise physiology major. You might be a health promotion major depending on your university and the college within its name and title. But notoriously, wrestlers and football players are all believed to be like the most likely to like have a lot of action, if you know what I mean. And I don't mean a tackle. In fact, in the poll and survey, they were the least likely to reach the big O. That confidence level did not carry over to the bedroom. They are the least confident in the bedroom. Interesting, right? Guess who is more confident? Golfers enjoy the most sexual activity among popular sports, followed by dancers and then, wait for it, weightlifters. More than 3/4 of golfers said the sport improved their O experience. Now don't make me say it, but I'll say it once. O is for orgasm, not for Oprah, okay? Golfers, and this is probably better golfers are very in tune with their position, body position, how they carry themselves. We call that proprioception, just knowing where your body is in space. I mean, at any given moment, golfers know. When you, when you go for golf lessons— I, I did it last year for 6 months, and I'm in Phoenix, so understand, you know, in Scottsdale, every course, you know, you walk across the street and there's another course and there's another, uh, golf academy, and I mean, it is by the book and there's a video and they're taking you on video and saying, here's me on video, here's you on video, do me. And I'm like, what? Like, I mean, there's 57 little moving parts, but that's how golfers potentially make this list. So all the little nuances, knowing the position of your heels, the weight on your feet, your knees, your hips, the angle of your your slight forward flexion through your torso and your spine, the turn of your shoulders versus your hips, the shifting of your weight or not shifting of your weight. They're so in tune with that. More so now if you compare it to, say, a football player, like blocking. I mean, that's just like taking up space and plunging forward, right? It's— there's not a lot of— what do say grace about that, and there's probably not a great deal of body awareness. Now, I will also say, I mean, do you remember years ago, and this has been— I was in college at the time— when the football players, maybe basketball players, but football players more so, began to take ballet? They were taking dance and they were improving their agility and, you know, ability to bob and weave through the lines of blockers by doing so. And less likely to get hurt because they were strengthening muscles that they didn't get to in the weight room. Some of those, you know, big muscles, yes, but global stabilizers, the smaller ones that really are very important. So their ability to affect results by changes that they make, I mean, they are extremely aware of that, golfers. But also because of that incredible awareness in any area of life spills over to awareness elsewhere, right? So if you're able to fine-tune yourself and control and manage your energy, your focus on the golf course, you can probably also stay very focused in other areas. And that being attentive may be another factor for golfers. Another one is dancing. And, you know, had I asked you to think about this, you might have put— if I put on a list, you know, let's look at football players and golfers and dancers, you might have put Dancers first. I don't know, rhetorical question, would you have? But dancing, provided it's not, you know, a waif-like ballerina, you know, thin as a rail, not eating, sacrificing her libido by starving in extreme discipline, is a very rewarding activity in terms of intimacy. And part of it is movements, you know, through the hips, you know. Unlike a golfer who, yes, you know, does have to use their hips— I mean, the best ones are very mobile, they're, they're strong, but they are actually very, very mobile and, you know, move their hips when they're supposed to move them, can rotate through and use the hips. But dancers also, of course, have that ability and are very in tune with it. Dancing fosters feelings of lust. Supposedly. This is from the conductors of the research, not me. Sensuality and sexiness. So, you know, if you think about it, I am going to kind of ask you to imagine the last time you were at a dance, you know. And for many of us, that may be— it was, you know, maybe some kind of a party at the country club for you, or for a lot of people, it was a wedding. It was a wedding reception. And, you know, when you're in those environments, there are certain people who always stay and always dance, and there are other people who always sit, always watch, or leave early. And part of that is comfort with your own body. So my question to you is, which are you? Are you the one who's always dancing, comfortable, could care less if anybody's watching? Um, because there's, I think, maybe another layer in there of people who go out on the floor, but they really are looking around wondering, is anybody watching me? Am I are they thinking I'm weird and dork, right? I think so. Think about who you are, and it may point a little bit— is there any crossover there with how comfortable and confident you are in the bedroom? The place to start then might be, if there is, you know, gaining a little confidence by taking dance lessons. There is nothing— there are a few things I will say— more sensuous in terms of dancing than dancing with a really great ballroom dance partner. I had that experience when I was— I was a dance minor in college. Now mind you, I came from a super small town. I had never taken a dance lesson before college in my life. So at some point my sophomore year or junior, I think, as I declared between junior or sophomore and junior years, declared myself as a a physical education major and a dance minor. I had to take some dance classes, so I took them all. And, you know, I was probably the— what are they— award might have they given me is like the, uh, biggest change, right? Because I had the farthest to come. Let me tell you, that was not far from the bottom where I started. But there was nothing like, you know, my senior year I did some show dances with a partner, and there's nothing like having a partner who could really guide you. And the ideal partner in a male-female dance— the male, his job is to make you look good and to help you be in the right position by guiding with his hand and slight pushes in the small of your back here and there, and they give you the direction that you need and they make you look good. And then it wasn't about looking good because I'm not saying I didn't even see it, right? But you, you're feeling it when you're in it and it just is magic. And, and so I, I can totally attest to this. And when you have a dance partner that it just works with, you know, you probably have something else with them as well. Those least adventurous on the dance floor floor may also be the least adventurous or the most self-conscious in the bedroom. The easiest place to start? Probably some dance lessons to help you get more confident in your own body. And you know, it's 2023. You can take those dance lessons in your living room. You could take them from a canned class. You don't even have to be live and on camera with anybody. So keep in mind, there's lots of easy ways to do it. There aren't many more things More essential than dancing with the right partner. So what was this quote? Do you remember this? The tango is a vertical expression of a horizontal desire. That was Jennifer Lopez's character in Shall We Dance that was featuring Richard Gere and Susan Sarandon, as well as Jennifer Lopez. If you remember, that's from a while back. All right. Stay tuned here. Let me give you some statistics about sex and specific sports. 78% of regular walkers report it improving their sex life. It might be that exploring new places, having new adventures builds trust, happiness, satisfaction that pays off in the bedroom. So consider this, consider getting off the beaten path. Some of you know that a week ago Saturday, as I record, I did a hike in the Grand Canyon here in Arizona. So some of you have done more than this, and I know because you've shared, which has been inspiring for me to hear from you. But I did a South Rim to South Rim— we went from South Rim down to the river and then back up another trail on South Rim, and the whole thing was about 17.5, 18 miles when it was all said and done. And it was just, you know, it was challenging, it was hot, and it was a phenomenal way to experience a part of this world that was just beautiful. And the light in the morning on the canyon was— I, I think it's something I will never forget. And seeing it from the top would be one thing, but to somebody who loves to move, nothing like it. And, you know, that was off the beaten path. But what does that do for you? Well, it, it makes you feel more adventurous. You think of yourself differently. So I would suggest this, even if you're walking in an urban walk, you know, try a different route. Go backwards the same route if there's not other choices. 81% of swimmers say swimming improved their sex lives, but only 44% are confident in the bedroom. Now I can attest to this. I'm also a swimmer. It comes in handy when you're doing a triathlon, because if you don't get out of the water, you're never going on a bike or run. But I sometimes refer to swimming as sensual, and sometimes a good swim is better than sex. It's just so easy, so fluid. It's just like you moving through the water, just as it's like cutting through, going past every curve of your body. It's something really amazing about it. Now, there's— some people would say there's no such thing as bad sex, but I don't know, there can be a bad swim. So there's that. But when you are really in charge— and I think swimming is a lot like dancing actually, because there is— you're, you're moving your hips from side to side. That's actually what helps propel you. You're, you're rotating through your head. There's a lot of just flexion and extension and turning, and it is like a dance, like skating through the water. So there's a lot to be said for that as well. Now, if you're— you don't have the skill set for swimming, it's not going to feel like that for a while. It's totally true. So you've got to overcome that gap, and then once you've got that skill down, or if you've done it before, it comes back pretty quickly. While women can enjoy watching football. Again, just to repeat what I said earlier, the benefits of that sport don't actually add up to the best results in the bedroom. Footballers are not all that confident and they don't climax as much as other sports participants. Interesting little fact. Running can have a positive effect on hormone levels, provided it's not too much. Endurance exercise decreases testosterone and increases cortisol levels, particularly for women. Now remember, it can also decrease testosterone levels for men that may not have the same— quite the same elevation of cortisol for men, simply because the reason it goes up for us is the loss of estrogen tends to make us create more cortisol because our bodies are really making an attempt to say, well, I'm going to create more cortisol and then I'll convert that to estrogen. It's, it's a really poor conversion rate, but it is kind of a body's attempt to do that. So you will have the opposite effect on your libido if you're running very much. So couples, about 80— or I'm sorry, 66% on average— couples that run together report a higher frequency of sex compared to those who don't run together. And that was a survey conducted by Brooks Running. Another, you know, point in my discussion of, you know, Brooks Running has nothing to benefit from doing a survey about sex except for what? They get more traffic and eyeballs on their website because they have a blog. And that just goes to show we're all very interested in this. More than any other sport, 90% of weight trainers said it had a positive effect on their sex life. What's the physiological reason that would be? Well, weight training not only improves testosterone levels— and again, we have to be fair, if you can do too much running, you can of course do too much weight training. You can wear yourself out, and obviously that would not be ideal. But I mean, from the get-go, comparing running to weight training, weight training stands to have a better benefit to testosterone levels. This is a really important consideration to, to make. We can boost testosterone much easier by doing weight training. Now, testosterone is not going to really be boosted by running, so we've got to be careful about that. But I will say that runners tend to have a little bit more Body confidence. That also can go skewing into the opposite direction, but it can for any sport, including weight training. Body dysmorphia, meaning you look in the mirror and you don't actually see what other people see. You see the 2 ounces of fat on your belly. You see the muscle group that needs lifting or building instead of the ones you've already worked on that are phenomenal according to 98% of the population. But any exercise can be taken to an extreme, to an extent that number one, you don't see yourself, and that you're not actually fueling and energizing yourself. You're breaking yourself down. That all— that is all going to make your libido decay more than any other sport. So again, 90% of weight trainers say it has a positive effect. So it improves testosterone levels directly impacts libido and desire, it also edges out yoga for support in cognitive function and problem solving, lending to decreased stress levels through enhanced resilience. Psychologically, no other exercise— or I'm sorry, I'm going to say physiologically because psychologically doesn't count, but physiologically, no other exercise will change your body shape. This is really important to distinguish. No other exercise will change your shape like strength training will. You can say do aerobic activity, we can give running as an example. If you're trying to lose weight, and I'm not suggesting you do that, it's not really the best approach. In fact, you may find you gain weight because of the cortisol elevation. But it may change your body shape or size if you're doing exercise without strength training. However, you'll be smaller version of your same self, carrying the same body fat in the same places, having the same kind of proportions. So if you're looking to have more waistline definition, have a little bit more curve through the hips and, and through the chest, you know, and be a little bit more hourglass once again You're really looking at your best friend when you're looking at a dumbbell. I have parting thoughts for you about sex and sports. One of the biggest killers of libido, sex, and orgasm tends to be a mismatch between fitness status of partners. Did you know that even if the couple doesn't do the same fitness or sport activity, those couples that support each other independently pursuing some type of fitness activity tend to also have a better relationship in and out of the bedroom. All right, I would really love to hear any conversation from you at all about this one. So you can DM me in Instagram if you're there and following. You can post a comment on the post on Facebook if that's where you're at. But we would love to hear a little bit of comment about this. What's your sport and what have you noticed? And if you've changed sports ever in your life— now it's a little unfair to say, well, in high school I did this and this. I mean, in your adult life, has there been something? And for those of you— it's too soon to tell— but for those of you who are playing pickleball Has that made a difference for you? And if you're playing with your partner, has that made a difference for you? What sports has made the most positive difference for you? I'll put the reference that I used, uh, the primary reference at least that I used, in the show notes. And those show notes you will find at flipping50.com/sexandsports. And if you are looking for a way to boost boost your libido via strength training, now is the time. We will be closed very soon, but the Stronger program is open for enrollment. Included in this Stronger bundle is the Stronger 12-week strength training videos plus access to the private Facebook page where our community coach and myself are answering questions every day for your entire 12 weeks. You ask us anything about an exercise, a substitution, a what if I have to be gone, what should I eat before, what about after, what about how much protein, all the things that are related and questions that come up. If we can't answer, one thing we don't do is play IE. I call that instant expert, not a good idea. But I probably have a friend who is an expert and I will refer you there. We'll put in also a link to some other episodes you might like. Sex and libido and testosterone are hot topics. I know, I know, I did it again. Sorry. So show notes again, flipping50.com/sexandsports. And I hope to see you in the Stronger program if I'm not already seeing you in a current Flipping 50 program. What are you waiting for? Let's start Flipped 50 today. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.