SOMEDAY is Not a Day in the Week, What Are You Putting Off?

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What are you waiting for? Good night. My guest today is a prolific writer and speaker, and just about anything that comes off her tongue is golden. I have with me just 3 of the titles, and there is one lurking here on my bookshelf somewhere that I'm sure I just don't know what color the spine is, so I don't know where But the book we're talking about today is this one, the title of today's podcast. Stay tuned. Although you may feel like this is a little less about fitness and your post-menopause exercise routine, I beg to differ. So it may be in fact that you're putting off getting in the best shape of your life, or at least the best shape of your life today. And maybe that is a part of doing the things on your bucket list, or vice versa. Doing those things on your bucket list may actually be the fitness motivation inspiration that you needed for yourself. Be your own white horse. My guest is none other than Sam Horn. She's the CEO of the Intrigue Agency. Her 3, yes, 3 TEDx talks and 10 books have been featured in the New York Times and presented to Oracle, Intel, Accenture, and to NASA. As the former executive director of the world-renowned Maui Writers Conference and one of LinkedIn Learning's most popular communication instructors, she helps people craft one-of-a-kind books. Talks, and careers that scale their income and impact for good. And I'm going to hold this up if you're watching as opposed to listening. This book is really for, yes, business owners, but it's also for you and I who may be retired, who may not be working or wanting to develop, but looking to scale down. But it's about being the CEO of your life and making plans that you love. Can't wait to dive into this one for you. I'm Debra Atkinson. You're listening to Flipping 50. I started this podcast over a decade ago to answer questions about fitness in menopause and beyond before you knew to ask them. The goal: to help accelerate your results with science and the practical application of proven protocols while living your best life. There's no more powerful health influencer in the world than a midlife woman, and it's not just about you but the 3 generations that you influence. My unique 40-year career, including being a university senior lecturer in kinesiology, an industry subject matter expert, and an international speaker, to founder of the first and the only exclusively made-for-menopause and beyond fitness membership in the world. Every week I interview experts behind the scenes and the the science of optimal hormone balancing, fitness, and longevity, and share answers to our community's questions so you can have the vitality and the energy that you want, need, and deserve. Well, look at that, we're twinsies today, huh? Yep. I have all the books from Sam, although I know that Tongue Fu is hiding somewhere on my shelf and I can't find it. And unless I go to Amazon and look at the color of the spine because I have a little mess back here. So there's that. Of all your books, I have to say I have a favorite, and maybe you're not supposed to have favorite as authors, but I'm gonna ask you that question. My favorite of yours is Pop, actually.

Okay.

But yeah, say something about that. How about for you?

You know, of course it's like asking a mother what their favorite child is. We don't do that. Although if I had to pick, and it depends on what someone's priority is, right? If they're dealing with a difficult person, it's tongue four, talking on eggshells. If they're branding or preparing a presentation or a website, it's POP. It's, it's, there's a book though I wrote almost entirely after 10 o'clock at night. I would put my sons to sleep and I would get into this zone where hours would go by and I wasn't even aware of the passage of time. And when I turned it into my editor, Jen Enderlin at St. Martin's Press, She said, "Sam, it flows like a symphony. I wouldn't change a word. And that's what's holding you back." Wow.

Wow.

Okay. What prompted you to write this one?

You know, I wrote "Tung Fu" more than 20 years ago. This was like, Debra, this was before social media.

Right.

You know, this was like before. Cyberbullying. You know, this was before Zoom calls, Google Meetups, etc. And so I realized I really needed to update that content, and especially snark has gotten worse. You know, it is— there used to be a modicum of respect in most interactions, and yet so many people on the front lines these days, they just talk about how rude people are, that they don't even consider them. You know, they're upset because their plane's late and they just take it out on the flight agent, you know, without thinking they can't do anything about it, right? So how do you handle those kinds of situations?

Ooh, wow. And I've learned so much from talking on eggshells. This is a little lesson. I need a little polish here. I think it's making me a better leader, better with me and my team. But this one has made me say yes in the last month more than I have, I think, in the last 5 years.

Debra, what I've seen is that it has reframed your work. I've seen you on your travels. I've seen you on top. I'm gonna get teary-eyed, Debra, because you are embodying the intent of that book, which was so many of us, we work 60+ hours a week and we're focused on deadlines and we're focused on our website copy, et cetera. And what you did is you pulled out and you got perspective about the true intent of your work.. And it is for women in particular to see their life as an adventure. You know, it's stop obsessing over the 1 or 2 pounds on the scale. And like, what is something that lights you up? And are you thinking you'll do it someday? And that's regret waiting to happen. You have role modeled to us how to get out and get active in something that is joyous. You're just beaming good health and joy.

Thank you so much. And I've had great tutors and mentors, and I think there's a reason for that I'm going to say something that you can say, no, that's not quite right. But this book, and then I read your bio and I was totally in awe of what you're doing next. But these feel a little bit more personal. I, you, you are an epitome of a storyteller. You always get personal and make it interesting. But these feel more on a personal level that anyone might pick that up. I don't have to be wanting to market my business. Is there a truth to that? Is there an intention to it?

I am so glad. Thank you for noticing that. And I'm speaking to individuals, whether it is with their relationships with their loved ones and their friends and family, or whether it's as a business owner, as an executive, as an entrepreneur. We've heard the saying, it's nothing personal, it's just business. Oh my gosh, it's all personal, Debra. It's like especially in an AI world, a digital device world where people are addicted to screens. I think we are yearning for individuals and leaders to step up and start personalizing our communications and talking about what moves us and talking about what we're proud of and talking about what we're looking forward to. And I think people are so hungry for that and someone's got to go first. Why not us?

So good. All right. You love quotes. Everybody loves to hear you tell your quotes and say them in this most prolific way that you naturally weave them into every conversation. I'm actually a little surprised nothing's come up yet. We're 5 and a half minutes in, so no pressure, but I would love it if you could share a few of your favorites and the ones that specifically point to how we can make the most of our lives right now, not putting it off, waiting till later?

Well, I think you know that that Someday Is Not a Day in the Week book and my Year by the Water where I gave away 95% of what I owned and I headed out on these adventures was prompted both by my son and something he said, and also a quote from Paulo Coelho. And Paulo Coelho said, one day we're going to wake up And there won't be any time left to do the things we've always wanted to do. And isn't that portray the profound power of quotes to say something in a soundbite that resonates with our soul? And we say this emphatic, yes, yes, yes. And it moves us from inertia to action. Now I've got a few more. Shall I roll those out too?

Yes, please. I want to hear about your adventure, the year by the water, but yes.

Quote me up, Scotty. And, and, you know, we both believe in quotes with context. I mean, we're not just rattling out great one-liners. We're thinking about something we're dealing with in our life and what could be said that maybe we haven't heard it quite that way before. That is just the right words at just the right time. So let's think about maybe someone who's going through a challenging time right now. How about this quote from Padma Shroden to put it into perspective? Nothing ever really goes away until it teaches us what we need to know. If there's a persistent problem, if no matter what we try, nothing's worked, we haven't learned the lesson yet. What lesson are we supposed to learn? And one more?

Yes, please.

Okay. Richard Branson said, time is the new money. And I think time is the new trust. And if part of our life or our work is that we have something we care about and we want other people to care about it too, the clock starts ticking the second we start talking, which is why I help people craft 60-second stories, which is why I help people in the first 60 seconds of a meeting, a Zoom call, or presentation, how can we hit the ground running and add so much value that people are motivated to listen instead of infobesity, want, want, want, want, want, want.

So good. And I want to weave this in here. So Sam was actually my coach for the TEDx talk that so many of you have heard, and we were in a crunch mode. So Sam, you help a lot of people, you may not remember this, but we only had about 3 weeks to dig in. I got 2 sessions with you and they were very generously much more than an hour. Thank you very much. But I do remember the second one in particular because I had just rehearsed it 4 hours on a bike and then we changed it. And I thought, oh my goodness, how am I gonna commit all this to the ability to make it look like I'm not memorized?

You know, Debra, well, first, thank you. And Robert Frost said, no joy in the writer, no joy in the reader. And I think no joy in the speaker, no joy in the audience. And so often when we speak, especially for important situations like this, we toss a lot of facts at people, we share our research and it's almost exhorting. And of course that type of like exhorting, people back away as fast as they can. And when we can think of an origin story, when and where we got crystal clear about something, when we became on a mission about something, when something happened and we thought no one should have to go through that, And if we can put people in the scene of that situation and relive it and re-experience it, the people in the audience are right there with us and they feel like it's happening right now. And now we have what's called entrainment. And entrainment is when we are one. And it's not with neck-up rhetoric and facts and logic and rationale and a listicle of to-dos. It comes from what you did which is putting people in the scene of a situation where you had an epiphany and you decided to do something as a result of it. Now people know where you're coming from. When you began to care, that's when they began to care.

Love that. Love that. I, okay, I wanna ask you this. So we're talking procrastination. What might you be putting off? For those of you who are listening here, I'm guessing you probably already have one by tuning in. But Sam, you wrote this book and you refer so often to your year by the water. And I wanna ask, first of all, tell us about that, but I wanna know if there was fear involved in doing that.

It's so ironic, is I'll jump to the questions I was asked on the year by the water, and then I'll go to the origin story of that. All my travels, whether I was swimming with dolphins or sailing the Chesapeake Bay or going to Monet's garden in Giverny, I got asked the same 3 questions. And the first is, don't you ever get lonely? Never. You know, a new friend is a smile and a good question away. The second question is along the lines of what you asked, how did you get to be so brave? And I never once thought of it as brave. I thought of it as adventurous, not dangerous. And then the third was, when are you going to settle down? Like this is some aberration and I'll do it for a little while, but then I'll get back to real life, right?

And was there any truth to that, number 3?

No. In fact, you know, Bilbo Baggins said, I am quite ready for my next adventure. And at the end of that year, I thought, well, let's see, settle is compromise and down is depressed. Why would I do that? You know, we can have the best of both worlds. See, I took my business on the road. I didn't put it on a shelf. You know, I got to do it in this incredibly meaningful way because I interviewed people around the world and I asked, are you happy? And if so, why? And if not, why not? And I noticed a trend in all those interviews. Do you know what it was?

What's that?

I remember a gentleman who was in his 30s. He had 2 kids, one with special needs, worked a full-time job, was married. And I asked him what his dream was. And he said, I don't dream anymore. It's too painful. Oh, you know, Debra, this is part of your work, is I think a lot of times when it comes to their fitness or their body or their weight or whatever it has to do with their health, a lot of times people are frustrated. A lot of times they've tried things that didn't work. They've been on the roller coaster. They're ready to give up. You know, they discipline themselves and then it don't get the results they want, etc. And I think you reconnect people with their dreams. And part of the message of Someday Is Not a Day in the Week is around this message of on a daily basis, we can do something that lights us up. It doesn't have to be, you know, going on a year by the water. It doesn't have to be going to Hawaii for 2 weeks or whatever. We can do a little thing on a daily basis that's more in alignment with our values And I call it, I did my half days. And then when we go to bed that night and we look back at that day, instead of frittering away our time and our talent and living in this state of postponement, we're making every day something that we're grateful for.

I love that. Absolutely love it. Hey, this is Debra Atkinson, and there is one thing one thing you can't do in the gym at your age, and that's get all the protein that you need. You've got to do that in the kitchen. To make it easy for myself, not only to get the protein but the fiber, the fruits and vegetables I want daily, I started drinking a smoothie a day 30 years ago. But when I realized all the junk, the sugar, and the extras that you don't want, that I don't want, hiding in most protein powders. That's when I finally caved in after years of saying I will never ever ever sell supplements. Stop skipping, skimping, and sabotaging yourself in the morning after workouts by always being prepared. Look, yep, I agree, real food first, but it's just not convenient to carry a turkey sandwich Sometimes the protein— and don't forget the fiber— they kill cravings and they boost satiety. And you've got to make it easy to do the right thing. You can use code PODCAST for 10% off your first order at flipping50.com today. You have a story about Walden Pond that inspires everybody who hears it and they take action on their dreams. Will you share that powerful story with us?

I would love to. I have an opportunity to speak on this with associations and on summits, et cetera. So I was speaking in Boston and in the Q&A, a woman put her hand up and she said, was there any place you didn't get to go to on your year by the water? I didn't even have to pause. I knew exactly. I said, Walden Pond. She said, you know, it's an hour away. Well, blow me over with a feather. I had no idea that Walden Pond was an hour away. So Debra, I actually applied all the lessons of the book. Is it, see, this was on a Monday and I had a commitment on Wednesday. Before I would've thought, well, I can't go because I have a commitment. Well, one of the things I learned is that often you can renegotiate the commitments and it ends up being a win for the other person. And for us. So I called my client and I told her the truth and explained the circumstances, said, you know, if you would like me to keep this on Wednesday, I will be happy to. And she said, no, no, no, Friday is better for me. Now I'm driving there and it's raining. And this little roomy voice said, get up and go in the morning. So I listened to that roomy voice and the next day I got there, there's only 3 cars in the parking lot. And a gentleman walks across the parking lot with a towel thrown over his shoulder. He's in his swim trunks. This is October in New England. I went over and I said, is it warm enough to swim? He said, it is if you go down to the COVID by Walden's cabin. It's more shallow there. Well, I trucked down there, and now I knew I was going to walk where Thoreau walked, and I knew I was going to write where he wrote. I did not know I was going to have an opportunity to swim where he swam. But I didn't have a swimsuit. It's October in New England. And I stood there on the shore going, should I? Should I? Should I? Should I? And then this voice said, clothes dry, memories don't. And I went in, Debra, and I can remember as if it were this morning, what it felt like to be in that water and to look up at that sky. And I'm asking everyone watching or listening, where is something— what is something that they want to do, but they're on the shore going, should I, should I, should I, shouldn't I? We'll never know standing on the shore. Go in. Chances are you will have an experience you will always be glad you did. Fantastic.

I love that story. So that brings us to— we have a lot of listeners here who are caught in the middle of life, which, you know, I think we've always said sandwich generation for boomers. Well, I believe that every woman who passes through 60 to— or 40 to 60 is the sandwich generation and always will be. But there are a lot of us, particularly women, people— but why is it you think we procrastinate? We have that list that comes right to mind, like, this is what I want to do someday. Why do we put off what we know is not only good for us, but maybe for those people around us if we win?

I think many of us, many women in particular, are so busy taking care of everyone else that we don't have time to take care of ourselves. And Debra, we see it as selfish over and over again. That young man who had two kids, one with special needs, why was he not— because he felt he had— it was irresponsible. Right? He had responsibilities. He had kids to take care of, had bills to pay. And hopefully this book transforms that story. I am not talking about only thinking about ourself and not taking care of others. Many of us do the opposite though. We put everyone else first. We take ourselves out of the story. And especially if there are mothers or grandmothers watching, please remember these words. What we accept, we teach. So see, if we are sacrificing ourselves, if we are taking care of everyone else and not ourselves, what message are we sending? What we're sending is that mothers don't matter. What we're sending is that women don't have their own interests or rights or activities. Is that what we want to model to our daughters? And is that what we want to model to our sons? Everyone I have talked with, every woman who has pursued something that lit her up, when you ask the people around them, they're glad that they're doing it, right? Because they're not being a martyr. They are role modeling that we each take responsibility for our own health and happiness. It's not selfish. It's smart.

Absolutely beautiful. I have a question about those people who maybe from your audiences ask the most questions. Is there, is there an age demographic? Do you find it's more older, more middle, more young, or is it equally people are curious about you taking that chance, having the courage?

What a great question, Debra. You know, I have not noticed an age demographic. What I have noticed is something along the lines of imposter syndrome. And it is, who am I? You know, it's like, I don't have a PhD. I'm not brave. I'm not whatever. And people let their doubts talk themselves out of what it is they want to do. And I've got a story that to me is the perfect reframe of never again suffering from imposter syndrome. Do we have time for it?

Please, yes.

I think you know I helped start and run the Maui Writers Conference for 17 years, and you could pitch your screenplay to Ron Howard. It was just unprecedented. Now, I was the emcee as well, so every morning I would go out on the beach and I would rehearse my intros to make sure I had them for the day. There's this woman on the beach crying, and I went over. I said, are you okay? And she said, I'm not okay. I don't belong here. I said, you don't belong here? She said, who am I to write a book? She said, it's like putting yourself up on a pedestal. It just kind of feels arrogant. I'm not perfect. You know, who am I to write a book? And I asked her what she wanted to write about, and she had adopted a child and it was very challenging. And she said, I went to the library, I went to the bookstore to try and find books to help. There are all these Pollyanna books about What a blessing it is to be an adoptive mom. They made me feel worse. She said, I want to write the book I need, I cannot find. I said, so what's an example of what you would put in the book? And she said, I would talk about the time Ari was 3 years old and I fixed spaghetti, and he reaches across the table and grabs a handful of spaghetti and throws it in my face. And my first thought was, My son would never have done that. Whew. I said, what else? She said, I would talk about how even though Ari is really challenging, when it's time to send pictures of him to his birth mother, I pick out the cute ones because I live in daily fear she's going to change her mind and want him back. And I said, Jana, the question isn't, are you perfect? Do you know what the question to ask is? Would someone reading my book benefit? Because see, if someone reading your book will benefit, not only do you have the right to write, you have a responsibility to write. You can go online, you can see Secret Thoughts of an Adoptive Mother. And I ran into Jana last year when I was speaking at the Hawaii Book and Music Festival, and she came up and she said, Sam, Not a week goes by that someone doesn't get in touch and say, I thought I was the only one. So if there are people are watching and they have some dream, but they don't think they have the right credentials or the background or whatever, reframe that. Who could benefit from you having the courage and the confidence to go for what you want? Who around you is thinking, if she can do it, I can do it? You mean I'm not the only one? You mean I'm not alone? It's— I think once again, we have a right and a responsibility to go after what lights us up because it sets a precedent that gives other people permission to do the same.

Beautiful story. Really beautiful. And some— somewhere, someone has a parallel to that. I'm certain of it. Okay, let's get to the good stuff. Your upcoming book. This was news to me, so I'm very excited. I need to know, how long do I have to make room on my nightstand? But your upcoming book is "Agency: How We Can Use Our Age as Incentive, Not an Excuse." You're speaking my language. I love it. Tell us more about that without giving it away. And how long do I have to, to make room for this one on my shelves?

Well, it'll come out next year. However, and this is for everyone who's an author or a speaker, I don't believe in waiting until the book comes out to share the information. So if you follow me on LinkedIn or subscribe to my newsletter, I'm sharing these vignettes right now because see, why wait until next year if maybe just the right story right now can motivate us to use our age as incentive, not excuse? So here's the backstory. I had the privilege— do you play tennis by any chance?

I know the game. I wouldn't call what I do playing tennis. Thank you.

Well, I bet we have some tennis players or pickleball players watching. And I had the privilege of working with Rod Laver, Grand Slam, 2-time Grand Slam champion on Hilton Head Island. And in our group, there was a retiree, and every time she would hit a winner, she would say, not bad for a 60-something. And I promised myself that I would never use my age as an excuse or as an accolade. And Debra, it's a little humbling because that has kind of crept into my vocabulary recently. In fact, I spoke in Washington, DC, and I met with a friend out at Airlie, which is a country inn out in the horse country of Virginia. And both of us had leg problems at the time. I had a knee problem. She had an ankle problem. And even though the main lodge was only a half mile, we were considering driving there. This is a very humbling experience for someone who used to do half marathons and play competitive tennis that I'm going to drive a half mile because, and we talked about it and we decided that we were going to choose agency. Now it's capitalized A-G-E, agency. And it is the opportunity, the ability, and the responsibility to improve what happens to us, around us, and by us. Now we can't control our age and we can lament it or have black balloons and so forth, or we can see we're not getting older, we're getting more time. And on a daily basis, we can figure out who and what matter to us and align ourselves with it and act on it. And to the degree we exercise agency over our life is to the day— is to the degree we make every day something that has no regrets, only results.

Mm-hmm. So rich. I'm very excited. So everyone, you heard that LinkedIn— we will put all the links in the show notes so where you can connect with Sam ahead of pub date so you get the inside scoop. And Sam, I have to share this with you. I had the privilege of being raised by a stepfather who, you know, he passed away at 87 in a very small town, and most of his friends by that time were gone, but the church was filled. He was the kind of man that existed in a small town community. No one had anything bad to say about him. He, he positively impressed everyone he was around. And I think you're maybe the second person in my life who, even if it's a nudge, you know, in the, in the opposite direction that you might be going, you have a way of delivering messages that everyone leaves you feeling better than before the conversation started.

It really means a lot. It's my dad used to say, since you're talking about your stepdad, is that my dad used to say, if someone gives you a compliment, it's always welcome. However, if it is from a peer and someone you respect and they pinpoint a value of yours, it's even more meaningful. So, you are a peer who I respect and you just pinpointed a value. And that is, I think we all have an opportunity to be a force for good. And that's part of what agency is, that there are things that happen that are not what we would like or prefer or control. And as Viktor Frankl said, of course, in his book, Man's Search for Meaning, we can react to it, we can make it worse, we can complain about it, or we can pause and get clear on the potential we have to make a difference for the people around us. And we go down that path instead of the other one.

Beautifully said. And where can all of my listeners stalk you? Because I know they're going to. Where's the best place to catch up with you?

I really think that LinkedIn, I'm on Facebook, I'm on Twitter, I'm on Insta and so forth. It's just on LinkedIn, I really share these posts. I was just out on a stream trail an hour ago and the world, my life is my lab. And when something happens, when I overhear a conversation, you know, and it gets my eyebrows up, I write about it in the moment and then it's my offering. And I love hearing back from people. Did this resonate with them? How are they putting this into practice in their life? You know, what's their best practice around this? So, I really hope that people connect with me on LinkedIn so that we can get to know each other and talk story about what matters.

So good. There you have it, everybody. You can tell why it's just a little hard for me to hang up the phone on this one. But you can find all the connections to Sam and the book, just to remind you, the whole stack of them actually at flipping50.com. Flipping50.com/somedayisnotadayintheweek. And what are you waiting for? Stop procrastinating. Let's get that thing on the calendar. Thank you for listening. To listen to a decade of episodes and to get the show notes, visit flipping50.com where you'll be able to find all the previous episodes and I made it super easy to make the most of your listening time and get exactly what you want to listen to as top priority by getting the top 10 episodes in the areas you most care about, like how much protein do you need, weight loss, and other 3 ultra-important topics we've identified as our community's top 5. There's no more powerful health influencer in the world than you midlife women. So go and listen right now. Do you have a question for a podcast? A question you'd love to ask? Or maybe a story you want to tell? Did you know we have a special group just for podcast question roundups and the answers. My community coaches and I provide answers daily inside of this group, but it's also where I go when I occasionally say, okay, open call for podcast questions, or tell your story, would you like to be a guest? So if you're looking for a community of women who are also interested in optimizing their health, strengthening their mindset, and looking forward to every new year. Join the Flipping 50 Insiders group. That's Flipping 50 Insiders on Facebook.