Stop the Confusion: Turn Midlife Muscle Strength Into Personal Power

Hey guys, stay tuned. This is going to be a great podcast. I think you're going to love it. It really unfolds much more like a real conversation between two fitness professionals, both serving primarily midlife women. You know, I didn't even ask Cori, my guest, that specifically, but I know she is— we talked primarily in the she and the women, and we of course are both midlife and beyond women. And I think going to find specifically a lot of just wisdom, number one, in what she says. You will detect— and I tell this myself at the very end— the acknowledgement of, you know, everything that she responded to if I had a question or comment was extremely positive. And, you know, I think right now this will be a breath of fresh air if you are caught between the, well, he says this and she says this, or she He and she say opposite things. Who's right? If you're caught in that, we actually address this here, and I think you'll find it beneficial as a way to sort through the number one way that you would know which one is right for you. And that is really our whole purpose every single day, I think, when we each get up, but also for this podcast episode. That you feel like you're on the train going in the direction you want to go on to the destination that you want to arrive at. Let's go. You're in perimenopause, menopause, or postmenopause, and you're not slowing down, you're just getting started. But the old rules don't apply anymore. The workouts that worked before, they're working against you now. The advice you've been given, incomplete at best. I'm Debra Atkinson, and I'm the founder of Flipping 50, the pioneer in fitness for women in midlife. For more than 40 years, I've been in the trenches with women just like you, and for the last 12, right here on this podcast, and, and the founder of Flipping 50: The Stronger Way app and membership. Welcome to Flipping 50: The Stronger Way, where science meets strength, where you'll find the tools, research, and real talk to build the body and the life you want in your second half. Each week you'll get evidence-based exercise and nutrition strategies, conversations with leading experts, and honest answers to the questions your doctor didn't get answers to in medical school and doesn't have time to answer in an appointment. This is your show. Let's get stronger. Who do you listen to and how do you know if it's right for you right now when there is abundant information coming at you from so many more sources, number one, than we ever used to have access to. There's the YouTube, there's the Google, there's the AI, the Instagram, the Facebook, just to name a few. And then everyone you're hearing has an opinion, whether they are an expert or an influencer, or they flirt between the two. There's a lot coming at you here. And at a time when there's a lot coming at you in terms of changes happening to your body, changes happening in your life, Where do you get to the right decision for you right now? That is really what this is all about. You know, at one point when we set this appointment for a podcast interview, we agreed we were going to talk about maybe ditching the guilts and ideals, you know, or lofty, this is the way, this is how you should do. And in order to focus on what we really need to stay strong for life. And yet I really feel like this this is a far bigger, maybe lesson— and lesson's not the word I really want, but a far bigger message for each of us, not just about our health and our fitness or our nutrition, but about what it is we want and our inner power and strength that we may in fact derive from our physical effort. I am here joined with my guest, Corey Lefkowitz. She's the founder of Redefining Strength and the author of The Strong System, a practical framework designed to help women build sustainable strength, nutrition, and lifestyle habits that support a real life. With over a decade of coaching experience, Cori helps women, especially in midlife, break free from burnout, diet culture, and all-or-nothing health thinking by shifting the focus from intensity and willpower to consistency and systems. Her programs and educational content Debra Atkinson have been featured in outlets including Women's Health, Self, Nike, Prevention, MSN, Well+Good, MindBodyGreen, Livestrong, and The Guardian. She's kind of a big deal, y'all, and you would never know it by her being here. But we talk a little bit about how she got into what she's doing. Those of you who are health and fitness coaches, you're in the right place too. This will be inspiring to you. And I lean into a question for you about two-thirds of the way through. So stay all the way to the end. And we also, in the show notes, we'll put all the places where you can reach Cori, but she's everywhere, y'all. Redefining Strength is where you can find her. Let's dive into this show. Cori, welcome to the show. Thanks for being here.

Thanks for having me.

This is gonna be good, y'all. So buckle your seatbelts, tie your shoelaces, plan on going another lap around the block because this is gonna keep you busy. And You're potentially— we're going to put this one on YouTube. You're potentially going to want to use that because you're going to want to go over and see Cori there too. By the way, she is outstanding in her field there. But before we dive into all the good stuff and things we've talked about in the quote unquote green room, let's tell them who you are. So how long have you been doing what you're doing? You defined the business Redefining Strength. We'll dive in and unpack what that means, but how long have you been doing it? You been in this industry and what led you here? I mean, were you a 5-year-old girl jumping off of couches in capes knowing I want to be a trainer, or where did that come from?

So I started Redefining Strength in 2014 as a gym in Costa Mesa, California, and went online shortly after that because I am a control freak and I realized that the 1 hour a few times a week, and even if they came in 6 days a week that I got with clients, wasn't really going to move the needle enough. So I really explored the online to help them when they weren't inside the gym, when they were traveling, and with the nutritional component as well. So started in 2014. I can tell you that start and starting in the industry before that, I started as a customer service rep. I worked in sales at a gym. I did a whole bunch of different things at a gym to really find what I liked. I can tell you right now.

Scrubbed the toilet with toothbrushes and all that.

Yeah. Picked up the towels. Very interesting things. I taught a cardio kickboxing class at one point, which no one ever wants to see me do again. I'm much better with the lifting. Sorry. Sorry, taking Muay Thai since, but still. But, I actually got into working at the gym after thinking I had my dream job, which was not in fitness. And, it was in sports information for the conference that I played for at Boston University in tennis. And so, I thought I wanted to more report on that, be involved in the athletics, and I quickly realized that that was not the case. It was very quickly into that first year out of college working for them and a few Long Island Iced Teas where I broke down crying to my now husband Ryan and told him that I wanted to go more into fitness. That's what launched it. But I can tell you, I've always been involved in sports. And part of that is due to my mom at 3 years of age telling me that it was more fun to play tennis with me than Barbies. So that started the fitness journey. And seeing her even lift weights when women weren't really lifting weights was definitely inspirational as well.

Hmm, very cool. So talk about tennis. And you told me size-wise, and I would have never thought Google had it right if I read 5'8" because you do look tiny. Tiny but strong. Tiny but powerful. I will say that. So talk about your size-wise. You said you were a tennis, so I'm dying to ask, and this is like totally out there, are you a pickleball queen now?

I am not. I actually have never technically played pickleball. I'm not bad at ping pong though, but I haven't played pickleball.

I haven't either. That's so funny. We are like the two dinosaurs. We should probably play each other. It'd be safe. Okay.

I know we, we need to go out and play now after this. Right, right.

So how did you actually— so with tennis, did you— were you strength training, um, when you were young as a teen preparing to play college tennis? And throughout, were you doing strength and conditioning as a tennis player?

I was doing a lot of conditioning and more on-court sprinting because it wasn't very popular at the time to do a lot of strength work as a tennis player. I didn't start lifting until college, re— like really at all. And in college, I got introduced to Olympic lifting by our athletic trainer and I fell in love with it. And an interesting thing off of that, which sort of also introduced me to the pushback against lifting, because even though I hadn't been involved in it, I didn't know it was sort of not necessarily embraced by all women at the time. Uh, but on my team were a few like other girls that I was training with, and they would avoid lifting. And I brought up to them one day, I'm like, why don't you want to do this? I'm like, this is making me stronger. I'm seeing better results on the court, at court. And they're like, well, I don't want to look bulky. And that was actually the first time I had encountered that attitude. And that then really made me dive into more of the research. It got me into even heavier lifting. I did powerlifting after I graduated from college, but it not only created my love for lifting, but also created my desire to empower more women to do it because I was seeing the changes in my own body and the strength and even like the mental strength that I was building. And so I wanted to shift that mindset.

Talk a little bit about that, because I think one of the quotes I love— and, and, you know, I've been doing this for 42 years, so for a quote from one or two clients that stick out, it's like, that really had meaning, like that really got me. And, and one that I distinctly remember is, you know, a woman starting a 28-day kickstart. I'm sure that's what it was called, very creative. But, you know, she said, I started this to lose weight, as they all do, even if it doesn't say it's for weight loss, they do. And she said, but I got my life back. And I'm like, it's all I need to hear. I can get up tomorrow morning and I can do this again. It just gives me chills even to say it now because it changes you. Talk about redefining strength. And we shared a little bit about this before we turned the recorder on, but that is an excellent name in so many ways. And I think you got it right the first time. You got lucky or you were really, really smart. So where did that come from and what does that mean to you?

So I didn't get lucky. Before I say I got lucky and I got it right the first time with the actual launch of a business that started taking money. But my original blog online was Man Bicep. And that's where I started my journey into the online wellness, the recording of all my knowledge. And as I told you before, it was because of— I saw in Men's Health that the average male bicep was— I can't even remember what size it was, but mine was apparently the same size. And so, I thought this was very funny to call it Man Bicep. I used a horrible bicep graphic that Ryan, to this day, I think can't even look at. And so, I did call it that. And when Ryan told me I could not name my gym that, that's where I really dove into what do I feel is at the heart of my mission for what I'm trying to accomplish personally with health and fitness, what I'm trying to give to others with health and fitness. And that's where I recognized it was really redefining what strength meant to them, both physically and mentally. And when I started at the gym, I had clients who had never stepped foot in a gym before. I had clients who literally would not get out of their car to come into the gym, and I had to go out and and not forcefully, but fairly forcefully remove them from their car and bring them into the gym, who had never done monkey bars, who cursed me out and wouldn't do them and cried on me and finally did the monkey bars and went and asked for a raise and promotion at their job, which they had been afraid to ask for previously. So not only did they start improving their health by coming into the gym, but they improved their confidence, they improved the rest of their life. And so that was at the heart of why I named it Redefining Strength, but also what I'm trying to achieve every single day. And it goes back to what you said. She not only came in for weight loss, but she found herself. I like to own that a lot of times we do seek to make healthy changes because we want to lose fat. Because I think the less ashamed of that first goal we are, the more we open ourselves up to opportunity versus there is a little shaming for wanting to lose those last couple of pounds where we feel like, oh, it's not worth it. I shouldn't prioritize myself. No, absolutely you should. Because, A, if you have a goal, go after it. B, if you want more for yourself and you believe you can achieve more, Show yourself you're worth that extra effort. No, maybe it's not necessary so you don't die, but why should everything be about surviving versus thriving? And so I think when we more embrace, hey, a few vanity pounds is not just being vain, it's about believing that you can even feel better, move better, deserve better. And when you put yourself at that as that priority, everything else in your life really changes.

This is really almost a tangent, but there's serendipity to everything. And right now, I don't know how I stumbled across this, but but on Prime Video, I'm watching a series called Physical. And it is basically, it feels like it was in the Jane Fonda era when step aerobics and all of that was just coming out. And this woman is going through that and she actually has bulimia. And so it's how she's gaining power in this. There's a lot going on in this little saga, but it's so interesting that even then, And if you know anything about Jane Fonda, it was not about her being thinner. It was about her funding her cause and her mission in politics. And it's like, that was fascinating to realize, "I'm going to push this button because I'm powerful here by doing this." And I absolutely love what you're saying. I want to kind of talk to you and unpack this about I think people right now are feeling this bit of pressure on, celebrities are like really, really thin, like blow over with a big breath kind of thin. And we're back to this, wait a minute, like where did this come from? I thought we were going in the right direction. And now I think women are feeling so much pressure to be everything, to be extremely thin, but also to have muscles and to, I, you know, talk to me about how that all sits with you. What do you see? What do you hear? What do you think women are going through that we're afraid to say out loud?

We're, we're expected to be everything to everyone, and I think that's a very hard thing to navigate. And in trying to seek to do that, we're— we end up like basically being nothing to anyone, especially not ourselves. And I, I think this is actually, um, part of my personal journey, especially being online, because I've been online for a very long time now. And online you get the lovers and the haters. And I recognized very quickly that I had to focus on what actually mattered to me because as I built muscle, as I got leaner, I had people on the same post tell me that I looked too muscled, that I looked too thin. I had even a comment early on, which was really funny because one of my clients said that she, she fell in love with my stuff because of this. But I guess the guy said that I looked like the average housewife. Housewife. And I commented back, well, that's good, because my client is the average housewife. And I don't even think it was that good a comeback at the time. But it was something of— I recognized very early on that no matter what you pursue, you're gonna have people who love you for it and hate you for it. And so ultimately, it has to be what's in line with your goals and vision for yourself. And so this is a very long-winded way, I apologize, of saying if someone really wants to be super thin, and they feel that is best for them, their health, and they're pursuing healthy things, okay, that's the aesthetic you want. If you want to have a lot of muscle, maybe someone else doesn't like that, but that's what you want. And so you really have to come back to, what do I want out of my life? And with that, not only the aesthetic, but what lifestyle factors are going to add up to that, and are they worth it to me? And so I think when we do that, we're going to recognize, hey, I want this body recomp, but this means that I'm going to have to do X, Y, and Z things, work out this many times, dial in my workouts or my macros this way, give it X amount of time to happen. Does that fit with my Friday night wine that I want, or does wine not fit in? That's not actually part of who I want to be ultimately. And so the more we really assess what goals are actually valuable to us and in line with the habits we wanna live every single day, the more we can determine what is perfection for us, what is ideal for us. But it does come back to building that self-awareness of where we are right now and what we truly want. Because you're gonna see, I mean, especially with social media, you, you see ideals on every end of the spectrum everywhere. It's like some. But you got to choose the one that matters to you.

Yeah, so well said. I think right now the other thing that's going on, and because of, you know, we have life online, so much of us, and people are putting so much pressure into— but he says and she says, and this, you know, social media tells us to do this, you know. I mean, that statement made me about crawl out of my skin. I'm like, what? Like, social media doesn't have a mother, you know, or a scientific study behind it. I mean, what, like, is that really where you're getting your information? But I think we do, and we can't tell the difference anymore between an influencer and an expert. And sometimes an expert has become an influencer depending on your definition of it. And I think that's the bottom line— your definition of it. But there is even arguing going on between those who are researching and literally in the labs and those who are doing practical application. And there's kind of a loss of love and respect for each other. And we've got to have both. Like, we have to have both and realize that, you know, a collective study of thousands may not work for the one individual who's trying to do it and that there's nothing wrong with you. It's just your data says, no, that's not going to work. Unpack that a little bit. Are you in part of that, that conversation becoming more apparent to you that we just seem to fight within ourselves instead of, wait a minute, let's help the people? Before we get started, there is one thing that I recommend you do, whether we're talking your fitness level, your micronutrients, or your hormones, and that is test, don't guess. There are a lot of people out there telling you a lot of different health options, but randomly trying any them without knowing where you are to begin with is like throwing darts with a blindfold on. So I personally test regularly and I advise my clients and members to do the same. But look, I just moved to a smaller city in a Midwestern location and I no longer had a lab testing site 6 minutes away from my house to do testing until this— Cyfox. Comprehensive at-home blood testing delivered to my door. No lab visits, no waiting rooms, and in my case, no 70-mile commute. Painless upper arm collection that takes about 5 minutes. And if you're squeamish, stay with me, you really don't even have to look. Results include a personalized action plan, insights, and supplement recommendations. Included in membership are 4 unique panels for longevity, thyroid, hormones, and heart and metabolic. It's not just about the results that I got. I personally can't stop talking about the customer experience. Every step of the way, from video calling a coach who was on standby at 6:00 AM when I wanted to do the blood draw and talked me through it step by step. The FedEx return label, and then the communication after I dropped it off at FedEx telling me it's en route, it was received, it's being analyzed. And within less than a week, I had my results, including my biological age, personal action plan, and those supplement recommendations, which I'm currently following through with two of those. And I'll retest in 3 to 6 months to see how they're impacting my You too can get your convenient test kit from Cyfox Health at cyfoxhealth.com/flipping50 and get 20% off at this link. That's Cyfox, C-Y-F-O-X, health.com.

Yes, we are becoming very binary in our thinking. And honestly, when someone will say, well, this person said this and this person said this, who's right? And my answer back is always both.

Yeah.

And yes, are there definitely health things that I think are more correct, more in alignment with how I like to view the world and like to do things? Of course. Right. I'm not completely agnostic when it comes to those things, but I do like to be open to the opportunity because, as you said, we— while we need research to inform and give guidelines, we are not a research study. We are not a data point. We do not live in a lab. And so much of what impacts what we can do is not only the physical, like biological response we have to something, but the mental response we have to it. And I bring this up because I can tell you till you're blue in the face that I think tracking your food is the most important thing ever. And someone else can tell you it's the least important thing ever. But what ultimately dictates what version of measuring or managing things works for you is your mindset's also towards the tool or tactic. Because no matter how good something is, if it really doesn't fit your lifestyle and the way your brain works, like you're never going to do it. Consistently. Right. So I think there's a recognition of when you see all these different things, instead of seeing it as overwhelm or things that are contradictory, say, well, how is this person using this and how does it fit into their overall system and where they are too? Because if you're looking at it, an influencer, and they're not conscious of being a coach, and I can say this as someone who's made this mistake, even like coaching from where I was versus where the client was, I might be giving an example of what I'm doing now for maintenance. But what I'm doing now is not what I did to get to maintenance. It wasn't what I did a few years ago. It's not what I'll be doing in a few years from now. So I'm very conscious to always explain that like everything I'm like doing now is based on my entire life and will shift. But I think we can get that snapshot right and then get caught up in only what they're doing and not think about all the logistics of why that might work. And when we start to break that down, we can see that things aren't as contradictory, but just based on different circumstances that might even on the surface look the same but really aren't. So it is taking that step back to also, again, go back to where are you, what have you tried, what is actually sustainable and builds upon what you need, and then seeking out information that will help you build off of that. With the caveat that we will also look at things from only our lens, and we will wanna avoid the hard habits that we don't want to embrace, the discomfort we aren't comfortable with, so to speak. And so we will find proof and validation. So like, if you don't wanna increase your protein, protein, you're going to find all the proof and all the reasons not to increase your protein when you've gone down that path plenty of times and you need to do the other. So it's being conscious of that, which of course is where I'm going to advocate for coaching as a coach and loving coaching myself. But yeah, you need to be conscious of that too.

Love it. So you said something, and I'm not sure if it was while we were recording or before, but you said something about, I, I'm kind of an old soul, or I've always— or at least that's how I describe myself. You might have said I had wisdom at a very young and maybe you grew up fast. Can you speak into that a little bit? Just tell a little bit of your personal story, what made you come to that conclusion about yourself. But also, I think that is like the sixth sense of a really great coach. You know, you probably have gone through some really tough stuff and hard things, and it's because you've gone through the hard things that you can you can absorb and you can be quiet even when you have the answer, which I think is a really great coach. Because you giving someone the answer versus helping them get to their own answer, that's the difference between feeling like you had a really great coach or not. So talk about your, your early wisdom. Where'd that come from?

I think a lot of it was built through my own, like, personal struggles, lifestyle struggles, like even trying to seek the strength. And as I mentioned, I was a very small tennis player, so I had to get very crafty on the court in order to play. When I got to college, I was not wanted by my college head coach. I was actually recruited. Brutal. Brutal. She wasn't there at the tournament to see my very crafty play. And on paper, I did not look like the best recruit. I totally understand. And I love her. She's fabulous. We joke about that still to this day. But my assistant coach truly wanted me because I was the lowest technical recruit and she saw something in my game. And I ended up playing and acting as if, but I think a lot of the, a lot of the doubt, a lot of the underdog syndrome that I had growing up because of being small for my sport, from changing schools, from all these different things, I recognized how much I did find empowerment through through my exercise, through my training, my sport. And I think that's where I also learned, hey, success means struggle. It means failure. I had to reflect on different things. I had to see some of my other peers who got ahead of me just because of their size. So I think growing up, I was an amazingly reflective, and I don't mean to brag, but I'm bragging, amazingly reflective person on those things. And so I think that's something I carried with me as I became a coach where I never shied away from a new opportunity, even when I felt way out of my depth. Steps because I had gotten comfortable being uncomfortable in that way. And I recognized part of that was due to doing the sport in the ways that I had. It was to moving and being thrown into new schools and having to meet new people even mid-year. And so because of these different things, I think it gave me the perspective to recognize that you can understand a person and use their knowledge of themselves to help guide them by asking the right questions. And that's really what coaching is. It isn't having a whole bunch of knowledge. Like, there are lots of coaches that know way more than me. But I would say that what I'm not afraid to do is to find an answer when I don't know, but also ask enough questions to get to the heart of the true problem. Because even when we talk to ourselves, right, we think about a problem as, oh, I don't like X thing. Well, is it really that you don't like X thing? Or is there something beyond that? Like when we go on a diet, even, and, you know, going on a diet is part of the problem, obviously, overbuilding an actual evolution or nutritional lifestyle. But But when we go on a diet, we think, oh, well, I'm going on keto. That's different than this other diet I tried because this is just restricting carbs, but I can still have X. Okay. But have you ever thought that it's not really the exact food, but the fact that you're just restricting and telling yourself you can't have something in general that creates the problem? So it's like we never go that layer deep or that next layer deep to really understand the why behind the things we're seeing. And so I think with what has helped me become a better coach and even guide people on their journey is that extra question. And I think clients can do that for themselves as well. Empowering to know when you see something pop up, instead of just taking it at its face value, ask why. Be that annoying kid even asking why a few layers deep so that you want to kind of tell yourself to stop asking why, because you'll get to the heart of the changes you truly need or even the patterns that have been sabotaging you.

Yeah. So beautifully said. Okay. Let's talk to everybody about, you know, I think first of all, we— in the background is the noise of, "I don't want to be bulky." And I'm still hearing that. You know, probably from the decades that I came through coaching, I'm very aware that when I say muscle mass and strength, that I'm very aware that mass is like a four-letter word that no woman ever would say, "I want mass. I want mass." No, not, not happening. But I know we need to say it so that we can at least relate to them what's going on. And I think recent studies are telling us, you know, it's not necessarily that we're gaining mass or size of fibers But we're getting better quality of muscle. But let's come back to why do you all who are listening, if you're in earshot here, why do you want muscle? And why is it so important to us midlife and beyond? And this is for till death do us part. Why is this so important?

I don't know about you, but I don't want to ask anybody for help for anything in life. And so the idea of being dependent on somebody else when I get really old. Just to me, I mean, I want it to be like I am at this high level, and then I'm just drop dead. That's it. I don't want any decline. I just want to drop dead, hopefully very old. But that is my goal. And so I see it as the more muscle I have, the more things I can do. And the gym is a training ground for that. But muscle's only built if we challenge ourselves. If you think about strength in any area of your life, success in any area of your life, it's built off of challenge. And so I always say, like, we're not trying to get bulky here.

We're not trying to do anything.

We're just trying to challenge our muscles so they have a reason to stay with us until our final day. And I know trainers can have a problem with the words tone or like definition or some of these other things. And I'm like, you know what, I don't care what you call it, to be honest. Like, call it whatever you want. And I think there are different ways of defining the aesthetic we want. But my, my goal is to be like, what do you ultimately want out of your life? How do you want your final day to be lived? Do you want to feel decrepit? Do you want to not be able to mentally remember anything? Do you want to have like all these health concerns? Or do you want to feel fabulous and then just go to sleep one night and that's it, right? You want to be able to conquer every challenge, be that like 99.9-year-old hiking the mountain, going up Everest, you know, whatever it is that you want. If you want that, build muscle because muscle is like legitimately the powerhouse of everything. It regulates so many more things than we realize. It is so important to our brain health. It is not just even a vanity thing or even a functional movement thing. It legitimately is like a health organ we don't appreciate enough.

Yeah, I love that. And I actually want to almost, almost take a pivot and almost talk a little bit more to the coaches and to the trainers who are watching this, because I also think there's been an evolution since you started, and, and definitely since I started. You know, personal training, fitness instructor, that was almost like apologetic, like, "That's what I do," you know? And people were proud and liked the fact that they did it, but it's like, you know, "I can't do that full-time, so I have to have a real job," like, you know? And there wasn't much status. And now look where we are. Like, we've come full circle and it's like, "Oh, no, no, I'm a trainer." Nobody's embarrassed to say it. More people are changing that Instagram profile to say, "I'm a trainer. I'm a, you know, I'm a midlife women's trainer," or something. I mean, That's been a real evolution. Talk to the health coach or the fitness coach who might be here. And if you're, you're a woman here for yourself, don't leave me. Don't go away because it's good for you to know this too. But what do you see, Cori? Because I'm sure you have people maybe reaching out to you and wanting to be mentored by you. What do you notice about new emerging trainers and their attitude in starting, you know, at this moment in time versus when we'd good?

I have lots of phenomenal coaches on my team at all stages of their career, some who have been in the industry for decades and some just starting out. And so I get the, the honor of seeing everybody in their evolution and also learning and seeing how they mentor each other and give each other like new perspectives on things. But I can tell you, as a coach, one of my biggest things is— and actually, I, I think it was Martin Rooney who said this to me early on in, in one of the one of the, like, workshops I did. But he says, if your client succeeds, it's their fault. If your client fails, it's your fault. And so I think this also relates to any, like, people not that are coaches listening, because that means that you're taking ownership, right? You're responsible for your journey ultimately. But as the coach, we also know that we are giving you the guidelines to succeed. And if something isn't working, we need to evolve the practices to make sure that we're meeting you where you are. And so there is this partnership, and I actually believe it's a one-sided relationship or should be, where the coach is there for the client wholeheartedly. So if you're investing in coaching, your, your coach is there for you. Don't shy away from sharing something with them. Don't hide anything. Don't feel guilty for laying stuff on them. They are there for you and meant to be there for you. And only by better understanding what you're going through can they help you. But I think as coaches, we need to recognize like we are there for them. And I bring this up with the social media age because I see more and more coaches posting about themselves. Yeah. And this isn't about you. It isn't about your personal experience. Yes, you draw from that because that is how we relate, right? We've all gone through struggles, even if not the same struggles. So we can understand the mindsets and different things behind that because of our personal things. But it's not about you. So make sure that you're focused on learning about what your client needs and seeing outside perspectives as much as you can, and then embrace the nuance of things. When you learn a new movement and different coaching cues, instead of saying, oh, I don't like this coaching cue, or, oh, I don't like this way of doing the exercise, Find the reasons why that person might be sharing that or why it might work. Because the more you understand the value in all the different opportunities, the more anybody who comes to you for help, you're going to be able to meet them where they are. You're going to be able to guide them forward. You're going to have something that resonates with them. And it's even why I mentioned tone, right? If someone says tone to me, I'm not going to be like, oh, well, technically the muscle doesn't tone. Like, because it doesn't matter. A, our language is, it changes constantly. But B, the more we really focus on meeting someone where they are to evolve their lifestyle. And I've I've done this for myself, the more we're gonna move forward in sustainable ways. And I bring this up not to take like a slight tangent, but when I first started to look to change my body composition and really get into nutrition, I would always cut out my dessert first. And I love dessert. Like I am a sweets person all the way.

Chocolate or?

Ice cream, peanut butter cookies. Like I'm not actually that picky, but Reese's, I really like Reese's too. But I mean, I'll take it all. And when I would try and change my body composition, lose fat, I would always cut that out first because all the things I just named are not the most nutrient-dense. And I know this logically, but I recognized that by trying to cut this out, I literally created mental resistance against any other changes I was going to make. I would sabotage myself. I would feel guilty, like I didn't have the willpower. So the more I started to see the nuance over falling victim to all these coaches preaching, eat clean, and said, okay, that doesn't fit for me in that way. How can I adapt this? I started to work my dessert in first because it became a non-negotiable for me, and then I balance everything around it, which trust me, if you're trying to work in ice cream, you have to eat a lot of fruits and vegetables and other healthy foods to balance that in. So, that was a win. But I got consistent with things, saw results start to snowball, and then I even started to evolve what my definition of dessert was because I recognized if I chose not to have it, I was making a choice. And so, all of a sudden, my desserts got a lot of, like, a lot healthier on a lot of the days. I still, and I'm really actually disappointed Sprinkles closed, but I still love my cupcakes on, you know, days and different things like that. But on other days I'm like, "Oh, Greek yogurt and fruit, great." But it became more negotiable because I didn't try and force some ideal. I really focused on where my actual lifestyle was. And I bring this up because a lot of times I will see trainers being like, "You need to eat chicken and broccoli and do this and not have the pizza and not have the wine." Okay, but that's not reality. And I'm sorry. I like food. I think food is a part of a lot of great events, and I want to also embrace that component of it.

Oh, I love that so much. Okay, so I'm going to share this. I'm enabling, so just so that we all know that we're clear here. So if you've never been to P.F. Chang's and had the Great Wall of Chocolate, like, I'm sorry, but like the, the chips are embedded in it and then there's raspberry sauce. And so So yeah, just say it. All right, now I digress. All right, talk a little bit about, you know, women can, I think, in midlife— and I think my hope is that, that the younger, like each decade we would go, we're seeing less and less of this because we did have the science come out, told us this is not quite as true as we thought, but we can often blame age and/or say, maybe I just need to accept this, that, you know, at my age— and, and I can tell you, it's kind of a pet peeve of mine. And, you know, somebody will say, well, what should I do? I'm X years old. And I'm like, mm, don't ask me like that. Like, I need to turn that around a little bit. And how do you feel about that? And that You know, we can lean into, well, I'm X years old, you know, and we sometimes just— here's why I'm gaining weight or can't lose weight. What do you have to say to that?

I think we need to embrace that opposing viewpoints can be true at the same time. And the reason I bring that up is because you've got to own that your age has impact. Act. It does. A, you've probably done— and I, I've said this lovingly about myself— you've probably done a lot of stupid things when you were younger where you glossed over injuries, you didn't really do the rehab, you implemented dieting practices that were less than ideal. You've done the fads. Like, I know I did. I, I did the potato diet. Okay, I've, I've literally have done lots of different— it was at the time, and it was not as good as it sounds because it wasn't like french fries. So not good, whole other story, but it's one of these things that we've done a lot of things which make the years on this planet have added up in a specific way. Not to mention, yes, our body becomes less efficient at some processes. There's not the optimal hormone environment. We'll see the hormonal shifts of perimenopause and menopause. Like there are things going on, but you can say that about any point in your life. You have higher stress levels during certain seasons. You have other family obligations. So your needs are actually shifting not only over the years, but over the year yourself. And if you don't address those things, you're not meeting yourself where you are to truly give yourself the best system to move forward. So owning that everything is a constant evolution, that yes, your body has changed with age, that can be true. But also the statement, stop blaming your age, because that is actually completely just ridiculous, is also true. And I say it's ridiculous because at any point you can say, this is where I am. If you had surgery, if you had a horrible life-changing experience, guess what? You are not where you were. And does that stink to some extent? Yeah, it can. But either you can wallow in that, and this is where my suck-it-up buttercup mentality comes in, either you can wallow in that or you can choose to find a way to move forward. And I don't know about you, but wanting to get as much out of the time I have on this planet, I'm always going to choose to have the perspective that I can move forward. No, I can't change where I'm at. No, it might not be my ideal, but how can I own it to move forward. And so that's how those two opposing viewpoints can work together of your age impacts things. Okay. So knowing that you're less able to utilize protein as efficiently, how can you optimize for that? Knowing that you do have new nutritional gaps, how can you add in micronutrients where needed? Knowing that you have adjusted. So not only do you sometimes take a little bit longer to recover because of changes in your hormone levels, but you've also adapted to potentially a lot more training stimuli because of training for a lot longer. And some of us have hit like lifting ceilings on certain moves because you just can't unfortunately lift more weight forever. That'd be really cool. We can't. And so even noting that you have to find different forms of progression to keep challenging your muscles. So there are things that like, that's why you got stronger, right? You adapted to all those things. Right. But it's also why you struggle now. And so the more we just own that change happens with age, change happens with seasons, change happens with changes in lifestyle, the more we can not let things be blamed, but take responsibility for how we move forward from them. And this is a very strange example, but I— for me, it shifted my whole perspective of if you're driving the wrong way on the highway, you're not just going to keep driving the wrong way saying, well, I'm on the highway, well, I'm going fast, right? You're going to be like, oh my goodness, I am getting further and further away from where I want to go. How do I get off the highway and turn around as fast as possible to get back on track, right? And so it's the same thing. Okay, you might have driven the wrong way for a little bit because you didn't recognize your GPS didn't recalibrate great. But now the second you know, hey, this is where I am, how can you turn it around?

Yeah. Oh man, so good. And the way you started— so the way Corey started with that response, if you remember, you know, that two contradictory pieces of, or vantage points, or angles, or information can both be right. It's kind of a yes and, and it, it depends situational. And the moment that you're in And I'm gonna— it brings up for me this book that Mel Robbins wrote within the last year, Let Them. And I was reading it— this has probably been a little longer ago actually— and I was reading it because of just a kind of emotional relationship challenge with a family member. And there was a certain line that came out in that book, and I was like, oh my gosh, I needed to hear that. So if you need to hear this for whatever reasons, like for this one, the the theory that like one science study comes out or one researcher says this and now you're confused. Instead, maybe change that to curious. But you might get a benefit out of that book. Let them and realize, yes, that is correct. Sometimes it'll be right for me, but maybe not right now. Is it right for me? I love the way you approach that. So everything that has come out of your mouth in the last 35 minutes since we've been on has been positive. I just want to call everybody's attention to that. Even when it was negative, it was positive. She's really good, guys. If I should have asked you a question, Cori, and I didn't, what would that be?

That's a good question. I think the one thing we haven't covered with all the things we've covered that is slightly off of it is fear and the lack of self-trust we have. And I bring this up because I think, you know, we've, we've talked about the shiny object syndrome, all the conflicting, uh, viewpoints and how to navigate those. But we don't talk about the impact these things have had, and part of what even creates the doubt with age. And I think it's a lack of self-trust. And that lack of self-trust is oddly built on proof that we've stacked against ourselves based on all the previous attempts we've done to try and reach a goal. And it's because all those previous attempts, we never paused in searching for the next plan, the perfect plan, the thing we should be doing, the ideal box we should fit ourselves in to say, who am I and what do I really want out of things? And while that sounds like a very deep question, I often joke with clients like, I'm going to get very existential with you for you saying you want to lose 5 pounds, which is what you think coming in. But I think it's very important we do that because when we do, we find ways to move forward towards goals we thought weren't possible for us because we break them down into things that actually fit our lifestyle now. And I, I have a video right now up that that states that every woman should be able to do a pull-up. And I can tell the people who have not actually watched the video because they'll say, this is ridiculous, every woman shouldn't be able to. And I'm not saying that every woman will be able to. We have lots of health concerns, lots of different things that pop up. You might not even really care about that goal and that's A-okay. But my point being is that so often we set this limitation or say something is impossible and that's it. We never question it. And I'm sorry to, to go on, but there's a story of the elephant and the rope, and maybe you've heard it, but it's one I like to, to share because these elephants are held by a rope when they're young, and they can't break the rope to hold them in place because the rope is too strong for them at that size. But the rope stays the same, and as they grow, they stay trapped by this rope that they could easily break. And I think so often that is what is happening to us. And part of why we also stop questioning those beliefs and limitations is because we've stacked proof against ourselves from every failed attempt. But we've got to recognize that every failed attempt is in the approach. We've gone after the perfect thing instead of saying, hey, or we've even said like, hey, how can I go on a plan? Or I'm off a plan versus saying, I am the plan. How can I build everything around me and meet myself where I am to keep that journey going? You got to turn out of the driveway before you can get to your destination. So if you're just looking at what is around the destination, all those turns, you're not there yet. How you get there might even change based on the traffic on the, the roadmap. And clearly I'm driving a lot right now, which I don't even think I am, but it, it's, it's, it might shift, right? So you first have to focus on how do you make those first few turns. So that's the only thing I would add is that if you felt that lack of self-trust, realize it's not you, it's been in the approach, and you can now shift that perspective and make different choices to move forward.

So good. Such a great way to finish. Cori, let's tell everybody where they can find you and what are they looking for in terms of your handles and your accounts, because they will stalk you. Where do they go?

Well, stalk away, and I will probably pester you a little bit with questions because I am a very nerdy, nosy trainer. So I will message you and just want to find out what you're doing because it's how I even learn more. I'll be honest, it's selfish. I learn more, but I'm Redefining Strength, YouTube, Instagram, Facebook, all the different places. You can reach me at corey@redefiningstrength.com. And yes, it is me. I love to get to really hear your stories. And as I said, it helps me grow as a coach and even improve my own health and wellness journey.

So amazing. Corey, it's been so great to talk to you.

Thanks, Debra. It's been amazing talking to you too.

The information shared on Flipping 50 the Stronger Way is for educational and informational purposes only and not intended as a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always consult your physician or qualified healthcare provider before beginning any exercise program, making changes to your diet, or adjusting any medications or supplements. Individual results may vary. Debra Atkinson and Flipping 50 are not responsible for any injury or adverse outcomes resulting from information presented on this podcast.