Stronger Than Cancer: One Woman’s Story

Hey, thank you so much for joining us. If you are going through something really challenging in your life right now, this is the episode you needed to hear.

And it's—

oh my goodness, I have chills while I'm saying that. I had a very special guest in this episode, and she's telling her story about having had breast cancer and where that went from there. And as you might imagine, having that experience just prior to the pandemic Um, there's a lot that transpired. And so if you're in a spot where whatever you're going through is a struggle, not necessarily breast cancer, stay tuned for this one. You are in perimenopause, menopause, or postmenopause, and you're not slowing down. You're just getting started. But the old rules don't apply anymore. The workouts that worked before, they're working against you now. The advice you've been given, incomplete at best. I'm Debra Atkinson, and I'm the founder of Flipping 50, the pioneer in fitness for women in midlife. For more than 40 years, I've been in the trenches with women just like you, and for the last 12, right here on this podcast, and, and the founder of Flipping 50: The Stronger Way app and membership. Welcome to Flipping 50 the Stronger Way, where science meets strength, where you'll find the tools, research, and real talk to build the body and the life you want in your second half. Each week you'll get evidence-based exercise and nutrition strategies, conversations with leading experts, and honest answers to the questions your doctor didn't get answers to in medical school and doesn't have time to answer in an appointment. This is your show. Let's get stronger. Hey everybody, welcome back, or welcome for the first time to the Flipping 50 Show. So glad that you are here, and our aim today in this one is to leave you with a feeling of hope no matter what you might be going through, because let's just face it, if you're in midlife or beyond, life can feel a little bit heavy sometimes, and so My guest today is Kelly Coulter, and she is a member of Flipping 50 and shared with me in a roundup, actually, I was asking about different personal experiences and something that really with Flipping 50 made a difference for them. And she shared her story and I said, that's too good not to share. Would you come on and do this? And when it is a personal and very intimate experience that you go through with something like breast cancer.

It's—

that's a big question, but her big answer was yes, and she's here with the same intention as I have, and that is to tell her story and leave you all feeling, number one, if you're going through it or anything hard, not alone. Understanding that even though in the moment it maybe feel like you are the only one feeling the feelings you've got, dealing with the dealings you've got to deal with, that you are not alone. Because out there in parallel, somewhere is someone who's done it or is going through it as well. So realize that. And if you're not going through breast cancer, please stay tuned and stay with me because of the message of hope and resilience I think that you'll find. And this is by no means a polished presentation or a TEDx talk. It is just a real conversation between two midlife women, and I hope that you will gain something. In a very unique show notes for this one, you'll find at flipping50.com/podcast— I don't have the link to the exact show on my fingers right now— you will find I kept Kelly's story in her own words. So if you'd like to go read it not simply the transcript of our conversation, but what she actually wrote in telling me about her story that compelled me to have her as a guest. You can find that at flipping50.com/podcast. And as you scroll through, you'll be able to see, especially if you're listening very recently. All right, without further ado, my guest is Kelly Coulter. She is basically one of you. One of us, a member of Flipping 50. And in 2018, Kelly was living her best life by your own definition. She was physically fit, had a wonderful job and career, her personal life was vibrant, and she and her husband were in a great place. Life was perfect. Then it wasn't. In the blink of an eye, her world imploded. Kelly, thank you so much for joining me today.

It's a pleasure to be here.

Well, and I jokingly have to say that because behind the scenes, you know, sometimes technology and different platforms are, are just different. And so here you were waiting for me and I'm like always fingers crossed that this will work when it's someone who doesn't do this every single day. So, so glad that you made it. And I would love to take listeners through your story, and I'm going to jump in really at the very beginning and ask you, what was it like to have that first inkling or realization to get the news this is what you're dealing with?

Hmm. Sheer terror. Speaking completely candidly, it— and you're hopeful. You're still hopeful that, you know, I'm overreacting. I didn't— it's not really that big and it's going to come out to be something that was benign.

How did it impact those around you?

Uh, it was very difficult for, for my husband. And next to telling my husband, my, my parents, it was very hard to go and visit my elderly parents and tell them because of course when they were my age, many women, it was a very bleak future. That was very difficult, of course.

And so historically, we're talking that was in May of 2018, correct? Right. So literally, wow, and almost— not quite, but almost to the day, we're kind of going down this path. So I want to ask you, as you, you got the news and shared it with your husband, shared it with your parents who are there at the moment, what, what was it like for you internally? Was there any part that felt like, even though I tell them that I'm not sharing all of it, like, it's— I have to hold this, no one else can?

Yes, absolutely. And, and there, there were aspects to the, the disease, the surgeries, the treatment that I didn't want to share because I felt it was, it was hard enough for me to carry it, let alone to ask someone else to carry it with me. Was it felt like placing an unfair burden on people, and ultimately a large part of what you go through, you have to, you have to go through it by yourself. You don't have a choice.

Was there anything that was maybe most comforting for you? Was there a group or your physician or where did you find comfort or solace?

Certainly my husband was vitally important. He's a very strong person who helped me a lot. And I also always tell my oncologist that I just— she's an amazing lady and how she delivers care and what she does for her patients was, is, and at the time was very much a support. I never felt alone, and I never felt that I didn't have anyone that I could talk to. I had a lot of support.

So you also went through, after the surgery, went through 6 months of chemotherapy. How did you fare through that?

Oh, it, um, It was an experience I would not generally recommend.

Okay. Don't want to get in that line. Okay.

Yeah. Yeah. Although again, you get a lot of support, uh, physically. I, at least I went through a lot of moments where I was, um, angry with my body for, I felt my body had betrayed me. And I was also feeling— this may sound very odd, but I also felt at times that I didn't recognize my body. I didn't recognize that I didn't have the strength to go for a general walk. I couldn't maintain my physical fitness routines and just generally, yeah, I bounced back and forth between feeling a bit overwhelmed and being angry with my physical body. My psychological mind, I would— I felt I was fine, but my physical body, I got angry with it.

So describe, and I think this is really an important distinction here, you were fit prior to diagnosis. So talk a little bit about your life, maybe BC, if we can.

Yeah. Yeah. It— I very much felt like I had the world by the tail, as they said. I had like my definition of a perfect world. I have a wonderful husband. I had a great position, a wonderful, satisfying career. And my family were well, and I maintained a very long-term healthy lifestyle. I did not, I did not engage in various vices. I maintained a healthy diet. I exercised. So there was a large part of me at the time that I felt very again betrayed by my physical body because I thought I looked after you. Mm-hmm. And, uh, this happened.

So, well, and then if we can take everybody to the point in time that we're at, so following surgery and breast cancer chemotherapy for breast cancer, you then have this period of time where you think you're resuming your life and you get bad news again. But we're right at the, the beginning of COVID Yes.

Yeah. So when at the end of 2000 or September of 2019, we relocated and COVID hit. And so we had just moved into a new home. Into a new neighborhood and we relocated so largely so that I could be closer to the hospital. And then I received the news that it had come back and was in my lung, in my right lung. So that was, that was a really difficult time.

Yes. No kidding. So were you— what was the treatment at that point?

Another surgery. So I had had a double mastectomy, then I had a hysterectomy, had chemo, and my oncologist got to tell me, "Oh, there's another surgery for you." So they went in basically through my lung and and cut out the tumor, which, yeah, it was pretty amazing, really. Wow. Yeah. What they're able to do is incredible.

And what was recovery like for that?

Remarkably pretty. I won't say it was pain-free, but it was remarkably fast. I felt it took, took me a couple of months. But at the same time, I was starting new, a permanent pill, Keyhole, and injections for estrogen blockage. And those injections I get once a month and I continue on that path. So whether that change in my medication and my treatment impacted my memory about, you know, maybe it was worse than what I thought in terms of the physical healing. But yeah, it didn't— it did— my recollection is it didn't feel too daunting physically. But at this point, then mentally, I'm starting to— I'm starting to kind of crash a little bit mentally by this point.

And why do you think that is? I mean, there's a lot going on in the world for sure. And then in yours, a lot going on. Were you like just at capacity or what was your frame of mind?

Certainly some of it was capacity, but I also feel that the isolation brought on by COVID contributed. Yeah. And it felt It was just crushing. I can't think of any other word to describe it. And I really went to a place that I kind of quit caring. I quit caring physically. I quit caring kind of psychologically and started to live a different life. Life than what I had lived in terms of lifestyle choices. I, I ate whatever I wanted to eat. I didn't behave myself in terms of diet. I quit doing any form of physical exercise. I stopped socializing with friends and family. Yeah, so I went to a very lonely place.

And so during that time, I'm guessing that your husband, who'd seen a very different Kelly for years, was— I don't— I can't imagine what he was going through, but how did he support you, or, or what occurred between the two of you?

He, he's very wise because I call it that. He He walked quietly for a long time in that he— I know inside he was really, to your point, wondering, who is this person? I don't know her. But still maintaining the love and support and, and not kind of going to the same place I was in. He stayed strong.

Amazing. Amazing. Okay, so then, you know, what, what pulled you out of it? Because I see you here, and, and whether those are listening or watching or not, seeing a clip, but how, how did you get here? Because you are clearly socializing, right? Hey, before we go any further here, it's time to have a little heart-to-heart about muscle. Unfortunately, I'm going to start with the 3 little words that none of us loves to hear. As we age, it gets harder to gain muscle, but most importantly, it gets harder to support our mitochondria. Mitochondria are our energy central, and they produce all of the energy so that we can have the effective contractions from the weight training that we're doing. And look, it's not just about muscle size, and it's not just about discipline and doing the work. We have to have effective energy at the cellular level for the muscle to work efficiently so we can get the results effectively. Introducing Mitopure. Timeline developed Mitopure, a supplement containing urolithin A. Urolithin A supports a cellular process called mitophagy. Mitophagy helps the body remove damaged mitochondria. Think Pac-Man, taking out the ones that are damaged so that the good ones can have room to do their work. It recycles cellular components and supports healthy your mitochondrial function overall. The benefits can improve your cellular energy, your muscle strength, your recovery— hello, yes please— and therefore healthy aging. Timeline has spent more than 15 years researching mitochondrial health, invested over $50 million in research, and conducted multiple human clinical trials. One study Participants experienced 12% improvement in muscle strength in 4 months with no change in their exercise habits. So I love this as a missing link for many of you doing the work, putting in the discipline, trying the willpower. But listen, it's not you. You just may need a little personal training friend. I love this, and I love personally the gummies, but it's up to you. Timeline's clinically proven formula is now available at a new lower price. Mitopure now starts at $99 with the exact same science and formula. And my listeners can still get 20% off when you go to timeline.com/Flipping50Show.

I, um, one late night I was on YouTube and sort of poking around on YouTube. And I had typed in about women with menopause because I, I was by this point I was about 35 pounds overweight. I thought, you know, some of this is just menopause. It has nothing to do with my ongoing chronic illness. And so I was doing various things of that nature. And then I don't want to put you in an odd spot, but then I found your TED Talks and it planted a seed and about, you know, maybe some of the stuff that I'm going through is surmountable. Maybe I can get to the other side and start to have a positive relationship again in terms of health, both physical and psychological. So I started there and contacted my oncologist and asked her, you know, would it be okay if I started to do a little bit of fitness and, you know, take it slow and easy? And again, she's a terrific person and said, absolutely, but don't go crazy. Don't turn it into your job. And So that's sort of where it started, and it took a— it was a long, long time. It was a slow process that helped me get to where I am today.

And so where is that? Talk to me. How are you doing today? How's your energy level, your fitness level today?

I'm really, I think, in a pretty darn good place. I feel that I'm— sounds again a bit crazy, but I actually feel like I'm the healthiest I've been in years because I have a very good balance between physical and mental health. And I have been over the past 3 years. It was 2024 that I really started to focus on fitness again. And then I took a course on diet and maintaining of diet and especially for a woman with— that's in basically postmenopausal, menopause and postmenopausal. And it really had a profound effect in terms of learning about the importance of what you eat, when you eat it, particularly protein, because I I don't know if I'm unique, but I really did not know. And I found that very fascinating. I was doing everything I shouldn't have been doing, so it's no wonder that I gained 35 pounds. And I started to focus on how I felt physically and mentally. And if the weight went off, that was great. It was an added bonus, but it really wasn't my focus. It was just trying to get to healthier place because I got to a stage where there were many times I would get up from sitting and I'd have no strength in my legs. And of course, with the history, I'm thinking, oh, here we go again. But it wasn't anything like that. It was because I was so out of shape. I had no no mobility. My mobility was being destroyed. So yeah, so now I work out. I do weights, strength training twice a week. I do high intensity at least once a week depending on how I'm feeling. And then the other days I'll try to do yoga and stretching and that kind of stuff. And, uh, and I have re— started to reintegrate myself in terms of socially with other humans.

Well, lucky them.

Yeah.

So in 2025, you lost 32 pounds and you had, I think, mentioned you'd gained about 35.

Yes. Yeah.

So, and that distinction of difference is probably worth saying. How do you feel you're doing with body composition and muscle mass? And I guess, are you monitoring that?

I, I am. And my body composition, uh, I continue to have some physical pain from the mastectomy, and I chose to not have reconstruction, which— that's a very personal choice. To each, to each their own. What I didn't necessarily appreciate was when it comes to body composition, how that would change as you age. And so I'm probably very much fixated on body composition compared to most other people because of it. And I, I do maintain, in terms of my muscular I don't have a smart scale yet. That's on my list of to-dos. I'm able to establish what, what my skeletal density is and the muscular density and all those things. I haven't got to that point yet, but physically I'm— I feel much, much better. Yeah, so good.

Amazing. What, what would you tell a woman who was facing— and it certainly could be breast cancer, but I want to broaden it a little— who is facing something that feels just insurmountable in her life right now? Because you've been there. I honestly have chills still, I guess, As we first started talking about it, you know, and what was that like in that moment, I could feel the weight of that question. But I'm asking here, and I think this is a very weighty question, but I think only being in your chair will you know how to respond. But what would you say to that woman knowing how that feels to be on the other side?

It is a very lonely place, and, uh, it's hard at times not to despair, um, but be gentle with yourself and, and there is light at the end of the tunnel, and there is, there is a life to live. And that life to live may be very different from what you had envisioned your life to be, and that's okay. And, and it's literally one step in front of the other, and you will get to You will get to a nice place. It just sometimes doesn't feel like it. And it's okay to be terrified. I was absolutely terrified.

And how do you feel now?

Now I kind of— I've actually sort of flipped. Not only flip 50 because I turned 60 in January, which is incredible. Where did the time go? But I've also, even though I live with breast cancer every day, I now have fitness and fitness is both physical and mental. That's my priority. And then, then it's breast cancer. Not the other way around, because it's very easy to get to a place where your whole world is talking about your illness, and that can be really unhealthy for your mind. It can be very unhealthy. Yeah.

Did you get any pushback from anybody around you when you were seeking fitness and you were trying to get started again, was there any external resistance? I know you said your doctor was supportive. Any resistance from anyone?

Uh, no, I probably had the most concern from, from my brothers and sisters, actually. And I think because they thought I would, I would hurt myself. And but no, not, not really. My, again, my husband Ken was fabulous and he, he supported what I was doing and he never really became worried about it. And like I said, my, my oncologist knows me well enough that she just said, don't turn it into a job. Like, make sure that— yeah, okay. Yes.

She had you nailed.

Okay. Yes, she did.

Yeah. Is there anything that you want to do now that you feel like this is a— you've got a goal or an aspiration in regard to fitness or physical activity, something you want to, you want to do or challenge yourself with?

I, um, I would like to take my strength training to the next level, not to a point of bodybuilding or anything like that, but just expanding, having— expanding my confidence to to work harder in terms of the resistance training, in terms of just definition, and then secondarily, and maybe these should be flipped, I'm not sure, but I'd like to also improve my cardio because I find my, my cardio is a bit lacking.

And how so? What's your evidence?

I suffer from fatigue at times. So if I— and maybe it's because I'm lifting too heavy, I don't know. But I've been attributing it to the cardio that I'll have 2 or 3 weeks where everything is terrific, and then I'll have the 4th week and Everything feels like an effort, and it seems connected to when— how hard I've been pushing myself, basically for cardio, not for the resistance training.

Got it.

Got it. Yeah. The resistance training, I feel a little bit like— sorry to bring up a character, but a little bit like Wonder Woman, you know, like, I'm— I can do this. I'm great. Cardio kind of brings me back down. No, not so much.

Bullshit again.

All right, it does, it does.

Yeah, very cool. Well, I can offer this, and I would say if it were mitochondria, you know, which I would assume that from your history there was probably some mitochondrial damage there, given you've had, had times where rest and bed rest were things you had to do in recovery. If one or the other, strength versus cardio, were going to— you were going to feel it in one, you would feel it in your cardio more than in your strength training. However, continuing to do what we're doing is the only way to actually make that better, outside of taking potentially urethral A maybe for a little bit of support. But you're doing all the right things, so that's That's a plus. Was there ever a time when you started the exercise— so back to your doctor's very knowing, telling advice— did you give yourself any setbacks when you first started?

Yes, I did. Yes, I did.

Well, thanks for owning it. I'm not a priest. And yeah, you don't have to confess, but you did. Yeah.

And silly things. And just, um, like, instead of allowing for the 2 full days before doing my next strength workout, I would push it a little bit. In terms of the cardio, I would do I was still of the view that having the marathon cardio was the answer versus doing like a high intensity for the 20 minutes. That's impossible. It can't have any benefit. I have to— that part. And the other piece too is I've really have had to focus a lot on proper nutrition and feeding feeding my body and the importance of protein, of fiber, importance of sleep.

And, you know, yeah, and I was just about to ask you, how is your sleep?

It's improving, uh, and Over the— like you say, it's hard to believe, but it's soon going to be 8 years that I've been living with this. Not to bring down the conversation or anything, but there are times when you're dealing with a chronic illness that it creeps into your psyche and into your thought process. The worst possible time. It's always midnight, 1, 2 o'clock. Of course, when you're trying to sleep, your mind starts to really become very active. And then it becomes, you know, the chicken and egg that you can't settle because you can't sleep and you can't sleep because you can't settle. So I have spent a lot of time figuring, trying to figure out what's, what's right for me in terms of, you know, when to shut all the electronics off, when to— I do take magnesium. I do also take an omega supplement and when to take those, what works for me and all that stuff. And it's It's much better than what it was, and I would say it's a work in progress.

Do you journal, meditate, pray? Do any of those help you?

I'm very much a person of faith, and I also complement that with mindfulness and meditation. And I have, as people who meditate like to very often say, have you fallen off your pillow yet? And yes, I have fallen off my pillow a couple of times. And but yeah, that, that certainly helps a lot in terms of the psychological health and trying to get your psychological health in the same place as your physical health.

Okay, you're going to have to tell a listener who doesn't meditate what that phrase means, really. Falling off your pillow.

Yeah. So when, when you first start meditating, we're all, I think, a little bit like Mickey Mouse. We're the eternal optimists, and everything is perfect, and everything is great. And you'll go along like that for quite some time. And then something, little thing starts to get its way into your world and you'll be in the middle of meditating and it'll break. And then you'll think, oh darn. So the next day you go to meditate, go through the same process and the little thing breaks you again. And then you start that you're not going to do the meditation. I'm just going to take a day off. And that's falling off the pillow because you— it's hard to get back into, yeah, back into sync with it.

Truth. My fear there was that somebody was gonna say they got so comfortable and dreamy that they thought that meant falling asleep while you're meditating.

Yeah, yeah, you do get a very— for those who haven't tried meditation, I do recommend it because it does give you a terrific sense of peace and tranquility.

Yeah, totally agree. And I also find sometimes working for people is when you're visited by these same thoughts at night, the monkey mind things that during a busy day we can avoid, that sometimes journaling them before you go to bed and just mentally saying Okay, there, you know, I put that down. I don't need to deal with it overnight. And then— and whether it's the message of you saying, I put this down, and then close that gate, or it is actually the act of going through it— there are so many things. And you've said so eloquently, finding what works for me being the most precise words here. I think that there is no one-size-fits-all in so many things we do in life. You'll put it together in your own thumbprint.

Yeah.

Kelly, what would you— I'm sorry, go ahead.

I was just going to build on what you were saying about the journaling because I did find— I did— I have done that a lot and continue to, and I found it very helpful with dealing with my— the grief that I went through and the the loss of, you know, loss of my health, loss of my career. There was a lot built into that that just disappeared, and it felt like it disappeared overnight. And I found journaling really assisted me in putting those losses into place where it was healthy rather than unhealthy.

Amazing. Is there— that's a great piece of advice, I think, for anybody going through anything. So for those of you here listening not going through breast cancer, I think it's so very relative to, to carrying anything heavy. Kelly, you've shared so many good nuggets, and I think The way that you've shared your perspective and getting through things has been very helpful no matter what. Is there anything else that you'd offer to a woman who's maybe feeling, you know, she's, she's sinking, drowning, and sitting in a very heavy pool? And thankfully, listener, you tuned in to this one. But Kelly, anything that you'd want to say?

Take a little step would be— you're not committing to anything that is— that you can't uncommit to. Take a little step towards your health and you, and tomorrow you may want to take another step. And maybe that'll be all right. You will get through it. And the first thing that is important is to take a step. And there's some— there's value in investing in you and re— not giving up because it's extremely hard. And if you take the little step, you'll feel better.

Excellent advice. And I thank you so much, first of all, for sharing your story with us. And we're grateful and glad that you found us and we were able to offer some support at a point where you needed it as well. And thank you for again touching everybody who's listening with your share. And keep going. So excited for your future.

Well, thank you. And thank you to, to you and to Flipping 50 because it— you really have changed my life and I'm eternally grateful that it was available and I, and that I found it. It does have a big impact.

Well, thank you so much. Thanks again, everybody. We hope that you take the message that we were intending to share— both Kelly and I talked about it before we started— that we hope is one of hope, no matter where you are, that there is something that you can do. The information shared on Flipping 50 the Stronger Way is for for educational and informational purposes only and not intended as a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always consult your physician or qualified healthcare provider before beginning any exercise program, making changes to your diet, or adjusting any medications or supplements. Individual results may vary. Debra Atkinson and Flipping 50 are not responsible for any injury or adverse outcomes resulting from information presented on this podcast.