Ep28 - Frank King - The Mental Health Comedian

Of attitude. And I would love to know who your first attitude coach was.

That would be my lovely mother. Nice.

Yes.

I was very young, and I think four years old, maybe. And I said to her one night before bed, can I be a police officer? And she said, son, you can do anything you put your mind to. Now, Glenn, I thought everybody's parents told him that. I guess not, right? I mean, but that's sort of encouragement at. At a young age. And that was. I mean, that was a theme in my household. You could do anything you put your mind to. Well, I said to her, I thought about it for a second. Now, bear in mind, I'm using child logic because I'm 4 or 5 years old. I said, could I grow hair on my chest? And she says, yes, you know, given the right amount of time. And then I flipped it on her, because now she's told me I can do anything I put my mind to. So after I said, can I grow hair on my chest? And I think I was setting her up, and she said, of course. I said, how about you? Can you? And she said, well, I suppose if I put my mind to it, I could grow hair on my chest. And so that phrase grew hair on my chest, grow hair on my became something. A tagline or something in my family. For example, my mother was a great networker, and people would call her night and day to, you know, her name was Dixie, Dixie, I need help with this. And she loved doing it for the reason for the thing that makes great networkers. She gave value first without expectation of return. She did it for no. She had no. No expectation any of it ever come back to help her out. And so when she would do something that was possible, Glenn, but not probable for someone else, she would come in the back door after work, and the first thing out of her mouth would be, hey, kids, guess what? I grew hair on my chest today.

Oh, that's so good.

And. Well, do tell. And so each victory was celebrated like that. So that became something we say in the family. I grew hair on my chest today.

Do you have T shirts and hats with that saying I should have.

Well, and let me give you a brief story. The best thing I've ever done. And if I never do anything else in my life that's good, this should get me into heaven, if there is such a place. Because of my mother, because I did see, Glenn, I didn't know that not everybody knew how to network. I didn't know that was a skill you had to acquire until I saw a book At Barnes and Noble. I'm like, people don't know how to do this right? Because it was like breathing from my mother. And I learned at her knee. And so anyway, I'm taking a martial arts class on Whidbey island in the Puget Sound in Washington. One of the students comes in that morning, Elise. And she's crying. And I said, why are you crying? She says, well, because we're trying to adopt a child from Nepal. Nepal. My husband's there right now on his last visa. And everybody signed off on the child coming to the US to be ours, except for Homeland Security. I said, how old's the child? She said, he's three. I said, I've never had a three year old, but I don't think they're that big a terrorist. So the problem was at the time, in the world, in the United States, the Republicans were in charge in Washington, Bush and both houses of Congress, Republican. She was very well connected with the Democrats in the state of Washington, the governor, the two senators. But that's not going to help you when the, you know, all three branches of government are controlled by the Republicans. So I said to her, I'll see what I can do. Which is exactly what my mother would have said. So I think I was channeling her because my next thought was, did I just say that out loud? Wow. I did. And I believe Glenn, there is a power in giving voice to something like that. Once I've uttered that, my brain begins to try to figure out how we can make this happen. So I'm driving home from class and I'm thinking, I need a Republican, somebody with some juice in D.C. who loves kids. And there's a guy named Tom Fetzer, who, he was in ninth grade. I was in eighth. And then when we were adults and I was back in Raleigh working a radio show, we worked out of the Y together. So we'd been friends for a long time. And he had been the. The number one, the chief aide, the aide de camp to a. One of the Southern senators back in the day. So he had a lot of friends in the Republican Party, you know, in the Senate. So I called Tom and I gave him the story. And he said, bless his heart. He goes, I'll see what I can do. My kind of guy. Now Tom. And Tom's Republican, and I am such a flaming liberal, I can't pump my own gas. That's why I live in Oregon, because they pump it for you. Because I would burst into flames. So we have nothing in common politically, but that's not the important thing here. So he called up Elizabeth Dole, who was at the time the senator, one of the two senators from North Carolina. That's like Tuesday and Wednesday. And I called Tom back on Thursday. Well, how did it go? And he said, well, Liddy Dole, her nickname called Homeland Security. And I said, well, what did she say to Homeland Security? He said, well, let me quote Elizabeth Dole, who quote Tom, I tore him a new asshole. Elizabeth Dole. So, so the, the Homeland Security signed off on it. They sent it in a diplomatic pouch to Nepal. And then on Monday there, Sunday our time, the father and the three year old got on a plane. But Monday our time, I'm in class and there's no Elise. Tuesday, no Elise. I'm thinking, oh man, it didn't work. Work. Because if it did not work, they didn't have the money or the wherewithal to go back to Nepal to try again. So Tuesday after my class, I'm in the grocery store wishing my bug in. Around the corner, around the end of the aisle comes Elise holding the hand of a darling three year old boy. Now she's crying, I'm crying. And she says, this is. And the young man's name was Abby. I knew that. She goes, this is. And I said, I would recognize him anywhere. And then Avi looks up at me, beautiful brown eyes, and he said this Avi, go pee pee. And I said, yes. And on American soil, I might add.

Yes.

So that's exactly what my mother. What are the odds a comedian on Whidbey island can influence international. Half or three fourths away around the world to free up a child from Nepal to come back to the United States. And, and, and I had nothing to gain by it. Tom Fetzer, my friend, nothing to gain by it. Liddy Dole, nothing to gain by. But it was the right thing to do and we all did our part. And that's, I think that's the power of networking.

And that's not only the power of networking, but the power of attitude. And that's, that's why we're here. Right. And so what's your definition of attitude? How would you define it?

I believe it's all tied into finding your passion and your purpose. I think the attitude will come once you lock in on what you, who you are supposed to be and what you are supposed to be doing. And then the attitude, I believe, just comes, comes with that package.

Right? Right.

If that makes. I don't have to get myself up to do my job, I don't have to get pumped up, to do my job. I don't have to force myself. I go to bed thinking about suicide prevention. I wake up thinking about suicide pre. I bump into people who can help me move that forward. Just by coincidence, I suppose. You know, people find out about me and, you know, reach out to me because I believe. I believe because my attitude is correct. Because my attitude is this is what I'm supposed to be doing and this is who I am. And then the rest of it seems to flow organically.

And so who were you before you knew who you were? And what was your. What was your attitude then? Because I think there's something to be learned by people who are upset, displaced, lost, if you can funnel into that person before you figure it out, that fateful day in 1984 when everything, I think, changed for you. But let's just visit Frank King a little bit prior to that date. And what was your attitude and who were you and what were you doing and what's the story there?

High school was great. I almost stayed an extra year because back then you could stay an extra year. I was gonna take Spanish again, some trig because it's horrible at math. Typing I wish I hadn't taken. But my girlfriend at the time who eventually became my first wife said, you'll be behind if you stay back a year in high school. You get to college and you find out not everybody's on the four year plan. I could have stayed, but I decided to live up to her expectations. So I went to college. She went to a different college, different town, and we made it work long distance. And then we graduated. And here's how I got engaged. She said, we're too old to keep dating. We were 22. I'm not going to live with you. Which would have been my choice, Glenn. You know, lease with an option to buy, right? And so she said, either you marry me or I'm out of here. And I said, okay. That's how I got engaged.

It sounds so romantic, I know, but.

You'D be surprised when people come up to me after a presentation to go, man, that was me, right? And people go, well, if you knew an intuition was screaming, Glenn, intuition was screaming, you're doing the wrong thing. So I think, to answer your question, short answer, listen to your intuition. I haven't ignored it since. People say, why didn't you back out? Well, you know what happens when you get engaged is time begins to speed up. It seems no sooner have you said, okay, then the invitations go out, the gifts are coming in the relatives are flying in and next thing you know, you're standing in front of a guy with his collar on backwards saying, I do. Right? And I knew going down the aisle I was making a mistake. When I said, said I do, in my head I heard, I'll try. Right? You don't try marriage. You try grape nuts for a couple of weeks. So I was married to the wrong woman. Although she's lovely. I couldn't find a job out of college because I'm a clown. And so I got a job with her father's insurance company. Insurance business. But I hated it.

Well, a lot of liberals there in the insurance business.

Yeah, yeah. And so what I believed I should be doing stand up comedy. And we were living in San Diego, there's a comedy store there. And they got, at the time they had two open mic nights. But because my wife was so anti me being a comedian, I didn't go. I wasn't going to open mic nights where I thought I belonged. So we have a family history of depression and suicide. It's called generational depression and suicide. My grandmother died by suicide. My mom found her. My great aunt died by suicide. My mom and I found her. I was four years old. I screamed for days. And fast forward 2010 when we lost everything in the last recession. I can tell you what the barrel of my gun tastes like, literally. So but at that time in January of 85, and this is in the TED Talk you were running on the screen earlier. Yeah, suicide. The secret of my success. Dead man talking.

Right.

That what it was was I was depressed and suicidal, married to the wrong woman, although she's wonderful, in the wrong business, although it's a great business and not doing what I believed I was born to do. So let's say I had a bad attitude.

Right? Well, and if you saw my LinkedIn post, I think it was from yesterday, it called are you envision prison and who's your prison guard? I mean, this is exactly what our Gappers that are listening have to be identifying with. You sounded like you were literally in prison and your wife and your mind and your attitude was keeping you locked in. Right. So go ahead. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt.

Yes. Now bear in mind I'm depressed. I live with chronic suicidal ideation. I can explain that later on what that is because there are probably somebody listening now who has it and doesn't know it has a name. And I thought to myself, if I don't change something, it's chronic suicidal ideation. If I don't change something, I'm going to kill myself sooner rather than later. My second thought was, well, wait a minute, I could quit my job, divorce my wife. Try comedy. If it works, great. If it doesn't, hell, I can still kill myself. So that's how I got into comedy. Because I start my TEDx talk by saying, what would you do if you knew for sure you couldn't lose or couldn't fail? What audacious thing would you attempt if you knew by not attempting it and staying put, you would literally die. That's where I was. Like standing on the edge of a cliff, there's a wildfire coming up behind you, raging. Down below, maybe 10 stories, is a beautiful lake deep enough to, you know, to break your fall or break your neck, depending on how fast you get going. But if you stay on the cliff, the fire is going to take you. You're definitely going to die. That's where I was. So, you know, if you jump, you might hit just right and swim away. So there are few things more powerful on this planet than somebody with absolutely nothing to lose.

Yes.

I was able to put the entire thing on one, roll the dice. Because intuitively I knew that's now I get on stage that first night, 4-1-20. April 1, 1984. April Fool's Day. Halfway through my five minute set, and I'm talking, I'm doing my jokes, but inside my head I hear a second voice that says this. You're home.

Awesome.

Wow. I locked in on who I was and what I was supposed to be doing at that moment. And, and even though I live with depression, thoughts of suicide, because I was doing what I came here to do and I was who I was supposed to be, then the depression, I mean, it sort of took a backseat. It's always there, like dos running under windows. It's not going anywhere. It's in my DNA, but it's because I was doing what I was supposed to be doing and who I was supposed to be. And it was almost, again, effortless. I mean, it's hard work, but it didn't feel like, you know what I mean? If I'd known how hard it was to make a living doing comedy before, and I was on the road. We were on the road. Glenn, My wife and I started out as my girlfriend and then became my wife shortly thereafter. 2,629 nights in a row, nonstop. No home.

Yeah, that's seven years. But it's so glamorous. Everybody wants to be a speaker until they try. They're like, oh, you know, Glenn, I'm like, you don't understand. Being on stage for an hour, it's awesome. But all the stuff before and after and being a comedian is being a speaker times 50. It's the highest form of performance, really, of keynote speaking.

Yeah. Because you're looking for a reaction as a comedian every seven to nine seconds.

Right.

I got to tell you, when I became. When I went from being a funny speaker to a speaker who was funny that first year or so, speaking when the laughs only came every couple three minutes, was a little uncomfortable. I mean, they're paying attention.

No dopamine.

Yeah, yeah. They're very quiet. They're really paying attention. So now, because I'm teaching something, I don't even think about that anymore. That's the fact that I'm not getting a laugh every 79 seconds. So on the road for seven years and change.

Wow.

Worked with Seinfeld, Dennis Miller, Ron White, Jeff Foxworthy, Ellen DeGeneres, Rosie.

Oh, my gosh.

Adam James, Adam Sandler. Opened up for Lou Rawls two shows. Hotel del Coronado on New Year's Eve. You will never hunt. I know that.

Oh, yeah. Wow. Frank, that's something great.

Time came off the road, went to work at a radio station in Raleigh, my old hometown. Got a dream job. Morning show host. I took a number one morning show and drove it to number six in 18 months.

Congratulations.

Friend of mine said that you didn't drive it into the ground, you drove it in the middle of earth. And I did. And by then, Glenn, the comedy club circuit was fading. Oh. But I'd always been very clean. So I decided to be a corporate comic. After dinner, after lunch. You know, the rubber chicken circuit, which I did for. Until 2007.

Wow.

Early 2000, when the last recession hit and I was making like 5 grand for 45 minutes. It was just crazy because HR people will pay a lot of money for the jokes you don't tell.

Yes.

And the wisdom to know the difference. I've had people say that to me. We're paying you how much for 45 minutes of jokes? No, you're paying me so that when I get done with my job. You still have a job.

You better believe it. I'm here to make you look great, right?

Yeah. So then when the world came back after the last recession, you know, speaking world, they said to me, frank, look, we love you. We can't pay that kind of money just to be funny anymore. You have got to teach our audience something.

Right?

And just when you and me, Glenn, I'd always wanted to make a living and a difference somehow.

Sure.

Beyond 45 minutes of, you know, whatever, dopamine or making people laugh or whatever. And I got a book by a woman named Judy Carter called the Message of you, the Message of youf by Judy Carter. And the subtitle is probably the most accurate one or best one. It's called how, let's see how. How to turn your life into a money making speaking career.

Wow.

Well, duh. And I went into the book, Bill. Glenn, I'm sorry, Glenn. Thinking I had nothing. And halfway through, she leads you almost fill in the blank point by point to where you figure out what your hard story is. The one you must share.

Yes.

And I realized I could speak on suicide prevention. I could take my experience, my family's mental health history, more nuts than a squirrel turd, and get some suicide prevention training, which I did continue to this day and keynote on, you know, suicide prevention. Now, here's the deal. I've been a comic for two decades and change all the meeting planners, speakers bureaus, think of me as a funny guy. How am I going to rebrand? Well, the TEDx talk. I thought if I do a TEDx and talk about suicide prevention. So I got the first one I ever applied for. And on that stage, at age 52, I came out to the world as depressed and suicidal. Nobody knew. My wife, my friends, my family. When my wife's about to play it on YouTube, I said, look, before you hit play, I got a half dozen things I need to tell you. You don't know.

Wow.

Yeah, because I've gone to the barn, taken out the revolver, pull back the hammer, stuck in my mouth just to see if I could do it.

And what was this? What year? And what day was that?

2010. April 10th.

April 10th, 2010. Wow.

Yeah, we'd lost everything and we just filed Chapter 7 bankruptcy. Lost everything we'd worked for in 25 years. Spoiler alert, by the way. I did not pull the trigger. I said that in the keynote pre Covid. And a friend of mine was in the audience, he never heard me say that. He came up afterwards, he goes, hey man, how come you didn't pull the trigger? And go, hey man, could you try to sound slightly less disappointed? Right. The reason I didn't pull the trigger, Glenn, was I had a million dollar life insurance policy. I was worth more dead than alive. I figured my wife would be better off without me. That's called burdensomeness. Burdensomeness. It's all it's right there. In almost every suicide, the person figures the world would be better off without me. The problem was having sold insurance probably saved my life because I knew, wow, my life insurance policy had to have. I'd have to pay 24 months of premiums. And if I pulled up short, died at month 22 by suicide, they would pay nothing.

Right.

And that's where I was. I called my insurance agent. He goes, you've had the policies 22 months and no, don't you do it.

Oh my gosh, he knew you. Obviously he had those calls before and.

He delivered the checks.

Yeah.

So I had to wait two months to kill myself. But because I have chronic suicidal aviation and I'm capable of doing that at any moment, I can wait two months. Right. Fortunately, when two months passed, I can't even tell you what I thought on day 61. Did I think to myself, well, should I do it? I think things didn't improve just enough. And so, and then, then that, that's why I'm still here is because my, because if it, if it had been 24 months in a day, I'd have pulled the trigger and my wife would have gotten a million bucks. So that, so, and that and that go. That's in the first TEDx talk, right? Me telling these stories and that. And all of a sudden people realized I could do something serious. And what I didn't know at the time was hardly anybody talks about depression and thoughts of suicide. Even though one person dies, Glenn, every nine minutes in the U.S. that's 146 a day. That's 7:37 going into the ground like a lawn dart. Everybody dies every day. However, if you mention it out loud, almost everyone has a story. It's almost as if they've been waiting for somebody to utter the magic words depression and suicide to give voice to it. Second thing is men don't talk about it, Especially men don't talk about it. Big boys don't cry. That's how I was raised. You don't share things that are emotional like that. So I'm sort of a unicorn in that way. I'm not a clinician, but. And I am a man and I get up on stage and I'm vulnerable, I tell my story, I get choked up. And again, it gives people in the eyes permission to give voice to their feelings and experience. Now, chronic suicidal ideation means that for me and people in my tribe, the option of suicide dogs on the menu as a solution for problems large and small. And I tell the audience when I Say small. My car broke down a couple years ago. I had three thoughts on bit, get it fixed, buy a new one, or I could just kill myself, right? I had a young woman come up after a college show and say, thanks for your keynote. I said, you're welcome. She goes, but I gotta tell you, it made me weep. How did it make you weep? She said, you know the story about your car? Get it fixed, buy new, and kill yourself. She goes, I've been having those thoughts all my life. I didn't know it had a name. I just thought I was some kind of freak and completely alone. And when I heard you say that out loud, I realized for the first time in my life that I am not, in fact, alone. And I wept.

Yeah. Cool.

There's a why.

Right?

Yeah. So something about sharing your story. The vulnerability really is my superpower, I believe, and, and that I'm willing to share it. And that, by the way, is very therapeutic for me to know that I'm helping people. And many of whom I'll never meet. They'll never come up and say anything, but, you know, they may have said something or done something that would change the trajectory of their lives and, you know, they'll live a normal life, perhaps because they realize that they're not alone.

Do you still consider yourself suicidal or have you beat it, or is it like being an alcoholic? What's your thought on that?

Well, because it runs in my family. It's in my DNA, so there's not any beating it or fighting it. It's just the way I'm wired now. The good news is I believe in my third TED Talk was called Mental Benefits, the Evolutionary Advantages of Mental Illness. Because I kept meeting people who had mental illness but were incredibly talented in some other area. And I thought, this cannot be a coincidence. I believe I'm not broken. I said that at a TEDx audience. I don't. I don't think I'm broken. I believe I was made this way because I believe my creativity and imagination, comic ability are simply the flip side of my depression. Thoughts of suicide. Same brain, Right. Wiring's. The same. Processes are the same. I can teach you to do stand up, right? Stand up. I cannot teach. To process information the way my brain does. Right. And I think that's, you know, it's, it's. And the point of the TED was, was that what if those of us with a mental illness are not living with a genetic mutation, but an amazing evolutionary adaptation?

Yes.

And what if mental illness is, as Malcolm Gladwell says in his book David and Goliath, of such things, a desirable disadvantage. You would never wish it on anybody. However, it comes with certain advantages. And what if we could convince a child, yes, you have a mental disability, but what people hardly ever tell you is you probably have a couple of mental abilities your peers can't touch. And I got to tell you, every time I've talked to a parent who has a child on the spectrum or with a behavioral issue or mental illness, I always go, well, is there anything they're really good at? And to a person, sure, you know, I. So I think, you know, it's that sort of finding the. Finding the blessing in disguise.

So tomorrow, Joe Biden says, you know what? I just. My eggs are scrambled and I'm going to app. Frank King, President and actually King of the United States. What would be like the number one policy or the number one or two influence shifts that you think we could do at a higher level? Now, I realize that this is going to make total sense, and it will probably work and it will probably never happen because it's going to have to go through too much stuff. But maybe, just maybe, Frank, if we get some really smart ideas flowing, in 40 years, when you and I are both in the box, maybe it may hit. What would you do as a leader to say, there's this mental health challenge and it's coming out now more than ever. Right. It's topical. What do you think the one or two real big solutions would be? I'm sure it's probably simple. A lot of people may know the answers, but from your perspective, this is what you do. Well, what would you say? I'm President Frank King. This is gonna happen now.

But now, in terms of mental illness.

Yep. Or suicide prevention.

Yeah. What first thing I would do is I would end the war on drugs. I would take the money that they use. Interdiction, incarceration, you know, interdiction, incarceration. And the police, you know, the administration of the policing. Sure. And sink that into mental health treatment.

Yes.

So that anybody with a substance abuse disorder or mental or behavioral issue walks into a facility, they get a bed right away. There's no waiting. I mean, there are veterans who I've read about where they said, look, I've tried therapy, I've tried drugs. I need an inpatient facility. And it's Pennsylvania, I think. And they said, well, we won't have a bed probably for 12 weeks. Well, of course, you know how the story ends.

Yeah.

Never made the 12 weeks. So I think you should have mental health Treatment substance abuse disorder, treatment on demand. And use the money that we've wasted in the war on drugs all these years and built the, you know, the prison, whatever industrial complex. Yeah, that would be. I mean, that's gonna.

Can you imagine? I mean, I know, but could you imagine how awesome that would be? I mean, God, I think about that, you know, people that have nowhere to go, nothing to do, no one to talk to, to have that resource would be pretty incredible. Great idea. You got any more?

Yes, actually, a friend of mine was a. He took over the. The county mental health facility or department in San Antonio. I can't remember the name of the county San Antonio is in, but he took it over there in the red. They were getting ready to build another jail because back then, if you had a meltdown, the police picked you up and dropped you in jail, which is really not a great mental health facility. Right. So he got all the police in his area and sheriffs trained in what's called. It's crisis intervention training, cit. So they can recognize the difference between a crime and a crisis.

Right.

And then he said, look, if they are sober, you take them to this mental health facility. If they are intoxicated, you take them to this mental health facility. And anyway, he brought that department black into the. Back into the black. And several years. And they ended up not having to build the additional jail. And they're renting out beds to other jurisdictions in other states because they've got room, because they quit dumping mentally ill people. Just. That was the default.

Put them in jail. That's amazing. Wow. And what's his name? If you. Not to put you on the spot.

Yeah, that's right. I don't know.

It's okay. Don't worry about it. It's all right. So. Yeah, that's pretty. What an unbelievable story. Right? It's just putting compassion back into things. And compassion is. And attitude.

And I've got a client who wants to do a TEDx. It's the head physician for the Canadian military. And he is doing experiments with psilocybin, which is the psychoactive ingredient in magic mushrooms. And they are finding that with heavy duty therapy and micro doses of psilocybin, which is hallucinogenic, is very effective on depression, PTSD and substance abuse disorder. And it may not just be a patch, it may actually be a rewiring and a fix in small doses with heavy duty therapy. So I would make. I would. I would. In Oregon in 2023, in January, it becomes legal for me under a psychiatrist care to take micro doses of magic mushrooms and. Yeah, and I would make that nationwide. I would make, I would make cannabis both medical and recreational, recreational and medical legal across the country. And in Oregon, you know how much? There's no sales tax in Oregon except on one thing, and it's Cannabis and it's 20%. Wow.

Totally worth it, might I add, you think?

And the stake is 17%. They were thinking they might make $6 million in taxes. The first year it was legal. They made $6 million in the first quarter in taxes. They had to up armor the tax. Building glass cameras, guards, razor wire, because you can't take weed money from your weed business to the bank if it's federally chartered. You have to pay your taxes in cash. So guys are showing up with buckets of cash.

Holy moly. Unbelievable.

And by the way, part of the money they make from the taxes on weed goes into treatment. Hello. So that's what I would do. And you know, Oregon decriminalized pretty much all drugs down to a personal use parking ticket fine. I mean, if you got, if you're carrying enough weight to sell, you're in trouble.

Right?

But just for personal use, it's like a hundred dollar parking ticket.

Right.

So again, put those resources someplace else.

President Frank King, it was good to have your insight on that. Now we're going to do something fun, Frank, that we do with all of our guests and we call it knowledge through the decades. And we're going to walk through your life and ask you what was the attitude lesson as you hit 10, 20, 30, 40, 50? You're not 60, are you?

64 and three quarters.

Well, then we get to go to 60 with you. So we're a heavily edited podcast, so if you screw it up, whatever, you're a comedian, my guess is you're going to come up with answers pretty quick. But the first thing that we always like to start with is the attitude lesson of a newborn baby. What do you think the attitude lesson of new life or new birth is that our gappers can take with us?

Well, people ask me why I don't kill myself. It's a good question. And I recommend if somebody is suicidal but doesn't have a detailed plan, say to them, what's keeping you here? Tell me out loud. My mother wanted and father wanted children desperately. They my mother got pregnant, carried it to term, and it died shortly after birth. A year later, she got pregnant again, she carried it to term and it died shortly after birth. Somewhere, somehow she found the courage to try a third time and I was born a fourth time. My sister was born. I have no idea where you find that kind of courage. How do you. I mean, that's attitude out the wazoo.

Yes.

So. And by the way, the same obstetrical team was with her all three pregnancies. Wow. So when I was newborn and they slapped my butt and I cried, everybody in the room cried.

Oh, that's so cool.

Because I'd taken a breath And I had 10 fingers and 10 toes. And my grandmother, who had a horrible attitude. My grandmother, father standing outside the. You know, the. Where they have all the bassinets lined up and the, you know, maternity work, and they're looking at it, and it says, frank Marshall King iii, little tag on my bassinet. And my grandmother looks at that, my rosy cheeks turned to my father and said, honey, don't get your hopes up. That can't be yours. He's way too healthy.

We'll take the attitude lesson of courage for new birth and newborn. And obviously, Dixie's been pretty good. Go ahead.

And the reason. One of the reasons I stay is because my mother was so brave.

Yeah.

And worked so hard to bring me here that I have to be as brave and work at least as hard to stick around to my appointed time. So that was the lesson, my birth lesson.

That's cool. And is she still with us?

No. Three packs of Marlboroughs and a little bit of Old Crow. She died at 62, I'm afraid.

Yeah, my mom was similar. Loved the smokes and loved the scotch, but that's why we're so damn funny. So let's dedicate this show to Dixie for sure. This is Glenn Bill with the Get Attitude podcast, dedicating this show to the lovely Dixie King, now 10 years old. Do you remember being 10? You'd have been in third, fourth grade. Love to know if you remember your teacher. What was the attitude lesson you learned at 10?

Okay, 10. I'm in Mrs. Dark's fourth grade class. I'm supposed to be wearing glasses because everybody in my family is terribly nearsighted. I wrote a joke that we're all descended from the people of the island of Myopia, which was conquered over and over because they never saw the bad guy coming. Thank you. Thanks for getting that. I'm terribly vain. And back then, and you know, when I'm 10, there were no fashion frames, right. Black plastic, little tiny rockets. Girls had cat eye glasses. They're fashionable now.

Of course, I'm wearing them, but, you.

Know, I'm already wearing a Van Line shirt. Polyester pants and Hush Puppies, which is basically head to toe birth control, because no woman is ever going to be anywhere close to me. I really don't want to add the glasses to top it all off, but my teacher knows that I cannot see the board, even sit in the front row. She decides I'm not wearing my glasses because I'm worried about what the kids are gonna, you know. So she thinks, and it was pretty good idea. Get Frank to the front of the class, turn him away, put his glasses on, turn him back, let everybody see it, you know, pull the band aid off, let everybody see his glasses at once. And then let's, you know, put that to bed. So she gets in the front of the room, turns me around, puts my glasses on, turns me back to the audience. Audience the class, and looks down at me, goes, see? You look intelligent. And this is the first joke I ever told. It was an ad lib. I looked up at her and I said, yes, that would explain all the laughter. And in that moment, in fourth grade at age 10, I decided I am going to be. Because she was hysterical. I am going to be a comedian. Years later, she said to me, frank, that was the funniest thing a child ever said before or since. I am telling you, I said, well, that's when I decided to be a comedian. Then I did the 12th grade. Well, go ahead. That was my 10th in that first 10 years. That was my.

Yeah, you found your destiny. The bottom line is, I think the attitude lesson there is, you're never too young to find your destiny. And I think you had a Freudian slip when she said, look at the class. And you said the audience exactly right.

I think I feel blessed in that. I realized I still feel blessed to this day because a lot of people, you know, they, they really do. Either they won't admit what they should be doing or they don't know.

Yeah, right, right. And there's, there's a lot of reason because of that too. Let's move on to 20. You had to be a damn handful of 20. I can't wait to hear this story. I'll accept 21 year old stories too, because that's when you could hit the booze. But what's the attitude lesson when you were 20?

Well, my girlfriend had gone to the University of Arizona, which is 2,000 miles away from where I was, University of North Carolina, Chapel Hill. And I realized as my college career drew to an end, I'd been on campus with 10,000 women and many of them very attractive, dateable bettable women. Well, I decided when I went into college I was going to remain faithful to what would become my first wife, which is sad because that was 1975 to 1979. Pretty much the last four years of the sexual revolution. I never even got off a shot. I have carpal tunnel to this day. Yeah. Because I beat it like it owed me money. Anyway, I may have to edit that out. The lesson was, hell, no.

Or not. Go ahead.

Make use of available resources, and I'll tell you where. I delivered pizzas for a local pizza company. And the guy that owned the company, that was his line, because he knew I was holding my weight. Holding my, you know, for marriage. Holding out for marriage. And he. And, you know, it wasn't like I was unattractive. I wasn't. I wasn't an incel. Involuntarily celibate, by the way. Back then, pretty much every guy I knew was involuntarily. Nobody guarantees you a woman. I'm sorry. That's why God created hookers. Right. Anyway, the. What I learned was I should have been, you know, been sexually active in my college years when it was very easy. And nobody died.

Right.

Because it was pre-80s, which was when the eights came in.

So I'm gonna go with. The attitude lesson is, number one, resourcefulness. And number two is the attitude of regret.

Yeah. And she would have never known. My first wife would have never known. I mean, you know, I love it. But that I had been. But I wouldn't. And she, I believe, remained a virgin. I'm not sure.

Well, you may know. But anyway, now let's get to 30 years old. Right? You're out of college. You're maybe on the. Are you on stage doing the comedy thing at 30? And so what's your attitude lesson at 30?

The. I'm doing what I. There's a great joy and power and doing what you're supposed to be doing.

Cool.

You know, who you. Who you are supposed to become and what you are supposed to be doing. And I knew because I think I went on the road about age 28 with my lovely wife. Second wife. And I mean, it was just. It was easy in that, you know, people go writing jokes. Tough. No, staying booked is hard.

Right.

You know, but writing jokes and performing is. I mean, by the time I get to the stage, that's the easy plan. Yeah, I'm. You know. Yeah.

If I was booked every day, I'd be fine. Right. I could go walk on stage and do 40 and. Or 60 in no time or 10 hours on, you know, but it's getting booked, right? It's the business.

People ask me, tell me about being a comedian speaker. I said, well, here's the deal. 80. I'm just a salesman who tells jokes and talks, right? Because 85 of my time is sales and marketing. 5% traveling, 5% writing, 5% performing. That's it. But the majority, I'm just a salesman, right? So a 100 commission. Eat what you kill.

Amen, salesperson. I love it. Go ahead.

And again, I was confident in my comedy ability. That's how I got to charge. That's how I could actually say out loud, I'm charging $5,000 for 45 minutes of jokes, right? And I charge more now to speak on suicide prevention because, hello, we're saving lives. Because somebody said to me, do you have any problem with imposter syndrome? I go, no. I've discovered. When I did a podcast with somebody who had imposter syndrome and defined it for me, I didn't know it existed, right? I said, dude, I got bad news for you. I think I have reverse imposter syndrome. But. So I think in my 20s, I realized I was in the right place doing the right thing. But in the back of my mind, Glenn, I'm still thinking, because I love Zig Ziglar and Brian Tracy, I could do that if I had something to say. So in the back of my mind, I'm thinking, I really would like to make a difference, but I have no idea. I'd like to be a public speaker in addition to a comedian, but I have no idea.

That's so cool. And you know what? You are making a difference, and that's great. And so now what we're doing is we're moving to when you turned 40. Do you remember turning 40? Was it monumental? Did you not care? And then what was the attitude lesson? What was the attitude of Frank King at 40?

Okay, my dad died at 40 on my birthday and Thanksgiving.

Holy moly.

Heart attack. They. Back then, in the 60s, they didn't realize that he probably had the aortic. The bicuspid aortic valve I was born with because it runs in families. So I was tracking this since I was 25, had my first echo, and they said, son, that's not a murmur. It's a bad valve. It had to be fixed sometime. So they don't do this. They don't wait this long anymore, Glenn. But they watched my echoes until I got to be 39. They said now. So December. December 19, 1995. I had my first aortic valve replacement.

Wow.

Yeah. I mean, it was so bad that if I'm standing on the. Let's say I'm standing on the corner and I'm going to go across the crosswalk and I get halfway across the street and there's a tractor trailer coming at me at light speed. I could either stand there and let the truck kill me or run to the other curb and drop dead of a heart attack. That's how bad it was.

So what's your attitude lesson out of that?

Well, life is short.

Yeah, right.

It's, it's, you know, it, it changed my, the frame for me since that moment, since my dad died at 40 and I had mine fix at 39. Since that moment, I've been living on borrowed time and I'm upside down on the mortgage.

Right, right, exactly. Well, you're, it's your mortality. We all sit there and go, holy shit, I don't have a lot of time left. So now you go ahead.

And the benefit of having major surgery and life. Is that I again know it's finite. Plus I'm seeing doctors every six months like clockwork ever since. So the reason men die oftentimes is because they waited too long to get the PSA. Testosterone. Doctor in 20 years, who said to me, it's time you had your first colonoscopy.

Right.

So one of the reasons I'm still alive, ironically, is I had that life threatening ailment, got it fixed, and I've been watching very carefully all other, all the other parts of the body.

Yeah, very smart, very smart. You may have just saved a life right now. I mean, it's, it's true. The people that live the longest usually have great doctor care and are pretty smart about their body.

Men tend not to seek help or reach out. They wait too long. I said colonoscopy, lump in the testicle, chest pains, they figure it's a burrito.

And depression and suicidal thoughts.

Exactly. Again, they don't reach out for help because that's just not the way they're wired. So that was my lesson when I turned 40. And by the way, also the other lesson was I've been jogging up to that point and also played basketball on the weekends at La Jolla Rec, which is in San Diego. Bunch of guys got together. It was mostly social, but basketball as well. I love playing basketball. And I ran my 40th birthday, got home and I was thinking about basketball. I don't know if you've ever done this, Glenn, but If I was playing basketball and I was just exhausted after who knows how many games, and I got ready to leave and the other nine guys left on the court say, you can't leave, you make 10. No matter how tired I was, I'd get back on the court and play another half dozen games until everybody gave up. And I realized I've never run five miles, come home thought to myself, I think I'll run another five.

Right?

That was the last step. I took chalk and I thought, unless.

There'S a ball involved, I'm done. I love it. How about 50? Monumental birthday for a lot of people. Where were you? What were you doing? What is the attitude lesson from 14 years ago? You hit 50. What were you thinking?

I'm thinking that there was no end to the real estate boom.

Oh, really? There you go.

Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah, we had a bunch of rentals, some negative cash flow. We sold a bunch of real estate and bought a $600,000 farm.

Oh, wow.

Paid half down with all the money from the other properties, figuring I'm now bulletproof.

Right.

But the payment's $2,300 a month and have some negative cash flow on the rental. And so when the recession hit and Spigen dropped off 80%, it wasn't like I was blowing money on sea dues and coke. Right. We just had too much negative cash flow and not enough income.

Yeah.

And so, but at 50, I thought, man, I pulled it off. I bought a over half million dollar farm. I've got half equity in this thing. My speaking careers, I mean, my comedy coach, corporate comedy cranking. This is how life's going to be the rest of our days. We're going to retire with a million dollars. It was about a million dollars in real estate. And so I figured if I paid it all off, then we could rent each piece out and that would be our retirement.

Sure. I'm in the real estate game, so I know it well. But it sounds like attitude lesson for 50 was completely complete optimism with no thought of the other foot coming down, getting smacked upside your head, which obviously happened, and it happened to a lot of people. And what do you think was the number one way or attitude that you said, okay, that happened, you started from scratch all over again. What was it that helped you bridge the gap from where you were to where you wanted to go? How did you get over financial ruin?

Well, first, I didn't kill myself. Second, we bought a book right after we filed bankruptcy called rebuilding your credit after bankruptcy.

Wow.

And we did it. You know, you get A card with, you know, a small limit and then you pay it, you know, you pay it off immediately when you buy something and then they up your limit and then, you know, and so it goes.

So you, number eight, attitude booster, grow or die. And you chose to grow. And as we always talk about with our Gappers, there is no problem that you cannot grow through. So I think that's a great, a great message. Now this is the last one. 60, right? You're 64. Tell me about being 60. And then we're going to close the show because we got to get going. But what's the attitude lesson of 60? And then I'm going to ask you one more question.

It's the early 60s and a friend of mine helped us refi the house. I got $150,000 in cash out, paid off, the credit cards down to zero. Have one year of credit card sobriety. All the balances are zero.

Congratulations.

And we paid the mortgage down from 150,000 to 76,000 in 11 months.

Yeah, that's great.

And it'll be down in the 60,000 next month. So what I learned was you need to be ready for the next recession. And if you have all the credit card paid off and you have your house paid off and your car paid off, then you're not recession proof. I don't think that's ever possible. But it sets you up in such a way you can sleep nights knowing you got a roof and a car and there's no balances on the credit card.

Yeah. And I call that certainty is good. The fundamental emotional need that each one of us has is this thing for a need of certainty. And boy, does certainty feel good. And being 60 has got to feel good. Frank King, you've just given us all kinds of great information walking through your life. Courage, your destiny, resourcefulness and regret. Joy. Life is a short thing. Total optimism. And let's prepare, let's prepare for something bad to happen, but let's create certainty in our life, at least financially, seeing that it's suicide prevention month. But I don't know that you need to really address that. We love for our guest to talk to our gappers, that's what we call them, and just give them a message of hope. Give them, I don't know, a well wish from Frank King. What would you like our Gappers to know about their life, about their attitude, about the possibilities and the wondrous thing called life that's ahead of them? What's your message of hope or your message for them, period?

Well, when I speak on suicide prevention, I'm not a clinician. It's not therapy. I'm just planting seeds of hope. And here's what makes me hopeful. Eight out of 10 people who are suicidal are ambivalent. They can't make up their minds. 9 out of 10 give hints in the week leading up to an attempt, which means they are still ambivalent and trying to get somebody to notice. So if you know what to look and listen for, suicide is the most preventable cause of death on the planet. And here's the message for your Gappers. You can make a difference. You can save a life, and you can do it by doing something as simple as Glenn and I are doing right here. And that is starting a conversation on suicide.

I love it. Frank King, you are the man. God bless you for your work and what you do. We will be promoting what you do, and the world's a better place because we got guys like you walking around in it. And thank you so much for being on the Gap. Take care, buddy.

My pleasure. All right. This podcast is a part of the C Suite Radio Network.

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