Ep30 - Beth McKinley

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This is not a death sentence. This doesn't mark you as a ruined person. It is what it is and so you've got to just move on.

Yet attitude means how can I proactively change the way I think? How can I proactively increase my life? How can I proactively create better relationships and better work situations for me to enjoy it and welcome to the Gap the Get Attitude Podcast. The Gap Bridging the gap from who you are to who you want to become. Hello, my name is Glenn Bill, founder of the University of Attitude, keynote speaker and international best selling author of the ABCs of Attitude. I've been very fortunate to help tens of thousands of people Get Attitude. Attitude. The secret formula to success. Your life and in your business. And this podcast will help you get yours. So let's get some. I want to welcome everybody. Today we have an unbelievable guest, Ms. Beth McKinley certified life and Health Coach. I want to also remind you to please subscribe on your favorite podcast platform. Please review us, please rate us, please share us, and please send us to somebody you know that could use a little attitude adjustment, that could use some movement in their life, that could use some insights, some answers from some unbelievably talented and educated people on becoming more and doing more with their life. Today, as I mentioned, we have Beth McKinley certified life and Health Coach. She is with get up and Go at getupandgo Life and she specializes in what is quite a big chunk of our gappers, which is what the hell are we gonna do with our life after 50? Beth welcome to the Get Attitude Podcast.

Thank you. It's an honor to be here. This is one of my big goals and hit Here I am on the Glen Bill show. What more could I want, right?

I love it. Thank you. It's so great for being here and thanks for all the support you give us at the University of Attitude. And boy, I was just really captivated with your story and how you, you know, you were a dental hygienist for 30 years and now you've launched this whole new vision and this whole new business. Give us a little background if you would, on where you were standing at the beginning of the bridge, and then you walked over, you said, bye, bye to this career, and now I'm starting anew, and you bridge the gap. So tell us about your journey. Tell us where you started, how you got through it in your head, and where you are now.

All right, well, first things. I'm a passionate Pollyanna. I'm obnoxiously optimistic, and I've been told I'm a dreamer. I'm the Energizer Bunny. And that's all good most of the time. And about three years ago, I found myself in a place I'd never been, and that was in a heap on the floor of my closet. For the first time in my life, I was disheveled and sobbing and asking myself who I was. And I didn't know who that was anymore. So I allowed myself as a passionate Pollyanna to lay there maybe five or 10 minutes, and I said, you better get your butt up right now and get over this. And I literally went, washed my face, put myself together, and realized that I had let myself go, that I had let myself get in this slump. My attitude was poor. I wasn't exercising. I gained about 30 pounds. I didn't have any vision. I didn't have any goals. And so I did not wait until Monday. This was on a Thursday. The very next morning, I got up and I started an exercise routine. And I think that forward motion, that anything we do, whether it's something very small or it's something fairly large, you've got to get that motion going. And so that's what started this for me. I'd been doing. I've lived in the same town my entire life. I'm 54 years old, so that was at 51. I worked in my father's dental office that we lived underneath until just this last September, when I relocated to Noblesville. I'm little town in North Manchester, 6,000. I have new career, I have new friends. I have a new relationship. I have a whole new life. And is it scary? Yeah, it's scary, but it's absolutely fantastic. So that is kind of my. That is my Cliff Note version of where I was and where I'm going.

Sure. And then. So talk to me about becoming certified in life and health coaching. You said, okay, we know this motion creates emotion. One of the most healthy things you can do for your attitude is to move, is to get moving physically, because emotion is the gas that drives our action of what I call our action car. So you did that. But then it looks to me, or it sounds like that you said, okay, I'm at least moving and I'm creating emotion and I'm creating energy. But now I maybe need some formal help or some formal content to either teach, to divulge, to eat up. And that's what we have here at the Gap. But talk to me a little bit about what you studied and what that was like and what you learned. Some, maybe two or three of the biggest things when it comes to life coaching and. Or health coaching or both.

Yes. So I sought out a certified program and I found one online. It's called the Health Coach institute. I did 90% of my training online and the other 10% I went to Texas and did an in person training with a large group. And then we do practice clients. I still have a community there that I in contact with. So that's how I gained my certification.

Cool.

I work on one with clients, I work with large groups and so that's how I did that. And it really started though chairside dental hygiene because we set, we're kind of like a hairdresser or bartender. People will unload their lives. Right. And so kept hearing this repeated story over and over again. You know, I don't have any hope or I have a bad attitude or I don't even like my spouse anymore and all this is doom and gloom and how are you so happy? Are you so healthy you got to get your butt moving? You know, you got to do something to change this and to stop. Let's don't blame and let's do all this negative things. So in that training, what I do as a health coach is I'm not a counselor. I'm not going to go back into your childhood and figure out what in the world happened. I don't even care about that really. I'm going to meet you right where you're at today and then we're going to decide together where you want to be and we're going to work together and we're going to overcome obstacles and, and the truth is everyone already has all the tools inside of them. Sometimes they just need a little help unearthing them. So that's my job, is to meet you where you're at. We decide where you want to go and I'm going to help get you there.

And so when you are with your people, with your, I don't know, students I guess is what you call them or clients, we are focusing on number six, control your emotions. Right. And certainly you've mentioned some emotions, doubt, hopelessness, Fear. What can you tell our gappers right, about when you're working with people, what have you learned about emotions? And what have you learned about either controlling or handling your emotions in order to move forward? Certainly you help people do that when you're working with them.

Yes, I have a thing I call the 10 minute turnaround, but I've shortened it to three because literally people don't even have 10 minutes sometimes. So whether you're a stay at home mom or you're in a busy office, you need to go find. When you're, you know, you're at that point, reach your breaking point, you're just ready to blow. Someone has, you know, thrown that hook into your back and it's a circumstance, right? So we acknowledge that and you realize you're getting ready to blow. I suggest you go into the pantry and close the door. Go to the bathroom, close the door. But you've got to get set someplace by yourself and just give me three minutes. And in that three minutes, what I want you to do is close your eyes and envision breathing in yellow, warm, good air. So a 6, 4, 6. You're going to inhale for 6, hold it for 4, and then exhale audibly. Just the junk and the stress of whatever that external force was that is eliciting this emotion in you, you're ready to, you know, scream or yell or pounce or whatever is getting ready to happen. And so I even envision that as green or purple and just disgusting. Do that three or four times, step outside of that, reframe and think what is happening in that other person's life or in this situation. Think about that. How can I rethink this? Put a smile on your face and go out and face it. And I guarantee that will eliminate a lot of havoc in your life. Not because I have not failed miserably a million times with my temper, but that really has changed everything for me. Even if you have no place to go, turn into the corner of the room, even just got to get in your mind for just three minutes, you can avoid a lot of conflict.

Yeah, yeah, that's that. When we talk about, I guess, attitude number one, I'd love to know your definition of attitude. And when we talk about emotion, what is your definition of emotion? Who? Big questions. Sorry to put you on the spot.

That's good. That's. Yeah, that's big, isn't it?

There's no wrong answer. Just so you know.

You what?

There's no wrong answer. Just so.

No, there is so no wrong answer. You're right. Yeah. Attitude, I think, is to you.

What does it mean to you?

To me, my attitude is the essence of everything I am is every morning when I wake up, and it's funny that I'm in. I'm here in my daughter's house, not even in my own house when Glenn got a hold of me. And this is the house I lived in right after my divorce. And I bought this ridiculous rug. And I don't even know if it's still here, but it's all multicolored. It's just absurd. And I put it beside my bed because when I looked at that rug, it started. My attitude of the world is out there for you to grab today. And you have a choice when you put your feet on that floor, how it's going to look.

Yeah.

Every day, we all have the same opportunity. We have the opportunity to have a positive or a negative attitude, and it is going to have the ripple effect when you throw a stone in the water on everybody around you, but mainly with yourself. So I just think you have got to start your day in a positive attitude. There is just no other choice. That is it. It's going to set the whole day for you. And the other one was, the question was.

Yeah. How do you find emotion? How do you define it? Or what does emotion mean to you? And do you think about emotion? Do you leverage your emotion? And what's your favorite emotion?

My favorite emotion is easy. It's passion. And everybody thinks sex as soon as they hear passion, which. That's a good part of it. But there's so much more to it. If you're around me very long, if you go out to eat with me, it is an experience. I am incredibly passionate about food. I mean, I see. I look at it, I embrace it. I love good wine. I mean, I love to mix the flavors. And it's the same thing when I'm going to go on this hike today is I'm going to feel, touch, smell here. I mean, I think you've got to just be more meaningful in our life. No matter what it is. If you're standing at the bar and you're just shoving your food and not even tasting it, what good is that? But if you sit down with your family around the table and you have this, it doesn't even matter what the meal is. Sometimes it's the connection that we have across it. But I'm very passionate about pretty much everything I do.

Yeah, that's cool. I can hear it come through. And congratulations. I think being Passionate is something that is so necessary. You brought up one point of your life, a divorce. Right. And when we talk about attitude, when we talk about our gappers, I know for a fact a lot of our gappers have been through life changes, marital changes, financial reversals, relationship reversals. What is your best advice having lived through it? Right. And you know, hey, there's blame on both sides. There's some divorces, there's blame on one person. But from a mindset perspective, right. From a mental health perspective, if one of our gappers is going through this and can't get out of the cycle and is and as replaying it, is it my fault? Is it my fault? Is it my fault? Or how am I going to go on? How am I going to go on? Give us a couple, you know, one or two thoughts or exercises or questions that can help people through the personal reversals that are inevitable in 50% of relationships. Obviously, that's right. What would you tell them to make them feel better?

Please just stop doing that. Stop. Stop worrying about whose fault it was because it's 50, 50 no matter what, and how horrible it is. We don't need to get into that forgiveness immediately. You have to get into a mode of forgiveness. I'm a big fan of forgiveness and grace. Without that, you're just going to carry this burden around. And I don't want to do that. I've got a lot of life to live yet. So it's. Divorce is horrible, it's painful, and it's similar to grief. So I think once you can say stop the blame game for one thing, no matter what, how horrible something was, and mine was fairly horrible, I don't have time to blame anybody. And I was part of that situation. So we're done with that. So let's move on from there then. Realize you have this great life to live. You are not dead yet. Go out and embrace your career, embrace your health, embrace your life. I mean, the whole world's out there. So, you know, you don't. This is not a death sentence. This isn't mark you as a ruined person. It is what it is. And so you, you've got to just move on. And, and that's my best thing is get out there, try something new. I joined a yoga studio and it changed my life. I got rid of a lot of stress and so. And I took a trip to Ireland solo, by myself.

Cool.

I went, I tell you what, that, that'll change your life. Go on a trip all by yourself.

Yeah, that's like, eat Love, Pray. I think there was a movie about that.

I think you're right. Yeah, definitely. But yeah, get off the blame. The blame game is going to go nowhere fast.

Right? Well, it's going to take you down with it. Right.

It's going to take you down, Grace, go a long way.

It is not going to help you bridge the gap by sitting there blaming everybody. And certainly, you know, it's that self talk and that self reflection that I think that you're focusing on. So if somebody was out there and they said, hey, you know what, I like what she's saying. What are the results that you have gotten? Why do you love doing what you do? Obviously you can't share what you've done, but is there a story where you said, you know what, this gal came to me or this person came to me, this is what they were suffering from, this is what we did and this is where they're at. Could you maybe walk us through what is it like to be a customer or a client of yours? What is the age, what is the circumstance that most of the people come to you for help in?

I normally get middle aged women who are overweight, who are either divorced or in a relationship with a spouse that they don't even like anymore.

Right.

And they just feel they're just miserable. They're just, you know, I want what you have. That's what I get. A lot of times if I could just get a little bit of your excitement and your energy. How do I do that? So we work through that. Is that I've been there, I was in that heap, I was on the floor. So I had one particular client, she came to me and I had actually known her my whole life and overweight and not just no focus, no future, just angry still. And so we worked through a lot of releasing the anger and getting rid of, you know, not blaming and then realizing that she wasn't just a marked person anymore and that she could do all these things. And within that she had no clue that she wanted a career change. Not that was not on her radar whatsoever, but it came out that that was really bogging her down and causing her stress and causing her a lot of unhappiness. And so she made a complete career change and then that is what motivated her. Then she started to lose the weight and now she's in a new relationship and everything's changed.

Yeah, isn't that fantastic?

She found a new passion. She's doing something that she'd never done before. And so that gives me great play I mean, I love it. And it happens in the. I mean, believe it or not, it happens in the dental office in the short amount of time we have you for one hour. And a lot of times it's just somebody starting to even just care about their oral health, which affects how they feel about their whole self.

Sure.

So that, that part is I get a lot of pleasure out of.

Yeah. And so when we think about controlling your emotions, right, Number one, people get emotional going into the dentist office. Fear, right? Not controlling the fear, but let's talk about the 50 year old lady who isn't really controlling her emotions. Chances are the people coming to you, their emotions are actually controlling them. Their emotions are driving the bus and they've fallen victim to their emotions. So this is a very appropriate podcast today because the bottom line is there is help. There are coaches out there. Seek and you will find if your emotions are controlling you, it's time for you to take back your life and take back your emotions by controlling it. And so many times the spiral in life where you go down is simply because you know what, you're just reacting to your emotions. And the bottom line is you got to stop living in fear. I think that's so, like, people freak out going to the dentist office, right? You got a funny story about somebody just going nuts in a dental office.

You got to, you know, it's actually, it's one of my things I love, I love those people. I'm always like, give those, give them to me because I can do this. And a lot of times, and now I don't know with COVID if we're even going to be allowed to do it, but, you know, sometimes I just touch them on the shoulder and we just start talking. And obviously I have no problem talking. And so I've even had some clients later say, you know what I finally figured out? You're just manipulating me because you're talking about vacation. And then I always talk about food. I'm always talking about my favorite restaurant or my favorite vacation. And so that is how I help people in the dental office. Calm down. But in coaching, you know, they come normally with this agenda, and I call it the why behind the why. You know, just keep peeling that back and peeling it back. And a lot of times it had nothing to do with what they initially came to. That's another one my favorite. Real quick, I tell you, this real high powered business woman come to me and, you know, online I have people from all over the country. And so she was just furious. She wanted to lose weight, but she was not going to change her her ways. And she said, I am going to eat pizza every day for the rest of my life. You can't change that. But I want to lose weight. And I said, ok, well, you are going to have to work with me a little bit. And literally with her controlling her emotions was that she would not allow herself any more than 20 minutes for her lunch. And I said, you have to give me 30 minutes, 10 minutes. I did the turnaround. I said, I just want you to slow down and breathe and give thanks for that piece of pizza you are getting ready to eat, whatever that looks like. And she called me back the next week. We had our meeting. She said, you tricked me. She said, I looked at that piece of pizza in disgust because I couldn't give thanks for that disgusting, greasy piece of pizza. And I realized I hadn't even given myself 10 minutes of time for myself. So just with that, her whole life changed because she started to have gratitude towards the food and changed what she ate. She lost a ton of weight, and it changed everything.

I love it. Well, if you gappers like what you're hearing, Beth has dropped some really great knowledge on us. She's given us some real actionable steps. She's given us some exercises. She's given you great questions to ask yourself. And if you like what you're hearing, you should really reach out to get up and go. I think you're on Facebook too. Is that correct? Yeah. Yeah. You can message her through Facebook. And if you're stuck, if you're stuck there at the front of the bridge and you're looking going, how am I going to bridge the gap? How am I going to get from where I am to where I want to be? How am I going to get from who I am? Which is really where Beth, I think, comes in handy, more than handy to who I want to become. And I'm not quite sure how to take the steps and walk across the bridge to bridge the gap. You know what? Beth just might be your professional, so I hope that you look her up at getupandgo life and check her out on Facebook. But now we're gonna get to walk through your life and get to know you a little bit better. How does that sound?

That sounds great.

Now, I know that you said you grew up, I think, in the same place all of your life, but I want to know this. This is called knowledge through the decades. And I'm gonna ask you what the attitude lesson is at each stage of your life. Now, some people don't remember being born, but maybe you remember your daughter being born. What I want to know is what's the attitude lesson that you've learned from either your birth or the birth of others? What's a newborn infant? What's the attitude lesson there for people to gain?

Well, it's funny. I actually was born in Indianapolis. My dad was in dental school. So I think that's kind of funny. Come full circle that now I live there, but attitude of a baby is there. That's raw. That is raw emotion of want and need, right? And so they scream. They get the response. So I think as a, as a baby, I actually was born with feet that were turned out. I had to wear a little brace.

Oh, my gosh.

And I think that's one of overcoming as a baby, already had kind of this little issue, and I think that might have just started making me tough and have grit right then.

Right? And we just had a grandson. And yeah, he had a little problem. But the funny thing is, naturally it worked out. But when you talk about, it's raw, you know, you are who you are, and you're born without any clothes. And sometimes we need to get back to being more raw and more real in our lives and with our relationships. So now I want you to think about being in Indianapolis. You're in third grade. You're 10 years old. Tell me, please tell me.

This is great. Actually, we moved. We moved right away when I was one. They built the dental office and I just talked about this. 10 years old is my favorite age. It's the last time I can remember being authentically me. And I had this purple banana seat bike, and I just looked it up online and found it. And I was just like ecstatic because I was like, man, that was my first set of freedom. I could get on that baby. You know, I had the wheel, you know, I had the straws on my. On the tire, so it made a little clacky noise, you know, and the world, that's the last time. You don't care. At 10 years old, a girl, we put our hair in a ponytail, put our comfortable clothes on, and off you went on your purple banana seat bike, living your best life.

Oh, I love it. So, yeah, true authenticity is the attitude lesson.

True authenticity.

And obviously, as you get through life, maybe to become truly authentic is something that we all seek to be. And maybe one of the best exercises we can do is to really ask who we are, to not forget who we are, really who we are, not how people define Us and get back to being a kid. Sometimes I think the most healthy thing we can do is get back to being 10.

I encourage people to find that picture of themselves when they remember that and put it on their mirror.

I love it. So where did you go to school when you were 10?

Manchester High. You know, Manchester High School.

And what was your. Not high school, that was grade school.

Elementary. Chester elementary School.

And who is your teacher at 10?

Oh, well, I had. Mr. McLaughlin was my sixth grade teacher. He was probably one of my favorites.

Okay, there we go. Shout out to him. So now you've been through high school and you're sitting in college. Did you go to college?

I did.

I'd love to know, at 20 years old, what did Beth McKinley look like? Feel like. Do you remember your 20th birthday or your 21st birthday? Because a lot of people remember 21. Tell me what the attitude lesson was for you when you were 20.

Wow. To be, you know, I don't want to be 20 again, but I was kind of a little bit of a rebel. I was playing golf more than going to school, you know, my dad finally cut me off and I got a little more serious. I had about four majors living in an apartment in Fort Wayne and I started out in education and that back in dental hygiene. So I was, I don't know about that. 20 year old. I mean, she made some interesting decisions. That's all I'm going to say.

What do you think the attitude lesson was? Or what was your attitude at 20?

Oh, I tell you, if I had a 20 year old, I'd say think twice.

Yeah, think twice, right. Hello. There's some good advice.

20. You are getting ready to make the decisions that will affect the rest of your life. So make those wise.

Interesting.

You know, your career, who you marry. Those are forever. Those are supposed to be forever. So make those. Choose those wisely.

And so you drifted through your 20s and then you became 30. I'm guessing maybe you had found a husband and were married at 30 and maybe starting a family. Whatever. Talk to us a little bit. Do you remember your 30th birthday? And do you. What was your attitude lesson at 30? Who were you? What was going on with you then?

I had my kids late, so I had one at 29 and one at 31. So I was busy. I was working part time as a dental hygienist and I was a very busy mother. And I also was kind of this little homesteading thing I had going on. I was raising chickens, I had a garden, I was doing that whole, you know, their House on the Prairie thing.

Right.

That's like a whole different life when I think about that now. But I was busy. I was very busy then.

And so what was the, what was your attitude then?

Who? I'd say I was overwhelmed. But I loved it too. I loved when the kids were babies, harder when they're teenagers. But I enjoyed when my kids were little. Yeah, I like that was a happy time. That's a happy time of life. My attitude was it was a good. Busy.

Yeah, cool, cool. And I think we got people, we got gappers out there that I think maybe the attitude is even though you're busy, even though you're overwhelmed and people whose kids have grown up, you're gonna, you know, we all look back and go, God, I don't even remember when they were that age. Right. So savor the attitude lesson on that one is savor the chaos. Right. Savor the uncertainty. I hope if you're listening now and you're in the middle of that, that you know what, you take the time to be grateful and think about that. So then those kids got a little bit older and you became 40. Do you remember turning 40? Was there a party? Where were you and what was your attitude lesson at 40?

There was no party. I've never cared about aging much. So it was really, it was uneventful to be 40. And I was busy again with kids doing their thing. And at that time my son played some travel ball. So we were all consumed in that realm. And so I think that's another thing is embrace that journey, that part of your life. But I think that's a really important time. This is my word of advice to 40 year olds is don't let that relationship with your spouse fall through the cracks. That's a very important time to stay involved in your teenagers lives and stay involved in each other's lives because very soon they're going to be leaving the nest and you're going to be stuck with each other. So invest in each other.

Yeah. And to consciously do that because especially with multiple kids, with travel, baseball, travel volleyball, travel, soccer, you know, bass, my God, you can get lost. You can get lost in your kids. Right.

And forget who you are.

Yeah, you can forget who you are. You're just defined by your kids. So now you're just a little bit over 50. And I think we really got the story of 50. But we would love to just know. Do you remember your 50th birthday and what was your attitude? Where were you and who were you.

With my 50th birthday was not as happy as my 54th birthday. That was kind of in the ugly part, the end of the relationship. I was pretty unhappy. Minus that. I had my kids there and my granddaughter, which gives me great joy.

Sure.

So I'm going to focus on the 54 birthday. OK. After that, I'm telling you what, I am living my best life. This is fantastic. Together, my partner and I, we have six grandkids and we love them to death. We enjoy being with them all the time. But it is fun when they go home too. So don't dread that if you're in your 30s and 40s and embrace that. But 50 is fantastic. I mean, you can have cheese and crackers and wine for supper just because you can. So it's good. I mean, I picked golf back up. I hadn't done that for 20 some years because of my son playing baseball. And so it's good. I'm in the best shape I've been in in my life and everything's new and good. I mean, embrace. I think we've just, these are not our parents, 50 year old years. We are going to live longer. So we have got to take good care of ourselves.

Right? I mean, it's really the time to thrive in your 50s. And I think the attitude lesson there is for our gappers, that you know what, you may be going through the hell that Beth was going through, you may be right in the middle of a divorce, you may be right in the middle of a crisis. And you know what, it's only been 48 months for her. And look at her. I mean, feel her passion, feel her joy, feel her perspective. And this is why you listen to the Get Attitude podcast, to say, you know what, I have hope. God gave us Beth McKinley today. It was a weird circumstance. She came on at the last minute. Her message has been just so good, so hopeful, so inspiring, especially for those Get Attitude podcast gappers that we have that are females between 40 and 55. I just think that your message was so good and so on point and so relevant that I hope that there's people out there that it helped. But for you men who are married to the 40 to 55 year olds, I think it's important you listen to Beth as well because she's had some nuggets in there for us. So, Beth, thank you so much for being a part of the Get Attitude podcast. How about you leave us with one sweeping thought or hope for our gappers today? A word of encouragement. What would you like to just share with our gappers.

My question is, what would you do if you were the bravest version of yourself?

Mmm. So good, right? So good.

Yeah, that's my thing. Thank. I have really enjoyed it. Thank you so much. And like, I'm, like I said, Bill caught me off the cuff getting ready to go hiking with my kids. So here we are, rolling uncut, and I couldn't be happier to be just this way.

That's great. So what would you do with if you had or if you possess the best version of yourself?

What would you do if you were the bravest version of yourself?

What would you do if you're the bravest version of yourself? If you want to let Beth know, I want you to email her. What's your email?

It is Beth McKinley 84mail.com Beth McKinley.

M C K I N L E Y 84 that's the year she graduated from high schoolmail.com Beth McKinley 84mail.com Send Beth your answer if you watch this podcast and if you dare to be brave, if you are looking to get and bridge the gap from being who you are to becoming the bravest person, Beth can help you do that. And Beth, it was great to have you on the show and we will see you on the other side of the gap. Take care.

Thank you so much.

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