https://www.listennotes.com/e/083929078ffc4f99bb079c91a9b8522b

In a world full of turmoil, despair and darkness, you need to carry the light. Season three of the Get Attitude Podcast is where we will ignite your mind, your heart and your attitude. And welcome to the GAP, the Get Attitude Podcast, the gap, bridging the gap from who you are to who you wish to become and from where you are to where you want to go. hello, friends. My name is Glenn Bell, founder of the University of Attitude, keynote speaker and author of the international best selling book, the ABCs of Attitude. I have been so fortunate to help tens of thousands of people get attitude. Attitude, the secret formula to success, not only in business, but in your life. And this podcast, it's going to help you get yours. So let's get some. I want to welcome everybody. Please remember to subscribe I've been on the Bridge in Review and most of all, I'm promising you after you listen to this interview or this podcast, you're going to want to share this out. You're going to want to share this out to the people in your life that are looking to bridge that gap for what they want to do. We have with us the CEO of Success Enterprises. I've just went through one of her courses personally through Success Plus. She's an awesome mentor. She's a professional development leader, could be a personal development leader, no and a sales strategist, not to mention podcaster, author, speaker. She is interviewing some of the biggest names in the country. And man, oh man, are we happy to have the one and only Amy Somerville on the Get Attitude podcast. Amy, welcome to the Gap.

Thank you so much, Glenn. I love the energy already.

All right.

Change in attitude. You start with a positive attitude. I love it.

There's something about state change and we're not here for a boring show. We're here to deliver energy. and we're here to deliver love to the people that are listening to this podcast. Amy, we always love to start our podcast to try to understand what is your definition of attitude?

Attitude. I think if I were coming up with a definition here on the spot, it would be the mindset that drives action and behavior. I love it. I think it, you know, certainly it is, I guess I'm visualizing almost a string, right? And it's the emotion that sets everything in outline and pulls you into focus.

Oh, I love it. That's so good. That's so good. When you think about your attitude, How would you define your attitude?

I would love to say that I'm an optimistic, positive person every minute of the day. That's not exactly my real world. And certainly stress plays a part, anxiety plays a part, imposter syndrome is a real thing. I think that happens to all of us at different points of our life. But I definitely try to start my day. It's going to sound a little strange. I actually have family in town and came downstairs and visit this morning and they said, Are you doing coffee with the dogs? Yes. I do something, I kick off my day every day with coffee with the dogs and it's just like it sounds. I have a great Dane on one side and a sheepdog on the other and a cup of coffee and we talk about our gratitudes. We run through all the things that we're thankful for and it really sets the attitude and the right mindset for the day of just appreciation and love and fullness and wanting to provide contribution. So that's how I start my day. There are certainly times where I get pulled in different directions and you kind of just become part of the chaos of the day where you're more reactive than you hope you would be. But I think starting the day, with a good, you know, positive attitude in a space of gratitude, in a space of contribution, is, I mean, it's a good recipe for a solid attitude all day.

I love it. Now, as I'm sure you know, there.

Are people.

It'S like, oh yeah, hey, let's be grateful and have gratitude. Let's talk to the people right now that go, shit. I don't know how to find gratitude. Like what are the questions maybe you ask yourself? What is the process? You start every day with gratitude, so there's got to be some type of internal process. Maybe you haven't even figured out what you do, but could you help somebody that only sees darkness, that is really having trouble trying to find a formula to find out what they're grateful for? What would you tell them?

Yeah, I think that's a really important question because it's not about big things. I think when you can recognize gratitude for the small things, I'm grateful for the robe that I put on this morning. I'm grateful for a coffee machine that, you know, brings me a coffee filled of joy. I'm grateful for the fuzz on the floor because it tells me that I've got, you know, dog love running through my house. I'm grateful for the family that's coming to visit. I'm grateful for a good sleep. I'm grateful for it, right? So it's, it is, it's, you don't have to go big. It's not about the big buckets. In fact, if I were to give a cue to what I do every day, it is find something different. I don't want, you know, I don't want to cover gratitudes that are the same every single day.

Awesome.

Right? It's not a speech. It's not a necessarily a repeated prayer. It is challenging myself to recognize something that I'm grateful for that I didn't recognize yesterday or the day before or the day before that. And so that does drive you to think about the small things.

Yeah, that's powerful and so good. Thank you for that. That's awesome. When you think about your attitude, I'd love to know who was your first attitude coach or who do you think shaped your attitude?

So, and this is, you know this to be true because it is a part of my career journey. But I would absolutely say Success Magazine was my attitude coach. Wow. And part of that, you know, the opportunity in taking the role that I'm in right now was, oh my goodness, did I manifest this? Right? This was part of my gratitude. This was part of my focus and my attitude. But in a space where you know, frankly, I wasn't, I wasn't sure that I had a great connection with potential mentors of my life. I sought mentorship through content. And that's, that has been a common thread my entire life, I would say, is I'm a learning based individual. I like seeking opportunities where I can expand my mind, I can stay in curiosity, I can learn and gather things in a space that I you know, probably wouldn't otherwise have access to in content. So for me, Success Magazine was that mentor and mindset coach. So like, you know, the greats, Tony Robbins, Mel Robbins, John Maxwell, you know, I kind of go back to the Jim Rohn, I go back to the founders of personal growth and professional development. or development in general. And gosh, you know, like I never really heard people talking the way that I was reading in Success Magazine. And it was my coach. It was my mentor. Absolutely, for sure.

That's so cool. And we want to certainly recommend whoever's listening to this right now, Success Magazine, Success Plus, Success, all the different things that success offers for content, jump on to success.com, order your subscription, go in there. There are, I think, over 880 tools to help you with mindset, to help you with money, to help you with the future of work, to help you with business. There's just so, so much. But let me ask this, before you started reading Success, who do you think affected your attitude the most?

I think probably it would go back to my father.

Oh, good.

Is, you know, hard, hard driving individual, success driven individual. And I aspire to be the same. I will be vulnerable enough, though, to share with you that that the mindset and the attitude for me as a kid growing up was a little bit more difficult is my father, a technical genius, I'll say education, intelligence, just kind of general, quote unquote smart, was in my DNA, but it skipped me. I had a learning disability and some other challenges coming up and it made me doubt. Right? It made me doubt, you know, what will I actually be able to accomplish in life? Do I have what it takes? Am I smart enough? Am I enough in general? So having mentors, we'll say, in my family who had come before me, shown me incredible success, and knowing it was just harder for me to, you know, I had to work a little bit harder, I'll say a lot bit harder, and change the dialogue of the conversation I was having with self. which was putting myself down or judging or questioning whether or not I had the ability or the opportunities as easily as other people might be afforded those opportunities was a negative mindset. Flipping that and changing that and saying, well, I get to create it, right? I get to create my destiny. This doesn't define me, this won't define me, and it won't keep me from great accomplishment.

Yeah, that that's so true for CED and when I asked that question, usually we get mom or dad and I and and I try to tell people.

Sometimes.

The our first attitude coach, our parents, sometimes that's not a positive thing. Maybe sometimes it's a negative thing. But, you know, the fact that of the challenges that you've come from, certainly there are people that are listening to us right now that may be giving themselves the same excuse that may have the exact same problems that you had. What was your self-talk? When did you realize, I think I got a problem or things aren't right or things are tougher on me? And then, what was it deep down in your gut, in your heart or in your mind or in your soul that said, I'm pushing through this and I'm going to make things happen. What would you tell that person out there that's going through the same thing that didn't have that shift or didn't bridge the gap as you did. What would you tell them?

Yeah. Great question. So, I mean, clear as day memories, right? You have those line in the sand memories of, I could have gone one direction and I'm lucky that I went the right path. And I think about it a lot at this point where I've got pre-teens and teenagers that I'm raising in my own household and thinking where I was when I was them and what I was thinking about and. and wanting to be a good role model and mentor for them. But as a kid, like I said, my father, genius, easy, super smart, my sister, my younger sister, same way. I don't know if this happened in your school, but in elementary school, teachers would identify probably by fifth grade, those kids who had a special gift, right? And actually, Back then, they called it gifted, right? They identify if a child is gifted and they get to go into different curriculum and courses with each other and segmented from the general pop, right? The general population as being and identified as special and they had special opportunities. And by fifth grade, I hadn't been identified by second grade, my younger sister had. And so I recall in middle school, asking my mom, you know, I'm watching all of my friends that I came up with, my sister, they all could share these experiences of, you know, oh, we did this special field trip, or we had a speaker come in and talk to us about these things. And it was just, I wanted to be part of that group with my friends in this extended opportunity. And so I begged my mom to get me tested. And in my head, right, at that point was, I'm sure I just got accidentally skipped over, right? I had moved schools, you know, I'm sure that it was just, you know, they just kind of missed the opportunity. Never in my mind at that point, it was a birthright, right? Did I think that I wasn't going to qualify or be in that gifted group? And so did the testing, IQ testing and whatever else it was. And I remember my mom picking me up early from school. And, you know, I thought, like, what's the deal? You know, what's going on? And she took me to my favorite place for lunch, and she had a gift. And so sit down, we have lunch. And she says, well, I brought you here because I wanted to tell you something, you know? And she hates that I've told this story before because she's like, oh, my gosh, in retrospect, that was the worst possible way to handle this. So we kind of joke about it, but it was a line in the sand moment. And she shared with me that Not only did I not, you know, pass as gifted, but it was recognized that I had a learning disability. Wow. And that I would need to see a, you know, see a specialist for that. And I just, I mean, it was one of those like, you know, everything goes fuzzy, like, wait a second, you just told me, and as silly as this sounds, you know, when you're that age, this was like, this was my whole world. I no longer get to spend time with my community. and connect with them in this way because not only am I not average, I'm below average. Right? And now I need, you know, it just, it hit me very hard. I didn't anticipate it. I didn't, and I remember thinking, I'm never going to be a doctor. I'm never going to be a lawyer. You know, all the things that I had put in my head and the conversations around the house, oh, you know, I'm going to be a doctor. I'm going to be a surgeon. I'm going to this and that. I'm going to go to an Ivy League school. It felt like that entire dream collapsed in that moment. And I am not 100% sure where the switch flipped or how old I was when that happened. I recognized that I had to do special training. I recognized that I had to study harder. I recognized that I had to do my exams verbally and in a separate room, some of those kind of special support systems. And I'm not exactly sure, but I can tell you that I recently wrote an article about it, a CEO letter about it, because it still impacts me in an interesting way. I had somebody who knew me in, we'll say middle school, high school, reach out through LinkedIn recently. And the message was, oh my gosh, look at what, you know, what an incredible success you've become. Who would have thought? and I had two reactions to it. It was like, what? I've always been self-driven, I've always been success-driven, I've always been this person. And then the other was like, whoa, what did happen where other people saw that I was going down, you know, potentially another path, that I was deflated by a diagnosis, that I was deflated by you know, the removal from my community. And when did that happen? And when did that that switch happen? I'm not exactly, I honestly, since I received that message, I've been trying to pinpoint it. I've talked to family, I've talked to my sister. Do you remember when this happened? Because I've, you know, it's hard looking back, you know, when you visualize yourself as a third grader, you still see yourself with your face and your hair and who you are today. It's really hard to see yourself in that six year old or seven year old space. It's hard for me to see myself in a deflated You know, I don't know, in a mind space or an attitude that I was just resigned to the facts. Right. For very long. I can't imagine that I did that, but obviously other people saw it differently.

Was there a memory or a time, and we're gonna do something called Knowledge Through the Decades, so we're gonna work through this a little bit later in the podcast. But was there a moment where you felt like you went from helpless to emboldened or from helplessness to massive action. Was there a time or a person or an instance in your life where it just changed where you said, this is how I'm living. I'm making a decision. I'm taking a stand.

Yeah, maybe. So I have always been the, my parents would tell you that I was an adult by six or seven. My parents had a very, very nasty divorce when I was very little. And I, without being asked, just assumed the role, assumed the role as of leading my sister and protecting and supporting her, helping my father, you know, just even small things like he's colorblind and laying out his suit and ties, you know, the night before work so that, you know, he was not dressed in funny ways, you know, and could present himself. I lived on my own pretty young, I would say, early high school. I was on my own and there certainly was a part of that path that was whatever happens, I'm the one who's driving it.

Right?

There's nobody else to blame. There's nobody else to look at. I am responsible for getting myself to school. I'm responsible for the grades that I get. I'm responsible for getting a job. I'm responsible for doing a good job and being compensated for that work. I'm responsible for learning new things. there's nobody else who's going to do that for me. There's nobody else who's holding my feet to the fire. So I've always been driven in that way and part of it was independence at a young age.

Nice. Well, you know, having attitude or understanding attitude so much has to do with how we define what happens to us. And being a product or a child of divorce can certainly have a negative impact. And I always like to ask people, you've answered it, what's the most positive thing that came out of divorce?

Right.

I think that's the question that we need to ask ourselves as we, as we live. Every negative circumstance has a certain positive outcome or, or so I, I get what you're saying when you said, you know, yeah, the positive is, is that divorce caused me to become pretty damn independent.

Yeah.

And it could be why you're running the one of the nation's largest magazines and enterprises in America today, which is freaking awesome. I do believe that attitude sometimes can skip a generation. And I love to ask this, were you close with any of your four grandparents? And was there a grandparent that had a particular impact on you? And who was it? What did they do? And what was the impact there?

Yeah. Love that you asked that question. And I do wanna go back and say interesting childhood or we'll say adolescence, not your normal, usual, average experience, but I'm very close with all of my family. My father was visiting up until a couple of days ago. My mother and my sister are here. I am lucky enough to have had unbelievably close relationships with my grandparents. I have grandparents who are 91 and 93 who are coming over this week. And I see them on a regular basis. They're incredible people, incredible leaders, great open mindset, and I am certainly blessed to be able to have a family that, you know, we get to tell stories and hear stories and learn a little bit more of our history. And then my grandparents on the other side, I would have told you that for at least 10 years of my adulthood, My grandmother was my best friend.

Wow.

And just incredible and tough as nails and an unbelievable leader and, you know, didn't let the small things bother her, I would say. But she was a leader of her family. She was breakout. She was-- she actually served in the military as a female during World War II, which is, you know, was unheard of, certainly here stateside. But, She did some really spectacular once in a lifetime types of things and opportunities that she could talk about and that, you know, examples and ideas that she could share with me. So for sure, I think that the relationships that I have with family and friends, connection is one of my core, core values. And I feel really lucky every day that I get to visit and learn from each everyone. each and every one of them.

And as a grandfather of six, I got to tell you that it's heartening because I love my grandkids to death. And were you the oldest grandkid? I'm just curious if you were the first one. See, you're like my Jane. What's your grandma's name? Who was your best friend?

Beverly.

Beverly. Beverly. This is for you. I hope Bev gets to hear this. Can you come up with one or two antidotes, sayings, lines, that Bev told you that sticks with you, that you live by a mantra. If a Bev mantra, I would love to hear that.

One of them that is clear is don't borrow trouble.

That's good. Can we just delve into that? How does that manifest itself? And where, how do you see people borrowing trouble? What does that mean? And how can somebody learn from that?

I think it is clear for me that it is staying out of judgment and staying in curiosity.

Oh, nice.

Is borrowing trouble is, you know, it wasn't yours to begin with. Why are you creating something potentially out of your judgment that doesn't exist?

Yeah, wow, that's beautiful.

And so I think the best way to stay out of judgment and not from a place of interrogation, but in a place of, you know, open mindedness and really truly seeking to learn, and understand is staying in curiosity and asking questions. So for me, the minute judgment, and I can feel it, right? You know it, you know when you're like, oh, and you're playing a pretend in your brain. Well, I'm sure that this is what happened, blah, blah, blah, and you create this narrative and these dialogues that are not necessarily true. When I find myself in that space, you know, there are some narratives that you can roll through in your brain that are helpful, right? Pushing you outside your comfort zone, asking the questions, you know, could it really be this way? Maybe this is, I'm playing a little pretend, if it goes this direction, I'll set up for this. But I'm gonna say the majority of the time that I find myself doing that, it is a quick reaction, note taken, stay out of judgment. What do I need to know to understand the situation better? Could I be open? Can I assume that maybe it's not what I think it is? Who knows? If I dig a little bit deeper, is something else gonna reveal itself that is not as problematic or again, you know, don't borrow trouble. It's not yours to begin with. Don't create it out of thin air. And that comes from, you know, immediate judgment, I would say.

I love it. Gappers. And so probably what you're learning about Amy and which, what I love about her is she speaks in questions. And so, like, you know, stop, rewind and write down. I, my, my guess is she'll have asked a hundred questions or given you the Listener, our gappers. a hundred really powerful questions for you to sit after this podcast and meld into or melt into that will actually improve your life. And when we talk about, you know, you feel what you focus on, when we talk about that internal story, if you focus on crap, you're going to feel like crap. Sometimes, ladies and gentlemen, we really need to check what are we telling ourselves? What story are we telling ourselves? And does it give us the positive attitude that we need? You hit any other Bevisms any other one other Bevism that you want to hit or is that good?

You know, that's the one that comes to mind, but we think about them all the time, certainly around the holidays, and we throw them out. She has since passed, but we throw them out. She's always with us and, you know, through us, I would say. But going back to the judgment piece, something else that I was thinking about that I might just lend is recognizing the judgment language, which is why, right? So why is a word of judgment? Why did they do this? Why is this happening to me? Why is a judgment word? How and what are questions of curiosity, right? And really getting to thoughtfulness and understanding of different perspectives. So when you When you catch yourself, so of the triggers for me, when I catch myself saying, well, this is why, oh, no, that's a word of judgment.

I love it.

How did this come to be? What is going to happen? What can I do that's different? You know, what happens so that we're in this place right now? Okay, great. I can deal with what I can deal with how. And it tells me more about really what's happening. The why is the judgment word.

So, you know, many of our gappers, as I told you, they're coming here seeking answers and seeking solutions on how to bridge the gap in their their life and their profession. But we have a lot of people that listen to this podcast who are freaking successful, who are on the road, they're listening in an airplane, they're driving to their next sales call, and they've accomplished a lot of things. And I love our gappers. I just love them. And I'm so thankful for all of you who continue to email, text, write in, share, review, and all that stuff. But you mentioned a word earlier. called imposter syndrome. And a lot of, I don't know, maybe people that are still searching and finding who we've been talking to have imposter syndrome. Maybe they do. But maybe some of our most successful listeners are feeling this thing called imposter syndrome. And, and I've started to look into it. I think I've been through it, but I got such a good attitude, I don't care. I just Bulldog it and move on over. Can you give us a , a three minute course on imposter syndrome, what it is, and what's the best way out of it?

Great question. Uh, I remember the first time somebody, I actually had a coach who said to me, you know, the strongest leaders, the most successful leaders that I coach, who are female, have the highest incidences of imposter syndrome. And he said, I hear it in your language. It's that self-doubt. It's that why would anybody listen to me? It's that capping yourself in your growth, questioning whether you have the skill sets, the ability, the relationships, the connection, all the things that tell us like, yeah, I'm good right here in comfort zone. I don't wanna break out, like this is good, I'm comfortable here, this seems to be the space for me. you may aspire to do something bigger or larger or, you know, go harder. I'm good here. I mean, I don't, I questioning, I don't think I have what it takes to get to this level. No, I'm not going to go talk to the, you know, I'm not going to go talk to the leader about my next promotion because, you know, I don't, you know, I don't know that I have what it takes right now. I'll just wait and I'll, I'll develop, you know, so all the excuses, I think, for why you won't take yourself to your aspirations is the imposter syndrome role. And same coach, and now I've heard others kind of define it the same way. How do you combat imposter syndrome? Imposter syndrome is focusing too much on the outcome, right? It's kind of like the gratitudes, right? It's going too big. I couldn't possibly, you know, I couldn't possibly get the promotion that I want. We'll focus on the processes that will, right? So when you're focused a little more narrowly, focused on the processes and not the outcome, it helps you pull out of the, I hate to say this, but the selfish nature of the end product and really focus on the building blocks and perfecting the building blocks, and then the outcome just happens. so battling imposter syndrome, stay in the process, stay in the specifics, stay in the area that you can control with the vision of where you want to end up, the outcome, but letting the outcome drive it or measuring the outcome every single day is the recipe for disaster. So that was the advice given to me. And when I find myself in that space of, insecurity of self-doubt like, oh, you're fo, you're focusing up here. This is not where you need to be focused. Focus down here. Right? If this is, if this is where you want to be and this is intimidating to you, what are the building blocks to get there and focus here? Just start ticking those things off with excellence and you'll reach your outcome.

So that was awesome. That helped me. I know. I, I mean, it helped me big time. That, that's really, really good. Thank you, Amy. That's very insightful. and thanks for paying for all the coaches and giving us all the advice for free today.

I was just give a nod to both John Cheplak and Ed Mylett. Oh, good. Yeah, yeah.

Very. You know, you've ascended. You've, you've been interviewing some of the most influential, impactful people. I think you said you actually just interviewed Mel Robbins. Maybe. I'd love to know, like, you know, you're, and I know you love them all, but if we had to, maybe top three, top five. where you like went in and you're like, I can't believe I'm actually interviewing this person. Like, what's that like? And can you just give us a couple, you know, three or four people who you said, man, yeah, these are the biggest interviews I had. And tell us a little bit about the attitude lesson they gave you, after you interviewed him. Okay.

It would have to be the, the Robbins duo, right? Tony Robbins on the front end and more recently, Mel Robbins. And the reason it was so intimidating, and I'm gonna say more intimidating than any interview I've ever done, is because they don't know how impactful they've been to me. They don't know how much they've inspired me. They don't know that they have been my mentor from a distance. And without having an actual close relationship, I feel like I know them. I feel like I know how they would answer the questions that I would ask them. There was joy when I would ask, and I'm like, oh, I know the answer. This is how much I study you and this is how much I believe in you. There is a great picture of Tony Robbins. We did a shoot for the magazine cover and he was a great interview. And I did say to him, actually I said to both of them, talk about imposter syndrome. I have to tell you, this is the hardest interview I've ever given. Or, been presented with. And it's the nervousness of sitting across from somebody who's had such a profound impact on you is difficult. I mean, that's harder than interviewing people you don't know but that you are impressed by, right? Like, oh, you wanna learn from them. And sitting with two mentors that when I review back, I can see why I do this. I can see myself in you. I can see you in myself, right? Those were probably the most memorable because they were the most scary.

I love that and that's good. So let's take that to speak to our gappers today. There are people out there listening right now that are scared as hell to do something in their life. It's not interviewing Tony Robbins or Mel Robbins. Definitely daunting. What was your attitude to, hey, you had, look at ladies and Amy interviews everybody that's on the COVID of Success Magazine. Is that correct? Is that basically right?

Sometimes, yeah. My editor in chief does a lot of that.

Okay, so, but for those who are facing a daunting challenge, for those whose boss just said, hey, here's this project, you're doing this, I mean, you kind of kind of do it. What's your attitude? What questions do you ask yourself? How do you break through? How do you get rid of the fear? Get rid of the nervousness? What did you do? I mean, if it were me, yeah, I'd be the same way. So just give us a little mindset, attitude, mindset on doing that.

That's so funny. So I can speak to it because it was so recent. Before the kickoff of the interview with Mel Robbins, I looked at her and I said, I can't believe I'm doing this in front of you. And I looked at the camera and I said, 5-4-3-2-1 hi, I'm Amy Somerville. See, right? Like jumped into the thing. Love it. Mel Robbins wrote a book and she's got another one coming out. So definitely check into it. It's called the Let Them Theory is her new one. It's fabulous. Talk about mindset, talk about doing things that are scary and worry about people's judgment. She gives you all of the tools to shed that. why we care so much about what other people think of us is just a mind blower. And it can be overwhelming. But the book that made the biggest impact on me up until this point was called the Five Second Rule. And the concept is, there really is something psychological to counting backwards. You say, one, two, three, I'm going to jump at one, two, three, one, two, three. Four, five, six, you know, you can talk yourself out of that. But studying the, you know, the effectiveness of rocket ships and the countdown.

Right.

And then the action. There is something to the psyche of counting backwards, hitting one, and then tying it to an immediate action that drives results and gets you kind of out of that fear factor. And she talks about, you know, things you know, it's like the internal snooze button, right? I'm going to deal with that later. That's so intimidating. I'm not going to do that today or, you know, whatever. I'll just snooze for right now. But even like the real deal snooze button, right? The alarm goes off and you snooze for a little bit. Well, I don't really have to, you know, my hair looks pretty good. I don't need to spend a little extra time on that. I got 20 more minutes I can lay about, you know, negotiate with yourself. around the fear instead of dealing with it and tying an action to it. One of my biggest fears has always been public speaking. And I have had unbelievable leaders around me, never had public speaking training or anything, but leaders around me who have said, oh, you just, you know, practice makes perfect. You just keep doing it and it's just going to get easier and easier and easier. And I will be honest with you, it never It has never become easier for me. I still panic. You know, the sick stomach, the complete blackouts, all of that happens. Still happens after all of these years of public speaking. And there I am interviewing Mel Robbins, public speaking, and the tool that I used was the countdown backwards, 5-4-3-2-1.

I bet she loved that. I mean, that's so great.

And I can't believe I'm doing this.

Yeah, that's, Just awesome that you would do that. I'm sure that had to mean so much to her. I've tried to get Mel on my podcast, but she won't respond. But we'll keep working on it. It's okay.

You know, she is a super important lady, you know, changing the lives of others all day long. And I get it. I got to see it in Impact. They are just doing a lot, especially around the idea of the new book. But I think she's the queen of mindset. I think she's the queen of taking now action. And once you kind of get over the flip side of that, you're like proud of yourself. And then it encourages you to get outside of your comfort zone more and more. I can do this. I can try something scary. You know, I can kind of get out of this space. The other thing I would say, and I can tie it directly to public speaking, is I had a leader who is, you know, still to this day, great mentor. Brian Buffini, who I think is one of the best of the best in the real estate or sales training space. saw me doing my panic thing behind the scenes once off stage, 7,000 people, MGM Grand in Vegas, and I am sick, right? And I'm pacing back and forth and back and forth behind the stage, and I looked up on this podium and he's standing there staring at me. And I'm like, ah, you don't want people that you respect to see you in your space of the most weakness. awfulness. And I said, oh gosh, I'm sorry that you had to see that. And he said, you know, I've seen that you do this before. And don't be sorry. He said, the reason that you have this anxiety is because you care. Because you care about the impact. You care about what you're about to share. You care about the connection. The minute that you are not feeling stress or anxiety or afraid of something, You should just stop doing it.

There you go.

Right. And so now when, you know, like of the things that feel scary, like I ask myself the question, does this feel scary because I, you know, I really am dedicated to the impact, to the outcome, to the connection, to the value provide. And if it is, jump all in. 5-4-3-2-1. Right.

I love it. Yeah, you can, I've always heard say thank you. instead of just say thank you, thank yourself, thank you for being there. So I have limited time with you. We're going to do this thing that I've coined called Knowledge Through the Decades. And I do this with every single guest and it's something that I love doing. And so what I want to do is walk through your life in each decade. And I want you to tell me the attitude lesson of being 10, 20, 30. I don't know if you're over 40 or not. But we always start with childbirth. Now, I know have children. You probably don't remember being born. But when you think of the attitude lesson of childbirth or of new beginnings or of being born, what do you think the attitude lesson is in that?

All right, so you asking me to go to the decade of 0 to 10. Or are you asking me when I had children myself?

Yeah, I'm asking you, what was the attitude lesson? Yeah, because sometimes Sometimes that's easier. People are like, I don't know what the hell you're saying. So yeah, you can think about what was the lesson it meant to create life, I mean, for you, like when you had them or what does it mean to you? What's the attitude lesson in new beginnings or the beginning of life?

Oh gosh, blessings. How blessed are we in this life? you know, I. I can say that I have. I'm. I'm a recovering, you know, not on the other side yet, but I'm a recovering control freak in some ways. And there are times in life, including childbirth, where you realize you are not in control, that there is something bigger, there's something greater, and there is a massive need to lean into trust, you know, trust your body, trust doctors, trust that you have what it takes to be a good parent, trust that you have the love in your heart to give as much as you give and love as hard as you love. So I think trust.

I love it. That's so good. Now I want to talk to little Amy, who's 10. Okay. Maybe in third or fourth grade. okay. Don't know if you remember your third or fourth grade teacher, but what I. Yes, you probably do. Of course everybody does. So what was when you were 10? Certainly there was something that happened in your life where you were 10, whether it's a teacher, a bully, a parent, whatever. What was the attitude lesson for you when you were 10 years old?

I think by I think by 10, it was the power of relationships and support system, right? Is you don't need to do this all on your own. You can lean on others. Relationships, friendship.

That's a very grown up answer. And as you said, your parents said you were growing up when you were six, so that doesn't surprise me. But gappers hear her when she says, you,'re not alone in this. And this is coming from a woman that's doing some pretty amazing things. So I just want you to breathe that in and figure out who in your life can you lean on, can you support, and who can you trust, which got back to another one. Now let's talk about Amy at 20. Loved to have known her. Where were you at 20 and what was your attitude lesson? What was going on with you?

Oh, my gosh. I don't know if I even want to share 20. I was very much enjoying life and, and freedom. I had met my, what, who would be my future husband, and he was my best friend.

Cool.

And I, and I had faith that that was going to be the case. Met him. And it was one of those, like, yep, I told people, I'm gonna know this man for the rest of my life. And I didn't mean it even in that kind of way, and I, I I remember friends and family going, oh my gosh, you've lost it. I'm like, no, no. I mean, in some capacity, this person is my soulmate. I'm supposed to be connected to this person. We've been together 20, married 21, together 28. So known him basically since I was a teenager. So 20, the lesson I learned at 20 is, I'm gonna say it started shifting into hard work, right? and commitment is that like, oh gosh, you know, maybe my grades aren't exactly what I want them to be. Can I continue the party and still bump along? Nope, there's a point in life where you recognize that if you want to achieve your goals, you have to change the way that you do things. And, you know, I was that kid in college who in group projects always wanted to do the spearhead, would handle even the weakest link if that was kind of dropped off, take on extra responsibilities. So I think the value of hard work.

Well, I think that answer is boring. And I think the real attitude lesson is soulmates and true love do exist. So for all my romantic gappers out there, although her answer was good, Believe if there is a person in your life that is truly your soulmate and I found mine in sixth grade. I've been married for 37 years.

Oh, congrats.

It really can happen. Those of you who are out there looking for love, she just told you. So I agree, the hard work and the commitment, that's all good. But the love story there, come on.

It's a pretty good love story.

That's pretty. What's his name?

And I would say, you know, it is for me, the secret sauce, I imagine it's the same for you. I married my best friend. Yeah. So there's not anybody I would want to do all the things in life with, tell all the stories to, the experiences, share all the vulnerable moments and emotions with. He's my best friend.

I love it. You know, my wife and I, this is just funny, and so I totally get it because a lot of people say that. And I'm like, we never tell each other where their best friends because I'm like, there's stuff I do with you that I would not want to do with my best friend. So let's just leave it at that and we'll move on. okay, so let's talk about Amy at 30. What was going on in your life? Where were you and what was your attitude lesson at 30.

So at 30, I'm still proving myself in my leadership, and I have one child, one baby, and I realize my. I have to drop the attitude of. everything needs to be perfect. Right.

I love it.

Right. So I think that's probably the first time I experienced burnout was certainly in my 30s and probably more than once where I was comfortable with my drive in leadership, less comfortable in my role as a mother, trying to be perfect at all things and running into a wall. So I will say that if there's If there's an attitude and an approach that was the biggest learning lesson of my life in my 30s, it was accepting myself as a real person, giving myself grace. And on top of that, I probably learned this lesson three or four times and ignored it. Vulnerability is a superpower.

Yeah.

And not having to wear the armor of I'm perfect, I can handle it, no emotion. Don't ever let them see you sweat. Took me to burnout.

Yeah, a la Brené Brown.

And it also taught the people that were coming up underneath me that that was my expectation. And that's not great leadership. So vulnerability is a superpower, is what I learned in thirties.

A la Brené Brown, correct?

A la Brené Brown. Yeah, absolutely.

There you go. And at that point, you were big time up in the Remax sea level people, you know? Huge, I mean huge, huge deal at 30, which is crazy. Are you 40 yet?

Oh yes.

You are 40.

Oh, yes, I'm going to be 47 in a few months.

Way to go. Well, this will be your last decade. So seven years ago, what was going on with you? Where were you? What was your attitude lesson at 40?

At 40, I think self-love. Right? So from vulnerability to focusing on, you know, I can't give from an empty cup. So taking care of myself physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, with who I decided to surround myself with. Protecting my energy became a big deal in my forties was, you know, I feel like I, you know, accomplishing and, and by accomplishment, I mean helping others grow into a space of success that they aspired to. I feel like that's my purpose. That's why I was put on this planet on the, on that leadership side of things was was really connecting with the team that I was in franchise owners and agents and people that I was so lucky to serve very much in a role as a servant leader and helping others recognize things in themselves, helping elevate them, helping support them, giving them some direction to reach their next hill, if you will. And that was what was fulfilling, right? Like to me that was success was, oh, right? Like you get to see that impact and celebrate with others, but also clarity around being with people who strip the energy that don't find, don't see the benefit in certain things are on selfish missions and saying, you know what? I don't need, you know, life is too short to spend time with people who are energy suckers. And I want energy givers. I want collaboration. and relationship is everything, right? So focused on the things that I was valuing, including self-care.

I love it. Ladies and gentlemen, we are talking with Amy Somerville, the CEO of Success Enterprises. And as one of your students, you did just that for me. We did a eight-week course together. She was our facilitator at Success Plus. She also has a leadership certification coming out. If you like what you've been hearing, look up Amy, check her out. on LinkedIn. Check her out at success.com. join into the success plus program. I am a member of success plus. You can look me up there, too. And thank you for walking through your life with us. I hope you felt like that was a fun exercise.

It was super fun. And what a great timing of exercises in, in a place of gratitude. I am certainly one of those people who would say that I don't have any regrets. My life has been exactly in my mind as it was supposed to be to play out so that I am where I am today. And I am so incredibly grateful.

We have one last thing that we always want our guests to do is to speak to that person walking on the beach, to speak to that person who may be sitting in their car. during the holidays, who's all alone, who's going through a divorce that just lost a job, whatever. There are people out there hurting. There are people out there that listen to this podcast to get a message of hope. And if it's okay with you, I'd love you to just think about those people who are listening to your words. Could you give us your attitude message of hope to finish our podcast?

Okay. First of all, I hear you. I can relate, I can connect, I can put myself, I can empathize, I can put myself in your shoes. I can tell you that coming into this position as CEO of Success and you see these incredible celebrities a lot of people know on the COVID of Success magazine, one of the big things for me as the CEO coming into this organization was they weren't born that way, right? This is not the ivory tower. They just walked in. They were born to be Tony Robbins. They were born to be Dameon John. The idea was to kind of peel back the layers and reveal the stories behind the stories, right? I was on a shoot not too long ago where a gal with the video production crew, I was telling her the vision and where we were moving with success intention, and she said, Oh, I get it. It's like you see the glory, but you don't know the story.

Ooh, that's great.

Which I thought, I know. I wrote it on my dry erase board and now I say it as many times as I can. Write that one down.

I'm doing it.

It's really easy to sit in self-loathing, in pain, in doubt of self when you're comparing yourself to others and only seeing what you want to see. We all have the stories. Tony Robbins was living in his car and had mail delivered to a local 7-Eleven and still found money to bring, you know, pumpkin pie to friends' houses on a Thanksgiving, right? Living in his car. And we all know who he is today. They all have stories. We all have the pain stories. We all have the loneliness stories. We all have the come up. And I think if you can see that where you are today is not where you're going to be tomorrow, not where you're going to be five years from now, 10 years from now, you know, the exercise of going back through the decades is a great example of that. What a beautiful opportunity if you're sitting in that space of frustration or hurt or pain right now to go back and recognize the lovely lessons that you've learned through your life and how much you've grown from, you know, 10 to 20 to 30 to 40 to working on 50, right? That you evolve as a person, you change, you can become who you want to become. There are no limits to your success. If you've got a dream and you've got an aspiration and you are committed and you jump all in, right? You gotta do something. 5-4-3-2-1 take an action that is going to move you forward today, whether little gratitudes, whether it's sit down and write where you want to see yourself in a year and then back out what are the things I need to change about my behavior, my day to day, the people that I need to meet, who do I need to be connected to, what do I need to do to accomplish that, put it in bite-sized pieces so it doesn't feel so daunting. You know, pain, loneliness, frustration, those are big, big concepts and attitudes out there. Dial it back down, recognize the small little gratitudes and what the process is to move you into a space that you want to go.

I love it. I love it. Amy Somerville dropping bombs on our podcast. They said that you weren't gifted as a kid. And I was in that group. And they called us special.

Yes.

So I'd rather be special than gifted anyway. But I will tell you, Amy, they were wrong. You were a gift. You were a gift to everybody who is listening to this podcast right now. You are a gift. You are special and we were honored to have you. Thank you so much. Please follow Amy Somerville. Please go to success.com, change your life now. They have all the tools that you need. This is Glenville on the Get Attitude podcast and we will see you on our next episode.