S2E26 - Mary Gardner - Inspirational Speaker & Charisma Coach

This episode is brought to you by KPMG Risk Services. KPMG believes that when you've earned the trust of all your stakeholders, that's when your business has a solid platform to grow. That's the trusted imperative. KPMG Risk Services develop and put in place dynamic risk strategies designed to help your business earn that all important trust. Go to reit, KPMG US Trust to learn more. What is the roadmap to defeat self sabotage, negative thinking and learned helplessness in these unprecedented times? You must get connected, Get Growing, Get Certain and Get Attitude the Get Attitude Podcast. And welcome to the Gap the Get Attitude Podcast. My name is Glenn Bill, your host of the Get Attitude Podcast, international best selling author and keynote speaker and a person who is always trying to help you bridge the gap from who you are to who you want to become and to bridge the gap from where you are to where you want to go. And we do that in season two by talking to some incredible innovators and some incredible influencers. And today we have a fantastic female influencers. As a matter of fact, she helps train people who are introverts and into becoming influencers. We are with the one and only Mary Gardner, who is known as the Charisma Coach. I like to call her the Queen of Charisma. If she's open to a rebrand. She is the chief communicator and motivator of Mary Gardner Communications LLC. She works closely with individuals and thought leaders, CEOs, athletes, advocates to create a compelling, memorable signature keynote speaker. She loves to help people find their voice, to help people get on stage, to get booked more, and to help people become more powerful speakers and influential individuals. If you are a person that you feel that you're not living up to what you should be doing, you're not living the level of life and squeezing the juice out of life that you know you have inside of you. We have bought one of the nation's top coaches to come in and help you answer those questions on how to bridge that gap, how to become a better speaker, how to tell your story more, how to become an influencer and man, am I fired up to have the one and only Mary Gardner. Mary, welcome to the Get Attitude Podcast.

Hey, how are you? So good to see you. Thank you for that amazing introduction. It's great to be here with you guys and all the beautiful ladies that are listening today. So thank you.

I love it. I love it. And so Mary, tell us a little bit about where you originally are from and maybe, maybe your journey or your story from, like, you know, when you started in the business, and how did you end up becoming such an influential coach? I know that you were a pretty big deal in the speaking world with the speaker's bureaus, but maybe just a brief background of where you're from and what's going on with you and how you got to where you are.

Oh, that's so great. Thank you. Yeah. It was seventh grade when I was in my drama class, and Mrs. Long was talking to us, and one of the girls walked in just in the middle of class, and she said, hi, Mrs. Long. And Mrs. Long turned around, and so did everybody else. And when Tracy walked out of the door, Mrs. Long said, you know, there's some people that when they walk in the room, everyone looks. And Tracy Smith is one of those kind of girls. And I thought, at that moment, I want to be one of those kind of girls. And I was kind of shy back in the day, and so I just became really interested in how do you become that person? How do you get to know people? How do. How do you get to be seen? And ultimately, how do you be able to transform your personality into somebody who can go on stage and motivate an entire room of people? So I've been studying it forever. My life took me to Capitol Hill. I worked for Senator Paul Exult from Nevada, did that. And then I became a celebrity lecture agent for many years, then a publicist. Then I opened one of the coach training companies, the first in the world, and we trained hundreds of coaches. And I've been doing it ever since. I've been working with politicians, Wall street athlet experts. I just love it. I love helping people, as you said, find their voice. And I truly believe that everybody has a story, and if we share the story, it will help others. And that's what our purpose is in life is really, truly to serve other people in this world. That's how we'll be happiest.

Yeah. That's so cool. So let's talk about this thing called charisma. What is the definition of charisma? I'd love to know that. And maybe what are the one or two things people can do or three to up their charisma game?

Charisma is really a magnetic quality that allows people to follow you so you know it when you see it. And it's different for every person. If a celebrity walks in the door and they're shy, they still have charisma because they have name recognition. If somebody has this magical power and they've just Got executive presence. People look and notice, but everybody has a certain amount and you turn it up and you can turn it down. So a couple of things that people can do is really know where they stand out. And that's one of the places that we have to know. I recently just posted an article that we're all intimidated by someone and even celebrities, when they meet their sports hero, are going to be in awe. So. So there's no one really, that is perfect all the time. And so you want to know where it is that you really stand out. And then become an absolute expert. Just keep working at your craft, at your skill, at your talent, whatever that is. Even if it's horseback riding or skateboarding or if it's being a mom, whatever it is, and then teach it. And that's when we really gain confidence. And then in terms of going on stage, it's a lot of practice, I'll tell you that. So that's ultimately when someone can go on stage and command an audience. It's really about being prepared and practice.

Yeah, no question about that. What do you do with the people that come to you and go, I don't know where I stand out? Yeah, what's, what's the exercise there when you're like, hey, you know, you need to find out where you stand out and where, you know, you need to tap into that. So many people are like, you know, for a guy like me, I'm like, yeah, easy question. I'm good, I got that. But there's a lot of people, you know what, they maybe don't have that self confidence. They don't have the self image. And they go, I don't have a voice, I don't stand out. What are the questions? What's the approach to help pull that out of people? I'm sure you've done that over your career.

Oh, absolutely. And what they normally say is like, I'm vanilla, I'm just, I'm bland. I fit in and I don't stand out. And a lot of the ways it applies in the business world is they get passed over, they get dismissed, they just don't get heard in meetings, they're ignored. And then they get ignored for promotion. So then they're not making the money. So it really does make a difference to work on this skill. And the thing that we start with is recognizing what got you to here is not going to get you to there. The competencies are of somebody who's a worker bee, that people are really, really wanting people to stay in that worker Bee position. They're highly motivated to keep you in that position because you get the job done, and that's really valuable. But guess what? That's not leadership. And that's not where you're really going to stand out unless you're content. And if you're content, that's awesome. And that's what I always ask people. Are you content? Are you good with that? And most people come to me when they're like, you know, I really want to want that leadership position. I really want people to recognize me when I walk in the door. And then we go about creating strategies, and there are simple strategies for women oftentimes. I remember I had one lady that came to me, she goes, I just don't know why anybody. People aren't listening to me, like, when I'm talking, like, they just don't pay attention. And I said, well, that's because you're a living bobblehead doll. If you walk in and you stand and look at people and acknowledge people in their eye. Hi, how are you? Glenn? It's good to see you, Jason. Great to see you. How are you today? And you're calm and in your control and your head isn't bouncing and your body isn't all over the place. It does show a quiet confidence. And so we start with just very simple things like that. And then other things like how are you dressing? Are you dressing to impress? Do you have anything that you can have as a signature piece that people can start to say, well, gosh, they look good. So. So there's those kind of things. And then also another super easy tip is when you go into meetings, be prepared, bring information, bring current information, and ask general questions that can really make people think. So you've got to prepare before you go into those meetings, and you'll really start to stand out when you go into meetings. And that's when you make an impression in the business workplace.

We are with the one and only Mary Gardner, innovator and influencer, perfect for season two. And I'm telling you guys, trust me, go to Mary Gardner, hook up with her on LinkedIn. Her LinkedIn page right now is, like, blowing up. I, like, saw. I think I saw, like, a post you had had over 100,000 freaking views on it. Mary, like, what's that all about? Do you remember what that post was and what do you think was so impactful about that?

When I post on leadership and what are those things about leadership, it seems like that is gaining a lot of traction. And I do kind of behind the scenes, looks at how are these people starting to make waves? How are they starting to get noticed? And so that's the kind of stuff that I'm posting about. Just really giving good information in a very short, quippy, fun kind of way and helping people expand their influence. So, yeah, I'm excited. I've been working LinkedIn for years. I would encourage everyone to get on LinkedIn and to either use or look at Glenn's profile or my profile. We're really. We're working with a high amount of people because we're kind of doing some edgy stuff. We're working with a marketing company. It's really fantastic. And take a peek at it because you want to. You can meet everybody on LinkedIn. There isn't anybody that isn't on it. And so taking the time to really go behind the scenes and message people, bring value to people. As much as you can, teach on LinkedIn if you can. It's a great resource. We're all so lucky to have it.

Yeah, I love that. That's so cool. Yeah. I'm just so impressed with what you're doing with that. Now I want to get back to my show, the Get Attitude podcast. I would love to know your definition of attitude, and I'd love to know who your attitude coach was. Your first attitude coach.

Oh, my gosh. It had to have been my mother. And I always said my mom was like the best communication person. She made sure that when I was in an environment with other people, not to put my back towards anyone, to always include people, to use people's names to draw them out. She was the one that always made sure that I had good communication. And in terms of positivity, I think our attitude is everything. And so I do a couple of hacks. I do some brain products. I'm all natural. Don't do medication with that. But there are some phenomenal products that are on the market that make you happy. Chocolate is one. If you want to go get chocolate, take a piece of chocolate every day. It's got pea in it, and pea is in your brain, and it actually gives you an emotional lift. But to go to the health food store and get some stuff. So I'm very about the brain. I think you have to balance your brain every single day. It's like brushing your teeth or flossing your teeth. You'll actually. If you floss your teeth, by the way, you'll get an extra six years out of your life. So make sure you're flossing too.

Add it Girl.

Yeah, man.

First time we've gotten that advice, Jason. That's right. And I have to say I absolutely agree with the chocolate thing, making us happy.

Absolutely. It actually does. Dark chocolate has been proven to do that. So I start every day with balancing my brain. I think they've proven over time that if you spend time alone and you do your meditation, your prayer, your quiet time and your exercise. Man, when I exercise in the morning versus in the afternoon, I am at such a different level. And I'm a swimmer. Swimming is a phenomenal sport because it helps make you linear. And swimming laps to me is such a great sport, especially for aging bodies who don't want to be pounding on the pavement. So I think that morning routine super important. And then speaking goodness into the world and your words, the Bible says that we're ensnared by the words of our mouth. And it is so true that if you start to just use that word, hate or anything that's a negative word, it draws ugly to you. And I would say any of my coaching clients, if they are talking or gossiping about anybody, if they use negative words, I tell them to put a little rubber band around their wrist, snap themselves, bank themselves, stop doing that habit. It's a bad habit. And really to start looking at the best in people. And that's something that we all need to do right now, especially in this marketplace where the world is being ripped apart thread by thread. I'll tell you another tip that I have shared with people. Really. When you're walking on the sidewalk, if you're at lunch and you see people, send people positive heart energy. There's a book by Dr. Paul Pearson, it's called the Heart Code and it's all. It's about a 10 year old book and he's a cardiologist and he started doing research just intermittently because he was going through cancer treatment. He was in front of the radiology machine and he started looking at it and started like sending it energy. And the radiologist said, what are you doing? What are you doing? And he said, I don't know, I'm like sending this thing energy. And he started doing exercises about sending positivity out to the world because you'll get it back. It's an amazing book and I, I share that with speakers. I share that with people who really want to improve their lot in life is used energy to really positive energy to really help support their life and others.

That is so cool. And that is the Heart code. By who?

Dr. Paul Pearson.

Dr. Paul Peterson. I have a client, Dr. Paul Peterson, but he's a dentist.

Oh, no, it's not Peterson. It's Pearson.

Oh, Pearson. Okay.

I was with some Southerners this weekend. I apologize.

All right. So are you from Kentucky originally?

No, I am not from Kentucky, but I am a Kentucky colonel. Back in my 20s, when I was an agent, I worked with all the Kentucky schools, and one of the student activity director's father worked for the state of Kentucky as the corporate bugler. And so I became a Kentucky colonel, which in the state is a very high designation.

Well, how about you? That is too cool. I want to get back to your attitude coach. Who is your mom? What's her name?

My mom is Eileen Gardner, and my mom is 90 years old now. She is still going strong. And I'm telling you, she was always the mom that all my girlfriends loved hanging out with, and she's still the one. When we go to mass together, people come up. Oh, she reminds me of my mom. You know, she kind of adopted everybody. She was the neighborhood mom.

I love it. I love it.

Really nurturing relationship with people.

Talk to me about Eileen's attitude coach or her mother. You know, so many times we bring up our grandparents in my interviews because I believe that some of the greatest lessons, some of the greatest models, some of the greatest influencers in our life are these amazing people that aren't with us. You're so fortunate to have your mother with you. What was like, what did she do for a living? What were her parents like? What was her upbringing and background? And why do you think she was the way she was?

Oh, I just love that I have the best mother in the world, and we're very, very close.

We'll dedicate this show to her. Tell her we've just dedicated a podcast to her.

Definitely will. I will show it to her. My mom grew up in Kansas, and she and my father, who passed two years ago, grew up on the same street and one of 10 children, and he was one of children. They were good Catholic families. And my mom, from a very young age, was taking care of her younger siblings. And so at age of 8, her mom started popping out more kids. And so my mother was a worker, and she would be peeling potatoes and making, you know, the farm people dinner from age 8 on. And so my whole existence and her whole life, she has been a servant to other people. And then she went into nurses, being a nurse, and she ran into my dad again and was trying to set my dad up with all her girlfriends, but he was interested in Her. And so they were married for 63 years. Very happy. My mom was always. That's what I could say about her is that she was a supporter of people and she was also a good connector of people. She was somebody who would find out what makes a person tick and then she would try to help them somehow. And it wasn't as we do in the business world by sales or business development. It was really trying to find their message, who are they? What do they need? Whether it was, you know, they were moving and needed support, or whether their kids, you know, they needed a babysitter. And she would try to support and help. And so that was her. She was more home based. She wasn't the one that was at the school all the time because she had, you know, four kids. So I would say that the gift that my mom gave me, that I've learned later in life probably is to slow down and be with people and really spend time with people. And that is I love people. But, you know, just like any of us who are entrepreneurials, to get out there, you got to work, you got to hustle, and we hustle culture. But the reality is, is that your special moments in life and your happiness will come by having quality relationships. And so really taking the time to call people, who does that anymore? But really, instead of just texting people, pick up the phone, call them, get together with people for coffee. As a matter of fact, they say that if you are the happiest people live within a mile of their best friend. And so it's worth it to get to know your neighbors. And that's one of the things that I also talk to people when they are looking at becoming more or better or more influential is who are those people in your inner circle? You've got to have a really good inner circle where you feel secure. And so having maybe three people. I'll tell you a quick story too, that this is something that I think I got from my mom or maybe counselors through the years. But social media has made people so open. And so now there's such a big thing about vulnerability and authenticity. But the truth is, is that you really only want to have a couple of people in your inner circle. That. And you've got to vet people. There are a lot of people that gossip that talk bad about and it hurts you and it hurts your reputation. It damages your reputation. So the thing of it is you've got an inner circle which is about three people. And those are your innermost confidential people. The next is your friends and in order for a friend to go into inner circle, you have to vet them. And outside the friends is the associates and those people that have gossiped about you. And you can drip some information and see if it comes back to you through gossip or they talk bad about you, maybe to your face. They're all positive, but behind the scenes, they're, you know, they're.

There's potshot.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I think that a lot of us, because of social media, just go out and blatantly tell everything. I think it is the biggest mistake to tell a lot of your innermost secrets or expose relationships too early online and to be so vulnerable that you're, you know, you could be picked up with a spatula emotionally and dripping all over the people. I really think that it's important to hold yourself together and to be able to be authentic with a couple of people, not many. And I think that's a really good lesson also from my mom.

Yeah. And that's something that can affect your attitude. Right. Like, if you want to get from where you are to where you want to go, it's not by telling people who may or may not be your friend who you are and what you want to do. And social media is not the place for that. Back to. You know, it's so cool what you said about your mom. She really knew how to find what made people tick, and she really knew how to bring out in them their greatest being. And then I sit here and I look at you, and guess what you're doing for a living, right? You're helping speakers. You're finding what makes people tick, and you're doing exactly what your mother's taught you in a setting. How freaking cool is that? That's just beautiful that you just said that. And in essence, you're living that with what you do. So part of what you do. I know you have lots of online courses. You actually have a boot camp coming out for speakers, and we have a lot of speakers and public speakers who do this. But look at this course could be for you, whether you're a CEO, whether you're a leader, whether you're a mother sitting at home that maybe wants to find their voice. Talk to us about this brand new course, this brand new boot, boot camp that you're launching called your stage is waiting. And I think what I. What I wanted to hit on here is maybe it's not the platform or the stage, maybe it's a stage. Metaphorically, that's different than lights, camera, action. Talk to me a little bit about this new course and what people could learn and garner from it.

Absolutely. I appreciate that. Yes, Your stage is waiting. It's a six week course and you'll be working with myself and also another celebrity coach, Janny Moon. And to help you define what your stories are, we start off by talking about your personal brand. What are those isms that you use? You know, like Glenn, isms, like those statements that you make that people realize like, oh, that's a glynism. We all need to have those to kind of brand ourselves and so people kind of make we're memorable, basically. So knowing your personal brand and then we set about writing your signature keynote speech. And the reason why that is so important is that if somebody were to ask you tomorrow to go on stage, you would be ready. The reason why it's important is that it can bring and draw attention to you, to your community, to your company, your industry, your product. To be able to stand before an audience and motivate them instead of inspire them. And also have vulnerable stories that you've practiced that are, you know, expose what a great person you are, share your attitude with the world and your business philosophy or your personal philosophy is really empowering. And then we'll be dealing things like how do you get booked, how do you work with meeting planners, how do you work with agents, how do you find them contracts, all those things, LinkedIn. And then we'll be coaching you on stage to create a really great executive presence. And I've worked a lot of people that, you're right, Glenn, that were people that are, that are CEO types. Maybe back in the day they did Toastmasters, which is a nice organization. That's when you're first getting started to get over the fear someone like me will come in and, you know, mess that all. All right, we're going to start over, start from scratch. We're going to erase that philosophy and take on one that's your, it's yours, it's you, it's bringing you out on stage, not someone else's philosophy. So that's what we're going to be working with these groups and we'll be having a mastermind so people will be able to learn from each other, share from each other. And yeah, hit me up on LinkedIn and we'll share some information. I also have a great PDF while we're talking about it called Speak Like a Star. If anyone's interested, just send me an email, a message on LinkedIn and we'll get right to you.

I love it. And again I think, to me, when I see what you're doing for people, you know, sometimes that audience can be one, sometimes that audience could be a panel of four people who's making a big business decision on whatever your product or brand is doing. So although I know this is geared towards speakers, I can't help but think that if you're an entrepreneur, if you're the leader of a 501C3 going for $100,000, you know, allocation from a. From a board, you better be able to know how to keynote speak, even if it's for one or four people. I mean, I think this goes just further than for speakers. There's real valid reasons for entrepreneurs, business owners, leaders, innovators, and influence influencers to engage with you on this. What's your thought about that?

I'll tell you a quick story about that. I had a gal that came to me a couple years ago, and she was doing fundraising for a hospital. And she said, here's what's going to happen. I'm going before the board. There's about 20 people in the room, all my associates who are also fundraisers, the CEO and the executive board, and I want to impress them. All I have to do is stand up and say, here's the money I made last year. Here's the money I'm going to make next year. So what we did, we wrote a speech and we practiced. So here's what she did. She said, do you remember when you started working at Florida Hospital and you drove up in that part, that driveway, and when you walked inside, you looked at all the people and you thought, I wonder if they're going to like me. Am I going to fit in here? Well, after a week, I knew, like you, that this was the place for me. Well, last year, you know, we accomplished this, this and this, and we were so fantastic. Then we went on and talked about all the things that they were magically looking forward to, and they were going to be a leader in the community and, and also nationally. And together we're going to be able to create this great environment. And my numbers next year will be this. Well, anyway, this little speech, which was a little bit longer than that, her CEO said, oh, my gosh, have you been in Toastmasters for a year? Her board member said, oh, my gosh, I need to borrow that speech. That was great. And her associates were like, you jerk, you just threw us out of the bus. She looks so good. So something even like that to be prepared. And I would encourage people to think, if you have a Conference. If you are on an online platform with industry people, if there's a board that you can join, whether it's in your community or whether in your industry or your company, join it and speak up. Don't be bold. Don't sit back there with your notes and take notes. Bring information to the table and become a participant. That's how we get noticed.

I love it. And so gappers, I mean, I think here's the reason I've had Mary on. We say at every Get Attitude podcast. You know, we all stand at that bridge and we need to know to bridge the gap. And I think what Mary's telling you is it's time to find your voice. It's time to perfect your voice. It's time to learn how to talk succinctly and brevity and powerfully. And you know what? Just one simple speech. Learning the techniques, learning the training of how to communicate at a much higher level will not only help you bridge the gap and walk across the bridge, it may float you all the way to the other side. So such great advice, Mary. Thanks so much. Let me ask you this. Talk to me about maybe one of the most trying times in your life where you sat down with yourself and said, damn, I need to change my attitude, or how am I going to survive this? If you're willing to talk to us about it, I hope you are. And how did you bridge the gap in your life, whether it be a personal story or a business story or whatever it might be, I always like to ask our people. Look it, you're an influencer and an innovator, but you know what? You're not perfect and you had tough times. Talk to me about those tough times and how you got out of it.

I'll give you two. One was personal, one was business. I'll start with the business one in my 20s. So you just mentioned a word, and I'll capture that and start there. Brevity. The word brevity. So I remember back in my 20s when I was doing sales, I was a celebrity agent at the time. And I remember that I would go in and try to talk to my boss, and he'd be like. And I just couldn't get it. And I was literally talking people's ears off. And women do that a lot. And I remember that I just felt. I felt like I wasn't getting ahead. I felt like I was being ignored by clients. I was going up against people that had been in the business a long time. I was not getting ahead. I was not Making the money. And I needed to do something because I was working on commission. And so I started studying and I read a book, Men and Women in Conversation. You just don't understand. These are books way back when. And then ultimately, a book by Milo Franklin called. You've only got three. You've only got 30 seconds. I think it's. You only have 30 seconds. Something like. Yeah, something like that. And. Sorry, I couldn't tag that one. Yeah. And so I started studying about how to communicate more like a man and how to, in business, be more succinct. And when I started doing that, to be able to bubble up to the top, the best, most important thoughts, instead of going off and women do this spaghetti brain, and we go off into this tangent where they go like, oh. And so I come behind people. Stop, focus. What is your one point? And so what women have to do is breathe, do not talk, and start to think and then release what that one thing is. So that made a huge difference for me because I was really not getting ahead in life. And that made a big difference for me to start kind of going into another direction.

Can I just intervene? I mean, holy Lord. I mean, honestly, not to be sexist, but that is so true. And I know any man that's listening to this, the women in your life, I know, you sit there and go, I don't need the 13 details before the point. And so grow or die is attitude booster number seven. You said, look, I got to change. I got to grow or I'm going to die. And you grew through that. And it's, you know, women still got to be women, right? I mean, you still got to be at your core, but in the different settings. That brevity piece is so amazing. So I just want to thank you for that. Is honest, vulnerable, not easily heard. Lord knows I've said this before, and boy, I've had crowds turn against me on this one before, too. I am going to say that you said it. I'm going to quote you from the stage from now on.

Here's the thing. The thing that I will say that we all need are people that can speak honesty into our life. And so if we feel or if we have been told that we need to be able to get to the point quicker, you've got to find somebody to practice with. You've got to read up on it because it is squashing your opportunity with men. They talk behind your back. The women are rolling their eyes. Women that are in sales know how to do this, because mostly I will Say I've trained real estate agents and oftentimes the one deficit that some of them have is they're too friendly. And then individuals who also need and want that business savviness don't trust them enough to do the business. So when we're with people, we want to make sure that we have left and right brain showing left brain. Women that are in sales oftentimes learn that lesson quicker, is that when you want to influence somebody, you've got to be able to persuade people. It's left brain. First you justify on facts, but you buy off of emotion. So there's actually that in order to be speaking effectively to people, you've got to show people both sides. You've got to show them that your business savviness, you're logical, linear, get to the point. And you've got the ability to be soft and have stories and be fun and be friendly. So there's two sides that you need to explore and you need to be able to bring in communication. If you're only bringing the right brain, which is friendly and sweet, it's not going to cut it in the business world. So that's one of the things I did learn that and had to practice it. And I help women practice it as well.

Cool. And then you said personal tough time in your life that you said, all right, bust it out.

Went through a pretty bad divorce and became a single mother. And that was a really, really, really challenging time. And I know in today's world a lot of women are going hats off to anyone who is in that situation. Having to be the breadwinner, the major breadwinner, coming home, making dinner, making sure their kids are clean and exercise and doing homework. It's a lot of work. I know a lot of fathers are doing it as well. My boyfriend is a single dad now. His wife passed a year and a half ago. So anybody that's in that situation, it's tough. So I will say attitude during that time is so crucial because our children are watching us. And you know, I've had so much guilt, like, oh, I was horrible during that time because I was going through a lot of personal challenges with my ex husband and legal and trying to make my business. And you have to not be super emotional. You've got to be able to keep things running. And so there's a lot of guilt. And I'll tell you how I got out of it. I really, truly believe it became the power of my mouth and the power of my body positivity. And so life Would be horrible in so many ways. I don't even need to go into it, but you can imagine. And so I start to speak about what I wanted, and I would create. Like, you could do things like create your ideal day or just a day. What is your day like? Or who are the clients that you're trying to attract and. Or who's the boyfriend you want or who is, you know, what kind of life or travel do you want? So you write it all down, and then you speak it into the universe as if it's already happened. And every time that I needed to have a client, right, and my money was getting short, I would speak it into existence. Now, how I did it may be different from how someone else would do it. I always believe that for myself. I thank God for my blessings. And also I always try to give away part of my blessings to other people. So those were the two things, speaking it into existence and then giving away money as a tithe, something like that, to get more. But I would do things. Things like, oh, my God, thank you so much. I'm so excited that I have these new clients. This client is so much fun. I love traveling to this place. Oh, my God. So amazing. It's so fantastic. God, thank you so much. That I have the celebrity and the new CEO, and then, you know, and I would go on out. I'd be marching up and down my living room, and I'm telling you, man, the next day, I'd get a surprise phone call, and somebody would be like, I need your services. I'm like, thank you so much. I'm telling you, I kept. When I finally learned to not look at my situation, to not look at the empty bank account, to not look at the gap in the relationships that I had, there were none. To not look at my overweight body or that I didn't have time to go exercise, I wouldn't do that. I would speak about what I wanted, and slowly, slowly, slowly, I started getting out of it. And I'm telling you today, it's just, you know, and I look back over what I've gone through and literally had pennies in my account after the divorce and all sorts of stuff. Just so, so, so grateful. So I would just encourage anybody that if you're in squalor, if you're. If your life is down, it's in a bad place right now. If you don't even have the words, go find somebody else online that has those positive words. Either speak after them, well, if they're on YouTube, or write them down and speak it out into the universe. And the higher emotion and energy that you get and more gratitude, the quicker you're going to attract it. And I always do like to thank God instead of the universe.

I love it. And if you also want to get directly coached by this amazing lady, just go to her webpage, marygardener.com which is being pulled up right now. And you know what? You can sign up up for her boot camp. I still just. Because from the second I met you and heard you talk, I instantly liked you. But I just have a feeling that this boot camp, it's more than just learning how to speak on stage. I really feel like it's a opportunity to heal, to create, to cultivate and to advance and to bridge the gap. So that's so cool. You're so inspirational and fantastic. I'm going to walk you through a couple portions of your life, and then we're going to let you go. You've just been so great, Mary, thanks for sharing with us and giving us all this awesome content. And we do this thing called knowledge through the decades. We're not going to reveal your age, but we'll take it up to 50, even though I don't think you're 50. She's smiling. All right, so here's what I want to do. What we say is I want you to go back into your. Your life. And I know as a newborn baby, it's very tough to know if you remember being born, but what's the attitude lesson of a newborn baby or what's the attitude lesson? Maybe when you had your son with that, that. That birth, that new life, what's the attitude lesson there to pass on for you that you learned?

I would say it would be nurturing. And one of the things that my baby was in the NICU for many, many weeks. He was too born is really when I would walk in and he was hooked up to all the machines and he heard my voice, his heart would just go. So I know that, yeah, time spent with your loved ones is the most important thing. And they've done studies about those first six months and the first six, three months, I think really just time and loving and just loving on these people. And I really think that that that's what children need now more than anything is sit down and listen to your kids, no matter how old they are. My son and I now have a habit every night. Do you want some tea? Yep. Okay. Are you going to get it? Yep. And we sit down and we talk, and it's been the most amazing gift that we have had is just time together. So loving on people by communicating, I think that would be.

And that's, you know, and just that electric current between mother and child. The heart code, if you will. I think, you know, that's a term I hadn't heard about, giving heart energy as you walk around, which you suggested. I'm going to be doing that. I'm going to get this book because I so believe that I have energy right out of my heart, that I can shoot it right out of my heart into other people. I think that's just so cool. So I want you to think back now. You're a goofy little 10 year old. Probably, what, in fourth or fifth grade? I don't know, third or fourth grade. I want to know if you remember what your teacher's name was. What was the name of your school and at 10 years old, what was the attitude lesson you learned?

I love it, Mrs. Driscoll. Fourth grade and I went to Aloma Elementary School. And the attitude, you know, at fourth grade is when kids are playing full out. It doesn't happen until sixth grade, where girls start to get really shy and introverted and looking at the boys and thinking, oh, I can't do that. So fourth grade, man. I think fourth and fifth grade is what we all need to go back to and remember who we were at that time because that was when we were living full out. And I know for me, I was the little athlete. I was racing towards life as much as I could. And then as life beat me up, beat me to a pulp, I stopped doing it. I got shy, I got introverted, I stopped trying as hard, I became a victim. And now I came back to that place. So I would just say, hey, go back to age 4th and 5th grade if you had a good experience and embrace it and bring that little girl back.

That is so cool. Little Mary. Now, did you have brothers and sisters?

I did. I grew up with an older sister who was very artistic. My older brother beat on me a lot. So I became athletic. And I had a little brother who passed a couple years ago. He was my best friend. But yeah, so I was a big sister and a little sister. So. Yeah.

And obviously a Catholic.

Catholic and an athlete. I was a swimmer, so I think that that kind of marked my whole life. Is athletics.

Yeah. The discipline of swimming. Unreal. I mean, wow. Did you enjoy watching the Olympics and all the stories of the swimmers and.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. And I went to college. He was a little bit older than me, but Rowdy gained. So I always enjoy. And there's always Florida swimmers, so. Yeah.

Wow. So you were a high level swimmer?

Well, I opted not to swim in college, but I could have.

I just opted a lot of that going on. Trust me. I was a college football player and my son was a college wrestler. And I know a lot of people that said, you know what, I'm good, I've done it. So now you're 20 years old. Were you in, in college? Did you ever graduate from college? And when you think about being 20, what was your attitude lesson at 20?

Wow. I was about ready to graduate from Auburn University.

Oh, War Eagle.

War Eagle. War Eagle. Yeah, I was at that place where I think that I would have gone home to Orlando, which is where I am now. But my mom said, no, you'll never be happy here. You need to go make it in Washington D.C. and she made walls for me. And her mom did it for her too. She kind of like. And in a nice loving way, she set me up so I could go succeed somewhere else. And so that's what she did. And she kind of booted me out the door. And those that first year or two years were really hard. I moved up to Washington D.C. buying all my winter clothes in Florida. So in the middle of the winter, I was wearing sandals and walking across the snow in my high heeled sandals. Little did I know.

Oh my gosh. Way to go, Eileen at 20, huh? That's something. That little sweetheart knew what was best for her baby, but made the hard decision. How cool.

Yeah, she loved me enough to kick me out of the nest.

So your attitude lesson was, I better swallow what mom's saying and I'm gonna do something different? I mean, was that what it was?

You know what? I had no other choice but to get it done. And I was able to go work temporary jobs for a little while until I landed a full time job. And I sold myself so hard because it was a job that I wanted. I called them so many times they were either like, get rid of her or hire her because she is so aggressive. And so I just, I needed to eat. You know, when I was going, I was on Capitol Hill wearing, you know, I had like three outfits. That was it. And. And we could go and eat food every night because the lobbyists were throwing parties every night. That was how I fed myself. So it was some dry times. But then I worked hard and got that job at a place called Kepler Speakers. It was an agency. And yep, so was there for seven years. So I kind of grew up there and in sales.

And I know it's probably different, but maybe the more things change, the more they say the thing I can't let it go. So talk to me about the positive attitude of Washington. It's where the heartbeat of our government runs. And the negative attitude. I mean, what were the two attitude lessons of being on the Hill? But one good, one not so good.

The good thing is, is that I think my IQ went up 30 points by moving there. People in Washington are very intelligent. They are the best of the best. The best goes to Wall Street. If you're in finance, if you're in politics or law, you go to D.C. and so when you go out to a bar and meet people, if you didn't know the local politics, the regional politics, the state politics, national politics and international politics, you basically were not in a conversation. So if you get smart, you've got to know. So I learned how to study there. Auburn was very social, Very, very social and sweet. And when I got to Washington D.C. i was like, hey, y'. All. And the guys were like, hey. I was like, no, no, no, that's not me. So I quickly learned to adjust your culture. Yep, that's what happened. So I kind of lost that nativity and started to learn and I guess maybe it got a little smarter.

I don't know what was the worst part of Washington that you were like, man, this is not good.

I didn't feel like I could connect really easily with people. And it wasn't a beautiful, like, it wasn't a very fashion forward town back then. And I, you know, it was a lot of really, really smart people. I just didn't feel like I connected very, very well. And I was there for many years and ultimately ended up in New York City, which I loved. New York had a diverse group of people. You could find anything you wanted in New York. But to me back then, being it was a government type of person and they think very straight out of the box. I'm sure now there's a lot more entrepreneurs and I'm an entrepreneur. So I think out of the box back then I wasn't running into them or around them. So it was really hard for me to identify and to connect.

Yeah. And so that 30, I'm guessing when you turned 30, were you in New York and if you can remember your 30th birthday, what was your, what was your attitude lesson at 30? What was going on with you at 30?

I was starting a business and I had just moved to Charlotte, North Carolina from Washington, D.C. and. And I ended up sitting next to an editor at a luncheon, and she put my business and a picture of me in the newspaper, and it ended up all over the country that I was doing book tours for people. So I got really lucky, I think it probably was that I was ambitious and trying to meet people, and that's one of the things that we should be trying to do, is to meet people that can open doors for us. So I was ready to strike out on my own at age 30, and I did.

Awesome.

Yeah, I've been an entrepreneur ever since.

I can, like, see it in your eyes when you said it. You have the warrior in you. At 30, she became a warrior. So then at 40, things change for women a little bit, right? It's like, okay, holy crap, I can't believe we're here. It's been a pretty crazy 20 years. What was going on with you at 40 and what was your attitude lesson then?

Okay, thank you for reminding me of that. Just not so fun time. So, yeah, I had a little boy. My little boy at that time was struggling in school. I wish now I would have put him in a, you know, a class in the, you know, out on the farm or something like that. He was typical ADD and couldn't sit still for anything. He was getting in trouble all the time. We would be in Boy Scouts. I try to put him all the cool stuff, and he'd get kicked out of everything. And he was breaking, you know, we got kicked out of everything. And that was one of the biggest.

Much like your host, just so you know. That's my story. It's all good. Yeah, we're creative geniuses, man. But go ahead.

Amen to that. I totally believe it. I'm still, you know, trying to find that creative genius for him, but it set me on a journey that I got really tired of myself and everybody else screaming and yelling at him and. And trying to fit in a box. And I started just by staying at home with him more, and I started by massaging his shoulders and started changing the way that we ate. And ultimately we went gluten and dairy freedom. Our entire diet. No nitrates in the meat, no food diet. No high fructose corn syrup. We did magnets. We did filtered water. I did everything I could to learn about. He had some issues that were sensory issues and whatnot. And so a lot of our brain issues are because of the food that we eat. I was able to show that to the doctors. We put them on meds, and then we were able to take the meds down from 30mg down to 10 in like a month just by going gluten free. You know, the doctor took accurate notes, but just they didn't believe it. There wasn't the science to prove it. So basically I worked to really heal my son and to get him functioning in a way that for him works and he became a top notch little athlete. So really the formula over time was if you're on the American diet and feeding your children the American diet of pizza, hot dogs and hamburgers, you will be sick. There you go. It's just going to be the way it is. So you've got to get them off of all the processed foods, off of all the bread, and really integrate vegetables, which is such a bad word in so many places, but vegetables, and stop the food dye and all the sugars and you'll start to have kids that are functioning at a higher level. And guess what? We do too. So I've learned myself to eat better and I have been a religious zealot about that for a long time. Helping families understand how to change their behavior in their life by changing their food.

I love it. You can go back to season one of the Get Attitude podcast. Attitude booster number nine, eat right and exercise. We did four great podcasts on nutrition and exercise and you just hit number nine on the head, which is great. And so now 50, we're at the big five zero. What I want to know is what is your attitude reality now? Where are you going and what's the attitude lesson when you hit 50?

I love the 50s. I'm in my mid-50s and I've grown so much more in this decade than ever and not done with the decade. But I think you accept life. I think I have more faith that life is going to work out at this point. I've lost a lot of friends. I think a lot of us have over the past several years. And it's a lot more public being on social media. So you hear about people that pass. And I'm now set. I'm situated in my passion and in my purpose. And I know my purpose in life. And I've gotten to be able to have time that I can do self care. And I am very aware that myself. I used to think I was an extrovert. I'm really not. I'm an ambivert. And that means I have to refuel alone. And so that took down my anxiety level a lot. So I value my personal alone time. I write in a journal so I'm just, I love this stage. You know, it's harder or it is, I guess it is harder to stay in touch with fitness, but if you just make it a habit every day. And I readjust food, I'm going to a place called the Herb House. So we're readjusting diet and supplements and all that kind of stuff. So I've taken the all natural path for everything that I do. And I think you just have to keep adjusting and then stay in the game. Stay in the game. Stay in the game. I'll tell you, a lot of people come to me like, how are you? How are you doing it? You know, maybe their husband's left them a lot of money and they're able to retire at the tennis court. Good for them. If you're happy, that's awesome. But during COVID and the last couple years, I started going back to do pottery and horseback riding. I'm in the pool several days a week. I've reconnected with friends from high school and I recently met someone and I do have a tip on that. Manifesting the person of your dreams is really.

Well, yeah, we've heard this before. Yes.

Yeah, it's been amazing. I just, I feel very, very blessed that I have met somebody. And so it's, you know, this is a great stage. So always look forward to ahead. Keep yourself, I think, keeping that picture of who you want to be right in the forefront. And, you know, I've had posters of magazines of what I wanted in my life, and now I'm able to look at those magazines like, oh, yep, done that. Yep, done that one. Yep, done that one. I don't have the physical body yet of some of them, but I'm going to keep trying.

That a girl. That a girl. Well, it's all about living in your vision, not in your circumstance, which is something that we really try to help people with. Mary Gardner, you have just been a. You've been a Brighton. A bit of sunshine in my day here from Indianapolis, Indiana. I know that our Get Attitude podcast listeners, if they came on today to hear about somebody who has grown, who has used grow or die in their life, you've certainly given that to us. You've given us all kinds of antidotes, you've given us answers, you've given us strategies on how to bridge the gap, and we are so grateful. I always like to just give you one more opportunity to talk to the thousands of people that are listening to you right now. Give them your message of hope. I mean, look at we're coming out of the pandemic, we may be going back into it, I don't know. But give me my, give me your best Mary Gardner vision of hope or words of hope for the people that are listening today. And we're just so grateful that you've given us what you've given us for this past 50 minutes. And I'll give you the last word. And we're going to dedicate this to the wonderful Eileen Gardner. So go ahead and tell us your vision of hope or your message of hope for the folks that are out there listening to you today.

That's so sweet. Well, I'll tell you, I have the last couple days watched the movies from the world War, you know, world wars, and we are still not in a bad place. We are in a really good place. It's amazing to see what our country has already gone through. To get to the place where we have freedom and to value our freedom is so very important. Bond with your community, bond with God, know who you are in this world and really pursue your own passion. And when you find that passion, it's about giving back. And so if we all are hand in hand together, walking through this together, being kind to each other, we're going to make it and we're going to make it really well. And so I just wish all of you the best. Blessings to all of you. Prayers for all of you and God bless America. So happy to live here.

Amen. God bless America. That was Mary gardner. Go to marygardner.com to check her out. That's G A R D N E R. She is the charisma coach. I say she's the queen of charisma. And I hope that she gave you a little pep in your step, a little bounce. But most of all, I hope she got you some attitude today. Mary Gardner, thanks for being with us on the Get Attitude podcast.

Thank you for having me.

All right. Thanks, Mary. This podcast is a part of the C Suite Radio Network. For more top business podcasts, visit c-suiteradio.com.