S2E4 - Laura DiBenedetto

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Learn more how you show up and interact with yourself, with others, with situations that arise. And I firmly believe that we are the architects of our attitude. We get to decide what they are. If it stinks, it's your fault. If it's wonderful, you get to take the credit. But it is all something we get to be in control of in terms of who gets the credit for at least planting the seeds. Of course it's mom and dad, because I am very much like them. If you were to meet mom and dad, you'd be like, wow, you are literally just like both of them in both the best and the worst ways. But we can get into that later.

Yeah. So, yeah, well, let's just get into it now. Tell me about mom and dad. What did they do and what was maybe the biggest attitude lessons you learned from each of them?

Great. All right, so mom and dad are both retired. Mom is 77, dad is 75. And they were both entrepreneurs back when they were working and my dad was in sales and shoot. I mean, my husband will tell you have adopted a lot more of their annoying qualities. I like to think I picked up just the best parts. But the things that I actually got from my mom is her unrelenting ability to figure out any problem you throw a challenge her way. And she's like, yeah, I'm on it. And it's like, it's solved in two minutes. She's sharp as a tack. She's still got a wicked sense of humor. Everybody likes her and she takes zero crap. And I'm just like that. My dad is a salesperson that could sell ice to an Eskimo. He is a super curious, big kid that refuses to grow up and likes to pet all the animals. And that is very much me. So if you and I are walking down a street in Italy somewhere, I'll be like, oh, my God, it's a kitty. Hi. And I want to pet him. Yeah. Growing up is for old people, and I'm not going to do that. And I learned that for both of them.

That's fantastic. Talking about growing up, I just like you started my own business at 19. Talk to us A little bit about what that was like and what that business was and what was your attitude when you started that business? What was going on inside your heart? What was going on inside your head that said, screw it, I'm doing this.

So 19 was not filled with loads of expertise and gravitas and lots of stuff to sell. What I had at 19 was courage for days. Probably that far outweighed my actual skill. And I decided to go into entrepreneurship because I had a series of jobs in one year, 14 actually, where I got fired from half and I quit the other half. And I was like, wow, this is stupid. I don't think I want to work for the company. I think I need to own it. So I'm going to go ahead and build a company that I like, that I don't feel like is run by people I can't respect. And I will be paid handsomely because I know I'm valuable. Off I go. I went riding off into the sunset of 10 million challenges and screwing things up along the way. But I got banged up and bruised up and whatever. I came out on the other side and there I am.

And what was the business?

So it's the company I own in Massachusetts now, Vision Advertising. Oh, wow.

Wow.

Yeah, yeah. 21 years.

You got in the advertising business at 19.

Company that could go on buy alcohol.

Yeah, there you go. Exactly. I've been there. So you've been in the advertising space for a long time and boy, has that morphed and changed. Just real quick, what was advertising in 2000 and what is advertising today?

Well, it was very analog before. It was very like, you know, event based. A lot of traditional marketing that still exists, but the marketplace has really been augmented to include like all these non traditional means like social media, like stuff like TikTok and you know, virtual events. Like nobody ever heard of this stuff years ago. The thing that I love about my field is that the principles have always remained the same. The thing that I hate about my field is that the methodologies and the execution of the principles continues to be a moving target. So if you understand the foundation of marketing, which is the core of what we do, you can apply it to anything. And over the years, we've done things with event marketing, publicity, and even helping companies to get sold and end up on the New York Stock Exchange, which is really, really incredible. But my favorite has always been helping mom and pop businesses. Nothing's more satisfying than seeing someone that you really, really care about be able to put their kid through college because their business is Crushing it. And they are thanking you. It's like, yeah, buddy. All right. And regardless of the methodology, that feeling and that way of being able to deliver joy and success at like a micro level has always been there and it still continues to be awesome.

If one of our gappers I know we have many of them are small business owners or mom and pop. What are the two best marketing ideas that you can give them? Or what are the two lessons? Or what are the two things they should know about marketing?

That's a good question. How much time you got? I'll keep this brief. Honestly, the first piece of advice I have regarding marketing is advice that no one ever wants, but it's the advice that will make you the most money. You need to learn before you spend. You need to arm yourself to the teeth with the foundational wisdom of why people buy things. Understanding the psychology of what makes sales happen and what makes sales fall apart. Why does someone buy a Rolex? Why does someone buy gas at that one versus that one? Why does someone spend money on a monthly program? Why do they not buy it? You have to understand the why that motivates purchases before you do anything. So this is honestly, this is the wisdom that I wish every client of mine had before they hired me. They don't, obviously, which is why they hire me. I give it to them as we go. But if you understand why people do what they do and who they are, which is part two, really deeply understanding who you're speaking to intimately, right down to their brand of jeans and where they bought them from, you're going to be a much better marketer. So here's a great example to kind of drive it home because I could certainly talk about these things in the abstract, but examples ground things when we decide to start a business. What's your product? Oh, it's a widget. Great. Who's it for? Oh, it's for anybody. Great. What's your marketing plan? Oh, I don't know. I figure I'll just put it on Facebook and people will tell their friends wrong. One of the most effective marketing programs that I saw recently in the last week is for a triple board certified gynecologist who created a bunch of products for pre and post menopausal women. It's a really super ultra niche. Right. And she knows exactly what part of the country they hail from, what economic bracket they're in, what they need to hear to feel good at night and why they don't buy these things and what they're up to. Upset about when you understand someone's rage, you understand how to get into their wallet. So this woman, she's printing her own money, she's killing it. She's doing a wonderful job. And when we get super specific about why people buy and understanding the mechanics of transactions and sales, then we can understand who's buying it. And then we can put these two pieces of wisdom together and then we can start to print our own money.

Yeah, that's awesome. Way to drop bombs on that deal. I think about Jeffrey Gittamer when he talks about the why, why do people buy? I'm sure you've probably heard of this, but he said it's about what they do a month after they own the product. That's the why. You got to see them with your product a month later. Had you heard that before? I thought it was brilliant. I was like, man, that's cool.

No, but it makes a lot of sense because if someone buys a 12 month model marketing program from my company, what they want a month after they signed is they want to know that they don't have to do the marketing themselves. They want to know that, oh my gosh, I'm getting customers. Hey, look at that. I've got orders coming in and I didn't have to do anything except write a check. That's what they want. They're not buying the contract. They actually don't care. What they care about is the result.

That's true. I was listening to Barbara Corcoran on a interview with Gary Vee today, and she was fired 21 times in a year when she was 20. And that's how she started a real estate company. So out of those 14 jobs that you had, what's the worst job you have ever had?

Oh, God, I had some doozies. Nothing against the fine folks at Friendly's, but I hated being an ice cream scooper because I would go home sticky. I would go and drive all over the great state of Massachusetts picking up these puny little checks for a charity. And I was supposed to get like a 10% cut and like 10% of a $10 check just really didn't make me feel good about life. I was a technician in a lock manufacturing plant and I got fired because I was working on rate and I wasn't fast enough and I was always going home in this great goo called Never Seize. Turns out it's an amazing product that helps your stuff to never seize. It really does what it says on the 10. But yeah, I've had so many crappy jobs and most of Them I found to be deeply dehumanizing. And it not the job itself. Because my favorite job of all time was Burger King.

Really?

Okay. And people are like, oh, you don't want to make fries? You know, go to college so you don't have to be making fries for a living. I will have. You know, I had more fun at that job than any other job. And I learned work ethic and discipline systems and processes and customer service at that job. But people leave jobs because of the people they work for. And the worst job I ever had was working for these dehumanizing people that would constantly take credit for my work, always insult me in front of other people, make me look bad. Because I was the junior member of the team, they'd expect me to stay late, never thank me for it. And then if I had the gall to be two minutes late, of course they'd pick on that. And I'm like, wow, your big picture thinking skills are really crappy because I'm doing OT for you. I'm covering your butt and who cares if I'm two minutes late?

Yeah, crazy talk.

I'm out.

I want to jump back to Burger King. My guess is that the leader in that shop, the general manager, probably was a phenomenal leader because.

No, he was not.

But the supervisor was the supervisor, right. So I just, let's give him or her credit. What was his or her name?

Brent.

Brent.

Brent, yeah, Brent. God bless him. I look back on this fellow and I just remember him freaking out in moments. He was not exactly cool under pressure, but he knew how to, he knew how to handle things when they got a little rough. So the Burger King I worked at was actually on the Massachusetts turnpike and it was one of the busiest ones in the entire state. And I remember him freaking out. This is hysterical. He'd freaking out. He'd be running around like ripping his hair. Oh my God, we got 14 buses to just build in. Oh my God. Put the fries down, put the buns in the steamer, do this, do that. And I'd be like, bring it on, Armageddon.

Hahaha.

It was awesome. He would freak out. I remember I got written up one time for kissing a particularly cute customer while I was punched in. Shouldn't do that either.

Nice job. Yeah. So the bottom line is when the buses come in, everybody craps their pants. They're like, oh no, not at all.

Batten down the hatches. It was awesome watching him freak out. Of course, I was 16, okay, so like 16 year old me, I was just watching this grown man completely lose his marbles over, like, buses pulling in. I'm like, we got this. Like, we always got this. We've had like 45 buses pull in with a line, like, seriously snaking in the queue.

Oh, my gosh.

With like, you know, 500 people deep and him like, shouting and freaking out and throwing hamburgers and this and that. Good times.

So, you know, you're in Boston, you're on the turnpike. I know you started your business young. I what possessed you to go to Maui? Like, how old were you? And what was going on were you said, I'm checking out. I'm going from Boston to freaking Maui. That's crazy.

Freaking Maui. So. Well, I've only lived here for a year and a half, and when I had basically put in 19 years at vision Advertising full time and then some, I was feeling a little crispy around the edges. I can't lie. I was really looking to retire. No, not like super ultra multi billionaire, but just, I don't want to do the work anymore, but I'd very much like to keep the income. So I found an unbelievable woman to run the company in my absence, and she ran it. And I was, when you get burnt out, you stop being very good at your job. So she lovingly fired me, and it was the only time I got fired that I ever really enjoyed. And then once I was just sitting around basically picking belly button lint, I was like, well, you know, Maui looks good. I think I'm going to go ahead and peace out and go over there and hang out with some sea turtles as soon as we're done putting on the swimsuit and hopping in the ocean.

That's cool. And the fact that you could recognize that a lot of the folks that are listening here are probably at the time in their life where they're going, I need to get rid of a spouse. I need to get rid of a job. I need to get rid of a location. The Get Attitude podcast is about creating that new person. It's about helping people get from who they are to who they want to become. And so what I'd love to know is what's your advice for people who feel like they're about at the end of their wits? It's time for a life change. What's the process that you recommend for them to actually follow through, to do it and to bridge that gap from who they are to who they want to be? Is there a process that you would use or how does that work?

Yeah, totally. So a couple things I Want to state before I really kind of, like, unpack the answer for you. Me moving here was not about becoming happy. I moved here because I became happy. And happiness is not where you are. It's not what you do or who you with. Happiness is who you are. And it was because I worked on who I was to become who I am that gave me the courage to move 5,000 miles away from the mom and dad that I just told you about that I love very, very much. So there's that. So I want to tell you, like, a small story, and I think this will really kind of answer the question for you. So when I retired, and I say this in air quotes because people are like, oh, my God, you're retired. Wow. No, it's not wow. I was getting to the finish line on my face. I was tired. I was screwing up. I was bitchy. I was just not great, right? I had a moment with myself where I was like, wow, this is not what I thought it would be. And I had that moment in my first marriage, too. Wow. It's not what I thought it would be. Right? And I think that at this moment that we all get to seems like it's in our 30s, 40s, or 50s, we get to this moment in our lives where we're like, damn, I don't like this anymore. I don't want it now. I love my company, but I didn't love working at it full time anymore. And that's okay. 19 years of anything is a lot. And, you know, 19 years of a marriage that you're really not enjoying is a lot. Hell, a year of a marriage you're not enjoying is a lot. And having the courage to let go of something that isn't serving you is okay. It doesn't mean you're running towards something better. Sometimes it's just getting away from the thing that's not serving you. So when I got to this place of quiet and just basically sitting with myself and all my negative thoughts, I was wondering where I had gone wrong. And in doing the research, because I'm a nerd and I'm an entrepreneur, I see a problem and it's like, ooh, can I solve it? I started to research, well, what is happiness? Where did I go wrong? What did I miss? Is there, like, some sort of secret formula? Do I need to, like, drink celery juice every morning? Do I need, like, to meditate and yoga? Am I not manifesting hard enough? Like, what's the deal? So I wanted to know what it was. And in my Research, I found that it's not really the what you do, it's more why you do it. It's the things inside of you that determine whether or not you'll stay in a shitty marriage that doesn't serve you, or if you'll stay in a job that's completely breaking you down and ruining you. Now, I love my company, like I said, but the fact that I work to so, so hard for so many years, like with an unrelenting level of stress that I did to myself, to be clear, it became a job and a thing that was destroying me, and I had to take responsibility for that. And the thing that set me free was taking a look at my attitude. And everything that I teach inside the six habits is all about the attitude adjustment that I found and the formula that we can all use to adjust our attitude. Because our attitud attitude is a reflection of how we treat ourselves, how we feel about ourselves, how we regard life, especially the hard things, how we process our desires, how we choose to spend our time and focus our attention, and what kind of energy we invite into our lives or what we repel. It's all attitude. So I had to fix that.

And so how did you fix it?

Well. Well, it's mental habit. And lots of people think of things like habit, and they're not wrong with having coffee every morning or flossing or not flossing, smoking, whatever. But mental habits are things that we often ignore. And I mean, Glenn, this is kind of your jam. It's all about the mental world. It's the attitude we often ignore, our habitual thought pattern. How do we respond to adversity? How do we respond to things not going our way? How do we respond when our spouse is being a jerk or leaving the damn kitchen cabinets open for the 50,000th time this week? Like, how do we respond to that? Well, we typically do it the same way every time, maybe with a minor variation, but the response is usually the same. If we can get control of that. Right. That is where we're set. So this is where the six mental habits come into play.

Yeah. So it's like a pattern interrupt or pattern disrupt. Right? Totally in response. So then let's just talk. We don't need to go through all six, but I'm gonna just mention them because they're so good. And then I think I'm just gonna let you take one or two. Kindness, acceptance, gratitude, presence, goodness, and intention. Boom. So here's the deal, gappers. If you are just feeling and not at peace, not fulfilled. You need to buy this book. You need to buy the six Habits. And the really, really cool thing about what Laura's done is she's actually developed a 90 day habit mastery program that once you read the Six Habits book of these things that we're going to jump into here, you can actually go to her website, lauradibadetto.com. right. Which is going to be in our show notes. You can click there, sign up for the 90 day habit mastery program. There'll be a special probably attitude or something. But go to our show notes and you'll see it. But if you really want to work on this, if you want to change your life, right. If you want to change your state, if you want to change your happiness level, Laura and her content are going to do that. So let's go through the six. We don't need to go through them all. But like, where does it all begin? Does it all begin with kindness or does it begin with something else? Because attitude booster number one is be nice. So I'm like all on this.

Right. I want to actually begin with a disclaimer, if I may.

Sure.

The words, the six words you've just mentioned, they're all words we've heard before and therefore they tend to be quickly and immediately dismissed because they seem, oh, well, I've heard those before. Next. And you just go on to the next self help book without actually changing your life.

Yeah.

The thing is, because the words themselves are not revelatory, but the idea that they are mental habits that one can acquire and master, that's the revelation you need to lean hard into. So let me define them for you. Kindness. Kindness is how we treat ourselves with the thoughts, words and love. It's all from ourselves to ourselves. And if you are a master of just living a normal life where you're just kind of living and doing your thing, you're actually probably a bully to yourself without even realizing it. You probably say stuff when you're trying to take a swing for the fences and ask for more money than you've ever made in your whole life. Ooh, I don't know. They're probably gonna say no. Hey, hey, that's your inner bully talking. But what you need to be is your own inner nurturing parent, which sounds like the mom of a teenager that's gon to ask their, you know, their crush out on a first date. You can do it, honey. I believe in you and you're worth everything. And if they say no, screw them. Right? You got to be your own internal Cheerleader. And when you are kind to yourself as your default, not something you think about, right. You are empowered to do anything you want. The second habit is acceptance. This is how we feel about ourselves. And this is unconditional love that we have for ourselves. Now, I listen. I know that women between like 35 and 55 have some of the hardest time with this, right? Accepting who we are. Maybe our stretch marks, maybe some of our career misses. Maybe the fact that a marriage isn't working out so great, or we lost ourselves when we became mothers. Or we're second guessing ourselves because we don't really know where we belong in the world or who we are or what we want, or we're really not liking what's happening with gravity. We have to accept ourselves, okay? And when we accept ourselves, we unconditionally love who we are, what we look like, every mistake we've made. And we choose to lean in and be like, no, baby, I'm fabulous. If you don't like it, you can leave. This is undeniable, like, self love in a really intense way. Like warts and all. So the third habit is gratitude. Gratitude. I've been seeing this epic trend, and I love it. I'm like, sign me up for all the gratitude things. Where people are like, writing down 10 little things that they're grateful for before they go to bed at night. Hell yeah. Right? But a gratitude attitude is one where you approach every challenge in your life with gratitude. Like, wow, this really sucks. But you know what? I'm actually getting a lot out of this. Even though this is terrible, I will be the first one to tell you this. I am choosing to leave Maui. I am leaving, and I'm leaving of my own volition. And it hurts like crazy, okay? Because it's just not a place I ever wanted to leave. But it's the right decision. I'm so grateful that I came. I'm so grateful that I can learn from this experience and share so freely with others and let my transformation and my pain really speak to other people so they can be empowered. So I look at the crap with gratitude. I look at the things I overlook, like the fact that I have sight, I have fingers. We overlook these things all the time.

Sure.

But I choose to be grateful.

Attitude, love, adversity. So there you go. I love that. So, all right. Number four is presence. That's what every woman wants in a man. Boys, if you're listening, am I wrong? Women just want us to be present.

Yeah. Yeah. So the interesting thing about being on Maui it's amazing how many people fly here and they're so obsessed with getting a picture of the sunset versus enjoying it.

Yeah, go to Fort Myers, Florida. Same thing. I'm like, dude, you can look at it on YouTube. Really?

Yeah. It's like, also, just buy a print. You're not gonna get a good job with your smartphone.

It is crazy.

Live the moment right. We miss out, but, like, you know, we get caught in, you know, distracting and numbing out with our. With our devices or the things we like or conversations and just really not wanting to be with what is. We find ourselves wishing we were at home when we're at work or when we're at work, wishing we're at home. My husband, God bless him, he's guilty of that. When I remember, like, back when he used to be able to work before the pandemic, he would be just like, oh, my God, I've been thinking about you all day. Why, thank you. But, like, think about your damn job. And then when he'd be at home, he'd be like, oh, well, I gotta do this at work. Baby, be where you are, okay? You will be a better husband and a better servant of the world when you are fully opted into every single moment.

Yeah, the.

It makes a difference.

The great Jim Rohn quote. Wherever you are, be there.

Yeah, baby. I appreciate that one. So the thing about presence is we also need to be present with the things that suck because we're able to get through them better. And I will give you a concrete example. I had two miscarriages. The second one was much, much more tragic than the first. Physically painful, absolutely destroyed me. But instead of trying to numb out, drinking the pain away or going out with girlfriends and just trying to get away from it, I leaned in. I stayed home for days. I cried and cried and cried until my eyes were so puffy I couldn't see anymore. I leaned into the grief, and I was very present with it as a result, got through it much faster. I'm fine. People say to me, oh, my God, I'm so sorry. I'm like, why? I'm fine. I'm genuinely fine. And it's because I chose to be present with the pain, not just the pleasure of life.

That is so freaking cool and so honorable and admirable that you would share that with us. It's just such a great lesson. And I'm sure that people that are listening to us have been through the same thing. So that was awesome. Let's go to number five.

Five is goodness. I like this One in particular, because I find that people think they've got it nailed, but they don't. Goodness is energy management. It's really being mindful of what energy is coming in, inviting more good, and tossing out the toxic garbage. This means you need boundaries. So is your husband saying stuff to you or expecting you to do more emotional labor? Honey, you need a boundary. Do you need to start a business? Great. Invite that into your life. Do you need more time with your friends? Do you need to excuse yourself from a meeting for five minutes to compose yourself before you punch someone or want to just basically off yourself in the middle of the meeting? You have to invite the good energy into your life and you have to repel the bad. And politically, I don't care where you stand. Nobody wants the uncle sitting at the Thanksgiving dinner table talking about how they feel about gun control laws. Nobody wants to do that. They just want to talk about gratitude things at Thanksgiving. This means you need a boundary, Right? But that's where you have to recognize what is toxic for you, get rid of it and what's good for you. And believe me, I'm all about this whole concept of self care, but it goes way beyond self care. Sometimes it's I need a minute or oh my God, I have four teenagers that are driving me crazy and I'm probably going to sell all of them. I can't do this anymore. Cool. Get in your car and go for a drive around the block. They're old enough, they won't burn the house down. Just take 10 minutes. It's okay, right?

I love it.

You have to honor what we need as humans. It's garbage in, garbage out. Remember that.

Sure, absolutely. And then, so let's put a bow on this gift that you've just given us. And that's intention. So tell us that sixth habit.

Intention is awesome. It's kind of like the love language of entrepreneurs. Intention is knowing what you want and then taking action on it. Clearly, yes. Understand the big picture, right? But you need to make sure that you are always taking tiny action forward. And when these are all your habits of existence, they work together in harmony. And when you're a master at kindness and acceptance, you're more of a badass when you are living in all of these habits. And the thing about intention as a habit is you see challenges, you see fear, and you're like, that's nice. Move forward anyway. And you do this habitually. You don't have to force yourself to dig up the gumption. You just go. Because going and moving and pushing that ball up the hill is what you do. Now I've briefly explained these to you. I haven't even begun to unpack these. The thing that I want everybody to know about these habits is hearing about them is great. It's an invitation to learn more. Which is why people should do what you said and read the book. Because I say this with full transparency. I have been a self help junkie for a long time and I got so aggravated that nothing ever actually made my life better. I just enjoyed listening to the books or reading the books that I was determined to build something better. Built a practical zero fluff book that has tools in it that you can use as you read the book or when you're finished with the book and the 90 day habit mastery program so you can go from wow, that seems like a great idea to oh damn, my life is amazing. I can't believe I built this.

Yeah, yeah, it's so good. And the fact that you have a follow up product is good. Just like with the ABCs of attitude, we have the ABCs of attitude playbook which helps people transform, identify and grow their attitude. So, so so cool. Laura D. Benedo hold on. Dibenedetto, right? Laura dibenedetto, you have been an absolute bomb dropper. You've been so good, so personal and I think you're gonna relate to a lot of people that have been listening to us. We are gonna take a quick break. This podcast is sponsored by success.com if you success starts here. We will be back in just a moment.

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And we are back with Laura D. Benedetto. She is the author of the Six Habits. She is also a Life mastery coach, a keynote speaker and a TEDx speaker. Real quick, Laura, what's your TEDX talk about? The six habits?

Well, I think the. Yeah, it's kind of obvious. It's about mental habits and, you know, how we can be set free with one core idea, which is master your mental habits and you're free.

I love it. I love it. Okay, so now what we're going to do is this thing called knowledge. Through the decades. Now, you may or may not remember being born, but we always like to ask people, what is the attitude lesson of a newborn baby?

Cry and scream and demand everything you want, I think, and you shall get it.

Right, right. And sometimes, you know, I think about what your training is and what you've really been talking to us about. Master your mental right. It's like you need to cry and scream like a baby to master and capture your mental strength. Right. Isn't it the same way you do?

Actually, you know what, you're bringing up something so valuable. I just, I have to say this because I feel like everybody's going to really appreciate this. I want to talk about a three year old that wants ice cream so bad. Remember when you were three and you wanted ice cream so bad? I sure do.

Okay.

I'm also 40 and I want ice cream basically every day of my life. But I digress. So basically, think about the three year old, that tenacious little bugger. They are not being unkind to themselves. They're like, no, no, no, I want the ice cream, I deserve the ice cream. Duh. Right? They accept themselves. They're like, I'm a person that wants ice cream and therefore I shall have it. I mean, is there any other outcome to entertain here? Duh. When they get it, they're like, oh my God, ice cream. Totally loaded with gratitude. And they're so present and fixated on their damn ice cream cone. It's like the cone of a lifetime. Right? They're not thinking about toxic energy adding goodness to their life. And you know who's the most badass human of all time is the three year old that wants the ice cream when it comes to intention, because nothing stands in that little bugger's way. Nothing. You ever try to say no to that little guy?

No.

You will suffer dearly.

Yeah.

So that's one of the lessons I got from being a toddler.

Yes, well, and it embodies all six of the habits. Right. And again, just to restate, if you want to take control of your mental, what do you call it? Your mental. Mental Habits, your mental habits. If you want to take control of your mental habits, it's time to act like a freaking baby about it. Go get the cone. Go get the ice cream cone. Of the mental habits. I love it. Now I want you to think about when you were 10 years old. You were probably in third or fourth grade. I bet you were fun in third or fourth grade. What was the attitude lesson when you think back to that, that comes to you?

Play, be playful, be present. Like just live. I actually remember this. A little story in the book that I talk about this like, the art of play is something that we as adults, we just old fart our way out of and we really shouldn't. Play is the thing that keeps us youthful and alive and it gives us a reason to live. The whole point of living is to enjoy this journey, not to pay taxes and go to work and deal with traffic. Right?

Amen. And the thing I loved, what a.

Great message is I remember sitting on the grass and like just poking through the blades and just enjoying the breeze in my hair and the sun and popping out more freckles and just looking for little bugs in the grass and just being there and just playing. And I feel like I probably still even need that reminder to play more. And we all do.

I was gonna say, when's the last time you done that?

Yesterday.

Good for you.

Yesterday I was bouncing around in the waves and keeping my eye out for sea turtles. I don't care. I look, I can see fish. 15,000 sea turtles.

And you love it.

It will always be exciting. And my inner 3 year old is like, oh my God, it's a sea turtle. Every time.

I love it. Now we got a little bit of a taste of you at 19 and 20, but the attitude lesson, when you look back on your life, when you look back at that 20 year old. Laura, what was the attitude lesson that you learned at 20?

Move fast and break stuff.

Nice.

The wonderful thing about being 19 and 20 is you don't need to be perfect. You think you do right, and you look back and you try to look cool and you try to be smart and all these things, you're none of those things. And just honestly move fast, try things, break stuff, mess it up, get fired, like quit stuff, who cares? That's the time in your life when you've got so much freedom and it introduces you to enough autonomy and freedom, but as little risk as possible. So it gives you probably one of the most courageous windows of time in your life. So 19 to 20, that whole zone was all about courage and just whatever. If it works, it works. If it doesn't, whatever. It was a journey. Cool.

And I love that. And I think the added point is, no matter what age you are, all of these. These attitude lessons that Laura is giving us, they may work now, even if you're 60, even if you're 70, who cares? Like, move fast, break shit, who cares how old you are? So that's beautiful. So now let's go to 30. Where were you in your life at 3010 years ago, roughly? Do you remember turning 30? Do you remember your birthday? And what's your attitude lesson there.

Really? Own yourself. So at 30, own who the hell you are. Stand firm in your badassery, look in the mirror and be like, yeah, bitch, I look good. Oh, what's that? I'm closing another million dollar contract. Of course I am. You know, stand tall, pop your collar, and keep on moving like you are accomplished and you're young enough to appreciate the fruits of your labor when you are that young. And, you know, even if you've just been, like, experimenting and whatever. Like, my life lesson at 30 was to actually start to feel proud of myself for the things I was doing, the person I was, and what I looked like. I find, like, women in particular, they spend their whole lives loathing what they look like. And 30 is when I really started to appreciate, oh, damn, I'm a really attractive woman.

Yes.

I'm a really nice wife. I'm a really good business owner. I'm great at sales. Hey, I'm cool. So 30, personal flag waving. Be your own cheerleader.

That's great. And I hope that those gappers that are listening understand that you all have greatness within you. You all have what Laura's just talking about. So embrace that. Listen to it. Rewind this podcast for the past minute and make that your mantra for the next 30 days. Just listen to her say that. Make sure you also go to Laura's website, which is 6habits.com. Is that right? The6habits.com thesixhabits.com right.thesixhabits.com or Laura DiBenedo Laurad benedetto.com it will be in the show notes. All right, so now let's go to 40. What is the attitude lesson? Are you, like, near 40? Are you on the way to the side of 40? But I'm guessing you're like, just 40.

My birthday to turn 40 is in four days. And I will tell you what I'm currently learning. I am learning. And this life lesson at this point in time is. How do I state this? It is standing my ground. It is firmly refusing to be pushed down when people want to make me do things I don't want to do or live a life I don't agree with with, and knowing that I'm right when I'm right and picking my battles. This is also a year where I'm learning. Thank you, 2020, you jerk. This is the year where I'm learning so much about surrender and how to let go. I'm. Oh God, my poor husband. He'll tell you this. I'm a very, very fierce type. A very difficult human being to live with. I want what I want and I want it on my terms. Does this sound surprising to you, given our conversation so far? Probably not. But what I'm learning, and this is hard, is to surrender and let things be what they are, but also to still stand by my convictions in the face of the surrender and let things be what they are. I mean, I said I'm moving away from Maui and it's because I firmly believe in certain things and my joy, my liberty, those are important to me and I will not back down. So I am pursuing my dream on my terms and I'm having to surrender to the fact that it will not be lived out here on Maui, but it will be lived out in Jacksonville, Florida. So if you're in Jacksonville, call me.

I love it. Laura D. Benedetto. She just, I think, gave us an awesome podcast. Thank you for your openness, for your caring, thank you for your presence. Thank you for coming here with the intention of, of making a difference for our gappers. We are so, so indebted to you. This was just so fun. So awesome. Please go to Laura D. Benedetto's website, which is her name, which will be in the show notes. Or go to thesixhabits.com get on that 90 day habit mastery program. Buy her book. Last thought. Laura, what's your message of hope for the people that are listening to this? Hey, look at it's 2020. It's been 20 tough. People are down. People are Covid fatigued. What's your message of hope for our gappers? Then we're going to let you go.

I love that you asked me that. I've got a really good answer for you.

Good.

Lots of people have said over the years that the root of all evil is greed or it's money. It's neither. It's insecurity. And insecurity is a lack of being secure. If we take a look at what's wrong in the world. Fear mongering, the political upheaval, the civil unrest. All of the things and even the things that we've been hearing about for years with, you know, child trafficking and all these terrible things. Why do people do terrible stuff? Why do they treat their spouses like crap? Why do they abuse their children? Why do they develop drinking problems? It's because of a deep insecurity inside of someone. If we individually choose to master these mental habits, we become the change we wish to see in the world. And when we wish to see the world kinder, more functional, more giving, more loving, more embracing of differences and just letting people live and really create. Cooperating and collaborating. If we all do this, we can inspire others to do it. And when we can collectively rise through these six habits, believe it or not, we can actually change our civilization within one generation. And all it does is it begins with us. And a choice to actually master ourselves.

I love it. And to master our mental habits. So that is a wrap. Thank you, Laura D. Bennett. We appreciate you on the Gap. Make sure that you guys share this. Make sure that you look her up. And we want to thank you for sitting in with us on season number two of the Get Attitude podcast. This podcast is a part of the C Suite Radio Network. For more top business podcasts, visit C Suite radio. Com.