Dealing with criticism | Mindset Talk with Hadar

Hey. Hey, everyone. Welcome to day three inside the seven day pronunciation challenge, also called Clear and confident. And this concept of clear and confident is really what we do, because clear is all about the pronunciation work that we do in the second part of the day and confident is what we do in the first part of the day, which is now. Welcome to the Mindset Talk. Today we're going to talk about dealing with criticism. I'm just going to say hi to everyone in the comments. Hello. Hello. Thank you for everyone who joined us live and thank you for those of you who watch the replay. I know that this goes live when a lot of people are asleep around the world, so I appreciate you watching it. Okay. Dealing with criticism, despite what you think, you will never be able to avoid criticism by default. The only way to avoid criticism is to not do anything. Not to speak, not to take action, not to dare. Because unfortunately people have opinions and sometimes those opinions are not going to be aligned with what you think is right to do and what you want to do. Definitely not what you want to do. So by, by definition, criticism is something that we cannot and should not avoid. Now, why is criticism so hard to manage? And why is. The fear of criticism is one of the biggest reasons that hold us back from speaking and from showing up publicly. And if you are a content creator or a teacher or a business owner, sometimes it might even prevent you from showing up and doing the work that you know you need to do for yourself and for your business. So why is that? Because as human beings, we want to be accepted. We don't want to be rejected. We want to be a part of the pack. We want to be a part of the group. Because rejection means potentially, you know, inside our primal brain that is just that operates in survival mode all the time. Rejection means potentially death in, you know, ancient times. And while that's not the case, if you will be rejected, it's not going to be a threat. For the most part, we still have this core fear of being rejected, because when we are, it's hard to navigate inside our culture, in our society when you don't feel like you belong. So the need to belong is. Is fundamental. We all need it. We all want to be a part of the group. And unfortunately, we interpret criticism as rejection. While it's not. Criticism is just someone's opinion. Sometimes it may be relevant to you, and sometimes it may not be relevant to you. But when we are afraid of just the concept of criticism, we have to dig deep and look at why that is and what are we really afraid of. So the fear of rejection, the fear of not being good enough. Right. Being inadequate. That is another fear that we have, the fear of not being loved. Right. If we're thinking about it in a deeper way. But the question is, when you are criticized specifically for your English, what we're talking about here, okay, the fear of speech, speaking up and then being criticized for your mistake, for getting stuck, for not being fluent enough for whatever reason, like you can, you can think right now yourself as you're watching this or the replay. Let me know, what are the fear. What are the types of criticism that you're afraid of when it comes to speaking in English? Because when you have that fear, think about it. If you constantly are afraid of being criticized for your grammar mistakes or your pronunciation mistake, how likely are you to feel comfortable speaking when you're constantly judging yourself and filtering what you say so that what comes out is perfect, so that you won't get criticized? How much of that authentic free energy that you have in your first language is expressed in English when you are constantly filtering yourself out? It's almost impossible to have the same freedom that you have when you don't judge, judge yourself and when you don't criticize yourself to when you do, to when you are afraid of someone else's opinions. And here's the bottom line. Criticism, like I said at the beginning, criticism is something that happens when you choose to open your mouth and be vulnerable. Avoiding criticism is only going to prevent you from doing what you need to do to improve and from doing what you need to do to get what you want. So it's not a question of how can I be perfect so that I don't get criticized. The question is, how will I change? Or how am I willing to change what I believe about criticism so that it doesn't bother me and it doesn't stop me from doing what I need to do. You know, we grow up learning to please people, make people happy around us, and we do that because we don't want to get criticized. We want to be loved. We want to be accepted. We don't want to change the status quo. Most people, some people do, but most people, and I'm one of them, right? Like, I love pleasing people. I, you know, I was a very obedient child and student, and I don't like to challenge authority, or at least most of my life, I didn't like to challenge authority. And as a result, you don't dare to do the things that you can do and should do. Imagine what your Life would look like if you spent as much time as you spend pleasing other people, or the thought that goes into pleasing other people and making people happy. If you spent all of that energy and time into pleasing yourself, doing the things that you want to do, what would your life look like if you did that? Instead of always thinking, okay, will they appreciate it if I say this or that, or what would I say to be accepted? And again, don't get me wrong, sometimes it's good to say things that you know will be welcomed in a certain way. Room. Right. Sometimes we need to say the things that would make it easier for us to get by. But sometimes we are so used to saying things that we think people want to hear that we don't even know what we want to say. It's all about this external perception of what people expect of you to say and how they expect of you to be and what they expect you to do. And then that's what drives us sometimes, instead of just listening closely to the voice inside of us telling us what we, we really want to do and what really, we really want to say. And the reason why it's all so interconnected, because what I'm saying now is not about English, but it is about English. Because being afraid of showing up in English because of criticism is ultimately what is preventing you from speaking up more and by that, improving your fluency and flow. Because if you don't speak, you don't improve and actually doing things that will make a change in your life and in the circumstances of your life. So today, what I want to leave you with is first of all, the understanding that criticism is an integral part of speaking up and people will always have opinions. You cannot change that. So are you going to live your life avoiding this confrontation with their opinions, or are you going to live your life knowing that other people's opinions of you are none of your business? Doesn't matter. They, they're entitled to have to having their thoughts. They can even share them. But when you hear that, how do you interpret it? Do you use that as validation of the worst things that you think about yourself? Of what your inner critic says to you? Or do you use that as a reason for you to show them who you really are? So how you interpret criticism really matters here. It doesn't mean that you're not good enough. It does not mean that you're not worthy. It just means that they have an opinion. And it also means that you did something right because you showed up. Causing trouble is not a bad thing. Getting People angry or frustrated with the fact that you got stuck or that you made a mistake is not a bad thing, because it really does show that you're doing what you're meant to do, which is to speak. And only through making mistakes, you are able to learn and improve. Mistakes is the only way to learn. I always say that. Okay, so that is what I want to leave you with. And also think about this idea of pleasing people. And if you. If. And if you are a people pleaser, put yes in the comments. If you feel that you are. If you are a people's pleaser, then how would your life look like if you decided to invest all that energy of pleasing others into pleasing yourself, making sure that you are happy with who you are, what you say, and what you do? Okay, yeah, we have a few people pleasers here. I'm one of them. And I'm always learning. Like, every time I have that emotion of, oh, wait, this does not feel right. This does not feel aligned with how I want to feel what's happening now. And then I ask myself, am I doing this just to make other people happy, or am I doing this because I really want to do it? All right, so this is your point of reflection today. Thank you for being here with me today on this mindset talk. Please keep the conversation in the comments going, and I'm going to wrap it up right now, and I'm going to see you later on today in the live core training teaching you about vowels. Have a beautiful, beautiful day. Oh, and I forgot to say, happy International Women's Day to all the beautiful, internally beautiful, smart, talented, and powerful women inside of this community. Love you all. Take care. Bye.