Hadar Shemesh argues that commenting on someone’s accent—even with seemingly positive remarks like “cute” or “exotic”—can be harmful because it triggers self-doubt, anxiety, and identity struggles for non-native speakers. She gives examples (students living in the US 20+ years), describes common internal reactions (worry about mistakes, lowered confidence), and contrasts that harm with her own journey toward pride and resilience. The video closes with a call-to-action to learn more via her website and subscribe.
Chapters
Hey, it's Hadar. And this is the accent's way. And today we are going to talk about why it is not okay to comment on someone else's accent. So this video is mostly for native speakers who think that saying something like, oh, you have a cute accent, or your accent is so exotic and where are you from? Because you don't sound like you're from here is a way to start a conversation because it's fun and nice and interesting. It's not cute. It's not funny. If you think it's positive, it's because you think it's positive. But you have no idea what's going on in our heads when we hear someone talking about our accent. So here's the real truth behind what's going on in our head. Did I make a mistake? She probably thinks I'm stupid now. Was I that bad? I worked so hard on my accent. Was that my r. What did I say? Thought my English was better by now. Was I not clear? I don't want to talk about where I'm from. Just like you wouldn't talk about someone's weight or skin color or sexual orientation, you shouldn't talk about someone else's accent. You don't know what their journey is. You don't know where that meets them. You don't know what emotions it generates. Why put them in a state where they feel like they have to prove themselves with that simple, silly question? I've had students who have been living in the US for over 20 years, and they still had an accent. Totally legit, right? And people would ask them where they're from. I'm from here, dude. Why are you asking me where I'm from? Because while you don't take it as a big deal and maybe you do think it's something positive, it may not be positive for the other person, especially if this person is going through a lot of struggles with their identity and how they sound and how they feel about how they sound. Because speaking a second language is not something that that is easy on a mental level. You really need to have the right mindset and the confidence to speak up. And when you're being constantly indicated that there is something different about you, it's really hard to break that, even if it wasn't your intention. Okay? So even saying something cute about their accent, about how exotic it is or how funny and sweet it is. And no, you shouldn't change that. I mean, it doesn't matter what you think. It really matters what the other person thinks. When we become self conscious about our English, it affects our entire conversation because then we're less fluent, we're more self conscious, we get stuck a lot more and we make silly mistakes. Of course an accent is a good thing and an accent shows the history of the person and an accent shows that they speak more than one language. And that's pretty incredible. But it doesn't matter because you can't mess with someone else's brain and head and limiting beliefs. So you need to be aware of that now. I'm very lucky because I don't experience that anymore. I have come a long way with how I feel about who I am, my identity as a non native speaker and my English. And I know that even though it's not perfect and it's not, and I still get a lot of comments on how I sound and my mistakes and my accent, I choose not to care about it. I'm super proud of who I am right now. I'm super proud of the fact that I'm not perfect and I'm never going to be perfect. And I'm not even concerned about working on my grammar issues because I know that right now my time should be invested in teaching others and helping them get to where I am right now. To save all the time that I've gone through, right those 10 years, my journey of 10 years, and help people get that in one year. That's what I'm here for. I also remember how I used to be and how I felt and how it would completely ruin my day to hear someone saying something funny about my English. And I see that all of the time with my community and my students around me. So I'm talking for true pain. And I understand that it doesn't sound as if it's a big deal, but it is. So respect that and acknowledge that. And I think it is so much better to empower people around you than to make them feel bad about who they are. Okay, that's it. If you want to learn more with me, come check out my website, theaccentsway.com or click to subscribe and hit the bell so you get all the notifications. Have a beautiful, beautiful, beautiful week and I will see you next week in the next video. Bye.
