Setting yourself up for success | Mindset Talk with Hadar

Hello, hello, hello, everyone. Good morning. Day six of the Clear and Confident pronunciation Challenge. How are you doing? Thank you for being here with me today on this mindset talk. Today we're going to talk about how to set yourself up for success. I love talking about this because sometimes there are things that are so we take for granted or so obvious that we can change easily. Not even a mindset shift. We just need to understand that this is preventing us from succeeding. And as a result, we can change so much about how we work and about our English and about how we even define ourselves. But before that, I just want to share. I saw a comment by Herbert that made me laugh. He said, don't forget to plug your mic in Hadar, because I forgot to do it yesterday. And so there was that. And then I got an email today from a woman named Nami from South Korea, and she wanted to thank me in a video for the email that I sent yesterday. So I think you all got it about me talking about the video that a certain YouTube channel made about my, like a slip of the tongue that I had that was grammatically incorrect. And, and she said, like, I know it's risky to post such a thing and share such a thing, but the fact that you did gave me permission to do it myself as well. And for me, her video was a validation for the reason why I did this. And I'm going to tell you, and I'll tell you how that's connected to the mic. I think that when we're used to looking at social media and like platforms and content creators, a lot of times we see the. This perfect ideal of what they're trying to represent. So for, you know, in terms of content, English content, that's like perfect English. And if it's a lifestyle influencer, it's how they look and how they live and everything's always seems pitch like perfect. You know, they don't have concerns, they don't. Their kids never have tantrums, they don't feel depressed. And then when we see that perfect portrayal of their lives or of their accounts or who they are, it always feels like, oh, we are not good enough. It just validates this imposter syndrome that everyone's perfect except for us because we really know who we are and how things are messed up and we keep making mistakes and we keep messing up and we keep, you know, forgetting to plug our mics and then everyone else has it all so perfect. And I follow business creators and entrepreneurs who make it seem like everything is perfect, including the tech and, you know, all their videos are always precise and no typos and no nothing. But sometimes, when, like in. In life and in business, things get messy. And in English, that's real life. That's how it is. There is no such thing as perfect, except for, like my team member Sergey says, except for nature, right? Nature is perfect. Everything else is not. And when we try to portray something perfect, then we create a false belief that things could be that way. So when for me, and I do that as well, like, I always want to make sure that I have no typos, that I have no mistakes, and the microphone is always plugged in, I always want to make sure that that happens. But when it doesn't, I don't get upset because I feel like it's an opportunity for you guys to see that nothing's perfect, no one's perfect. I mess up. I get like, you know, I don't pay attention to details sometimes, and they make mistakes. And if I'm asking you to be brave and to make mistakes, because that's the only way to learn. If I portray to you an image of someone who speaks perfectly and never makes mistakes, what have I done with it? Because I do every now and then, I, like, I would know how to write it correctly if I had to sit down and write it. But when you speak, sometimes your mouth is, like, not aligned with your brain. And that is okay. That's how second language works. And I want to show you the imperfections in my business, in my English, in me, because that's the human part of, you know, this, of me. And when you see that, then you're like, okay, maybe I don't have to be perfect. Maybe it's okay. And then give yourself permission to speak up, even with mistakes, in a meeting or to make a video that might be criticized by others. I also got another email from this sweet lady from Russia who teaches English from Russia. I mean, I haven't responded to her. So if you're watching this, like, I'm speaking to you, who is so afraid of posting videos on social media because. Because of the criticism. Because we see what happens to people who accidentally mispronounce the sound. And I'm not talking about teaching incorrect English. Like, that's not. That's not what I'm talking about. Of course I'm not going to promote that. But when we constantly see the per. Like this image of perfection, and also we see people being reprimanded or shamed for not being perfect. Right. It doesn't have an impact on you. So I'm going to tie it into setting yourself up for success. Recognize it. Recognize when you see that and either go against it or stop consuming it. Because it's so incredibly important that you remember that this image is just creating more anxiety. And we are drawn to anxiety. We are drawn to this feeling of, oh, here it is. You're not good enough. That this is validating. This is why we consume that content. We are less likely to consume content that makes us feel good. That doesn't validate any bad negative thought that we have because the brain is not searching for that, because that's safety. We are. We're on the alert for what could be dangerous for us, not what could be safe. Right? Think about it. Let's say you have a, an exam or you speak and then you get a lot of great compliments and positive feedback. And then there is one note about something that you did. How would you leave that session? You'd probably only think about that thing that you didn't do, right? And it happens to me till this day. Christina, from my team, she wrote a bunch of things. Like, she sent me a bunch of great emails that we got as a response. And then she said something that someone said about a typo. And I was like, crap, I had a typo. How did I not catch it right? Instead of just like focusing on all the. The great things, but I catch it. I'm like, what are you doing, Hadar? And then I kind of like, you know, practice gratitude for what I have, for the amazing audience that I already have. So pay attention to that because that is stopping you from succeeding, that is holding you back from actually being yourself, which is like your imperfect self, that portrayal or perfection and that how people are ostracized, like, are pushed out of the community or, you know, are considered to be not legit because they make mistakes. Seeing that is going to make you feel always not good enough. And we are not looking for that. So consciously recognize that you're drawn to that and stop consuming that content or having those thoughts that are validating those fears. Tell yourself, nope, this is just a pattern that is designed to keep me safe. But I'm not in danger. If I make mistakes, I'm not going to die. People are not going to reject me, right? And even if people try, who do they think they are trying to reject you for being you? Right? If you get negative feedback, if people say, oh, you know, I have Glenda from, from beyond and New Sound, one of our team members, she's. She's. Also inside this program, once you share that someone once told her that her English should be better by like taking into consideration the, the time that she has spent in, in the, in the U.S. right? Like when you, who do you think you are telling me this? Mind your own business, right? So these are things that I want you to remember and kind of like operate from, from that. Be in control, be, be the, the guard of this, your thoughts and don't let those negative thoughts get in the way, right? When you recognize it, you shift away. Be grateful. Focus on the things that, that do matter. A few more things about setting yourself up for success. Recognize the friction. Recognize the obstacles. What could be obstacles? Obstacles, of course, could be thoughts like limiting beliefs and all of that. So we already talked about it. Obstacles and friction could be also distractions. Let's say you want to practice your English, but you're sitting with your phone on and your WhatsApp and your Instagram and your Facebook notifications and you have 10 browsers open in your. On your computer and you're just scrolling, looking for things, right? How will you stay focused? How will you actually learn something when you have all of these distractions? And sometimes it's just like, this is our life, this is our reality. Our phone is always around. But if you know that it's. Hold it like preventing you from staying focused, then make sure that you are creating the right environment for you to succeed. Which means no distractions. Which means if you need to tell your kids or your spouse or your parents or your friends that you just need like 10 minutes of quiet so you can do your work, do that. Create the best circumstances for yourself to succeed. Make it non negotiable because if you, if you don't, then everyone will get in the way and demand what they deserve. Whether it's your phone or your family or your, you know, so you gotta protect that safe space for you to practice. And because that is going to set you up for success. Because not only that, you signal to other people that it's important, you also signal to yourself. You're like, okay, now I've carved out 15 minutes where everyone knows that I'm not supposed to practice. You're not going to waste it on, you know, scrolling up and down your phone or answering emails. You'll be like, okay, I got to respect it. I got to protect that time and I got to do the work to make it worthwhile. Okay? That's how you set yourself up for success. And also make sure that if you have people around you who don't support you, then you also communicate to them that this is important to you and you tell them how you need them to be. When it comes to your English practice, your English work, your English speaking. If you speak and someone keeps correcting you at home all day out of good, you know, intention, and it bothers you, you got to communicate that and tell them what you need from them, how they should give you feedback. If you have people making fun of you for learning English, telling you, who do you think you are? Why do you need this for? No one's gonna hire you for an English speaking job. You gotta tell them, don't laugh with it. Don't be like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then, you know, try because it's gonna, it's gonna decrease your motivation. And when it, and sometimes it gets hard, when it's gonna get hard, then it's good. You're going to use that as a reason for not doing this work. So make sure you communicate what you need to set boundaries. And if someone is not supportive of you, tell them what you need or do not accept that, or if someone's laughing at you or making fun of you, don't laugh with them. Don't like, be, don't be quiet about it. Just say, this is like, this doesn't work for me. I'm sorry. When you say that and be honest, it makes me feel like I'm not good enough. Where it makes me feel like I wouldn't be able to do it and it's really going, it really goes against what I'm trying to do. This is not helpful. This is not supportive. People will not do that if they care about you. And again, like sometimes people might be. Not see eye to eye your, this work that you do because they don't understand why, why you need it. Because they don't need it. Right? Or maybe they don't want to see you doing it and then like it because it just projects on the fact that they're not doing it. Could be friends, could be like. And I'm speaking from experience of many, many of my students who have experienced that. So just understand that sometimes they don't even know. Like they're not even aware of why they're saying a certain thing or like what gets them to operate from that place. And it's important that you tell them, like be very, very upfront about it. And it's a really good practice also to speak up and to be honest because it's not hard to be honest or to speak up in any language. Right. We want to. We want people to feel good. We want to please people. And going against what they say is the opposite of pleasing people. But it's a good practice to set your boundaries, to say what you think, to share how you feel, especially in the second language. All right. Good. All right, my friends, that's it for today. We went a little over the 10 minutes that we had assigned for this talk. I had a lot to say. Thank you, all of you, for being in this. In this challenge. I hope you signed up for the master class because there is more about mindset over there. So go to hadar shemish.com forward/masterclass to join. It's happening on Tuesday and on Sunday, and also we added on Monday a student success panel. You'll get to hear some of my students share their stories, and they're going to show you how you know they were where you are today and what has helped them and the mindset shifts that they had to make. So I hope to see you there. It's on Monday, so it's after the pronunciation challenge, but it's still going to be inside the group. All right, my loves, take care. Have a beautiful Saturday. Enjoy it with your friends, family, or if you need to work, then enjoy at work. And take care. It's good to see you all.