Alex, an NHS pharmacist, describes how bonsai became his recovery from alcohol dependence and ADHD five years ago. The trees require the same focus and solitude that drinking once gave him, but push him toward reading, walking, and people instead of away from them. He argues contentment comes from accepting where you are, not escaping it.
Chapters
I used to bring you sunshine, now all I ever do is bring you down. Are you ready, Al? Oh, have you already started? I'm Alex. I'm a pharmacist in a mental health trust in the NHS. I live here with my beautiful wife, 2 stepkids, and my son, and, uh, these are my other babies. This is Itoigawa juniper. That's a Hinoki cypress, Taxus baccata, or yew tree. This is called Yamamomiji. It's the classic iconic one. I mean, the attention to detail on it is amazing. The twists and turns in the trunk, the shari is lovely. This is like a privilege to be able to look after something of this quality. In my garden, there's everything from raw material I like to finish bonsai. I like a bit of everything. This is one that I collected from a psychiatric institution where I work, St. Clement's Asylum. There's a literal definition which is tree in pot, or so I'm led to believe. I don't speak Japanese. There's also an artistic definition which is trying to make something highly manipulated by man that doesn't appear to even be touched by a human hand. You want that wow factor. You've got to have something that actually moves something within you. It is a way of life for most people because we look after these trees like our children. There are trees in collections in Japan that have been in a pot for 1,000 years, allegedly. Bonsai for me is therapy. About 5 years ago, I'd say I was in a very dark place. I had a major problem with alcohol, so I had to fill my life with something else. I've got a mental health condition called ADHD where basically my brain just never turns off. So, you know, you just delve deeper into your own mind, your negative thoughts and all that shit. When drinking gets out of control, you do it by yourself. You know, it wasn't even a social thing anymore. It was just to shut my brain off. I suffer from imposter syndrome massively everywhere in my life. I shouldn't be looking after trees that are this good. If I rationalize it, but then who should? Numbing yourself to the real world, which is what I used to use alcohol for—that's like a malevolent addiction. Whereas my addiction to bonsai makes me read more, go out on walks, talk to people more. I mean, these are all positive things. I would say I'm probably the only pharmacist I know of that walks around sections patients who think that. I'm mad. Too much love will kill you, just as sure as not at all. Oh, happiness is being comfortable with what you have. If you're comfortable and satisfied by what you have in life, you are happy in any given situation. Happiness is just being comfortable with the status quo. That's why I used to drink, because I wasn't happy with what was Happening right here, right now. And you can escape into bonsai, or you can escape into drink or drugs.
