The art of saying no and avoiding overwhelm

How do you decide when to stop taking things on? When is enough enough and you've reached your max? Don't want to be a slacker and not push hard enough. But sometimes I feel overwhelmed. I want to be as objective as possible about this and I don't really have enough information to get any content here. There's no content like taking things on. Like what things on? Like, are they family, are they work things? Are they volunteer things? Are they hobby things? Are they, what are these things I've taken on? Okay, and again, I want to answer in general, but when I do this for everyone, I normally look at the question, right? And so listen to the question. How do you decide when to stop taking things on? What does that sound like? When is enough enough? What does that sound like? When you've reached your max? What does that sound like? Don't want to be a slacker, not push hard enough, feel overwhelmed. What does all of this sound like? We don't have enough details to deal with the content and so what do we have to deal with? We have to deal with the context, the way we're looking at things and generally all these things. Stop taking things on. Enough, enough, reach, max, overwhelm. They're all scarcity. They're all scarcity and lack based. Okay. And just a notice, and this is not good or bad or right or wrong. It's just a notice of a way, a process of thinking, a pattern of thinking regardless of who or what it is. So. So it's certainly not the achieving mode. It's certainly not the driving mode. It's the protection mode. Isn't it fear based? Now, there's a big difference here and everyone and overwhelm is a big thing today because we are all, many of us feel overwhelmed. I mean, I don't feel as overwhelmed. When I do, I watch it and I get to the bottom of it with all the information that's going on today and all of the Internet and the social media and stuff to do. And it's easy to feel overwhelmed, isn't it? So here's the big thing. There is a big distinction, a big separation between having a lot to do or a lot coming in and feeling overwhelmed. The difference between, let's say a lot coming in, input or a lot to do and overwhelm. That's critical. That is a big distinction. They're not the same. They're not meshed with each other. How do you know? Because someone could have the same to do list, for example, or the same amount coming in social Media, same amount coming in at them. And one person is like, oh, my God, how am I going to finish this? I'm also stressed out, not sure. And the other person is just knocking them off, just doing them, just getting it done with no negativity around it, you know, so the same. It's the same to do list. Same. Same stuff going in on someone could have news coming in at them 24 7. And I'm going, oh, my God. And they're going, okay, so that's happening. They're like, immune to it. I have a friend, Barry, I have to say this one, he's down the street from me in Maui. His job or his business is commenting on the news. I am telling you, he is completely immune to anything bad. You know, they talk about Trump or they talk about terrorists. He just. And then he finishes talking, he finishes his talk, his comment, and he's, you know how to drink. Laughing. It's completely immune to it. Me, I'm like death worms over. I'm overly. I'm more of a empath. I'm more. More. I'm affected by it more. He's not affected at all. Same thing with work. Same thing with people telling you stuff. Same thing with someone says something mean to you. Some people are totally affected somewhere. Eh, whatever. That's their bullshit, right? So the distinction between having a lot to do, for example, as one example, and overwhelm are completely different things. So you can deal with having a lot to do. But for example, as just an example. But that's just content. And the problem is we're habitual. And so regardless of the content, we will be the same way we always are. Okay? And so we will take that on no matter where we go and what we do. And so you say, you know what? I don't want to do the work stuff, you know, well, then we do the hobby stuff and we start feeling the same way. And we also. This is interesting that I tend to do this. We tend to when we feel overwhelmed. First of all, let's discuss what overwhelm is. Overwhelm is the experience of fear. It's the experience of fear. What is the fear? Scarcity. Of what? Time. Lack of what? Time. Not enough. What? Of time. Right. That's the fear. Fear. Not enough. I won't get this done. I won't finish. I won't be able to do the other things because I'm doing too much of this thing. Fear, Fear, fear. Fear. Lack, Lack, Lack. Scarcity. Scarcity. Scarcity. All right? It doesn't feel Good. That's why overwhelm doesn't feel good. It feels pressure. It feels stress. Why? That's all fear. All anxiety, all fear. It's the same stuff. So you can say, well, the answer is, cut down the to do list. Try that from experience. Because our way of thinking is our way of thinking. So what's the answer? Learn to manage the mind, the mind that's bringing up those fears. Remember, some people just poop. Boop. Whistling. And doing it happy is a plan. Doing it. So not to say that this person, whoever is, isn't happy doing it, but when the overwhelm comes, you're not happy. Okay? You're not content. You're out of the present. The mind isn't activated in the present moment. So, number one, to alleviate overwhelm, all you have to do is breathe and come back to, what am I doing right now versus what am I thinking right now? What I'm thinking right now is problem, problem, problem, problem, problem, overwhelmed, over that brings up overwhelmed, pressure, stresses in versus what am I doing right now? And then just simply get back to doing what one is doing, bringing the attention back to the present moment. The only way to alleviate overwhelm is bringing the mind back to the present, as overwhelm is based in fear. And that's out of the present. Does everyone understand? And it's all. All these thought patterns. I can't, I shouldn't, no time. Blah, blah, blah, blah. So you got to bring yourself back to the present now. Next. Where's one of the things that I've noticed for myself? We tend to blame the problem on the content too much. Remember? Right. This person said, stop taking things on as if, like, as if they're a victim. Right? When is enough enough Reached your max, Right? You feel it. So we tend to blame the problem on the part of the to do list that we don't particularly want. Right? That's the problem. So do you ever notice when the things that you're doing are. You love doing them and you're really into doing them, you never feel overwhelmed, right? You never feel. So this is what happens. Listen to this. This is my thing. So I'm in Maui right now. I came about a week and a half ago. I came to write. This is interesting. And when I'm in Maui, normally what I do. Normally what I do is I do all kinds of things and I don't normally write. So I work out and I take up my walk and I go for like a breakfast, lunch type of thing. Okay. And then I Take care of some errands and then I trip around, I go to the beach and then I do my other workout in the morning. I do yoga in the afternoon. Like I'll do a weight workout and do another walk in a different place and then we'll go for dinner and then, you know, I'll come back, we watch a movie. So I like that. That's my normal thing. That's what I like in Maui. It's great. It's a great lifestyle. Fantastic. Okay, semi retardant. And then I come here and I'm supposed to be writing like 24 7. And that was the interesting thing. So for the first two days I was here, it felt really strange. I was like, I don't like doing this writing. And you know what, I not only woke up like literally seven in the morning, I did a little workout. Then I came back like nine or ten o' clock. And then I was writing all the way through till 6 o'. Clock. And then most of the times I missed my workout. I'd have a bit of dinner and then I write until 11 or 12 o' clock at night, wake up 7 in the morning. After a few days I'm going, I don't like this. And what did I do? I blamed the writing. I don't like writing. Why did I take this on? You know, too much. Why did I take this project on? I don't need to do this. I could do other things. Like what? It could be golfing. It could be. I haven't even golfed yet. I haven't gone to the range yet, brother. I'm not even doing my workout, Charlie. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I feel like. And then I felt like, I felt like overwhelmed with writing and yet I came to write the minute. After two days I saw myself doing this to myself, going, harb, you're doing this to yourself. Why are you doing this? I said, okay, here's what we're going to do. We're going to adjust the time schedule a little bit. And when you come to write, it's not going to be 24, 7. You come to write, you're going to write. So here's what we're doing. We're going to start writing at 12 o' clock and we're going to write full on until 5 o' clock and 5 o' clock to 7 o'. Clock. We're going to go work out, do the walk, eat from 7 to 7:30 and then 7:30, ish. Okay. We're going to work until I want to get up early. So until 10 or 11, that's it. I started doing that. And as soon as I did that, it wasn't that I did less writing, gave myself a little space, right? But all of a sudden I wasn't resentful about the writing. I mean, that's what I committed to doing. That's my commitment. That's when I have integrity. That's what I decided to do. Okay? And so it's not about the writing, it's about my reaction to the writing. And do you not think that sometimes when I was having a little trouble writing, my mind didn't pipe up and go, oh my God, Like, I don't know, why am I doing this? You know, Michelle's coming and we're going to be playing the golf. I should go to the range, you know, And Barry invited me to go golfing. This is the best course on planet Earth right here. I'm not even golfing. It's ridiculous. Go down and golf. And I would catch myself and go, there you go. You blame the stuff you don't really want to do and you. Oh, and the other stuff is golden, you know, I want more time for golfing and for this and for working out and for that. That's all good, right? That's all good. But the other stuff, no, now that's why I'm in over with. No, it doesn't work like that because it's not about the it. It is never about the content. As Sherry My sensory says, it's never about the what. It's always about how you do the what's and how you perceive the what's. Because those make the what's what they are. You understand this. Remember, reality is personal. Overwhelm is simply a case of being out of the present moment. You get back in the present moment, you focus on what you're doing. You don't think, I don't have time for this. I do have time for that. This is too much. This is too little. The pressure, the stress. Should have been done, could have been done, won't be done. That's all bullshit that one is bringing to the game. Don't bring the. And you don't have any problem. Understand? And I mean, it's just the mind Frick. Just the thing. What's wrong, what could go wrong, should have, could have all that stuff. That's all, all, all mind frick. Let go of that. Come back to the present moment. And you know what? You won't feel afraid and you won't feel overwhelmed. And you won't feel frustrated, and you won't feel pressured, and you won't feel stressed, and you won't feel anxiety. All that is what one brings to the table. You bring that, nothing else brings. It. It is. It. It is neutral till you get there. And this goes for everything. All of our stress, all of our anxiety, all of our subtle little anxiety that we have, it's all fear. Where is it coming from? Lack, not enough, et cetera, et cetera. All fear. The answer. Only one answer. Come back. Put your attention on what you're doing right now. And that's all. So we're gonna finish this off with three phrase. It's two words. It's on a T shirt. At our enlightened warrior training. Some of you know it. Okay? You want to feel much better. You want to get rid of frustration, overwhelm, stress, anxiety. You want to get rid of all that. Here it is. Ready? Here's the words you're going to write down three times. Don't think, don't think, don't think. The more you think, the worse you're going to feel. Just get present. Focus on what you're doing right, right now. Without the commentary. The mind fre. The problem is the commentary. The problem is not the what. It's the commentary. And if someone gets that, you will have grown by leaps and bounds. You'll become enlightened, Sam.