According to the speaker, what percentage of what someone says is actually about them and not you?

Fleet MaullThe Entrepreneur’s Zen Master

Mindful relationships with Jack Kornfield and Trudy Goodman

12 Feb 2023 · 1 min

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This is a short transcript excerpt from a YouTube video ("Mindful relationships with Jack Kornfield and Trudy Goodman") uploaded by Fleet Maull (Feb 12, 2023). The speaker describes how mindfulness in relationships increases presence, improves listening, reduces taking things personally, and helps normalize human emotions (anger, disappointment, sadness, joy). The speaker cites Zen priest Yvonne Rand: "98% of what someone is saying to you is actually about them and not you."

Questions this video answers

98%

Chapters

When we're mindful we can be aware of what we're feeling and we can be aware of our intention. Being mindful in relationship allows us to be more present when we're actually together to listen better, to not take things so personally. That was a huge thing for me. And today I can honestly say don't hold grudges. But that took a lot of work. So I think the practice also helps us normalize. This is what it's like to be a human being who's angry, who's disappointed in this moment or sad or joyful. But I feel it helps normalize what's happening that I don't have to take it personally that I'm inadequate in a relationship or don't know how to do it right. As my friend Yvonne Rand, a Zen priest, used to say, keep in mind that 98% of what someone is saying to you is actually about them and not you. That was very helpful to me.