Are you loving yourself the way you need to?

Hello and welcome to today. We're going to be looking at are you loving yourself the way you need to? So welcome everybody. Welcome to everyone on the Rootmaster page, everyone in the Fearlessly Moving Forwards group, and everyone that has subscribed to my YouTube channel. And if you haven't subscribed. yet, just click down below so that you'll be notified every time there is a new video added. So welcome, welcome, it's so nice to have you here today. Okay, we go live every Tuesday to do a Lunch and Learn to give you some information to help you And I hope that you enjoy the content. I love to hear back from you. I love to get your comments. I'm using StreamYard, so if you are on Facebook, please do comment and allow StreamYard to know your name, or just put your name in the comments so I know who I'm talking to. If you've got any questions, please do ask. I'll do my best to answer them, and I love it to be interactive. Love your hearts. Love your thumbs up. It's really, um, very wonderful that you've joined me. And if you're watching the replay because you're not in the UK and it's a different time in the world for you, just put hashtag replay and then I know that you've watched it. And if you've got any ideas of what you'd like to learn during this Lunch and Learn time every Tuesday, just message me because I'm here To help you. So the mini masterclass today is going to look at the various ways we can nurture and love all aspects of ourselves— our physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual self— to connect with the happiness within us. And all of us want to be happy, yet we sometimes find ourselves feeling hopeless, grumpy, dissatisfied, or depressed. And we may live in discontent or be absolutely fine until something challenging happens and we're triggered once again. But I want you to know this: happiness is our birthright, our true nature, always available. Babies may cry, but it's not because they're unhappy. They've either got a dirty nappy, they've got a bit wind, or they're tired or hungry, because happiness is our birthright. So if happiness is obscured, it makes sense to wonder why, to ask, how have we turned away from what is so fundamentally true? So a paradigm shift is a revolution. A complete radical change in how one views reality. And with a paradigm shift, old assumptions and old beliefs are seen to be false and no longer applicable, and a completely new, fresh way of being takes their place. So let's have a look at shift Number 1, from being unconscious to being conscious. So in order to be completely free, just notice all the ways that you may be bringing some form of suffering to yourself. Observe the useless mental chatter in your mind as you go about your daily tasks. You know, do you say to yourself, oh, you silly idiot, or you're such a fool? That is the useless mental chatter. You've got to think, you know, would I say that out loud to my best friend? You wouldn't. So be your own best friend and just observe what that mental chatter is saying in your mind and become aware of the tension in certain muscles that never seem to dissolve. Just become aware in your body, you know, where is it? Is it in your neck? Is it in your shoulders? Is there a tightness here? Just notice. Notice any subtle heaviness that may be saying, oh, I need to deal with another day, or a feeling that you have to push yourself to get out of bed. And think about if that feeling has been present for a very long time. You know, is life a drudge, in other words? Now, much of our behavior happens automatically. Outside of our conscious awareness because we inhabit familiar patterns that are based on assumptions we have about the world, patterns that continue until we become aware of our behavior and question the truth of those underlying assumptions. For example, are you waking up every morning unconsciously dreading the day and assuming it's going to be difficult? Um, and couples can often repeat the same argument over and over even though they vow not to. And someone trying to eat a healthier diet is defeated by unexamined habits of food choices and eating patterns. Or you might find yourself feeling angry or afraid on a regular basis without knowing why. And these conditioned tendencies run deep. So there is nothing inherently wrong with not being aware. Nobody's saying there's a right or wrong here. But if what we want is greater happiness in our lives, conscious awareness is the key, the first essential step toward freedom from automatic behavior patterns That we just keep doing because we're not aware, and we need to look at what is actually happening in our experience when we are triggered so we know what we're dealing with— the thoughts, the mental stories, the sensations in our bodies, the emotions, and the reactions of those around us. We can then ask Is this what I really want? We recognize that bringing awareness to the experience of our lives opens up the possibility for change. When we see a familiar pattern beginning to take shape, we can choose not to perpetuate it. We become flexible and open to respond in a life-affirming way. So seeing any morning resistance to the day can spark a momentous change. And when we start to become more conscious, we might not always like what we see, but what quickly becomes apparent is the opportunity to live a life that is no longer ruled by unconscious motives and habits that seem out of our control. We become totally alive to our experience as it's actually happening No longer resisting. Happiness has a welcoming space then to bloom. Now we're moving to shift number 2, and shift number 2 is from looking outward to looking inward. And for most of us, the usual way to solve problems is to try and fix something about the situation or other people. And this is called the if only life. If only my kids would help more around the house. If only it rained less. If only my boss would acknowledge the good work I do. You get the picture. We look outside ourselves to change a situation that causes us trouble, and sometimes this works, but often we hit the wall of realizing the limited amount of control we actually have. People do what they do. Situations occur unbidden. We've got no control over the weather today. Here in the UK, it's been drizzling. We've got no control. We've only got control over how we deal with it. The only real way to deflate the areas of unhappiness in our lives is the last one we think of: looking inward. to examine our own reactions. Seriously, consider this for a second. Say that your kids always leave their dirty clothes in a pile on the floor. I've been there, I've got 3 of them, they all— they're all married now. And that each time you saw them, you felt irritated and began a monologue in your head loaded with negative thoughts about them. You tried talking to them about it, ignoring the clothes, picking them up, but nothing changed your internal reaction. Now imagine this: if you did not react by feeling frustrated and running a litany of critical thoughts in your mind, it wouldn't matter what they do with their clothes. They could do whatever they wanted, and you would remain clear and non-reactive. The key is not to try and change something you have no control over. For example, someone else's behaviour. But to examine your own reactions, to understand the nature of being triggered— what exactly is triggering you? What does the trigger consist of? Thoughts, emotions, physical sensations, urges? What do you really need? This investigation, done in a kind and friendly way, brings a tremendous amount of compassion and understanding to yourself right where you need it. And as these reactions are investigated repeatedly, they tend to lose their power and melt away, and freedom begins to take hold. Admittedly, what I am suggesting may seem difficult or feel unfamiliar. It takes courage to honestly look at ourselves, to see how we are making ourselves unhappy by our reactions. It's a move from insanity to sanity, from relying on the external world to make us happy to discovering that we can be happy no matter what happens right here, right now. And when our reactions subside, anything can occur and happiness remains undisturbed. So we've looked at shift number 1. We've looked at shift number 2. Let's look now at shift number 3: from living in the future or the past to being present right here, right now. And there's a lot of talk these days, isn't there, about being present? But what does it actually mean to be present? The truth is that it is impossible not to be present. When we think about or relive the past, we are not actually in the past. We are experiencing it in our minds in the here and now. And when we project into the future about what may or may not happen, we are not actually in the future. When the future comes, we are experiencing it in the present. In actuality, we are always in the present. It just doesn't seem that we are because our minds are so actively involved in thinking about the past or the future. And Where can happiness be found? Yes, in this present moment. So say you're looking at a photograph of an enjoyable time during your recent holiday. You're being reminded of an event that already happened, but the holding of the photograph, the looking at it, the warm glow of happiness you feel, even the playing out of the memory in your mind, are all happening in the present. And when you begin to take an honest look at your thoughts about the past and the future, you will see that most of them are based on fear or lack, not on happiness. We worry, analyze, doubt ourselves, criticize, and obsessively plan. We think about what we need that we don't have and how a situation other than what is happening would be so much better. And we run these thoughts in our minds over and over with very little useful function. Does any of this sound familiar to you? Put a yes in the comments, it does sound familiar, if it is resonating with you. Because when the mind becomes quiet, even if just for a moment, a deep pervasive sense of peace is apparent. Joy may bubble up for no reason. We feel happy and connected. The experience of being present is always available to us. It's a sense of coming home to a place we never actually left. It may be veiled by the active thinking mind, but when we refrain from feeding thoughts with our attention, we see that reality is always here. Completely reliable, never disturbed. Life is so incredibly rich. There are sounds, sensations in the body, emotions, sights, great intimacy with all things. And when we allow solutions to appear from this peaceful space rather than figuring them out in the mind Clarity emerges. And moving from the past and future of the mind to the present is the beginning of being truly alive. So we've looked at shift number 1, shift number 2, shift number 4— here, shift number 3, sorry. Here is the final one, it's shift number 4, and that is from criticism and judgment to appreciation and gratitude. You may note that thoughts are often critical and filled with judgment, not just of people around you but of yourself as well. You may discover negativity, disconnection, and feelings of shame, and this may motivate you to make a change, a significant change, and this will result in becoming more open and available to people and the world around you. It will become a joy for you to frequently verbalize your appreciation and to openly express love and care for people. And eventually, with the tool of forgiveness, person by person, situation by situation, you can forgive yourself and others. Not to condone or dismiss anyone's actions, but to free yourself from being a victim of stories that perpetuated hurt and blame. So the only person when you do that you're hurting is yourself. So to heal yourself, you can get some freebies on my website. There is Forgiving Your Ex meditation, there is a workbook if you're feeling lonely, there's a podcast that you can listen to with affirmations on it of I am enough. Because I've worked with so many people over the nearly 30 years of teaching meditation and working with clients that always say, oh, I'm not clever enough, I'm not young enough, I'm not pretty enough, I'm not thin enough— whatever it is, it's always something not enough. But you know what? Like I've told you, you were born with the birthright of happiness. You were born enough. You truly are. So I hope that you like those freebies on my website, and I hope that you have gained something from listening to this mini lunch and learn today. You can go to my website, which is there, www.therootmaster.com. And if there's anything private and confidential and you would like to message me on Facebook, you can, or email me at heather at heatherprince.co.uk. Sending you so much love, and thank you for listening, and I look forward to seeing you next time. Take care, everyone.