Attracting Unavailable Partners: Breaking the Cycle After Divorce

A woman I worked with, and I'm gonna call her Sarah for confidentiality, came to me after her second divorce. She was successful, independent, raising 2 teenagers, and yet she was exhausted from constantly attracting emotionally unavailable partners. Underneath her polished surface, there was a deep ache for the safety and steadiness she never received from her dad. He wasn't violent, he wasn't absent, but he was cold, critical, emotionally shut down, and praise was rare. Affection was almost non-existent. So she learned to be self-sufficient, never needy, always proving her worth, and in love, she unknowingly picked men who mirrored that emotional distance. Her relationships felt like a cycle of overgiving, never feeling quite enough, and being left feeling unseen.