In this 30‑minute "Lunch and Learn" session, Heather Prince guides viewers through a step‑by‑step process for inviting a romantic partner to be vulnerable. She frames vulnerability as a two‑part journey that begins with the individual’s own inner‑child work. Drawing on Freud’s idea of being a good parent to oneself, she explains how to locate, accept, and care for the "vulnerable child mode" through visualization, meditation, and therapeutic tools such as Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) and Akashic Record clearing. A live guided visualization demonstrates how present‑day negative emotions can be traced back to forgotten childhood memories, illustrated with a case study of a client named "Molly" whose bullying and a childhood accident resurfaced in adult work stress. Prince then shifts to relational dynamics, citing Brené Brown’s definition of vulnerability (uncertainty, risk, emotional exposure) and Gary Chapman’s Five Love Languages, arguing that true invitation respects a partner’s freedom of choice. Practical exercises include writing love letters or journal entries to articulate feelings without pressure, and identifying both partners’ love‑language needs. Throughout, she emphasizes self‑compassion, the importance of meeting one’s own needs before seeking intimacy, and offers resources (meditations, workbooks, podcasts) on her website and social platforms. The session ends with a call‑to‑action for comments, likes, and future sessions.
Chapters
Hello, Heather Prince here for Lunch and Learn. I am live on the Rootmaster Facebook page, on the Fearlessly Moving Forwards Facebook group, and on YouTube. So if you're watching this on YouTube, do click the bell, do click subscribe, and leave me a comment. Um, for those of you on Facebook, you have to give StreamYard your permission to give your name if you comment. And I do love your comments, so please do say hello, tell me what your name is, um, and where you are in the world, because it's really lovely to connect with my audience. And today I'm going to be sharing with you Um, how— the question that you would ask yourself, how can I invite a partner to be vulnerable? Now, some of the people that follow me are solo, and they're looking perhaps in the future to connect with someone. So this is great for you to understand how to be vulnerable. And for those of you that follow me that are already in a relationship, and it's it's not as fulfilling as you would wish it to be, then this is great for you as well. So it's all about inviting a partner to be vulnerable, for you to be vulnerable, and how that connects with the inner child. So I'm sharing, I'm sharing my screen, um, so that you can see clearly. How could I invite a partner to be vulnerable? And it's a great question because I get asked this a lot by people, and the answer is that it all starts with you. And you might be thinking, really? Um, but it was good old Sigmund Freud, um, who said that the most important goal of therapy was to learn to be a good mother and a good father to yourself. And I think that 2 issues are particularly important for this. First, you have to get in touch with your vulnerable child, what I call the vulnerable child mode. And second, you must learn to take good care of it so that you're, you're mom and dad, you're parenting this inner child that is within you. So getting in touch with your, your inner child or, or vulnerable child mode may not be that easy for you because many people have difficulties remembering their childhood they find it distressing to deal with childhood memories. And many people even reject their child mode, even up to the point of actually hating it because of the negative feelings that come with it. Now unfortunately, this attitude doesn't do anything to decrease your problematic Emotions. Now the second step is learning to take good care of this inner child. And this picture here that somebody's drawn shows that you're you, but inside you is still that inner child, all those experiences, all of that. stuff that we had growing up in our childhood. And as I've mentioned, for most people, it's quite a challenge or something that they're not particularly aware of. An important precondition for good care is that you accept your inner child, even though it might be difficult at times. The aim is to find out what the real needs of your inner child are. And as time goes by, you get better at understanding what this inner child is telling you. And there are different ways of getting in touch with your inner child. And one of the best ways is what I call the visualization. Um, I've been a meditation teacher now for over 30 years, and using visualization is very powerful. It's an exercise where you can connect to your feelings with images or ideas and use your imagination. And now, our feelings and memories are closely linked to each other, So feelings and memories, they are linked to each other. And when you suffer from inner child feelings such as sadness or loneliness, an inner journey into the past with visualization helps you to understand where those feelings came from. So Let's take this moment. If you're sitting, just make yourself feel comfortable, make your back straight, shoulders down, and we'll do just a mini visualization so that you can just listen and get the gist of, of what I'm aiming to explain to you. And if you're able, just for a moment, just to close your eyes where you are. And just relax by taking in a deep breath up through your nose and out through your mouth. And just as you're breathing in through your nose all the way down to your belly button, and then breathing out your mouth like you're blowing out the candles on a birthday cake, just feel how your breath flows in and flows out, flows in and flows out. And just allow— give yourself permission to let your mind wander to a recent situation when you had negative feelings which were possibly linked to your inner child. And just relive that situation and just feel the emotions as intensely as possible. And when you can feel the related emotions, just erase the current situation from your inner screen in your mind and let your mind wander into your past and just wait to see if any images or memories turn up. And sense the feelings of the child you were when you experienced these memories. And are these feelings somehow related to the emotions that you're actually reliving today as an adult? Now let's take a deep breath in. And breathe out and let it go. Let it go. If nothing happened, don't feel downhearted, because if this is new to you, it can take practice. And it's always good to work with someone, um, like myself who understands how to support you doing this kind of work. Now let's just give you an example. Um, let's have a look at Molly. It's not her real name. Um, she works, let's say, for the NHS, and she's got a very strong vulnerable child mode. Now it originates from her experience of being bullied at school, and in her job Her inner child is triggered when she has conflicts with her colleagues. And let's say that, you know, one day she had to cover for someone who wasn't well, and in the afternoon she then feels exhausted, rejected, lonely, and desperate. And she sits down and she just closes her eyes And she really accepts and senses all of those emotions. And then she lets her mind wander back to her childhood, and after a few seconds, a mental image pops up, a memory that she'd actually forgotten all about. It was so long ago, but she remembers that she went out on a trip from school. And she was too shy to put up her hand and say that she needed the toilet, and she actually had an accident and wet herself. And the adults around, the helpers, the teachers, had to get a gym kit, put that on her, and she had to go home with her wet clothes in a carrier bag. And Because of that, the other kids laughed at her, and they made fun of her, and they taunted her. And when she got home, her mother was really cross that she'd actually ruined her school uniform that day and that she'd caused trouble. Now, her feelings in the present time were very similar to those that she felt then. And that is because what happened in her childhood, what she experienced in her adult situation, triggered it, and all of those emotions come back up again. So maybe you're afraid to get in touch with your inner child. Um, through the path of reliving a distressing situation. Um, I don't hypnotize people. I don't, uh, work with my clients for them to get into a distressed state of reliving the past. We just do a visualization lightly to look at what emotions are there, and then The emotions can be cleared in your Akashic Records. Um, we can also, if it's very, very, um, um, causing anxiety or even panic attacks, we can even do some Emotional Freedom Technique, which is tapping the meridian points. So there's all different ways that I can bespoke to help each individual client. with any issues regarding this. Um, and in the Fearlessly Moving Forward method that is available on my website, um, I have got a video about what is the inner child and also a meditation to help heal the inner child. Um, so the past affects the present, um, and therefore it does affect our relationships. Um, and, and what I wanted to talk about today when I started this was about being vulnerable. Um, because to be vulnerable with someone can be a huge challenge. And a great exercise, um, that I share with my clients is to write a letter to a loved one. And, um, you can, you can use, um, Whoops, I've just moved it in the wrong place. I do apologize. Um, you can use questions like, um, writing how you've been changed by knowing this person, um, and, and how— and writing down how you feel that you enhance this person's life. So writing a letter or writing a journal is a great way of of getting your feelings out onto paper rather than what we call suppressing them like a pressure cooker for them to go whoosh at a later date. So writing things down is so good for you. Um, questions around inviting vulnerability, um, come up with the work that I've been doing over the last um, 30 years as a meditation teacher, and I run workshops and I've run retreats in all different places around the world. Um, and we've— we always talk about vulnerability because a common dynamic I see in, in relationships is there's always one person who openly shares their feelings. You know, they're what we call an open book. Um, they share, you know, the good stuff and the not so good stuff, and then they sit there and complain that the other person doesn't share in the same way. And they might actually, you know, voice it to them and say, why won't you talk to me? Um, you should be able to tell me anything. Um, and then they question, well, don't you trust me? Um, because for them, emotion speak is the expression of intimacy, um, and the other person's silence they look at as avoidance and distance. And it clashes with their belief that we shouldn't have to experience rejection in intimate relationships. And they say, I tell you everything and you share nothing with me. Does that ring a bell with any of you? Please do comment if it does. Now, much as it hurts, we are not entitled to unrestricted access into the private thoughts of our loved ones. So while we can invite someone to be vulnerable with us We can't force it. And while we can ask for an invitation into our partner's inner life, you know, we can say, what, what's on your mind? We can't demand admittance. And to me, the concept of inviting vulnerability tends to focus too much on the vulnerable side of it and not enough on that they have to have an invite. Um, because this is the word that gives us a practical path to the thing that we most want, and that's intimacy. But it also carries the most risk, because when we do extend an invite to someone, we also have to acknowledge the power That comes with their freedom of choice. Each person has got freedom of choice, and when we ask, will you join me, they can say yes, they can say no, or maybe not right now, maybe another time. But how they respond has a lot to do with how we invite them. Now, I'm a huge fan of Brené Brown. I don't know if any of you have read any of her books. Um, Brené Brown defines vulnerability as uncertainty. Let's, let's click. I've clicked something and I don't want it. Um, She defines vulnerability as uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure. So it's an unstable feeling we get when we step out of our comfort zone Or do something that forces us to loosen control. Now, building on Brené Brown's apt definition, I'd like to add that if we want someone to be vulnerable with us, we have to accept that it's not mandate. It's a possible outcome that grows out of closeness And trust, and there is more than one way to develop that. The nice things that our partner does for us, those attentive little gestures, the sharing of projects in a spirit of collaboration, these are all vulnerable acts. a smile, a little wink, um, especially when, you know, you can't always speak it out. Um, there's a reason why 30 years on, author Gary Chapman, who wrote The 5 Love Languages, endures as a relational Rosetta Stone for determining How we prefer to give and receive. And I share more in the Fearlessly Moving Forwards method about those 5 needs and how to identify your needs and how to identify your partner's needs. Because when those needs are met, you don't need to go elsewhere. People say, no, why did he have an affair? Or why did she have an affair? And, and, you know, they, they blame themselves, but that person's needs weren't being met. And when we understand our needs and we understand our partner's needs, we can then meet them. So if you're in a relationship, write your love letter and give it to them. And invite them to read it and let go of the expectation that they're going to write you one back. Let go of any expectation at all and ask yourself, what can happen when we allow someone to experience our love how they choose? without the pressure of identical reciprocation? And the answer may surprise you. Now, if you're watching this and you're not in a relationship yet, the important thing is to focus on you. What do you need to focus on that would change The results of your future relationship when you look back over your past relationships and the vulnerability and the inner child that played out. So if you wish to discuss this further, you can contact me on my email, Heather heatherprince.co.uk. Um, if you want to see what I have on my website, there are some freebies. That's www.therootmaster.com, and those freebies are a forgiving your ex meditation, if that is relevant to you, a feeling lonely workbook And a podcast of affirmations of I am enough, because I've spoken to so many people who have a belief that's running on their hard drive like a computer of I am not enough. So I hope that you have Enjoyed watching this. If you have, please click like, please click share, um, to anyone you feel that would benefit from the message in this Lunch and Learn today. I will be back next Tuesday at 12:30 UK time with another Lunch and Learn. And I look forward to hearing from you. Take care, everyone, and have a great week. Bye-bye. Bye.
