SELF-CARE TIPS

Hi and welcome to today's Lunch and Learn. It's 12:30 PM here in the UK. To all of you watching the replay, if you can just comment hashtag replay, it's lovely to know that you have joined us from USA, Canada, Australia, and anywhere else where you might be watching this. For those of you who haven't met me before, my name is Heather Prince, and I created this Facebook group, Fearlessly Moving Forwards, for you solo ladies. Now I'd like to give a shout out because I've said that I would to those that comment and click like and send me a heart. It's So much appreciated. So a huge shout out to Jen Riley, and thank you for answering my question of what is it that you'd like me to focus on in these Lunch and Learns every Tuesday. And Jen, you've said patience. That is a huge one with me because I know that part of my life lesson is to learn patience. And when we want everything yesterday, it's a big thing to learn. So yes, we will be covering that in the future. Big shout out to you. You answered that question that you wanted to learn about self-love. That is a module in the Fearlessly Moving Forwards method, but if you want it on its own, it is available. And you also mentioned self-worth. That is a completely separate online program that I can offer you as well, and that's all on my website. Big shout out to Juliet Strickland. Thank you for your comments and your likes and your hearts. Ava Pay, Sharon Claire Sudaby, Marilyn Ann Fredsburg, Sariah— I hope I've said your name right— Sariah, um, Andy DeRitana. Kirsty Shapiro, Sonia Gand. I hope I've said your your name right. I do apologize if I've mispronounced anybody's name. Natalie Manning, Jackie Cow, all of you, Jen Lillian. Thank you so much for your constant comments and your likes and hearts. And to anyone else watching. Um, I invite you to, to comment so that I can give you what it is that you wish for on, on this page, in this group. And today I'm going to focus on self-care tips. Everyone talks about self-care, but it's very much linked to self-love. And if anyone's watching and wishes to comment now, Do give StreamYard your permission, otherwise I don't know your name, or just comment and put your name in so I know who I'm talking to. So let's have a look today at self-care tips after a breakup. One big question that commonly plagues the newly single person, the newly solo person, is What did I do wrong? I know how I felt when my 34-year-old relationship ended, and I thought, what did I do wrong? We all do it. It's, it's something that is human nature, because the end of a relationship is a period rife with self-doubt and self-loathing as we try to identify our own culpability. And often people use breakups as evidence that they, they are unlovable. You know, there must be something wrong with me because they've gone off with somebody else. Um, and it's not true. So let's get that straight. It is not true. Breakups are a normal part of life. It's part of our— it's part of our learning curve. But in the midst of all that grief, many people tend to take the loss personally. Mm-hmm. and blame themselves. And that's why learning to love yourself again is an essential step in the healing process. And that's why it's in the Fearlessly Moving Forward Method. And to help you along the way, today I'm going to share some self-care practices to help show yourself a little love. Because here's a truth bomb: if you don't look in the mirror and say to yourself, I love you, how can you expect anyone else to? Because love starts with self. Everything starts with self. And it is so important to love ourselves. And yes, warts and all, all of us are unique. But unique in a perfect way. So let's have a look at the first thing that you can do, and that is giving yourself credit. Now, sometimes in the thick of emotional challenges, a person can use all of their energy just to get out of bed each day, feed themselves, and get back into bed because it's Part of our human feeling of it's overwhelming, it's all overwhelming. I'll just put the duvet over my head. I don't want to feel this way. I don't want to face the future. That's normal. I went through it myself. It was easier to stay in bed because just. I didn't have the energy. I didn't have the energy to get up out of bed and make meals, and, and even brushing my teeth, it was an effort. And I get that, I get that, because after a breakup, things like taking a shower, walking the dog, brushing your teeth, it might feel like an energy-sucking thing, just like as if you've done a CrossFit workout. And there's no need to get down on yourself about it, or beat it— what I say, beat yourself up about it, because we've got to celebrate little wins of what you can do, not focusing on what you can't do. It's all about what you can do. And, and this is important: if it goes on for more than a couple of days, you need to seek out a professional person that can support you with the way that you feel, um, and they'll be able to help you take steps toward healing because that goes onto the verge of depression, and that's something you don't want to go down, that dark pit of depression. Self-care is choosing having professional support. Everyone thinks, oh, it's a sign of weakness and it's very, you know, um, embarrassing to to seek out a professional. No, it's part of you loving yourself, nurturing yourself, taking the self-care that's needed. You know, mental health care isn't just for getting you out of the pits of problematic situations. It's about harnessing your power and channeling it into the direction best for you moving forward. Plus, a professional is equipped to help you process your pain and grieve in a way your non-therapist friends are not. Grieving is a 5-step process, and eventually you arrive at a place of acceptance. Your physical health is really important with regard to self-care. And you can start off small. For instance, um, I commit to drinking a cleansing mug of hot water with half a lemon squeezed into it every morning. And you do that when you wake up because it cleanses your liver. It helps that liver do its job of cleansing the toxins out of your body. Or perhaps you might just decide to eat one healthy meal a day. And healthy meal— what does that mean, a healthy meal? It means fresh salad, it means fresh vegetables, it means something that hasn't been fried in, um, you know, this oily fat, um, and it isn't something that's covered in sugar. A healthy meal is not half a dozen sugary donuts dipped in chocolate sauce. I mean, this is lovely, but it's not healthy. So decide on eating a healthy meal at least once a day and move your body more. Your body needs to move. Now maybe you're into yoga or Pilates, or maybe like me you've got a dog. I've got 2 dogs. In fact, right now I've got 3 because I've got my son's dog as well. So I walk every day. um, to get between 8,000 and 10,000 steps. But you might just want to dance. Um, it really lifts your vibe when you put on uplifting music and you dance. Or perhaps you've got a bike, get on it, have a cycle, even just going around the block. It's really good for raising your vibe, raising your mood. Um, and you might even schedule this onto your phone. Um, I think it's great that we've got a calendar on the phone and you can just schedule in at a certain time and you can put it on repeat every day or every week that you are going to do this, and that way it pings and with a reminder and you do it. It just doesn't fall down by the wayside. Friends— it can be so beneficial to reach out and connect with friends when you're feeling the loss of a relationship, and being able to talk about it and your current mental and emotional state with someone who really cares about you It can really help you feel supported, and those bonds are incredibly nourishing. But do be cautious about sharing every single thought about your ex, because excessively talking about your ex can at a certain point stall your healing because it becomes obsessive. And make sure you're talking about other topics not related to your ex as well. And trust that the friendship will be better for it, because no matter how good your best friend is, if you go on and on and you are obsessed, it's too much. And that's when you need outside support of someone who isn't a friend. And it's really important to schedule plans for your self-care, because part of self-care is having fun. So making plans with your friends and your family is a great way to keep hiding at home, which can stall progress. So you can make a move, you don't have to wait for someone to contact you, and you can ask your close friends or your family, um, over to your place, or you can arrange to go out for a meal or to see a film or anything else that you enjoy doing. And you could just send a text like, hi, do you have any plans on Tuesday night? Fancy doing something? Now, your friends love you, otherwise they wouldn't be your friends, and they want to show you that they love you, but they're not mind readers. You need to clue them into the fact that you want some extra attention and time together so that they can show up for you. And step away from judgment, because self-care is not about judging yourself. An important part at the end of a relationship is so not judging yourself. And whether that's judging yourself about productivity, you know, how well you perceive yourself to be dealing with your breakup, or how well you practice self-care— judging yourself rather than having self-compassion isn't going to speed up the process. When a judgmental thought enters your mind, just acknowledge it and then replace it with a positive thought. For instance, I am doing the best I can, and I am doing great. Now, if you're into the law of attraction, the power of the level, the soul level of the I am, is very, very powerful. We boomerang out those words I am. The universe doesn't know what's real and what isn't real. So when we say, I am doing the best I can, and so it is. And when you say, and I am doing great, and so it is. Another one is, I am in the process of becoming the best version of myself, and so it is. One day at a time, one step at a time. Writing— I'm always banging on about writing in a journal or a notebook. It can be one of the most sacred and healing spaces in your life. And having the space to write can give you insight into your breakup, um, and your current feelings and why your breakup is so painful. So you can just do a breathing exercise where you breathe in through your nose all the way down to your belly button, and then you can breathe out Like you're blowing out the candles on a birthday cake. You can do that 3 times and then pick up your pen, don't overthink it, and write down. Now, one study examined writers post-divorce and concluded that writing specifically about the split is more beneficial for your mental health than any other kind of writing. So you might try writing on the following prompts. In what ways did your ex make you a worse version of yourself? In what ways did your ex make you a worse version of yourself? The second one is In what ways did they make you a better version of yourself? In what ways did they make you a better version of yourself? The third one is, how can you hold on to these beneficial qualities while letting go of the qualities that no longer serve you? And I'll say that again. How can you hold on to these beneficial qualities while letting go of the qualities that no longer serve you? The next step regarding self-care and loving yourself is doing what is best for you, and that is cleanse your social media, because seeing what your ex is up to can trigger a shitstorm— excuse my French— of emotions. Save yourself from the agony of witnessing your ex's life after you by blocking, muting, or unfollowing or unfriending them and any of their friends or family on social media. It's not being petty. It's called self-care because you're putting yourself first. You know, a study in 2012 surveyed 464 participants and found that staying friends with an ex on Facebook was associated with a more difficult emotional recovery from a breakup and less personal growth compared to those who unfriended. That's a huge, huge amount of people. So do what's right for you and block them on social media. Now, another step forward regarding self-care is to get rid of your ex's stuff, and I know that's a big thing. And it doesn't mean throwing it out in the street in a black bin liner because it isn't about being vindictive. The goal here is to remove any reminders of someone who no longer serves your happiest life. So if it doesn't put your safety at risk— because I know some ladies that I've worked with have experienced physical abuse and they've been with a narcissist— so if it doesn't put your safety at risk, put their stuff in a pile and arrange an exchange or a drop-off, and if they don't respond, just donate it to charity. And in addition to intercepting future thoughts that might be triggered by having their stuff around, the actual process and ritual of clearing and cleaning and removing your ex's belongings from your space is very cathartic. If you're into feng shui, you'll understand that clearing that space frees up all of that negative energy associated with that experience or that individual, and then you can welcome in the new. Now people say to me, oh Heather, how long is it going to take me to get over it? There's no official timeline On how long it would take you to get over an ex. But the good news is, according to science, eventually you will. And according to my experience with working with all of you lovely ladies, you certainly will in time. Um, there has been a study where researchers found that the more space you get from a breakup, the more you heal. Emotionally. And they wrote in the conclusion, we have a mechanism in our brains designed by natural selection to pull us through a very tumultuous time in our lives. It suggests people will recover, the pain will go away with time. So try not to judge yourself for how long it's taking you to get over your ex. Instead, take comfort in knowing that you won't feel like this forever. And if you need support to learn how to raise your self-esteem, your self-respect, your self-belief, your self-love, etc., I can offer you a map that I personally used to go from heartbreak to peace that I call the Fearlessly Moving Forwards Method. So if you want to contact me, There is my email, heather@heatherprince.co.uk. And if you want to go to my website, www.therootmaster.com, you'll find some freebies. If you click on the freebies, there is a forgiving your ex meditation. And you might think, I can't forgive, I can't forgive. Um, you may in time open your mind up that the only person holding on to the unforgiveness is poisoning you. It's not affecting them, so forgiving them is actually freeing you. Um, there's a Feeling Lonely workbook for you to download, and there's affirmations of I am enough, because I, as I mentioned earlier, we feel at the end of a relationship that I'm not enough, you know, what did I do wrong, and all of those kind of thoughts. So I hope that you have enjoyed this Lunch and Learn, and next week we will be looking either at healing the inner child or patience. Do comment and let me know what you would like because I'm here To serve you. Sending so much love. Take care, everyone. Bye-bye. Bye.