WE TO ME MASTERCLASS

And welcome to this Wellness Lifestyle Conference, and I'm going to be talking about going from we to me, and my name is Heather Prince. I'm also known on social media as as the Root Master because I get to the core root of the issues that have been going on. I'm a proud mum of 3 and I'm a grandma to 8, which is absolutely amazing. Around about 10 years ago, my relationship broke up. We separated and it resulted in divorce. We'd been together 34 years, and that set me on a journey, a journey of self-discovery, and I've put my journey together into an online method which I call Fearlessly Moving Forwards. My life mission is to teach you what I've learnt to be creative, to be co-creative with the energies of the universe, and my role is to serve you. So how do I do that? By teaching masterclasses such as this one that you're watching, by being online on social media and YouTube to teach and share how to be the best you so that you can reach your full potential in all 8 areas of your life. I suggest that you have a notebook and pen handy whilst watching this presentation so you can take notes, because studies find that writing by hand helps you process information better and you remember more and you even think faster. Coping with a relationship breakup isn't easy. It doesn't matter who initiated it, the experience can be one of the most painful processes in life, and if you didn't see it coming, you may feel shocked and powerless. If it was a particularly close or long-lasting relationship like mine was, You may feel heartbroken, lost, and even physically ill. Now, a breakup can cloud your sense of self as you go from we to me, and sometimes the most difficult part is not so much losing the other person but losing the dreams that you had for a future together. Now, as you move through the grieving process and try and pick up the pieces, it helps to have friends and family by your side. And there's no shame in working through the feelings with a professional if you feel that you need that support. So what is the hardest part of a breakup? It's accepting the truth. You know, if you were the one who broke up the relationship, you know that you possibly upset the person that that you loved, but you're no longer in love with them. And on the other hand, if it was your partner who wanted to break up the relationship, saying goodbye to that person that you are still in love with is, is really difficult. Why is breaking up so painful? When you're the one who's being left behind, that sting is particularly sharp. Rejection triggers feelings of humiliation, isolation, and pain, and research has found that the emotional pain of rejection is coded in the same part of the brain as physical pain. And you may be wondering, who hurts more? Well, a recent study indicated that women get more negatively affected both emotionally and physically by heartbreak, and women participants rated their emotional anguish to be 6.84 post-breakup, whereas the figure for men was 6.58. You might be wondering why. The women in the study reported that they felt sadness and depression, as well as anxiety, fear, and loss of focus. They also said that they experienced insomnia, panic attacks, eating disorders, and weight change. Now, women are evolved to invest far more in a relationship than a man. A brief romantic encounter could lead to 9 months of pregnancy followed by many years of lactation for a woman, while the man may have left the scene literally minutes after the encounter with no further biological investment. This risk of pregnancy tends to make women choosier than men in regard to selecting a mate, adding that the mates women settle down with are those they consider to be high quality, for example, worthy of reproducing with, and breaking up with a high-quality mate can hurt both physically and emotionally for women. Does the pain ever go after a breakup? The pain can be relentless. But eventually the body chemistry will change back to normal and the hurt will diminish. Getting through a breakup is as much a physical process as an emotional one. Remember that and know it will get easier. Just keep going. Let me share a story about a client, and we'll call her Nicola. that is not her real name. She felt that it was all her fault when her marriage ended, and it brought up the emotion of feeling ashamed, and she felt guilty about her kids that she hadn't been able to hold her toxic marriage together. And working through How she felt, working through and looking at the bigger picture to understand that it was actually not her fault, that there were many elements that she had no control over other than the control she had about herself, and that the kids would be even better to live with a happy, peaceful mum than a mum that was always being humiliated or put down or controlled. And now that she's worked on herself and she's up-leveled her vibes, she's actually had the confidence and she's been dating. She has better communication skills and she feels more assertive and back in control of her life and So she's turned something that was very painful and very challenging into something that's positive and come out feeling a victor. In reality, the end of a relationship is going to mean very different things to different people, and how long it will hurt could be impacted earlier experiences like trauma or losses of other significant people in life. That means anything from upbringing to prior dating life can come gushing out right about now. The journey that we each go through is ours alone, so we need to do our best not to compare ourselves with others and who may have healed quicker or more slowly. We're all unique. And you may be wondering, why do men go cold after a breakup? The most important reason is that they detach themselves from the person that they're going to reject, you know, weeks before the breakup, and due to their negative thinking patterns, they involuntarily change their loving emotions to repulsive ones and start feeling repelled instead of attracted. So there we have a picture of magnets, and as you can see, the top one is where the energy repels and pulls away, and the bottom one is the attract, where the blue and And the red, the male and the female if you like, attract. And we're all told, aren't we, from such a young age, love is all you need, love conquers all, love will find a way, true love lasts a lifetime. I could go on and on with these idealised, unrealistic portrayals of love we've been fed all our lives. And let me say right here, right now, I'm no cynic. I do believe in true love and soulmates. I truly believe I married my twin soul, but I also know that love isn't a magical, magical cure-all, and also love isn't always enough. Every couple who gets divorced once loved each other very much. They just couldn't make it work for whatever reason, and when a relationship ends, the first question many The question many women have when a man they love leaves is, why? It's hard to reconcile how a love can just evaporate, how a man who once seemed so committed is gone. Where did the love go? Was it ever even there? Women and men in a relationship have needs, and over time needs can change and they evolve, but mainly both people are seeking connection, validation, appreciation, safety, adventure or novelty, Independence or autonomy.

Support. Intimacy.

Meaning and spirituality. So perhaps some or most of those needs for one or other of you within the relationship were not being met. So how do you get over an ex? Cutting off contact. Letting go of the fantasy. Take off the rose-tinted glasses. Make peace with the past. Know it's still okay to love them, but love yourself more. So meet Jillian, and again, that's not her real name because I protect client privacy. And she needed to learn so much about self-love after the betrayal of her ex, and she found that it kept going over and over again in her mind, which caused her not to sleep at night, which then made her feel totally fatigued the whole day, and it affected her work and how she parented her children. And in fact, it ended up with her having a nervous breakdown. To fill the void of not having the relationship anymore, she comfort-ate, and her weight began to creep up. And then she came to see me, and we worked together. And she's now in a place where she trusts herself again, and because she's dealt with the emotion and she doesn't need to fill that void, she's lost weight and she's slimmer and she's got a higher self-esteem. When she first came, it was absolutely on the floor, and she feels content with life. She's in a totally different place. If you want to love yourself again, stop comparing yourself with other people. She's slimmer, she's taller, she's got bigger boobs than me, she's prettier, her hair's thicker. Stop it, stop it right now. And it's important to do things that you love. Do you love just there and reading a lovely book? Do you love going out for a jog? What things do you love? Think about it, jot that down and put in your diary some self-care dates by yourself, things that you really enjoy doing. Maybe there's a great podcast that that you just want to sit there with a nice drink and listen to, or maybe you want to join in a chat or a debate on Clubhouse, and maybe your self-care date is just putting on a really old favourite movie that you haven't seen for ages. It could be anything, and eliminate your limiting beliefs. and change your mindset. Celebrate all your wins every single day, both big and small, and pat yourself on the back, because if you don't, who else is? I've given you a lot of information, so let's just take a moment. Let's just take a breath. So take a nice deep breath in through your nose and breathe out. That's better, isn't it? What I didn't share with you is that I've been teaching meditation for over 25 years, and the need to manage the madness that likes to hang out in our minds is never more crucial than when you're going through a breakup. It's a hugely significant role when we play the wife and it's— or the girlfriend, the living girlfriend— and it's suddenly stripped away. So often we define who we are and measure our worth by the role that we're in. It's so easy after a breakup to feel lost. It's so easy to fall into the rabbit hole of negative thinking, and perhaps this experience also triggers limiting beliefs. The conditioned stories that we've been telling ourselves suddenly rear their ugly heads and become the narrator of our life. So I'm going to talk to you a little bit more about the benefit of meditation. You might be wondering, what are limiting beliefs? They're thoughts, opinions that one believes to be the absolute truth. They tend to have a negative impact on our life by stopping us from moving forward and growing on a personal and professional level. So there could be 3 different ones. There's unhealthy beliefs about yourself, Concluding that you're a loser, a failure, unlikable, or incapable will prevent you from doing your best. Even overly optimistic beliefs can be unhealthy. Thinking you're the best at everything you do or that you're above the rules can be just as dangerous to your well-being as an exaggeratedly negative core belief about yourself. There's also unhealthy beliefs about others. Believing everyone is against you, untrustworthy, or manipulative will make it impossible to develop healthy relationships. Similarly, believing everyone can be trusted or that everyone is a kind person can cause you to be taken advantage of or to get into relationships that aren't good for you. And then there are unhealthy beliefs about the world. Assuming that you can't succeed in today's world or Thinking that the world is too dark of a place to ever be happy will take a toll on your life, and on the flip side, minimizing social problems and looking at the world through rose-tinted glasses isn't helpful either. Meditation gives you an expanded awareness around your thoughts. You will slowly become more and more aware that you're not your thoughts, you are the thinker of your thoughts. Instead of operating on autopilot thinking the same 60,000 or 80,000 thoughts per day, you'll begin to become aware of what you're thinking. More importantly, you will begin to develop the ability to choose which thoughts you want to give your attention to The thoughts that you focus on are the thoughts that shape your experience of life, that shape your reality. Meditation offers you the ability to witness your thoughts and decide which ones you want to feed so that you don't need to feed the thoughts that don't serve you. You have the power To control the thoughts you choose to believe. Meditation helps shift your set point. Your set point is the way you look at the world. When you're moving through a breakup, it's so easy to slip into a glass half empty kind of mentality. It's easy to start looking at what's wrong this moment rather than what's right. Meditation helps you see that glass as half full. It will help you move to a place of gratitude for everything in your life. So which one are you, a half-full person or a half-empty? Scientists who have studied optimism found that those who see the glass as half full tend to be happier, healthier, and even wealthier. Meditation will help you understand what the lesson of this situation is. It's not uncommon to continue playing out the same story over and over again, especially in our romantic relationships. There are lessons to be learned in every moment. There are opportunities for growth in every moment. Is there a story that you've been playing out that you're ready to let go of? There's no doubt that the big events which happen in life shape us, but what shapes us more is the story that we tell ourselves about those events. So if we view ourselves as a victim, then we'll find it really hard to move on, but as a victor, we will be happier and have a more fulfilling life. Do you recognise this? Now, I guess your life didn't turn out as planned, otherwise you wouldn't be watching this presentation, and you can't change that now, But you can change the story you tell yourself about what happened, and when you change the story, you take control and put yourself in the driving seat of your life. Meditation will nourish your physical body and slow everything down. The state of restful awareness that your body goes into during meditation is the exact opposite physiological response than that of our stress response. This will allow you to be less reactive and more responsive. Restful awareness is also known as restful alertness. It's a state in which the mind remains awake While the body goes into deep relaxation. Studies have shown that practicing meditation shrinks the more primal part of the brain responsible for our fear and stress responses and thickens the part of the brain responsible for higher-order functions. More thoughtfulness and emotional stability is certainly something that I've used along my journey of healing since my breakup. So here's a great picture for you to see what the brain looks like. Um, meditation is shown to thicken the prefrontal cortex, uh, and the brain center manages higher-order brain function like increased awareness, concentration, and decision-making. And changes in the brain show with meditation higher-order functions that become stronger while lower-order brain activities decrease. Going through a breakup or divorce is a life crisis, a major life Transformation. It's a huge learning curve of what to correct in the next relationship. Rumi the poet said, O ye who can't take a good rub, how will you ever become a polished gem? What this means is it often takes struggle or pain for new information to find its way into a person, but this often makes them a more resilient, compassionate, and open person than they were before. Let's have a look at 6 winning coping strategies. So this will help you cope Write down what you're feeling. It's so beneficial for you to write down your thoughts and feelings about the breakup. Think about what you have learned from the relationship. Make a list of all the incompatibilities in the relationship and the benefits that you have gained from the relationship. Write down what you're feeling. Being single. Write down all the things in your life that you're grateful for and understand that focusing on gratitude can make you happier because there's no room to think of anything else. So be grateful for the roof over your head, the bed that you sleep in, the hot water that comes out the tap, the food in the fridge. Be grateful for That you can see, that you can walk, that you can hear, all the things that all of us take for granted, and just do what I call the gratitude game. There are so many feelings that come up about the breakup. Make sure that you share them, because if you attempt to suppress them, to push those feelings down, you can get stuck in the grieving process. So firstly, identify your feelings, then allow yourself to feel them without judgment, and talk to your friends and family. Reaching out to others is crucial in rebuilding your life. Establish a healthy routine to gain a sense of stability and avoid dwelling the breakup, and this means getting enough sleep, eating well, and seeking out things you enjoy. Go out with friends, even if it's for a walk, and take a nice warm bath and add some Epsom salts or Himalayan salts and a couple of drops of essential oil, and get a massage. Buy something new. Travel if you can. Sign up for a class or volunteer to do some charity work, but please avoid unhealthy vices to fill the void, like excessive drinking or taking substances. Move your body. You may be tempted to shut down, curl up into a ball and cry, but try to find ways to keep moving. Daily exercise raises levels of serotonin and can lift your mood and improve your well-being. It's also a great way to channel negative energy and provide a healthy distraction. So some of you might just want to put on your favourite music and have a good old dance, some of you might want to put on your running shoes and go for a jog, or some of you might might want to watch, um, a class on Zoom of yoga, Pilates, or salsa. It could be anything. Just move your body the way that it's right for you. Perhaps you may need to let go of the possibility of getting back together with your ex. You're moving on to something new now. It may help to remove all photos and reminders that you have of your ex and write a letter to your ex that you won't send. The act of writing, it can give you closure. And don't jump back into another relationship right away because you need to raise your vibes so that you can meet someone who is going to be whole themselves with high vibes that can enhance your life and you can enhance their life and nobody needs anything from each other. What you tell yourself about the breakup can shape how you cope with it. Don't get stuck in the self-blame trap or obsessing over what went wrong. The relationship was wrong, not you. When negative self-talk creeps in, try affirmations to feel better. Now you can put your own needs first and you have more freedom to do what you want to do. Almost everyone will experience a breakup at some point in their lives. It's a natural part of life. And relationships usually end for good reasons. After a while, the sadness from the breakup will begin to lift and you'll start to move on, and over time you'll get to a point of acceptance.

I'd like to share with you the story about Lorraine. When her marriage ended, she felt really depressed and couldn't stop crying. She'd been married for about 28 years and her husband had betrayed her by having an affair which resulted in the other lady becoming pregnant. So Lorraine really didn't know how to cope with all the emotions that were flooding and felt overwhelming. So she started to drink, and her tipple was red wine, and she was going through about 3 bottles of red a night when she came to me. Working through the method Has given her greater confidence. She's learned about the importance of forgiveness so that she doesn't stay swallowing that bitter pill that can cause dis-ease and indeed create illness. She's now feeling back in control of her life and she's remarried. So there is a very happy ending to what was an awful nightmare at the time.

So I guess you're thinking, when will you feel better? Studies suggest that people start to feel better around 3 months, 90 days post-breakup, which is why I created The Fearlessly Moving Forwards Method 90-day online program. The big question is, are you ready to step into the next chapter of your life where you're feeling more confident about what you wish for? You have some idea of what your soulmate is like. You know deep down that you are enough, but You don't feel like you are making the kind of impact you need to be making, and you feel lonely, and you want a true loving relationship. You're wishing for more quality fun time, more trust in a relationship, more openness and honesty, more communication, and more mutual commitment. I believe you can make your dreams a reality with a little help from me, but in order to reach your dream, you've got to fix what's holding you back. So what needs fixing in your life? Most people say to me, I'm frightened to trust anyone as I've been so hurt, but deep down I'd like to meet my soulmate. spend more time doing the stuff we both love without feeling guilty about it. Or they say to me, I've had 2 failed marriages and I wonder whether I'll ever meet my forever partner. So having gone through the stepping stones of the healing process after the end of my long relationship, I I created the Fearlessly Moving Forwards Method to help other women have their hand held. So over the course of 90 days, you'll be gently walked through the process of making small, simple changes which add up to a huge shift in how you feel physically, mentally, and emotionally. You'll benefit from the support and momentum of being part of a group of people who all have the same goal— to feel better. Plus, for 90 days, you'll have me for a weekly Q&A. So to discover whether the Fearlessly Moving Forwards Method is a fit for you, You can book a no-cost clarity call with me through my website, which is www.therootmaster.com, and I look forward to hearing from you.